If you know me you know that my musical taste is very eclectic. Mostly, I tend to listen to music that reflects my emotions. Some people, a very few, have been able to figure out that if you want to know what iI am going through emotionally in my head all you really have to do is listen to my playlist. If you are emotionally inclined you can read between the lines and find the connections between the songs I am listening to and what I am thinking and feeling.
I have always been impressed by people who can read me this way. Miss Salty was one of these and it was sometimes scary how accurate she was. My ex-wife was not. Often she would just pass judgment on what I was listening to. She had no desire to know me in this way. The point I am making here is that the woman who can read my music and thus read me has an advantage. It’s a weakness, maybe. Or it is just a safer way for me to express my emotions without verbalizing them. I guess I would rather look at it as an open door to understanding the man who is The Grey Wayfarer.
Because my emotions change, what I listen to changes with it. It is probably also why I look for new music all the time because I do run into emotions that have no expression and I look for something musical to express them. Sometimes I am successful and sometimes I am not. But the search can be some of the most rewarding I have done. Especially when something new turns out to be perfect.
It’s probably why I don’t hate on any genre, but there are some I just don’t resonate with. Probably because what they express just isn’t me or my emotions.
I remain.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods, goddesses, or whatever powers that be (if any) either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.
We also don’t take an offering here. We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it. Let’s be honest, offerings are not given to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it. Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never sees a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.
“Be Brave and Aggressive, Be Prepared, Be a Good Merchant, Keep the Camp in Order”
Sermon: ‘Viking Philosophy – Part 1 – Introduction’
I have been holding on to this picture of “Viking Laws” now for a little while. I have thought about it and feel that a more practical series of Viking Philosophy is in order after my long treatment of Asatru. The practical side of living life according to the philosophy of the Vikings might be in order.
In summary, the philosophy comes down to four items:
Be Brave and Aggressive
Be Prepared
Be a Good Merchant
Keep the Camp in Order
I want to take each of these fora week for four weeks and then consider a conclusion to the whole in this short but I think necessary series. My main issue is practical application of philosophy to life. Of Wolves and Ravens is dedicated to that but this is a little more ‘spiritual’ as well with a sense of community and connection to the Nine Noble Virtues.
Until next week I can only say this short four phrase sentence will be on my mind a lot in the coming month. In the meantime, I challenge you to meditate on it as well. It’s time to pull back a bit from the theology of the Vikings and look at their philosophy of life.
Parting Thought:
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods, goddesses, or whatever powers that be (if any) either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.
We also don’t take an offering here. We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it. Let’s be honest, offerings are not given to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it. Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never sees a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.
Theme Song: “Diese Kalte Nacht” – FAUN
Lyric Video:
Meditation:
Text:
If you want more details about Asatru, I can’t recommend this book enough.
Sermon:
It was a surprise to me how little I had to change things regarding holidays after I dropped my Christianity in the scrap heap and embraced a more pagan view of holidays. Much of what was pagan, has been absorbed by Christianity. But mostly the holidays reflect the time of the changing seasons. The circle of life.
In venerating the gods and goddesses, the followers of Asatru are simply giving their proper nods to the gods of each time of the year. Mostly there is the notion of Winter and Summer with the transition times more popularly known as Fall and Spring. The issue of holidays is not so much one of noting special events although that does happen for heroes like Leif Ericson but rather about noting the change of the season and the unchanging cycle.
These are the Blóts of note and have their celebrations that are mostly festive although there are some somber occasions particularly in remembrance. But the feeling I get this is more about the celebration of life, honoring the dead and giving devotion to the friends known as the gods.
For me, this was a logical step as I wanted to step away from Christian holidays as I have no desire to be reminded of them. However, I did need to have reasons to celebrate with family and freinds and this is important from a community standpoint even as an atheist pagan. So the holidays are the Viking ones to me and so Yuletide comes soon. They give a time of reflection and reminders of the changing times as well.
Parting Thought:
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods, goddesses, or whatever powers that be (if any) either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.
We also don’t take an offering here. We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it. Let’s be honest, offerings are not given to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it. Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never sees a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.
Theme Song: MANEGARM – ‘Blot’
An absolutely beautiful song. English translation below.
Sacrifice:
At the hills of the kings
The trees of the gods are standing
An ash tree so proud and strong
A link to the land of the gods
A gate to ancient worlds
Made open with life
A sacrifice made with nine hanged
Whose flesh the ravens prey on
The fields that are here, bear the wounds from the years of famine
Seeds are vanishing in their path
Hear our speech
Bring our sacrifice to your table
A sacrifice to honor you, we give life
We give blood
Give us your crops
Let it the starved earth grow
Give life to the barren north
The fields that are here, bear the wounds from the years of famine
If you want more details about Asatru, I can’t recommend this book enough.
Sermon:
Probably the two most common things that I understand quite well because religions all have them are 1) Festivals and 2) Services. In Asatru, the words are Blót and Sumble but the concept is the same.
Blóts are festivals that involve sacrifice. There are lots of these that either focuses on a particular deity or centered around a holiday. Blóts vary in style and elements depending on the worshipers much like any religion but there are a few common elements to all of them. 1) Preparation, 2) Focusing, 3) Invocation, 4) Offering, 5) Blessing, 6) Sharing, 7) Completion. These elements are commonalities and I have seen them in pretty much any type of religion when it comes to the celebration fo holidays.
A sumble is more of a regular meeting for the purposes of meeting together as a group of worshipers. It is far less formal than a Blót although it can be part of a Blót. Basically put, the master or mistress of ceremonies fills the horn with ale or mead and then announces the focus of that round of the sumble and then either gives the horn to the one taking the role of the Valkerie or just to the next person. The person drinks and then gives it to the next person or speaks with the focus of that round in mind. This is the time for toasts, boasts, and oaths. One tradition has the first round being the focus of praise to the gods, the second round is to remember the honored dead and the third to give oaths as an example.
Oaths are a special case because the sumble has certain responsibilities to the oath-taker. Most notably to challenge the oath if they think it too large or difficult. The group is responsible to make sure oaths are reasonable. They are also responsible to praise fulfilled oaths and penalize or fine oaths that fail.
I have to say that there are two things that happened this week that are of note in regard to Asatru and religion in general. In my group of former ministers turned atheist/agnostic, we spoke this week on social values of religion and how it can hold families, cultures, and societies together. part of that was the mention of holidays and services. People need some symbols and practices to note their tribe and culture and religion often fills that role. The substitute for me is Norse paganism.
The second thing that happened was during work. Thanksgiving I had to work and it is Black ‘Friday’s start so I was there helping with setting up and on the second half of the day checking receipts as people left the store. During that whole time, I was wearing my Wolf Hammer (above) as it was Thor’s Day. I received about five comments on how cool it was and two of those specifically mentioned how they appreciated other religions being represented at this time of year, one mentioning Yuletide. One guy even showed me his hammer tattoed to the top part of his chest. I never met any of these people before in my life, but the connection was there.
This illustrates the power that blóts ad sumbles undoubtedly have to build community and connection. Something that has been missing from my life. Something I probably need to recover. I really don’t connect with Christians that well anymore.
Parting Thought:
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
The last few days are a blur and it is probably going to take a few journal entries to sort out. Of course, by seeing this entry you know that I survived the encounter with the Death Angels on Halloween Night. I will note so none worry, that Amber and Lunette are also with me. We are all alive and in a new place. That said, I don’t think I will be the same again. None of us will.
The Battle was one of the closest I had ever been in. There were as far as we can tell six Death Angels. According to Lunette and Amber, there were three men and three women. I only got to see two because it is the one I fought and the one who hit me with the death spell that I noted. The girls were busy with the other members of the Council’s death squad. The one that was immediate in my face was a man and he had bad breath and came with a hoard of rats that he used to tap into his powers. He was wielding a sword made of magic – the green shit of the movies.
Honest and he came at me full speed and it was all I could do to hold the porch of the cabin against his attacks which were rapid and continuous. I could see Amber burning something out of one corner of one eye and Lunette doing her pinball thing out fo the other. But it was a full-time shield act to keep this guy from landing a blow plus keep his rats away from biting my ankles. My whole attention was focused on this guy and that is what lead to my downfall.
I heard the death spell being chanted and could not do anything about it. I backed up a little to the edge of the door and then I could see her. Pale as shit and skyclad. Her alabaster body was beautiful as was the rest of her and her hair long and pure white. Her one hand was extended toward me and she was chanting the Death Spell, the other hand was wrapped around the neck of a young teenage girl. The sacrifice for the spell.
I could do nothing except strengthen my shield and hope that one fo the girls helped my ass. But no help came and the spell steaked like a bolt of eldritch green from her hand and hit me square in the chest. At the last minute though, I felt something strange and yet loving; it made me feel at peace. As I fell, I could feel my shield slipping as death came over me. I lost consciousness and dropped to the floor of the porch. It was the last thing I remember of the fight.
According to the girls, they saw what was happening too late and then when I fell they got pissed. Lunette literally when psycho at that moment and streaked off at the naked witch. When she struck she didn’t hold anything back and literally started to do her pinball thing and hitting hard enough to break bones. Amber for her part let loose a fireball on two necromancers she was fighting with and I guess it burned them to a cinder where they stood. In a matter of seconds, it was two on three.
The other two Lunette had been dealing with turned tail including the guy we had seen in town. Lunette turned her attention to rat necromancer and because his rats couldn’t fly like she could, she made short work of him. The snap of his bones as she struck was audible to all. According to Amber, she was screaming rage the entire time. Amber for her part concentrated a fireball in her hands for a few seconds and let fly after the last two and when it struck the scream echoed in the night. 6-1 our win, but I was down. Lunette steaked to my side and grew full-sized ripping her miniature garment to tatters.
Amber and Lunette examined me. Probably crying their eyes out but neither girl spoke to me about that.
“Lunette, I can still feel him. He isn’t gone.”
Puzzled, Lunette reached out with her tattoo and confirmed I wasn’t dead. But I wasn’t alive either. They checked on the teenage girl and she wasn’t dead either. Barely alive.
According to the girls, they acted quickly gathering up our stuff, throwing everything into the pickup. The placed me and the girl in the back and took off. They left the girl in town on a park bench and called 911 and then took off again. Lunette knew a place that might be safe so she was determined to get to it and find out what happened with me.
What did happen to me? I need to think about it before I write about it. But I can tell you, I have many life-changing events and this is definitely in the top three. I will relay this tomorrow. The emotions of this whole thing are still pretty strong.
Writer’s Notes:
Two to one is a fair fight with my trio. If there is one weakness I have in real life it is a lack of speed. This played into the story. I prefer to think things out, create a plan and execute. In a situation where I can’t do that, its full-on defense and wait until I can. Yeah, that gets you busy and then dead if you’re facing as deadly an opponent as the Death Angels.
My emotions are real on this one and the couple to come. Particularly the next one.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods, goddesses, or whatever powers that be (if any) either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.
We also don’t take an offering here. We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it. Let’s be honest, offerings are not given to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it. Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never sees a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.
Theme Song: “Asatru, Nordic Roots”
Mediation:
Text:
If you want more details about Asatru, I can’t recommend this book enough.
Sermon:
With the idea of the friendship of the gods more prominent than anything Asatru worship of the gods as far as its practical form follows suit. The offerings, prayers, and altars reflect this and I find this as a former Christian minister very fascinating. Ritual is a part of religion and it has its purpose in being aspects of the relationship with the divine. In Asatru what I see in their rituals is more of a fellowship and friendship emphasis with the gods being the guests of honor.
Offerings in the modern-day tend to be drink offerings (alcoholic) and already prepared and cooked food. In the old days, the slaughter of the animal, skinning, and cooking were a part of it. But very few people today tend to know how to do this so buying food and preparing it is substituted. As with a lot of religions drink offerings are poured on the ground to symbolize the gods partaking. Food is offered up and then shared among the worshipers. Pagan offerings have a practical side and I wonder if the Christians realize that their potlucks and similar meal sharings have more in common with pagan worship of old than their own practice of communion.
Prayers are different. Asatru argues that for the most part, a worshiper should pray standing upright to indicate one’s relationship with the gods is not subservient so much friendship. Other than that, the details are more about what places one in an attitude of prayer; so whatever works. The prayers themselves, having read many of them, are more in line with most prayers I have heard starting with a Hail, followed by a recognition of the title of the god where they dwell and what they did with what weapon. Then there is an asking for aid with a summarization of the problem. In meditation in private, this takes the form of visitation fo the gods in their homes and engaging them in discussions that reflect the friendship nature of worship.
Altars provide the focus for this whether in homes or places of worship. They tend to be in mantlepieces but any space dedicated to the task of prayer and meditation will do. They also tend to be as individual as the people who use them reflecting their gods of choice. Statues, candles, banners, flowers in season, etc. can all be a part of an altar depending on the taste of the individual worshipper. Public altars tend to be a little simpler and reflect the group as a whole.
As an atheist, I don’t worship anything, but I do find that my meditation space has an altar quality to it and probably I will create something to reflect this myself. For me, of course, having a statue of Odin as the original Grey Wayfarer would be appropriate. A banner depicting wolves and ravens, a candle for a meditation focus and perhaps a spear to reflect Odin’s weapon. Runes would be prominent as well given Odin’s association with them. If I am going to meditate on the Nine Noble Virtues, I should have an appropriate setting.
Parting Thought:
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods, goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.
We also don’t take an offering here. We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it. Let’s be honest, offerings are not given to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it. Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never sees a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.
Theme Song: “Helvegen – The Way to Hel” Wardruna
Meditation:
Text:
If you want more details about Asatru, I can’t recommend this book enough.
Sermon:
Somewhere along the way the depictions of Hel or Hella, to differentiate her from the realm she rules, became a half beautiful woman and half corpse. But the original description of her in mythology simply has her half black and half white. The one thing is for sure a lot of elements Christianity crept in as time passed as regards her realm more properly known as Helheim. She is the goddess of those who die of natural causes and not in battle. Her realm is mainly described as a continuation of this one but forever. Forever, of course, being defined as until Ragnarok when everything basically hits the reset button.
Hella is in a couple stories of significance. First, her origin story which has her as the child of Loki and a giantess. It is in this story that she is placed in charge of Helheim by Odin himself. Her spheres are not pleasant ones – sickness, famine, old age. Her artifacts reflect all of this.
The other story is, of course, the story of Baldar who ends up, somehow even though he died in battle, in her realm. The gods attempt to appeal to her for his release. Her condition is that every person must weep for his death. Loki, of course, has a hand in making sure one person does not and Balbar remains with Hella. She also is in charge of keeping Fenrir the great wolf bound until his release at Ragnarok. It is interesting how much she figures into the story when it comes to the end of things and perhaps that is her real sphere – the end.
To the followers of Asatru, Hella is venerated not as someone to be feared. She is simply one of the options one might find oneself in when you reach the afterlife. Her real job is to offer comfort to those who have died and give them rest from the toils of this world. The people who live in Helheim admire and respect her.
For me, she offers an interesting paradox of a character. Of dubious origin being the child of Loki, she fills the role fo bastard daughter who finds herself in a position \of power and thus both loved and feared. Her personality might be a little brooding and gloomy, but given her job who can blame her.
In my writing when I have depicted death allegorically or as a traveling companion to the hero, I find she always takes the form of a woman and I have to say this is due ot Hella’s influence. I see her as not only gloomy and foreboding but with a dark sense of humor who occasionally can find laughter in the ironic particular as regards death.
Parting Thought:
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Of course in the middle of the triumph of achieving a goal, The Grey would have to make an appearance and the problem is it is not one single thing causing the issue but several scattered showers of shit I would rather not deal with; but there it is. There have been all kinds of scattered Grey showers this week and I haven’t been able to control them all the time which has led to some sleepless nights and emotions that have been less than happy ones.
It actually started the day after I achieved my one-year blogging goal with the simple thought of – ‘yeah that’s great, but you still don’t have a better job yet.” I hate moments like that because they seem to take all the joy of succeeding at something away from me in a second. I shell up and just exist. I need a new job it’s true, but blogging every single day without fail is an achievement, I know and anyone who blogs knows it is. It’s just The Grey has a tendency to crop in after I have a high moment.
If this wasn’t enough, I am working one day and over the speakers, it becomes clear that they have at long last changed the loop of songs to something new. Cool right? Except that now twice a day it seems I hear the song I don’t want to hear. “All of Me” by John Legend. It’s not that I think it is a bad song, it’s damn skippy good. It is also connected emotionally to Miss Salty in a very strong way and then the whole memories shit of that relationship comes up and I want to cry. Yeah, 6’4″ 275 lbs. weightlifter crying at work. So The Grey kicks in as a protective measure and I try to ignore the song. But later catch me singing it and thinking about her. What the Fuck? This is why I avoid this song in the first place, and now I can’t avoid it at times.
So, I finally get a day off and I go to bed the night before and I have a dream. Yeah, it’s about The Dirty Pig. Nothing big or symbolic just him making fun of me and laughing. Him doing his thing of doing things for his own entertainment and throwing me under the bus to that end. I used to be able to control my dreams a little, but as I grow older that ability seems to be lost. I think I still have enough ability to keep the ‘night terrors’ I used to have a bay. If they come back, that will not be good.
I wake up and then I had to get up for a bit. Kind of alarmed my wife as it is unusual for me to let my insomnia get me out of bed. The whole extreme anger thing is high with him. Hard to control. But then there is my old friend/enemy – the Grey and I head back to bed and fall asleep.
My personality type makes me emotionally intelligent. Sometimes called ’empathic’ and it’s pretty high in me. The curse is that strong emotions in others or in songs or from my past experiences get supercharged because of it. The Grey has developed in me as a counter to that. When things get too negatively strong, it kicks in to keep me sane. Cool huh? But the downside is I don’t give a shit about anyone else in those moments. I have also noted that The Grey occurs more frequently when I am not taking care of myself as far as self-love. Loving myself keeps the emotional balance better, but I have to really work at that as it is much more natural to help other people than myself.
The other defense is introversion, but that isn’t good for me either. Part of self-love is receiving love and you can’t do that by yourself. This what led to the problems of last year. My wife was penciling me into her busy schedule and I wasn’t a priority. The church was taking a lot out of me and not giving much back in terms of emotional support and school wasn’t the outlet for my attention like it had been. Along comes Miss Salty who absolutely understood this and BAM – affair, breakup, getting fired, near divorce, life turned upside down.
The problem is I am absolutely terrified of letting someone else in right now. Miss Salty leaving me and The Dirty Pig betraying my trust and leading the other friends I had at the church to fire me have all given me current trust issues off the chart at times. I function all right with people, but let them into my life to love and be loved by them? – yeah, no thanks. Got my family, a couple close friends and that is it. My wife helps a lot, but we both have to work and she is extroverted so she has to get away from the apartment or she would go nuts. That leaves me alone.
The other downside is I get along better with women than men. Men are comrades in arms but it takes a self-confident guy to be a friend that I trust.. I always feel men are competing with me rather than trying to be a friend. If you are that insecure, yeah, I don’t like you; because I know you’re going to brag about shit in front of me and I don’t do that. I don’t need to because I am pretty secure in my masculinity. I don’t have to prove my manhood to anybody. Only one other guy on the planet gets that right now and that is why we are best friends. Most men can’t handle that so they shy away for me or our relationship is the joking sarcasm of guys doing the same job and dealing with the same shit.
So women are easier to get along with for me. You can imagine how this is a downside. Today in the western world, 1) showing a woman some attention, 2) understanding her emotions and 3) being self-confident in your own masculinity equals flirting. Like, it comes naturally to me and that has lead to being flirted with back in return more than once. Pre-affair this was just fun and a way to play around that broke up the monotony of life. Women made my life more bearable with this flirting with boundaries thing.
Post-affair? You draw your own conclusions but I have some women now that it is purely professional much like I act with guys. But my natural tendencies are still there and so subtle I don’t often realize I am doing it. Getting close to another woman as a friend is just difficult and undesirable given recent events.
So, I am left with my one friend who lives far away who thankfully calls me every few days to check on me and my wife. My wife and I get along and she now very much understands that you can’t just pencil me in to be my lover/friend. I have to be much higher on the priority list than that because I am high maintenance when it comes to internal emotions.
That’s the bitch about being INFJ. Perfect personality my ass. Yeah, from an external point of view, we function and don’t appear to need human interaction as much, we navigate emotional situations well outwardly and get along pretty much with anybody. The price tag of those positives is high internal emotional costs. We pay every part of that cost ourselves for the benefits others enjoy. No human is strong enough to take that all the time and so the trade-offs are: 1) We disappear for a while, 2) it gets to a point of overload, so we develop coping mechanisms (aka for me The Grey) or 3) Eventually we explode and do something tremendously stupid or risky. It’s a ticking time bomb that needs to have minutes added to the clock by #1 and 2 or #3 is inevitable.
On top of it all, today (October 5th, 2019) is the 25th anniversary of my father’s death. Yeah, that always is a grey shower no matter what I do. I still miss him.
But I keep walking. Ravens on my shoulder and wolves at my feet. My coat and cloak pulled tight against the storm. No rest for the weary or the wicked. The showers will eventually end and I will be that much stronger for walking through them.
Still Walking,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
It has been a while since I have discussed music and its relationship to my life. I guess I would describe music as my meaning between words. I don’t actually perform music but have an uncanny ability to be listening to something and feeling what the artist is feeling very strongly. This also has to lead to sometimes shutting a song off and moving on because it is not what I actually feel, because it doesn’t resonate. When it does, then it becomes my meaning between words.
I guess the best way to show how important this is to tell you how you get to know the real me.
Firstly don’t expect me to jump up and down if you meet me. My trust level is pretty low of new people because of many painful experiences so I will speak in two languages to you at first – English and profanity (light). Over time you might graduate to harder profanity (fuck as a root word) and sarcasm. If this offends you were are done; if not then, this means I like you. It doesn’t mean we are friends, just I like you. If I add my fourth language – real shit, then you have become a 1st level friend. That’s it, don’t expect a huge fanfare about it.
If you want more than that, it is on you. Sorry, introverts have friends because someone came along and adopted them as friends. I am INFJ so understand my idealism about friendship is higher than the value I place on my relationship with my family. You want to know me better, it’s on you. I have to see you value friendship with me enough to make some sort of effort to reach out. Otherwise, as an introvert, I am happy to move along with my own company. I get along great with myself. This is the point where understanding me and friendship diverge. They become two different things. Friendship with me after this takes time and demonstration in action, not words. Getting to know me is actually easier and the more you do, the more it speeds up the friendship process.
To understand me completely as in my thoughts and feelings, don’t start with conversations with me, I am guarded as fuck in conversations and evasive as to my feelings and thoughts in that context. It takes a long time for me to open up to someone in conversation. First impressions of me are often off by quite a bit because I would just as soon move on from your presence as talk to you. If you meet me don’t think you know me. Observation and conversation will get you about 15-20 percent of the real me and only the parts I allow people to see.
Read what I write. INFJs pick an artistic outlet to express real thoughts and feelings and mine is writing. This blog is right now my main expression of thoughts and feelings and a person who reads this blog will get another 40-60% of me depending on whether or not you also know me where I live. I am pretty transparent here on The Grey Wayfarer so minimum if you live somewhere else in the world you would know about 40% of the real me by reading it. If you know me personally and read this blog you are going to get about 60-65% of me. The real me.
Ask what music I am listening to. This will give you an additional 10-15% because no matter what you learn from observing me and reading my writing, this fills a lot of the gaps. There are thoughts and feelings I cannot put into words but if you listen to the music I am listening to, you will get a little more of me. that will put you at 70-80% if you know me, read what I write and listen to the music I am listening to as well. At that point, you are on the fast track to becoming a member of my very small inner circle.
Getting to know the rest of me involves getting in that inner circle and that is where the friendship, and getting to know me, come back together. Inner circle people get to actually will hear more of the real me in conversations. That’s how you know you have arrived when how I talk to you starts to sounds more like this blog. At some point, you will be at about 90%.
The other ten percent requires a level of intimacy that few achieve. You have either known me for a very long time, are or were my lover at some level, or you are me. My personality is such that even with people I have considered friends all my life and even my wife I keep a few cards close to the vest. Very few get to see them. I would say only one person has gotten close to 100% and she is no longer part of my life except as a ghost.
People ask what about my wife at this point? My wife is a good woman and loves me very much. I love her but the struggle in our relationship is that she knows me pretty much by watching me, being my friend for a long period of time and being my lover. She is not a reader and our discussions of music involve musical taste not what we are listening to and why. This means two of the biggest avenues she could get to know me with better she does not utilize. My personality is such that because of this I get guarded even with her because of this. Note I am saying is mostly on me there, not her.
You would think after 30 years of marriage, I would be having open conversations with her about everything. Especially since we actually have on top of the length of the relationship, being lovers. But my INFJ guard is up with everyone including her and that is just how I am. Getting to know me requires effort, reading my writing and listening to my music. Otherwise, you could probably get to 80% otherwise at most, which is where sometimes I feel my relationship with my wife is most of the time. Recent events in the last couple of years still haunt my thoughts about our relationship making me still guarded. I may have had an affair, but that was symptomatic of many issues that existed in our marriage before that and we are still working through them.
So you can see where music fits as not the most important thing in my life but as something that is important and helpful in understanding me. Ity makes the difference between having a good understanding of me and a great one.
Playlist:
Wardruna and Aurora – ‘Helvegen’:
Disturbed – ‘Stricken’:
Five Finger Death Punch – ‘Wash It All Away’:
Three songs that resonate with me right now. Well, the first is representative of pagan music that I listen to and there are a lot of different groups and songs there. This is just the latest example.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Well, looking back the last time I wrote about music I was bemoaning a wedding that never took place and the music it might have contained. Since then there have been a couple weeks of other things besides MUsic to talk about so it is probably about time that I got back to it. Music, of course, has a tendency to reflect my feelings. As I have said many times before if want to fill the gaps between my spoken and written words to know the real me, listen to the music I am listening to as it speaks the unspoken.
In my efforts to make the Pagan Pulpit which appears every Sol’s Day, I started adding a pagan song as the theme song and in the process have discovered a genre of music that I am coming to enjoy listening to from time to time. There is something that reaches into my spirit and soul with this stuff and taps something long lost to me. Something buried and presumed dead, that this music is reviving inside me.
This music has a quality that is haunting with an air of sadness, no matter how upbeat it might be. There is a sadness of loss but at the same time a desire to return to the old ways. To return to the ways of our ancestors out of respect to them. I know I will probably do another playlist as I discover more groups. For now, what follows is some of the ones I find myself listening to more often and a bonus track to illustrate a point.
Playlist: (with explanation)
SKALD – Rún:
Basically when you look at the translation of the lyrics on it is about magic and practitioners thereof of old. It is about awakening the magic that once was. I really like the way this is laid out and played by SKALD.
It is not often that the person who wrote the song and the music performs it and records it. Better yet in the main video below, he explains it. The guy has a good set of pipes and that sadness of death and renewal comes out of his voice.
Translation Video:
Live Performance:
Eivør Pálsdóttir: Tròdlabùndin (Trøllabundin):
I don’t care who you are if you don’t think this shows a talented female singer, you are out of your damn mind. The song is about being spellbound.
Powerful war song, but you can still hear that deep spiritual sadness.
Bonus Tracks:
Ly O Lay Ale Loya (Circle Dance) ~ Native Song
I include a Native American track for a lot of reasons, but mostly to ask the questions of why all pagan music these days has that element of sadness and haunting to it. Perhaps it is because so many pagans have felt the sting of conquest. Of people just trying to defend their spiritual way of life against the rising tide of religions who sought to ‘convert’ them and subjugate them. That sadness can’t help but come out in their music.
FAUN – Walpurgisnacht
Just for fairness though, this is a pretty upbeat pagan song, but it focuses on a holiday – Beltaine to be exact. It’s hard to be down on a holiday that celebrates the return of spring and has lots of wild activities.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
The Grey Wayfarer 