Happy Tyr’s Day!
If you also subscribe to my Youtube Channel Simple Life Philosophy, you already know that in therapy I discovered that I could be on the autistic spectrum. This has been a very revealing explanation of my past problems and struggles with what we know around here as The Grey. Depression. Depression is a symptom of a more significant issue with my nervous system, which may be wired differently than most. While haven’t had any official testing, the signs are all there and the ‘unofficial” tests say I have a high possibility of being on the autistic spectrum.
I have developed many mechanisms for dealing with this problem over the years and writing on a blog has been one of them. Some of my others include weightlifting, Reading, Hiking, Playing Games (this one is the one that is least productive and time-consuming 🙂 ), Writing in General, and most recently I am exploring gardening as a hopefully more productive way to deal with the nervous system stress as well as providing more of a tangible benefit.
For this blog and any blog I have had the danger is when I am stressed, I tend to write my feeling in their most raw form. This is why I moved away from writing personal posts here and simply went creative for a while. This has its limitations but it keeps me from posting things that are harmful to my family and friends feelings.
I have loved the latest round of fantasy fiction have been writing and the well hasn’t really dried up, but my motivation has been because I don’t have posts that express my true feelings right now here, so this blog writing thing isn’t really helping with my emotional expression issues, so I just don’t bother.
I am afraid right now to write expressing my emotions because I feel they would be much too raw. Too hard for others to deal with. So I mask and I don’t bother to blog at all. That’s right folks, not writing is a method of masking for me.
The Grey Wayfarer will always exist. It is too relatable a title to my own personal journey of life for me to ever discard it. That said, writing on this blog can be a joy or a chore. There is no in-between. Until I get a handle on the level of stress my autistic nervous system can take, it might always be this way. I just want you my faithful readers to know what is going on and that my posts are going to be sporadic until I get ahold of this issue better.
On a positive note, I have really taken off in writing off-screen with the design of making money. My novel has an outline and parts of it fleshed out and I am germinating a non-fiction book on my journey from faith to atheism. but even these two projects have their dry spells.
In short, if I am not around, just assume I am dealing with my new revelation of adult autism and learning about myself in ways I can live more effectively with it. I love all of you, readers, for sticking with me over the years. Thank you and as always…
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.