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Rogue Wizard: The Fire of Fury – Serial Introduction

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

I have longed to do another urban/modern fantasy series.  I love the thought of magic in the modern scientific world and what that could do to a story has always been a favorite concept.  I have done several things in this world backdrop and in my opinion some of my best writing is in this genre.

Using myself as the basis of a character is not new either, but I did go into that full-fledged in my last modern fantasy series – The Hedge Wizard of Redburg.  You can no longer read this, as I deleted the blog it was on and did not copy the content.  I wanted it lost forever other than memories of it still are in my head and perhaps the head of another. It was a labor of love and even though it was very good artistically, on personal level it needed to go.  It conjured up to many emotional conflicts in myself.

That said, it was good shit. Like high quality marijuana good shit. I mean it was some of the best writing have done to date and with a little polishing it could have been publishable.  Part of that was the love I put into it and I am trying to recover that but focus on the right person to love this time – my wife.  I want this to be a labor of love for her. The irony is she will not appear in it directly as that is another part of this experiment – learning to write out of love for my wife, while being able to write all kinds of things that don’t really involve her.  I am kind of taking a half way approach where I am in the story and not her.  Hopefully I can write later stuff without me or her in it and still be out of love for her.  I need her to be my muse and I think that this can be done by writing this series as a way to get that started.

How do I do this? Well, by doing a divergent time line for myself personally where she gets killed by the bad guys.  This provides my motivation to strike back – love for her causes me to become a rebel and strike against the wizard system of this world.  For this the Hedge Wizard becomes the backdrop canon for my background.  It will be mentioned infrequently and a couple of characters will make a reappearance.  Nothing emotionally challenging as all of them are fictional and not based on real people.  The Council, The Houses, the Faerie as well as all the rest will be there as they were.  I just want to save time there, but not bring up old wounds. So I am going to be pretty selective in how things take place and which characters get in this series and for what reason.  There will be a lot of new characters too.

The main character will be me. Well me in a different world, with a different timeline because of magic.  Names of people and places will be changed to protect the innocent and guilty and because this is really a true fantasy about a divergent timeline and the future, nothing is really based on real events.  It’s based on how I perceive I would react to being a wizard in the modern world and I had experienced a great tragedy.  What would I do if some one I love very much were to be taken away and the authorities could do nothing about it, but I had the power to do something about it?  It’s a moral question I will be asking throughout this series and the major theme.  That along with – How far would I be willing to go to get justice/vengeance? What happens as you grieve and work though it will be there too, and the struggle between a desire for justice and the guilt you feel for your own responsibility in the problem?

I want to emphasize this is an experiment and it might not work.  I hope if you read it; it is enjoyable to you.  My goal is to find that deep love for writing something because I have a deep love for someone.  I want that to start motivating all my writing. because for me it ups my game by 20 times or more.  It could also fail, so be advised this series could be short-lived or last for years.  I really don’t know.   There is also an element of writing for therapy in this and I can’t deny that if it works, then I might either slow down or speed up depending on the results.  This is one avenue that I have decided to use to get closure on some things so there is that emotional aspect.

Don’t worry, The Grey Wayfarer serial will also continue next week and I will make a point to write it every other week til the end of the year.  After graduation and finding a new job, I might write on it and this new one more often and I have other ideas.  For the first time in my life I am also seriously considering writing novels as a way to make money and so I will probably be working on my first one very soon after graduation.  I have thought of being a writer as a career and now it seems it’s a good time to test those waters as any.  I am hoping this experiment will lead to a high level of motivation and love for writing again. One that lasts.

So next week there will probably be a double dip of The Grey Wayfarer and Rogue: Wizard – The Fire of Fury. Then we will go from there.  Hope you enjoy it.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

 

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – The State of My Body

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal:

Well, with heart and mind finished it is time to turn to my body.  I must say when I look back at all the shit I went through this summer, I am glad I did focus on my body and health because it gave me a focus to work on through all that.  I still found a way to get to the gym regularly and I began to focus on nutrition.

I now hover slightly under 300 lbs.  I am six-foot four and I have lifted weights for a couple of decades, so I have a good deal of muscle mass, so I don’t think I will ever be able to drop below 250.  The lowest weight I achieved in the last ten to fifteen years is 285 and that was with a pretty extreme diet but it could have been tweaked because I still was eating a lot of carbs back then.  With my new diet, I am interested in seeing how low I can go now.

That said, my main measure of progress is not my weight.  It actually is standing naked in front of a mirror.  Yeah, that’s right because it’s the only way to give yourself and honest assessment and provide motivation.  You stand there until you can see clearly what the problems are and get mad enough to do something about them.  I still have three problems areas which are my inner thighs, my waistline and my pecs.  In the first and last of these there is a little fat still present but it’s surrounded by loose skin from the losses so far.  My waistline is definitely lighter but there is still room for progress.  Only time will tell if my skin will lay flat.

I as glad for the progress this summer but I am still making some now.  The real thing this summer was that my heart was wounded and my mind muddled but my body was doing good. It was getting stronger, leaner and feeling better.  It’s probably what kept me from completely losing it.

My diabetes was heading the right direction at my last checkup.  The real great unknown is that the only health coverage we could afford at the moment was something that covers if the shit hits the fan and not much else.  My doctor also has moved to clinic practice and I will have to find a new one anyway.  This is where I really need to find a new job and reassess things as far as health care, because I and my wife are at an age where things need constant monitoring at least a couple of times a year.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

There are two opposing views that work in my head all the time – The one in my head that says I can do better and the other one that says no one is perfect.  I believe in driving myself to be better, but acknowledging that Rome wasn’t built in a day, so it’s one step at a time thing.  So far I think that everything I can provide discipline for has it. I am constantly evaluating my development and how things are going.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

It could be said that I get up every time I fail.  That said, sometimes it can take a bit of time.  Time is not something I have a lot of these days.  It could be said that I am facing the crunch of the end of the semester and graduation looms, so as I also said on Monday watching my six a lot emotionally, so I don’t have a meltdown at the crucial time. Being able to take a hit and still be standing and moving forward is important right now and I need to be in that state of mind and heart.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

I get asked how thing are going between my wife and I from time to time. I can only say that we have our good days and bad but it’s more good than bad.  The observation I would make is that we are healing our marriage which both of us acknowledge was damaged by both of us which led to certain vulnerabilities.  It’s this process of learning to build again, to build loyalty between us and a wall around us that is our chief focus.

The situation kind of forces us to stick together. Thanks to the ministry, we are about 20 years behind all the rest of our friends of the same age as far as financial security.  Both of us have said it feels like we are back in Bible college times but we are older and wondering what time warp is this?  We either stand back to back or we are going to be in trouble, so that helps the fidelity question on our marriage.

The other areas of fidelity are solid and always have been at least on my side.  I actually have considered going through my friends list on Facebook and doing another purge.  There are just some people who are my ‘friends’ but I haven’t had any interaction with them for years. I keep my circle small.  I value loyalty as much as I try to give it.  I value it more than the number of friends I have.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

Seems solid other than when I have a class canceled or like this week my car breaks down and I had to skip a class, the walking needs and alternative.  Cleaning and Weightlifting will be finished Saturday so that is good.

Nutrition:

I have an intermediate goal that may find its way on to my goal list.  To be in the best shape possible for my 50th birthday which is in March. Nutrition is going to be a big part of that and I need to lock down my eating habits from now until then.  I have received more remarks this month than in a long time as to how much weight if have lost and how good I look.  A lot of that has to do with the Paleo Diet and intermittent fasting.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – My heart is a wreck still but I have made some progress in learning how to heal, the need to find closure has been identified and I feel that even though this section of the NNV is in some cases my weakest, it is getting better.

Business – Really this is just working things as I try to finish my school and get a better job.  It’s about working the early stages of the plan to set a foundation for prosperity.  My mind is coming into focus but it really still needs some work and I am trying to do that work better.

Self – This is the best area of my life right now.  I feel stronger, leaner and better physically than I have in years.  Discipline is returning to my life and I feel good about that.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Pagan Pulpit – Havamal 77 – Thoughts on Mortality

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sun’s Day

Announcements:

We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.

We also don’t take an offering here.  We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it.  Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it.  Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.

Probably and additional announcement is that the Pagan pulpit will be more and more taking on a more personal touch – mine.  I really am kind of combining a lot of things here from an old blog that I liked.  It will be my musings on things from music to poems and other things.  My thoughts will be front and center and they are about my weekly journey.  If by sharing these things with you, you are helped a little in your own journey than that is bonus and a joy to me.

Opening Song: Metallica – Creeping Death (Live Seattle 1989)

One of my favorite Metallica songs.  The final plague on the Egyptians turned into a metal song.  Awesome.

Poem:

“Awaiting the Valkyrie”

The war of life will someday claim my  soul.

May I live a life worthy of song.

Broken and wounded I may be,

But my heart longs to see the Valkyrie

To take me to a place of the honored dead.

Whose stories forever ring throughout the ages

The soul at last at peace

Celebrated and immortal.

– Ed Raby, Sr.  – October 30, 2018

This poem probably speaks to the occasional long that we all have for things to be over.  When my end comes, I would like to be remembered well.

Meditation:

People ask me all the time why I like stories.  Well because all stories resonate with my own.  It’s what makes our existence common; that we all are a story.

Song of Preparation:

This isn’t my favorite Three Door’s Song, but it definitely hits the heart of all of us in what we want and how we feel about those closest to us that have passed into the unknown.

Text: Havamal 77

“Your cattle shall die; your kindred shall die; you yourself shall
die; one thing I know which never dies: the judgment on each one dead.”

Sermon:

Coming off Halloween there is always that element where one thinks about death.  I mean we have skulls and bones everywhere.  The undead walk from zombies to vampires to mummies.  Our popular mythology is laced with characters that overcome and cheat death. In religion, the afterlife is a common thread.

When I was a Christian, the view I often had been that heaven or some afterlife was necessary to give life meaning and purpose.  Perhaps this is one truth that many religions hit on, as death seems to take away everything.  Ecclesiastes is a great book for pointing this out but the conclusion is a bit of logical leap as the only meaning to life it gives is to fear God and do what he tells you.  I don’t think that works for me anymore or for perhaps a lot of you.

The painful truth is that death might genuinely be the end of it all for each of us or that the afterlife is nothing like we expect. That’s the problem, it really is an unknown.

So how to find purpose and meaning to life with the reality of death ever before you?  There have been many theories and perhaps this is why we are incurably religious as a species.  We don’t like the thought that we will end.  We want to continue and so we hope that something is on the other side of death.  But in the end I think Marcus Aurelius hit it on the head. We should live a good life.  If God, the gods or whatever are just, they will look at the virtues you have lived by not how devoted you were.  If they are not just, then we should not want to serve them anyway.  If there isn’t any gods or afterlife; then well, we have the memories in the hearts of those we loved as our final thoughts.

Image result for marcus aurelius quoteOf course you are left to yourself as to which virtues make up your good life. For me the Nine Noble Virtues of Asatru form a good solid list and one that, regardless of who I meet and what religion they may or may not have, can be respected.  The Havamal reminds us that the one thing that does not die is the judgement of the dead. The best way then to face death is to live life and live it fully.

Parting Song: Zergananda – The Path to Valhalla

Epic and one view of many.  I personally think any view of the afterlife that involves courageously facing ones death is a good one.

Have a Great Week

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – The Self Virtues – Difficulties or Conditions

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal:

My wife and I had our counseling session and the one item that has been rolling in my head continues to be closure.  When I brought up some of the situations I felt I didn’t have closure on, he asked me if they were difficulties or conditions.  A difficulty is something that you can do something to fix.  Conditions are something that is basically you have to live with.  A difficulty might be a broken arm; a condition might be to have diabetes.  One you can over time fix and heal from. The other is something you will bear the pain and responsibility for maintaining for the rest of your life.

I never really answered what I thought to each of these situations would be to him.  It was more something I was left to think on and so I’m here writing this journal entry and wondering what the diagnoses for each of them might be.  I already live with a lot of conditions.  I really don’t want anymore of these psychological or social conditions than I already have.  I really do want to leave this all behind.  I want proper closure. I want these to be difficulties and not conditions, but I don’t see how that can be. At least not yet.

The other issue the gleaming generality that if I wait long enough time will heal it all.  Bullshit.  I still carry stuff from other situations and I can say this – time doesn’t heal everything. There are some wounds that leave you with a limp or a crooked jaw, or scars that never completely heal.  I wish people would stop saying that.  I suspect if people could see my soul, they would see scars, wounds and missing parts.  I have certainly had a lot of the blood of my soul spilled on the ground this past summer, so I might be a little spiritually anemic as well.  Time may make coping with all that easier, but it won’t make everything go away.  I suspect all the wounds I received in this last summer won’t ever heal completely.   Closure usually helps speed healing up, but I am not sure how to get it right now on several fronts.

I want the things I am facing to be difficulties that I can overcome in time, but I am having to face the hard reality they may be conditions I simply need to learn to live with.  Like my diabetes, I simply have to find a way to overcome most of the problems and symptoms and move along with my life despite the condition.  Or I need to find alternative methods of closure other than the ones that normally you would use.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Discipline at this point is not knowing what to do.  I know that.  What I need to do is consistently do things I know and so far that seems to be working.  I wish I could say perfectly but that is still the goal.  The Routines are really the heart of this; so over time, I can make better observations and adjustments.  Staying busy does help the healing process, so that’s good.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

As I look at this weeks Journal entries, I can see the desire here.  Keep getting up and keep going.  I want to move forward and take hits better. Our counselor this time said we were a good couple and he feels that this whole thing has made us stronger.  I wish I had his confidence, because I still feel vulnerable in certain regards.  I, however, am a stubborn man who refuses to quit and in this regard, it is a good thing.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

I was discussing friendship this week on a post of Facebook.  It wasn’t a long discussion but I had to note that fidelity in friendship is difficult to find.  My recent experience means that, with all but a very few people, I check my 6 a lot more even with people who call themselves my friends.  I have learned another painful lesson that betrayal’s greatest problem is it comes from your friends.  I am even more antsy at social gatherings because I feel like people are observing me to gossip later.  I am introverted to begin with and this just kills most of the desire to be social with all but my closest friends and family. And my closest friend list has gotten really short.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

So far everything is good here.  Basically when they are needed they get added to the daily routine and get done at some time during the day. I will probably know more when I have been at this a little longer.

Nutrition:

Mostly OK.  I mean the plan is basically intermittent fasting and Paleo Diet so it is more about when and what I eat. I have two challenges.  1) Finding a carb free alternative for bread that works for me and my budget.  2) Making sure I break my fast with a meal at noon time.  It’s not always possible, so may need to do some planning there.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – I feel my foundation is solid.  Probably a good thing.  I still work on things here as they are not perfect but I feel like these are the areas of least concern, other than honor.

Business – Making progress and in a month and a half school will be done except for an internship and I already have plans for that. November is going to be an interesting month and hopefully a productive one.

Self – I struggle here.  I just don’t want to lose myself and what I want to do.  To Balance that with marriage and family is sometimes a lot of work. Sometimes dealing with The Grey and wounds makes it hard to look into the mirror. Hopefully that will change soon.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – The Business Virtues – Dreaming Big

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Woden’s (Odin) Day

Journal:

I think the whole plan is starting to come together and this is now more about acting and adjustment than actual planning.  I am starting to dream big again and I like the assertive confidence it is creating in me.  It’s nice to feel a little more sense of honor and discipline coming back into my life.

I still struggle with the emotions of loss.  I had several relationships cut short by my own actions and the actions of others.  I am working on restoring my most important relationship with my wife but the others remain difficult.  People can say ‘come on over and we will talk and still be friends’ but I know the reality of that is either just being polite or it would truly be awkward and everyone knows it.  In one relationship, I am actually not sure what I would feel, but as I said Monday, I think there is still a closure problem with it, at least with me.

What seems to help the most is staying true to the Big Dreams I have on my bucket list and working toward them.  It’s baby steps at this point.  I hope in the future it will be larger steps. One day the dreams will be reality, so I work toward them. It is perhaps this process that will pull me out of this funk I seem to get into every once and a while.

Self-Reliance:

“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”

Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.

Blessed independence.  There are a few things unmet yet that are wants but needs are met and that is a good thing.  One ‘need’ might be health insurance at this point but in truth me and my wife will muddle through until we have opportunity to get some when we are making more money.  Hopefully that won’t take too long.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.

My current work is sometimes an enjoyable thing.  I like the feeling that I actually did something useful.  Been a while since I felt that way.  I do work to make my job efficient but now I have come to see doing so at home as far as cleaning and organizing things can have that quality too.  Even school work is starting to be enjoyable again.  I still have my struggles but the routines and focusing on the future seem to be helping.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.

I have big dreams of being prosperous, but part of that is the idea of being in a position to be hospitable and giving back.  My motivation is not hording wealth so much as prosperity I can share with others.  Right now If someone were truly in need I could help them by at least giving them a place on the floor in the living room and sharing a meal with them.

The dream is far larger than this.  I want to be able to help people more often.  Setting up a charity perhaps but more practically, I know the main thing people need is support and that often involves a serious look at yourself in an atmosphere of loving accountability.  My one regret in ministry in my last church is changing the prayer group from a spiritual self-evaluation session into just a bible study.

I really think support groups are far more needed where a person can be honest about what is going on in their life and get emotional and other support.  When that changed, I personally lost the ability to be accountable to myself and I think that left me vulnerable and it cost me.  I would like to restore that and give it to others who also need it like myself.

Daily Routine:

  1. Communication / Cuddle Time
  2. Blogging
  3. Reading – 1 hour per day.
  4. Study / Homework – 1 hour per day or until all necessary work is completed.
  5. Empty In Box
  6. Financial Transaction Input

Daily routines are a little harder.  Mostly time is a factor. I always have to juggle sleep with getting the routine done for the day.  Or I try to stick with the priority order but priorities do change depending on circumstances.  Some things on this list will take less time if I stay up on them as this problem will become less of a problem as I keep doing what I need to do each day.

Goals: 

  1. Strengthen Marriage
  2. Finish my Political Science Degree
  3. Advance Career
  4. Monitor and Control Finances
  5. Write for my Blog  – 1 post per day average.
  6. Exercise
  7. Follow a Solid Diet Plan
  8. Create and work a Bucket List.

Dreaming Big.  When I look at this list of goals the picture of taking steps to get to the dream of owning my own business and retiring to be the philosopher/writer in the woods doesn’t seem so unattainable.   As I check off items on all these lists, I think I will begin to see that more clearly. Right now its the early stages so its hard to see the big dream come to fruit but as the months go by and things get checked off this list, it will get clearer.

Budgeting: 

  1. Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
  2. Debt Snowball
  3. Fully funded Emergency fund
  4. Invest 15% of income into retirement
  5. Pay off Home Early
  6. Build Wealth and Give

Step 1 still in progress.  The issue is going to be any extra income needs to be saved into an emergency fund until we get $1000.  Once school is finished I need to find some ways to make more money: either a better job, second job or taking matters into my own hands.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Pagan Pulpit – Havamal 47 – Enjoying Humanity

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sun’s Day

Announcements:

We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.

We also don’t take an offering here.  We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it.  Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it.  Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.

Opening Song: Disturbed – Voices:

I have been listening to this one a lot this week.  It kind of goes along with the theme this week, so I will keep the commentary about it until the Sermon.

Poem:

“My Soul Has Eyes”

The Mirror to the Soul

So they are called.

I can’t see my own

unless I look in the mirror.

I wonder what part of my soul people see?

The part of my soul that is tired and depressed

The part of my soul that has regrets

The part of my soul that bleeds with wounds new and old

The part of my soul that is black and dark

or the part that shines in hope and love.

I wish I knew what people see in my eyes

What part of my soul is laid bare.

– Ed Raby, Sr.  – October 25, 2018

I must confess my writing of poetry is bitter sweet.  It enjoy it on the one hand because it allows me to express feelings in words that normal writing doesn’t do.  I need that from time to time.  On the other hand the memories of the person associated with me learning to write poems better and understand them better comes up every time I do it, and that just makes me sad.  I guess it’s something I just live with, because I can’t seem to stop writing them from time to time.  Sometimes its the only thing that works.

Meditation: 

Image may contain: text

I post a lot of memes and sayings on Facebook.  Just so everyone knows, the Meditation for the week usually comes from one of them I posted that past week.  It’s the one that meant the most to me.

Song of Preparation:Van Halen – Love Walks In:

The story associated with this song for me is that I was standing in a convenience store a little after my wife and I started reconciling.  This song came on and the guy behind the counter was singing it.  I joined in; which is not something I normally do.  The guy behind the counter stopped to listen to me and asked if the song meant something to me.  I told him until that moment, no.  But now it did.  Not only did it reflect at the time the new feelings of love I had for my wife but there was a very human moment there with that guy.  Humanity didn’t seem all that bad to me at that time.

Text: Havamal 47

Young was I once, I walked alone,
and bewildered seemed in the way;
then I found me another and rich I thought me,
for man is the joy of man.

Sermon:

It is really hard to be objective about the nature of humanity.  Most of us think humans as a rule are not the greatest thing to ever happen to us.  Some people I imagine love people, but there are a good chunk of us that have problems with humanity.  Some of us, like in the video of Disturbed’s song ‘Voices’, have our fantasies about getting back at the bullies, getting revenge on the girl who dumped us or tying up a difficult boss.  It truly is freaky shit that we think of sometimes isn’t it when it comes to how we would like to respond toward some people’s actions toward us.  The voices are pretty convincing that even we are not all that great.

If we were honest though, most of the people in our lives are a lot like us.  Just trying to make their way in the world and do the best they can.  Very few people in our lives actually deliberately try to make our lives miserable.  There are a few, I will acknowledge that, but for most part, people seem decent enough.

I think this is more evident if you have ever been lost alone away from people for a while or wonder if you can find your way back to them.  I have had this experience at least twice.  It is an intense relief when you actually find another person.  I get what Odin is saying in Havamal 47.  Like it or not we need our fellow humans and very few of us are misanthropes.

In fact, I would argue that many times at our lowest point it has been someone else who helped us out of it.  Some person who saw us in our suffering and actually stopped to help, or as we wandered we ran into someone who inspired us. I would say our positive encounters with humans actually probably outweigh our negative ones.

At the very least we become like the guy in the Disturbed video of ‘Voices’.  We drop our anger and desire for vengeance and simply walk off to the mosh pit and try to find a more human ‘loving’ way to get rid of our anger. Perhaps that is the greatest testimony to humanities goodness after all – that we choose to find another way that is constructive.  Very few of us actually act on the voices.

Closing Song:  Slash Street Boys – “I’ll Kill You That Way”:

A little Halloween Humor to send you off today.  Enjoy the Week and Happy Halloween!!!

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – The Big Picture and Depression Triggers

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

The Planning part is done.  Virtues, Routines, Goals, Plans, etc. are all finished as far as initial thoughts.  Now is the time for to get the big picture and make a final plan which is how I am going to maintain this and monitor it.  Of course this is what this blog and blogging in general is all about for me.  I have three journal posts each week and my notebook, which is how monitoring this is going to take place.  There are also adjustments that need to take place as things are crossed off my lists as accomplished and life changes from time to time. Mostly though I will be using the three A Skald’s Life posts each week to keep track of things and stay motivated. Today is the big picture of how that will work and at the end something personal because it doesn’t really fit anything else.

A Skald’s Life – Foundational – In each weeks Foundational Post, I will be discussing the Noble Virtues of Honor, Courage and Truth.  I think it is also a good place to discuss the Morning Routine, Bucket List and my Weightlifting Plan. Like all my journal posts is will start with a basic journal entry of what is going on.

A Skald’s Life – Business – In each weeks Business Post, I will be discussing the Noble Virtues of Self-Reliance, Industriousness and Hospitality.  I think it is a good place to discuss the Daily Routine, Goals and Budget Plan.  It also with start with a basic journal entry.

A Skald’s Life – Self – In each weeks Self Post, I will be discussing the Noble Virtues of Discipline, Perseverance and Fidelity.  I think it is a good place to Discuss the Weekly Routine and my Nutritional Plan.  Having one less thing I will probably be looking back at the week as a whole in the basic journal entry which usually takes longer.

The last tool is my notebook which basically has check lists for the Routines and copies of the Virtues, Principles, Goals, Bucket Lists and Plans.  I keep these in front of me every day in the Morning Routine.  These Journal Entries are about marking progress.

Depression Triggers:

I know is might be strange to switch to this topic but The Rabyd Skald Posts are about what doesn’t fit into the other posts that are more standardized.  I would also say the reason I am doing all the Virtues, Goals, etc. is that it is my way of constantly combating my depression and keeping the things that trigger it at bay.  So perhaps is does fit as the overall goal of keeping myself walking through The Grey and still accomplishing what I need to accomplish – It is truly about being The Grey Wayfarer in that sense.

My depression is not as severe as many others.  I can function in the middle of it. It just makes me get moody and difficult to deal with at times.  It basically makes me feel either slightly sad or nothing.  That is I have this feeling that everything is either a waste of time and it makes me sad or I feel nothing at all.  It’s the nothing that bothers me more than the sadness.

I have spent the last couple months really trying to identify things that trigger it.  I am pretty sure I have discovered some of them.  I am not sure how to combat some of these as there is no way to not discuss some of them or avoid some of them.  In fact I am not sure if the way to deal with these triggers is to avoid them at all or actually discuss them.  It’s at times like these I miss The Rabyd Microphone, because I wouldn’t be hesitating about talking about things.  These days I have others to think about, so I play things close to the vest a little more and discuss them with my wife and our marriage counselor more.

My Depression Triggers:

  1. Anger – After I calm down it turns to The Grey.  The real problem is after this summer I have much more to get angry about, so it comes up more often.
  2. Talking about certain people – I lost a lot of friends but to be honest when you make a serious mistake and friends abandon you, then you at least find out who your real friends were.  The one’s that just left or took off, yeah, fuck ’em. Less baggage now. That’s not the issue.  It’s the people who didn’t just abandon you, they stabbed you as they left.  They took advantage of your vulnerability or openness to them and they left you when you needed them most or even worse betrayed you.  Yeah, those people make me angry or sad and then The Grey follows.
  3. When I don’t feel a love connection.  I know it sounds stupid or maybe sappy but love connections fight my depression. They have to be maintained so my wife and I cuddle and talk a lot whenever possible. I make a point of it; to keep it going so when The Grey comes it helps me get over it quicker.  It could be said though that if I haven’t maintained my love connections, The Grey comes more often when I am alone.  I am alone a lot as an introvert,  People drain my energy over time and I need a recharge by getting alone. But there is a great deal of difference in being alone and feeling lonely.

The past is a relentless bastard even though it cannot be changed.  It still takes a toll on you if you let it.  I have found the only real way to combat it is look to the future to be better. To keep walking.  Hopefully from time to time you stand in the sunlight.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Odin’s Eye – Halloween (Samhain)

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Thor’s Day

Every once in a while I make the statement that I am a Pagan or have Pagan tendencies.  I have to confess the main reasons for this are spirituality and  holidays.  I suppose this post is more for educational purposes than it is expression of any beliefs I might have; but I do embrace the idea that a truer understanding in the realm of spirituality might be our hearts reaching out to the world around us, and paganism has that in abundance.

By the next Odin’s Eye we will be past Halloween and so I want to talk about the holiday before it happens.  I must freely confess now that my favorite holiday of the year is actually Halloween.  I never could say that because I was a Christian and minister, but now I can.  I love the whole thing.  The dressing up in costumes, the carving pumpkins, trick or treat, the whole darkness and death of it.  It reminds us all things die and when it comes to the seasons this is particularly true.  In a sense Halloween is the celebration of the end of the harvest season and the end of the year for pagans.

Now Christians tend to make anything Satanic if it doesn’t line up with their beliefs but Halloween and Samhain are hardly Satanic.  The real problem is that Christians also steal a lot from pagans and the fact that All Saints Day is November 1 is no accident because Halloween is the big day for pagans.  It’s about countering it with a Christian holiday. But Christians steal a lot more than that and holidays for Christianity tend to be near to pagan ones and even use pagan symbols but Christianize them.

That said, I like the basic concepts of paganism’s spirituality because it creates a very individualized belief system to the person while at the same time allows community spirit. At the same time, it has aspects of religion that I pretty much as a deist reject.

Faith:

No I don’t really have faith in what is commonly called Wicca or Paganism on that side of the aisle.  When I say I have pagan tendencies, I mean I draw my spirituality from looking at the world around me and my inward self.  This means paganism has many schools of thought and most of them have the same religious nature as the monotheistic faiths.  I have faith in my abilities to advance myself and be in tune with the world around me.  That’s about it, but it lines up with paganism’s basic foundational tenets.

Religion:

Halloween for the Pagan marks the end of the year and starts the new year with the season of Samhain.  The beginning of the long dark period before rebirth and renewal in the spring.  Different pagan groups view this differently but Halloween was a celebration originally and Christians are probably the most guilty of trying to add sinister qualities to it to discredit it.  Mostly though it is a time and day to honor the past and past people. To honor what has gone on before.

Theology:

Theologically speaking as a deist who believes in something; but as an agnostic I don’t know what it is, I think paganism is more honest about looking at what we know for sure and honoring it.  What can we know for sure?  The people who have gone before us that have blazed the path so we are where we are today.  Honoring the dead and their work and sacrifices is something we can truly honor and know we are honoring something that is indeed real.

Spirituality:

I suppose my most spiritual moment this last summer came while standing at the graveside of my father.  Given all that I was going through, I was wondering what he would have said or done at that moment.  I have to admit that it was there at his graveside I began to realize some sense of reality of what I was doing and perhaps honoring my commitments.  Mostly to my wife.  I still struggled after that but that moment left me pondering my life and in the end became the seed of the motivation that caused me to consider reconciliation with my wife.  Perhaps there is far more spiritual truth to the honoring those who have gone before. All religions seem to have elements of this and perhaps it is one of the more valuable contributions of religion in general.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Weightlifting Plan

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

I must pause here and reflect a bit before I get into my actual plan.  This has been without a doubt one of the most stressful times I have had running from the end of May until the end of August.  It was in many ways up and down like the worlds most twisty roller coaster and just as friendly to my insides.  Through all that, I have been able to maintain a couple of things that kept me from going totally nuts.  One of them was weightlifting.

Like Henry Rollins says – 200 lbs. is 200 lbs.  The Iron is a reference point, beacon and the real deal.  There is no falsity to iron. In my life, the iron has never left me, disappointed me, run out on me or freaked out on me. I found this summer the one place of calm and steadiness was the gym and my truest friend the iron.

My weightlifting plan revolves around quarters.  October through December is the fourth quarter so I am coming to the end of my current year cycle. Next Year is kind of up in the air because I plan on looking for a new job and that might take me in various directions.  It’s too bad because after three and a half years at my current gym, I have come to love the place.  Practicality might dictate something closer to work instead of school and that means changing gyms.  This might cause me to change plans but I doubt it as I wouldn’t consider a gym that didn’t have the equipment I need, unless I have no choice.

In planning I have also had to consider some injuries of the past.  Two years ago I had a repair on a high hernia which required a fairly lengthy recovery from a lifting standpoint.  More recently I have had to deal with tennis elbow in my left elbow. It’s these more lengthy, non-life threatening events that have caused me to rethink an old saying – ‘you need to train to train.”  That means more abdominal work and forearm work.  Stuff a lot of people neglect but I can’t afford to do that anymore.  I want to keep lifting for a long time so injury prevention training is part of the deal.  That’s why the split is longer with five days but I only lift on four days a week so recovery is not an issue.  It’s also why every day now starts with a full stretching routine in the mix.

Everything I do is focused on muscle growth or endurance.  Strength comes with that but it’s not a focus. As I age, muscle loss is more of a problem and I want to fight that.  I will however start with strength because my bucket list has some items I need to work on. So January will be more strength focused with probably a 4 x 5 set/rep range. April to June I will be back to hypertrophy with 4 x 8, July to September 4 x 10, October to December – 4 x 8 once again.

My split hasn’t changed all year other than I added a day – The Core Day which is about abdominal work.  Day 1 – Chest/Delts, Day 2 – Back/Traps, Day 3 – Legs, Day 4 – Arms, Day 5 – The Core. I am hoping once school gets done I can go back to five days a week but right now I four is enough with one day getting a break each week.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

There is always some argument about whether honor is an internal thing or external thing.  I say internal because quite frankly not every one is going to like you and just because some people dishonor you, it doesn’t mean you have it give them credence.  What should mean something to you is your feeling of self value and if that’s good you are good. It’s why some people can disrespect me and I can ignore them or tell them to fuck off.

I am struggling with being positive.  Right now mental fatigue is very high and what I really want is a whole week off from everything.  Not going to happen, so need to find a way to get more motivation to get stuff done and that starts with being positive.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

I say fuck off to a lot of people who call me a coward.  Sometimes the right thing is to walk away and that is what I am trying to do.  The same time, I feel the scales of justice need to be balanced, but I can be patient about that.

Image may contain: 1 person, beard and text  Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

I spend a lot of time in silence these days.  It’s better than lying to people who want to know how I am.  Mostly, people need to mind their own business.  I also would say I don’t tell to many people what’s going on with me, because my trust level of others has taken a nose dive in the last few months.  I trust very few these days and most of them are family and even then advice is to be wary of everyone.  Some don’t like the truth, so there is that.

Image may contain: one or more people and textSchool is OK.  I get by but I am waiting for that spark that ignites me to pursue knowledge at a high level and I think that is starting to happen.  We shall see.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Of Wolves and Ravens” – How This Works

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

 

Happy Tyr’s Day

In my introduction last week I probably rushed it a little in one factor of how this “Of Wolves and Ravens” actually works as far as a philosophy.  My main thing will be to take an issue (either political, economic, social or even personal) and working it through the philosophy summed up in the statement – “It’s OK to Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens First”.

My point is doing this is to basically create an exercise to engaging this new philosophy for myself.  Hopefully in working through this philosophy, I can provide some insight that you the reader might find beneficial as well.  Today I want to basically expand this philosophy a little with some examples so you the reader can understand what I am talking about in general.  Next week I will pick our first issue.  Each issue will be boiled down to the what we need and want but then engaging some reason and wisdom what is the best course of action.  I am going to use the general topic of Sex as an example.

Needs (Geri): When looking at the need side of things we have to ask ourselves what is needed here?  In the case of Sex, people as a race need to continue.  The real need of sex is procreation.  It might be argued that the entertainment value of sex is also a need but the issue of a need from a human point of view is about survival. Sex allows the human race to survive and go on.  Sex needs to take place for this to happen. If we look at organisms and their needs water, food and procreation top the list for all living things and for humans one of these is procreation and sex is what we do to make that happen. No one, but the most extreme view would argue that the wolf of need for procreation needs to be fed.

Wants (Freki): We humans though like sex and want it.  While some people want it for the procreative action as people do want to have children, the main thing about want and sex is that we enjoy the pleasure of it.  Sex in and of itself is not evil or bad, so us wanting it is not wanting something bad either.  The pleasure of sex is something good, we could conclude as it makes people feel better about life. It is OK to feed Freki when it comes to sex as it fills a desire and there is nothing inherently wrong with fulfilling a desire. It’s OK to feed the Wolves.  It’s OK to have sex because it is enjoyable and it leads to the continuation of the human race.

Reason (Huginn): The real problem though is we must first listen to the Ravens before we make that choice. The one thing we need to think about is what are the consequences of sexual activity?  Well this probably where I would note that ‘Sex’ as a topic might be a little broad but let’s continue.  Mostly the issue here is unwanted pregnancy but that goes back to wants and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).  The question of unwanted pregnancies is a large issue and involves other issues such as abortion, religion and economics but this can be curbed quite a bit in the modern world if people use effective birth control.  STDs are largely controlled by certain birth control methods but let’s be fair here – there is one benefit of sexual fidelity either abstinence or faithfulness to a single partner – the risk of STDs is near null.  Reason says that effective birth control coupled by basic fidelity and caution might kick the two major concerns about sex out of the picture. at least for the most part.

Wisdom (Muninn): On a wisdom side of things, we deal with relationships.  In western society it is a rare man or woman who doesn’t have a problem with jealousy.  Rape is also an issue here because the issue of mutual consent is a Wisdom issue. Sex is not something you take from others, nor can we avoid the fact that human nature causes both men and women to eventually look for an exclusive sexual relationship.  Not all cultures are this way, so each one would have to be considered but in our society if you go sleeping around the other person is probably going to get upset and a breakup is probably in your future.  Some people can be open about this in their relationships, but they seem to be the exception rather than the rule.  There are a lot of issues I could continue to talk about here and I can definitely say that the subject of sex is too broad a topic to handle in one post, but I hope you get the idea.

Conclusion:

At this point I might wrap things up with a conclusion.  Mostly when it comes to the subject of sex, my advice would be to be safe, respectful and communicate so boundaries are understood. There is a lot more here but for example purposes, I hope it helps you understand what “Of Wolves and Ravens” is going to be about.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!