“Fenris-Fire” – Rogue Wizard – The Fire of Fury – Part 17

Happy Thor’s Day!

Rogue Wizard’s Journal – September 11th, 2019

The fact that I am writing this today indicates that we not only survived our little raid against the local werewolf pack, but we were also successful in wiping them out.  I have to say this has been one of the more emotionally hard missions I have been on since I have been a wizard.  Mostly because now I know for sure a cure for lycanthropy is available but the way it is transferred requires very intimate (as in sex) magic. it also would require werewolves to want to be cured and to accept the idea that sex with a wizard with the antibodies would cure them. A long shot at best.

In the case of this little pack of werewolves, I would say they didn’t want to be cured.  I mean when you have the phrase – ‘werewolves rule’ on the side of the house/cabin you live in that pretty much indicates there is a little fanaticism.  But I am getting ahead of myself.

This morning we awoke and prepared for our attack.  Mostly Amber and I had to sync up our magic.  Each mage has their own magical frequency.  Basically, it means I can cast my fireballs through my own shields because they have the same magical resonance.  But Amber’s fireball hit my shields and can’t go through. The thing is on this raid I knew the best strategy was for me to full-on be the shield guy while Amber stayed inside my shield and did the fireball thing to the werewolves. Lunette’s role was to channel and distract the werewolves until Amber and I could handle them one at a time or in at most a couple.

But that meant syncing my magic with Amber’s so her fire could go through my shields. This involves a small ritual known to most mages and it lasts until the sunset.  It is a small binding ritual but to make it stronger, Amber and I did it skyclad (not a problem as you can imagine).  Then we geared up.

Amber had brought her a more practical short dress outfit. More of a cheerleader uniform with long sleeves, knee-high boots, and gloves. She wore a ruby necklace that I knew would augment her powers.  All red of course.  Lunette shrunk down and put on her little leaf outfit and attached her dagger.

For myself, I grabbed my favorite T-shirt.  It has a raven sitting on a skull in the middle with the words ‘Too many idiots, not enough axes” written around the picture. Jeans, hiking boots. and my valknut pendant.  It was pretty warm outside despite the early fall so no hoodie.

We headed out with Amber and I walking and Luneette guiding the way and scouting.  It was a good walk and took about an hour, but soon we were over a cabin in the woods.  Lunette landed on my shoulder and kissed my cheek and Amber took my hand for a few seconds.  Then Lunette used her illusion to make us invisible and we approached the cabin.

It was high noon so the werewolves were fast asleep but one was prowling on guard duty.  He was our first target.  He was in human form. probably middle-aged and tall but skinny. When he stopped and began sniffing we knew he had detected us but couldn’t place us.

“Now”, I said.

Lunette sped away like a bullet and struck the guard right in the face with her pixie pinball thing she does. I put both my hands together and cast my shield spell expanding it around Amber and myself.  Amber let loose with her fireball and it passed through my shield and struck the werewolf before he even had a chance to growl. Then however he screamed.

That of course brought a commotion inside the cabin we could hear.  Lunette zipped inside going right through a windowpane.  This was followed by cries of confusion and pain.  One of them ran out of the front door.  She was naked and transforming.  Amber never gave her a chance to finish and then there was a second burning werewolf corpse.

That made the odds even and Lunette shot out of the cabin.  Amber followed our plan and basically set the cabin on fire.  We were giving the surviving werewolves a choice. Burn alive inside or come out and fight.  All three chose the latter but they were stupid and came out one at a time. Now, they were fully transformed so they were fast as hell. The first one got a few steps toward us before Amber torched her.  But the next to last one got close enough to swipe at us, but his claws scratched harmless against my shield. He roared in frustration and it was the last sound he made before Amber torched him too.

The last werewolf took off out the back away from us but Lunette caught him and then pinballed him until he was standing still swiping at air trying to hit her. Amber let another fireball fly and there there was a final fifth Fenris-Fire burning on the ground. They hadn’t had a chance.  It was a slaughter.

We came home pretty much in silence. The cabin was burning behind us.  Thankfully far enough from the trees and we did hear fire engine sirens as we got further away.  The werewolves would be burned to ash leaving no trace.  Just a cabin that caught on fire for some reason to the local authorities.  I still worry though the magical forces would detect something quite different.

When we got home we all stripped down to our skin and headed to the sauna.  We all took turns being bathed by the other two.  Made love as a Trois and then did a skinny dip to cool off. Combat always made me horny and still does. Apparently, that is true for the girls as well.  The girls are talking right now about the battle and I am writing the record of it.  My fear is that we just set off a beacon any mage could see was us.  I hate my hunches as they seem paranoid, but damn if I am not right most of the time.

Writer’s Notes: 

Probably not the most dramatic battle scene, but I want to give the impression that my threesome is not only sexy as hell but deadly. They can handle themselves.  This is also the first time Amber has gotten to show her stuff in battle proper.  Yes, she is a badass fire mage. 

One might say the werewolves were treated callously but Amber has good reason to hate them and so does the Rogue Wizard.  Lunette, as all fae, has an ancient feud with both werewolves and vampires.  My character has a long history by now of killing with magic. Yeah, he still has his moments of ‘what if’ but there is a recognition of time and place being right for reflection on the morality of the situaiton.    

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Pagan Holidays: Winternights / Halloween – Part 1” – Odin’s Eye

Happy Woden’s (Odin’s) Day.    

Discussion:

Last year I had very little time to discuss my favorite holiday – Halloween but also I was just developing in my understanding of pagan holidays and what they meant to me. At this point, with The Grey Wayfarer heading into its second year, I think and feel it is time to look at what we are celebrating at this time of year and have a little fun.

In pagan terms, Halloween translates to Winternights for the Norse Tradition.  Winternights runs from October 29th to November 2nd so there is more to it than a single day although the Winternights Festival is October 31st.  Winter begins officially for pagans on this day and the Wild Hunt is said to be released.  It is at this point all the darker beings and spiritual forces are venerated or perhaps it is best said – appeased from the Norns to Hel the goddess of the dead.

See the source image

This is after all about honoring the dead from the past year and harvest which is basically the beginning gathering dead plants and butchering animals that won’t last the winter in preparation for winter.

There is a custom I find interesting in regards to harvest and the Norse religion.  Leaving the last bits of the harvest – the ‘last sheaf’ as it were – for Odin.  The god of the dead and all-father gets part fo the harvest to signal its end as he is the one said to lead the Wild Hunt. The point being that roads and fields no longer belong to humans but to The Hunt.

See the source image

Time to Look Through the Eye:

“To see the truth, change one eye for another”

Faith:

When I look at winternights from a faith perspective, it is not so much a celebration of all the spiritual forces for me but of the finality of life as being part of life itself.  Everything comes to an end. The Hunt becomes symbolic of how the winter washes the leftovers away and begins life anew in the Spring.  Nature is a wonderful force of life, death, and renewal and we need to have some awe and wonder about that.

See the source image

Meditation:

I have been asked what meaning in life that an atheist can possibly have.  It is a good question as many people think without life after death life doesn’t mean much.  I would say then they haven’t really defined for themselves or discovered the meaning of their life. As an atheist, I define my own meaning and that is what scares people.  People who think others should be controlled would not like this as they use either religion or politics to do so.  For me meaning has been found in my times of meditation as I build my life myself.  People who understand this level of liberty are truly free.

See the source image

Theology:

Theology’s only use for me these days is to point out flaws in theology. It is a fun exercise to be a theologian who is effectively an atheist.  In a sense, I start theologically now from zero and people need to show me how and why I should add to that. The issue for winternights is that I look at its celebration as recovering a lost heritage not some reference to gods or goddesses in any other way than that.

See the source image

Spirituality:

Holloween offers me a chance to be in connection with my fellow weirdos as far as the general spirit of the holiday. I don’t have much money, so a costume is out but I think that my own addition to the creative spirit of this holiday will be to carve a pumpkin or two.  Someday, I want to join this and other celebrations with a full heart and effort.  But I feel some major change is needed both in the realms of practicality and in mind and heart.

See the source image

Conclusion:

This opening part has been about the holiday.  The next two will be some of my personal thoughts as we get closer to it and the final part will drop the day before Halloween itself.  You might even get a few personal pictures as we head toward and through winternights.

One final note:  you have probably noticed all the wonderful pin-ups in this post. I love pin-up girls as an art form plus they are sexy as hell, and Halloween has a lot of them. This week all of them come from one of my favorite artists – Matt Dixon.  I prefer the more vintage classic artists, but Dixon has his own style that is edgy and I like that. 

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Reinventing Myself” – A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues.

Happy Wooden’s (Odin’s) Day

Journal Entry:

You wouldn’t think that reinventing yourself at 50 would be that hard.  I agree with Steve Harvey on the idea that you are never too old to do it, but I also feel like society throws more obstacles in the way of older people doing this than younger ones.

I guess the hardest thing is selling your experience without asking too much for it because you are engaged in a career change.  I just want a better job with better pay.  Not asking for the moon here.  I am hitting crunch time though as the student loan payments are coming soon and it would be nice to not have to do a deferment.

As far as bucket list items in this area, there are a couple changes.  Mostly this is a writer’s bucket list, not a business man’s bucket list and I have one major bucket list change below to reflect that.

Self-Reliance:

“Self-Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual but also for the family, clan, tribe, and nation.”

Principle: To achieve and maintain personal independence and advocate for independence in my family, state and nation.

Goal:  Find a new, better paying job by March 2019.

Bucket ListTo be a published author of at least five books by March 2029

New here, to reflect my change of vocational vision. Writers write for publication so that is where I am heading.  That’s about one book every couple of years minimum.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with the enjoyment of work itself.

GoalFinalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019 (achieved)

Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published by March 2022.

No changes and fits now even better.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: To share out of my abundance to help people where I can with their life’s journey.

Goal: By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List: To own my own home by March 2024.

I still want to own my own home so this stays.

Higher Virtue – Justice:

I don’t know if my interaction with others is the same as it was.  I know I have as a goal to treat people in such a way that I would never do to them what I didn’t want to be done to me and I consider that justice.   That said I don’t just forgive anymore – you have to earn that.

Work Day Routine:

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Weightlifting: Gym time – 1 hour after work.
  5. Writing: Half-Hour on top of the blogging routine each day. Alternate between Non-Fiction Book and Novel.
  6. Reading – 1 chapter min.
  7. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, job search, other actions, etc.
  8. Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
  9. Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 2

This is the one routine that will stay the same. It works when I do it.

Still walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Security” – Space Tramp – Chapter 9 (MegaTraveller Fan Fiction)

Happy Tyr’s Day

Story:

Jeremiah was laying in bed staring at the ceiling.  Next to him laying naked on her belly was 3rd Officer Kate Stuvak.  A woman who he had met and shared a night of passion with four years ago before she shipped out the next day.  For the last year though they had been shipmates and lovers.  But right now they were on Regina in the hotel next to The Naked Gypsy, ironically in the same room in which they had made love four years ago.  He glanced over to her, even laying on her side, her figure was sensual.  He had come to know it well this past year.

A year ago, Jeremiah had been determined to get a position that reflected his experience and as luck would have it a captain was drawn to him and his latest escapade.  The issue was security as Captain Ping was looking for people that could handle themselves in a fight and Jeremiah with his last mission fit the bill.  Captain Ping was a short man of Zhodani decent but was born without psionic powers. His ship The Efate Starmaid was scheduled for a route going from Regina to Efate and back again. He had an engineer and a steward.  He needed a medic and pilot. Jeremiah became the pilot and navigator.

Jeremiah stowed his gear the next day and met the engineer and steward. Both first-class spacers who also had some form of martial talent.  Both were married to each other with twelve years of experience each. Mr. and Mrs. Angelos were both very good at what they did and had been with Captain Ping for a couple years. Fine couple and they were sharing a stateroom which meant Captian Ping could take on another passenger.

One day before they shoved off, Captian Ping located a Medic. This was needed because of the Starmaid possessing eight cold berths for travel and in this case, a particularly long cold sleep would be required as part of their trip would be through a series of E class starports (read bedrock landing place and nothing else) requiring them to refuel at gas giants.  Those passengers would be about four months in cold sleep. This was also the reason he was looking for crew who could fight – pirates loved such places.

When Jeremiah saw Kate striding up next to Captain Ping, he smiled at her and she smiled a very knowing and naughty smile back.  She leaned over and said something in Captain Ping’s ear and then he looked at both of them and shook his head but smiled happily. Jeremiah walked over to Kate.

“What did you say to the captain?”

“I told him he wouldn’t need to be showing me my stateroom because I would be sharing with you.”

Jeremiah led her to his room and it became their room.  It meant only three of the staterooms had crewmen, so that meant five for passengers. While he helped unpack her knapsack, she brought him up to date.

Kate had made the return journey hopping Free Traders and working her way back to Regina. She had made it to the edge of the Corridor Sector and decided to head back. She had passed her 3rd Officer exam last year and had been getting medical training for the last couple of years.  No steady boyfriends, she was a spacer after all.

“How’s the wound?”, she asked.

“Ok, just a scar now.”

‘Well, I have one of my own”

She turned around a dropped her pants and underwear. Sure enough, there was a long scar on her left buttock at least ten centimeters long.

“Firefight with some pirates in the Corridor sector.  Vargr crossing the border and raiding.  I had my ass up too high and one of them shot me.  That’s why I turned around.”

Jeremiah licked his lips, he had forgotten how sensual she was.  She laughed, then dropped her pants and underwear around her ankles as she stood up straight.  She stepped out of them kicking off her shoes at the same time.  She turned around and pulled her shirt up over her head revealing those wonderful breasts of hers he remembered so well.  She smiled and spoke.

“We have a couple hours.  Why don’t you lock the door?”

Two hours later they were flushed, happier and listening to Captain Ping.

Ping was an Imperial Navy Commander (retired).  He had somehow come into possession of the Starmaid, and he was a firm and fair captain. Being former navy he was prepared for combat and that was wise given the long stretch of gas giant refills.  He insisted they all learn how to handle a handgun and/or turret weapons.  Jeremiah had basic skills but Ping had him being a fair pistol marksman by the end of the trip.  In the event of combat, Ping would take the pilot seat and Jeremiah would handle the turret weapons and sensors.  Mr. Angleos would handle engineering and repairs as necessary.  Kate and Mrs. Angelos would keep the passengers calm and safe.

In than it was a lot of preparation but for naught as nothing happened and they arrived in Efate and then returned back to Regina. The trip was more profitable than expected but the expenses piled up more than expected too.  No bonus, but Kate and Jeremiah got a letter of recommendation from Captian Ping for their great work. Unfortunately, the Starmaid was going to be in port for some maintenance and upgrades. Otherwise, he would have signed them both back on.

Kate and Jeremiah had gotten along quite well and it was enjoyable to ‘come home’ each night to some company. It was sort of like playing being married but as she would joke – with far more sex than a married couple. It was just that Kate’s main ambition was to use the Free Traders to be a doctor. Jeremiah knew that would eventually lead her to settle down.  Something he knew he would probably never do.  They both needed to find a new position and it was a safe bet that finding the same ship both of them could get a job on was slim.

He looked at her.  He was rather fond of her, but he was a spacer.  He cuddled up to her and woke her in a way he had done many times so that she was eventually moaning in his ear. It was the first time in a while he had not been in the brothel at The Naked Gypsy to start a new year.  He hoped Kate brought him better luck than the prostitutes usually gave him.

The next morning Jeremiah walked into the Free Trader offices and reenlisted.  No problems and he smiled with his papers now updated.  Next year he could try for 1st Officer and that meant some real money.  He had already started putting away a lot of money.  He still wanted his own ship and that was a lot of MegaCredits.  He headed back to the hotel to find Kate was gone.  He pulled up his personal device and she had left a text that she had found a ship and was shoving off in a few minutes. She thanked him for an enjoyable year and that she hoped they would bunk again sometime. She wished him the best of luck.

Jeremiah was sad she was gone but relieved that the long tearful goodbye he was expecting didn’t happen.  He sat on the empty bed and called up the job roster for the Free Traders.  The best way to move on was to find work.

Megatraveler Notes:

Start:

Free Trader 2rd Officer Jeremiah Kilwood

Rank: O3 – 2nd Officer   Terms Served: 1

UPP: A67A74   Age: 25  Homeworld: Strouden UWP: A-745988-D N Hi In

Skills: Pilot – 1, Navigation – 1, Engineering – 1, Sensor Ops – 1, Legal – 1, Carousing – 1, Small Blade-1, Turret Weapons-1, Streetwise – 1, Zero-G Combat-1, Grav Vehicle – 0, Computer – 0, Handgun – 0, Vacc Suit – 0

Brownie Points: 3, Bonus Money: 25000 Cr.

Year Eight:

Roll for position availability: 9 + 1 for Intelligence = 10  – position available, serves as 2nd Officer

Roll for assignment: 4 + 1 for Social 5- = 5 – Route Assignment

Survival Roll:  8 – Survives.

Skill Roll: 11  – Skill acquired.

Bonus: 9  – No Bonus

Roll for Skills: ( 1 for skill roll): Rolls Officer Skills table: 4 – Gun Combat Cascade – pick Handgun – 1

Roll for Reenlistment: 8 -reenlists

1 Brownie Point earned for the term completed.

Year-End

Free Trader 2rd Officer Jeremiah Kilwood

Rank: O3 – 2nd Officer   Terms Served: 2

UPP: A67A74   Age: 26  Homeworld: Strouden UWP: A-745988-D N Hi In

Skills: Pilot – 1, Navigation – 1, Engineering – 1, Sensor Ops – 1, Legal – 1, Carousing – 1, Small Blade-1, Turret Weapons-1, Streetwise – 1, Zero-G Combat-1, Handgun – 1, Grav Vehicle – 0, Computer – 0, Vacc Suit – 0

Brownie Points: 4, Bonus Money: 25000 Cr.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Two Toms, John and Me” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Libertarianism

Happy Mani’s Day

Discussion:

Last week the discussion centered around anarchism where I basically stated that I consider it the morally purest and yet most naive idea about government – that is it is best not to have one.  In that post (link), I also stated that the government, if we are going to have one, needs to have certain qualities. This whole idea and the three things I said government needed to have comes direct5ly from my readings of John Locke and the practical application of his principles by two Toms – Thomas Jefferson and Thomas Paine.  These were in my mind the beginnings of practical classical liberalism which sees its incarnation in the United States of the late 18th century.

It is from these men that much fo my own libertarian philosophy is derived from.  Granting people as much freedom as possible is actually a key to prosperity.  I suppose I do look a little romantically toward the founding of my nation and then look at the current state of things a go – what the serious fuck.  The enlightenment founding fathers were probably the first men to really ask the question of how to have an effective but small government with the maximum amount of liberty and actually put what they wanted more or less in place.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

Through these gentlemen, I come back to my three things needed to do this:

  1.  Recognizing that the citizens are the boss, the government is the servant, not the master.
  2. Having a great concern to defend the rights of individuals, in fact, it should be made as one of the central duties of government.
  3. The citizens should have the means to overthrow said government if it attempts to violate the two above.

As the anarchist reminds us, we don’t need government, but we are probably going to have one, so what we need is safeguarding against tyranny and totalitarianism.

Wants (Freki):

The kind of government then that we want gives us the three above conditions. It starts with the Idea of ‘We the People’ establishing this government and granting it powers and then limiting them. It makes sure the rights of the citizen are spelled out and gives restrictions and limitations on what the government can do in regard to those rights.  Mostly protect them but not interfere.  It also should protect the means to overthrow the government if it becomes tyrannical.  Weapons stay in the hands of civilians.

Reason (Huginn):

Led by Paine and Jefferson and using Locke’s principles all three were maintained in a constitution that granted powers to the government by consent of the governed.  It created a bill fo rights that the government could not strip from the citizen regardless of democratic action.  One of those rights the right to keep and bear arms for the very event and purpose of revolution against tyranny.

Wisdom (Muninn):

What was created was a very wise government that was small.  The problem is as we go along this constitution and the principles behind it are regarded as a tradition rather than law.  This seems to have the same effect as when the Roman republic began to see its traditions erode and tyranny became more possible.

Much the same is happening in the United States right now as the Constitution must be evoked by those who are willing to back it up with force and there seems to be less and less of those people.  I am not one of them but I am also not an idiot.  No government lasts forever.  But the principles of liberty, life, the pursuit of happiness and property ownership, need to remain regardless.

Conclusion:

As I consider my reading list for next year I am thinking Locke, Paine and Jefferson need to be among them.  I need to apply my libertarian principles and my sense of practicality to the modern issues fo how to maintain freedom in the face of two parties that seem hell-bent on restricting or limiting rights which they have no authority from the people to limit.  Making sure people can act in self-reliance is a worthy quest.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“A Writer’s Bucket List” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

Happy Mani’s Day

Journal Entry:

Well, I have reached the week where I look at my bucket list but I have also added the additional task of redoing my Routines.  Mostly though my decision to be a writer first and whatever else to pay the bills means some changes to both.  I have to develop two habits to do that 1) writing (on top fo the blog consistently every day) and 2) Reading.  I need to work that in right now and have some goals or bucket list items attached to them.

My bucket list is really about long term goals and having those mile markers on the journey where I can say – ‘hey. life is good’.  There are a couple bucket list items that looking at them may not be completely of this vein so I am thinking of changing them and they should reflect in some way the virtue I have attached them to as well.  it has been a year for many of them so it is time for a look again because what motivates me and inspires me has probably changed.

Routine changes are more about finding what practically works.  My morning routine works but my formal meditation time need some attention. The work and rest Day routines simply need to be ordered so the reading and writing get done every single day.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).  (achieved)

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

I still want to do this.  I do have as kind fo a side identity being a hiker and wayfarer in real life.  I want to see this as my first big hike. It stays.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

I still want to do this.  One of my other ones is to visit the lands of my ancestors and I don’t think anyone has ever mentioned Hungarian ancestry, but I still love the city of Budapest.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in the year 2020.

This bucket list item has been learning Latin but I have just not been able to inspire myself to learn it. More fitting with a writer and a desire for a long term goal about reading specifically, I want to read 52 books a year and that comes out to one per week. I decided the calendar year would be more appropriate for this one andI will probably use Goodreads for this for accountability.  I am going to however work this one in as soon as possible into the routine so once 2020 starts I will have developed the habit a bit.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I still struggle with this tension of being a natural care for others kind fo guy but neglecting myself at times. There are certain issues in my heart and head because of it. I have been meditating on this issue a lot but few things come into focus. its the age-old issue of self-love and care not getting done but me working hard to make others happy.

Morning Routine:

  1. Stretching / Yoga
  2. Shower, Personal Hygiene. Morning Meds.
  3. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  4. Meditation – 5 min.
  5. Check Communications and Email.
  6. Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

I find the biggest obstacle to formal meditation is I am not awake enough to concentrate on it and I feel a little grungy too.  I figure doing my stretching and getting a shower will do that.  I also have split my medications and supplements into two things so the don’t upset my stomach as much.  My payday is coming up and I want to order some candles and I found a company that produces valknut plaques of a sort for meditation. Time to get this meditation time truly formal as it helps me far too much to not do it or be hit and miss anymore.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Freya – If You Can’t Lay ‘Em, Slay ‘Em” (Asatru – Part 14) – The Pagan Pulpit

Happy Sol’s Day

Announcements:

We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods, goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.

We also don’t take an offering here.  We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it.  Let’s be honest, offerings are not given to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it.  Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never sees a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.

Theme Song: “Freya Song” – Sascha Ravendark

Meditation:
Image may contain: meme and text

 

Text:

See the source image

If you want more details about Asatru, I can’t recommend this book enough.

Sermon: 

Now there is a historical debate as far as the development of Norse religion regarding Frigg and Freya being the same goddess that at some point split in two with one aspect of this goddess being Odin’s wife (Frigg) and the other becoming the hostage of the Vanir along with her brother Freyr being the other, but even if they were once the same they become very different in the mythological stories later.

Freya and Frigg have many of the same spheres: Love, Fertility and prophetic magic. But they diverge as Frigg seems more of a homebody of hearth and home.  Frigg seems to be the aspect of the woman and man would want to settle down with as a wife.  Freya, on the other hand, is the girl you want to party with, fight alongside, and fuck.  Or rather given her far more aggressive nature – let her fuck you. She is very independent and self-reliant much like the cats who are her symbol.

Freya is actually associated with the spheres of beauty, sex and war, things Frigg is far less associated with.  She is a far more aggressive female than Frigg and far more passionate and warlike being also a goddess associated with death.  It is, after all, the goddess who gets to take half the slain in battle to her hall. Captian of the Valkyrie, she is one of the choosers of the slain giving half to Odin for Valhalla and keeping the other half for herself.  I don’t remember where I read this, but one commenter said she really had the motto of = “if you can’t lay ’em, slay ’em”.  She was either going to fuck you or fight you and kill you.

For the followers of Asatru, she represents fertility much like her brother Freyr and is involved in all things productive. But she is also invoked in matters of the heart whether love or conflict. It is said that her worshipers have evidence of their existence long before any others except Odin and her worship was the last to die out when the Christians came. A large testimony to her veneration. She would make a very good goddess for any shieldmaiden.

For me, this splitting of feminine nature seems very necessary.  Frigg being the quiet passionate strength behind the throne of Odin.  But Freya, well she is the openly passionate side of women.  That raw animalistic love and anger that they can be quite famous for. I love both sides and it leads me to believe that this split (if a split actually occurred) might very well simply be a reflection of this understanding.  That man at some point in his life needs a Freya to inspire him with passionate side of women and then needs a Frigg to give him strength as a father and husband. Perhaps it is reflective that no woman can be both of those, or such a woman is incredibly rare even among the goddesses.

Parting Thought:

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I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“The Walking Paradox – INFJ” – The Rabyd Skald

Happy Sif’s Day

Anyone who has been a part of The Grey Wayfarer family knows that I talk often about my personality type.  Myers-Briggs to me does a fairly decent job of defining personality through its simple four-letter designation.  Well, four letters and dash with either an A or T behind it to indicate whether one’s identity is assertive or turbulent.  In my case, my full letter combo is INFJ-A. I have found that in exploring the implications of this I have discovered more about myself and it has helped me with that struggle because as we will see in a moment, INFJ’s struggle with this.

My recent musings into the subject led me to discover a YouTube video that talked about how INFJ’s are walking contradictions. It is something I have heard and explored a little but the video offered some very specific contradictions that seem to be part of most INFJ’s and so after watching it I have to ask myself if they apply to me and more importantly what they mean for me.

8 Reasons Why INFJs are Often Described as a Walking Paradox

I like firstly how the video points out that it is not that we intend to be misleading or lack conviction but that our personality type puts us into these tensions.  We have a high value on personal integrity and these contradictions are mostly due to our complex nature.  With that let us dive into the eight contradictions and see if and how they apply to The Grey Wayfarer.

One – Craving deep connections, but being so private:

My standards of friendship and love are fairly high. This is the product of my desire for deep connection.  I want a few good/great friends not a whole bunch of different ones.  When it comes to love there are certain expectations I have coming back toward me.

The problem, of course, is that I am so very private as a person.  It makes it hard to form those friendships and my wife is learning that love is something very important to me and she needs to spend some time nurturing it or I start to think very dark thoughts about our relationship.  This happened once right after our last child graduated high school and I was expecting that now the two of us would get to spend more time together and rekindle some of that fire we had before kids, but that didn’t happen.  It almost caused a divorce seven years later. Part of that was me having a hard time talking about it and the other was my high expectations.

Two – You find people interesting and draining at the same time:

I am definitely a people watcher but interaction with them is draining, to say the least. I can spend all day on a park bench watching people and studying them.  I have been that way for a long time, pretty much most of my life. But in social situations where I have to interact with people I can only do that for so long and then I have to retreat and regroup periodically.

Three – You can understand people better, but you hardly understand yourself:

Oh yeah, this is why I probably spend so much time talking about my personality and how it works.  It’s more about self-understanding and trying to figure myself out than anything else. I have to think about my motives and desires, where figuring out other people’s motives and desires because of my natural empathy is far easier.

Four –  You love to help others, but you find people annoying at the same time:

Yep.  It made me a good pastor but at the same time a pastor that was constantly annoyed with people continuing to make the same mistakes and continued to drain my time with the same problem. I find the fascinating part of people lasts only so long and then their flaws become so apparent that I am ready to head for the door and when I can’t head to the door I feel trapped.

Five – Being a perfectionist who often forgets small details:

Yep.  I have a whole slew of small routines that are designed to make sure I don’t forget the little things and everything has its place mostly for practical reasons along the same line. I like things to be clean and things to go according to plan.  When small details don’t pan out, I can feel let down for sure.

I also don’t notice the little achievements I make as much.  I am looking for the big goal to be accomplished, so when small successes along the way to those big goals are present, I rarely notice them

Six – You are natural loners, but people often mistake you for an extravert:

“Ed, sometimes you are hard to read” and “But I thought you would like that (insert name of a social event)”.  I have heard those two a lot over the years.  Mostly because I am fun-loving and sarcastically humorous enough to wade through most social situations.  I am confident and my ‘-A’ tells you I am also assertive. I was a pastor that dealt with people on a regular basis. I get mistaken for an extravert a lot.

However, I would rather be home alone reading a book or writing or name that at home alone activity.  I am quite comfortable with my own company so I don’t ‘need’ social situations but I do need them periodically to remind me that I am a member of the human race.

Seven – You want to be in a relationship, but often choose to be single:

I am not single but the issues of being in a relationship that is loving are pretty high for me as I possess very high standards of what love is.  This actually causes a lot of problems in this area as I am very aware of what love is but most cannot live up to what I think. The video is spot on about being in love being rare as it has only happened to me three times and when it does I tend to take it hard when it doesn’t work out.

Eight – They are complex, but they have integrity:

This video describes us as being like an onion that you have to peel layer after layer away to get to a true understanding of an INFJ, and I don’t know too many INFJs that would disagree.  It can take literally years to completely understand all aspects of our personality. In the end, if you take that kind fo time you may actually understand us better than we understand ourselves.

Our idealism, however, has a large amount of personal honor to it.  It is no accident that the part of Asatru I struggle with the most is honor and it is the struggle I consider most important. I find it actually more upsetting to myself at my failure to uphold my honor than I give two shits about what others think of it.

Conclusion:

Being walking contradiction or paradox is probably the most accurate thing I have heard to describe me.  Whether this applies to other INFJs I would not speculate but if it is common enough to talk about this way, it is probably mostly true.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

 

“My Sexual Identity” – Freya’s Chambers – Sexual Identity

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day!!!

Disclaimer:  The topics covered in Freya’s Chambers include serious discussions of sex, sexuality and related issues.  If it isn’t your thing; you can move along, otherwise enjoy and feel free to discuss.  Given the nature of some subjects be prepared for nude images as there may be some.  I avoid genitalia as a general rule but is not always possible.  

Introduction:

I have been writing for about a month on the topic of sex and sexuality and their various issues and the one thing it is high time I do is to write about my own sexual identity.  How do I view myself in regards to my sex and my sexual desires I think will help people understand where I am coming from as far as my own sexual perspective.  A few things up front.

  1. I tend to be very science-oriented about these things.  At least that is where I start.  Much of academia these days listen to the social sciences on these issues but I know as someone who has a social sciences degree in political science that much of what is believed there is indeed political posturing and belief, not actual science. For me, genetics and clinical psychology count a lot; and so, if an opinion does not line up with those, it is probably destined for the scrap heap. I live in the real world using real-world observations, not fanciful fantasy.
  2. That said, part of this is my opinion about said evidence.  Sex and sexuality have fuzzy edges because human beings are not black and white when it comes to these issues.
  3. I am a strong proponent of freedom of choice and liberty regarding these issues.

So I would boil my own sexual identity and orientation down to the following words which I will explain in more depth below: masculine, heterosexual. gynephilic, and egalitarian.

Masculine:

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I have a penis, so I am male.  I also like being a man and masculine.  I have no shame of any of this and anyone who says I am toxic, even in part, because of my masculinity can bite me, fuck off, etc. I find such statements ironic because they are sexist but trying to address sexism.  So no apologies for being a man and acting in masculine manners.

I suppose being INFJ, my intuitive empathic side is a little feminine but it most definitely expresses itself in the form of masculine reason and logic. I fight to survive and thrive in life.  I am protective of my own. I seek to be strong for those I love. I am loyal to family and principles I hold dear. I seek rational action.  I can be patient with some things, but in the end, something has to be done and the man in me rises up to do it.  I strive for peace but prepare for war.  I am aggressive but strive to tailor that to the situation.

Heterosexual:

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I have actually taken tests in this regard and have a few personal experiences in life and have found I don’t really have any attraction to men sexually speaking at all. I don’t trust the motives of most men for one and I don’t like how they always see the big guy and need to posture and thump their chests trying for dominance over me.  Sorry there dude, – alpha male here.  Save your insecurities for someone who wants to respond to them.

Sexual orientation wise I like girls and don’t like guys.  I was kissed once by a homosexual man, and while I won’t say this is wrong morally, I found it personally distasteful.  Not my thing. The tests I have taken on this issue say I am 90% to 95% heterosexual. Sorry gentlemen I like ladies. In fact, I love women.

Gynephilic:

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While I have loved a few women very strongly in my life, I would have to say that I have been gynephilic since I hit puberty which for me happened early at about ten.  I love women in general and have ever since.  I am attracted to and admire femininity greatly.  It has gotten me in trouble so many times, but you know I don’t care.  It’s an addiction I will gladly keep because there is a lot of joy in it for me personally.

I love how women think, look, smell and act.  I like the way they walk and talk.  There is still something magical for me about the feminine and if that magic ever goes away, it is probably time for the dirt nap. I have no particular preferences either.  I can usually find the beautiful side of any woman who accepts their femininity in some way.

That’s probably the only turn off for me personally –  when a woman denies their femininity. Note I didn’t say tries to act like a man but denies who they really are.  You can act like a man and I still can know you are a woman because you do it without denying you are a woman.

I love women and it will probably be the death of me, but I will go with a smile on my face.

Egalitarian:

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I love women to the point I have no desire to dominate them or be dominated by them.  I want to stands as equals with them and I have always loved those moments where I and any woman have worked together; and because it was a woman/man partnership, it seemed actually to work much better than otherwise.

I have come to see through these moments how much better life is when we work together with our male and female strengths coming together to cover our weaknesses as human beings. We need each other and I find the constant bickering and rivalry troubling. While we should be fighting side by side against the chaotic forces of this world, this sexual rivalry, however, seems to rob us of what we could achieve.  Our survival and prosperity depend on us working with each other.

Conclusion:

I suppose as with all things INFJ, I am being idealistic here.  But someone has to do it. It is probably this sexual identity that keeps me looking for the perfect relationship which does not and probably cannot exist for me.  It is this idealism that explains why I go over the edge when I am in love.  But when I look at issues like sex, sexuality and the issues that are related, I must admit I see them through the filter of my own sexual identity.  So what you see written in Freya’s Chambers should be read in that light.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Nutrition and Weightlifting Notes” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

I do love that feeling.  It is interesting that life is much easier when you are physically strong. There is no doubt about that. I was moving some boxes the other day at work and to me it was pretty easy, then one of my coworkers tried to do some of them and damn near gave themselves a hernia. I realized it is not that they were so weak, but the boxes were much lighter to me than them.

Another report I can make is that my weight has dropped another six pounds to 274 lbs. (124 kg – for the rest of the world) this month.  I started this particular leg of the journey two years ago at 348 lbs. (158 kg) so that’s a drop of 74 lbs (34 kg) total.  I love metric but this sounds so much more impressive in Imperial.  I still have a little bit of fat to lose, and loose skin to tighten, so we continue. The goal, after all, is to look good naked. My frame being 6’4″, things are starting to get good in clothes.  you kind of get that when you catch women looking at your ass.

The other good thing is my A1c number being at 5.7.  Normal is 4.1 to 5.6 and given I started at 8.4 three years ago, things are going in the right direction.  My goal is to be in the normal range next appointment which is in March. Diabetes is losing; so that is good.

I wish I could say there was some special trick but it basically has been three factors in priority order:

  1. Nutrition – Paleo Diet and making it more refined every month.
  2. Weightlifting – Bodybuilding style pushing the last set to failure.
  3. Walking/Hiking

I do need to make some adjustments because I want to see how leaned out I can get.  See below.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April 30th, 2020 – Beltane.

I have eliminated bread for the most part.  Most of the carbs that are left are from cheat meals twice a week and my two carb a day allowance.  The next thing to go will be the allowance completely and that is going to require some study this next month or so. Making truly paleo meals is the next goal, so the holidays will be easier when I have to be social and I am not dieting in those moments.  After new year, the goal will be to be true paleo except for cheat meals. That is the key to diet, being able to occasionally have what you want to eat, but the rest of the time be tight.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

Up til now I have been going in and doing what comes naturally which is pretty new to me as I usually have a logbook to fill out with each set and rep, but this has been good in that I have not done anything overly stressing on my joints. But I need to get back to the scientific approach to make sure every muscle and muscle group is getting worked efficiently.  Barbells have returned but need to be more utilized with a more balanced approach as far as the type of equipment too.  Time for a little more planning before each workout.

It’s getting colder so hiking training is going to move indoors to the days I work out at the gym. One half-hour of walking on the treadmill with a weight vest might be a good winter alternative.

Fidelity:

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

Goal Achieved

Higher Virtue – Wisdom:

A long life with high quality is the goal here.  I have lived 50 years and I would like 50 more and the worst I ever want to be is maybe having to use as staff like Gandalf the Grey at 100. Being wise in these things means engaging overall health.  Nutrition is the most important thing but I think my exercise forms are both long term in their focus as well.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Walking – 1 hour.
  5. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  6. Reading – half an hour for enjoyment.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 4

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
  4. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!