Happy Woden’s (Odin) Day!
This post is a little later than usual because I am doing a little bit of an experiment with it. In about a half-hour, my therapist and I will be meeting via Skype and we will be hopefully discussing some of my issues so what you are getting with this installment is The Grey and The Wayfarer ‘before and after’. So the part marked ‘Before’ is what I was thinking before I went into session and the part marked “After” is my thoughts as I reflected on them after the session. It has really been up and down these last two weeks so I need to talk about that.
The issues I want to discuss in this session are the main two of my marriage and identity. In the issue of my marriage, there are some things I need to discuss with my wife and my therapist is going to help me, according to our last session, as to how to approach this discussion as I am a little apprehensive of talking about the specific issues. It’s weird because this isn’t about sex or intimacy but more about common goals, vision and what are we going to do now. What are we now with our values shifting in different directions and the objective for our lives shifting.
The second issue of identity is one of trying to figure out what I am now that I am both an atheist and no longer a pastor. Part of this is career issues that my job coach is helping me with and I will talk on that at a different time. This is deeper than that. More of a foundational question. My hope is there will be some insight as the last two sessions have been more of me talking and her digesting things and coming to understand my situation. Hopefully, she has some wisdom, because right now I could use some and I am starting to feel confined and trapped by the situation. That’s before. See what happens and then I will write an after and then post both.
Things worked as I think she guided my own thoughts into doing what needs to be done. I need to really think about a direct course of designing my life as far as what I am going to be while having options. My primary identity is being a writer, but it is going to be my second one which can be multiple things that will define me as far as other people are concerned for a while.
Also, we talked about Christmas and the family mostly. I just don’t want it to be drama, but I also have the task of telling people I don’t pray anymore over the meals. It’s more about celebrating the season of Yuletide and being with the kids and grandkids as much as possible. I am just there to enjoy, not be the spiritual master of ceremonies.
Of course, we talked about my marriage and all I will say about that is that a conversation between us needs to take place soon. No more there, as no one else needs to know yet what is going on. I just now have it very clear that before the new year my wife and I need to talk about some things. ‘Need’ being the keyword.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.