Wisdom

“Before and After” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 24

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Woden’s (Odin) Day!

This post is a little later than usual because I am doing a little bit of an experiment with it.  In about a half-hour, my therapist and I will be meeting via Skype and we will be hopefully discussing some of my issues so what you are getting with this installment is The Grey and The Wayfarer ‘before and after’.  So the part marked ‘Before’ is what I was thinking before I went into session and the part marked “After” is my thoughts as I reflected on them after the session.  It has really been up and down these last two weeks so I need to talk about that.

Before:

The issues I want to discuss in this session are the main two of my marriage and identity.  In the issue of my marriage, there are some things I need to discuss with my wife and my therapist is going to help me, according to our last session, as to how to approach this discussion as I am a little apprehensive of talking about the specific issues.  It’s weird because this isn’t about sex or intimacy but more about common goals, vision and what are we going to do now. What are we now with our values shifting in different directions and the objective for our lives shifting.

The second issue of identity is one of trying to figure out what I am now that I am both an atheist and no longer a pastor.  Part of this is career issues that my job coach is helping me with and I will talk on that at a different time.  This is deeper than that.  More of a foundational question.  My hope is there will be some insight as the last two sessions have been more of me talking and her digesting things and coming to understand my situation.  Hopefully, she has some wisdom, because right now I could use some and I am starting to feel confined and trapped by the situation.  That’s before.  See what happens and then I will write an after and then post both.

After:

Things worked as I think she guided my own thoughts into doing what needs to be done.  I need to really think about a direct course of designing my life as far as what I am going to be while having options.  My primary identity is being a writer, but it is going to be my second one which can be multiple things that will define me as far as other people are concerned for a while.

Also, we talked about Christmas and the family mostly.  I just don’t want it to be drama, but I also have the task of telling people I don’t pray anymore over the meals.  It’s more about celebrating the season of Yuletide and being with the kids and grandkids as much as possible. I am just there to enjoy, not be the spiritual master of ceremonies.

Of course, we talked about my marriage and all I will say about that is that a conversation between us needs to take place soon.  No more there, as no one else needs to know yet what is going on. I just now have it very clear that before the new year my wife and I need to talk about some things. ‘Need’ being the keyword.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Hospitality, Atheism, and Asatru” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Hospitality

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Discussion:

I have been struggling with something for a while now and that is the ability to connect with people. When I was pastor fo my last church I created a small group of people with the idea of sharing and prayer for one another. I called it Living Stones based on `1 Peter 2:4-5:

And coming to Him as to a living stone which has been rejected by men, but is choice and precious in the sight of God, you also, as living stones, are being built up as a spiritual house for a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.

The point was to share one’s struggles and triumphs in one’s spiritual walk with Christ to become drawn together in relationship with each other and Christ as living stones.  it was good in that it was for a while one of the best support groups I was ever a part of and my main motivation for creating it was my need for companionship where I could be open with people about some of my feelings.  It is the support group aspect I miss very much.

Hospitality is the same virtue if you take a broad definition of showing care and concern for others.  Asatru’s definition is about sharing when one can, especially with those far from home. Being kind. But for me, it is also about gathering with others in an environment that is safe so one can share more than prosperity, but one’s life with others.  I miss it.  But I also have developed through the painful experience of trusting others that people can betray you when you need them the most.

The atheist community is foreign to me.  I mean not completely so, but I am just starting in it nad it is good that through the Clergy Project I have a group and it did meet my goal.  But it isn’t the same as having people in your life every day or a couple times a week. Real flesh and blood that you have hospitality with.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

I still need something but I am not sure I will ever have it again.  Fellowship.  I lack fellowship and it is eating at me.  The problem is I don’t trust anyone anymore. How does one meet a need in your life when you have trouble trusting those that could provide it?

Wants (Freki):

On a want level, I want this in other relationships to be deeper, but once again trust or my high expectations seem to get in the way.  So better not to trust at all than being disappointed.  Hospitality demands I trust and boy do I struggle with it even though it would gain for me something I need and want.

Reason (Huginn):

So what is the reasonable thing to do?  It is the question I will have for my therapist on Woden’s Day. I am glad to have a group to talk to and her about this, but how far do I trust them even. Or is the better question, how far do I trust them?  I hate being lonely on the one hand, but I can’t trust people at times enough to open up so I am not lonely. Will I ever find someone to be fully transparent with again?

Wisdom (Muninn):

Wisdom is very cloudy on this issue for me.  Grey and overcast. Hopefully, something will become clear.

Conclusion:

Hospitality is the virtue I struggle with the most. I just don’t know what to do about it.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Caveman Lifestyle” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

All of my goals that remain under Self Virtues are about diet and exercise. The diet being caveman Paleo and my exercise practical involving stretching, weightlifting, and hiking. In many cases, I am modeling on what life might have been for us as we evolved out of the early days into now.  Walking with loads on our back, moving obstacles with strength and stretching the joints and tendons to the limit. All while, eating a diet based on hunting and gathering.   It works for me.

It might also be said that other caveman activities are present – notably being entertained by stories and sex while maintaining nudism when I can. A lifestyle inspired by ancestors. Given my weight loss, increased strength and endurance plus of the health factors that have improved – I would say it has worked very well.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April 30th, 2020 – Beltane.

To be full paleo diet means from January to March I need to be full time on it.  No cheats and no exceptions. This is going to require some serious look at paleo recipes and some serious introduction of self-control.  I am game. But after the holidays.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

I want to introduce a treadmill walk to my workout after lifting and i want to also have that have either a weighted vest or a backpack with weight.  I need to train because when the snow melts off the ground I have some hiking to do and I want to be ready. Lifting and stretching are good right now,  Just want to be more consistent.

Fidelity:

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s moral philosophy, to one’s family, one’s friends, and most important to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends is valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

Goal achieved.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom:

The wisdom as always is establishing lifestyle change, not a 12-week plan.  The latter leads to the up and downhill rollercoaster of being fit and fat.  Nope.  Needs to be out the gate full on and long term. That’s wisdom.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  5. Reading – 1/7th of a book
  6. Writing – 3000 Words

I need to work on this one the most.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 5

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
  4. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  5. By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Lonely Milestones” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 24

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day!

Introduction:

I know some of you are probably expecting Space Tramp and I do apologize for not having it this week.  I am really struggling with inspiration for writing and the issue of my muse is going to come up soon in my writing.  Its why I am trying to finish both Rogue Wizard and Space Tramp in the next couple of months because I am trying to get a completely new fantasy series going that creates a muse of sorts.  Or more concretely explores the topic of inspiration so I can find a source for it that is more consistent.

I have a few things to talk about in this edition of The Grey and The Wayfarer.   1) Some Milestones for the Blog, 2) My Loneliness and 3) A Personal Reflection on Therapy.

Blog Milestones:

Some good news upfront.  1) This blog actually past 500 posts a couple of weeks ago.  Now I can say I do have a bit of content.  2) Yesterday I hit the 100 WordPress follower mark.  I want to thank everyone for reading and following.

My Loneliness:

The Grey for the last few weeks has brought about loneliness I can’t describe other than to say that no matter what I do I can’t shake the feeling.  I don’t know if it is the realization of mortality or perhaps simply a broken heart still bleeding on the inside. I miss some people being in my life more consistently but there is the need in my heart for someone who truly gets me.

I either did have that for a few months in 2018 or thought I did and I miss it terribly. There is still a hole in my life from a relationship that is now gone and I am still dealing with it.  It’s the same observation that I have had that I long for a relationship that is intimate on a more instinctual emotional level.  But my heart is guarded by attack dogs, a wall of Trust No One and staying distant for fear of being hurt again.

I hate being INFJ where you can read other emotions on people like a book and even have my own emotions mimic theirs.  The only time I know what I am truly feeling is when I am alone and then when I try to express it verbally to others, it comes garbled or not at all because I don’t want to trouble others with my feelings. Only writing them seems to work.

The lonely wanderer is who I am and I both love and hate it. There is a wisdom to it.  There is loneliness I can’t describe to it as well.  I am glad I have a support group, a job coach and a therapist to talk me through things. But at the same time, they can’t fix my problems, I have to do that.

Therapy Reflections:

Of course, some of you are wondering at this point – ‘what about his wife?”  My wife is a wonderful person and I know she loves me and I love her.  It is just with all the changes to me and my outlook on life I am starting to feel trapped again by this marriage.  There is no common core goal for this marriage anymore and that is largely my fault because I am the one that has changed so much.  I like change – life is a journey of constant change and I embrace that and it is hard to live with someone who would rather have stability and security.  Nothin wrong with those things, they just are not me anymore.  They also are not real to me anymore.

This is why even though our relationship is much better as far as friendship and intimacy, it still leaves something to be desired from my perspective.  Once again because of my changed worldview.  My wife and I got married because we were Christians and called into the ministry and everyone told us we would be good ministry partners. We were also secretly personally guilt driven into marriage because we were having sex for months before we were married. In the mindset we were brought up in; once you fuck you better get married or you’re sinning against a holy god. There was no consideration of compatibility or common interest.  It is why some look at us and don’t get it. I at times feel that way too.

That is why in therapy the majority of focuses on what my new identity is now to deal with the loneliness question and a lot of questions on how to make this marriage work despite widely diverging values.  My wife seems content but I know I am restless.  Very restless. I don’t want to get to the point where I hate my life and marriage and all that goes with them again.  But if something doesn’t change soon, that is where I will be.  I know myself much better now and the danger is very real.

Thanks for reading all that if you did.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Industriousness, Atheism, and Asatru” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Industriousness

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Discussion:

The heart and soul of industriousness is having a strong purpose.  Working with a purpose in mind usually means better work that is also done with a lot more joy.  Building something or accomplishing a goal that lines up with an overall purpose gives great satisfaction to any person.

My atheism does not change much here other than the purpose I have is not defined by anyone else.  The only one who can define this is me.  No gods, no masters.  Just me being in charge of my life’s purpose and executing it through hard work.

I can, as Asatru encourages, enjoy work for work’s sake.  I do find some joy in trying to approach any job trying to do it in a way that is more efficient than last time.  There is however a need now that I am no longer a pastor and Christian to redefine my purpose and make it strong. I have been engaged in this for some time but I think I am getting closer to fully understanding my purpose now.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

 

Needs (Geri):

I need purpose so my work has focus. Industriousness might tell me to work hard for the simple understanding of survival but there is prosperity I am after as well.  Not just a prosperity of possessions but the prosperity of mind and heart I am after as well.  There was a day in 2018, I thought I had found it and I have never felt more on top of the world, then it was gone. I need that back again.

Wants (Freki):

I want this because it keeps the Grey at a distance and allows me to look at life in a more positive light.  Talent gets beat my hard work if the talent does not work hard. At the same time talent coupled with hard work is unstoppable. I need to find my talents outside ministry and embrace them and work hard to make them work better.  I think writing is one of them, but I think I have others. I want to discover them and make them work for me.

Reason (Huginn):

I guess the biggest thing about being a person of reason is to note that those who are successful in some way work hard. Even if you were born with the highest level of privilege in life, it isn’t going to be better or larger unless you work hard to make it so.  It takes thinking and vision to make something better otherwise it just stagnates and dies.

Wisdom (Muninn):

The wisdom of working hard is noted in probably every philosophy and religion of note. However, like many things, this is simply those philosophies and religions borrowing something man has discovered by living life. Industriousness, as a virtue, works as hard as it demands you work.

Conclusion:

I don’t have a problem working hard even as an atheist.  My struggle is after so long letting another philosophy tell me what my purpose was, I now have to figure it out for myself.  I do however think the answer is found in working hard to find it.  Not hoping it falls out of the sky.  I suspect once I have found it, it will be the most wonderful thing for me.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Fidelity as a Gift” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

I didn’t change much as far as virtues here except when it came to fidelity.  I have come to see that blind fidelity, much like blind faith, is not very useful and can, in fact, be damaging.  In any case, as I looked through all these Principles, I saw no need for changes.

My main concern is loyalty to myself these days.  I find that as I look back at it, it was blind loyalty to the faith, friends, and lovers that hurt me the most in the end. It is perhaps simple my desire to see loyalty as clearly as possible.  It is reciprocal, or it isn’t worth a damn.   To give the gist of loyalty and receive it, in the same way, is the key I now understand.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April 30th, 2020 – Beltane.

Still solid as a principle.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

Yep, good here too.

Fidelity:

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s moral philosophy, to one’s family, one’s friends, and most important to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends is valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

Even though I changed the Virtue quite a bit, I see no need to change the principle as it is short and reflects the central truth of the virtue.  If you want loyalty from me, be loyal in return.  Not hard people.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom:

The wisest thing I have done is work on being more loyal to myself.  It has been long in coming and quite frankly I have less stress.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  5. Reading – 1/7th of a book
  6. Writing – 3000 Words

Needs work.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 5

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
  4. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  5. By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Self Reliance, Atheism, and Asatru” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Self-Reliance

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Discussion:

I recently changed the virtue of self-reliance’s definition, so it bears repeating:

“Self-Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved when each person is their own master and no one else’s’ .”

When it comes to atheism and the concept of self-reliance, there is a lot overlap here as the one thing one discards as an atheist is a dependence on the divine of any type.  There is no praying for rescue, no religion, no faith that can save you are help you.  The world is a harsh place sometimes and a lot fo the times we are on our own to face it,  Facing that reality is both terrifying and liberating.  Self-reliance is like that because you often wonder if you have what it takes to make it through each situation.

The flip side so self-reliance is the independence of it which is not only liberating but beneficial.  Once you have taken responsibility, then you get to make your own decisions at the end which have a higher likelihood of being beneficial to your situation than ones made by others.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Image result for heinlein quotes responsibility

Needs (Geri):

People do not grow as people without taking responsibility for themselves.  this is a value shared by atheists and followers of Asatru. Otherwise, a person stagnates in their personal development and does not grow because they have become dependent on others.  People need to take responsibility for their life for growth to take place.

Wants (Freki):

We want this as well. Self-reliance leads to reward.  We not only have a better chance of getting what we want but in the end, we build our pride. Something that allows us to walk the world without shame and with a great deal of honor. These are things everyone should desire.

Reason (Huginn):

The rational point of view that leads to self-reliance is summed up in the statement – ‘no gods, no masters.”.  To be free and independent, to enjoy the blessings of liberty, one must be rational and rationally self-reliant.  You simply do not get liberty by being reliant on others to the point of dependence. From a rational point of view, it is unhealthy because to be in any relationship to become overly dependent or dependent against ones will is to be a slave.

Wisdom (Muninn):

The wisdom is this, relationships need to be based on a lack of dominance to be good ones. Once one has assumed the role of master, liberty is gone.  It is the desire to not be someone slave or in return not to be anyone’s master that leads to self-reliance. You are not just a champion for your own self-reliance, but for the self-reliance of others. This is the wise path to liberty.

Conclusion:

I find that one of the dearest virtues of my heart is self-reliance.  It keeps me getting up in the morning and hustling for what I want. It is the spirit of independence and the essence of why I take responsibility for myself and my actions.  No gods, no masters – self-reliant.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Redefining Fidelity” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

When you have had an affair wrestling with fidelity is an issue. You might say it has become a ‘what went wrong” issue for me. But that is not all that factors into this.  There are a lot of practical concerns not least of which is as an atheist the basis for marriage has to be practical and also involve spiritual issues from that standpoint.

Are we compatible? Are we good for each other?  Etc.  Feelings of love aside there is the simple question of ‘what is the purpose of marriage, or any other relationship for that matter if there is no god to answer to?’  When the vows you took have no basis to you anymore why do you have to be faithful and should you? It is a discussion my therapist and I are starting to have.

But fidelity is bigger than marriage and my largest problem with my definition of the virtue of fidelity is that it is taken from Asatru which assumes the existence of gods to be loyal to.  It has probably needed a rewrite for some months because of this.  Mostly this idea of gods needs to be addressed but there is also the issue of friends and being loyal to myself.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April 30th, 2020 – Beltane.

I really have no problem with this definition of discipline. One might quibble about the ideas involving others in light of my new understanding of self-reliance, but leadership does require good discipline of the group you lead to be an effective leader.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

No problems.

Fidelity:

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s moral philosophy, to one’s family, one’s friends, and most important to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends is valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

  1. Changed gods and goddesses to moral philosophy
  2. Added freinds officially to the list of groups to be loyal to
  3. Emphasized loyalty to self.
  4. I moved things to the present tense instead of the past tense.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom:

Wisdom is found in consistency.  As a writer, I dislike plot holes, dangling side plots, etc.  In a same vein, I don’t like inconsistency in one’s viewpoint.  Hypocrisy might have an excuse in someone who believes that simply by believing in atonement their hypocrisies are forgiven and thus justified. There is no such idea in atheism.  You better have some level of pride to be an atheist and this means to have honor and being ashamed when you fail.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  5. Reading – 1/7th of a book
  6. Writing – 3000 Words

Solid, it’s just when I have days off I tend to get lazy about things.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 5

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
  4. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  5. By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Atheism, Asatru and Truth”- Of Wolves and Ravens – Truth

/ Ed Raby Sr / 3 Comments

Happy Mani’s Day

Discussion:

Truth is painful but liberating.  It is this commitment to truth that brought me where I am today so it could be argued whether truth as virtue is something more universal, but I don’t think certain forces are som much committed to truth as they are committed to creating beautiful comfortable lies that people would rather have in their lives than the painful truth.

The painful truth is there is no evidence whatsoever that there is an afterlife, cosmic justice after death or even karma. There is no evidence we are special or unique beyond our genetics and that means a whole lot of truth that people not only do not want face is painful to confront.

Asatru’s commitment to truth is one an atheist can resonate with but would state that Asatru believes in things that cannot be verified as truth.  That said the idea of the virtue of truth is more about what to do with truth rather than discovering it.  It is about standing for truth when there is a need and being silent in the presence of fools.  It is about what to do with truth once you have discovered it.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

See the source image

Needs (Geri):

We need truth to guide our lives effectively.  The issue is acting on the truth rather than being passive.  There is more to taking the red pill than just knowledge, there becomes a need to act on it or there is no point in knowing the truth. Truth is only effective when it is acted on.

Wants (Freki):

More than need I want the truth because it makes me stop wasting my time, energy and resources on lies.  The issue for me with both religion and government is that the whole of both is based on a lot of lies. Things that not only cannot be proven but also can be demonstrated to be false.  To continue to pour one’s life into a falsehood simply because it gives comfort is still wasting your life.

Reason (Huginn):

It is been said that regarding ‘belief’ that one still should believe in the chance that God is real and an afterlife, but this seems strange to me as wouldn’t an all-knowing god know this s my motivation and what is good about this motivation.  No.  I would rather live my life in truth no matter what fears it might cause.  I don’t waste time, resources or energy anymore on things that are lies or based on lies.

Wisdom (Muninn):

Wisdom is hard on this one.  But it comes down to that the truth should make your life efficient because you are not ordering your life on fantasy.  Nothing wrong with science fiction or fantasy as entertainment, but not as a way to live life fully and completely. Wisdom is found in accepting the truth and then navigating through both the pain of it and the liberation of it.  Pain is fuel for freedom is the wisdom here.

Conclusion:

My recognition that I was an atheist was the result of a long journey, but in the end, I feel the truth of it has caused me to recognize what is really important and not waste time energy or resources on something that is essentially organized deception. It was not going into darkness but rath facing the painful truth and coming out of my beautiful lie to being real and authentic. It has been an interesting combination of atheistic philosophy and Asatru in its virtue of Truth that has brought me to this place.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Rebel Self” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

Here at the end of the week of consideration of my bucket list items, I have to note that this part fo the list is very much more of my rebel side.  This is despite the fact that the virtues involved are Discipline, Perseverance, and Loyalty.  The issue is that part of the fruit of all these is freedom.

The rebellious act on my bucket list plainly states this and the tattoo is more of a subtle issue, but not overly so. The discovery of origins and visiting those countries just fits the wanderer that is The Grey Wayfarer.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April 30th, 2020 – Beltane.

My main goal is that next year I will be celebrating Beltane in my own way. My life of discipline giving way to a less disciplined moment in time where I do something purely for me that is not a ‘so-called’ socially acceptable thing to do.  A rebellious action against society but something that makes me happy.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

The tattoo will probably also accomplish one of my five remaining goals before the end of March. Either my first check of a new job will help me do this or I will be using part of my tax return to do it. Either way, the rebel within will be expressed on my skin.

Fidelity:

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

This probably the most long term goal I have on my bucket list.  It reflects finding roots and getting truly acquainted with my past. I wouldn’t be surprised if I found a few rebels in it.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom:

Being wise in all this, counters the rebellion.  Is there such a thing as a wise rebel.  I think there is when you pick and choose what to be rebellious with and how to do it.  Giving a middle finger to the back of life instead of the front so to speak.  Others may see you, but not the ones that can make your life difficult.  In this case, there is a wisdom to embracing my rebel self as it keeps the boiler of life from exploding with a safety valve.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  5. Reading – 1/7th of a book
  6. Writing – 3000 Words

Solid.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 5

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
  4. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  5. By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!