A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – The Scholarly Warrior

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

My foundational image of myself remains the warrior scholar or the scholarly warrior.  I don’t fight actual physical battles but I understand the connection between courage and fighting for one’s ideals.  To be honorable, courageous and truthful requires a mindset of war and intelligence.

These virtues along with Love the Higher Virtue provide the core of my being of which the other virtues endeavor to express in other ways,  This role of being the man who fights for what he believes in has never really left me despite my inner struggles and personal failures.

The real question these days is approaching the subject of what to fight for as my mindset and world view has changed quite a bit.  It is something I still search for and hopefully, the answers will be forthcoming very soon.  In the meantime, I am the searching wandering warrior looking for truth.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

The blog streak will be 218 straight days with this post.  I also know with this being the last day of school I might get back to writing more fiction as I look for a better job. My hiking will also start in earnest pretty soon,  All preparation for the future with my Hike in the north.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

Every payday and my tattoo gets closer to being a reality.  If that happens bucket list item achieved. It does not mean I won’t continue to work toward more bucket list items, it is just a goal that will be set and then reset. Budapest still is on my mind.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

I have my subject and working title for my non-fiction book.  I am just waiting for school to end to really get started. The same goes for Latin as I have the tools and the need is more to set up a lesson plan for myself and start working it.

Higher Virtue: Love:

It comes down to what I love and am passionate about.  That said sometimes you have to do the hard work of love and keep at it despite a lack of feelings. Discipline is as much a part of love as Courage.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Breakfast, Medications, and Supplements.
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

Getting better.  I am just going to be glad when the internship and school are fully done so I can concentrate on getting fully on track.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Forks in the Road (Part 1)

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

This week I want to concentrate on some of the future decisions I am going to need to make very soon.  Forks in the road for The Grey Wayfarer.  When it comes to my Foundational Level this is more about my general purpose for my life,  What is the overall plan.  Business is how I handle others, and Self is of course about how I handle myself.  Foundational forks in the road are about principles I live by at all times.

The most significant change in my life in the last year was my departure from my faith which significantly changed my life both in my profession and my personal life. MY new ‘faith’ has been somewhat a question I wrestle with a lot. The one thing the Nine Noble Virtues has done for me, it has kept my life at a foundational level somewhat stable to go forward. That said every day is a challenge regarding ethical and moral decisions and that is what the foundational virtues are all about as I go forward on the path.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

Whatever path I take these days I want it to be an honorable one.  I want it to be something that as I walk that path, there is a feeling of inner value in what I am doing.  in a recent conversation with a friend, he asked me how the job search was going.  Oddly enough I didn’t refer to a business virtue for the answer but this concept of Honor. I want something that fits that gives my life meaning and value to myself. Where I can better recognize honor in others, once I possess it for myself.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

I am finding when Courage is needed in any decision, it is more about following my intuition than what I see.  I know you would think as an INFJ personality type, I would do this automatically, but actually, that makes you second guess yourself a lot instead of following your instincts.  I need to make a lot more decisions following my instincts.  They are far more often right than wrong. It is one thing to logically look at things and see the Truth of the situation, but at the same time what is right is often not a matter of logic.  Doing the right thing at the right time is about a soul-deep decision that is more about guts than brains.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

Now, this is not to say logic and reason don’t have a lot to do with my decisions.  What I find Truth does – it defines what decisions are relevant and possible.  It doesn’t make the decisions necessarily, but it helps me define what decisions need to be made and what benefits I can perceive through the Truth that each of those decisions has or might have.  It is how mostly I see the path and the choices before me.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Which of my choices follows the most loving path? It is one of my three questions I ask at each decision point. Each fork in the road starts with this question of what is the most loving thing to do? There are two others that I will get to under Justice and Wisdom, but this one is usually the first. The thing I have to remember is the first person I need to love so I can love others, is myself.  I have long neglected this part of love and I have made a commitment to ask the questions of self-love these days.  It is starting to become more foundational and that is a good thing.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Breakfast, Medications, and Supplements.
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

I need to focus on this again and I think Stretching is going to come back after meditation. Mostly I miss stretching every morning in the nude. It was not only a physically relaxing thing to do but a spiritual one as well.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Warrior Mind (Part 1)

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

I have to remind myself that the Nine Noble Virtues of Asatru are a warrior code.  This is by design as even though I have never been a warrior as far as being a soldier, I believe maintaining a warrior mind is important for success.  Life is a battle in many ways although it has its good moments and as the old samurai saying goes – it is better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war.  A warrior can wrap his mind around situations both of battle and of peace.  In his mind he is always preparing in peace for war.

As I look at the Foundational virtues of Honor, Courage and Truth, they truly represent winning the battle in the mind before it is actually fought. In Honor there is a vision of a positive future.  In Courage there is the will to act.  In Truth there is an honest assessment of how to win and what strategy to employ. I see what I want to do with a positive mental attitude and that is the first key to winning.

I have never achieved anything or won any battle I have fought without first achieved or won in my mind first.  But flip that over and I have never won a battle or achieved anything if in my mind I had already lost.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

My daily blog streak passed the 200 day mark at the end of last week. I am well more than half way now. Once April ends I will be two-thirds done with this year of blogging.  Once the semester ends, I am going to start figuring out what hiking equipment I need and start purchasing it.  In the end it would be nice to plan the Northern trail hike with everything I need already in my possession.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

I strongly expect that I will cross a couple of things off my bucket list before March 31st of next year.  My first candidate will probably be getting a tattoo. Going back to Budapest is a long-term goal involving a lot of things happening over probably the next five years.  That said every once in a while I find myself with memories in mt head of the city.  They motivate me.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

I have picked my topic for my non-fiction book.  Now it is a matter of creating an outline which is pretty much already done for me in some ways. Learning Latin is more of a matter of taking the time to do it.  I will have less excuses once the semester is over.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Love is a great motivator for me.  It fuels me and at the same time it is the thing that I find most difficult to achieve.  I have high standards for love that I give fairly freely. I just get disappointed a lot sometimes catastrophically. Love when present is however my greatest virtue when it comes to winning the battle of the mind. If I love a person or doing what I love, I have very little difficulty in having a positive attitude about it.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Breakfast, Medications and Supplements.
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

Been a struggle this week mostly due to my own wrestling with things.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – INFJ and Love

 

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

My personality type is INFJ-A.  If you are familiar with Meyers-Briggs you know that means I am and Introverted, Intuitive, Feelings oriented, Judging type of person with a A on the end for being slightly assertive.  Sometime called the advocate or protector. Now over the years I have changed in my personality indicating to me that events of life can change personality.

I want to look this week at the Higher Virtues and the Nine Noble Virtues in relationship to my personality type to see if I can find any insight into myself. Today I will talk about Love (Romantic Love in particular) and the other Foundational Virtues related to my personality,  I will hit other subjects as the week goes on.

There are lot general things I could see but the thing that sticks out to me about myself when it comes to love, is that when I share with you my inner self, it is because I believe you will never hurt me. I have missed judged this many times and I have paid a price for it. I also am struck with how once I have loved or had a strong friendship with someone I never forget it.  Love is tough for me, because I bear the joys and scars from it for long time.  When someone I trust my inner feelings to betrays or breaks that trust in some other way, it is devastating.  The hurt is long-term and never completely goes away.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

This is the second week in a row that I have struggled with honor.  I don’t know why or how to get over it.  I think getting back to lifting helped but I think I need that long walk yet and the weather has sucked. I think my personality might have problems me loving me. Am I actually reaching the point where I am trying to learn to trust myself again after failing myself?  That would be very INFJ.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

Courage as a part of love is difficult.  It is one of the reasons I came back to my wife and continue to struggle with rebuilding the relationship.  In my mind actually we are building something new that is better, because the old was not that great. It’s the right thing to do even though when I was considering reconciling I struggled with what I would have to give up – opportunity for something new – in order to reconcile.  Love require work – courageous work at times.  For me as a INFJ, I perceive how deep that is and why I gravitate toward it.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

Truth in Love.  In the Bible Love rejoices in the truth and I would say that is a solid statement.  The real problem last year with me and love is that even though I trusted in love both on the friendship side and the romantic side. The truth I couldn’t see, but should have known on my INFJ side, is that it might be true that the other side of those relationships was not feeling the love I felt at the same level. That truth, which I didn’t see, bit me in the ass.

One of the things in my recent taking of the personality test is a significant change in my introverted level.  It indicates that from this year to last year I have moved to be more introverted  75% to 94% which is pretty significant.  Truth is, my trust level of others has been pretty damaged by this whole thing. Something I might take a long time to get over as an INFJ.

Higher Virtue: Love:

People should come up to my wife and give her a big hug and tell her what a great person.  She is because of a lot of love factors. 1) Of all the people I hurt during this crisis, she had the most reason to tell me to fuck off and not come back.  But instead she did two things.  She acknowledge to me her part in the failure of our marriage and she forgave me for mine.  I started loving her anew at that moment. 2) Without her I wouldn’t have any reason to completely trust anyone other than maybe one last friend and that would have meant a lot of really bad things for me. Like dark angry shit. Without love, I think we INFJ types get mean.  Because we expect much, we get disappointed hard when love fails and that leads to some pretty extreme reactions.

My wife’s love is definitely one of only two close relationships right now that I would consider proof of my trust in other people. The rest have all been damaged because it is apparent to me with most of them the statement they claim as Christians – ‘love bears no record of wrongs’ on a practical level is bullshit. They don’t really believe it or practice it. Wish they did.  For me I gave my trust and love to some wrong people and they turned their backs on me.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Breakfast, Medications and Supplements.
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

Solid, no complaints.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Pagan Pulpit – The Book of Rabyd 2:3 – “Whenever You Find Yourself on the Side of the Majority, it is Time to Pause and Reflect.”

 

Happy Sun’s Day

Announcements: 

We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.

We also don’t take an offering here.  We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it.  Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it.  Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.

Opening Song: “No Rest for the Wicked” – Godsmack

No real official video for this song, but here is the lyric one so you can sing along.

Poem: “Salt in My Wounds” by Edward W, Raby, Sr. – Written April 13, 2019

See the source image

 

Once you were the spice of my life,

You kept me from spoiling

You were the flavor I needed

You made life less plain

 

Then you left me

laying in a pool of my own blood.

Leaving a wound

a void from your knife

 

Now memories of you are salty

Burning as they are applied to the scar

Salt in my wound

Preserving the pain.

 

-Ed Raby – April 13, 2019-

 

Without a doubt this was the easiest poem I have ever written.  At least as far as time and feeling are concerned. Took me literally just five minutes.  It’s still rough, but I suspect it will be Grey Wayfarer canonized very soon. 

Miss Salty, as I called her, helped me through a lot.  She is definitely wiser and smarter than her years would say.  But this whole thing in reflection was a doomed voyage like the Titanic. Right now memories of this whole thing are bitter-sweet. Salty like she was.  They hurt and yet I hope they bring about some cleansing like salt removing infection.

Meditation:

 

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Yep, which is why I don’t trust either party. The Wall for the right and Rich Wall Street on the left are not real threat in my opinion.  Mostly fear mongering using a supposed noble cause to seize power.

Song of Preparation:  “Cult of Personality” – Living Colour

I once heard these guys live via radio.  The guy who was announcing made the remark that they were the loudest band he ever heard in concert. Good intro.

Text:

“Whenever You Find Yourself on the Side of the Majority, it is Time to Pause and Reflect.” – The Book Of Rabyd 2:3

Sermon:

This time through The Book of Rabyd, I am trying to quote as many different people as I can.  Mark Twain was pretty much destined to be on this list and it was only a matter of time.  This is my favorite quote from him and is truly a principle of wisdom.

Tribalism is inherent in the human species.  Survival trait. We band together to take on common threats and deal with common problems. The issue is that it can also lead to a mob mentality. It can lead to just bowing down to the culture, group think or what everyone’s opinion is.

This quote is a regular reminder to all of us who prefer reason to mindless pandering.  The issue is to take action on what makes sense and is most reasonable and this quote reminds us there is nothing inherently reasonable about the majority.  The only quality they have is more numbers. The majority is not proof of truth or rightness.

For me there is a reminder here that I am both a free citizen and a responsible citizen. Free because on thing that can enslave is tribalism and cults of personality. Responsible, because from time to time you need to be the thinking one that calls into question the actions of the mob.

There are institutions that thrive on this tribalism but they can, in my humble opinion be boiled down to two things – government and religion.  Both of these tap into people’s passions rather than their reason and thus are manipulative by nature. They tap into people’s inherent tribalism and mob mentality to get actions people think are the right thing but are actually the desires of those who would seek power either through politics or faith.

The lesson then is never let your loyalty to the group outweigh your loyalty to yourself and your principles. Something I hope gets carried on by those who I call my family is the ability to question anything and everything, even if the majority thinks it is the best course.  I would rather have my descendents known for being rebels and original thinkers that people who just went along with the crowd and the mob.  That they would be people of Courage, Self-Reliance and Truth

Closing Song: “Of Wolf and Man” – Metallica

I am thinking of making this my personal theme song. A lesser known work of Metallica but still one of their best.

Parting Thought:

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Stay strong pagans. Keep going.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Rogue Wizard – The Fire of Fury – Part 7 – Painful Revelations

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Rogue Wizard’s Journal January 14th, 2019 (cont.)

I found my clothes on a table just outside the room and a couple of towels.  I was still a little wet from whatever process they had washed me off with, so I dried off. and then started getting dressed. It was then that I felt eyes watching me.  The Lioness of course and two other individuals – Lunette and Raven.

“Now all you ladies have me at a disadvantage.  You have now all seen me in the buff, but other than Lunette in middle school, I have not seen any of you in your natural state. Any takers?  No?  Well, excuse me.”

The three of them seemed a little self-conscious, so they looked away as best they could but I continued to catch glances.  I smiled.  Underwear, t-shirt with workout saying, socks, jeans, hiking boots, necklace with Valknut symbol, wedding band, sweatshirt hoodie with local university on front.

“Mr. Raby, do you use enchantments at all?”

“No, not yet anyway.  Never had he need, always focused my studies on how magic in and of itself could help me.  Enchantments are nice to have but they can be taken from you, if you lose what is enchanted.”

“You could do an enchanted tattoo”, Raven suggested.

“Yes, I could.  Combination of alchemy and enchantment and attached to my skin.  Might be worth considering.  Speaking of alchemy, nice bit of work there Lunette with the lipstick.”

Lunette looked down at her feet.

“Can I ask if the alchemy works on everyone, or it was just targeted to me?”

“Targeted. made the formula from a lock of you hair I took back in middle school.  I was surprised the formula hadn’t gone inert, but it was still active.”

“Shit knocked me out fast, figured it was targeted.  That long ago?  What was the occasion?”

“That day when we were freshmen in High School. When you grabbed my arm when I was being a bitch to you.  You basically told me to back down and I was pissed about it.  Wanted a weapon to target you.”

I nodded. I remember that day.  I said something to the effect that I was like crack cocaine to her, so she was vulnerable to me and needed to knock off the snotty bitch thing. Enough reminiscing, need information.

“Well, ladies what happened to the Red Tree Grove? Best theories please.”

Lunette spoke first.

“She must have decided to leave and give up immortality. Only thing that fits.  She didn’t pick a replacement, so her power simply diffused. The protective power was gone about ten years ago, so I went inside. The tree was still alive but barely.  Those three scars you helped heal.  Someone had opened them up again. Given that she was the only one living there at the time, she might have done it herself.”

“Well fuck.  Yeah, trying to break her addiction completely.  No tree, no drug. Where do you think she went?”

This time the Lioness spoke.

“We don’t think she kept her physical form.  We think she went completely spirit form.  It would allow her to possess any female she wanted, and keep a long life possible for her.  She could move from female to female and occupy them. Use them as hosts to live for a long time. Then move on.  Only problem is that every time she would switch she would lose a part of herself.”

“Any leads on that?”

“One, you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah, the woman you had an affair with? She might have been one of them.  Highly likely.”

This stunned me for a minute, then.  Of course it would explain how could she have connected with me so well and so quickly and how I also had changed in my thoughts about her.  I mean up until February she was just another woman in the congregation, then that all changed.

“How much control would she have had? Over her host I mean?”

Raven spoke this time.

“Only when it was truly needed, she would be too weak otherwise.  Indirect influence most likely. The woman had her own choices, but perhaps there was a nudge from Elpis.”

I cringed at the name.

“Oh, sorry.”

“No, it’s OK. I have been running from this too long. I suppose it was inevitable that both Elpis and Miss Salty would be mentioned. Time to quite avoiding and face what they were to me.  Both loves of mine and lost.”

“I guess I would fall in that category too.”, Lunette injected. Sad tone in her voice too.

“Yes, you would and my wife now that she has been killed by the Council. I don’t have any loves that are not lost in some way now. I’m alone.”

Those last two words hung there for a minute.  Like a diagnoses of cancer said aloud. Lunette seemed a little pained by it.

Raven spoke first, “You might find love again.”

“Right now, I don’t want it.  It hurts too much; too risky.  Need to mourn my wife for a bit yet.  Promised myself, if she died I would mourn her for at least six months. It’s only been a couple. I honored our Christian vows when we got back together, would have continued if she had lived. I don’t really have that view anymore so my next love, if there is one, would have different rules.”

I turned to face all of them.

“OK, the only thing left for me is family. They will be in danger as long as I am alive.  What’s the plan?  What do you want me to do?”

Writer’s Notes

I know, I broke my initial rule about mentioning Elpis and Miss Salty. But it is time I faced down my real life actions and dealt with the emotions of this whole thing. 

For a long time when it comes to fiction I have been struggling to find some inspiration and I think it is because I have been avoiding this issue of late.  I need a new motivation, a new muse to write for. Instead I have been dealing with The Grey that results from emotional constipation. I think laying things out there ends the bullshit at least and now things can get flowing again.  Like an enema for my emotions. Gross but accurate.  

I write fiction from emotion.  It is definitely a more heart then through the mind thing.  Non-fiction is the other way around, so it is easier.  This last week has been me struggling to get past this and I think I have some relief at this point.  Still some things to work out, but I feel for the first time I can write at least a little more freely when it comes to fiction.  Hopefully I am right.  If I am, you all should be seeing more fiction from me very soon. 

Practically for this series, it eliminates the past almost completely for my alter ego. His decision to fake his death would mean; at least for a time, he would be walking alone and too busy for a relationship.  Not saying there won’t be something in the future, but for now love is going to be kept at arm’s length.

In real life, my wife (alive and well) and I have made a strong commitment to make our relationship work.  There are some more obstacles because of my change of faith and my attitude about a lot of things in general has changed as well, but we work on them.  It has been hard at times, but for he most part we are a loving couple again. 

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Rogue Wizard – The Fire of Fury – Part 6 – Pixie Trouble (2)

Happy Thor’s Day

Rogue Wizard’s Journal January 14th, 2019 (cont.)

As I regained consciousness, I cursed myself for once again falling to the power of a cute face. How often does this have to happen before you realize that some women are fucking with you?  Sorry, that is a rhetorical question. Probably as long as men follow the wrong head’s advice.  I quickly put this aside and tried to remember the last moments before consciousness left me and realized that my wards had not gone off.  No magic was used by Lunette. So that left alchemy.  Shit.  No way to detect that. Lips coated with a alchemical knock out drug.  Bitch.  Something else to guard against.

I quickly switched to assessing my current problem of where I was and what state I was in. My eyes fluttered open but they didn’t help much.  Dark room with no light.  I was naked as I could feel no clothing on my body and chained (I could feel the metal shackles) with my hands over my head. My feet barely touched the floor but I was supporting my own weight.. My arms were definitely aching as well as my feet because of this. I was wet indicating someone had hosed me down or washed me. I was also gagged with one of the those ball gags that you see in BDSM.  Shit, was this to be my final fate as some sex toy for a member of the House of Venus? Worse ways to go, to be honest.

Under normal circumstances with your average mage, all this prevents spell casting and enhancement by worn objects. They removed my clothes, even my underwear in the fear it might be enchanted to augment or give me certain powers. They washed me down to get rid of any alchemical substances I might be wearing.  The gagged me to prevent verbal spell triggers and immobilized me for the same reason with gestures.  Pretty good way to make a spell caster ineffective.

Joke’s on them. Being a hedge wizard, I don’t have the problems associated with normal magical training. The normal process is so conditioned that things are standardized.  I never had any of that, so I learned things that probably other wizards have conditioned out of them. Like the need for words or gestures to focus magic.  No doubt I use them because it is easier to do things with them.  Much harder without them to be sure, but I learned long ago that, they are not really needed.  It just takes a lot more mental focus.

What to do though?. It was a difficult question as I had no information about who Lunette was doing this for or if it was something she was doing herself.  The chains though indicated she was probably on a contract.  Her last words of ‘this is for your own good.’ kind of pissed me off but also alarmed me as things had been for an unknown time out of my hands.  I dislike it when people think they know better than you what is best for you.  Shit most people can’t run themselves and then they think they can run your life?  Fuck them and fuck that.

I was in the dark figuratively and literally and I needed information and answers and it came to me that the best way to handle it was to act like I was still out and see if anyone showed up. It was a nice plan but apparently I was being monitored because the lights came on nearly blinding me and a voice spoke. Feminine but commanding.

“Awake at last I see.”

I was gagged, so conversation was out.

“Mr. Raby, I want you to know it has been very difficult to arrange this meeting between us.  Very expensive.  I would like to have  conversation with you but I need some sort of assurance you won’t level my place to the ground.  You can see my point can’t you?”

I nodded and smiled behind the gag. Damn Skippy, lady if my hands were free a lot of fires would be burning right now.  Not that I couldn’t with a little meditation start some right now. Best keep that little fact to myself until the opportune time.

“Good.  I will remove your gag if you promise me to hear me out.”

I nodded slowly and deliberately keeping my eyes shut to avoid them being blinded.

“Very well. Let’s see if you can be trusted.”

I few seconds later I heard a door open and managed a peek from under my eyelids. the door was actually behind me so I couldn’t see who came in.  The room itself was painted a dull grey and was untrimmed.   The floor was grey as well – concrete. I heard footsteps directly behind me and then they circled to my left an then a woman appeared in front of me.

She was probably a lot older than she looked.  You could tell by the eyes that were grey pools that had that ‘I have seen some shit’ look to them.She wore the emblem of House Venus on her red robes which, while flowing did little to hide her plunging cleavage or her midriff down to her navel. Curvy, sensual and her face was that cute heart shaped thing.  Red lips and perfect makeup.  Her hair was black as night and in a wavy manner flowed over her shoulders like a black waterfall.  She smiled and it was disarming. I had no idea what magic she specialized in so my mental exercise defenses were up.

“Here, let me remove that.”

She removed the ball gag. I flexed my mouth a bit to remove the stiffness.

“You know I have used these many times, but never experienced the ‘pleasure’ of one in my own mouth”

“Maybe we can hook up later and I will let you try it out.  You can bring that one.”

She laughed.  Is it possible to have feminine commanding laugh?  After hearing her – yes.

“Lunette said you were a sarcastic smart ass.”

“Better than being a dumb ass.”

She smiled again.

“Mr. Raby, as much as I appreciate the banter, I have a proposal to run by you and it is in your best interests to accept. Trust me on this. This is truly for your own good.”

“You know, I would really like to determine that for myself. But if it will get me down from here and my clothes returned that would be great.”

She looked down my body.

“Clothes? For a middle aged man I would say you are doing well. You are not shy are you?”

“No, part time nudist actually, It’s just you House of Venus types tend to look at men like they are a side of beef with a flesh dildo attached.  Makes me self-conscious”

She laughed again.  Despite the circumstances I liked it.

“Mr Raby, you do understand our house.  But where our my manners.  Lioness Harper.  Janice Harper.”

So, the Lioness of House Venus herself.  Oh, Lunette what have you dragged me into now?

“Well, I thought House Venus had a price on my head along with all the other houses.  This is an awkward moment for you.  I mean how the fuck do you expect to keep me a secret and alive in a House that has every reason to want me dead?”

“Because, we no longer desire you dead.  Rather, we wish to offer you a job.”

“Well, this is a hell of a interview. Don’t you have a bounty on the head of Lunette too, and aren’t you and the pixie world at war?  Fuck lady, what are you up to?”

“Trying to end the war and reestablish peace.  Mostly, I think this whole affair is stupid. I should probably tell you that the whole of the events that have befallen you this last few months since your wife’s death, were orchestrated in part by me.”

“Orchestrated?”

“Yes, the attack on you the restaurant. Raven’s little chat with you. The accident that caused the rerouting of the cars past the church.  I knew that those ghosts would resonate with you.  Lunette’s involvement.”

“Well, the church thing helped. The rest of it seems like throwing curves at me. Both politically and the ones attached to the female of the species. It definitely worked.  Here I am, now what?”

“I would like you to join the Revolution. I would like you to participate in faking your own death and joining this fight against the tyranny of the Council.  Once they are defeated, you could return to your family.  But to protect them they need to think you are dead.”

“That would be causing them a lot of grief and sorrow.”

“Yes, but the stakes are high and on your own you know that you will not last the year. The council fears you and they will eventually push to have you killed. If they at least think you are dead for a bit, you can start anew and on the down low.  You could fight with surprise and on your own terms again. Ed, you need friends and I need you to fight the Council.  I believe you are the one that can ultimately defeat them.  You are the one to tip the scales.”

“Seems like the fairy world could do that better than me. I mean you wizard types have always feared them and this war could do that job for you.”

“Except for one thing.  The fairy world is losing.  They are losing because their is imbalance.  The Red Tree Grove is gone.  Because of this, they are weaker than the mages this time have he upper hand in power.”

“Gone…but…how?”

“The dryad that was connected to the tree is gone. Over the last twenty years, it has faded, dying and just last year the power that was sustaining it finally collapsed completely.  The tree is gone and the grove.  That’s why we need mages to turn to revolutionaries. That’s why we need you.  Otherwise the council will enslave or destroy all other magical creatures.”

I stood dumbfounded for a minute. Fuck, she was right.  The Council would either destroy all magical beings that could destroyed or enslave them.  Pixies for instance would be pleasure slaves to feed the magical power of the mages. Dammit.  No choice.

“OK, I’m in.”

“Really, Lunette said you could be persuaded, but I had my doubts.  OK.  Let me get the key to your chains….”

Her voice trailed off at that point, because I cast a spell – no words, no gestures and the manacles sprang open to my knock spell. Lioness Harper looked dumbfounded as I rubbed my wrist a second.  Then I turned on my shield with my left hand and my flame in my right.

“Let’s be clear Lioness Harper.  If you ever chain, cage or otherwise imprison me again, I will be very pissed off.  You don’t want to see me pissed off.”

She nodded.

“Now, where are my clothes?”

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Of Wolves and Ravens – Love: Mutual Essential Happiness

Happy Tyr’s Day

Discussion:

I know I used a Robert Heinlein quote for the Pagan Pulpit this week, but I suppose it is also fitting that he comes up here, as love is the philosophical topic this week. Love for Heinlein was the idea that in order to be happy another person you cared for also had to be happy.  When both sides are concerned at this level with each others happiness, then love is there.

I feel the same trepidation in talking about Love as I do Fidelity.  I have never really grasped or been good at this love thing. Mostly because I am a little bit of a hopeless romantic when it comes to love. I have high ideals about it. I have discovered however that ‘love’ is not thought of as highly by others as myself. People use the word ‘love’ so often and so frequently it loses its meaning.

I find with love I represent the blundering idiot more than the person who understands it on a practical level.  Because of this, when love is lost by any cause, it hurts me – badly. It is in times like those that I find myself wishing my heart could be ripped out of my chest and removed all together.  Every time there has been that early struggle to just shut down all emotions completely and forever.  To go completely cold-blooded bastard, so I don’t have to be concerned with anyone’s happiness but my own.  But in the end the risk of love is far outweighed by the joys of it. At least when I find those joys.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

Needs (Geri):

I need love.  We all do.  As introverted and reclusive as I am, I find the need to feel that someone loves me.  I can face a whole day by myself and be happy with it, if I know someone loves me. I struggle with that though because my definition of love is so very high. My standards and expectations of love I receive is the same as I give to them.  If I am ‘all in’ with a person, I expect that in return and I need that to be true.

I need different kinds of love.  I need friendship, family love and the one I will be using the most in this post – love of the deepest nature with another human being.  In my case as a heterosexual male – love with a woman. It’s the love I need the most.

Wants (Freki):

I want love.  It has a lot of side benefits. For me, I find The Grey has no place in love. It isn’t there or does not affect me at all.  Love is the sunshine I keep in my heart where I smile even if the clouds are over me.  I can smile because the Grey has no power when I can feel that I am loved. When I know I am loved.  It is a want that is very strong, but it also makes me not think about what’s going on as much.

Reason (Huginn):

The wolves of love are easy.  The reason behind it is much harder. I have loved and lost several times both is romance and friendship.  Two times romantically were greatly significant to the point they were personally devastating.  I wrestle with the fact that I was ‘all in’ with these two women but it is clear by their actions, they were not.  It is hard when that other person’s happiness is so essential for your own, but then you come to the devastating realization that their happiness is not conditional on yours.  That takes some time to get over.

There is also trying to rebuild love. Yes, it is a real thing. Where history causes you to doubt love.   So you say it to each other multiple times every day, when you are alone you go through the box of all the notes she has sent you where she has written ‘I love you’.  You cuddle and kiss and make love and that phrase ‘make love’ has a whole new meaning because that is exactly what you are doing.  It isn’t about sex as much as making love.  To build it and surrounded it with wall and protect it.  It’s hard when you look at the damage at times, and see it is you who destroyed that part, and now you have to fix it. It is far easier to destroy than to build and that is especially true for love.

Wisdom (Muninn):

If experience makes one wiser, I can say for me love seems to be an exception to that rule. I find with love reason and wisdom seem to have little place. They probably should, but in truth we all seem to shoo the ravens away to follow our wolves of need and want. I can say that I am wise enough to really guard myself these days.  Despite my desires, I keep myself limited in who I love and why. I just know, if I am hurting I try to grasp love from somewhere and if the pain is high enough wisdom and reason are very hard to find. So, I try to deal with reducing the pain to stay in fidelity.

I suppose that is why when it comes to love I see that honor, courage and standing for truth are good emotional states as well as virtues.  Strong ones. They help with understanding love and keeping on the path despite my pain about it.  At the same time, it is this continued search for love that keeps me wandering and searching.

Conclusion:

Love is a funny thing.  It can scar you when you are the one concerned with someone else’s happiness, but they are not as concerned with yours.  But it also can bring joy, healing and strength when it is.  I don’t know if have really said much here.  I know there is a lot of emotion behind my words in this post today, but whether my philosophy behind love as a higher virtue is good I have no clue.  I am still learning.  As I said, I am a blundering idiot at times with love. But I keep walking trying to understand it.  I keep walking hoping to find the sunshine of love to keep my heart free from The Grey.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Epic Struggle (Part 1)

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

In Norse Mythology Loki has three children with a giantess who, as one would expect are not exactly nice children.  They are Fenrir, Jormungand and Hel.  Fenrir is the wolf that will swallow Odin.  Jormungand is the serpent who will be both defeated by Thor and be Thor’s demise.  Hel is the Ruler of Helheim and the end ruler of all people who die of natural causes. This week I am going to talk about the epic struggle I am having and use all of these as metaphors.

Fenrir is the wolf that will end it all at Ragnarok.  He will swallow both Odin and the Sun according to the mythology and end what was to change it into something new.  He is the wild foundation of nature kept now in invisible chains until he gets loose and destroys that which gives all life (the sun) and destroys all knowledge, reason and strength. (Odin).

My Fenrir is that which would cause me to compromise my inner sense of value, to act in fear or lie to protect myself.  Fenrir represents the forces of my life that would cause me to compromise my foundation.  Something I cannot afford to do.  To keep him in his chains and prevent him, from a long a possible, doing so is my goal with my Foundational Virtues.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

I have struggled with Honor the past few days.  I am starting to get frustrated as to how little is happening in my life right now. The fact is this blog and doing the necessary things in life are difficult for me.  I don’t like my mental state right now about myself or my future. Fenrir threatens to engulf me. I cannot let that happen.

The blog continues to be my way of keeping to the path more than anything else.  I have found that there is an honor in creation and the discipline if sitting down to write every day keeps things remotely focused at least.  I want to get back walking and training for that long hike too.  I need more tools in my box to fight The Grey.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

Courage is not as great a problem as Honor.  I feel like though Perseverance and Courage are overlapping right now.  I keep getting up, doing what I need to do each day, hoping it will get better. I am not sure sometimes if my getting up every morning is and act of courage, perseverance or both some days. The thing I am determined to do is outlast my own personal Fenrir.  The Valkyries can have me but not him.  I will work very hard to never be afraid of him.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

I find myself silent a lot. Nuff’ Said.

I have written down many ideas for my non-fiction book.  The problem is the one theme that comes up over and over again is to write a book about religion and what a fraud it is. I also find the Nine Noble Virtues as a theme. I don’t know if either one of these is valid.  I am trying to be respectful of people who are religious, but at the same time I the fraud and bullshit of it all should be confronted and boy could I do that job. Particularly with Christianity.

Latin is probably going to have to be reserved for a three times a week thing on the weekly routine.  It takes up a lot of time than I expected but I have enjoyed the opening thoughts behind why I should learn Latin.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I am writing on Love tomorrow for Of Wolves and Ravens.  I will save most of my thoughts until then.  Love though is keeping me going right now at times.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Breakfast, Medications and Supplements.
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

This is working well,  I had no problems with it this week.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Walking On

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

Happy April Fools.  That said you won’t get an April fools joke from me. I prefer a more traditional approach to All Fool’s Day.  Everything backwards or upside down.  Next year this will be my day to do something out of character and do something truly risk taking.  Smoke a Joint, Get Drunk, Go to a nudist resort, etc.  Something where I throw the virtues to the wind for one day and live life a little risky. Something where the socially unacceptable becomes normal for one day.  I have a year to plan it so this should be interesting.

This year, however, today marks the second day of my ‘walking on’  I have realigned my compass, taken a look at my map and conformed a more clear route and I am now taking steps on it. Journey of Life resumed.

Implementing everything is going to probably take the entire week to really get going.  I have tested the morning routine and it is solid like before. Now I have three days off from work from Tuesday to Thursday where I plan on implementing the rest. The problem of course with it is things need to be set up for some things to be routine. Learning Latin. for instance needs a little work to decided how to proceed step by step o the days off will allow me to do that. By the end of the week I should have all of that done and be moving forward.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

I feel valued these days at work and by the few friends I have left. I feel positive about my future. I sometimes struggle with myself.  Throwing off the whole light verses darkness thing and just being a man walking in life as a human being has been a difficult but necessary transition.  It is also one where I feel far more at peace.

The daily blogging hits a half a year with this post. A milestone for which I am giving no fanfare. Half a year to go. To be ready for the hiking trip is going to require training and acquiring some gear. Planning and scheduling.  My walks at least three days a week are the first steps.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

The concept of fear being a choice has changed a lot of things for me. Danger is a real thing but fear is a reaction that can be controlled. I have a lot of things to do that will require courage in the next few months so I need to keep making these choices.

I did make one change to the goal here to make it one a year for the bucket list as many of my bucket list items are now more long-term goals. I actually have two that need to be completed by next year at this same time so this should be easy.  Hungary and Budapest awaits, but it will probably be a few years yet.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

Honesty is really not my problem.  Bluntness is. I am glad I added the part about learning to be silent in the presence of Fools.  I find myself getting involved in less and less social media discussions. If it wasn’t for writing and memes I might not be involved at all anymore.

The writing schedule will be two days a week on the non fiction book (because it is a goal) and one day on the novel (because it is a bucket list item).  I had to dust off the Latin books and read the “How to do this’ section but I am starting to take baby steps.

Higher Virtue: Love:

When comes to Truth, Courage and Honor, I am definitely adding the notion of love here as I ask how these three express love all the time. It is a guiding virtue for me in these regards.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Breakfast, Medications and Supplements.
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

Love this now. It allows me to use the beginning of the day to think, plan an prepare. Not hard at all.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!