So I have reached the point in this rotation where I am back to reconsidering my virtues. I am actually looking this week to do a little rewriting off them. Something I have not done for pretty close to a year.
I have been getting memory posts on Facebook from last year regarding this blog and it is very interesting as then things were far different than they are now. I am a different person but I am still becoming. Following these virtues has been a large part of that and still is part of the process of becoming so it needs to continue.
However, things change as far as understanding of the virtues and I need to change them in small ways to reflect that. Although there will be some if not most that I won’t change at all.
Honor:
“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”
Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.
Goal:Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days). (achieved)
Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.
I really don’t have a problem with how this virtue is written as probably it is was Honor and the definition gives for it that drew me to the Nine Noble Virtues in the first place. Having inner value and recognizing it in others is a noble pursuit.
Courage:
“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”
Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.
Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.
Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.
Another one with no changes, Pretty simple and straightforward. In this case, it is not the virtue so much as living up to it that is difficult.
Truth:
“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”
Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others. To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.
Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020
Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in the year 2020.
Once again no rewriting here but a commitment to probably speak out more is probably more necessary.
Higher Virtue: Love:
I have never defined love as I think it has many definitions and they all need to be discussed here. I have done a few self-love things this week so I am happier. I probably am overdue for a ‘The Grey and The Wayfarer’ post but that happens sometimes when I engage in self-love actions and then start questioning myself about it.
Morning Routine:
Stretching / Yoga
Shower, Personal Hygiene, Breakfast, Morning Meds.
Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
Meditation – 5 min.
Check Communications and Email.
Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
Get Dressed for the Day
Good. I still need my meditation altar stuff though.
I remain.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Truth is painful but liberating. It is this commitment to truth that brought me where I am today so it could be argued whether truth as virtue is something more universal, but I don’t think certain forces are som much committed to truth as they are committed to creating beautiful comfortable lies that people would rather have in their lives than the painful truth.
The painful truth is there is no evidence whatsoever that there is an afterlife, cosmic justice after death or even karma. There is no evidence we are special or unique beyond our genetics and that means a whole lot of truth that people not only do not want face is painful to confront.
Asatru’s commitment to truth is one an atheist can resonate with but would state that Asatru believes in things that cannot be verified as truth. That said the idea of the virtue of truth is more about what to do with truth rather than discovering it. It is about standing for truth when there is a need and being silent in the presence of fools. It is about what to do with truth once you have discovered it.
To the Wolves and Ravens:
“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”
Needs (Geri):
We need truth to guide our lives effectively. The issue is acting on the truth rather than being passive. There is more to taking the red pill than just knowledge, there becomes a need to act on it or there is no point in knowing the truth. Truth is only effective when it is acted on.
Wants (Freki):
More than need I want the truth because it makes me stop wasting my time, energy and resources on lies. The issue for me with both religion and government is that the whole of both is based on a lot of lies. Things that not only cannot be proven but also can be demonstrated to be false. To continue to pour one’s life into a falsehood simply because it gives comfort is still wasting your life.
Reason (Huginn):
It is been said that regarding ‘belief’ that one still should believe in the chance that God is real and an afterlife, but this seems strange to me as wouldn’t an all-knowing god know this s my motivation and what is good about this motivation. No. I would rather live my life in truth no matter what fears it might cause. I don’t waste time, resources or energy anymore on things that are lies or based on lies.
Wisdom (Muninn):
Wisdom is hard on this one. But it comes down to that the truth should make your life efficient because you are not ordering your life on fantasy. Nothing wrong with science fiction or fantasy as entertainment, but not as a way to live life fully and completely. Wisdom is found in accepting the truth and then navigating through both the pain of it and the liberation of it. Pain is fuel for freedom is the wisdom here.
Conclusion:
My recognition that I was an atheist was the result of a long journey, but in the end, I feel the truth of it has caused me to recognize what is really important and not waste time energy or resources on something that is essentially organized deception. It was not going into darkness but rath facing the painful truth and coming out of my beautiful lie to being real and authentic. It has been an interesting combination of atheistic philosophy and Asatru in its virtue of Truth that has brought me to this place.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
A family member once remarked to me that my goals and bucket list items were good but seemed unrealistic at times or might be hard to achieve. I told them that is kind of the point. For me Goals, whether the regular yearly ones or the ones on my bucket list are milestones on the journey. Markers of progress. The goals are about getting somewhere even if that somewhere is gone to simple for enjoyment’s sake.
My bucket list items are just that – the enjoyment of life milestones. They are the subject this week of review and one that I enjoy every time in doing because they are the ones that cause me to dream the biggest. The point of a bucket list is to keep you living life and if done right has things crossed off it regularly. Also though there should be things on it when you die. The most damning thing in my mind for a human being is not to have his eye on the horizon toward the next mile marker even when you’re dying.
You can milestones or gravestones – the choice is yours.
Honor:
“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”
Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.
Goal:Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days). (achieved)
Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.
I want hiking to be more of a regular hobby of sorts. I need out more and even if alone hiking offers me that thinking solace that I enjoy, but also the fresh air and exercise do wonder to my mood. My bucket list item here is about my first long camping hike. After that who knows. Hiking the AP, PCT, and CDT in retirement? Maybe.
Courage:
“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”
Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.
Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.
Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.
My first and last time in Budapest was so fast and I enjoyed it but I want to go back as a travel goal. Part of a longer trip to discover my origins, maybe that river cruise capstone of that experience.
Truth:
“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”
Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others. To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.
Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020
Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in the year 2020.
This a new one where I can say to people I read a book a week for a year but also a desire that this is a habit I get into as well. I want to learn something right up to the day of my death.
Higher Virtue: Love:
I am looking at this part of my bucket list and realizing that persuing these three items is some of the most loving things I could do for myself. The journey to these three items is really about me getting something I would love to do. All of them are expressions of who I want to be and what I want to see in my life.
Morning Routine:
Stretching / Yoga
Shower, Personal Hygiene, Breakfast, Morning Meds.
Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
Meditation – 5 min.
Check Communications and Email.
Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
Get Dressed for the Day
I need to get the mechanics for this routine down and some stuff for meditation purposes. I do like how this works now.
I remain.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
With the Crossing Off of another goal, it is time to list off the remaining ones and has some thoughts about them. This week A Skald’s Life is all about considering my goals so let’s first consider the remaining ones as a group.
Find a new, better paying job by March 2020.
Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.
To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020
To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020
To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.
# 1 – I continue to look and I am getting anxious about this, I am hoping the new support group connection will help there as they do offer career change aid, for those that qualify.
#2 – Once I have the new job or my tax return comes in I am going to get the tattoo on my bucket list so that it will be crossed off.
#3- what I am doing as regards to NaNoWriMo and using it to write my first Non-Fiction Book, number 3 might be off this list fairly soon. Like December at the latest.
#4 – I need only to make one alteration which is to shift my walking. hiking indoors for the winter.
# 5 – I am also getting closer to being fully Paleo but I am having thoughts in March and I may merge the ideas of Paleo and Keto at that time.
If I get the new job and the tattoo and finish my non-fiction book by December, then all that will remain to do is finish to March with Paleo and Exercise. It gets nice as you cross goals off the list because you can put more concentration on a smaller list.
Honor:
“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”
Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.
Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days). (achieved)
Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.
Goal Achieved
Courage:
“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”
Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.
Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.
Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.
Like I said the most likely candidate for this goal is my tattoo.
Truth:
“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”
Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others. To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.
Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020
Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in the year 2020.
NaNoWriMo being used instead to write my non-fiction book is working OK. I need to catch up a little at the time of this writing. Days off will be critical to doing this. I am kind of focusing on this goal and getting a job right now. The rest of my goals are more long term so this one is next as far as an early cross off along with getting a better job.
Higher Virtue: Love:
This renewed focus on goals is necessary right now. It takes my mind off of other more destructive thoughts to self-love. Goals do that for me, along with discipline.
Morning Routine:
Stretching / Yoga
Shower, Personal Hygiene. Morning Meds.
Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
Meditation – 5 min.
Check Communications and Email.
Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
Get Dressed for the Day
This working really well, but would probably work better if I had my meditation place and altar. Both are a work in progress. I am also thinking of writing out nine meditations so I focus on the important parts of each virtue.
I remain.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Since writing my post for Saturday about National Novel Writing M0nth (NaNoWriMo) and deciding to use that month to instead do a Non-Fiction Book, I have been meditating on the 2000 words per day goal with that. I am now pretty confident t about that as I not only feel this is a worthy goal and one that is achievable for me, I feel it needs to be a daily habit to hit a word total each day. The reason I say this is a far more concrete goal than writing for an hour that I have had before. Because you can sit there for an hour and write only 500 words. I think the issue is making a goal that actually gives me daily progress.
To put it in perspective, my average post on this blog falls within 1000 words. Pretty typical for me and that takes 30-45 minutes to write and then probably another 15 minutes to edit. If I follow my pattern of letting a post sit a day and editing it again the next day, that’s another 15 minutes.
Writing a book is a different matter because the editing for me would be akin to sitting down for hours and reading the material and editing it all in one go. So I could just follow the NaNoWriMo philosophy and just write and get the 2000 words in an hour or at the most an hour and a half. Very much possible if I put off some personal entertainment and get about the business of writing.
This week I will be hitting my principles in A Skald’s Life so that will be reflected bellow.
Honor:
“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”
Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.
Goal:Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days). (achieved)
Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.
I guess I find it easier to find personal honor in others than in myself. I am an observer of people and I find what is good in a far different way than before. Honor is a feeling of value and it is far easier to find value or how people are valuable when thinking about others for me.
It is finding value in myself right now that is a challenge. I just am struggling with that right now. I need a new life in the sense of having a new place, job and environment I think. It is why I am going to be expanding my job search for most of the country.
Courage:
“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”
Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.
Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.
Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.
Philosophically, I don’t struggle so much with acting once I know what the right thing is, it is determining the right thing. I was told recently I am a little bit of an enduring asshole. That is a reflection of a little less tolerance for bullshit in my life and standing up to it.
Truth:
“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”
Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others. To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.
Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020
Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in the year 2020.
I think sometimes people have taken aback that I tell the truth a lot, even when it makes me look less flattering. They are probably used to lies and accept them as part of life from others. I just don’t have it in me to lie to people anymore. I spent a lot of my last three years of ministry, fronting a lost faith and have no desire to front anything anymore. What you see is what you get with me; take it or leave it.
I still struggle with what the truth is and how to deal with it. I realized three months ago I was wrestling with whether I believed in any god at all and only recently accepted I don’t and to be honest the world could be here without god at all. If there is a god, he is either one that doesn’t give a shit or we are just an experiment in a petri dish to him. He isn’t benevolent that’s for sure. I have no evidence, in any case, to believe so until some evidence is given, I am facing the truth that I am for all practical and philosophical purposes an atheist. So I am an Athiest Humanist with Pagan tendencies. 🙂
Higher Virtue: Love:
Love for the people who are important to me – check. Love for self – hesitation to check. I am at a love crossroads regularly. I need to take the self-love fork soon or there is going to be a problem. I will get too close to the cliff of self-sacrifice to death if I don’t take the self-love fork at a certain point.
Morning Routine:
Stretching / Yoga
Shower, Personal Hygiene. Morning Meds.
Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
Meditation – 5 min.
Check Communications and Email.
Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
Get Dressed for the Day
I like this routine now better than before. It allows me to get the basics done and be ready to go through the day.
I remain.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Last year I had very little time to discuss my favorite holiday – Halloween but also I was just developing in my understanding of pagan holidays and what they meant to me. At this point, with The Grey Wayfarer heading into its second year, I think and feel it is time to look at what we are celebrating at this time of year and have a little fun.
In pagan terms, Halloween translates to Winternights for the Norse Tradition. Winternights runs from October 29th to November 2nd so there is more to it than a single day although the Winternights Festival is October 31st. Winter begins officially for pagans on this day and the Wild Hunt is said to be released. It is at this point all the darker beings and spiritual forces are venerated or perhaps it is best said – appeased from the Norns to Hel the goddess of the dead.
This is after all about honoring the dead from the past year and harvest which is basically the beginning gathering dead plants and butchering animals that won’t last the winter in preparation for winter.
There is a custom I find interesting in regards to harvest and the Norse religion. Leaving the last bits of the harvest – the ‘last sheaf’ as it were – for Odin. The god of the dead and all-father gets part fo the harvest to signal its end as he is the one said to lead the Wild Hunt. The point being that roads and fields no longer belong to humans but to The Hunt.
Time to Look Through the Eye:
“To see the truth, change one eye for another”
Faith:
When I look at winternights from a faith perspective, it is not so much a celebration of all the spiritual forces for me but of the finality of life as being part of life itself. Everything comes to an end. The Hunt becomes symbolic of how the winter washes the leftovers away and begins life anew in the Spring. Nature is a wonderful force of life, death, and renewal and we need to have some awe and wonder about that.
Meditation:
I have been asked what meaning in life that an atheist can possibly have. It is a good question as many people think without life after death life doesn’t mean much. I would say then they haven’t really defined for themselves or discovered the meaning of their life. As an atheist, I define my own meaning and that is what scares people. People who think others should be controlled would not like this as they use either religion or politics to do so. For me meaning has been found in my times of meditation as I build my life myself. People who understand this level of liberty are truly free.
Theology:
Theology’s only use for me these days is to point out flaws in theology. It is a fun exercise to be a theologian who is effectively an atheist. In a sense, I start theologically now from zero and people need to show me how and why I should add to that. The issue for winternights is that I look at its celebration as recovering a lost heritage not some reference to gods or goddesses in any other way than that.
Spirituality:
Holloween offers me a chance to be in connection with my fellow weirdos as far as the general spirit of the holiday. I don’t have much money, so a costume is out but I think that my own addition to the creative spirit of this holiday will be to carve a pumpkin or two. Someday, I want to join this and other celebrations with a full heart and effort. But I feel some major change is needed both in the realms of practicality and in mind and heart.
Conclusion:
This opening part has been about the holiday. The next two will be some of my personal thoughts as we get closer to it and the final part will drop the day before Halloween itself. You might even get a few personal pictures as we head toward and through winternights.
One final note: you have probably noticed all the wonderful pin-ups in this post. I love pin-up girls as an art form plus they are sexy as hell, and Halloween has a lot of them. This week all of them come from one of my favorite artists – Matt Dixon. I prefer the more vintage classic artists, but Dixon has his own style that is edgy and I like that.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Well, I have reached the week where I look at my bucket list but I have also added the additional task of redoing my Routines. Mostly though my decision to be a writer first and whatever else to pay the bills means some changes to both. I have to develop two habits to do that 1) writing (on top fo the blog consistently every day) and 2) Reading. I need to work that in right now and have some goals or bucket list items attached to them.
My bucket list is really about long term goals and having those mile markers on the journey where I can say – ‘hey. life is good’. There are a couple bucket list items that looking at them may not be completely of this vein so I am thinking of changing them and they should reflect in some way the virtue I have attached them to as well. it has been a year for many of them so it is time for a look again because what motivates me and inspires me has probably changed.
Routine changes are more about finding what practically works. My morning routine works but my formal meditation time need some attention. The work and rest Day routines simply need to be ordered so the reading and writing get done every single day.
Honor:
“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”
Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.
Goal:Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days). (achieved)
Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.
I still want to do this. I do have as kind fo a side identity being a hiker and wayfarer in real life. I want to see this as my first big hike. It stays.
Courage:
“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”
Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.
Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.
Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.
I still want to do this. One of my other ones is to visit the lands of my ancestors and I don’t think anyone has ever mentioned Hungarian ancestry, but I still love the city of Budapest.
Truth:
“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”
Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others. To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.
Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020
Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in the year 2020.
This bucket list item has been learning Latin but I have just not been able to inspire myself to learn it. More fitting with a writer and a desire for a long term goal about reading specifically, I want to read 52 books a year and that comes out to one per week. I decided the calendar year would be more appropriate for this one andI will probably use Goodreads for this for accountability. I am going to however work this one in as soon as possible into the routine so once 2020 starts I will have developed the habit a bit.
Higher Virtue: Love:
I still struggle with this tension of being a natural care for others kind fo guy but neglecting myself at times. There are certain issues in my heart and head because of it. I have been meditating on this issue a lot but few things come into focus. its the age-old issue of self-love and care not getting done but me working hard to make others happy.
Morning Routine:
Stretching / Yoga
Shower, Personal Hygiene. Morning Meds.
Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
Meditation – 5 min.
Check Communications and Email.
Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
Get Dressed for the Day
I find the biggest obstacle to formal meditation is I am not awake enough to concentrate on it and I feel a little grungy too. I figure doing my stretching and getting a shower will do that. I also have split my medications and supplements into two things so the don’t upset my stomach as much. My payday is coming up and I want to order some candles and I found a company that produces valknut plaques of a sort for meditation. Time to get this meditation time truly formal as it helps me far too much to not do it or be hit and miss anymore.
I remain.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Anyone who has been a part of The Grey Wayfarer family knows that I talk often about my personality type. Myers-Briggs to me does a fairly decent job of defining personality through its simple four-letter designation. Well, four letters and dash with either an A or T behind it to indicate whether one’s identity is assertive or turbulent. In my case, my full letter combo is INFJ-A. I have found that in exploring the implications of this I have discovered more about myself and it has helped me with that struggle because as we will see in a moment, INFJ’s struggle with this.
My recent musings into the subject led me to discover a YouTube video that talked about how INFJ’s are walking contradictions. It is something I have heard and explored a little but the video offered some very specific contradictions that seem to be part of most INFJ’s and so after watching it I have to ask myself if they apply to me and more importantly what they mean for me.
8 Reasons Why INFJs are Often Described as a Walking Paradox
I like firstly how the video points out that it is not that we intend to be misleading or lack conviction but that our personality type puts us into these tensions. We have a high value on personal integrity and these contradictions are mostly due to our complex nature. With that let us dive into the eight contradictions and see if and how they apply to The Grey Wayfarer.
One – Craving deep connections, but being so private:
My standards of friendship and love are fairly high. This is the product of my desire for deep connection. I want a few good/great friends not a whole bunch of different ones. When it comes to love there are certain expectations I have coming back toward me.
The problem, of course, is that I am so very private as a person. It makes it hard to form those friendships and my wife is learning that love is something very important to me and she needs to spend some time nurturing it or I start to think very dark thoughts about our relationship. This happened once right after our last child graduated high school and I was expecting that now the two of us would get to spend more time together and rekindle some of that fire we had before kids, but that didn’t happen. It almost caused a divorce seven years later. Part of that was me having a hard time talking about it and the other was my high expectations.
Two – You find people interesting and draining at the same time:
I am definitely a people watcher but interaction with them is draining, to say the least. I can spend all day on a park bench watching people and studying them. I have been that way for a long time, pretty much most of my life. But in social situations where I have to interact with people I can only do that for so long and then I have to retreat and regroup periodically.
Three – You can understand people better, but you hardly understand yourself:
Oh yeah, this is why I probably spend so much time talking about my personality and how it works. It’s more about self-understanding and trying to figure myself out than anything else. I have to think about my motives and desires, where figuring out other people’s motives and desires because of my natural empathy is far easier.
Four – You love to help others, but you find people annoying at the same time:
Yep. It made me a good pastor but at the same time a pastor that was constantly annoyed with people continuing to make the same mistakes and continued to drain my time with the same problem. I find the fascinating part of people lasts only so long and then their flaws become so apparent that I am ready to head for the door and when I can’t head to the door I feel trapped.
Five – Being a perfectionist who often forgets small details:
Yep. I have a whole slew of small routines that are designed to make sure I don’t forget the little things and everything has its place mostly for practical reasons along the same line. I like things to be clean and things to go according to plan. When small details don’t pan out, I can feel let down for sure.
I also don’t notice the little achievements I make as much. I am looking for the big goal to be accomplished, so when small successes along the way to those big goals are present, I rarely notice them
Six – You are natural loners, but people often mistake you for an extravert:
“Ed, sometimes you are hard to read” and “But I thought you would like that (insert name of a social event)”. I have heard those two a lot over the years. Mostly because I am fun-loving and sarcastically humorous enough to wade through most social situations. I am confident and my ‘-A’ tells you I am also assertive. I was a pastor that dealt with people on a regular basis. I get mistaken for an extravert a lot.
However, I would rather be home alone reading a book or writing or name that at home alone activity. I am quite comfortable with my own company so I don’t ‘need’ social situations but I do need them periodically to remind me that I am a member of the human race.
Seven – You want to be in a relationship, but often choose to be single:
I am not single but the issues of being in a relationship that is loving are pretty high for me as I possess very high standards of what love is. This actually causes a lot of problems in this area as I am very aware of what love is but most cannot live up to what I think. The video is spot on about being in love being rare as it has only happened to me three times and when it does I tend to take it hard when it doesn’t work out.
Eight – They are complex, but they have integrity:
This video describes us as being like an onion that you have to peel layer after layer away to get to a true understanding of an INFJ, and I don’t know too many INFJs that would disagree. It can take literally years to completely understand all aspects of our personality. In the end, if you take that kind fo time you may actually understand us better than we understand ourselves.
Our idealism, however, has a large amount of personal honor to it. It is no accident that the part of Asatru I struggle with the most is honor and it is the struggle I consider most important. I find it actually more upsetting to myself at my failure to uphold my honor than I give two shits about what others think of it.
Conclusion:
Being walking contradiction or paradox is probably the most accurate thing I have heard to describe me. Whether this applies to other INFJs I would not speculate but if it is common enough to talk about this way, it is probably mostly true.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
I have found a great deal of fascination in defining spirituality in terms of evolutionary development. I feel that religion is in many ways a codified attempt to explain where people were at certain times in their understanding of spiritual evolution. The problem is that religion has a tendency to anchor us to that moment. We don’t move on from there once someone says: “This is spiritual Truth” with a capital T.
We should recognize that these moments of spiritual understanding are not capitalized but are a moment of truth at is both evolving and fleeting because there is other truth with a small t to discover and the truth we are at that moment is just the next part fo the path that leads to other truth.
Spiritual evolution demands that we explore the truth and keep moving from one part of it to the next. This is something that I am learning right now and I am hoping my time stagnated in Christianity hasn’t robbed me of my chance to be a better person. Is the next step for human evolution to take our growing and developing consciousness to the next level?
Time to Look Through the Eye:
“To see the truth, change one eye for another”
Faith:
I am effectively an agnostic/atheist that explores spirituality because I think that inside spirituality, and to a lesser extent religion, is that spark of genius that given enough time might lead to human beings evolving to another level of consciousness. My start in this began with Asatru but much of what I do in meditation is straight-up psychology and neurologically proven stuff. Religion and spirituality do tap into something that neurologically works and I have assurance, not faith, that this is true. Much of what we know scientifically now is someone looking at what humans spiritually thought once upon a time and then science going and investigating if it was true. In this, they discovered some faith was bogus and other faith had the spark of truth that led to a greater understanding.
Meditation:
My meditation times have been taken up mostly with virtue and thinking on this concept of my own personal spiritual evolution. I feel very free of shackles right now when it comes to spiritual things. myu definition of spirituality is more about human consciousness and the idea right now is to explore my own consciousness with restrictions. I guess that is why I view my exploration of paganism as part of that because paganism acknowledges that each person is unique in their spiritual capacity and understanding of the world around them and they are not trying to proselytize anyone.
Theology:
Right now, theology is not something I can use that much as someone who has no effective belief in god. From an evolving consciousness point of view, I also am not looking to an imaginary friend to help me, but rather if there is any ‘god’; to be found it is this thing inside my head that makes decisions, engages the world around me and stretches out in relationships to others.
Spirituality:
My spirituality as defined as an exploration of my own consciousness and in bringing to myself a new understanding of who I am and that part of me that I still am learning about. I want to stay truly with understanding myself and why I do what I do.
Conclusion:
I don’t know what truths I will discover but this journey as The Grey Wayfarer has its bright moments. Those moments are usually spiritual in the sense of understanding human consciousness spiritual. There is a lot more road ahead of me to walk yet, and this is what makes me get up every single day.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
My meditations have been on my routines but I have to go back to my goals and look at the ones I have achieved and asked what part of my routines helped me achieve them. This really involves a lot of thought about Routines in the sense that they not only have to line up with goals they also have to practically work. If I don’t do them and they don’t actually help me achieve my goals then they need change.
This last goal that was achieved reminds me of the fact that feelings cannot be a measure of whether you decide to work on your goals. If I relied on feelings to achieve blogging every day I would have never made it. Any writer will tell you that you have to sit down and write regardless of feelings. Writer’s block to me is just another mythological excuse. I had to sit down at my computer and write regardless of feelings and still do as the streak of daily posts continue.
I need to learn to branch this out a little more to other areas like writing my novel and a non-fiction book, and doing the other things writers do – reading. The fact is the things I do despite feelings I am having good results in and the rest flounders because I let feelings determine if I do them or not. That needs to change.
Honor:
“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”
Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.
Goal:Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days). (achieved)
Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.
Goal Achieved and that is three out of nine for the year. My thoughts though are this goal is going to be regularly about getting past feelings nad getting habit in my life I need to be a successful writer.
Courage:
“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”
Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.
Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.
Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.
I’m picturing in my head getting a new job, saving up some money and then getting my tattoo on my shoulder. This would cross off two goals and a bucket list item off this list. it is the next real major milestone in the journey and need to get there soon. The job search is also one of those things that need to get past feelings.
Truth:
“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”
Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others. To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.
Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020
Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2021 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.
In order to write my non-fiction book, writing needs to be every day. Another place where – “I don’t feel like it’ cannot be present.
Higher Virtue: Love:
If I am going to balance out everything else with love of self, getting past my feelings is the key. Literally. I need to start putting my feelings to love others in a proper perspective and I need to have some feelings about loving myself that are more developed. That requires an objective look at feelings – why I have them and what they accomplish. Loving me has become I priority if I am going to move forward with my life and stop these anchors from the past from holding me back.
Morning Routine:
Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
Meditation – 3 min.
Check Communications and Email.
Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
Stretching / Yoga
Shower and Personal Hygiene
Get Dressed for the Day
I am starting today looking at every line of my routines and asking questions about what I need to make them work better and more consistently. For the Morning Routine, the thing that is missing is a meditation altar and I am going to spend some money to make one with some candles, incense and I found a valknut plaque to be a centerpiece. It’s kind of a project that hopefully will make meditation a little more formal and thus effectively done.
I remain.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
The Grey Wayfarer 