Routines

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Higher Calling

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

If I struggle with anything  since departing from Christianity, it is my loss of a sense of ‘higher calling’. I mean religion in general feeds into this ego we all have a higher purpose, that ‘everything happens for a reason’ and ‘God loves you, so you are special’ and ‘Everyone has a higher calling’. Since throwing off such notions, I have come to the notion that these things are not the product of simple existence. If I want to have a sense of ‘higher calling’ and want experience a sense of purpose, I have to create it myself. I don’t get these things by the fact my mother gave birth to me.  My existence does not make it so.

The Foundational Virtues really help with this.  I live my life to have a sense of honor.  To do that I must face the truth of things with courage. The Viking notion of living your life bravely at every moment is something I strive for because I can see it is a very ‘realistic’ higher calling.  It is not completely based on the idea of and afterlife, but also the notion of being a better person day by day. That is something I can cling to as a higher calling.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

As I approach my 50th birthday (3 weeks from today), I look back at a half a century of life. Honestly, there has been good, bad and ugly in it. I feel in some respect some of those years were a waste of time. If I want any feeling that day; it is that despite all the bad, ugly and waste of time now.  I have a sense of personal honor within that nothing can shake.  A feeling of a positive future and to see the good in myself and to look positively to what life I have left to live.  To see the good in myself and others around me like my family and my remaining friends would make the last 50 years worth it.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

The future for me is an interesting concept.  Whatever end I might face, I want it to be said that I faced it with courage.  To be known as a person who does the right thing always and that is part of my character.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

Honesty is a double edge sword.  It cuts through the lies, but it also can cut your own soul at times. If there is a part of my higher purpose to be lived it is to be pursuing what is true.  Trying to be a person that finds it and then uses it to live better.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Love is a new a different concept to me. It is about honor, courage and truth far more than feelings of calling. Trying to do the honest, brave and respectful thing every time is a challenge, but it is a calling of sorts.  One that I place on myself.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals and Bucket List
  3. Meditation
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  6. Get Dressed for the Day

Been pretty much a challenge at times.  Something is going on right now that gets my thoughts racing in a lot of directions when I get up in the morning; it makes it hard to focus even with meditation.  Might be a different form of The Grey.  I just know I need to refocus as I went from hoping I could have a perfect week with this to something far less than I was even doing. First time in a while the morning routine has been a problem. Need to redouble my efforts.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.

As I look at this list there are a lot of things that could be done very quickly if I had the monetary resources to do them.  It still keeps coming back to finding a better job and that needs to be a priority along with getting my internship done.

Weightlifting:

This week was one of those week I really missed the iron in my life. I miss the simplicity of doing a deadlift or leg presses.  It was also kind of depressing to think about my old gym being basically gone. I put so much time there, in that place, that was productive and now it’s just a memory.  I need that feeling back of progress and productivity and there was no place like the gym to get it.  I need to either have that or something at home that will do that too.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – The Path to Self-Fulfillment

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

I find walking to be fulfilling.  In that regard, I think the path I choose in life should also be fulfilling.  I never want to be in the position I was before asking: “What do I get out of this?”, and not have a positive answer.  I don’t believe this is selfish, so much as it is self-preservation.  Perseverance requires something within to stand back up and keep going.  Something has to feed that.  We do things that either feed that or drain it. When we are drained, we can do some very dumb things to find peace and happiness.  I speak from experience.

Putting it together then as I stand at a crossroads o fork in road as life’s wayfarer, I guide my decisions based on these there criteria. Does this path lead to Virtue, does this path lead to Success and does this path lead to Self-fulfillment.  If the path has a yes to all three of those, it is likely one I should take, More often than that I find that either 1) Many paths meet this three-fold requirement and then other factors come in or 2) none of them meet all three, so I pick the one that has the most, and then hope for a choice down the road that is better.

At the end of the day, I simply want to look back at my choices as say they followed virtue, lead to success and were fulfilling personally.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

I still keep looking to make discipline more and more of my life. Getting past the times of The Grey is simply easier when I do things automatically.  I am however making a major change in that I am working on the idea that all my steps and routines must be done as much as possible before I can take a break or do something I enjoy.  The greatest challenge I face is to take a break from things, and then not have the discipline to return.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

I guess the feeling I have here is like a hiker who has hiked through as storm and now looks back from the hill and sees that storm behind him.  It doesn’t mean that there are not more storms ahead, but there is some satisfaction in looking at what I survived. Then you look forward in new strength and keep going forward.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

It is times of the Storm that challenge you in regards to fidelity.  There is tension between loyalty to ones self, and loyalty to those who have been loyal to you.  Some how you have to be loyal to yourself and do what you need to do for you, but at the same time not forget those who have been loyal to you.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom: 

Virtue, Success, and Self-fulfillment.  Sounds like the path of wisdom to me.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week
  4. Writing – 4 times a week
  5. Cheat Meal Count – Currently 0

#1 and #3 are still on hold until the weather improves and I get a better job that can allow me to afford the gym again.   I have an idea for writing that will probably start me down that path more consistently.

Evening Routine:

  1. Take supplements and medications.
  2. Brush and Floss Teeth
  3. Out the Door Preparation
  4. Reading – 15 min.
  5. Go to Bed

The evening routine is the most challenging of all of them. This is because I have to wait to the end of the day for it to happen and by that time The Grey might basically be motivating me to just go to bed.

Nutrition:

I am definitively have troubles with the zeros.  I don’t think this is a level I will stay at.  The one that worked and was most comfortable and successful was two cheat meals a week and two carb sources a day.  After my birthday, it is where I will probably camp for a while. The one thing I can say is the diet has kept my weight and fitness level stable despite no walking or the gym.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational –  I feel better here.  I don’t like thinking about the past because it is a bummer.  It is sometimes unavoidable.  That said, thinking about a more positive future for myself and my wife has been a good way to move on. Virtue has been the key there.

Business – Success and defining it have been very helpful this week.

Self –  Need to remember me.  Self loyalty is a must.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues – The Path to Success

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Wooden’s (Odin’s) Day. 

Journal Entry:

So if there is a compass direction; as far as career direction at this point, it is business with writing on the side. I may still in older age settle down to teaching in a college or university setting; passing on what I know to future generations, but I need to build a new career first. Business suits me because I have long-held the Sam Walton notion that business is about people and ideas (mostly vision), not necessarily money,  My twenty years in the ministry definitely gives me the people skills and my education definitely puts me in the position of ideas.

Writing?  Well I am writer.  A blogging fantasy writer that has yet to get anything published except a single letter in a magazine a long time ago.  Made fifty bucks.  I get writing could be classified as a hobby with me, but It could be a good side career or main career if things really started to get going.  It is never too late with writing as Mary Jackson observed:

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, text

I start with the path of virtue which will hopefully lead to the path of success.  I think a business career; with writing as something I work at because I love it already, is a good option for me.

Self-Reliance:

“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”

Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.

I just want to wake up in the morning knowing my basic needs will be met and I am at least slowly but surely heading down the path to getting some of the things I want. I don’t want to worry about survival at all. I just want to be in a state of mind that can plan how to build things.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.

The means of course is work and what helps is when you enjoy work itself. Where you can learn new ways of being more efficient is also enjoyable. I think the only thing here I am really missing is a job I actually want to do.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.

I find that a broad definition of hospitality allows me to have a great deal of compassion for people in need still.  The great difference is that I either know I can help or not.  I don’t try this – I will pray for you or think of you – route.  If I can help, I try to find a way to do it.  If I can’t, I don’t.  The issue I think is more prosperity, so I can help more and more often.

Higher Virtue – Justice:

Last weeks storm of emotion involved a lot of anger.  This is never productive but I find myself shifting from anger to developing a sense of justice. I may not ever get justice for what happened to me, but I can look at others and what they do and if I can do something about it, I should act.  If there is still a heart of compassion in my life held over from years of ministry; I still bat for the underdog.

 Daily Routine:

  1. Communication / Cuddle Time
  2. Blogging
  3. Reading / Study – Half-hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
  4. Clear In Box/ To Do List
  5. Financial Transaction Input
  6. Carb Count – zero.

Oddly enough the Financial transaction thing piles up on the side of my desk.  I don’t get it, as it is one of the easiest things on this routine list.  The zero carb count is almost impossible at home eating dinner with the wife usually kills it.  The main thing in this is more of a seeing how little carbs I can eat in a day.

Goals: 

  1. Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship.
  3. Find a new, better paying job by the end of March 2019 or before.
  4. In 2019 have  a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
  5. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  6. Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
  7. Follow Paleo Diet completely and use intermittent fasting until the end of 2019
  8. Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)
  9. Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.

There are a couple of goals here for march that speak volumes about what I would like to see at the end a=of about six weeks here.  #9 will be finished on my birthday and I will be working on #3.  Going into my 51st year of life, a new job and feeling as healthy as possible would be a great start and two goals crossed off the list.

Goals achieved since Summer 2018: 1

Budgeting: 

  1. Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
  2. Debt Snowball
  3. Fully funded Emergency fund
  4. Invest 15% of income into retirement
  5. Pay off Home Early
  6. Build Wealth and Give

We meet with the tax preparer on Monday and I am hoping for a good result.  I also am job searching, so I hope that bears some fruit as well.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Of Wolves and Ravens: Discipline – Pain Becoming Strength

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Discussion:

I suppose life is full of strange ironies.  One of them is that you don’t get stronger unless you go through a little pain. Discipline as Virtue is something I have long practiced in certain regards, but until I started following the Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), I never really covered all of its facets.  Mostly that if you want growth or more strength, endurance, etc., it is probably going to take some form of discipline to make it happen. You can’t get there by just wishful thinking, prayer or vain hope.  It requires discipline.

Over the years personally, I have applied discipline to a lot of areas of my life.  Right now every routine I have created, every goal or list of objectives has some sort of systematic plan to getting there.  Things are not just going to happen, they have to be made to happen and this is particularly true with improvement to one’s self. I come to learn that more and more every day.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

Needs (Geri):

I cannot stress the need for discipline enough. Without it the first steps cannot be taken to even achieve any goal that anyone sets for themselves.  I want to a new job right now, so each day I spend some time searching.  I can’t just hope that someone will offer me the perfect job.  I have to go find it.  I have lifted weights for years.  I want a strong, leaned out and healthy body, and I want it to last for as long as possible. I NEED discipline of diet, exercises and the weights to achieve this. Wanting is not enough.  You have to understand what you need to get what you want and that path is often filled with discipline.

Wants (Freki):

I suppose this relationship between need and want is very critical when it comes to discipline. You do have to ask yourself what you want.  What you really want. The test of whether you really want something is whether or not you ware willing to engage in the discipline to get it.  What sacrifices and pain are you willing to go through to get what you want.  When it comes to discipline, the two wolves dance back and forth, and when you figure out the steps to that dance, you make progress.

Reason (Huginn):

Rationally, when you look at the worlds great achievements, there was discipline behind every one of them.  The scientist who had the breakthrough discovery, spending weeks and months in disciplined study before the discovery.  The athlete who sets the world record, a lifetime of disciplined exercise and drill. Etc.  The one thing that reason tells us is that if we are going to reach our goals, discipline is the path we must walk. Then it helps us come up with that plan.

Wisdom (Muninn):

I have an image in my head of what I want to be.  It is not completely formed, but it is a vision of what I would like to be.  Wisdom says the path is disciplined action over time that will be the greatest contributor to getting that vision to become reality.  It is what will place me in a postition; that when opportunity arrives, I will be strong enough to take it and hold on to it.

Conclusion:

I don’t know what others think of discipline.  I know that pain and sweat is not something people like to experience. I just know that no change has taken place in my life or to myself without either. It is perhaps and ironic fact of life, that strength comes through pain.  But there is that moment of satisfaction that you have when the results are achieved that far outweighs the pain in the end.  So there is that truth – discipline also leads to satisfaction.  That feeling of satisfaction, is greater than any pain or struggle.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – The Path of Virtue

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

If someone were to ask me right now what I miss the most, I would say it is walking. Winter sucks to walk in without the proper gear.  I miss the iron of the weights at the gym too, but I miss the simple act of taking an hour our of the day to take a walk. As soon as the snow is gone and the temperature up to a point where I can put on a jacket and take a walk, I will be out there.

Walking for me is very honest metaphor.  I am the Grey Wayfarer and a Wayfarer is one who travels on foot.  I enjoy this simple action more than most people know because living is walking with the occasional stops for enjoying the view or life in general.

My path is in life though is virtue. Finding the right path has not always been easy. I have walked a lot of them.  Christianity was a major one.  Right Now, I would say the Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) are a better one.  Why? Because Virtue transcends religion, politics and philosophy, and it is something I have come to discover as I have walked the path.  You can be an honorable person regardless of whether you area Christian or not, whether you are conservative or liberal, or whether or not you believe in eastern or western philosophy.  Virtue is simply working to strengthen that which is best in us as human beings, and that path is something I can gladly walk.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

I have a sense of honor.  I have really come to understand that this comes from within and not what other people think of me.  That is very important to understand. People do not dictate my sense of personal honor; I develop it within myself.  It makes honor both stronger and in a sense more vulnerable.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

No problems here,  I would say my recent travelling through The Grey Storm may have built this a little stronger.  I just need to really use this to put myself out there even more for a job search.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

I don’t find this as difficult anymore.  I find myself stay silent a lot but it seems other people have more problems when I speak the truth than I do.  I have discovered that it is so true that people would rather have comforting lies than the truth, that it makes me chuckle at times.  That said, I follow truth because it gives me an advantage.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Love of life. This last couple weeks have really challenged that. I guess I can say I owe a few people who I love some credit at times for helping me find my way back to love of life. My wife, children and grand kids all have contributed.  It makes this path easier to walk at times.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals and Bucket List
  3. Meditation
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  6. Get Dressed for the Day

Really working on a full week this week with this complete every single day. I have come close several times, but this week I want the morning Routine to be flawless.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.

I am going to work on two things,  1) Finding the way to get the money for my first tattoo and 2) writing my novel.  I have until the end of June to get one or the other of these done.

Weightlifting:

I think the best plan right now is to get some dumbbells and come up with routines with those i can do at home.  It might be a high rep, three set thing for some exercises but I need to do something to make sure my muscles stay toned at least.  Once I get a better paying job, gym membership and other things get back on the table.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 6 – Replacing Memories with Memories

/ Ed Raby Sr / 1 Comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

If you have been reading this last week an a half, you are very well aware that I am in the midst of what I what I would call a Grey Storm.  That is depression is overshadowing my life with dark clouds and a little rain. Mostly I just have been having a lot of problems feeling anything at all as I go through my day.

I mentioned that I felt this was triggered in my journal posts by some memories which were triggered in part by the time of year and by a dream.  The time of year is significant because last year at this time my organist at the church died.  He was a good friend and the last of my musicians with any real talent that I started with nine and half years previously.  Everyone I had started with in that regard was gone and I dubbed this time as the day the music died.  End of an era really for the church which really was completely true once I left.

I was really hurting and the only one who was listening to me at the time was a young woman who I ended up having an affair with.  I am not proud of this; and there are no good excuses for it, but there were reasons.  The starting point though was my organists death and reaching out at the time in friendship to her and her to me at this time last year.

The other trigger was a dream I had last Tuesday (Feb. 5th).  It was very vivid and real in its feeling.  I was walking down a downtown street. I had to find a bathroom and ducked into a restaurant.  I found the bathroom and went in a started to do my business.  While there heard someone enter the room.  They stopped behind me.  They stood there and I could feel their presence but they didn’t move. It was actually unnerving.  I finished and then turned around only to find it was the man from the church who I had considered a friend for well over nine years standing there. Now, I know he was no friend at all, and I would consider him a backstabbing liar and thief. He was smiling at me but it was a wicked smile.  He shook his head at me like a person who has judged you and has nothing but contempt.  I snorted and walked out. My general approach to any memory of this man is to basically say “Fuck you asshole” and try to push it from my mind.

As I was trying to leave the restaurant, there she was – the young lady in question sitting at the table by the door facing me.  She too was smiling.  Not in a judgmental way, just that same smile she always had when she saw me.  I couldn’t get out without going right next to her, and I couldn’t go back with the man behind me, so I went forward and sat down at the table to her left. Yes, the dream was so vivid I can remember details like this. She looked at me and the smile faded from her face as I sat down.  I tried to speak but discovered I couldn’t.  She smiled again and then sang a song.  The weird thing is, I can’t remember what it was.  I can remember everything else in great detail but the song and then she laughed.  I got up and ran out. I could feel both of them following me and then my alarm for work went off.  I was extremely thankful to be getting out of bed that morning, but the dream shook me.

Since then, I have been walking a Grey Storm. Normally dreams fade from my mind until in a week I can’t remember them, but not this one. It was so vivid and real, I just can’t shake it.  I find that the only thing that helps is thinking about other memories that are more pleasant.  Replacing memories with memories.

Today is February 15th.  That probably has the significance to many of you as the day after Valentine’s Day.  To me it has a little more meaning as 30 years ago this is the day  I proposed to my wife. I had chickened out the night before.  But then I knew that I wanted her in my life forever and I took a brave pill.  I asked her the next day in the front seat of my old 1979 LTD.  The rest is history.  It was a great day for me.  One right now that I hold close to my mind, so I can’t see or feel the others that are not so good.

Only time will tell if this technique of using good memories of the long past will help with the memories of the recent past. I am also hoping new memories of the future will help as well.  I need some wins and some success.  I just hate times like this where everything is in autopilot and I am just walking without feeling. My heart and soul going into shutdown mode and staying numb, so I don’t feel pain. At least for now, the good memories of the past pull me out of the numb for a bit.

I suspect there will be more The Grey and The Wayfarer posts.  They will probably increase in frequency from now until the end of summer.  Mostly, I hope to remember some good things to keep out the bad, but I know me.  This is going to be a love/hate year when it comes to memories. and so The Grey will be ever present, like it or not.

Walking the Grey,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

 

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – Running a Tight Ship

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

This week has been a simple assessment of how to keep the virtues going during times of The Storm or The Grey.  Depression to the rest of you. Foundational Virtues make sure that I am facing The Storm with courage, honor and truth.  I am not running from it.  Business Virtues mean I stay on course.  I did point out the problem here was having a course and I think I have started to take that. Where the Self Virtues come in is the notion of running a tight ship.

The idea is that you stay disciplined, keep doing what needs to be done and trust your crew but make sure everyone is doing their job, including you. Right now keeping  my self together is running a tight ship and it is what will probably help me get to the end of this time of feelings.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

The Routines, the daily doing of things that I am trying to make into habits are what helps here.  It is what keeps my life from going completely ape shit.  This state would lead to shipwreck because things would start to full apart and The Grey Storm would then take over.  Nothing good then would happen.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

You keep going.  I get the definition of defeat and failure being a part of this, but there is a part of me that also understands perseverance is also going forward despite resistance. You keep sailing and you keep the sail trim.  You keep rowing when the wind is contrary or non-existent.  You don’t let circumstances stop you from making progress.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

All ships have a crew.  Even though this whole analogy means looking at my life, I couldn’t get where I am without support.  I just keep my circle small and value loyalty more than numbers these days.  It is hard sometimes when I get in The Grey Storm to do the proper maintenance of those relationship even though they are few in number.  So I go do it anyway.  That can be the hard part.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom: 

Wisdom – it’s a difficult thing sometimes to figure out what it is.  I have had many trying times these last few weeks.  Mostly though I have come to realize that doing things as a matter of habit can help you keep yourself together when you really just want to go back to bed.  It is not a wise course to set to just quit. It just makes things worse.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week
  4. Writing – 4 times a week
  5. Cheat Meal Count – Currently 1

There is a real practical problem with this routine and that is some of the things are just missing. The Cheat Meal Count is very low and I am sure I have broken it this week with Valentine’s Day, The Grey and so on.  Cleaning and Writing have been good. but that is about it.  I really need the snow to go away and to get some sort of weights in my life again.

Evening Routine:

  1. Take supplements and medications.
  2. Brush and Floss Teeth
  3. Out the Door Preparation
  4. Reading – 15 min.
  5. Go to Bed

If I get the notion to do this right after my evening meal, it gets done.  The real challenge is thinking about it at that time.  I need some way to remind me consistently.  Reading has been nice at the end of the day, but I did take some time with this to watch movies with the wife instead.

Nutrition:

I may have to modify things here.  The intermittent fasting goes pretty well. I get up and food stays away until I have been up eight hours or so. The real issue is the Paleo Diet and finding things that are quick and easy.   The last month here is going to be tight but I am not sure practically I can get rid of all carbs.  I would like to, but eating with my wife and making dinner with her means carbs get in and I eat them.  So I might stay at one cheat meal a week and one carb source a day for the duration but I might extend the intermittent fasting to more hours a day or I might simply eat less each meal.  My 50th Birthday is very soon and I want to see how healthy I can be and look by then.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational –  I don’t perceive a problem here with myself.  I actually feel this part was what helped me though this week the most. I probably will do another “The Grey and The Wayfarer soon that reflects the last week and a half, but I can say now that it is my sense of courage and honor that kept me going this week.

Business – I think I have identified the core problem which is a lack of vision for my new career.  I need at least basic compass direction and I think I have done that this week by heading down a business path. I want to keep writing as a side career.  It might take off and be my business someday, but until then I think I at least can board the ship I call my life and say – ‘were heading this direction”.  What we will find may still be a mystery, but then again that is kind of the point of an adventure.

Self –  This has been a struggle, but through the struggle I have found a sense of keeping things together.  Don’t get me wrong, I have messed up on this week at times. But it is the times I do get the routines done and do what needs to be done and keep going that I have found my way through The Grey Storm. It has been good overall.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues – Navigating Stormy Seas

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Wooden’s (Odin’s) Day. 

Journal Entry:

Last week it was talk of a master plan.  This week it is trying to find a course to chart.  If I have a weakness here it is figuring out where I want to go from here.  I guess it is on the one hand understandable.  After doing one thing for twenty years, going a completely different direction which is in large part unknown is difficult.

I guess sometimes, I do feel like the viking boarding the ship and the notion of that captain is to just set sail into uncharted territory and see where we land in the end. You still have to pick a direction to sail, and that is the thing. What direction to sail?

There is also the issue of The Grey having created a bit of an emotional storm to navigate.  It is; however, subsiding a little. I guess I still struggle with unfinished business. I still struggle with not being able to end certain relationships the right way. They need to be ended, but they kind of don’t sit well with me right now. I guess I still struggle internally with trying to figure out the just way of doing so.

I think I have made  the decision to follow the business path as my basic compass direction.  I think it is the path that will allow me to use skills I already have and my education to the best use.  I am thinking a fully online MBA while I work in business; from an educational point of view, would be a good next step there.  I just don’t know where specifically this will take me. What shore will I ultimately land on.  Well that is the adventure part, isn’t it?  To pull out of the storm, I could really use an adventure right now.

I also have decided to actually make a plan for writing that novel.  That is my bucket list item and it could be a career if I get one novel to be published the right way,  It is something I can do in a few hours a week at first.  I have participated in National Novel Writing Month a few times and know you can write a lot of things in a short time.

Self-Reliance:

“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”

Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.

I guess the issue here is that I feel I have achieved self-reliance of a sort for myself and my wife.  I mean we could use greater prosperity, it is the line about ‘family, clan, tribe and nation’ that I ponder from time to time.  It may affect my career path and affect me decisions about what course to set and what education to pursue.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.

I work hard.  I enjoy working.  I want to enjoy my career again.  I haven’t felt that enjoyment of occupation in about three years now. I want it back because it really gives you a sense of purpose.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.

I wrote on hospitality yesterday.  I guess right now I am meditating on how to be a person who people feel at home in my presence. It is an interesting thing to think on.

Higher Virtue – Justice:

I struggle with justice.  I don’t vengeance, I want justice and that is much harder to achieve.  Probably at the center of the source of this storm right now is this desire for justice and knowing it might never happen.  There is also the notion that perhaps the scales are balanced because I am not exactly innocent here, but then again real friendship shouldn’t be about guilt or innocence.

 Daily Routine:

  1. Communication / Cuddle Time
  2. Blogging
  3. Reading / Study – Half-hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
  4. Clear In Box/ To Do List
  5. Financial Transaction Input
  6. Carb Count – currently one a day.

Daily stuff can be the greatest struggle during the Grey.  I give in to the temptation to skip things a lot during these times, but I notice when I don’t I get a little better, so things do get done. Just not everything some days.

Goals: 

  1. Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship.
  3. Find a new, better paying job by the end of March 2019 or before.
  4. In 2019 have  a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
  5. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  6. Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
  7. Follow Paleo Diet completely and use intermittent fasting until the end of 2019
  8. Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)
  9. Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.

I made finding a new job a goal by the end of March now, it is simply a practical change seeing I haven’t found one yet. I don’t keep track of goals that either don’t pan out or I have to modify. You never want to focus on your failures.

Goals achieved since Summer 2018: 1

Budgeting: 

  1. Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
  2. Debt Snowball
  3. Fully funded Emergency fund
  4. Invest 15% of income into retirement
  5. Pay off Home Early
  6. Build Wealth and Give

Tax time coming.  I am hoping that step one will be in place because of it.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – The Storm

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

 

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

If someone were to ask what is the most difficult thing for me right now it is to be positive about my future. This is an essential element to my understanding of personal honor. The reason is that the past right now, and memories of it, are very strong.  February last year is the time when things really started to go off course and I ended up in some very stormy seas because of it, all the way to the end of summer. I unfortunately has a dream Tuesday of last week that kind of supercharged all that because there were two people in that dream that were center stage to all that. Both of which hurt me pretty badly, and both of which I now regret ever being involved with in the first place. I also have my own demons from my own actions that were not in line with what I would consider good virtue.  MY introspective moments seem to lead to the following observation.

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The real need right now is to look to the horizon and see my course. The drag on that is the storm of The Grey, memories, self battles and negative feelings about last year.  I am trying very hard to look at this as phantom storm because it is really not there; but at the same time, it is. The cold reality sometimes is that some memories never fade and some scars never completely heal. I will probably carry some of this the rest of my life.  My hope is to find a way to adapt and see past it.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

Honor.  It’s a difficult word because it very much involves looking toward the future with a positive eye.  I am doing that positive part more as a matter of discipline than feelings right now. That makes the honor thing a little shaky because I don’t feel honorable.  But honor, the real stuff is a little deeper than feelings. I need to remember that more and more.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

There is some truth to the idea that on some days courage might be displayed in the fact that I get up and face the day. Getting out of bed a couple of times last week was the most courageous thing I did. Mostly though I am finally seeing that some days are just a grind and I need to just move and keep walking.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

Truth is I am at that point where things are just work.  Not the good kind of work either. It is just the day-to-day of doing what I need to do with that numbness that accompanies The Grey.  The reason I hate this is it reminds me so much of how I felt just a year ago as I would saddle up every morning on Sunday and go to preach.  I hate that feeling, but the only remedy I have found is to keep doing what needs to be done and wait for it to fade. I just don’t know how long that is going to be given the memories are pretty strong that keep stirring things up.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I have one thing that seems to light my way these days – Love.  I love my wife and I am working very hard to show that as much as possible. At the same time I fear that I am doing things purely to make up for what happened last year; out of guilt, and that is really not the kind of love I want to express.  More of a love that is new and fresh.  A new horizon kind of love.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals and Bucket List
  3. Meditation
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  6. Get Dressed for the Day

Pretty good.  It is hard to develop new habits, but my best bet for doing so is in the morning. It also has been providing motivation to get up every morning; and once I am started, I don’t seem to have trouble in keeping going.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.

I need to reassess what is possible by July.  But these things could be the kind of things that pull me out of the Storm.  One victory here might be the key to having the summer not be so draining.

Weightlifting:

It is these kind of emotional moments that make me miss the gym and my iron.  The iron never is anything but what it is. I miss the consistency of it.  I really hope i find a new job soon and that it is close to a new gym.  In the meantime, I am thinking a few dumbbells and a simple folding bench might be my answer so I don’t go completely soft.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – Skill in Battle

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

When it comes to being ready for the battles of life and developing the skills I need as warrior of life, it is the Self Virtues that do this most. Discipline has obvious implications but there is also the perseverance and fidelity virtues that teach me that continuing to  strengthen my resolve and relationships leads to being a stronger and more skillful warrior of life as well.

These also are the ones that help with The Grey the most.  This had been a bad week as far as how I personally feel, probably triggered by some bad memories and a bad dream I had Tuesday night.  No, I don’t feel sad.  That’s not what depression does for me.  It just makes me feel numb.  I found this on the internet this week that describes it perfectly.

Image may contain: text that says 'People think depression is sadness. People think depression is crying. People think depression is dressing in black. But people are wrong. Depression is the constant feeling of being numb. Being numb to emotions, being numb to life. You wake up in the morning just to g0 back to bed again. HealthyPlace.com'

It is this feeling that is The Grey. But I am the Grey Wayfarer – I keep up the Discipline of walking through it. I Persevere and I close ranks with my Circle in Fidelity.  It is the only ways I have found to combat The Grey and numbness that goes with it.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

I do struggle with the discipline of life when I get like this.  The temptation is to just stop and exist.  But I keep getting up and doing my routines and sticking to my plan because eventually it is the thing that gets me out of it. It is the thing that develop’s the skills I need to fight it.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Keep walking.  I guess I can say about this week when it comes to Perseverance. I keep walking.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Close ranks, stay loyal to family and philosophy and keep moving.  These are the strengths of fidelity in The Grey.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom: 

Keeping Balance in times like these is difficult.  Love is hard because you feel nothing and Justice is hard because you are self-absorbed in times like this.  Wisdom however at items has fertile ground in these times of depression for me. You have to be careful and keep it in context becasue as I have said before The Grey makes it hard to see clearly at times, but it is the coming out of the grey clouds of depression, that usually I have a moment of insight.  A minor epiphany does happen and things get better. Balance returns and wisdom grows.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week
  4. Writing – 4 times a week
  5. Cheat Meal Count – Currently 1

The dropping of the cheat meal to one has really been a challenge here. I do however think I have a plan for weightlifting as I may simply purchase a few dumbbells to at least keep my muscles toned at home, until some final decisions regarding a gym can be made. This might also be helpful in times when life gets busy.

Evening Routine:

  1. Take supplements and medications.
  2. Brush and Floss Teeth
  3. Out the Door Preparation
  4. Reading – 15 min.
  5. Go to Bed

Still a challenge, I need to simply get in my head that supper time is the trigger to working through it and I will be OK I think.

Nutrition:

This time of special nutrition has been in many ways a really good thing.  I haven’t been able to lift or walk and so it is keeping me from blowing up like a balloon.  Of course there is the thing of the stress level in my life being lower because I no longer carry the burdens of a lot of other people now that I am out of the ministry. That has had a good effect on my health as well.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – The Foundational Virtues have been good this week.  Courage is more than a warriors virtue, it is a life virtue and having the courage this week to just get up and function has been the difference maker.

Business – I focus on what needs to be done here.  I need an overall career plan at this point and then I need to start executing it.

Self – I can’t tell you how many times the Discipline of the Routines and just my dogged determinism to not quit kept me going this week. I am glad I established these things because it is they that help me the most when depression hits.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!