Month: November 2018

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Getting Specific

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

It is in moments of crisis that the Routines and Goals you have keep you focused and allow you to chart a course through it.  This week I have had my car breakdown and come to the realization once again that my employer, a company I have worked for before, is questionable in regards to backing me up.  I really hate working for other people.  You are just vulnerable to their whims and it sucks if they clearly are more about the bottom line, than taking care of their people.

So, I refocus on my goals and readjust my plans. I mentioned though that my goals list is a little non-specific and that needs to change.  I usually discuss my goals under Business virtues but I think in order to do that I need to make the changes to being more specific now.

Goal List (current): 

  1. Strengthen Marriage
  2. Finish my Political Science Degree
  3. Advance Career
  4. Monitor and Control Finances
  5. Write for my Blog  – 1 post per day average.
  6. Exercise
  7. Follow a Solid Diet Plan
  8. Create and work a Bucket List.

I also want to add a goal about my 50th birthday (March 18, 2019) which is to be in the best health possible.  So a little revision:

Goals List (revised): 

  1. Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
  2. Graduate with Political Science Degree in December 2018.
  3. Find a new, better paying job by the end of January 2019 or before.
  4. In 2019 have  a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
  5. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  6. Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
  7. Follow Paleo Diet completely and use intermittent fasting until the end of 2019
  8. Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)
  9. Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.

I am hoping with these goals being more specific with measurable, deadline oriented results, things will go much better. This will be the goal list from now on and appear every Wednesday on Business Virtues.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

I have some recent challenges to this feeling of self-value.  I can’t go into details but the closure thing is still weighing heavy as well as trying to find something that give’s me value to myself. I have had to look to the future to find things that are positive, because the current situation in a lot of ways has become difficult suddenly.

I am working on being positive. I just get tired sometimes about the setbacks. I would just like things to go really well for once.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Have to say some things to my boss as early as possible this week. Things need to be clearly understood. I know what needs to be done and what the right things is so all that is left is to act.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

I am spending a lot of time in silence but there are those moments I know I need to say something.  That’s when courage comes in.  But the main thing is I need to get moving with pursuing what I need to pursue.  Facing the truth of my situation and doing something about it.

School needs to be a love for the truth,  I feel my blogging needs to head that direction as well. Finding truth, knowledge and wisdom is something I have always had as a part of my life and I think this should never change.  I want to be learning something on my deathbed, if it comes to that.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals
  3. Review Bucket List
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Meditate on One of the Virtues
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

This is the one thing that is going well. Very well.  Probably the meditation could be a little more formalized but other than that, I feel good about everything here.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

By setting a goal of accomplishing one thing on my bucket list every six months, I have kind of raised the bar here.  The question is which ones to work on every six months.  My best strategy might be to work on a few of them at all times.  If I were to pick the low hanging fruit of this list right now it would be to get my tattoos, get drunk, smoke a joint (more possible given that Michigan legalized recreational use) and write my novel. It’s doesn’t mean I won’t work on the rest, I am just actively trying to get one finished.  My first deadline is July 1st of 2019, so on these I have a little more time.

Recent events have reminded me of the reasons I wanted to start my own business.  There is a vulnerability in working for someone else that has just become unacceptable to me.  I don’t want to be put into a position where I must accept retirement or less hours, layoff, etc.  I want to be my own boss.  I know that has risks, but I would rather be at my own mercy than someone else’s.

Weightlifting:

My major concern here is my current gym might close.  I also have to think about where I might be in the future.  When it comes to gyms I have had to acknowledge that I am up in the air here for a lot of reasons, most notably is that I don’t know where I am going to be working.  My life is changing chapters and part of that is that my gym may very well change.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Pagan Pulpit – Freddie Mercury – Actually Genuine

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sun’s Day

Announcements:

We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.

We also don’t take an offering here.  We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it.  Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it.  Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.

See the source image

Today’s Pagan pulpit celebrates the life of  man who probably was the best front man in Rock and Roll ever.  Period.  Given that a movie has been recently released about his life, it is only fitting that on this day the Pagan Pulpit pays tribute to the front man of the legendary rock band Queen – Freddie Mercury.

Opening Song: Hammer to Fall – Queen:

I start with a lesser known song by Queen.  Don’t get me wrong this song is known, but it’s just a straight rock song.  It is Rock n Roll of the era and actually stands out because of it.  Queen was a rock band that defied genre classification because every song was so different.  This one is classic rock and roll and  quite frankly really good rock and roll.  “To those that stand proud, in the shadow of the mushroom cloud.”  Cold War Song as well and one I relate to very well.

Poem:

See the source image

Not so much a poem this week as a quote about lyrics and poetry by Freddie.  I think in part nails the problem I had with poetry for years which was trying to find meaning in them instead of discovering it. Sometimes when looking at lyrics and poetry, it just hits you and that’s when you know what it means.

Meditation:

Image may contain: one or more people, text that says 'IF YOU'RE GONNA STAND STAND LIKE GIANTS. HUNDREDS.EMPIRE'

Song of Preparation: Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen:

I don’t really have to say anything here about Queen’s probably most recognized song and the most ironic.  It is because their producer wouldn’t do this song, Queen left him and went elsewhere and the rest if history.  Their magnum opus that moved them from being a rock band to a legend.

Text:

I am not afraid to speak out and say the things that I want to, or do the things I want to do. So I think in the end being nature and being actually genuine is what wins, and I hope it comes out in my songs.  – Freddie Mercury

Sermon:

As I read this quote I was struck by the phrase ‘actually genuine’.  I wish I could find such people or even better be such a person myself. It seems this world wants to tell you ‘be yourself’ until you actually do it and then the refrain becomes – “not like that.”  People don’t really mean that ‘be yourself’  what they mean is ‘be yourself as long as it doesn’t offend me’ or ‘stays within the normal parameters of what is acceptable’.

Freddie Mercury definitely hits the thing that people don’t like – someone who is actually genuine.  Someone who truly speaks their mind and are themselves.  He lived that and it made him remembered and legendary.

I think we all know what it takes to be successful, we all know what it would be to be truly ourselves.  Most of us chicken out because we perceive the cost becomes to great.  We settle.  People like Freddie Mercury shame us though – he didn’t settle. I think he wrestled with it the same as us, but he was not going to give up what he wanted to be or say just to please others.

I want to be like that.  I am tired of compromising what I say and do at times just so people like me. I want to be actually genuine.

Parting Song: Live Aid – Queen Full Concert – Queen: 

Probably the best live rock concert ever. Less than 25 minutes but no one who saw it live forgets it regardless if they were actually there or watched it on MTV. The Movie Bohemian Rhapsody takes out two songs but this is the actual tape of the whole thing.  Enjoy the ride.

See the source image

Objective achieved, Freddie Mercury.  Objective achieved.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Rogue Wizard: The Fire of Fury – Serial Introduction

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

I have longed to do another urban/modern fantasy series.  I love the thought of magic in the modern scientific world and what that could do to a story has always been a favorite concept.  I have done several things in this world backdrop and in my opinion some of my best writing is in this genre.

Using myself as the basis of a character is not new either, but I did go into that full-fledged in my last modern fantasy series – The Hedge Wizard of Redburg.  You can no longer read this, as I deleted the blog it was on and did not copy the content.  I wanted it lost forever other than memories of it still are in my head and perhaps the head of another. It was a labor of love and even though it was very good artistically, on personal level it needed to go.  It conjured up to many emotional conflicts in myself.

That said, it was good shit. Like high quality marijuana good shit. I mean it was some of the best writing have done to date and with a little polishing it could have been publishable.  Part of that was the love I put into it and I am trying to recover that but focus on the right person to love this time – my wife.  I want this to be a labor of love for her. The irony is she will not appear in it directly as that is another part of this experiment – learning to write out of love for my wife, while being able to write all kinds of things that don’t really involve her.  I am kind of taking a half way approach where I am in the story and not her.  Hopefully I can write later stuff without me or her in it and still be out of love for her.  I need her to be my muse and I think that this can be done by writing this series as a way to get that started.

How do I do this? Well, by doing a divergent time line for myself personally where she gets killed by the bad guys.  This provides my motivation to strike back – love for her causes me to become a rebel and strike against the wizard system of this world.  For this the Hedge Wizard becomes the backdrop canon for my background.  It will be mentioned infrequently and a couple of characters will make a reappearance.  Nothing emotionally challenging as all of them are fictional and not based on real people.  The Council, The Houses, the Faerie as well as all the rest will be there as they were.  I just want to save time there, but not bring up old wounds. So I am going to be pretty selective in how things take place and which characters get in this series and for what reason.  There will be a lot of new characters too.

The main character will be me. Well me in a different world, with a different timeline because of magic.  Names of people and places will be changed to protect the innocent and guilty and because this is really a true fantasy about a divergent timeline and the future, nothing is really based on real events.  It’s based on how I perceive I would react to being a wizard in the modern world and I had experienced a great tragedy.  What would I do if some one I love very much were to be taken away and the authorities could do nothing about it, but I had the power to do something about it?  It’s a moral question I will be asking throughout this series and the major theme.  That along with – How far would I be willing to go to get justice/vengeance? What happens as you grieve and work though it will be there too, and the struggle between a desire for justice and the guilt you feel for your own responsibility in the problem?

I want to emphasize this is an experiment and it might not work.  I hope if you read it; it is enjoyable to you.  My goal is to find that deep love for writing something because I have a deep love for someone.  I want that to start motivating all my writing. because for me it ups my game by 20 times or more.  It could also fail, so be advised this series could be short-lived or last for years.  I really don’t know.   There is also an element of writing for therapy in this and I can’t deny that if it works, then I might either slow down or speed up depending on the results.  This is one avenue that I have decided to use to get closure on some things so there is that emotional aspect.

Don’t worry, The Grey Wayfarer serial will also continue next week and I will make a point to write it every other week til the end of the year.  After graduation and finding a new job, I might write on it and this new one more often and I have other ideas.  For the first time in my life I am also seriously considering writing novels as a way to make money and so I will probably be working on my first one very soon after graduation.  I have thought of being a writer as a career and now it seems it’s a good time to test those waters as any.  I am hoping this experiment will lead to a high level of motivation and love for writing again. One that lasts.

So next week there will probably be a double dip of The Grey Wayfarer and Rogue: Wizard – The Fire of Fury. Then we will go from there.  Hope you enjoy it.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

 

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – The State of My Body

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal:

Well, with heart and mind finished it is time to turn to my body.  I must say when I look back at all the shit I went through this summer, I am glad I did focus on my body and health because it gave me a focus to work on through all that.  I still found a way to get to the gym regularly and I began to focus on nutrition.

I now hover slightly under 300 lbs.  I am six-foot four and I have lifted weights for a couple of decades, so I have a good deal of muscle mass, so I don’t think I will ever be able to drop below 250.  The lowest weight I achieved in the last ten to fifteen years is 285 and that was with a pretty extreme diet but it could have been tweaked because I still was eating a lot of carbs back then.  With my new diet, I am interested in seeing how low I can go now.

That said, my main measure of progress is not my weight.  It actually is standing naked in front of a mirror.  Yeah, that’s right because it’s the only way to give yourself and honest assessment and provide motivation.  You stand there until you can see clearly what the problems are and get mad enough to do something about them.  I still have three problems areas which are my inner thighs, my waistline and my pecs.  In the first and last of these there is a little fat still present but it’s surrounded by loose skin from the losses so far.  My waistline is definitely lighter but there is still room for progress.  Only time will tell if my skin will lay flat.

I as glad for the progress this summer but I am still making some now.  The real thing this summer was that my heart was wounded and my mind muddled but my body was doing good. It was getting stronger, leaner and feeling better.  It’s probably what kept me from completely losing it.

My diabetes was heading the right direction at my last checkup.  The real great unknown is that the only health coverage we could afford at the moment was something that covers if the shit hits the fan and not much else.  My doctor also has moved to clinic practice and I will have to find a new one anyway.  This is where I really need to find a new job and reassess things as far as health care, because I and my wife are at an age where things need constant monitoring at least a couple of times a year.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

There are two opposing views that work in my head all the time – The one in my head that says I can do better and the other one that says no one is perfect.  I believe in driving myself to be better, but acknowledging that Rome wasn’t built in a day, so it’s one step at a time thing.  So far I think that everything I can provide discipline for has it. I am constantly evaluating my development and how things are going.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

It could be said that I get up every time I fail.  That said, sometimes it can take a bit of time.  Time is not something I have a lot of these days.  It could be said that I am facing the crunch of the end of the semester and graduation looms, so as I also said on Monday watching my six a lot emotionally, so I don’t have a meltdown at the crucial time. Being able to take a hit and still be standing and moving forward is important right now and I need to be in that state of mind and heart.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

I get asked how thing are going between my wife and I from time to time. I can only say that we have our good days and bad but it’s more good than bad.  The observation I would make is that we are healing our marriage which both of us acknowledge was damaged by both of us which led to certain vulnerabilities.  It’s this process of learning to build again, to build loyalty between us and a wall around us that is our chief focus.

The situation kind of forces us to stick together. Thanks to the ministry, we are about 20 years behind all the rest of our friends of the same age as far as financial security.  Both of us have said it feels like we are back in Bible college times but we are older and wondering what time warp is this?  We either stand back to back or we are going to be in trouble, so that helps the fidelity question on our marriage.

The other areas of fidelity are solid and always have been at least on my side.  I actually have considered going through my friends list on Facebook and doing another purge.  There are just some people who are my ‘friends’ but I haven’t had any interaction with them for years. I keep my circle small.  I value loyalty as much as I try to give it.  I value it more than the number of friends I have.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

Seems solid other than when I have a class canceled or like this week my car breaks down and I had to skip a class, the walking needs and alternative.  Cleaning and Weightlifting will be finished Saturday so that is good.

Nutrition:

I have an intermediate goal that may find its way on to my goal list.  To be in the best shape possible for my 50th birthday which is in March. Nutrition is going to be a big part of that and I need to lock down my eating habits from now until then.  I have received more remarks this month than in a long time as to how much weight if have lost and how good I look.  A lot of that has to do with the Paleo Diet and intermittent fasting.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – My heart is a wreck still but I have made some progress in learning how to heal, the need to find closure has been identified and I feel that even though this section of the NNV is in some cases my weakest, it is getting better.

Business – Really this is just working things as I try to finish my school and get a better job.  It’s about working the early stages of the plan to set a foundation for prosperity.  My mind is coming into focus but it really still needs some work and I am trying to do that work better.

Self – This is the best area of my life right now.  I feel stronger, leaner and better physically than I have in years.  Discipline is returning to my life and I feel good about that.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Odin’s Eye – Why I am a Deist

/ Ed Raby Sr / 1 Comment

Happy Thor’s Day

Introduction:

I said for a long time that if I wasn’t a Christian I would be a Deist, because it is the most rational position because of the ignorance of mankind. We don’t know a lot of things, so to maintain that there might be a Divine power out there is simply a rational statement.  It’s possible and even atheists admit this. Most atheists aren’t screaming into the microphone that people who believe in the divine are stupid, they just maintain that they don’t believe in a divine power themselves.  They also like Laurence Krauss above admit that we are ignorant, so we can’t dismiss the possibility. Epistemologically, we are all in a sense agnostics except the religious who apparently think they have it all figured out.

I know a lot of my friends are worried because I am not a Christian anymore.  I even had my counselor ask if I had renounced Christ. I almost laughed because if my salvation or damnation depends on my saying or not saying words, then I am sure that’s more pivotal rather than living your life with virtue in mind?  Your actions can be totally evil, but as long as you don’t renounce Christ, you are good to go to heaven? I am sure someone will eventually say to me “I love you and I just don’t want to see you in hell.”  Did you ever ask yourself the question: Why should he or I go to hell in the first place and is that justice?  More on that later in Odin’s Eye in weeks to come.

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Faith:

As a deist I can have faith in a creator, in the divine. I can’t really say what that divine power is however.  What this means is I also don’t know what the divine’s actual expectations are.  What I am left with is to engage a lot of reason with my faith and that my friends is a far more powerful combination than religion and faith.

Religion:

As far as I can tell all religions are man-made and their holy books are written by men.  I cannot completely dismiss that those men might have been honest and genuine in their intentions.  I also cannot deny for sure that they may not have encountered the divine power that actually exists.  What I might say is that they all interpreted those things in the light of their preconceived religious world view. Casting those experiences in something they already understood and then adding their own opinions and spin to it.

As a deist, I really am no longer religious.  I am however still spiritual in some regards.  I take however as the deist axiom that ‘God gave us reason not religion’.

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Theology:

I can still reason about the divine.  I just don’t have to deal with the mucky muck of trying to figure out special revelation or revealed religion.  I am left with creation to tell me through engaging it with my reason, what the divine might be like.  I could make mistakes in judgment, but the one thing I am no longer doing in my theology is accepting as final arbiter someone else’s opinion about God like it is fact that cannot be questioned.  That includes Paul, Moses and Muhammad.

Spirituality:

I think religions tap into spirituality and that is why they exist, but also it is why they all will work in this regard.  You can also be spiritual without them.  Meditation for instance has been rationally explored and the reason it works is that it is basically a human being learning to calm down, think and be at peace. It’s why even as a deist I can be spiritual but it is far more me trying to find my way in this world, than understanding the divine.

Conclusion:

I have heard deism is the a logical progress which ends in atheism.  I am not sure that is true and the whole logical progression/evolution of religion thing has never appealed to me as genuine or always true.  I really don’t find atheism to be rational at this point given the colossal ignorance of mankind.  At the same time I get it. I don’t bear the atheist any ill will because I do understand why someone would follow that path.

For me the path is deism for while I think.  I can have a faith that is rational taking into account my own ignorance.  I don’t have to be religious to be spiritual in truth. Theology is a little more difficult but still possible.  I guess I just need to see where the path ultimately takes me.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – My Bohemian Rhapsody

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

I went to see Bohemian Rhapsody last night with my daughter.  She became a 1980s music fan early on and so she definitely has a bridge between herself and her two parents that her two brothers do not have.  Although I do believe both my sons appreciate Bohemian Rhapsody as a song.  I can say that watching that movie with her is an experience I will never forget. My little girl is all grown up, but for a couple hours, it was just my little girl, me and the band Queen.

Freddie Mercury is one of those legends of music so powerful that even to today people listen to his songs and love them.  Queen was one of those bands that defied genres and still managed to do every single song thy did with skill, style and power.  I was a devoted Christian when Freddie died and all my Bible College friends were saying he was roasting in hell because of AIDS and homosexuality.  Peer pressure says that I had to agree with them to avoid scrutiny, but in one private moment I shed a few tears at the loss of Freddie Mercury.  Some people are bright stars that burn out way too quickly and Freddie Mercury was one of them.  Bohemian Rhapsody remains one of my favorite songs to this day along with tons of others from Queen.

Queen songs have these things called lyrics.  Real deep lyrics.  They also have something that is missing in a lot of others these days – talent that can’t be faked or altered in the studio.  It was one take after another until they got it right.  No auto tune, not electronic alteration.  Just guys with their instruments and voices played and sung well.  I miss that.

The movie ends with the Live Aid Concert that was probably the best concert of Queen’s career and probably the last time people saw the full showman that was Freddie. After that they did many great concerts but that one stands as the moment Queen ruled the world of rock and roll and Freddie was a living legend.  I can’t tell you how the human moment touched me once again and probably deeper.  When I first saw Live Aid as a teenager in high school, I watched it on MTV live and thought what a great moment in time.  Now that I know more fully the human struggle that it took for that moment to take place, I appreciate it even more.   I still miss Freddie.  He is someone I would have definitely liked to meet.

For me though such movies are a double edged sword.  They bring out my emotions and they cause me to do a lot of reflection.  Freddie made his mark because he insisted on what he wanted and fought for it.  He fought a lot with himself but he also in the end was both at peace with who he was and what he was doing. I want that and I don’t think I have ever completely had it. I have compromised a lot because greater things were at stake at times.  But this movie and Freddie Mercury have me thinking about living life without regrets and without compromise.  I want my Live Aid moment like Freddie had.  I don’t know what that would be for me but I want it and I don’t want to compromise to get it.

The problem with the past is it is something we edit and find the good or the bad moments rise to the top and every thing else fades away.  Bohemian Rhapsody the movie brought out several good moments for me but all of them are in the past and I want some more in the future.  It’s been a hard sleepless evening. Whether that is good or bad I guess I will wait and see. But my sadness is coupled with a longing to see Bohemian Rhapsody played out in my own life. A hunger and desire is building in me and I am sure the movie and those memories had a lot to do with it.

I don’t know if they will ever read this, but to the people who made the movie Bohemian Rhapsody – thank you.  If there was ever a life that needed to have a movie about him, its Freddie Mercury.

I also want to thank my daughter for taking her old man to see it.  Thank you, Bug.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues – The State of My Mind

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Woden’s (Odin) Day

Journal:

My Mind – Not something people want to know unless you are part sarcasm, part dark humor and with a little asshole thrown in.  There is also The Grey to consider here, I debated whether depression is a mental thing or a heart thing but I would say it is a mental battle you fight to protect your heart.  The Grey is kind of the feeling I get during this battle. Sometimes it affects my heart, sometimes not.

This summer I found myself engaged in a lot larger dark thoughts than normal.  I was conflicted in a lot of ways.  On the good side there was an intense relief not to be in the pulpit anymore. An honest attitude and thought process began about my non-faith and more reasonable approach to life began this summer.  If it hadn’t been for my heart being drawn to something that ultimately hurt me, I might have been OK.  Hurt however makes it very hard to think until it wakes you up like a cold shower in the morning.

That led to the dark side of thoughts. I can’t say I am proud of what I was thinking at the time.  Mostly it was my desires driving my thoughts; which is why after I came out of this fog, I initiated my Wolves listening to the Ravens policy motto.

Right now, I am trying to get things back into focus.  It is not easy because I still want what I wanted, but I have to be very real in how it is going to be achieved.  In the case of mind the Business Virtues fit because it is about getting down to the business of life and thinking through how things need to be and what steps need to be taken.

Self-Reliance:

“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”

Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.

In being self-reliant there is an underlying philosophy of minimalism that I follow.  I am not an extreme minimalist but I do have two criteria for keeping things I own.  1) Is it useful to me and have I used it in the last year.  2) Does it give me joy. If I look at something and I cannot answer yes to either question, it disappears.

The reasoning behind this is that things can slow you down, weigh you down and cause you to make decisions that are not the best or to your advantage. It’s also why I don’t have pets at this time anyway.  I just don’t have the proper time or energy to give to a dog (don’t like cats) or say a raven. As I get older time is a most precious commodity, so I don’t want to spend it taking care of stuff that is not useful or enjoyable. This means it takes less to be self-reliant as well.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.

Being efficient is an economics thing and I love economics.  I also love to create things and one of the things I am learning is the creativity of all work. There is something you are creating even in stocking shelves and that is opportunity for the product to meet the customer.  It makes all work enjoyable when you can see the creative part of it. Creativity isn’t just a product of heart but also the mind.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.

The reason I would say hospitality is more of a mental thing than a heart thing is that to do it right you have to plan for it.  It takes real preparation for you to always be ready to help. To be in a position of abundance so that you can help others in need takes a long-term strategy and so that is what I am employing.

In part also is the need perhaps to host a support group of some sort maybe a year from now. I am not sure for what but I know that I started to slip mentally and emotionally when this left my life so I need it back.  The reason I say a year from now is I need to heal and rebuild some things first.

Daily Routine:

  1. Communication / Cuddle Time
  2. Blogging
  3. Reading – 1 hour per day.
  4. Study / Homework – 1 hour per day or until all necessary work is completed.
  5. Empty In Box
  6. Financial Transaction Input

Pretty Good here.  Can’t complain too much anyway. If there is any weak spot its the homework and reading.  School is hard because the only interesting class to me this semester is Health Economics but only for  the Economics part, not the Health part. I am getting better though now that I look at each assignment in each class as a chance to be creative.

Goals: 

  1. Strengthen Marriage
  2. Finish my Political Science Degree
  3. Advance Career
  4. Monitor and Control Finances
  5. Write for my Blog  – 1 post per day average.
  6. Exercise
  7. Follow a Solid Diet Plan
  8. Create and work a Bucket List.

I am closest to the goal of finishing my degree.  The rest of these goals have a continual aspect to them and I am OK with that but it does call into question how do I measure them other than in terms of streaks of how long I have gone with each one.  I figure I can add a couple because like my bucket list I can have 8-10 things on it. I may also edit this list in the coming week so the goals are a little more measurable.

Budgeting: 

  1. Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
  2. Debt Snowball
  3. Fully funded Emergency fund
  4. Invest 15% of income into retirement
  5. Pay off Home Early
  6. Build Wealth and Give

Still stage 1 but I feel that things can move forward although it is very slow.  Once I have a better paying job, I think I can actually work the first three parts fairly quickly.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – The Midterms – How I Am Voting. (Hint – Libertarian)

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day – It’s also Election Day here in the United States.

It would normally be the day for Wolves and Ravens, but there is so much to cover as a political scientist as far as elections right now, and not all of it fits a philosophical analysis; so this will be a Rabyd Skald and I am going to tell you how I am voting.

I spoke last week on Voting and told you that the truth is there is a higher chance of any of us going to the election and being killed on the way in a car accident, than that our vote would matter. For all you thrill seekers, here is my guide to how to vote here in the great state of Michigan.

Governor / Senate / House and State Legislature – You can keep voting for the same two parties and get the same results over and over again or Vote outside that line – me I am voting Libertarian Party.  The Libertarians last election gained a lot in Michigan by passing a certain mark.  It means they got their own primary ballots and for that to continue need to keep that percentage.  I am pretty much voting libertarian straight ticket on this one.  No names required because any libertarian candidate will be truly smaller government and less government red tape and involvement is my hope and dream.

Michigan The Ballot Proposals

Proposal 1 – Marijuana Legalization

Yes.  I am going to be blunt here. Get it Blunt?  While smoking weed is on my bucket list, it is not something I have actually done.  The real reason I am doing this is the current approach to drugs as in fighting a drug war is actually quite ineffective.  This drug in particular is less harmful in all respects than alcohol and only stereotyping keeps people’s opinions of it negative. The only people who really benefit from the drug war are the police (who us it as justification for bigger budgets and more power), the prison industry (who needs prisoners preferably ones that are docile like MJ users), the pharmaceutical industry and alcohol industries (these later two don’t like competition).  This is why you will see all these groups lobbying so hard against legalization.  Yes vote here please.  Time to end the stupidity.

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Proposal 2 – Redistricting Committee

In its most simplistic terms, this basically creates a citizens committee in charge creating the voting districts instead of leaving it to Legislature. I am not really sure about this one but I know both the Republicans and Democrats don’t like it.  That means it might actually be a good thing.  Yes on this one too, simply because I like pissing the major parties off.

Proposal 3 – Automatic Voter Registration and Earlier Voting Measures.

This means when you get your driver’s license or state ID you are automatically registered to vote.  There is also a provision for getting an absentee ballot without having to give a reason and being able to use it to vote up to two weeks early. I don’t really see any negatives here.  It’s any body’s guess as to if it will actually improve voter turnout. Yes.

National Politics:

On the national stage of course the Senate is going to be a long haul for the Democrats.  They not only have to fight to keep a lot of seats, if they want to gain ground they have to upset Republicans. they have to win 28 races to gain the senate..  The Republicans simply have to win seven races and they keep the senate. In the house well, it’s an every two-year thing, we will see how it goes.  I predicting the elephants will continue to hold the senate and the house but will lose a little ground.

As a political scientist, I am just enjoying the show.  Pass the popcorn.  Although I will probably enjoy seeing Bohemian Rhapsody with my daughter more than these election results to analyze.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – The State of My Heart

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

The last two weeks have been a lot of wrestling with myself.  This week journal entries will be dealing with the state of different parts of me as I see them and what I can do to improve them.  I will talk in this one of the state of my heart. My Wednesday entry I will talk about the state of my Mind and on Friday the state of my Body.

My view of heart is more than just the state of emotions; it’s also the state of my soul.  The thing is I view this as my core being and that which gives me personal value, motivation and a sense of myself.  It resonates with my foundational virtues the most.  A good heart, is honorable, courageous and rejoices in the truth.

It is also the most fragile part of me as an introverted empathic romantic sap.  I don’t give my friendship or love easily; truth be told, so when someone rejects my love or abuses my friendship, I get devastated. I fully acknowledge the fact that one of the persons who hasn’t treated my heart that well is myself.

See the source image

I would say the state of my heart is wounded, bruised and sometimes bleeding.  It is also held together by stitches, staples and even a rope wrapped around it. I am surprised it survived the summer.  To be honest, I teetered on the edge there for a bit of becoming a heartless bastard.  I got hurt a lot, some of it self-inflicted.  True, I kind of did some hurting there in the beginning myself, but it’s the hurts I received from people who, when I was down, decided to hit me again that really bothered me.

I don’t speak of this much anymore but I also did get my heart broken by someone I loved very deeply this summer. (I don’t speak of this often because its something that is hurtful to my family, but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurt and I still deal with that hurt.  I have to thus deal with it myself.)  There is a deep gash in my heart because of it. I also realized how deeply I hurt someone else; who I have renewed my love for, but that also has been a painful guilt ridden process. Self inflicted wounds there.  I am trying not to become heartless through all this, but I have truly become suspicious of anyone who calls me their friend or says they love me unless they have demonstrated both at a high level first.  Emotionally, I watch my six a lot more because I can’t afford right now to take any more hits. I still try to be true to my better nature. A friend/relative posted this a couple of days ago.  It really spoke to me.

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The one person right now who has proven her love for me is my wife. If there is any demonstration of genuine Christian forgiveness and mercy I can look at right now; it is her.  She is also been my chief source of healing. I long to cuddle with her, make love to her and talk about things with her.  It’s a good feeling and my heart seems to be mending because of it. If I can get closure in a few more things, I might make some real healing progress. I do want to get a wounded heart tattoo at some point as it is part of my journey.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

Honor is still a real struggle for me. I feel the real struggle of my natures at times.  Oh, for me this is no longer about sin and righteousness.  For me the issue is more about the Wolves and Ravens.  Making sure the wolves of Need and Want listen to the ravens of Reason and Wisdom. Honor is returning but it is a slow and painful process.

Thing is school will be ending soon and with that graduation.  I even have a lead on an internship to finish things off this Spring. I am really hoping that fully closing this latest chapter in my life and looking forward to the future will restore some honor.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

I am coming up to a time when courage might be called for.  Graduation now looms and looking for a new career starts probably this next week.  I need to be decisive and courageous in this.  The time is getting closer to act.

I want whatever career path I choose to be right.  It needs to fit me.  When I see it, I want to grasp it with both hands.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

I miss the old Microphone.  I was absolutely honest with the way I saw things and the truth was more important to me than anything.  Now, I can’t recommend this in the end though, as it can be painful to face the truth about one’s self and situations.  It is often better not to say anything, if one cannot be honest.

This blog takes a different tack.  It is honest when it speaks but when it is silent, that’s when you know I am taking the route of being silent is better when you can’t be honest.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals
  3. Review Bucket List
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Meditate on One of the Virtues
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

I would say this is becoming more automatic and it is become habit.  To really make sure of that, I need to keep doing it for several more months. The real thing though is the peace of mind and focus this gives me early in the day.  It keeps me focused on why I live quite frankly.  I do feel a sense of purpose again and it is in large part due to the morning routine, in particular the meditation on the NNV and reviewing my goals and principles.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

I did a Rabyd Skald post recently about tattooing my closure.  I suppose when people look at the bucket list they might see get my tattoos, they wonder what specifically I am talking about.  Here is my list:

  1. Valknut Tattoo with wolves, ravens and a rune circle.  Right forearm.
  2. Broken Celtic Cross – Center Back right under my neck
  3. Two Wolves – Left shoulder “It’s OK to Feed the Wolves…” in writing under them.
  4. Two Ravens – Right shoulder – “but Listen to the Ravens First”
  5. Wounded Heart Tattoo – Left Pectoral

#1 is about my new philosophy of life where I can always see it and remind myself of it.  #2 – Old Faith – Still I must admit it has an effect on my thinking but I don’t have faith so it is broken.  #3-4 – My philosophical statement clearly stated.  #5 – Given this post, I think this one is self-explanatory.

Weightlifting:

If there is any concern right now it is that my current gym might close.  It’s having a hard time now that Planet Fitness is in town.  The owner is pretty distraught with a lot of personal issues as well.  I hate this because this was my gym – my home gym.  I love the place and always have. I hope they find a way to keep going.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Pagan Pulpit – Havamal 77 – Thoughts on Mortality

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sun’s Day

Announcements:

We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.

We also don’t take an offering here.  We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it.  Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it.  Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.

Probably and additional announcement is that the Pagan pulpit will be more and more taking on a more personal touch – mine.  I really am kind of combining a lot of things here from an old blog that I liked.  It will be my musings on things from music to poems and other things.  My thoughts will be front and center and they are about my weekly journey.  If by sharing these things with you, you are helped a little in your own journey than that is bonus and a joy to me.

Opening Song: Metallica – Creeping Death (Live Seattle 1989)

One of my favorite Metallica songs.  The final plague on the Egyptians turned into a metal song.  Awesome.

Poem:

“Awaiting the Valkyrie”

The war of life will someday claim my  soul.

May I live a life worthy of song.

Broken and wounded I may be,

But my heart longs to see the Valkyrie

To take me to a place of the honored dead.

Whose stories forever ring throughout the ages

The soul at last at peace

Celebrated and immortal.

– Ed Raby, Sr.  – October 30, 2018

This poem probably speaks to the occasional long that we all have for things to be over.  When my end comes, I would like to be remembered well.

Meditation:

People ask me all the time why I like stories.  Well because all stories resonate with my own.  It’s what makes our existence common; that we all are a story.

Song of Preparation:

This isn’t my favorite Three Door’s Song, but it definitely hits the heart of all of us in what we want and how we feel about those closest to us that have passed into the unknown.

Text: Havamal 77

“Your cattle shall die; your kindred shall die; you yourself shall
die; one thing I know which never dies: the judgment on each one dead.”

Sermon:

Coming off Halloween there is always that element where one thinks about death.  I mean we have skulls and bones everywhere.  The undead walk from zombies to vampires to mummies.  Our popular mythology is laced with characters that overcome and cheat death. In religion, the afterlife is a common thread.

When I was a Christian, the view I often had been that heaven or some afterlife was necessary to give life meaning and purpose.  Perhaps this is one truth that many religions hit on, as death seems to take away everything.  Ecclesiastes is a great book for pointing this out but the conclusion is a bit of logical leap as the only meaning to life it gives is to fear God and do what he tells you.  I don’t think that works for me anymore or for perhaps a lot of you.

The painful truth is that death might genuinely be the end of it all for each of us or that the afterlife is nothing like we expect. That’s the problem, it really is an unknown.

So how to find purpose and meaning to life with the reality of death ever before you?  There have been many theories and perhaps this is why we are incurably religious as a species.  We don’t like the thought that we will end.  We want to continue and so we hope that something is on the other side of death.  But in the end I think Marcus Aurelius hit it on the head. We should live a good life.  If God, the gods or whatever are just, they will look at the virtues you have lived by not how devoted you were.  If they are not just, then we should not want to serve them anyway.  If there isn’t any gods or afterlife; then well, we have the memories in the hearts of those we loved as our final thoughts.

Image result for marcus aurelius quoteOf course you are left to yourself as to which virtues make up your good life. For me the Nine Noble Virtues of Asatru form a good solid list and one that, regardless of who I meet and what religion they may or may not have, can be respected.  The Havamal reminds us that the one thing that does not die is the judgement of the dead. The best way then to face death is to live life and live it fully.

Parting Song: Zergananda – The Path to Valhalla

Epic and one view of many.  I personally think any view of the afterlife that involves courageously facing ones death is a good one.

Have a Great Week

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!