Happy Thor’s Day
It is hard to believe but I haven’t written a The Grey and the Wayfarer post since early Yuletide. I have been busy enough; I think, to keep The Grey at least in check in my life and continue to walk the path. Recent days have seen a change in my mind I guess and mostly it is due to the fact that at this time last year, I began to start a time of year that is now a bittersweet memory. Mostly bitter in the end. It is not just a time of memory and struggle for me, but for my wife as well. There is a flood of emotions about these memories for both of us and they run the whole spectrum, but mostly I notice that they have a depressive effect for me.
I think the best way to walk this path through The Grey is to firstly know that these memories are not just going to go away. Ignoring them will not help me; nor will pretending they do not exist. That just leads to a worse mental state and that is not going to help. There is a lot of guilt associated with many of them now, and I need to work through them to get over that. Personally, I know it is going to be rough but I need to walk through it to make myself a better man on the other side of it.
The second thing I think needs to happen is that new good memories need to be created. I have two significant milestones coming up during this time: 1) My 50th birthday – personally I don’t care if it celebrated, and I am not sure given last year who would come to such a thing, but it is a significant thing to be a half a century old. 2) My wife and I will celebrate our 30th anniversary on June 10th. Given that we spent last anniversary apart, I think it is very important that we celebrate this one and do it together. I guess I would rather see a celebration here by family as well for a lot of reasons. Mostly we need a celebration of our love for each other.
In the meantime, every day is a journey of another step toward where I want to be. There are many forks and crossroads ahead. I need to make wise decisions as to which path to take. The problem of course with The Grey, and why I am taking it pretty seriously right now, is that it is like an overcast sky that can make the things unclear and not as illuminated as they could be as I choose which path to take. It is why I stick to my plans and goals with discipline, despite what I feel at times, so I keep moving.
The one writing note I have at this time is that I am planning on doing some fiction writing soon. It has just been a little difficult to get my Muse to kick my ass into gear about it. I don’t know, she might be asleep or on vacation. In any case though, I have a lot of time off from work next week; and unless that changes, I plan on filling that with school, continuing my job search and writing fiction.
Thanks to all that read this blog. You are appreciated.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.