Love

“Counseling Thoughts” – The Rabyd Skald

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day!

I would normally be doing a Freya’s Chambers today but I need to do some more research on some things before I wrote about them.  Part of the problem is my thoughts are a jumbled mess since meeting with both my job coach and my therapist on Wednesday so I feel the need to write about this at least in general terms.  It is not really a The Grey and The Wayfarer kind fo post.  More of thoughts being conflicted sort of post so I am trying to sort them out by writing about them.

Every time I think about the job situation it brings up a whole pack of emotions because of the fact that my last church fired me instead of accepting my resignation so it leaves my job history with a huge hole. Of course, I don’t feel I want to use any of those people as contacts for new jobs because I clearly can’t trust them.  That resource is gone and so I am now painfully aware I need to do something very uncomfortable for me which I build my network back up and that means talking to people about what they do and seeing if it fits me. I am just not very good at just starting cold conversations like that.

I am creating multiple prototypes of my life to come but all of them require either moving to the one place I still have contacts and that is not going to sit well with my wife and perhaps even my family.  I WANT a completely fresh start just to move on.  Just to have the feeling that I am not going to run into somebody I know and have to explain things all over again.   I won’t have the fear of running into Miss Salty or the Dirty Pig because I still don;t know how I would react to either. I just to be with my best friend and start over in a new place with new people.  This involves a big move literally and figuratively.

I don’t know how to express this any way that is spoken, so I write about it and I am trying to be careful about being open about what I talk with my therapist about in detail but the fact that I continue to struggle with doing what would make me happy versus what makes everyone else happy has become the BIG struggle of my life. This is my frost giant to fight right now. The problem is sometimes I see the face of the frost giant and it’s my own.

Part of me died with my faith, but it keeps acting like a ghost to haunt and attack my thoughts and feelings.   I am trying to bring new life to the place of deadness, but to me, that means a lot of new things need to happen and soon.  As an atheist, life is much more precious to me now realizing it will be the only one I get and is finite. I want my own happiness to be central and I want to do all I can to secure it.  I just don’t feel that will ever happen if the situation does not change drastically.

Both my job coach and my therapist have helped me sort out my own thoughts on this and for that, I am very grateful.  I truly think people should get over the stigma of therapy.  I am glad to have it. I have to thank The Clergy Project for that.

Thanks for reading this very personal post but it needed to be done.  My writing has stimied and so has my reading.  Sometimes getting things off my chest helps.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Viking Virtues – Part 1” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Journal Entry:

As I begin the first journal post of the year, I am glad to find myself discussing the virtues of Asatru directly.  If I find anything that is with me at the beginning of the year it is not so much as to make resolutions ( I didn’t and don’t) but to renew my resolve.  I have never been one to just hope events will change my lifestyle but rather work every day to improve myself and be better than I was the day before.  That is why I journal on this blog and why my goals and bucket list items are regular parts of my life. The point of them is to keep my resolve into achieving more each day.

Honor, Courage, and Truth are foundational because they represent things that hold up the rest.  While the other virtues are more active, these are a constant force that underlies every decision and action I make. They are core.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).  (achieved)

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

Honor and Respect are the qualities that I need in my life.  I have found other things are much more valuable and profitable when I value and honor myself. Honor is something that is the greatest struggle for many and I am no exception.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

I still find myself holding back regarding certain people and ideas. I just need to find a little more steel to put in my veins. The iron of heart.  There are some discussions that need to take place.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Honestly Pursue, Accept and Speak Truth to All who will Listen.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in the year 2020.

Speaking the truth to myself is the hardest.  I wonder sometimes if that fucker listens to himself. But in the end when accepted the greatest freedoms arise.  Truth is valuable and I need to see that again.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I need to love myself.  That is all that needs to be said.

Morning Routine:

  1. Stretching / Yoga
  2. Shower, Personal Hygiene, Breakfast, Morning Meds.
  3. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  4. Meditation – 5 min.
  5. Check Communications and Email.
  6. Paper Journal: Update To-Do List.
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

I like it now and so far so good.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“My Morning Routine” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Journal Entry:

My daily routine is shit these days.  I hate the holidays and I need more things to be habits rather than struggles. This is why I added a week to specifically discuss routine because it is the key to a better future.  Life has a way of passing and how we control what happens to our time and what we spend our time on is important.  For me, this is particularly true.

My morning routine is pretty messed up at times.  It is simply the fact that I need to spend more time doing other things at this time of year. I really wish I had a job that had a more stable schedule as this would help all my routines but the morning routine is simply a matter of me getting up and doing what needs to be done. Not just that but what needs to be done in terms of keeping myself balanced emotionally and that starts with meditation.  Something this last month I have struggled with.

I think this stems from my atheism.  Meditation seems too ‘spiritual’ even though I know it has psychological benefits that have nothing to do with divine anything.  It can feel like my old religious past and that is something I find distasteful anymore. But virtue is true regardless of religion and I know when I am meditating regularly, I am more stable emotionally.  This is the part of my morning routine I need to make more consistent and I think that it will require a meditation altar and a consistent form.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).  (achieved)

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

My morning routine is probably the thing that develops honor in myself more than any other time.  It is about me finding balance and strength and being prepared for the day.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

I know of no routine that prepares one for the necessity of courage other than to meditate on courage.  That is definitely why meditation is important.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Honestly Pursue, Accept and Speak Truth to All who will Listen.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in the year 2020.

The reading and writing as part of my daily routine need to be more solid.  Too many things hinge on them.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I recently heard a speaker via YouTube make a simple statement that learning to love oneself is key to everything and that one should take the chance and love yourself first and then the rest will flow out of that.  I couldn’t agree more but my personal struggle has always been to put myself on the back burner for others.  Finding balance here is the key and routine is the process of turning that key.  Of spending time on what is important to me.

Morning Routine:

  1. Stretching / Yoga
  2. Shower, Personal Hygiene, Breakfast, Morning Meds.
  3. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  4. Meditation – 5 min.
  5. Check Communications and Email.
  6. Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

There is no need to change this.  There is a need to be more consistent in doing it. But that is probably true for all my routines.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Epilogue I” – Rogue Wizard – The Fire of Fury – Part 23

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sol’s Day!

Rogue Wizard’s Journal – November 6th, 2019

Currently, we are in the basement of an old burned-out farmhouse.  The place is actually quite nice and hidden by magic.  An old safehouse according to Lunette. it is pretty much a well-hidden magical apartment with three bedrooms, a couple baths, and a living and dining room area next to the kitchen.  We are quite comfortable and using only one bedroom at present.

When I came to, Amber was there to greet me and my tears about Elpis’ death.  Lunette was on a scouting run trying to get some information from her sources.  When she got back and heard my tale she started to weep herself.  I don’t think I ever saw Lunette and Elpis get along and Lunette had a lot of reasons to dislike and even hate her, but in the end, it was the last link Lunette had to her past much like me and she knew it.  Needless to say, I held a sobbing pixie while I cried with her for about ten minutes.

Amber for her part tried to comfort us both and the whole thing kind of delayed Lunette’s report.  When she finally calmed down she took a deep breath and reported the following:

  1. The fight we had with the Death Angels had been observed by other agents of the Council and it was truly believed that I was dead. No one survives as death bolt. My case file was closed.
  2. While the Council was interested still in finding Lunette, they had bigger fish to fry after my death and so she was to be left free for a time.
  3. Despite Amber’s defense of me, it was ruled she was acting according to the Lioness’ directive so she was under orders to protect me which she could not shirk.  The council simply ruled that House Venus would decide her fate, but no word had come what the Lioness would do.
  4. The war was going badly for both sides as the casualties were mounting.

‘You’re dead Edward.”

I did a quick divination connection check on the letter I had dropped and it was still hidden.  My magic hadn’t kicked in for death so I was dead to the magical world, but the real one still hadn’t been informed. I wasn’t dead according to magic.

“Yeah, but I will still just be a missing person’s case to my family.”

Lunette spoke very directly, ” You need to keep it that way, at least until the rebels win against the two sides.  You need to go into deep hiding for a while.”

“But the rebellion will need us.”

“No, don’t you see. Elpis gave you a gift of more than your life.  She gave you the possibility of a new one.”

Amber spoke, “Yes.  But in truth, she gave us all a chance at that.  A pixie and her female lover are not going to be much on the radar of either side if they are both outcasts. Especially if both sides think we are too far distraught from losing you.”

“But, Elpis told me to love you both and let you love me.  You are not just proposing I hide but that we separate.  I don’t know if I could take that right now.”

“You have to for a little while.  Until you find a place that is safe from discovery and then we can join you.  If the Council is defeated, then we will all be safe to come back together. We will know you are safe and how to find you with the tattoos.”

We argued well into the night, but I had to eventually agree with both of them. They insisted that I recover, but I am fine.  I just need to prepare for a long time away from my girls and to find a place where I will be safe.

I don’t know about this.

Writer’s Notes:

I am going to wrap this series up by the end fo the month latest. I will probably replace it after I finish Space Tramp as well.  My main issue is to wrap up some loose ends in this series and then finish Space Tramp as well and then move on to something else.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Before and After” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 24

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Woden’s (Odin) Day!

This post is a little later than usual because I am doing a little bit of an experiment with it.  In about a half-hour, my therapist and I will be meeting via Skype and we will be hopefully discussing some of my issues so what you are getting with this installment is The Grey and The Wayfarer ‘before and after’.  So the part marked ‘Before’ is what I was thinking before I went into session and the part marked “After” is my thoughts as I reflected on them after the session.  It has really been up and down these last two weeks so I need to talk about that.

Before:

The issues I want to discuss in this session are the main two of my marriage and identity.  In the issue of my marriage, there are some things I need to discuss with my wife and my therapist is going to help me, according to our last session, as to how to approach this discussion as I am a little apprehensive of talking about the specific issues.  It’s weird because this isn’t about sex or intimacy but more about common goals, vision and what are we going to do now. What are we now with our values shifting in different directions and the objective for our lives shifting.

The second issue of identity is one of trying to figure out what I am now that I am both an atheist and no longer a pastor.  Part of this is career issues that my job coach is helping me with and I will talk on that at a different time.  This is deeper than that.  More of a foundational question.  My hope is there will be some insight as the last two sessions have been more of me talking and her digesting things and coming to understand my situation.  Hopefully, she has some wisdom, because right now I could use some and I am starting to feel confined and trapped by the situation.  That’s before.  See what happens and then I will write an after and then post both.

After:

Things worked as I think she guided my own thoughts into doing what needs to be done.  I need to really think about a direct course of designing my life as far as what I am going to be while having options.  My primary identity is being a writer, but it is going to be my second one which can be multiple things that will define me as far as other people are concerned for a while.

Also, we talked about Christmas and the family mostly.  I just don’t want it to be drama, but I also have the task of telling people I don’t pray anymore over the meals.  It’s more about celebrating the season of Yuletide and being with the kids and grandkids as much as possible. I am just there to enjoy, not be the spiritual master of ceremonies.

Of course, we talked about my marriage and all I will say about that is that a conversation between us needs to take place soon.  No more there, as no one else needs to know yet what is going on. I just now have it very clear that before the new year my wife and I need to talk about some things. ‘Need’ being the keyword.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Year’s End” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Journal Entry:

It should be noted, that for me new years and years end from a calender sense do not mean as much to me. My philosophy has always been that the day you are thinking about doing something is the day to act on it.  If you wait till later, it will fade and you will find yourself not doing it.  My year cycle goes from April to March which coincides with my birthday.   That is mostly about the assessment of progress and making adjustments to goals and my bucket list.

That said as I am starting to look back at 2019. I can say at least it wasn’t shitty for me.  Not what I wanted completely but it didn’t suck like 2018 or cause grief like 2017.  The two things that bother me right now is I felt I would have a new job by now and that I would have crossed at least one thing off my bucket list by now.   The deadline is March 2020, but those were the things I wanted to get off my list before the end of 2019.

I suppose it could still happen but I am thinking it will be early 2020 that those things will happen and so 2019 has been the same ole for the entire year.  It is the part I have found most frustrating.  But this week is about looking at my bucket list and I am trying to remind myself that I still have three months left.  it really isn’t ‘year’s end’ for me yet.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).  (achieved)

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

The real issue here is once I  get a new job, I want to start planning on how to gain the hiking equipment I need to start planning for day hikes, weekend hikes and eventually this hike. As a hobby, hiking is less expensive than most but getting good durable equipment will be my first issue.  After that its all about planning and getting some experience.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

Money rears its ugly head on this item too.  I mean vacations are not that difficult to save for if you have some disposable income.  This has a ten-year time limit; well, nine years now.  I suppose this year’s end is a reminder that the clock is ticking.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Honestly Pursue, Accept and Speak Truth to All who will Listen.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in the year 2020.

This is a new item and begins at year’s end.  I need to start planning this one out at least a month at a time.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I think for the purpose of self-love, I need to have a bucket list item crossed off very soon. I need 2020 to be a good year.  I really need that at this point.

Morning Routine:

  1. Stretching / Yoga
  2. Shower, Personal Hygiene, Breakfast, Morning Meds.
  3. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  4. Meditation – 5 min.
  5. Check Communications and Email.
  6. Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

My routines are good and next week I will look at them specifically.  But mostly it is the execution that needs to be better.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Ghost Dryad” – Rogue Wizard – The Fire of Fury – Part 22

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sol’s Day!

Rogue Wizard’s Journal – November 5th, 2019

Yesterday I spoke about what happened according to my girls after I was hit with the death spell by the necromancer Death Angels.  I need to now speak about what happened to me while unconscious because it needs to be written down before the nature of it slips away.   Before my emotions about it swallow up the memory of it.

I spoke before of how my consciousness slipped away and I fell down ‘dead’.  I found though that I was not feeling too much death, but rather peace and love. It was a strange feeling and then as I lay there with my eyes closed I heard a voice.

“Edward”

I knew that voice instantly and in my excitement, my eyes fluttered open.  I was shocked at what I saw because I wasn’t in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan anymore. I was in The Red Tree Grove.  Like it was when I was young.  Full of life, trees, ferns, birds, squirrels, and bright colors. There was the tree not too far away.  Large like an oak, but covered in red maple leaves and white birch like bark.  A truly unique tree. Majestic and making anyone standing next to it feel small and very young.

My eye focused however on the throne part of the tree was in front of.  There she was sitting – Elpis.  She was covered in the same birch park skin as the tree so it was hard at first to see her but the red hair like the color of the tree’s leaves set her off a little.

She stood up and walked toward me and as she did the bark skin was shed and revealed the naked woman beneath.  Her body was short but the kind of sensual curvy that made a lump in my throat every time. Large breasts with cute nipples and nice curvy backside.  Her round face dripped innocence but eyes that were deep and spoke of long years of life but youth at the same time. Her hair was brown, but it could have been any color she liked.  She changed the color and length often.  Her smile beamed right into my heart.

She was not so much the gorgeous dryad of legend but the young teen girl and ancient matron all rolled into one. The experience of meeting Elpis is something people do not forget. I know the first time I did, I fell hopelessly in love with her.

“Hello Edward, it is good to see you again. You got old. Still, look good though”

For the first time, I realized I was naked myself and for once felt old.  The last time I was in her presence I had been eighteen. Now my body had suffered the years of a few decades of mortality.  I hoped at that moment I wasn’t a disappointment to her. But there was an old deep emotion that began to take over in me.  I crossed the few feet that separated us and took her in my arms and hugged her.  Crushed her really and kissed her hard. When the kiss stopped I whispered in her ear.

“I love you.”

“I love you too Edward.”

She kissed me this time and then breaking away she took me by the hand and led me to the side of the tree where we used to make love.  She pulled me close to her and we made love again.  I will not speak of the details here.  That is my memory and one I will cherish for all my remaining life.  When we were done she spoke again as we lay in each other’s arms on the soft grass.

“Well Edward, you are still good at that. Better actually”

“I had a good woman teach me.  She was wonderful and gentle with me. I have missed her.”

Elpis teared up but then she took a breath and spoke.

“I don’t have much time. I can’t maintain this reality much longer and soon I will be gone. The powers have granted us this one moment to say goodbye for good.”

I began to cry and she took me in her arms again.

“I took the death ray for you, Edward.  I possessed you and took the death intended for you. You will live, but I am now finally dead and at peace.  My regret is that I will have to leave you behind again.  I don’t know if we will see each other again.  I don’t know so many things about what is after death.  I do know that you will go back to Lunette and Amber and you need to love them and let them love you.  The moment you live is all you really have so live life.”

“Elpis, there is so much I want to say.”

“Edward, sweet Edward.  There is no time.  ‘I love you’ is enough. close your eyes.”

I closed them reluctantly taking in one last look at Elpis’ face.

“I love you, Edward.”

“I love you, Elpis.”

I felt her lips against mine as we held each other in the grass and then the feelings of her body and lips next to mine faded away.  When I awoke, she and the grove were completely gone and I was laying on an open empty field that stretched as far as I could see. I began to weep. I wish things had turned out very differently. So much do I wish that.

It wasn’t but a few moments that I felt the tug of mortality pulling me back to the real world. When I woke up, I had Amber hovering over me and she started to cry as she held me.  I was crying too, but for a very different reason.

I am alive because of Elpis’ sacrifice.  I guess she lived up to her name after all by giving me hope in the midst of death.

I am a little emotionally distraught after writing this so I will break for now and try to write the rest tomorrow.

Writer’s Notes:

This was a hard part to write.  The emotions were pretty high on this one. Elpis is a character based on Miss Salty and the connection is very emotional.  I never built a  series like the Hedge Wizard of Redberg which contained: 1) Love for a woman, 2) My own life and 3) my favorite genre of fantasy fiction – urban fantasy.  It was a labor of love for someone and I never have done that before.  It ended abruptly when the whole affair between Miss Salty and I came to light.  I had to literally delete the blog and everything on it because people were reading it as reality. 

Which is why I make this final note. There is no love scene in either the Hedge Wizard of Redberg or Rogue Wizard that has ever been real.  They are fantasy, perhaps longing and desire at times, but never real life. 

Now, I truly do need to take a break.  But I wanted to send Elpis off as she deserved –  a heroine with a deep love for Edward at the end. As a character, she was a labor of love I will never forget. I did weep like this when Miss Salty left me and now I will probably at least cry again.  There are a few more scenes to Epilogue this series and bring closure, but Elpis had more act to play and I sent her out the way I wanted to, the way she deserved, and not by someone else’s hand.

Elpis means “Hope”.  

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“True Satisfaction” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Journal Entry:

I guess coming off industriousness yesterday that is still a theme running in my head. Most notably, that I need to get a little more aggressive in going after what I want asf ar as goals.  I no longer believe that ‘godliness with contentment is great gain’.  That’s a good saying to keep the masses under control, but it is not true.  Mostly, those that work hard, focus on their goals and go after them that are successful.

Reviewing my goals is the issue this week for A Skald’s Life and thankfully there are fewer of them.  Down to five left and so that means I can focus more time on each one of them. Hopefully, the help I receive now will aid in that as well.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).  (achieved)

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

Goal Achieved

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

Crossing something off my bucket list is easily down with a small significant amount of cash to get a tattoo. A new job would go a long way toward this and that is one of my other goals.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Honestly Pursue, Accept and Speak Truth to All who will Listen.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in the year 2020.

If I stick with my word count for the rest of the year, one book will be finished in all probability by March.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Much fo my counseling and talk about a career is about finding a new identity.  Every time a goal falls off I feel a little love for myself and I know this overall theme of finding identity is wrapped up in a lot of goals for the year.  I may be a wanderer of life, but I need mile markers to tell me I have passed a certain direction with progress.  This is key to loving myself and so goals are a necessary and important tool.

Morning Routine:

  1. Stretching / Yoga
  2. Shower, Personal Hygiene, Breakfast, Morning Meds.
  3. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  4. Meditation – 5 min.
  5. Check Communications and Email.
  6. Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

I need to get back to his more consistently.  It seems like my discipline these days waxes and wains and that is symptomatic of The Grey.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Matters of Principle” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Journal Entry:

This week is a week of reexamining principles.  I have no doubt that there will be changes but what they will be I am not sure.  Mostly though principles are short reflections that guide my own understanding of the Nine Noble Virtues. They feature prominently in my meditations.

Mostly though I am using this week to reflect as during holiday weeks like this one I have a lot to think about because holidays mean something far different to me right now which I am still discovering.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).  (achieved)

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

No changes.  This has always been a good principle to guide me when it comes to honor.  As slippery as honor can be, this seems to give me some traction when it comes to meditating on it.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

No problems with this one and I consider this principle one of my best as it is short and two the point.  My meditations on courage are often the best because of it due to this simple principle.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Honestly Pursue, Accept and Speak Truth to All who will Listen.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in the year 2020.

This was pretty much a complete rewrite as the old principal was wordy and two phrases. This sums it up better and shortens it.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Love’s principle is undefined.  Partly because love as a virtue is so large and encompasses many things, mostly though the priority of loving myself first is a big change for me and I have to work at it.

Morning Routine:

  1. Stretching / Yoga
  2. Shower, Personal Hygiene, Breakfast, Morning Meds.
  3. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  4. Meditation – 5 min.
  5. Check Communications and Email.
  6. Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

I am thinking there will be a week where I specifically address my routines as well.  But so far this one works.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“The Edge of Death” – Rogue Wizard – The Fire of Fury – Part 21

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sol’s Day!

Rogue Wizard’s Journal – November 4th, 2019

The last few days are a blur and it is probably going to take a few journal entries to sort out.  Of course, by seeing this entry you know that I survived the encounter with the Death Angels on Halloween Night.  I will note so none worry, that Amber and Lunette are also with me.  We are all alive and in a new place.  That said, I don’t think I will be the same again.  None of us will.

The Battle was one of the closest I had ever been in.  There were as far as we can tell six Death Angels.  According to Lunette and Amber, there were three men and three women.  I only got to see two because it is the one I fought and the one who hit me with the death spell that I noted.  The girls were busy with the other members of the Council’s death squad. The one that was immediate in my face was a man and he had bad breath and came with a hoard of rats that he used to tap into his powers.  He was wielding a sword made of magic – the green shit of the movies.

Honest and he came at me full speed and it was all I could do to hold the porch of the cabin against his attacks which were rapid and continuous.  I could see Amber burning something out of one corner of one eye and Lunette doing her pinball thing out fo the other.  But it was a full-time shield act to keep this guy from landing a blow plus keep his rats away from biting my ankles.  My whole attention was focused on this guy and that is what lead to my downfall.

I heard the death spell being chanted and could not do anything about it.  I backed up a little to the edge of the door and then I could see her.  Pale as shit and skyclad.  Her alabaster body was beautiful as was the rest of her and her hair long and pure white. Her one hand was extended toward me and she was chanting the Death Spell, the other hand was wrapped around the neck of a young teenage girl.  The sacrifice for the spell.

I could do nothing except strengthen my shield and hope that one fo the girls helped my ass. But no help came and the spell steaked like a bolt of eldritch green from her hand and hit me square in the chest.  At the last minute though, I felt something strange and yet loving; it made me feel at peace.  As I fell, I could feel my shield slipping as death came over me. I lost consciousness and dropped to the floor of the porch.  It was the last thing I remember of the fight.

According to the girls, they saw what was happening too late and then when I fell they got pissed.  Lunette literally when psycho at that moment and streaked off at the naked witch. When she struck she didn’t hold anything back and literally started to do her pinball thing and hitting hard enough to break bones.  Amber for her part let loose a fireball on two necromancers she was fighting with and I guess it burned them to a cinder where they stood. In a matter of seconds, it was two on three.

The other two Lunette had been dealing with turned tail including the guy we had seen in town.  Lunette turned her attention to rat necromancer and because his rats couldn’t fly like she could, she made short work of him.  The snap of his bones as she struck was audible to all.   According to Amber, she was screaming rage the entire time. Amber for her part concentrated a fireball in her hands for a few seconds and let fly after the last two and when it struck the scream echoed in the night. 6-1 our win, but I was down.  Lunette steaked to my side and grew full-sized ripping her miniature garment to tatters.

Amber and Lunette examined me.  Probably crying their eyes out but neither girl spoke to me about that.

“Lunette, I can still feel him.  He isn’t gone.”

Puzzled, Lunette reached out with her tattoo and confirmed I wasn’t dead.  But I wasn’t alive either. They checked on the teenage girl and she wasn’t dead either.  Barely alive.

According to the girls, they acted quickly gathering up our stuff, throwing everything into the pickup.  The placed me and the girl in the back and took off.  They left the girl in town on a park bench and called 911 and then took off again.  Lunette knew a place that might be safe so she was determined to get to it and find out what happened with me.

What did happen to me?  I need to think about it before I write about it.  But I can tell you, I have many life-changing events and this is definitely in the top three.  I will relay this tomorrow.  The emotions of this whole thing are still pretty strong.

Writer’s Notes:

Two to one is a fair fight with my trio.  If there is one weakness I have in real life it is a lack of speed.  This played into the story.  I prefer to think things out, create a plan and execute.  In a situation where I can’t do that, its full-on defense and wait until I can.  Yeah, that gets you busy and then dead if you’re facing as deadly an opponent as the Death Angels. 

My emotions are real on this one and the couple to come. Particularly the next one.  

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!