Happy Sol’s Day!!!
It was inevitable at some point that The Grey would make an appearance. This is what makes anyone who fights depression, win or lose, a little braver than most in my opinion. In my case the triggers are things like 1) returning to an old job and finding it feeling worse than it was before. 2) A nagging feeling of being a failure in teaching, even though I left for some very good reasons. 3) After visiting the apartment I had in mind, I now have some misgivings.
The misgivings about the apartment are the fact I will be dealing with some very religious folks who are the caretaker as they are a pastor and his wife. They were also people I knew by reputation when I was a pastor. The worst kind of fundamentalists in my opinion. Nice people but the world is one way to them to the point they can’t see other possibilities. The apartment is also bigger than I wanted. It could be a two bedroom with how big the living area is and with two big bay windows to cover heating is going to be murder. . If I have to pay the utilities for this, the expenses are going to be larger than I want. The real problem though is finding a place to live in this market. So I think this is the first feeling of a setback I have had since coming home to Michigan. That said, I might still take it because a lot of other plans depend on having my own space. It’s the weighing of options that is depressing me because I could live in a tent for a lot cheaper but it is too cold for that in Michigan right now.
Combine this with moving back to the third shift and the problems of switching to that sleep pattern and I am having some depression – yep. I am tired a lot more than I expected. I don’t need a lot of sleep but its shifting patterns mean sleep comes in short three-hour bursts at times. Not good.
So need to find new solutions and that means pulling my coat around myself a little tighter and pushing through and finding a way.
To-Do List 1-28-23:
- Visit to see my possible new apartment. – I have my misgivings if this is going to be a good solution.
- Generate novel ideas – brainstorm – only one novel idea comes to the surface and it involves a modern fantasy. It also involves being very adult. It also involves expressing feelings long buried, but I think it is time.
- List for YouTube Channel construction. – I have my list now it is time to execute. I have set my start date back because of my job to next weekend Feb 4th. Need to write an opening video outline at some point. I also need to find where I am going to record. The apartment thing had been my answer to this, but now I need something different.
To-Do List: 1-29-23:
- Go back to bed at 8am ( I am writing this at 5am) – this is the final effort to get some sleep at the right time.
- I need to write a workout plan for a five-day rotation. I really hope it gets warmer by March – I need to start walking again.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.