“Undying” – Skald Tales and Poems – Poem

Happy Mani’s Day! 

“Undying” – by Edward W. Raby, Sr. May 3-4, 2020

My love for you never dies

But that is not as good as it seems.

It drains me as it is not returned

Like a vampire’s kiss,

Thrilling and draining.

I give and get nothing.

You drain the blood of my love

From within it bleeds into you

But you are indifferent

Like a bored eternal vampire

you have moved on,

but I remain the one that is drained.

I miss what your love did for me,

but I hate what it does to me

If only it would die.

Perhaps I could slay this love

With a wooden stake peirce it forever

But I cannot – for it is undying.

Author’s Note’s

I am only going to note here that this is the first poem I have written in a while and I truly feel this. Perhaps it is no the greatest, but it is an expression of a part of my heart.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“The End of a Streak” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

Happy Tyr’s Day

Journal Entry:

My final count was 560 days of blogging at least one post a day and that came to an end yesterday as I made the willful decision to end it that day.  The problem is twofold: 1) I need a little more time to do something I need to do and 2) the steak was becoming more of a slavery than a joy. Monkey off my back, I am free to pursue this blog as I see fit again.

I will continue to write regularly but only about five posts a  week.  I will be doing the following order.

Week A – Of Wolves and Ravens (Mani’s Day) and Freya’s Chamber’s (Frigg and Freya’s Day)

Week B – Dark ShieldMaiden (Odin’s Day) and The Pagan Pulpit (Sol’s Day)

Repeat.

This week is me engaged in some final thoughts before plunging in and finalizing the bigger picture regarding each virtue.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain my YouTube Channel with at least two videos uploaded a week.

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

Solid Here – trying to build my YouTube Channel and keeping my big hike in view.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross two things off my bucket list by March 31st, 2021.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

Two Bucket list items need to go this year. I think it can be done easily enough.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Honestly Pursue, Accept and Speak Truth to All who will Listen.

Goal: To Write a Book by March 31st, 2021

Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in a year.

I need to get a book written this year and start at some point reading a book for a week for a year but I think that might start later in this year say September when I truly put together my reading list.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I flipped a switch this week and I have gone full-on love me first and that was a bittersweet moment.  I know some people are not going to like what I am going to do in the long term – fuck em.

Morning Routine:

  1. Stretching / Yoga
  2. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  3. Meditation – 5 min.
  4. Breakfast, Morning Meds.
  5. Check Communications and Email.
  6. Paper Journal: Update To-Do List.
  7. Shower, Personal Hygiene, Get Dressed for the Day.

New and good.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Final Form – Foundational Virtues” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

Happy Tyr’s Day

Journal Entry:

So it is time to finalize some things for the coming year.  My Journal posts are about keeping me focused on the virtues, principles, goals, bucket list and routines I need to make my life more than it is.  This has also been instrumental in my battle against The Grey. The whole blog really has.  This week it is time to get things in their final form and get moving on my goals for the year.

A few universal things – my bucket list has been revised and the time element has been removed.  The goal under Courage will always have crossing off a certain number of bucket list items each year so that is my time limit point of reference. Old Goals have either been replaced or edited.

Details under each Virtue.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain my YouTube Channel with at least two videos uploaded a week.

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

The main focus is to develop my new soapbox in my YouTube channel The Rabyd Atheist while at the same time this blog will also continue. My bucket list item here has no timeline anymore but that is OK because it is my first major hike I want to do and so when it happens is no big deal as long as it happens.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross two things off my bucket list by March 31st, 2021.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

The issue for the goal every year under Courage will be to cross some things off the bucket list.  Because I did not meet this goal last year it will grow by one. I eventually want the standard number to be two every year with modifications made based on the previous year.  Example: Let’s say that this year I do three. Next year it would be two minus one because of the one over two and so I would only have to do one the next year. This goes the other way too.  My main point is to keep crossing things off the bucket list on a regular yearly basis.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Honestly Pursue, Accept and Speak Truth to All who will Listen.

Goal: To Write a Book by March 31st, 2021

Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in a year.

I just want to write a book and get into the habit of reading here. As bucket list items go it simply means I need to make up a list of 52 books to read and start reading one a week on average. Two habits need to be formed to be a good writer and this is the way.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Time to do stuff for me for a while.  I am heading that direction. Call me selfish if you want but after a lifetime of giving to others at my expense, time to flip the switch and worry about me.

Morning Routine:

  1. Stretching / Yoga
  2. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  3. Meditation – 5 min.
  4. Breakfast, Morning Meds.
  5. Check Communications and Email.
  6. Paper Journal: Update To-Do List.
  7. Shower, Personal Hygiene, Get Dressed for the Day.

This routine gets me ready for every day.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Writing Thoughts – O For a Muse of Fire” – The Rabyd Skald

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day!

I have been thinking of late about how much I struggle writing.  I never used to have this much problem doing it, but these days it is a major uphill struggle and I can only figure one reason.  I don’t have muse anymore. I lack that person, real or imaginary to inspire my writing and it is becoming a real problem. 

In many ways, my imagination has always personified itself into a form that I have called my muse  This was contrasted by a personification of my internal editor. My muse was always female and my editor male. Just imaginary concepts to have a conversation with while I was writing. My muses have represented that which I found important at the time.

  1. In my early days, my writing was inspired by my boyhood imagination.  My muse became a personification of that. A young teasing girl my own age who pushed me.
  2. Faith was my muse for most of my writing up until I left my faith five years ago.  I did notice this struggle at that time as well.
  3. Only one time did my muse center around an actual person and Elpis the Dryad was a personification of the inspiration Miss Salty gave me. Miss Salty remains the only actual female that was also my muse. It is one of many reasons I still have a hard time shrugging her off my heart, she is truly unique to me. She was and sometimes remains and inspiration to my writing. Or at least who she presented herself to be to me was.  Now the only inspiration she gives me is the occasional sad love poem.

This leaves me with a hole I have not truly filled back in and it makes me struggle writing. I am so scattered in my thoughts these days when I write.  I need new creative focus and I will be damned if I can figure out what it will be.  Something to set my imagination on fire so the digital ink burns as I tap the keys.

See the source image

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Writing Erotica” – Freya’s Chambers – Sensual Art

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day!

Disclaimer:  The topics covered in Freya’s Chambers include serious discussions of sex, sexuality and related issues.  If it isn’t your thing; you can move along, otherwise enjoy and feel free to discuss.  Given the nature of some subjects be prepared for nude images as there may be some.  I avoid genitalia as a general rule but is not always possible.

See the source image

Discussion:

I haven’t really addressed the subject of sensual literature so far in Freya’s Chamber’s so here goes.  I am not a fan of romance novels as the plot seems pretty much the same.  The only innovation I have seen is not it is not always exclusively boy meets girl.  They=, meet, a problem arises, the overcome problem while falling in love, they confess love and curtain.  The sex scene that would follow such stories is far more interesting because the romance to me is all the hype of how passionate people are toward each other.  That sex scene would reveal if the hype was just hype or real passion.  Making love does that.

See the source image

Erotic novels try to capture that passion and give it physical form. It indicates how creative we are when it comes to sex as quite frankly the ways we make love are legion and the ability to describe them with words is, in my opinion, a difficult art.  It is this descriptive wordplay of erotica that draws people to it.

See the source image

I have tried my hand at erotic stories.  Privately and both before I left the ministry and after. It is not as easy as you might think  Words that envoke fantasy and passionate sex are not just run of the mill words. There is a whole new vocabulary, grammar style and way of fitting words together to describe what two (or more) people are doing so not only can you see it with your mind, but feel it with your heart, smell it, taste it and feel eery sensual action. Try simply describing and writing out a sex act you had once nad capture al that and you will see what I mean

See the source image

Most of my erotic stories when I first started centered on married couples trying to resurrect passion in their lovemaking.  Later it became about forbidden love or even infidelity. Adding in fetishes and other human traits simply followed in these themes.  Recently though I have written about mental sex.  Two people sit down in a cafe and look at one another and basically have sex with each other in their imaginations.  It gets interesting to switch back and forth as they each have subtle differences in how they perceive each other. Sometimes they know each other, other times they don’t.  Nothing gets beyond the short story.

See the source image

Sensual words are something that impresses me now. It is hard to do them right and with effectiveness. Like all writers, those who craft erotic literature are all over the place as far as skill and depth.  Those that are the most skillful, seem to pull me into their world where I am not just a voyeur but a participant in the making love itself.

See the source image

Perhaps one day I will get it right myself and pull that off.

My Two Cents,

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Foundational Goals – Old and New” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Goals

Happy Tyr’s Day

Journal Entry:

My foundational goals have been the least successful.  I did ain’t an my daily blog streak but getting something off the bucket list and getting my non-fiction book finished did not pan out. 1-2 record here but I have learned a few things as well. Basically, I need one new goal and I need to edit the other two to provide for a better chance of success.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).  (achieved)

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

New Goal: Maintain my YouTube Channel with at least two videos uploaded a week.

I am using another platform in addition to the blog to move forward with developing and honorable stance toward life. This has given me a pulpit and by this time next year, I want to look back a YouTube channel that is full of videos.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

Edited Goal: Cross two things off my bucket list by March 31st, 2021.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Honestly Pursue, Accept and Speak Truth to All who will Listen.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in the year 2020.

Edited Goal: To Write a Book by March 31st, 2021

The goal is to simply write a book. Period.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I struggle with love right now simply because I define it so differently now and I realize the loving myself is not only OK but the most important thing.

Morning Routine:

  1. Stretching / Yoga
  2. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  3. Meditation – 5 min.
  4. Check Communications and Email.
  5. Paper Journal: Update To-Do List.
  6. Shower, Personal Hygiene, Get Dressed for the Day
  7. Breakfast, Morning Meds.
  8. Rest Days – Morning Walk (weather permitting)

I am going back to working out after work, the moment the COVID-19 thing is done.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Reconsidering Goals – Part 1” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

Happy Tyr’s Day

Journal Entry:

With Virtues and Principles in hand, it is now time to set a purpose for them to engage.  My Goals are set every year and the main goal is to finish all nine of them.  I use the Virtues and principles as much as possible to create them related to them.

Because I am not really finished thinking about these goals at the present time today I am going to simply state that I want to learn from these last goals to make ones that are on the on hand challenging and the other hand are achievable.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).  (achieved)

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

Last year it was blogging and this year it needs to be about finding honor.  Finding a new path to honor than the old one.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

I may not make this one.  So it might return with the ‘penalty of saying I need to cross two or three things off.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Honestly Pursue, Accept and Speak Truth to All who will Listen.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in the year 2020.

Nt going to happen but I think the problem is I limited it too much.  I just need to write and finish a book this next year and submit it to publication. That said, maybe this goal should be about my activism as an atheist rather than writing.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Love me. I need to love me.

Morning Routine:

  1. Stretching / Yoga
  2. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  3. Meditation – 5 min.
  4. Check Communications and Email.
  5. Paper Journal: Update To-Do List.
  6. Work Days: Dress in Gym Clothes: Go to Gym – Weightlifting / Exercise
  7. Shower, Personal Hygiene, Get Dressed for the Day
  8. Breakfast, Morning Meds.
  9. Rest Days – Morning Walk (weather permitting)

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Nine Principle Axes – Part 1” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

Happy Tyr’s Day

Journal Entry:

My Principles are active, not passive.  It might be said virtues can be both but I deliberately designed my principles attached to each virtue to make the virtue go to work.  To turn it into an active power rather than a passive idea that does nothing.

In the art of foundational virtues, this is important as something like truth and honor does have a passive strength, but that, in my opinion, is built by active pursuit which requires active principles to guide them. my principles are like axes to the virtues’ shields. One protects and the other attacks.  That is what makes these one-two combination work.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).  (achieved)

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

I struggle with honor as far as actively seeking that feeling of well-being for myself.  As I consider my goals for the future I need to look more actively at this and try to order my goals accordingly.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

I am having to an easier time with courage and acting with courage,  I just hesitate with certain issues and events I am trying to do.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Honestly Pursue, Accept and Speak Truth to All who will Listen.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in the year 2020.

I have become more of n advocate for various things that interest me.  The Rabyd Atheist has not only been a good YouTube channel for me but a new pulpit for things I consider true. I am definitely turning into more of an active truth presenter.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Loving myself has become a central issue in all this.

Morning Routine:

  1. Stretching / Yoga
  2. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  3. Meditation – 5 min.
  4. Check Communications and Email.
  5. Paper Journal: Update To-Do List.
  6. Work Days: Dress in Gym Clothes: Go to Gym – Weightlifting / Exercise
  7. Shower, Personal Hygiene, Get Dressed for the Day
  8. Breakfast, Morning Meds.
  9. Rest Days – Morning Walk (weather permitting)

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Vintage Gynephilic” – Freya’s Chambers

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day!

Disclaimer:  The topics covered in Freya’s Chambers include serious discussions of sex, sexuality and related issues.  If it isn’t your thing; you can move along, otherwise enjoy and feel free to discuss.  Given the nature of some subjects be prepared for nude images as there may be some.  I avoid genitalia as a general rule but is not always possible.

Discussion:

Some time ago I wrote as part of my sexual identity is that not only am I very heterosexual but that I probably take it a step further by being very gynephilic – that is I have a deep love for women in general. This something I used to struggle with as a Christian as you are not supposed to love women like that as the can tempt you to sin.  But now, I find the love of women one of my few joys in life. As I said before, I love how they look, smell, talk, act and just their overall femininity.

See the source image

I know I get along better with most women than men. That is probably because I have a basic philosophy that some apocalyptic crises could happen and if I survive it, I want to be able to cuddle up with a woman at the end fo the day and you never know who that will be. I know that sounds strange I suppose, but the ladies do keep me fascinated and hopeful so I am not really picky as to the type of woman in crisis I would shack up with as long as they are cuddly.

See the source image

All of this started when I was very young with pin-up girls, a few copies of Playboy under my bed and an interesting encounter with one of my teachers who lived next door. I was about ten when that last one happened and when you go over to your teacher’s house to get a copy of book you wanted to finish that summer only to find her dressed in a short negligee she threw over herself because she was probably a nudist, as a young boy you suddenly realize that the female of the species is pretty fascinating.  So fascinating that you stop playing little boy games with your friends and start to dedicate a lot of your time to figure them out.

See the source image

While my friends were playing with snakes and in the creek, I was noticing girls and women were wonderfully different. Hitting puberty early didn’t help matters.  I soon became head over heels in love with girls and women.

See the source image

Probably the most magical thing about that time is as a boy growing up in the eighties, the sensual stuff about women was what today would be considered vintage.  Today you can get any pose of any type of woman you would like.  Back then it was more of a very selected group as well as being shots that were set up very carefully. it was an art in and of itself.

See the source image

I guess that is why I still love pin-ups and the girls from that era more than those of today.  Although the girls of today seem far better at the sensual posing than girls of the past who were more interested in being flirty not sensually powerful.  To me, it has always been about how beautiful and wonderful women are and that is why I love them. Call me a vintage gynephilic.

See the source image

 

My Two Cents,

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Pressing Through The Grey” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and the Wayfarer – Part 29

Happy Woden’s (Odin’s) Day!

Family disclaimer: You know the drill.  Going to be pretty open here.

This lest month has been a round of The grey that I am still trying to keep going through.  Things are getting better in small incremental ways but it is becoming clear that I cannot remain where I am geographically for too much longer.  I need change or the promise of coming change in a short amount of time or things are going to be more and more difficult to fight off.  I am too near people I hate, trigger memories I don’t want or make life awkward for me.

I have a plan in motion but I need to keep it pretty close to the vest because the last thing I need is my enemies getting ahold of it. Sometimes it is best to let them eat static and silence.  The main issue for me is my emotions about things as I am definitely leaning more to the side of self-love and fulfillment on this one than anything else.  It is what gets me out of The Grey when I think about it.  That’s how I know it is pretty solid.

I press on in other ways through this blog, my Youtube channel and finding some solace in the weights and work.  I am hoping the weather breaks soon so I can get some walking in. I need to activate as many coping mechanisms as possible.

The problems are that I feel so little connection at times.  Something my therapist indicates she worries about. I miss a lot of things relational and emotional right now and this triggers The Grey fairly regularly.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!