“The Edge of Death” – Rogue Wizard – The Fire of Fury – Part 21

Happy Sol’s Day!

Rogue Wizard’s Journal – November 4th, 2019

The last few days are a blur and it is probably going to take a few journal entries to sort out.  Of course, by seeing this entry you know that I survived the encounter with the Death Angels on Halloween Night.  I will note so none worry, that Amber and Lunette are also with me.  We are all alive and in a new place.  That said, I don’t think I will be the same again.  None of us will.

The Battle was one of the closest I had ever been in.  There were as far as we can tell six Death Angels.  According to Lunette and Amber, there were three men and three women.  I only got to see two because it is the one I fought and the one who hit me with the death spell that I noted.  The girls were busy with the other members of the Council’s death squad. The one that was immediate in my face was a man and he had bad breath and came with a hoard of rats that he used to tap into his powers.  He was wielding a sword made of magic – the green shit of the movies.

Honest and he came at me full speed and it was all I could do to hold the porch of the cabin against his attacks which were rapid and continuous.  I could see Amber burning something out of one corner of one eye and Lunette doing her pinball thing out fo the other.  But it was a full-time shield act to keep this guy from landing a blow plus keep his rats away from biting my ankles.  My whole attention was focused on this guy and that is what lead to my downfall.

I heard the death spell being chanted and could not do anything about it.  I backed up a little to the edge of the door and then I could see her.  Pale as shit and skyclad.  Her alabaster body was beautiful as was the rest of her and her hair long and pure white. Her one hand was extended toward me and she was chanting the Death Spell, the other hand was wrapped around the neck of a young teenage girl.  The sacrifice for the spell.

I could do nothing except strengthen my shield and hope that one fo the girls helped my ass. But no help came and the spell steaked like a bolt of eldritch green from her hand and hit me square in the chest.  At the last minute though, I felt something strange and yet loving; it made me feel at peace.  As I fell, I could feel my shield slipping as death came over me. I lost consciousness and dropped to the floor of the porch.  It was the last thing I remember of the fight.

According to the girls, they saw what was happening too late and then when I fell they got pissed.  Lunette literally when psycho at that moment and streaked off at the naked witch. When she struck she didn’t hold anything back and literally started to do her pinball thing and hitting hard enough to break bones.  Amber for her part let loose a fireball on two necromancers she was fighting with and I guess it burned them to a cinder where they stood. In a matter of seconds, it was two on three.

The other two Lunette had been dealing with turned tail including the guy we had seen in town.  Lunette turned her attention to rat necromancer and because his rats couldn’t fly like she could, she made short work of him.  The snap of his bones as she struck was audible to all.   According to Amber, she was screaming rage the entire time. Amber for her part concentrated a fireball in her hands for a few seconds and let fly after the last two and when it struck the scream echoed in the night. 6-1 our win, but I was down.  Lunette steaked to my side and grew full-sized ripping her miniature garment to tatters.

Amber and Lunette examined me.  Probably crying their eyes out but neither girl spoke to me about that.

“Lunette, I can still feel him.  He isn’t gone.”

Puzzled, Lunette reached out with her tattoo and confirmed I wasn’t dead.  But I wasn’t alive either. They checked on the teenage girl and she wasn’t dead either.  Barely alive.

According to the girls, they acted quickly gathering up our stuff, throwing everything into the pickup.  The placed me and the girl in the back and took off.  They left the girl in town on a park bench and called 911 and then took off again.  Lunette knew a place that might be safe so she was determined to get to it and find out what happened with me.

What did happen to me?  I need to think about it before I write about it.  But I can tell you, I have many life-changing events and this is definitely in the top three.  I will relay this tomorrow.  The emotions of this whole thing are still pretty strong.

Writer’s Notes:

Two to one is a fair fight with my trio.  If there is one weakness I have in real life it is a lack of speed.  This played into the story.  I prefer to think things out, create a plan and execute.  In a situation where I can’t do that, its full-on defense and wait until I can.  Yeah, that gets you busy and then dead if you’re facing as deadly an opponent as the Death Angels. 

My emotions are real on this one and the couple to come. Particularly the next one.  

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Grey Revelations?” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 22

Happy Sif’s Day. 

The scattered Grey showers continue.  That said, I am getting more of a handle on them.  The triggers are pretty well known by now and I know how to deal with most of them. Mostly, I have been thinking, researching and meditating on what The Grey is?

I don’t know if I am right about this but The Grey seems to be more of a state between feeling nothing and being depressed.  If that makes any sense.  it is a protective state to keep me from feeling the sadness of depression but it still has the element of depression that is ‘loss of interest.  The other quality it has is that I do not give one shit about anyone else.  I am wondering if this is a counter safeguard my mind goes into when I have hit my psychological limit of not taking care of myself and being more concerned about others than myself. So The Grey puts me in a state where I am completely self-centered but not sad; but also restless and bored.  I hope I am wrong because that sounds like a state of mind I wouldn’t wish on even my enemies.  Dangerous and reckless.

I suppose the alternative is to be sad, tired and/or burning angry.

In other news:

  1. I am totally frustrated with the job hunt right now.  No one is even calling me and that is probably the product having lost so many contacts.  Every job I have gotten I have known someone and applying blind is difficult.  If the fuckers at my church hadn’t fired me, I might have had a connection there with someone else to get another job or at least I could put it on my resume as my last job.  It really puts a hole in my resume.  It might be Ok in another year or two but I don’t have a year or two.
  2. Love is frustrating as well.  I have identified that my wife and I have a trust-love but Miss Salty and I had a passion-love.  The problem is I want both. My INFJ idealism kicks in and says why can’t you have a high level of trust and passion in a love relationship. I was thinking about my series Rogue Wizard and there is the same theme. Lunette (passion) / Amber (trust).  It is all over the place with me and having only one or the other just makes it difficult for me inside my head.
  3. Writing seems to be the only solace I have these days. The Blog, my books in their raw form do provide some sense of stability in my head. The other thing is the weights, hiking and getting healthier. There is a part of me that just wants to dive into this and disappear.  My own world in my head is far superior to the real one.
  4. I am still adjusting my thoughts and emotions to my lack of any faith in any god.  I have no imaginary friend to talk to and that is liberating on the one hand but it means a level of self-reliance I have not experienced before and it is scary intoxicating.

I am not fond of the cards I am holding right now. I still am obligated to play the hell out of them though until the next shuffle.  Hopefuly that is soon.  I miss clear skies and having a strong hand.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

 

“Funeral Pyre” – Rogue Wizard – The Fire of Fury – Part 10

Happy Woden’s (Odin) Day

Rogue Wizard’s Journal: January 25th, 2019 (cont.)

Of course, I hesitated for a moment, magical flames licking the edge of my fingers.  The Grove had been my childhood place of growing up in my magical powers.  It has been the place where my love and lover Elpis had been.  Where we talked, laughed and loved.  She had in many ways turned me into a man. Now, I was about to destroy the only thing left that represented any kind of anchor to the past.  The last physical remnant to my magical childhood.

It hadn’t all been good.  I suddenly realized I was standing the very place where Elpis had pronounced judgment on Lunette and removed, very forcibly, her wings.  That whole thing led to Lunette and I having healing sex to cure me of magical disease, but the magic released also restored Lunette’s wings to the current state they were in.  It was one of the most intense physical and magical moments of my life. It happened in the grove, but I was fairly sure, that Lunette’s parents’ home was gone.  This twisted trunk was all that was left. An old throne, scars and a place of love turned to a dead coldness.  How symbolic of my relationship to Elpis.

I glanced over to Lunette, our eyes met and she nodded.  Then she looked away. I turned my attention back to the tree.  My thoughts were racing and then I remembered the day Elpis cast me out of the Grove for good, my wife’s death and the breakup I had with Miss Salty. Anger welled up in me. Fire.  The Fire of Fury.

“Amber.  Now!!!”

Flames burst from my fingertips.  Red and orange.  As they touched the tree, I could see it illuminated from the other side by Amber’s flames.   The flames from both sides burst quickly up the trunk.  After a few minutes, I stopped casting my spell. It was no longer necessary as the tree’s magic was now providing the fuel for the fire. Soon the whole trunk was a burning beacon. The heat became quite intense. Elpis never allowed fire in the grove, and now I could see why in full glory.  I didn’t have to tell Amber to stop as the heat required me and Lunette to back up some distance away and Amber joined us. We watched it burn.

“Well, the fae can stop spending so many lives to protect this place now from the hands of the wizards.”

Lunette’s voice was cracked, coming in gasps through her sobs.   I said nothing.  The tears were rolling down my face like rivers.  We watched as the flames began to consume the trunk.  Soon the whole thing was in flames and burning brightly.  The magic of the tree being consumed by our magical fire.

Amber seemed a little distraught herself.

“Ed, this whole place is going to become very active, very soon with either fae or wizards. It’s not going to be safe for much longer.”

“Amber, we have a little time.  This is a funeral pyre and it would be disrespectful to leave too early.”

Amber nodded and walked a little ways away from us, and I felt Lunette’s hand in mine. She grasped it with some desperate strength.

“What do you think really happened to Elpis, Edward?”

“She lost her fight with her inner demons.  She came to hate who she was and then did what she had to end that part of her life. Suicide.  But as an immortal, she couldn’t do that as a dryad.  She had to become human.  So she did, in a way.  Her ghost will either slowly dissipate over time, or if her unfinished business is resolved, she will fade forever. She is still out there, I think, but there is no going back to where she was now, ever.”

“Well, the fae can stop fighting for this bulge in the line now.  They can pull back.”

“That’s bad news for me.  I am going to have to start living at the Mansion full time.”

“That has it’s own dangers”

“Tell me about it, but I am hoping to enact the plan soon. I need to disappear for my family’s sake.”

“Or die.  I am not trying to be shocking, Edward.  Because that would end the feud and then the Council would not give two shits about your family.”

“You didn’t shock me, dear.  I know that would solve the issue too.  Death will come for me in her own good time. I will embrace her as if I was laying down in bed with a beautiful woman.  I just see no need to do it myself with so many enemies.  One of them is probably going to get me.  I just hope I am in a position to return the favor.”

Lunette moved in and I put my arm around her waist as she leaned against me.  We watched the flames for a little longer. Amber broke our reflective moment.

“Edward, I sense that this is attracting attention.  From both sides.  Scouts will be here soon and we need not to be.”

“You’re right, just give us one more moment.”

I turned to face Lunette and she me.  My arms went instinctively around her waist, and she put hers around my neck. I kissed her. I felt my magic get supercharged and she probably had the equivalent to a micro-orgasm, but we both needed to feel better and so a kiss was needed. I pulled back after a little bit.

“We need to go Lunette, there is going to be nothing left anyway.”

With that, Lunette, Amber and I headed back to the Mansion. The last remnants of the Red Tree Grove burning behind us.

Author’s Notes: Before this week, I hadn’t touched this chapter since May 27th, 2019.  I think the whole Grey Storm thing just made it too difficult to write. I was also wrestling with how to do this.  In the end, this chapter is simply a funeral for a character made as a labor of love and because of that love causes me pain now personally and as a writer.  Elpis needs to be gone as much as possible, but she had to go with my own writer’s hand.

As I mentioned before this saga as a whole is probably going to come to an end very soon. The whole thing with the ‘death’ of the main character.  I am putting ‘death’ in quotes because I want to still leave some air of mystery to this. You have to read the rest to know the true end of the Rogue Wizard.

Emotionally it’s hard for me to let go.  I loved every moment of writing the Hedge Wizard of Redberg and Rogue Wizard is basically the endgame of that. It means letting go for good and moving on and I have a hard time with that when it comes to writing. But closure in this whole Miss Salty/Elpis relationship is going to come slowly I think for me, but I also think I can make it come a little sooner by closing this whole thing out and ending it.  It will give me fewer memory triggers if I do, but I have to trigger some memories to get there.  

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“A Virtue By Another Name” – Of Wolves and Ravens – The Higher Virtues

Happy Tyr’s Day

Discussion

Having finished a discussion of all the Nine Noble Virtues of Asatru (NNV), we flip to Side B for “Of Wolves and Ravens” which is ten other philosophical discussions: The Higher Virtues, Eastern Philosophy, Western Philosophy, Love, Minimalism, Economics, Justice, Political Science, Libertarianism and Wisdom. The fact that I do this rotation at least twice a year is no accident as there are other philosophical guides to my life that form a significant part of my philosophy of life.  A philosophical framework, if you will.

This week is supposed to be the Higher Virtues and it still will cover them, but I want to share a discovery I made while reading Essential Asatru by Diana Paxton.  I got to the section near the end on Heathen Virtues and was excited because I was interested to see if there was anything new to discover. This, after all, was why I started gravitating toward Asatru in the first place – the NNV.   What I read as short but impactful because it introduced the simple truth that there were more than the NNV as virtues of Asatru and that there was something also called the Six Goals of Asatru.  In addition to all this, some of the NNV had other names which gave a different spin on their meaning.  While there wasn’t a lot of depth in the book, the simple statement of this was enough to get my wheels turning.

Firstly was the additional virtues that Paxton says some heathen groups have: Equality, Friendship, Strength, Generosity, Kinship, and Wisdom. Wisdom is already one of my Higher Virtues. but the other five merit some discussion.  The ideas of Friendship and Kinship are not fully explained but as I see those words I know that in large part represented by the Noble Virtue of Fidelity.  I treat my friends like family and Kin but the result is the same for all – I am loyal to those who are loyal to me.  Equality and Generosity I would say I have as background understandings of Hospitality and the Higher Virtue of Justice.

One meditation that was good was on Strength.  I could imagine the NNV forming the three strands of the higher virtues of Love, Justice, and Wisdom.  Then Those three strands forming a strong rope – Strength in a multiple-corded rope of virtue.  In a sense Strength is one of the major goals of being a person who follows a code like the NNV.

The Six Goals of Asatru I had never heard of before and it tells me that there may be things inside these Asatru Brethren groups that art taught and encouraged that don’t make it outside them very often. Not secret but not as popular with the general public.

The six goals are: Right, Wisdom, Might, Harvest, Frith (Peace) and Love.  It should be noted Love and Wisdom are already considered by me as part of my three higher virtues. Right, I have dubbed Justice. Frith is a new one for me but it means Peace both personal and community. I feel this is a worthy goal and one that would be the result of Justice, Love and Wisdom are acting their part.  Might and Strength are related. almost the same but the first refers to the strength of the community as a goal and the second personal moral strength, so there is that connection.  Harvest is an interesting one that goes very much with the Virtues of Self-Reliance, Industriousness, and Hospitality.

More significant for me is that Paxton gave different names for some of the NNV that offered a different perspective on how to look at that virtue. Courage has the second name of Boldness.  Truth and Honor remained the same, but Fidelity was called Troth which is a very unique word to use and thus indicates its value to the community. Discipline is called Self-Rule, so the idea of personal sovereignty is a part of the idea of Discipline. Hospitality was the same but given some of the other virtues above it becomes very much defined more concretely with more facets. Industriousness is the same. Self-Reliance becomes independence which the goal of Self-Reliance but I can see where it is a virtue in and of itself. Perseverance becomes Steadfastness which adds as I have remarked before the virtue of standing in the midst of adversity not just getting up from failure; it shows this virtue is also a means to victory, not just a response to defeat.

There is a lot to think about here but for now, my definitions will remain the same as changing those is a soul searching decision. I may, however, look at my higher virtues and meditate on them and some of these new ones more to establish a clearer picture.

What’s the point? Some might ask, well…

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

Men need a code.  Women need a code.

I can tell you what, people should be very glad I found the NNV and started to follow it last year.  If I had not I would be a monster without a code of conduct – destructive to both others and myself. I had that ‘women suck’ moment right after the Breakup with Miss Salty and I can tell you I came very close to becoming the Wolf in both the spirit of Fenrir and the predator at that moment. Chaotic, evil and full of rage.  I can think of nothing scarier than an empath that is malevolent.

The NNV came along and also filled a need for making sense of myself and getting me some sort of focus that I needed.  Otherwise, the wolves would be loose right now and men who wronged me would be targets and women in general objects for my use. In a sense, the NNV helped me find my true self and bring the wolves into my service rather than running wild.

Wants (Freki):

A code also allows you to start focussing properly on what you want and how to properly get it. Otherwise, you have no plan and follow it to the end. Focusing on the virtues you think is important begins to retrain your brain to follow after them and how to achieve them.  This is something you want, trust me.  No greater progress in your life will be achieved until you first find out what you value.

Reason (Huginn):

Mostly though, the NNV brought me back to a reasonable meditation on life and principle. It has brought me to Asatru as a form of spirituality, but it is a rational spirituality, not one that is making shit up. It is focused on value, goals and my journey has purpose because of it.  I am not wandering lost.  I may wander, but I am not lost, I am engaged in the purposeful pursuit of virtue wherever that journey may take me.

Wisdom (Muninn):

I find there is greater wisdom in the wisdom you discover for yourself than in ‘wisdom’ that is dictated to you.  No Wisdom is one size fits all, so to speak. The best wisdom is confirmed by virtue and experience combining into something that allows you to live better.  Wisdom may indeed be the highest virtue of them all, but it is also the result of living a code of virtues that you value.  For me, it started with adopting the NNV into my life.

Conclusion:

Essential Asatru has me thinking about virtue a lot since I read that section.  I am looking at it once again very holistically.  Mostly though I am glad I adopted the NNV and began to conceive them in a way that was helpful to me in a very dark time.  It allowed me to see myself as a human being again and more importantly helped me see others as human beings again.  I still have serious trust issues with my fellow humans, but it is getting better.  A lot of it has simply been about being true to myself in the full truth of following the NNV as best I can.

I leave you with Marcus Aurelius:

See the source image Still Walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Songs About the Wolf Within” – The Skald’s Lyre

Happy Saturn’s Day

Musical Journal:

In the fantasy genre of literature, the wolf and werewolf are very symbolic of the wild untamed side of the human experience. There is a sensual and animalistic point to the image of a wolf or a man/woman transforming into a werewolf.  In the world of music, there are songs about this animalistic side of humanity and they often use the image of the wolf. It’s not coincidental that this is so the image of wolves and men is an old one and a very powerful one.

This Skald’s Lyre is a little different.  It is about a type of song that relates to the human experience coupled with one of my favorite genres of books and film – fantasy.  In particular the world of fantasy horror and the wolf and werewolf image.  The music attempts to capture this essence in both lyrics and setting the tone with the music. It often does a very good job at both.

Personal Significance:

Today I am not going to list my personal significance with each song as that is not really the point.  For me, there are simply some good songs that call to my animal side or remind me that I have one. For me, the image of the wolf is center to my heart and self-identity so that fits too.

I have had two conversations with women about men that reflect this point along the sexual side of things. Hey, whenever I write about sex it always gets attention.

1) “What the world needs are fewer wolves and more gentlemen.” – my response was pretty simple. “My dear, a gentleman is nothing more than a patient wolf.” Sorry, there is no such thing as a man who has an interest in a woman where raw sexuality isn’t present. You can keep it domesticated on civil but that raw energy is what powers all the other aspects of the relationship.  As an author once said – “everything is about sex, except sex which is about something else.”  A gentleman is just a really patient strategically-minded wolf looking for a certain type of woman to bed. He is simply a patient hunter.

2) “Men are all dogs.” – I had two responses to this.  a) So are women, women are just as horny and sexual as men.  They just like men to work at it to get them because they want to feel desired. Nothing wrong with that, but to take the high minded route that women aren’t just as interested as men about getting laid is just hypocritical. b) Men are all canine to be sure, but some of them are more domesticated than others.  Some of us seek to be more true to our ancestors and be the wolf. We are just honest about it.  If being a wolf means I am a truly masculine male, then that is my desire.  As a woman, you are either going to accept that and lose your fear of it or you are going to try to domesticate your man out of fear of his wild side and in my opinion, make him less of a man. You would probably be better off accepting his wild side and work more on embracing your own.

For me, being as wolf-like as possible and staying honest about it is something I strive to both focus and embrace.  This isn’t just about being honest about being masculine or sexual but also about the stronger emotions of anger and rage.  The desire to fight for what you care about and desire. So on my playlist are a few songs about this wolf side of things – the animal within and that animal for me is the wolf.

Playlist:

Bark at the Moon – Ozzy Osborne:

Wolf and Man – Metallica:

Animal I Have Become – Three Days Grace:

Night of the Werewolves – Powerwolf:

Úlfhéðnar – Dervhengrym:

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Pagan Pulpit – The Book of Rabyd 2:4 – “No One’s Happiness but My Own is in My Power to Achieve or to Destroy”

Happy Suns’ Day

Announcements:

We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods, and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.

We also don’t take an offering here.  We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it.  Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it.  Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never sees a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.

Opening Song: “Wash It All Away” – Five Finger Death Punch

This song is on my playlist but for multiple reasons.  After my series with the Book of Rabyd, I will be doing a series on spiritual concepts that are universal and one of them is going to be ‘baptism’. This song inspired that idea although it goes back to an idea that someone else suggested to me before I left the ministry. Five Finger Death Punch is a new band for me in many ways, but I like the energy of this song.  The bridge is also very expressive of my emotional state at times:

“I won’t change for you

and I can’t take the pain

There is nothing you can do

and nothing you can say”

Poem: “I Speak to a Ghost” by The Ruined Man

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Don’t have a poem of my own this week so The Ruined Man will speak for me this time.

Meditation: 

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Song of Preparation: ‘Shut Up and Dance With Me’ – Walk the Moon

Just a feel-good song, we are talking about happiness after all.

Text:

“No One’s Happiness but My Own is in My Power to Achieve or to Destroy” – The Book of Rabyd 2:4

Sermon:

Originally this Quote by Ayn Rand was The Book of Rabyd 2:10; but with my desire to remove duplicate quotes as far as quotes from the same people, she jumps to 2:4.  This also presents a problem of the fact I have eliminated about six verses at this point so some new people to quote from will be necessary to get the other points.  I may jump ahead to chapter three and then drop those verses from chapter 2 in when they come to me. The Book of Rabyd is after all not a closed canon of scripture like some.

This statement is more complicated the more you meditate on it. But let’s break it down.

The first concept is that you cannot make people happy.  I think this is the most enlightening thing as I have watched people give their all trying to make others happy and then get frustrated that 1) They fail or 2) They are not happy themselves.  There is a lot of energy saved emotionally and mentally when you figure this out.

You can make yourself happy, in fact, your own happiness is the only happiness that you can really strive to achieve.  You also are the only person who can destroy your own happiness.  That is not to say that others can’t affect your happiness or life and general, but how you perceive, interpret and/or act about those things that determine your happiness and those are all in your power to do.

That’s not to say your emotions cannot be entwined with another.  I think Heinlein’s definition of love is applicable here.  The notion of love being where someone else’s happiness is essential to your own and vice versa. In the case of love, even here through the choices and who has the power over your happiness is still you.

In my own life, this principle has been difficult, even though the truth of it resonates with my soul.  Being an empathic person kind of causes people’s emotions to affect you at times, like it or not.  That said it is still my choice of whether or not to let that affect my happiness in general. I find also that memory can be a difficult thing to deal with at times.  I have choices to make about each and every time I remember things because my memories are highly emotional which of course causes me to relive them like they were yesterday.

All in all, though, the principle is true.  it is just you might have to make a lot of decisions and fight a lot of battles to stand on that mountain top of happiness.  It is, however, your power to achieve or destroy.

Closing Song: “Don’t Stop Believing” – Journey:

Just the lyrics so you can sing along.

Parting Thought: 

 

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Yes, they do.  When it comes to happiness you never know who or what will come along to brighten your day.  You do have to be in the right frame of mind to be on the lookout for it.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Skald Tales and Poems – Poem – “Salt in My Wound”

Poem: “Salt in My Wounds” by Edward W, Raby, Sr. – Written April 13, 2019

 

Once you were the spice of my life,

You kept me from spoiling

You were the flavor I needed

You made life less plain

 

Then you left me

laying in a pool of my own blood.

Leaving a wound

a void from your knife

 

Now memories of you are salty

Burning as they are applied to the scar

Salt in my wound

Preserving the regret and the pain.

 

– Ed Raby – April 13, 2019 –

 

Commentary:

Without a doubt this was the easiest poem I have ever written.  At least as far as time and feeling are concerned. Took me literally just five minutes.  Even more striking is how little over the last week I have edited it.

Miss Salty, as I called her, helped me through a lot.  She is definitely wiser and smarter than her years would say.  But this whole thing in reflection was a doomed voyage like the Titanic. Right now memories of this whole thing are bitter-sweet. Salty like she was.  They hurt and yet I hope they bring about some cleansing like salt removing infection.

This poem is very much about love lost.   Regrets that are repeated over and over, and so the sting of memory is there every time. I originally thought I would add another verse but then I am trying to experiment in letting my experiences and feeling resonate with others, so another verse might make things too specific.  The reader can fill in their own lines of regrets and their own pain.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – INFJ and Love

 

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

My personality type is INFJ-A.  If you are familiar with Meyers-Briggs you know that means I am and Introverted, Intuitive, Feelings oriented, Judging type of person with a A on the end for being slightly assertive.  Sometime called the advocate or protector. Now over the years I have changed in my personality indicating to me that events of life can change personality.

I want to look this week at the Higher Virtues and the Nine Noble Virtues in relationship to my personality type to see if I can find any insight into myself. Today I will talk about Love (Romantic Love in particular) and the other Foundational Virtues related to my personality,  I will hit other subjects as the week goes on.

There are lot general things I could see but the thing that sticks out to me about myself when it comes to love, is that when I share with you my inner self, it is because I believe you will never hurt me. I have missed judged this many times and I have paid a price for it. I also am struck with how once I have loved or had a strong friendship with someone I never forget it.  Love is tough for me, because I bear the joys and scars from it for long time.  When someone I trust my inner feelings to betrays or breaks that trust in some other way, it is devastating.  The hurt is long-term and never completely goes away.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

This is the second week in a row that I have struggled with honor.  I don’t know why or how to get over it.  I think getting back to lifting helped but I think I need that long walk yet and the weather has sucked. I think my personality might have problems me loving me. Am I actually reaching the point where I am trying to learn to trust myself again after failing myself?  That would be very INFJ.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

Courage as a part of love is difficult.  It is one of the reasons I came back to my wife and continue to struggle with rebuilding the relationship.  In my mind actually we are building something new that is better, because the old was not that great. It’s the right thing to do even though when I was considering reconciling I struggled with what I would have to give up – opportunity for something new – in order to reconcile.  Love require work – courageous work at times.  For me as a INFJ, I perceive how deep that is and why I gravitate toward it.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

Truth in Love.  In the Bible Love rejoices in the truth and I would say that is a solid statement.  The real problem last year with me and love is that even though I trusted in love both on the friendship side and the romantic side. The truth I couldn’t see, but should have known on my INFJ side, is that it might be true that the other side of those relationships was not feeling the love I felt at the same level. That truth, which I didn’t see, bit me in the ass.

One of the things in my recent taking of the personality test is a significant change in my introverted level.  It indicates that from this year to last year I have moved to be more introverted  75% to 94% which is pretty significant.  Truth is, my trust level of others has been pretty damaged by this whole thing. Something I might take a long time to get over as an INFJ.

Higher Virtue: Love:

People should come up to my wife and give her a big hug and tell her what a great person.  She is because of a lot of love factors. 1) Of all the people I hurt during this crisis, she had the most reason to tell me to fuck off and not come back.  But instead she did two things.  She acknowledge to me her part in the failure of our marriage and she forgave me for mine.  I started loving her anew at that moment. 2) Without her I wouldn’t have any reason to completely trust anyone other than maybe one last friend and that would have meant a lot of really bad things for me. Like dark angry shit. Without love, I think we INFJ types get mean.  Because we expect much, we get disappointed hard when love fails and that leads to some pretty extreme reactions.

My wife’s love is definitely one of only two close relationships right now that I would consider proof of my trust in other people. The rest have all been damaged because it is apparent to me with most of them the statement they claim as Christians – ‘love bears no record of wrongs’ on a practical level is bullshit. They don’t really believe it or practice it. Wish they did.  For me I gave my trust and love to some wrong people and they turned their backs on me.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Breakfast, Medications and Supplements.
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

Solid, no complaints.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Skald Tales and Poem – Poem – ‘The Scar’

Happy Saturn’s Day

“The Scar” by Edward W. Raby, Sr.  

“Time heals all wounds”

“Bullshit” I say

I have been down this road before

I have scars that still bleed inside

 

Internal bleeding of the soul

Seepage of pain within

Toxic soul-blood poisoning

Hidden behind my scars

 

The scar you left on me

Is like all the others

A covered scab

Hiding a slow bleeding wound

 

Another scar

Another badge of survival

The poison blood inside – fuel

The pain inside – motivation

Written by Edward W. Raby, Sr.  on March 15th, 2019.  Edited March 22, 2019

Author’s Commentary:

There are a lot of recent candidates for the ‘you’ in this poem.  Including the one who taught me how to appreciate and ‘enjoy’ writing poems.  In this case the quotes around ‘enjoy’ are probably stronger.  Normally a poem causes me to remember this person with a little twinge of joy and pain. This poem was one I needed to write but didn’t necessarily want to write. Mostly because it was like literally pushing on the scar in question this person had left on me, making it hurt just a little more than just a normal poem. She definitely fits the bill for ‘you’

That said, I think the ‘you’ could be several other candidates over the course of my life.  In any case the poem reflects my understanding that: 1) Scars are an illusion of healing. The wounds they hide never fully heal and often remain toxic and painful.  2) You just have to learn how to turn that toxic and hurtful nature of a wound received into fuel and motivation as you go forward. 3) Lovers and friends who betray or leave give us the most toxic and traumatic scars.  So underneath, no matter how much it looks outwardly you have moved on, they still remain a part of who you are. Even when you would wish it was not so.

Poetically, this was my first attempt in shortening my poetry.  Make the word choice more selective. Learning how to do this is a work in progress for me. As always constructive feedback on my poems is always appreciated.

Thanks for reading them,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Crossing Bifrost – Gods and Goddesses – Thor: God of Storms

Happy Saturn’s Day

Seeing I talked about him in my post on Odin last week, I figured I would talk about Thor directly this week.  Thor – God of Thunder, God of Storms. Odin is the god of rulers and leaders.  Thor is the god of the warrior and the common man.  Even in Viking times that made him more popular.  This is probably why more stories have survived about him than any other.  People loved Thor, but they feared Odin because he was the judge of the dead, along with the Valkyrie.

Thor is probably the most well known god of the Norse pantheon today becasue of comic books and movies. He is far more likely to go on action packed adventurers in our world and so people see him doing things actively and often violently. Odin is far more subtle and a master strategist.  Thor is neither. A great example of this is when he wakes up to find his wife’s hair missing. He gets up, surmises that Loki had something to do with it and then goes and physically threaten Loki to do something about it.  Odin probably would have found a way to fix the problem himself through magic and then he would have found a way to get Loki back that was far more subtle.

Thor is the god of thunder and storms.  His wife Sif is the goddess of the earth which is a common paring in most myths.  The rain watering the earth and bringing life is a common concept and it often plays itself out in rain/storm gods being paired with earth/nature goddesses. Thor’s exploits are long but the most notable are:  He welds Mjölnir (Lightning), the hammer of the gods. He is noted for his many battles with the Giants and with the world eating snake  Jörmungand, who he will battle at the and of the world Ragnarok.

Image result for norse mythology thor

Thor had many other powers, including healing,  He is said to be able to drink more mead and down more food than any other god. In mythology, he is not a blond but a red head.  He also possess the stereotypical hot-headed anger of the red head.  He wears a belt that doubles his already considerable strength.  If you are looking for a god that was a man’s man, then Thor is your god.  He was the kind of man you wanted along side you in battle and the kind of man you wanted to drink and party with as well. Not so oddly, he is also associated with fertility and was often evoke a blessing marriages for fertility.  But part of that reputation was earned outside of marriage with the fact he had many children and a lot of them were not Sif’s.

Image result for thor comic art

Our concept of Thor in our modern day is largely influenced by Marvel Comics.  Thor is a blond, blue eyed viking type.  The movies and the Comic make him very much the noble hero and try to lessen the fact that he was hot headed, slept around and partied like a boss. He is far more noble in the comics version, than he is in the mythology.

See the source image

That said I did like the fact that Chris Hemsworth decided to work out to play the character instead of doing the CGI muscles thing.  I think he was a good choice.  It is just our modern world isn’t ready for Thor as he was in mythology, because quite frankly he is fully masculine and makes no apologies for it.  Marvel’s Thor tends to be a little more pretty boy than masculine warrior.

The Thor of mythology is a little rough around the edges, where Marvel’s Thor is polished and presentable. You would be proud to take Marvel’s Thor home to your parents; if you were dating him, and they would think he was such a nice young man. The Thor of mythology, you might have to explain why the fridge is empty, the alcohol is all gone and perhaps why both you and your sister are knocked up with the same due date.

I guess I like characters though that have a little more of a subtle grey side.  Thor in any context doesn’t really have that.  He leaves that sort of thing to Loki. That’s why while I like Thor, I don’t consider him my favorite. Odin still has the honor of being my favorite Norse god. Thor however still inspires a lot of respect for his courage and loyalty to his friends.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!