Relationships

“Redefining Fidelity” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

When you have had an affair wrestling with fidelity is an issue. You might say it has become a ‘what went wrong” issue for me. But that is not all that factors into this.  There are a lot of practical concerns not least of which is as an atheist the basis for marriage has to be practical and also involve spiritual issues from that standpoint.

Are we compatible? Are we good for each other?  Etc.  Feelings of love aside there is the simple question of ‘what is the purpose of marriage, or any other relationship for that matter if there is no god to answer to?’  When the vows you took have no basis to you anymore why do you have to be faithful and should you? It is a discussion my therapist and I are starting to have.

But fidelity is bigger than marriage and my largest problem with my definition of the virtue of fidelity is that it is taken from Asatru which assumes the existence of gods to be loyal to.  It has probably needed a rewrite for some months because of this.  Mostly this idea of gods needs to be addressed but there is also the issue of friends and being loyal to myself.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April 30th, 2020 – Beltane.

I really have no problem with this definition of discipline. One might quibble about the ideas involving others in light of my new understanding of self-reliance, but leadership does require good discipline of the group you lead to be an effective leader.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

No problems.

Fidelity:

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s moral philosophy, to one’s family, one’s friends, and most important to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends is valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

  1. Changed gods and goddesses to moral philosophy
  2. Added freinds officially to the list of groups to be loyal to
  3. Emphasized loyalty to self.
  4. I moved things to the present tense instead of the past tense.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom:

Wisdom is found in consistency.  As a writer, I dislike plot holes, dangling side plots, etc.  In a same vein, I don’t like inconsistency in one’s viewpoint.  Hypocrisy might have an excuse in someone who believes that simply by believing in atonement their hypocrisies are forgiven and thus justified. There is no such idea in atheism.  You better have some level of pride to be an atheist and this means to have honor and being ashamed when you fail.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  5. Reading – 1/7th of a book
  6. Writing – 3000 Words

Solid, it’s just when I have days off I tend to get lazy about things.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 5

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
  4. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  5. By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Marriage Rights” – Freya’s Chambers – Equality

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day!

Discussion:

Disclaimer:  The topics covered in Freya’s Chambers include serious discussions of sex, sexuality and related issues.  If it isn’t your thing; you can move along, otherwise enjoy and feel free to discuss.  Given the nature of some subjects be prepared for nude images as there may be some.  I avoid genitalia as a general rule but is not always possible.  

Now, this is a pretty large umbrella and I first want to begin with the issue of what marriage is.  While religious pundits would argue that it is an institution from God, I would argue that all religions seem to have it or something like it and some of these relationships predate some religions if archeology and scholarship are to be believed.

Marriage itself had always been a cultural l institution and it can be argued whether it is even a good one.  As a libertarian, I question why it even needs to exist.  There is nothing done in a marriage relationship that cannot be done without the marriage.  In the end, it is about legal obligation and people want to put a romantic spin on it using either religion or calling it an expression of love.  As if somehow by getting married you create some more love than already existed. I think there is a lot of nice touchy-feely to the idea of marriage that keeps wedding planners and officiants making money.

Image result for libertarians on marriage

In any case, if we are going to have it I don’t know why the government is involved in the first place.  Yes, it makes it legal but that could also be accomplished by two people going to a lawyer and hashing out a relationship contract. Does the marriage license simply do this in a faster convenient way? If so, I doubt the legalities would be considered equality from a sex point of view, particular in dower states where a woman basically gets half the guys stuff simply by saying ‘I do’ and not such condition exists the other way. The point is those that get married under a license, at least in the United States have conditions of that marriage that they would probably not like if they knew them.

Image result for married is an illegitimate institution

Mostly though marriage survives because of shame and stigma when you are not in certain situations.  The two biggest ones being that not being married is somehow odd and if a woman has a child out of wedlock.  Practically, neither of these stigmas make any sense. As people recognize the bullshit of these stigmas, marriage is indeed taking a hit. I can speak from personal experience that no legal contract, rings or vows will keep you faithful and true nor does an increased level of love result from getting married.

But until marriage is seen for what it is we are going to have it and the state is going to get involved so how should they act when people who normally don’t get married want to do so.  The secular answer is ‘equal protection’ not a restriction of rights.  Justice is supposed to be blind, so she should not be able to judge through the lens of religious bias or social convention.  She should not see that it is a couple of men or a couple of women or two men and one woman or one man and two women or any other relationship that people want to enter into.  The issue is the protection of rights, not to control what marriage is defined as.  That should be left to the people in that relationship; not the state, or even the church.See the source image Of course, if it were up to me, I would abolish marriage licenses and leave the definition of it to the people involved and if they want it to be a legal relationship – go see an attorney and draw up the contract. If you want a religious ceremony go see the officiant but the state in no way should be involved in the first place. In my mind, this is the only way to achieve equality.  As long as the government is involved people can gain control and determine the definition of what marriage is.  This is what causes inequality.

People will always try to control the government so they can control the agenda of marriage.  The best way to avoid this is to give the government no power at all other than to enforce contracts, which it already has through the courts, and provide protection for the people who enter those relationships of their own free will in their own way.

See the source image

My two cents.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Pagan Holidays: Winternights / Halloween/Samhain – Part 2” – Odin’s Eye

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Woden’s (Odin’s) Day.    

Discussion:

I am going to talk about modern Halloween and why it is now my favorite holiday.  Mostly it is because for a long time I was told as a Christian that it was satanic or full of witchcraft.  It is a Wiccan holiday in its original form but also pretty basically pagan as well.  Much fo what we see is hold over symbols from a bygone age that survive in large part because it is a fun holiday.

In the United States, the retail business has realized something – it is the second most money grossing holiday of the year.  Literally, second only to Christmas now.  Easter has fallen to third and Valentine’s fourth. It has become more than a holiday for kids trick or treating.   Adults here have very adult Halloween parties without the kids.  I mean you are dressed up as something else and often people cannot tell who you are if you do it right.  Add alcohol, candy, and sensuality and you get the modern American US Halloween.

Most 0f the pagan roots of this holiday are lost and that is probably, on the one hand, Ok and on the other hand. something for those of us that like to dig deeper is missing.

Oh, yeah I am using the pin-up girls again for this one. This time though vintage classic ones that I love.  It’s not very politically correct, but 1) it’s Halloween and 2) I don’t give a fuck what the language-thought nazis say.

See the source image

Time to Look Through the Eye:

“To see the truth, change one eye for another”

Faith:

I am going to deal with the more Wiccan holiday of Samhain in this one that is now modern Halloween.  This is actually the biggest festival of the Wiccan calendar and thus most celebrated.  It’s opposite number and Spring festival is Beltane.  You might say these two festivals bookend Summer and Winter.  A festival of the dead, spirits and thus full of the familiar phrase – trick or treat. This reflects their appeasement of those prankster spirits and thus have them pass over your place.  The Jack-o-Lanterns and many other customs reflect this.

I don’t believe in the supernatural but I find the whole holiday interesting because it is such a quilt work of different pagan traditions that it is fun to guess where which tradition came from and how it came to be.  I have faith this is a fun and interesting holiday.

Meditation:

Like  Beltaine, I feel that this holiday reflects the very human need to blow off steam.  We can’t be good all the time and sometimes you just need to go and be a little naughty and mischevious.  Beltane is perfect for this and Halloween even more so. My meditations on human nature simply lead me to think that people need to stop being so good for a couple days a year and Halloween is one of those days.

See the source image

Theology:

Growing up this was Satan’s holiday. We didn’t participate or were told not to.  my father this was bullshit, Chrisitan though he was.  He was the one that told me that there is a great deal of difference between what something was and what it is.  He felt what Halloween is now was more about having a good time and in some respect connecting with your neighbors.

Of course, the average Wiccan doesn’t believe in or worship Satan any more than they do the Chrisitan god.  But people have a way of trying to make you inferior for a stupid reason like they don’t do holidays like this while you do; so you are morally less than them.  Got sick of this shitty theology long before I left Christianity.

See the source image

Spirituality:

I do find the idea of appeasing the spirits to be an interesting spiritual concept in paganism. The one area of Norse mythology that is rich but extremely complicated so I don’t address it is the whole issue of earth spirits, elves, and dark elves.  It would be a fascinating study and probably relates to Winternights and Halloween a lot. I just look at it with awe as to how complicated it seems.

For myself, the connection with the past, the spending time with people as a community celebrating something is enough.  It is these connections and having fun with them that denote my ‘spirituality’.

See the source image

 

Conclusion:

Why do I like this holiday so much?  Because of all the holidays in the US calendar, it has nothing to do with God, Christianity, Patriotism, or anything like them.  It remains truly pagan despite Christianity making November 1st All Saints Day.  Halloween gives November 1st the middle finger and that just makes me smile.

I also like the grey side to Halloween – the naughty side to it.  It gives new meaning to the words – ‘trick or treats?’ and that is very Ok with me. Just remember sometimes the answer to that question is – yes.

See the source image

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Atheism and Asatru Virtues” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Journal Entry:

The more I engage the question the more I am now aware and can confirm that I am an atheist. I have no belief in any way shape or form in a god or gods. Even what people consider supernatural has a natural explanation.  I am open to any rational explanation that would prove the existence of something divine or supernatural, but my experiences in the church and in particular being pentecostal have allowed me to see how you can boil everything down to magic tricks, groupthink, mass psychology, and psychological manipulation.

So the question people always level at atheists is what morals or ethics can you have without the divine? My response, you assume the divine/religion created morality.   Given that all religions have similar statements of morality, is it not possible that they are all borrowing from the same source – humanity.   It is why I can borrow the Nine Noble Virtues and be an atheist follower of parts of Asatru.  It is a good list and it gives my moral philosophy a good foundation but all tose virtues can be found elsewhere including in the atheist moral philosophy.

This is the week I engage these virtues for their own sake and ask myself how I am doing regarding them.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).  (achieved)

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

I struggle to be of value to me. It is not that others don’t say thank you and that they appreciate me.  Rather, it is when I look in the mirror and think I can be more and do more. My sense of self-worth is probable below average right now and part of that is my unknown future. I just feel Grey at times.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

What is the right thing is more of a question right now.  I keep hoping and searching for something better but I don’t know what that is right now.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in the year 2020.

Honest self-evaluation is hard right now.  I don’t like a lot of things about where I am, what I am doing and what I am thinking.

Higher Virtue: Love:

It is the same old story right now of the tension of being concerned for others and a lack of concern for myself.  My self-maintenance of love is a little low but I have to make an effort to remember to do it.  I need to be myself, the problem is that it is very different from what people expect me to be and that is something that is going to make them uncomfortable which my empathic self will pick up on and then be uncomfortable as well.  It’s a vicious cycle and one that doesn’t end well for me. Something needs to change and I am falling back to thoughts I had a few years ago.  The tension is building and that is not good.

Morning Routine:

  1. Stretching / Yoga
  2. Shower, Personal Hygiene. Morning Meds.
  3. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  4. Meditation – 5 min.
  5. Check Communications and Email.
  6. Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

This order is working out a little better.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Grey Revelations?” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 22

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day. 

The scattered Grey showers continue.  That said, I am getting more of a handle on them.  The triggers are pretty well known by now and I know how to deal with most of them. Mostly, I have been thinking, researching and meditating on what The Grey is?

I don’t know if I am right about this but The Grey seems to be more of a state between feeling nothing and being depressed.  If that makes any sense.  it is a protective state to keep me from feeling the sadness of depression but it still has the element of depression that is ‘loss of interest.  The other quality it has is that I do not give one shit about anyone else.  I am wondering if this is a counter safeguard my mind goes into when I have hit my psychological limit of not taking care of myself and being more concerned about others than myself. So The Grey puts me in a state where I am completely self-centered but not sad; but also restless and bored.  I hope I am wrong because that sounds like a state of mind I wouldn’t wish on even my enemies.  Dangerous and reckless.

I suppose the alternative is to be sad, tired and/or burning angry.

In other news:

  1. I am totally frustrated with the job hunt right now.  No one is even calling me and that is probably the product having lost so many contacts.  Every job I have gotten I have known someone and applying blind is difficult.  If the fuckers at my church hadn’t fired me, I might have had a connection there with someone else to get another job or at least I could put it on my resume as my last job.  It really puts a hole in my resume.  It might be Ok in another year or two but I don’t have a year or two.
  2. Love is frustrating as well.  I have identified that my wife and I have a trust-love but Miss Salty and I had a passion-love.  The problem is I want both. My INFJ idealism kicks in and says why can’t you have a high level of trust and passion in a love relationship. I was thinking about my series Rogue Wizard and there is the same theme. Lunette (passion) / Amber (trust).  It is all over the place with me and having only one or the other just makes it difficult for me inside my head.
  3. Writing seems to be the only solace I have these days. The Blog, my books in their raw form do provide some sense of stability in my head. The other thing is the weights, hiking and getting healthier. There is a part of me that just wants to dive into this and disappear.  My own world in my head is far superior to the real one.
  4. I am still adjusting my thoughts and emotions to my lack of any faith in any god.  I have no imaginary friend to talk to and that is liberating on the one hand but it means a level of self-reliance I have not experienced before and it is scary intoxicating.

I am not fond of the cards I am holding right now. I still am obligated to play the hell out of them though until the next shuffle.  Hopefuly that is soon.  I miss clear skies and having a strong hand.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

 

“Own Your Role” – Freya’s Chambers – Sexual Roles

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day:

Disclaimer:  The topics covered in Freya’s Chambers include serious discussions of sex, sexuality and related issues.  If it isn’t your thing; you can move along, otherwise enjoy and feel free to discuss.  Given the nature of some subjects be prepared for nude images as there may be some.  I avoid genitalia as a general rule but is not always possible.  

Discussion:

Referring to the cartoon above: it should be noted that sticking a man’s wifi antenna into a woman USB port is dangerous in many ways.

Now as a guy with a political science degree, I had to sit in on a lot of classes that involved a discussion of gender roles, patriarchy, women’s issues, equality, etc. I am going to tell you upfront that none of it takes into account hard science like biology and neurology.  The closest I got to that in my studies were two classes – social psychology where the female instructor was honest in demonstrating how men and women are treated differently by society in certain situations and noted that it was not always good for the guy.  This video is pretty interesting and reflects this:

The other class was genetics where the female instructor basically said – the XX and XY chromosome combination makes a world of difference in everything about a person.  Simple genetic truth.  Boys and girls are different and they demonstrate this in everything scientific that science can measure and some differences are evident right from birth.  Another Video, definitely worth a watch as this woman did her homework:

Gender:

When it comes to gender, I am going to say part of it is nature in that we are male and female and part of it is societal expectations. You might say gender is where the hard wiring of our sex meets societal expectations.  It is a mixed bag of our differences as expressed by our sex gets mashed together with society’s expectations. That is why some see it as fluid but others may see it as masculine and feminine having multiple ways to express themselves. I fall on the side of the second option.  I have simply never found a compelling argument that gender was more than male or female and certainly not that it could be fluid.

See the source image

In any case, I have noticed that while feminists bitch about equality, I don’t see them encouraging women to become sewer workers, coal miners or any other dirty job.  They want the social construct version to bitch when it comes to the CEO professional office job, but then cling to their own gender’s nature and avoid the dirty nasty jobs that if men stopped doing would dramatically have a negative impact on life. The feminists when it comes to gender as social constructs seem to have a selective compliant switch and seem to prefer their gender over the alternative.

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This is why I stopped supporting them after the third wave of feminism began and became pure egalitarian.  Things are not always right for men and how they are treated in this mix of nature and society and I should not be browbeaten to silence because I point it out.

No photo description available.

In the United States the draft, child custody, men’s mental health. longer sentences for the same crime. and the lack of a support structure with any semblance of equality compared to women in the areas of abuse and health are just the tip of the iceberg. There is simply a lot of issues where one sex or the other is being shafted and you don’t do anything but show your sexism when you want to point out yours at the exclusion of the other side.

Gender Roles: 

See the source image

Gender roles and expectations of society are purely social constructs and form in my mind a form of tribalism which I think needs to be regularly challenged.  In my country, this traditional gender role thing started a long time ago and probably saw its height in the 1940s and 1950s. I am glad they have been challenged but interestingly enough some women prefer their traditional role and so do some men.  If this is truly and genuinely their free choice, then they shouldn’t be condemned for it.  The real problem with gender roles is not that they exist, but when they are forced or people are shamed into doing them.

See the source image

Once again I come back to the power of liberty.  Of letting people chose for themselves what role they want to play in society as being the only fair way to do things. Society needs to stop imposing and start granting liberty.  No opportunity should be denied, but don’t be surprised when sexual preferences as far as a role are seen in people’s choices.  Don’t yell if a woman freely chooses to forgo a career to have children and raise them so her husband has to go and work to support them.  If it is their free choice, that’s their business. On the flip side if a man decided to be the one to stay home and raise the kids because his wife has a better job, don’t call him a lazy deadbeat either.  Let people define themselves and this includes their role in society and how their sex/gender expresses itself in that role.

Conclusion:

See the source image

Probably the best thing we can do is let people own their own role as far as sex and gender and follow our own desires as far as our own.  Own your role, not someone else’s. Take it on as an individual, not as a collective group. In the end, we do want similar things and we need each other to have that happen. But we are not going to get what we want by forcing roles on others or denying the natural propensities of our own sex.  Both are avoiding reality.  What really is needed is just letting each of us be free to pursue what we want.  Liberty is always a better answer than control or dogmatic expectations.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Security” – Space Tramp – Chapter 9 (MegaTraveller Fan Fiction)

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Story:

Jeremiah was laying in bed staring at the ceiling.  Next to him laying naked on her belly was 3rd Officer Kate Stuvak.  A woman who he had met and shared a night of passion with four years ago before she shipped out the next day.  For the last year though they had been shipmates and lovers.  But right now they were on Regina in the hotel next to The Naked Gypsy, ironically in the same room in which they had made love four years ago.  He glanced over to her, even laying on her side, her figure was sensual.  He had come to know it well this past year.

A year ago, Jeremiah had been determined to get a position that reflected his experience and as luck would have it a captain was drawn to him and his latest escapade.  The issue was security as Captain Ping was looking for people that could handle themselves in a fight and Jeremiah with his last mission fit the bill.  Captain Ping was a short man of Zhodani decent but was born without psionic powers. His ship The Efate Starmaid was scheduled for a route going from Regina to Efate and back again. He had an engineer and a steward.  He needed a medic and pilot. Jeremiah became the pilot and navigator.

Jeremiah stowed his gear the next day and met the engineer and steward. Both first-class spacers who also had some form of martial talent.  Both were married to each other with twelve years of experience each. Mr. and Mrs. Angelos were both very good at what they did and had been with Captain Ping for a couple years. Fine couple and they were sharing a stateroom which meant Captian Ping could take on another passenger.

One day before they shoved off, Captian Ping located a Medic. This was needed because of the Starmaid possessing eight cold berths for travel and in this case, a particularly long cold sleep would be required as part of their trip would be through a series of E class starports (read bedrock landing place and nothing else) requiring them to refuel at gas giants.  Those passengers would be about four months in cold sleep. This was also the reason he was looking for crew who could fight – pirates loved such places.

When Jeremiah saw Kate striding up next to Captain Ping, he smiled at her and she smiled a very knowing and naughty smile back.  She leaned over and said something in Captain Ping’s ear and then he looked at both of them and shook his head but smiled happily. Jeremiah walked over to Kate.

“What did you say to the captain?”

“I told him he wouldn’t need to be showing me my stateroom because I would be sharing with you.”

Jeremiah led her to his room and it became their room.  It meant only three of the staterooms had crewmen, so that meant five for passengers. While he helped unpack her knapsack, she brought him up to date.

Kate had made the return journey hopping Free Traders and working her way back to Regina. She had made it to the edge of the Corridor Sector and decided to head back. She had passed her 3rd Officer exam last year and had been getting medical training for the last couple of years.  No steady boyfriends, she was a spacer after all.

“How’s the wound?”, she asked.

“Ok, just a scar now.”

‘Well, I have one of my own”

She turned around a dropped her pants and underwear. Sure enough, there was a long scar on her left buttock at least ten centimeters long.

“Firefight with some pirates in the Corridor sector.  Vargr crossing the border and raiding.  I had my ass up too high and one of them shot me.  That’s why I turned around.”

Jeremiah licked his lips, he had forgotten how sensual she was.  She laughed, then dropped her pants and underwear around her ankles as she stood up straight.  She stepped out of them kicking off her shoes at the same time.  She turned around and pulled her shirt up over her head revealing those wonderful breasts of hers he remembered so well.  She smiled and spoke.

“We have a couple hours.  Why don’t you lock the door?”

Two hours later they were flushed, happier and listening to Captain Ping.

Ping was an Imperial Navy Commander (retired).  He had somehow come into possession of the Starmaid, and he was a firm and fair captain. Being former navy he was prepared for combat and that was wise given the long stretch of gas giant refills.  He insisted they all learn how to handle a handgun and/or turret weapons.  Jeremiah had basic skills but Ping had him being a fair pistol marksman by the end of the trip.  In the event of combat, Ping would take the pilot seat and Jeremiah would handle the turret weapons and sensors.  Mr. Angleos would handle engineering and repairs as necessary.  Kate and Mrs. Angelos would keep the passengers calm and safe.

In than it was a lot of preparation but for naught as nothing happened and they arrived in Efate and then returned back to Regina. The trip was more profitable than expected but the expenses piled up more than expected too.  No bonus, but Kate and Jeremiah got a letter of recommendation from Captian Ping for their great work. Unfortunately, the Starmaid was going to be in port for some maintenance and upgrades. Otherwise, he would have signed them both back on.

Kate and Jeremiah had gotten along quite well and it was enjoyable to ‘come home’ each night to some company. It was sort of like playing being married but as she would joke – with far more sex than a married couple. It was just that Kate’s main ambition was to use the Free Traders to be a doctor. Jeremiah knew that would eventually lead her to settle down.  Something he knew he would probably never do.  They both needed to find a new position and it was a safe bet that finding the same ship both of them could get a job on was slim.

He looked at her.  He was rather fond of her, but he was a spacer.  He cuddled up to her and woke her in a way he had done many times so that she was eventually moaning in his ear. It was the first time in a while he had not been in the brothel at The Naked Gypsy to start a new year.  He hoped Kate brought him better luck than the prostitutes usually gave him.

The next morning Jeremiah walked into the Free Trader offices and reenlisted.  No problems and he smiled with his papers now updated.  Next year he could try for 1st Officer and that meant some real money.  He had already started putting away a lot of money.  He still wanted his own ship and that was a lot of MegaCredits.  He headed back to the hotel to find Kate was gone.  He pulled up his personal device and she had left a text that she had found a ship and was shoving off in a few minutes. She thanked him for an enjoyable year and that she hoped they would bunk again sometime. She wished him the best of luck.

Jeremiah was sad she was gone but relieved that the long tearful goodbye he was expecting didn’t happen.  He sat on the empty bed and called up the job roster for the Free Traders.  The best way to move on was to find work.

Megatraveler Notes:

Start:

Free Trader 2rd Officer Jeremiah Kilwood

Rank: O3 – 2nd Officer   Terms Served: 1

UPP: A67A74   Age: 25  Homeworld: Strouden UWP: A-745988-D N Hi In

Skills: Pilot – 1, Navigation – 1, Engineering – 1, Sensor Ops – 1, Legal – 1, Carousing – 1, Small Blade-1, Turret Weapons-1, Streetwise – 1, Zero-G Combat-1, Grav Vehicle – 0, Computer – 0, Handgun – 0, Vacc Suit – 0

Brownie Points: 3, Bonus Money: 25000 Cr.

Year Eight:

Roll for position availability: 9 + 1 for Intelligence = 10  – position available, serves as 2nd Officer

Roll for assignment: 4 + 1 for Social 5- = 5 – Route Assignment

Survival Roll:  8 – Survives.

Skill Roll: 11  – Skill acquired.

Bonus: 9  – No Bonus

Roll for Skills: ( 1 for skill roll): Rolls Officer Skills table: 4 – Gun Combat Cascade – pick Handgun – 1

Roll for Reenlistment: 8 -reenlists

1 Brownie Point earned for the term completed.

Year-End

Free Trader 2rd Officer Jeremiah Kilwood

Rank: O3 – 2nd Officer   Terms Served: 2

UPP: A67A74   Age: 26  Homeworld: Strouden UWP: A-745988-D N Hi In

Skills: Pilot – 1, Navigation – 1, Engineering – 1, Sensor Ops – 1, Legal – 1, Carousing – 1, Small Blade-1, Turret Weapons-1, Streetwise – 1, Zero-G Combat-1, Handgun – 1, Grav Vehicle – 0, Computer – 0, Vacc Suit – 0

Brownie Points: 4, Bonus Money: 25000 Cr.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“The Walking Paradox – INFJ” – The Rabyd Skald

/ Ed Raby Sr / 1 Comment

Happy Sif’s Day

Anyone who has been a part of The Grey Wayfarer family knows that I talk often about my personality type.  Myers-Briggs to me does a fairly decent job of defining personality through its simple four-letter designation.  Well, four letters and dash with either an A or T behind it to indicate whether one’s identity is assertive or turbulent.  In my case, my full letter combo is INFJ-A. I have found that in exploring the implications of this I have discovered more about myself and it has helped me with that struggle because as we will see in a moment, INFJ’s struggle with this.

My recent musings into the subject led me to discover a YouTube video that talked about how INFJ’s are walking contradictions. It is something I have heard and explored a little but the video offered some very specific contradictions that seem to be part of most INFJ’s and so after watching it I have to ask myself if they apply to me and more importantly what they mean for me.

8 Reasons Why INFJs are Often Described as a Walking Paradox

I like firstly how the video points out that it is not that we intend to be misleading or lack conviction but that our personality type puts us into these tensions.  We have a high value on personal integrity and these contradictions are mostly due to our complex nature.  With that let us dive into the eight contradictions and see if and how they apply to The Grey Wayfarer.

One – Craving deep connections, but being so private:

My standards of friendship and love are fairly high. This is the product of my desire for deep connection.  I want a few good/great friends not a whole bunch of different ones.  When it comes to love there are certain expectations I have coming back toward me.

The problem, of course, is that I am so very private as a person.  It makes it hard to form those friendships and my wife is learning that love is something very important to me and she needs to spend some time nurturing it or I start to think very dark thoughts about our relationship.  This happened once right after our last child graduated high school and I was expecting that now the two of us would get to spend more time together and rekindle some of that fire we had before kids, but that didn’t happen.  It almost caused a divorce seven years later. Part of that was me having a hard time talking about it and the other was my high expectations.

Two – You find people interesting and draining at the same time:

I am definitely a people watcher but interaction with them is draining, to say the least. I can spend all day on a park bench watching people and studying them.  I have been that way for a long time, pretty much most of my life. But in social situations where I have to interact with people I can only do that for so long and then I have to retreat and regroup periodically.

Three – You can understand people better, but you hardly understand yourself:

Oh yeah, this is why I probably spend so much time talking about my personality and how it works.  It’s more about self-understanding and trying to figure myself out than anything else. I have to think about my motives and desires, where figuring out other people’s motives and desires because of my natural empathy is far easier.

Four –  You love to help others, but you find people annoying at the same time:

Yep.  It made me a good pastor but at the same time a pastor that was constantly annoyed with people continuing to make the same mistakes and continued to drain my time with the same problem. I find the fascinating part of people lasts only so long and then their flaws become so apparent that I am ready to head for the door and when I can’t head to the door I feel trapped.

Five – Being a perfectionist who often forgets small details:

Yep.  I have a whole slew of small routines that are designed to make sure I don’t forget the little things and everything has its place mostly for practical reasons along the same line. I like things to be clean and things to go according to plan.  When small details don’t pan out, I can feel let down for sure.

I also don’t notice the little achievements I make as much.  I am looking for the big goal to be accomplished, so when small successes along the way to those big goals are present, I rarely notice them

Six – You are natural loners, but people often mistake you for an extravert:

“Ed, sometimes you are hard to read” and “But I thought you would like that (insert name of a social event)”.  I have heard those two a lot over the years.  Mostly because I am fun-loving and sarcastically humorous enough to wade through most social situations.  I am confident and my ‘-A’ tells you I am also assertive. I was a pastor that dealt with people on a regular basis. I get mistaken for an extravert a lot.

However, I would rather be home alone reading a book or writing or name that at home alone activity.  I am quite comfortable with my own company so I don’t ‘need’ social situations but I do need them periodically to remind me that I am a member of the human race.

Seven – You want to be in a relationship, but often choose to be single:

I am not single but the issues of being in a relationship that is loving are pretty high for me as I possess very high standards of what love is.  This actually causes a lot of problems in this area as I am very aware of what love is but most cannot live up to what I think. The video is spot on about being in love being rare as it has only happened to me three times and when it does I tend to take it hard when it doesn’t work out.

Eight – They are complex, but they have integrity:

This video describes us as being like an onion that you have to peel layer after layer away to get to a true understanding of an INFJ, and I don’t know too many INFJs that would disagree.  It can take literally years to completely understand all aspects of our personality. In the end, if you take that kind fo time you may actually understand us better than we understand ourselves.

Our idealism, however, has a large amount of personal honor to it.  It is no accident that the part of Asatru I struggle with the most is honor and it is the struggle I consider most important. I find it actually more upsetting to myself at my failure to uphold my honor than I give two shits about what others think of it.

Conclusion:

Being walking contradiction or paradox is probably the most accurate thing I have heard to describe me.  Whether this applies to other INFJs I would not speculate but if it is common enough to talk about this way, it is probably mostly true.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

 

“My Sexual Identity” – Freya’s Chambers – Sexual Identity

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day!!!

Disclaimer:  The topics covered in Freya’s Chambers include serious discussions of sex, sexuality and related issues.  If it isn’t your thing; you can move along, otherwise enjoy and feel free to discuss.  Given the nature of some subjects be prepared for nude images as there may be some.  I avoid genitalia as a general rule but is not always possible.  

Introduction:

I have been writing for about a month on the topic of sex and sexuality and their various issues and the one thing it is high time I do is to write about my own sexual identity.  How do I view myself in regards to my sex and my sexual desires I think will help people understand where I am coming from as far as my own sexual perspective.  A few things up front.

  1. I tend to be very science-oriented about these things.  At least that is where I start.  Much of academia these days listen to the social sciences on these issues but I know as someone who has a social sciences degree in political science that much of what is believed there is indeed political posturing and belief, not actual science. For me, genetics and clinical psychology count a lot; and so, if an opinion does not line up with those, it is probably destined for the scrap heap. I live in the real world using real-world observations, not fanciful fantasy.
  2. That said, part of this is my opinion about said evidence.  Sex and sexuality have fuzzy edges because human beings are not black and white when it comes to these issues.
  3. I am a strong proponent of freedom of choice and liberty regarding these issues.

So I would boil my own sexual identity and orientation down to the following words which I will explain in more depth below: masculine, heterosexual. gynephilic, and egalitarian.

Masculine:

See the source image

I have a penis, so I am male.  I also like being a man and masculine.  I have no shame of any of this and anyone who says I am toxic, even in part, because of my masculinity can bite me, fuck off, etc. I find such statements ironic because they are sexist but trying to address sexism.  So no apologies for being a man and acting in masculine manners.

I suppose being INFJ, my intuitive empathic side is a little feminine but it most definitely expresses itself in the form of masculine reason and logic. I fight to survive and thrive in life.  I am protective of my own. I seek to be strong for those I love. I am loyal to family and principles I hold dear. I seek rational action.  I can be patient with some things, but in the end, something has to be done and the man in me rises up to do it.  I strive for peace but prepare for war.  I am aggressive but strive to tailor that to the situation.

Heterosexual:

Image result for heterosexual

I have actually taken tests in this regard and have a few personal experiences in life and have found I don’t really have any attraction to men sexually speaking at all. I don’t trust the motives of most men for one and I don’t like how they always see the big guy and need to posture and thump their chests trying for dominance over me.  Sorry there dude, – alpha male here.  Save your insecurities for someone who wants to respond to them.

Sexual orientation wise I like girls and don’t like guys.  I was kissed once by a homosexual man, and while I won’t say this is wrong morally, I found it personally distasteful.  Not my thing. The tests I have taken on this issue say I am 90% to 95% heterosexual. Sorry gentlemen I like ladies. In fact, I love women.

Gynephilic:

See the source image

While I have loved a few women very strongly in my life, I would have to say that I have been gynephilic since I hit puberty which for me happened early at about ten.  I love women in general and have ever since.  I am attracted to and admire femininity greatly.  It has gotten me in trouble so many times, but you know I don’t care.  It’s an addiction I will gladly keep because there is a lot of joy in it for me personally.

I love how women think, look, smell and act.  I like the way they walk and talk.  There is still something magical for me about the feminine and if that magic ever goes away, it is probably time for the dirt nap. I have no particular preferences either.  I can usually find the beautiful side of any woman who accepts their femininity in some way.

That’s probably the only turn off for me personally –  when a woman denies their femininity. Note I didn’t say tries to act like a man but denies who they really are.  You can act like a man and I still can know you are a woman because you do it without denying you are a woman.

I love women and it will probably be the death of me, but I will go with a smile on my face.

Egalitarian:

See the source image

I love women to the point I have no desire to dominate them or be dominated by them.  I want to stands as equals with them and I have always loved those moments where I and any woman have worked together; and because it was a woman/man partnership, it seemed actually to work much better than otherwise.

I have come to see through these moments how much better life is when we work together with our male and female strengths coming together to cover our weaknesses as human beings. We need each other and I find the constant bickering and rivalry troubling. While we should be fighting side by side against the chaotic forces of this world, this sexual rivalry, however, seems to rob us of what we could achieve.  Our survival and prosperity depend on us working with each other.

Conclusion:

I suppose as with all things INFJ, I am being idealistic here.  But someone has to do it. It is probably this sexual identity that keeps me looking for the perfect relationship which does not and probably cannot exist for me.  It is this idealism that explains why I go over the edge when I am in love.  But when I look at issues like sex, sexuality and the issues that are related, I must admit I see them through the filter of my own sexual identity.  So what you see written in Freya’s Chambers should be read in that light.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Pack Mentality” – Rogue Wizard – The Fire of Fury – Part 16

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Thor’s Day!

Rogue Wizard’s Journal – September 10th, 2019

Well, it’s been a helluva three days.  Time to write a report of sorts so I can collect my thoughts about it all.

Amber got better and after a day, she had no symptoms of lycanthropy at all.  Apparently, our ‘sexual healing’ sessions have worked and I have transferred my antibodies to her.  Not that we have stopped the sessions.  What is it about sex that we human beings find so addicting given its two potential consequences are so long term.  Of course, now that this Trois love triangle is complete, it actually has had a few Trois sessions of lovemaking.  I don’t know about this sometimes, but we all seem happy about it and Amber is back up being who she was before.

This whole thing has made me realize that the cure for lycanthropy is right in the whole sexual magic thing.  In mage circles, it could literally spread by sexual activity.  I doubt however it would happen because it is outside the box thinking and The council has never been good at that but also it involves a much more open definition of relationships that are emotional and loving. It would require a lot of polyamory and even jumps across those boundaries of sexual mores.

The other issue is where the werewolf came from and we didn’t have to look very far for that one. Lunette shrunk down and put on her leaf clothes and took her tiny dagger and using her illusion magic, did a scout run. For my part, while she was away I set up my wards both on the cabin and sauna bathhouse as well as the path between the two. Anything gets too close and not only would it go off like an alarm in my head but some of my wards turned the crosser into fireballs if they were magical in nature.

This has been good because it has set all of our minds at ease about being surprised again.  So the sauna bath, skinny dipping has resumed.  The sauna bath is now getting used for more than bathing activity now but still we get clean in the end and cooled off in the lake before coming back to the cabin.

We are still all on edge a little.  The werewolf has done one thing for sure and that is it makes us a little more aware of what is going on around us.  Today though Lunette returned from her scouting run, and after taking off her leaves, grows back to normal size.  She was back a little early and that’s when she reported that she found the lair of the werewolves.  A little cabin of their own about five miles away.  She figured there were still five of them.  Most of them were sleeping when she had been there, but there had been one on guard duty and being a werewolf was quite alert.

We now know where they are, and our own little pack is ready for some wolf hunting. I like wolves normally and werewolves, when they are first werewolves, are still pretty much themselves. It the slow rot of the human side of them that makes them dangerous. Some can hold this off for decades but it is inevitable in the end that they become feral.

Our plan is to attack them tomorrow during the day.  This doesn’t necessarily make them weaker just werewolves are usually up all night because they are the moon’s children.  They stay up in the early and later parts of the day much like most people do with the night.  If we hit them in the middle of the day, the element of surprise might help us even the odds at first.  We are all in agreement about what needs to be done which is eliminate them.  We have our own pack mentality.

I have my concerns though.  This is going to draw attention. Attention that we don’t need.  However, if they discover where we are and that we killed one of their own, they will be out for blood.  Their pack mentality demands vendetta and revenge.  Better to attack them first than wait for them to attack us.

Hopefully, there will be another journal entry tomorrow.

Writer’s Notes: 

While I haven’t written on this, people might be asking me a personal question right about now.  Would you actually ever be a part of a polyamorous relationship?  The answer is ‘yes’. But not presently.  My wife and I are under vows which involve exclusivity which I honor because of my belief in Fidelity and Honor so I keep my vows based on this. Now understand as an atheist/agnostic type, the fact those vows were made before ‘God’ does not matter anymore to me,  What matters is my own word and keeping it as much as possible regardless when that word was given.  

See the source image

That said, as a libertarian and now free thinker, I think marriage and the whole licensing and vows things is both unnecessary and a con job.  It is mostly done for religious control reasons, legal reasons (which could be handled by a lawyer and a contract instead) and the states attempt to take rights from you and then make money licensing them back to you. That’s right folks, there is nothing that says I love and trust you like getting the state and religion to give their nod that it is Ok for you to be in a relationship with each other (sarcasm flag). Sorry, you can live with each other, have sex and have children and none of that requires a license or shouldn’t.  The commitment to each other thing is going to be what it is regardless of license, vows or rings.  

But getting back to the personal question, I think it is good for a person to get rid of things like jealousy and possessiveness when it comes to another person. It seems to me that you are getting closer to unconditional love when you do that.  If such love is even possible. So yes I would, but right now I am under my own virtues of honor and fidelity to love only one woman – my wife.  

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!