Happy Mani’s Day!
It has been a long time since I put digital ink to digital paper and the most challenging thing is that WordPress has changed its format so I had to learn some new shit before I could even post. I really hate that. It’s not terrible but it is annnoying.
There are of course many more things that are annoying right now, not the least of which is my own depression. I has been a really difficult several months here and to be honest it has not been good for me in a lot of ways. A good chiunk of it has been due to not writing on this blog. So here I am trying to crawl my way out of The Grey.
Why the The Grey? Because this blog kept me focused on what was important to me. In the last couple months, I haven’t even focused on much about virtue or my goals and it shows. Survival Mode sucks. This blog not only recorded my life’s jouney, but now I see it also was about planning that journey and keeping me moving along the path. All that stopped when I stopped and now I am trying to recover it.
So here I am in the middle of the night writing because the feelings of helplessness and lack of direction are overwhelming. I hate this and part of it is the old feelings of giving up what makes me happy in order for everyone else to be happy have returned with a vengence. This summer was far less painful in terms of heartbreak from a couple years ago (Less but still there), but more so in that what I feel I am missing is still missing.
So Part One of walking out of The Grey is to start writing again. I need also to change this blog in some major ways so it takes up little time. If I can’t get a post out in less than an hour then it is too long. Particlularly journal posts. I will be redesigning the posts to be split into smaller chunks.
It was funny. In March, I was in the best shape I have been mentally and physically in a long time. Then something triggered and I have been fighting uphill ever since. But I certianly didn’t help things by stopping my routines or writing on this blog.
The great mistake people make is that when they see my stopping this blog they sign relief because they don’t have to deal with my emotions and think that I am alright. It might be good for a lot of people, but it sucks for me and I am not alright.
But, I am going to have a comeback or die trying at this point. It starts here with blowing the dust off the virtues. Digging deep in myself and pulling my hat down over my head and my collar around my face and walking the storm known simply as The Grey. It starts now.
It is time to return. It is time to comeback.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.