“Ruins” – A Poem

Happy Main’s Day!

“Ruins” by Edward W . Raby, Sr.

There was once life here

Now all is ruin

Window pains

Doorways with no doors

No roof.

We build this house brick by brick

Love was the mortar

We had children, raised them

We gave our love to them

Taking the mortar and giving it to them

Then they left.

We discovered the mortar of our love

Was cracked and crumbling – nothing.

But we had no time to reset it.

We continued to live giving it away

The roof collapsed

The bricks fell apart

We walked away

And now all is ruins.

A sad testimony to what was

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Love: All My Exes Don’t Live in Texas

Happy Freya’s Day!

So I start this new routine and here we are talking about love, sex, and relationships the first thing. Let’s stick with just love for this one. For me, and probably the rest of the human race love is complicated. For me specifically, it’s complicated by the fact that my heart is a stupid fuck that can’t stop loving a woman once it starts and this has massive problems long term.

It took me literally several years debating with myself, therapy, and several gut-wrenching decisions moments to divorce my wife. It wasn’t that I didn’t love her, but I didn’t feel loved by her, nor did I feel she was a person who gave me peace. We weren’t yelling at each other or anything like that, but the relationship became tired and old and no matter how much I tried on my end to point this out, it was ignored by a lack of desire to change that from her. When you pour out your guts to a woman about what’s wrong emotionally with your relationship and it takes three months for her to get back to you on it that is not good. That’s a communication problem and we had a big one which is me and her and not just her. We had counseling, read books, and yet – divorce.

Here is the funny part. I have no problem loving her. If in the course of our lives, and I told her this when we parted; if she needs a shoulder to cry on, a hug, kiss, or a love-making session, I am still there for her as a friend. I know her Christianity will never allow her to accept this. She would have to set it aside. But for my part, I consider her a friend and wish her nothing but happiness. I also have the weakness of if she really needed me I would respond.

My first love is happily married to someone else. She has kids and another life, but my heart still has a place for her. I still on rare occasions run across her and it’s awkward for me at least. Some weakness, if she were to ask for my help, I am there. I still wish her nothing but happiness.

Miss Salty. She hurt me and may have done it on purpose. She can’t help it though as she has some mental issues that I should have known were trouble. But I was broken myself at the time and vulnerable, so perhaps it was just two broken people trying to find peace in each other. It worked for a short time. Until it didn’t. Same weakness if she came into my life. I hope she finds happiness.

Maybe this is why I moved to Texas. Less chance of any of them walking into my life at this point at the random. I might have subconsciously needed the space for all of them to reset my love life. I am a bachelor now and while that comes with its own form of loneliness, it also has some tremendous freedoms to it in regard to what relationships I can have and what I can do in them. But that is a subject for next week.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Writing from the Heart

Happy Odin’s Day!

As I enter my second week of writing every day, I am trying to find my groove. Part of that has always been to have a setlist of topics. A Weekly Routine or writing with each day being about writing on that topic on that day. To be honest, this does help me, but it sometimes gets in the way of writing from the heart. If a topic doesn’t vibe with me that day, it will be choppy.

I have spoken before about finding my Muse and I still recognize my need for a woman in my life for this to be a supercharged inspiration. I know it will be mIss right when she inspires my best writing. In the meantime, I have been reflecting on what I like about women in general. There are some obstacles to this like being recently divorced, experiencing modern feminism in a lot of women, and just generally being more traditionally-minded (not completely) about women.

So having a set routine and trying to find my groove is a good option. I just don’t want to stop writing from the heart. Routine being a tool to keep you writing is one thing, but if you feel inspired to write on something else, you should probably break the routine and do that. A routine should be guidelines, not actual rules.

In the coming week, I will be thinking about my Routine. But I also will keep writing from the heart s much as possible.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Music and The Wayfarer

Happy Mani’s Day!

If you know me you know that my musical taste is very eclectic. Mostly, I tend to listen to music that reflects my emotions. Some people, a very few, have been able to figure out that if you want to know what iI am going through emotionally in my head all you really have to do is listen to my playlist. If you are emotionally inclined you can read between the lines and find the connections between the songs I am listening to and what I am thinking and feeling.

I have always been impressed by people who can read me this way. Miss Salty was one of these and it was sometimes scary how accurate she was. My ex-wife was not. Often she would just pass judgment on what I was listening to. She had no desire to know me in this way. The point I am making here is that the woman who can read my music and thus read me has an advantage. It’s a weakness, maybe. Or it is just a safer way for me to express my emotions without verbalizing them. I guess I would rather look at it as an open door to understanding the man who is The Grey Wayfarer.

Because my emotions change, what I listen to changes with it. It is probably also why I look for new music all the time because I do run into emotions that have no expression and I look for something musical to express them. Sometimes I am successful and sometimes I am not. But the search can be some of the most rewarding I have done. Especially when something new turns out to be perfect.

It’s probably why I don’t hate on any genre, but there are some I just don’t resonate with. Probably because what they express just isn’t me or my emotions.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Looking for A Shieldmaiden

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day!

Since my divorce, I have dated a handful of times. Mostly this has ended in a “Meh” from both me and the woman. While I can’t speak for the woman’s side as the only feedback I got from a couple of them was – ‘it might be too early for you Ed.” Yeah, my brain says you are probably right, but my dick says otherwise. Never been a guy for one-night stands because I have figured my empathic nature requires that I have some sort of feeling for a woman before I would have sex with her. And let’s be honest, the whole female-male thing is about sex in large part, but a long-term relationship requires a different viewpoint. My situation requires that I be having sex for good emotional/relational reasons, not just physical ones.

There are, of course, other reasons for a man and woman to be involved with each other. I would still say the time-honored and tested method of having a good stable family is nuclear, although I think others work as well. Evolution created and society recognizes this in practicality, if not vocally. My reasons for having a woman in my life in a relationship are not a long list. The qualities I am looking for are, in my opinion, feminine strengths. Even if the woke and politically correct crowd does not recognize them as such. In short, I am looking for a Shieldmaiden.

  1. Fidelity – I don’t want to worry if she has my back or not. When the world tries to come at us as a couple, I want us to go automatically back to back and the world loses. I want a woman who is strong in her feminine nature but understands that being independent is about freedom of choices. It doesn’t mean we don’t need each other.
  2. Peace – Bring my life peace. Make my dick hard, not my life and I will not make you hot and bothered, not give you tears. By carrying each other’s burdens our overall load gets lighter. When things get chaotic, we turn to each other to calm the chaos. Our home is the pale of peace and safety and we both work hard to make it so.
  3. Intimacy – It is easy to point to the sexual side of intimacy and that is very important. But I want a woman who is intimate of mind and heart as well. Where the ‘pillow talk’ matters just as much as the sex before it; conversation just as much as coitus.

I don’t think that is asking too much and it’s not a long list. I know this is something that takes time to develop, but if this is the goal and desire, I am willing to make it so.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Yes, I Still Follow the Nine Noble Virtues

Happy Odin’s Day!

I still follow the Nine Noble Virtues (NNV). I feel that following a system or code of virtue is far more valuable than following a religion or spiritualism because the results are far more tangible. Real-world application to life is far more important to me than it used to be when I was religious. Application to every day is what matters. The NNV provide that, as they transcend religions and theoretical philosophies. Simply put, they work.

Every Virtue has a real-world expression. They also combine to provide different expressions. Industriousness needs courage at times to lead to success as one faces risk while working at something with a good attitude about work. Can anyone not see the connection between honor and truth? For me, by following the NNV I end up with a life that expresses itself with love, justice, and wisdom. Qualities that no decent person should fault anyone for.

I simply remind everyone who reads this blog that much of what it means to me to be The Grey Wayfarer is to follow this philosophy – the Nine Nobel Virtues. It is something that guides my decisions and thoughts and I will write on it fairly often.

Thanks for stopping by.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Poem – “Dried Salt”

Happy Tyr’s Day!

“Dried Salt” – by Ed Raby, Sr.

My tears have dried

Dried salt on my face.

Once your salt gave me joy

But now the savor has ended

All that remains is your salt on my cheeks

Memories of pain and sorrow traced in saline.

Joy, Happiness, Anger, Sadness, Loss, Grief

My tears tell the story of my life.

A history written in briny lines.

I long now for new salt on my cheeks

Where fresh wetness returns made of Joy and Happiness

If only the memories of your dried salt would fade

Writer’s Commentary: I said yesterday that my muse of grief and loss from Miss Salty seemed to have dried up and this is mostly true I still have a weakness for every girl I have loved in my life so that weakness for her remains. True for even my first love and my ex-wife. I care about them all and all of them have caused tears. I suppose my love for all of them will never completely fade away. But only one of them got the name Miss Salty as a nickname.

I guess my problem is that my desire for a woman in my life is one that gives me peace and intimacy. Life is turmoil and cold so you want the home to be the opposite of that. The woman in your life as a man should bring peace and intimacy. It’s all I really want.

Poetry is hard for me still because it was Miss Salty who taught me the core of it and how to express myself so It seems every time that tinge will be there of sadness. Wondering what my poems would look like if there was joy behind that relationship instead of loss and sadness.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

“Undying” – Skald Tales and Poems – Poem

Happy Mani’s Day! 

“Undying” – by Edward W. Raby, Sr. May 3-4, 2020

My love for you never dies

But that is not as good as it seems.

It drains me as it is not returned

Like a vampire’s kiss,

Thrilling and draining.

I give and get nothing.

You drain the blood of my love

From within it bleeds into you

But you are indifferent

Like a bored eternal vampire

you have moved on,

but I remain the one that is drained.

I miss what your love did for me,

but I hate what it does to me

If only it would die.

Perhaps I could slay this love

With a wooden stake peirce it forever

But I cannot – for it is undying.

Author’s Note’s

I am only going to note here that this is the first poem I have written in a while and I truly feel this. Perhaps it is no the greatest, but it is an expression of a part of my heart.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“The End of a Streak” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

Happy Tyr’s Day

Journal Entry:

My final count was 560 days of blogging at least one post a day and that came to an end yesterday as I made the willful decision to end it that day.  The problem is twofold: 1) I need a little more time to do something I need to do and 2) the steak was becoming more of a slavery than a joy. Monkey off my back, I am free to pursue this blog as I see fit again.

I will continue to write regularly but only about five posts a  week.  I will be doing the following order.

Week A – Of Wolves and Ravens (Mani’s Day) and Freya’s Chamber’s (Frigg and Freya’s Day)

Week B – Dark ShieldMaiden (Odin’s Day) and The Pagan Pulpit (Sol’s Day)

Repeat.

This week is me engaged in some final thoughts before plunging in and finalizing the bigger picture regarding each virtue.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain my YouTube Channel with at least two videos uploaded a week.

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

Solid Here – trying to build my YouTube Channel and keeping my big hike in view.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross two things off my bucket list by March 31st, 2021.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

Two Bucket list items need to go this year. I think it can be done easily enough.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Honestly Pursue, Accept and Speak Truth to All who will Listen.

Goal: To Write a Book by March 31st, 2021

Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in a year.

I need to get a book written this year and start at some point reading a book for a week for a year but I think that might start later in this year say September when I truly put together my reading list.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I flipped a switch this week and I have gone full-on love me first and that was a bittersweet moment.  I know some people are not going to like what I am going to do in the long term – fuck em.

Morning Routine:

  1. Stretching / Yoga
  2. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  3. Meditation – 5 min.
  4. Breakfast, Morning Meds.
  5. Check Communications and Email.
  6. Paper Journal: Update To-Do List.
  7. Shower, Personal Hygiene, Get Dressed for the Day.

New and good.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Final Form – Foundational Virtues” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

Happy Tyr’s Day

Journal Entry:

So it is time to finalize some things for the coming year.  My Journal posts are about keeping me focused on the virtues, principles, goals, bucket list and routines I need to make my life more than it is.  This has also been instrumental in my battle against The Grey. The whole blog really has.  This week it is time to get things in their final form and get moving on my goals for the year.

A few universal things – my bucket list has been revised and the time element has been removed.  The goal under Courage will always have crossing off a certain number of bucket list items each year so that is my time limit point of reference. Old Goals have either been replaced or edited.

Details under each Virtue.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain my YouTube Channel with at least two videos uploaded a week.

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

The main focus is to develop my new soapbox in my YouTube channel The Rabyd Atheist while at the same time this blog will also continue. My bucket list item here has no timeline anymore but that is OK because it is my first major hike I want to do and so when it happens is no big deal as long as it happens.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross two things off my bucket list by March 31st, 2021.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

The issue for the goal every year under Courage will be to cross some things off the bucket list.  Because I did not meet this goal last year it will grow by one. I eventually want the standard number to be two every year with modifications made based on the previous year.  Example: Let’s say that this year I do three. Next year it would be two minus one because of the one over two and so I would only have to do one the next year. This goes the other way too.  My main point is to keep crossing things off the bucket list on a regular yearly basis.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Honestly Pursue, Accept and Speak Truth to All who will Listen.

Goal: To Write a Book by March 31st, 2021

Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in a year.

I just want to write a book and get into the habit of reading here. As bucket list items go it simply means I need to make up a list of 52 books to read and start reading one a week on average. Two habits need to be formed to be a good writer and this is the way.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Time to do stuff for me for a while.  I am heading that direction. Call me selfish if you want but after a lifetime of giving to others at my expense, time to flip the switch and worry about me.

Morning Routine:

  1. Stretching / Yoga
  2. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  3. Meditation – 5 min.
  4. Breakfast, Morning Meds.
  5. Check Communications and Email.
  6. Paper Journal: Update To-Do List.
  7. Shower, Personal Hygiene, Get Dressed for the Day.

This routine gets me ready for every day.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!