Happy Woden’s (Odin) Day

Journal Entry:

I have heard a lot of comments this week from people who perhaps haven’t seen me in a while.  Mostly, I get the comment about how much weight I have lost.  I am guessing, because I haven’t stepped on a scale in a while, probably over 50 lbs.  The other thing I hear is “you look like you’re happier.”

I have spent a lot of time thinking about that statement.  The main reason I did what I did this spring and summer was I was tired of being unhappy and wanted that to change.  I identified what I thought was making me unhappy and began to shuck it off and found a few things I thought would make me happy and embraced them.  This was a very trying time for me in many ways, but I also discovered that there was a lot of relief. I think lies drain your happiness and when you stop lying to yourself and others, the strain of maintaining them gives a relief.

In the end, I discarded a lot of draining things.  In would warn other introverts who want to go into ministry that people drain you and unless you have a true way to recharge yourself, you will get to the point you are no longer happy.  I would say a bad marriage drains you.  I would say trying to maintain a faith you no longer possess drains you.  I was experiencing all those things and now I am not.  I am no longer in the ministry so I keep my happiness instead of giving it to others.  My marriage I much better and has shifted from being a drain on my happiness to a creator of happiness.  It is work, but that is something I am happy to see.  I am honest about my lack of faith in Christianity, but I find this actually makes me happier.  One axiom from Christianity that I still embrace is ‘the truth will set you free.”

There are still things that I struggle with.  I don’t like losing friends but that has happened. One ‘friend’ I now consider a two-faced, backstabbing traitor and that bothers me immensely at times. I personally feel this is going to make me trusting people at that level again very difficult.  I feel guilty about some actions in the past.  As I said last week, sometimes the wounds and bruises on my heart make me sad at times.  There is also the ever-present Grey.

That said I feel I am at a turning point.  I am being honest with myself to the point where the wounds of the past both on my self and those I caused cannot be cured by anything but time.  Some of them will never fully heal and I can accept that. Time doesn’t heal all wounds.  Sorry, I can’t base my happiness on being fully healed someday.  I can just hope that my soul will be as healthy as it can be at the time.  Perhaps that is where my happiness will truly find me. One can only hope.

Self-Reliance:

“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”

Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.

This weekend, I think I really began to see why for me working for someone will eventually be no longer be satisfying.  Mostly, I never feel self-sufficient in that situation.  The bucket list goal of owning my own business is the ultimate goal in this regard. I want something that will make me self-reliant completely and allows me the freedom to do the things I want to do.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.

I do enjoy working for work sake.  I never thought I would get there but there is something about work that makes a person feel better like they are actually productive. I think I have found that in my job and I am starting to feel it coming when it comes to school work. With only five weeks left in the semester, it’s about time.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.

Hospitality requires a measure of prosperity.  One thing that kind of stands out but speaks to the state of our prosperity is our living room.  I kind of envision a place where I can have my friends over to talk, drink and perhaps even have a support group.  A sectional couch to seat a dozen or so and a bar.  A reading chair as part of that. Television for me is not part of the equation but my wife would want one and then of course end tables and lamps.  Yeah, we have three folding chairs and a television that is small on a broken down stand.  I feel we will have started to have some prosperity when our living room reflects it.

 Daily Routine:

1. Communication / Cuddle Time
2. Blogging
3. Reading – 1 hour per day.
4. Study / Homework – 1 hour per day or until all necessary work is completed.
5. Empty In Box
6. Financial Transaction Input

Solid here and I am working on making sure things get done each day.  At the end of the week, how many times I skip something is reported and I eventually want zero there for everything.  As it is I am 85% consistent.

Goals: 

1. Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
2. Graduate with Political Science Degree in December 2018.
3. Find a new, better paying job by the end of January 2019 or before.
4. In 2019 have  a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
5. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
6. Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
7. Follow Paleo Diet completely and use intermittent fasting until the end of 2019
8. Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)
9. Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.

Now that my goals have a little more specifics, I feel better about them.  I can see something measurable and I have deadlines.  #1 is more important to me than anything and so I am thinking on how to do that better.  We have improved  a lot but there is still a lot of ways to go. The deadline on my Bucket List is pivotal and a game changer.  Hopefully #2 and #3 will resolve themselves in a few months.

Budgeting: 

1. Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
2. Debt Snowball
3. Fully funded Emergency fund
4. Invest 15% of income into retirement
5. Pay off Home Early
6. Build Wealth and Give

It all comes down to one thing really – making more money.  Hopefully that will be the case in the next few months.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!