Happy Mani’s Day!
Yes, I know this is another week without a proper “Of Wolves and Ravens” post. Yes, I also know this is two weeks in a row of “The Grey and The Wayfarer” after like a month and a half of nothing before that. Just imagine me like Odin sitting on my throne and brooding at the things that trigger my depression and realize that there are about three things right now that are doing it. My Ravens are tired of cawing in my ears and my wolves are hungry for relief which makes them irritable and aggressive, and that leads me to a situation where despite good things happening and bad things happening, I don’t give a shit either way. That my friends is what ‘The Grey’ is in a nutshell and what it does to my life.
A lot of good things have been happening:
- I got promoted at work and that translates into more responsibility, more hours and a pay raise which translates into more money.
- I am expecting my fifth grandchild and my second grandson and the first grandson with the Raby last name. Lucas Edward Raby will add another fine strong name to the family tree.
- Speaking of family trees, mine on ancestory.com is growing and I am getting it more and more fleshed out. My roots are a tangled mess at times but I can’t say they are not strong ones.
- I have made a more final decision about my career long term and I think it is a solid and good one.
- My wife’s best friend was involved in a car accident that nearly killed her and has left her in a very critical state. So much so this weekend my wife headed own to see her in the hospital. I didn’t have to work this weekend except for one day, but it meant I was home alone for a couple days with nothing really to do.
- Right now social media is risky, I keep seeing Miss Salty’s name not only in reactions to memories Facebook gives me, but also she is in the comments a lot. This, of course, gets me to thinking about her a lot more.
- The weather has turned grey with snow and cold. I am so over it. Ice in my veins and all, my joints don’t take the cold as well as they used to and the lack of sunshine depresses me.
- The temptation level to alleviate the stress of all this has not overwhelmed me but it has caused me to shell up. I have to shut down my emotions right now a lot or my empathy and desires will get the best of me. My wolves don’t like this. My ravens see it as a necessary evil.
- I miss having a person in my life who understands this as part fo who I am and my way of thinking/feeling and who could get through it and make me feel human again. I had that a couple years ago with Miss Salty and that thought bothers me too. What was it about that trainwreck of a relationship that made The Grey seem so weak and distant?
Whatever it was, it is gone now. I am left like a brooding god sitting on his throne wishing he didn’t have the gift of foresight and could enjoy the good things that are happening more and could empathize about the bad. I just can’t do either. It hurts too much either way so I walk The Grey instead. I can only hope this storm passes soon.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.