“High Priestess” – The Adventure Chronicles of Brightblade – Part 3 (A Dungeons and Dragons Solo Roleplay)

Happy Mani’s Day!

Lief and Elana made it back to the temple without incident and delivered their sad news of Fredica’s death. The High Priestess of the temple was called and she interviewed Elana privately at length. Lief waited patiently for the results and then Elana reappeared outside the private chambers of the high priestess seemingly much calmer. She saw Lief and approached him.

“Thanks once again for coming to my rescue even though you had nothing to gain. The high priestess has told me to get some rest today and I resume my duties tomorrow as a full acolyte. The high priestess asked to speak with you”

“Uhh. Thank you. Do you always talk so rapid-fire?”

“Sorry, I get nervous sometimes with all the importance. My background is not one of high standing, very low in fact. I get nervous around people who are higher born than I.”

“It’s alright, I am just a cobbler in the militia. I went to that cave seeking a fortune, but I now sense the guiding hand of Sensua in it.”

“No doubt, I just wish Fredica would have come home alive.”

“You alright?”

“Yes, I will probably be better after the funeral. Right now I am more in disbelief.”

“It will be OK, with time. If I can, I will find a way to make Barthon pay for what he did.”

“I hope so, he has caused the pain and death of so many.”

She touched his face and kissed his cheek and walked away.

Lief approached the door of the chambers of the High Priestess. He knocked. A deeper female voice came for him to enter. Inside was the High Priestess of the City of Brightblade’s Temple of Sensua. She was sitting at her desk in her white robes trimmed with gold. She was a tall woman with a striking figure that was little concealed by the robes of her office. She looked very much like Fredica with blonde hair and blue eyes. She stood to greet him.

“Hail, brave warrior. Lief Crispen is in not. I am the High Priestess of the Temple of Sensua in Brightblade. In this chamber, however, I am only Erica Gemsmith.”

“Gemsmith? Like the Gemsmiths from the north side of town?”

“The same, I am the second girl of my parents and the fourth child overall. I chose the temple ten years ago seeing my parents already have an heir to their gemstone empire.”

“High Priest…I mean Erica. My condolences on the loss of one of your own people. I only wish I could have done more. It puzzles me that Sensua spared me and not Fredica.”

“Your mother is the answer to that. She had completed the ritual for your protection. Sensua cannot act without a closed circle of the ritual, at least not without great cost to herself. Or at least actions that embody faith in her strength. Fredica for all her bravery was rash in going to find her friend by herself. Had she come to the leaders of the temple we would have sent her out with help and made sure she completed a ritual to protect Herself before she left.”

“I see. So Sensua has limits to her power?”

“More like conditions. Worship of all the gods requires a transaction of faith of sorts. Fredica in her love for Elana forgot that. She acted on her own and paid for it with her life. Gods also favor those who are devoted to them, Sensua is no exception.”

“In any case, I want to donate the gems I found in the cave to the temple in memorial of her. She deserves that much I think for bravely trying to rescue her friend, brash though it may have been.”

Lief handed over the gems to Erica and she smiled.

“Thank you, hmm. a moonstone, a bloodstone, and an amethyst. Small gems but worth a bit to the temple. This is a noble gift indeed. Thank you.”

She turned and placed the gems on her desk.

“I do wish to speak to you about something else. I need an adventurer for a task and I think you would fit what we need given your experience.”

“What’s the job?”

“I need you to return to the cave you found and explore it further. There is something from the temple that I believe Barthon stole. If it is not there, perhaps you will find some sort of clue as to where Barthon might be hiding and find it there.”

“I would like to get another crack at that wizard. He has hurt quite a few people, particularly women. But given the transactional nature of this, if you forgive my asking, what is the payment to me.”

“I have heard from my informants that the Crispen Family is looking to become a noble house. That requires land and title. Given you are the heir to the family, I offer my favor in gaining those things. I also offer you back these gems you gave as well as an opportunity to avenge Fredica. I also will offer one last thing, but I want to hear your answer first.”

“I accept your terms but do ask one thing.”

“Yes, what is it?”

“Fredica came in handy before she died healing my wound. I would like, if possible, one acolyte to accompany me for both support and healing.”

“Done. I will speak to Elana about accompanying you. It would be fitting for her to aid the one avenging her former lover.”

Lief nodded, “so what is your last boon now that I have accepted.”

“Land and title require more than a favor of one of the high priestesses of the gods. It requires actions that lead the nobility to think you belong with them. I offer you this. Become a paladin of Sensua’s vengeance. Strike down those who have harmed her worshippers and earn their favor as well. I offer to bring you into the paladins myself.”

“That’s is a good opportunity, but has a cost to me as well.”

“Your instincts do you well. Yes, the cost is renouncing your previous ties. The guild and the militia would have to be left behind. Although your friends in them would certainly remain. Sensua’s paladins are totally devoted to her.”

“You speak of vengeance and an oath of vengeance. Why this oath?”

“Because for too long I have watched this Barthon and some like him get away with their crimes. They take lives, destroy love, and end lines of fertility. These things Sensua despises. Her worshippers cry out for justice. I want you to be one of those bringers of justice.”

“Let me speak to my mother about this. The decision would affect my family so it needs to be a family decision.”

“Very well, that is proper. Speak to your mother. Fredica’s funeral is tomorrow. I trust you will attend. You can give me your answer then.”

Leif nodded.

“See you tomorrow then.”

Leif went home to the shop and found himself at the same table he had made his decision to follow the map. He had piled the coins he had found on the table. His mother told him she would take half and secure a promotion in the cobbler’s guild for herself. This would allow her to better use the guild’s resources should the family require them. The other half Lief could use to find better equipment for himself.

Once Lief laid out what the high priestess had offered to him. Anna looked solemn. She then explained that after doing the ritual for his protection Sensua had appeared to her in a vision. She had told her to encourage him to follow the temple’s wishes. She reminded him that with her rank increase, the guild’s resources would still be his through her. As for the militia, she doubted that they would object to him becoming a paladin. The opportunity presented to advance was just too good to pass up. Lief in the end realized this was the best course for him.

The next day was Fredica’s funeral. Her naked body was on display on the altar. Underneath the altar was wood and oil that would burn for her cremation. Her nakedness was symbolic to all and every follower of Sensua knows the saying about coming into the world naked and leaving it the same way. In death, Fredica was still beautiful. The magic darts had left no mark and so her body was still flawless. The High Priestess herself conducted the funeral giving hommage to Sensua to take their departed sister into her arms. When the funeral pyre was lit the words were simple – “Accept our sister in flame. Flame that represents life, flame that represents the passion of love, and flame that brings new life. She is gone from us but may Sensua hold her in her loving arms.”

The fire burned for some time. It is a moving thing to watch a person be consumed by the flame until their ashes are mixed with those of the wood and oil below. Fredica was gone.

Elana stood on Lief’s right and his mother Anna was on his left. Both were crying although Elana was the tears of grief of a lost love. She was practically sobbing. Lief remained strong for both of them, but he too was moved. He was angry that such a beautiful person had been cut down so young and the one who did it was still alive and probably doing vile things again. Barthon would pay for this funeral on his own. Lief was surprised at his anger, but he then realized it would fuel what was coming next.

The funeral eventually ended and the few in attendance began to move away. The High priestess left for her chambers and as prearranged Lief followed her. She ushered him in and then closed the door behind them and locked it. Looking at Lief’s puzzled expression.

“I don’t wish to be disturbed while we conduct this business. It’s too important.”

“I see.’

“So, you have spoken with your mother. Have you reached a final decision about the opportunity to become a paladin?”

“Yes, we accept your offer. I will be Sensua’s hand of justice.”

The High Priestess looked very happy. Her smile beamed at him.

“Good, then there are a few things to do. The Oath Ceremony is a public thing and only when I feel you are truly ready. You need to finish this business with the cave and recover the item. That is the quest for you to prove yourself worthy to me. But you also must be blessed as a Squire of Sensua. That is not public but is important to close the circle for you to tap into Sensua’s power. I cannot speak about how this will manifest with you personally, Every paladin is different.”

“Close the circle? So I need to perform the ritual?”

“Yes, but you don’t have to leave to do that. I prefer to bless all the squires I commission personally. Are you ready?”

“Yes, I am ready.”

“Draw your sword and kneel”

Lief drew his blade. For the funeral it was the only weapon or armor he wore preferring his better-made clothes for such occasions. He knelt.

“Hold the sword out with both hands.”

Holding it sideways with his one hand on the hilt and the other on the tip of the blade; as he had seen knights receiving a commission, Leif presented his blade. The High Priestess touched the blade.

“Sensua, bless this squire. May his quest prove he is worthy of your lordship and may his conduct please you at all times. Protect him and guide him. May he always know your life and love. Arise, Squire Lief Crispen, paladin of Sensua.”

Lief stood and sheathed his sword.

“Now, let us close the circle and complete the ritual.”

The High Priestess released the shoulder clasps that held her robe and the white and gold robe cascaded to the floor around her feet and she stepped out. Lief caught his breath as the implication of “I like to bless all the squires I commission personally” hit him. Her naked body was beautiful and athletic. Her breasts were small but perfect. She approached him and put her arms around his neck and kissed him. His hand instinctively fell to her waist and pulled her close.

Sometime later he found himself with his naked body entangled with hers. She was cuddled close to him and sighed a pleased sigh.

“Lief, be careful. I don’t want this to be the last time I bless you. Although you seem to have blessed me in return. You are very good at this for someone so young.”

“Mother insisted I learn from the clerics in the house of love how to properly please a woman in bed. I want to make mom happy, so I tried to be a good student.”

Lief grinned, and she grinned back.

“You instructors did well. Are they still here?”

“Yes, one is at least. Adept Rosa, the dwarven woman.”

“She taught you? That must have been interesting.”

“I suppose, there were other assorted Acolytes but she was my main instructor. Lovemaking to her was both a skill to learn and a passion to develop. I learned from her that the package doesn’t so much matter as the desire to love and be loved. Besides, she has nice curves. Shorter and thicker curves but they are nice just the same.”

“That she does. Hmm. You’re going to make a great paladin, Lief. Just don’t get yourself killed before your Oath.”

“Yes, High Priestess. I shall do my best to not let that happen. Sensua willing”

Lief and the High Priestess spent the night together, made love again, and he left early that morning and headed home. He was coming back later to prepare to journey to the cave again.

Writers Notes:

In Dungeons and Dragons, downtime is a simulated time where the results or consequences of the last adventure are engaged or dealt with. There is also the opportunity to grow and develop, invest, build, learn, etc. Lief had the opportunity to decide what to do with the treasure he gained and make a few connections.

NPCs or Non-Player Characters are essential to a good story. They are the player’s family, connections, business associates, friends, etc. Lief has a few, but his moving from being a normal cobbler to an adventuring paladin is going to change all that. Not so much that he loses these relationships. but that they change in nature. Lief may be leaving the Brightblade MIlitia but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t ask them to aid him in a pinch. There is also the tactic of maintaining a connection through family with Anna becoming the lead for the business and guild.

I rolled a temple patron and my second character rolled as a cleric so the connection was obvious as to how to connect these two ideas. Lief catches the eye of the High Priestess (perhaps for more than one reason) and she begins to test him as to his readiness to become a paladin but also starts giving him missions to help the temple as well.

In my case, Sensua herself is also an NPC. She acts in the world within her requirements and parameters. She has taken an interest in our heroes and seems to be ready to help them.

The next adventure will be used in part the second solo adventure in the 1983 Basic Set, but with an additional character and thus adjustments to the strength levels of the monsters. There are also the conversion issues when dealing with 1st edition basic rules and 5th edition, but it’s not too bad as D&D has not changed that much in its basic form.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.


Valentine’s Day – Mixed Feelings

Happy Tyr’s Day!

Now that I am divorced and single, Valentine’s Day gives me a lot of mixed feelings.

Of course, I wish I could celebrate the love I have for someone on this day, but that isn’t going to happen so being the follower of Stoic philosophy that I am I am focusing on the positive.

  1. I don’t have to spend money on gifts and that means saving for me.
  2. I can focus on the possibilities of who I might get to be my new life partner.
  3. I also can smile at how feminine this holiday is.

Going to be blunt this is about romance and so is more of a female holiday. I have long been a supporter of a more masculine holiday in March My favorite is using March 14th as Beer, Steak, and a Blowjob Day. This lines up with more masculine wants. Valentine’s Day is not going to get you beer, or a steak spending your own money and while sexy time might happen on Valentine’s but it’s going to be romantic sex which is OK but sometimes as a man you just want the girl to do the work to show you how much she loves you.

Not to mention this is a Christian holiday, named after a Christian ‘saint’. Freya doesn’t mess too much around with Romance. She once was accused of fucking every god in Asgard. She never denied this, but she did say Loki had bad manners for accusing her in front of everyone. The fact she was sexually active with more than one partner was not considered a shame in that she did it. I tend to take this view about sex as well. It’s just that society frowns on this attitude, and I just don’t want the hassle.

Maybe that is why when I look at holidays that are supposedly secular and know the religious origins, I just have trouble getting into the ones based on Christian holidays. Most of the rest are pagan holidays that Christianity stole so you can convert them back.

Maybe next Valentine’s I will be with someone special and my feeling will be more on par with normal. But today, I am just mixed about the whole thing,

Goals for Today:

  1. Settling up my shelves when they arrive – hopefully. This is two shelves and represents a lot of time so it is my only goal for today

Yesterday’s goals were both achieved. Hoping to start therapy soon and waiting on on landlord.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.


Am I Being Flirted With?

Happy Sif’s Day!

I am really dense when it comes to flirting at times. I mean, I know when I am flirting with a woman, but I am never quite sure about them. I really need a woman who flirts overtly like in a lot of the old pin-ups. I mean the girl above probably ‘accidentally’ spilled ketchup on her dress with the ‘accidental’ effect of her lifting her skirt so the guy with her can now see her hose, garters, and panties, but back then I don’t think so. This was overt flirting with sex as the end goal. No woman back then who was even remotely concerned about her reputation would have done this without forethought. I mean she could keep her skirt down and ask for a napkin. Nope, this is ‘hey, we might need to rent a hotel room so I can change into something else seeing I have ruined my dress. As a gentleman, I hope you get what I mean and have a condom.” Wink.

For me, women seem more subtle than this in some ways and less in others. Women today are far more likely to talk sexy and be less overt in actions. At least it seems that way to me. I feel a lot of women are very comfortable with this because the reputation of sexual activity is not as big as it used to be. Joan Jett changed a lot in the 80s I would say. That said body language is still there. It’s just harder for me to read. I really wish women wore skirts and dresses more. Seems like women could do more flirty stuff with that, although jeans are nice as far as the view but every woman wears them so it’s not flirting per se.

I don’t know. I have had women seem like they are flirting with me, Being overly nice to me, and genuinely concerned. I have even had a couple position themselves in such a way that I can’t help but look at either their butt or cleavage. But is that woman not giving a shit anymore or is it flirting? Modern Dating is confusing. I wouldn’t have a problem if it wasn’t for the fact that I feel with the right female partner I would be a better person. If I am in love, I tend to push myself far harder than otherwise. I want to impress my girl even with my failures and at least my effort. I do OK alone, but in love, I tend to be even better. Women I am in love with are magic to me. Especially the ones that show me their boob magic. 🙂 If you didn’t chuckle at that, you are not the one. I tend to have a dirty mind most of the time and like a woman who can go there with me.

I have made my requirement pretty clear in past posts – 1) Loyal to me – when the shit hits the fan especially. 2) Her presence brings me peace and 3) Desire for intimacy on all levels – mental, emotional, and physical. Other than that I am pretty open. Body type just needs to be curvy in some way and can be from Fit to Hilda as long as they take care of themselves. Being comfortable in their bare skin is a definitely plus as well as being comfortable being feminine.

Maybe some of the women in the room can give me some pointers when a woman is flirting with me. I tend to like clear communication here to avoid some pitfalls. The kind of subtlety that the old pin-up girls seem to make so clear to the men they were flirting with. I get that old-school language, it’s the new school that throws me.

No Goals Today as one thing remains in front of everything else. – getting into my new apartment ad getting my routines and systems in place. Monday is when that begins. I hope.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.


The New Year: “Be It Resolved…”

Happy Sol’s Day!!!

Anyone who knows me also knows that I do not hold much to New Year’s Resolutions. I do however believe in a quarterly assessment of my goals and vision for myself. If the new year is valuable to me it is in the assessment of progress and a change of course that is planned. A course correction and seeing I am completely off course, time to chart from where I am at to where I would like to be next year. I think this year I will head in the direction of ‘be it resolved by the end of 2023, I will…” Then list the needed things to change.

1 – Be it resolved that by the end of 2023, my morning routine will be well established.” My routine every morning will help with a lot of my coping mechanisms. In fact, most of it is a list of my coping mechanisms in action. 1) Get Up Early and Make Bed, 2) Meditation on the Nine Noble Virtues (5 min), 3) Full Body Stretch, 4) Weight Lifting, 5) Good Breakfast, 6) Hygiene Routine, 7) Get Dressed, 8) Reading – 3 chapters, 9) Write – Rough Draft or Edit and Post for the Blog. Yes, I will be writing every other day from now on. The main focus here is me and keeping my depression from hitting me by keeping myself healthy and mentally focused.

2. Be it resolved that by the end of 2023, I will return to Michigan. I need to get back to a place where my depression bothers me less. It is closer to family and hiking, camping, etc. I love. Michigan people are my people. Houston just incites my depression. too much

3. Be it resolved that by the end of 2023, I will change careers from teaching to something less stressful and just as or more lucrative. I need to finish my contract, but after that, I am done. This means everything currently must be up to snuff as far as credentials, professional development, training, etc. Then on to what? I don’t know that yet. Kind of like returning to the land you left to find out what has changed that you can take advantage of. I guess part of the challenge will be the discovery.

4. Be it resolved that by the end of 2023, I will more actively pursue my new love – my shieldmaiden – if she will have me. I need to find her first. But something tells me the way to attract such a woman would be simply to be the best man I can be and see who is attracted to that. I think the only thing I am going to do here is, move to Michigan and then just be me. I do think I am going to be growing a full beard. Something like the gentleman below but my coloring will be different. Going to make myself into the healthiest, most masculine, and the sexiest old man I can be and see which female warrior is attracted to that. Time for this Odin avatar to find his Frigg.

5. Be it resolved that by the end of 2023, I will be at peace with myself in better ways. 1) I need to write beyond the blog., 2) I need to find that outlet I need to be a voice. The Rabyd Atheist was my pulpit for a couple years, but I stopped because I realized how dangerous it is to have social media career and be a teacher. I actually am taking a bit of risk even with this blog. This is probably one other good reason to change to something that does not have that risk. 3) Have paid off as much debt as possible by the end of the year. The move is going to take money, but I think most of the small bills will be gone by February, and then it is my car. If I move back to Michigan with nothing but student loans, I will be in good shape.

So there it is – my five – “Be it resolved”. Should be an interesting year.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.


Love – “Runes”

Happy Freya’s Day!

I know the combination of the Viking Runes and Love might be a little puzzling but it’s the whole mysterious thing that I am going for. The Viking Runes are without a doubt mysterious in a lot of ways and while there are a lot of theories as to what they mean, not a lot definitive is known.

This ignorance hasn’t stopped people from playing the game of trying to figure out the Runes or co-opting them for their own purposes or adding their own meaning to them. This means any discussion of the Runes becomes either very hypothetical, theoretical or just what runes mean to each person.

Doesn’t that sound a little like the concept of love? I think the mystery of anything, particularly something most of us consider a virtue or a necessity, causes us to engage in even more emotional attachment.

Love is one of those virtues that I pursue. To be seen as a loving person. To do this requires waking the trail of mystery. To walk without complete understanding or knowledge of what love is is par for the course. Changing loves applications and meanings. Give the correlations – just maybe the runes are all about love.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.


Relationships – “Look at the Long Haul”

Happy Freya’s Day!

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about what I am looking for in a woman in the Post: Looking for a Shieldmaiden. In that post, I said I was looking for three main qualities: Fidelity, Peace, and Intimacy.

The reason I was looking for these qualities is that these qualities are long-term. I have no desire to enter temporary relationships because my time is limited. No time to play around with games and such. More of a both of us placing what we have on the table and looking at a simple question – can we build something with this that will last?

THat’s why the qualities of Fidelity, Peace, and Intimacy. Fidelity, so we stay with it. Peace – Because prosperity is not built by conflict. Intimacy – the mortar that holds it together. Long-term building materials.

It takes work to maintain a good relationship but also takes good building materials and that is why I want a Shieldmaiden.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.


Sex – “What’s Your Body Count, Mr. Raby?”

Happy Freya’s Day!

I was teaching class one day and I had been given an assignment and was walking around making sure the students were working on it. Most of my students know I am divorced and thus single. The students were working and talking like students do and then one of my piped up and asked: “What’s your body count, Mr. Raby?” Several of the other students quickly remarked this was not a proper question to ask a teacher. I didn’t have to answer after that and I didn’t. It was quickly forgotten except by me.

I know what the question means as I have been single long enough to get the question through dating. For me, it is not a matter of pride or shame, but of faith. The number is one. My ex-wife was my only sex partner so far. Not that had I met up with the woman I had an affair with I might not have made it two at the time. The reason is simply that one does not fool around in Christianity, at least in theory.

In reality, I lost track of the affairs I knew about in my churches as a pastor. I also lost track of the people who were discovered fooling around. Just because people are religious doesn’t mean they don’t want to fuck or are attracted to others. It gets really hard for some as being LGBTQ sucks inside the church. But that was never me until the end and even then it never happened.

Back to me though, I have never thought the idea of casual sex was a smart one. Sex as an expression of friendship, companionship, love, and commitment are OK in my book, but the modern hookup culture doesn’t appeal to me. I guess sex in the context of a relationship is something I would do if I trust the person. I am just not into getting my rocks off and ghosting or being ghosted.

It’s why I left the online dating scene. Too much fronting and too much of it about getting laid instead of genuine relationships. I like sex, but I am not going to go through the cesspool of internet dating to get it. Until my shieldmaiden comes along, I am happy to just work on myself. Sex is something I long for as a man and my tastes are very masculine, but until the right partner comes along, I am happy with my body count of one.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.


“Ruins” – A Poem

Happy Main’s Day!

“Ruins” by Edward W . Raby, Sr.

There was once life here

Now all is ruin

Window pains broken

Doorways with no doors

No roof.

We build this house brick by brick

Love was the mortar

We had children, raised them

We gave our love to them

Taking the mortar and giving it to them

Then they left.

We discovered the mortar of our love

Was cracked and crumbling – nothing.

But we had no time to reset it.

We continued to live giving it away

The roof collapsed

The bricks fell apart

We walked away

And now all is ruins.

A sad testimony to what was

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.


Love: All My Exes Don’t Live in Texas

Happy Freya’s Day!

So I start this new routine and here we are talking about love, sex, and relationships the first thing. Let’s stick with just love for this one. For me, and probably the rest of the human race love is complicated. For me specifically, it’s complicated by the fact that my heart is a stupid fuck that can’t stop loving a woman once it starts and this has massive problems long term.

It took me literally several years debating with myself, therapy, and several gut-wrenching decisions moments to divorce my wife. It wasn’t that I didn’t love her, but I didn’t feel loved by her, nor did I feel she was a person who gave me peace. We weren’t yelling at each other or anything like that, but the relationship became tired and old and no matter how much I tried on my end to point this out, it was ignored by a lack of desire to change that from her. When you pour out your guts to a woman about what’s wrong emotionally with your relationship and it takes three months for her to get back to you on it that is not good. That’s a communication problem and we had a big one which is me and her and not just her. We had counseling, read books, and yet – divorce.

Here is the funny part. I have no problem loving her. If in the course of our lives, and I told her this when we parted; if she needs a shoulder to cry on, a hug, kiss, or a love-making session, I am still there for her as a friend. I know her Christianity will never allow her to accept this. She would have to set it aside. But for my part, I consider her a friend and wish her nothing but happiness. I also have the weakness of if she really needed me I would respond.

My first love is happily married to someone else. She has kids and another life, but my heart still has a place for her. I still on rare occasions run across her and it’s awkward for me at least. Some weakness, if she were to ask for my help, I am there. I still wish her nothing but happiness.

Miss Salty. She hurt me and may have done it on purpose. She can’t help it though as she has some mental issues that I should have known were trouble. But I was broken myself at the time and vulnerable, so perhaps it was just two broken people trying to find peace in each other. It worked for a short time. Until it didn’t. Same weakness if she came into my life. I hope she finds happiness.

Maybe this is why I moved to Texas. Less chance of any of them walking into my life at this point at the random. I might have subconsciously needed the space for all of them to reset my love life. I am a bachelor now and while that comes with its own form of loneliness, it also has some tremendous freedoms to it in regard to what relationships I can have and what I can do in them. But that is a subject for next week.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.


Music and The Wayfarer

Happy Mani’s Day!

If you know me you know that my musical taste is very eclectic. Mostly, I tend to listen to music that reflects my emotions. Some people, a very few, have been able to figure out that if you want to know what iI am going through emotionally in my head all you really have to do is listen to my playlist. If you are emotionally inclined you can read between the lines and find the connections between the songs I am listening to and what I am thinking and feeling.

I have always been impressed by people who can read me this way. Miss Salty was one of these and it was sometimes scary how accurate she was. My ex-wife was not. Often she would just pass judgment on what I was listening to. She had no desire to know me in this way. The point I am making here is that the woman who can read my music and thus read me has an advantage. It’s a weakness, maybe. Or it is just a safer way for me to express my emotions without verbalizing them. I guess I would rather look at it as an open door to understanding the man who is The Grey Wayfarer.

Because my emotions change, what I listen to changes with it. It is probably also why I look for new music all the time because I do run into emotions that have no expression and I look for something musical to express them. Sometimes I am successful and sometimes I am not. But the search can be some of the most rewarding I have done. Especially when something new turns out to be perfect.

It’s probably why I don’t hate on any genre, but there are some I just don’t resonate with. Probably because what they express just isn’t me or my emotions.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.