Happy Saturn’s Day
Sorry, once again no Crossing Bifrost this week. I am still reading a lot on Norse Mythology right now and next week I will take on the goddess Frigg. For this week, it is time I took two poems I have written this month and make them blogging canon. This one will drop now and the second one later this afternoon.
“The Storm” by Edward W. Raby, Sr.:
Wind, grey skies and pouring rain.
The Storm rages in my soul.
Fed by my inner pain.
Will I ever be whole?
I tighten my grip on the staff of my reality
Knowing only the treading of my feet
Boots grinding through grey mud
Soaked in sorrow, but my heart closed
Numb to the cold of The Grey
I struggle onward, not daring to feel
Lest my tears join the flood
And drown me in the rising tide.
I walk with the hope of seeing sunlight
I walk with the hope of feeling love
But right now, I feel nothing
So I will survive.
Soon, the wolf within will rise and howl
The ravens will caw again
For I know when the light breaks through.
Then I will howl, caw and laugh,
Once again I have endured The Storm
And I have become stronger
Written by Edward W, Raby, Sr. on March 9th and 10th, 2019. Edited on March 22, 2019
I guess this poem about depression; and how I take it on, is one of those that is very obvious. The imagery in part is borrowed from this whole Grey Wayfarer concept. I draw a lot of inspiration these days from the characters and stories of Norse Mythology. I like these gods – they have dirt under their fingernails and pain of soul.
People do not understand depression that well. Mine is ‘mild’, if you can call depression mild. It isn’t about happy or sad with me. It is about emotional shutdown. I go into cold-blooded bastard mode so I don’t have to feel sorrow or pain. The sarcastic asshole is very much a part of both sides of my life, but in The Grey I don’t laugh at my own sarcasm like I do out of it. “No dark sarcasm in the classroom.” Yeah, it gets dark and there is no feeling to it. Outside the grey it more about being playfully affectionate with the people I care about. Inside it, I am just being a dark fucker trying to survive.
The love-hate relationship with depression is something I tried to deal with the last stanza. Like or not, when come out of it, I have some of the most creative and wonderful inspired moments. I feel better, love better and think better in those moments. Some of my best writing has been at these times.
Thanks for reading,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.