Discipline

The Rabyd Skald – Graduation Day

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day and Congrats Ferris State University’s Class of Fall 2018. 

I am taking not going to be posting the normal post today.  Don’t worry now that I have a break from my studies through the holidays, I will probably post a couple extra The Grey Wayfarer (Fantasy Serial) and Rogue Wizard post next week to make up for it.  I want to actually kind of work on those two series in the coming weeks as a way to cool down from academia.  BS in Political Science (with minors in Economics and International Business) ‘finished’.

I graduate today.  Not that I am finished.  I have an internship and maybe another class to do.  But I have met the requirements to walk across the platform so I am going to do so.  I need a win for the end of the year.  I will be a full-time student next semester simply because of the need for financial aid to finish the above.

Starting tomorrow, I will be back to the blogging routine. I will also start making arrangements for my internship and seeing what classes I can take online to keep that full-time status but most of the pressure will be off from a degree completion pint of view.

This last semester was the hardest I had to do not because it was academically challenging.  Rather,  it was an emotional up hill battle from day one.  I was emotional exhausted after the summer and so I fought motivational issues all semester, including right to the end.  But, I finished and fell over the line doing it. We will see what pieces I still have to pick up next semester but today I will wear the black robe the cap and walk the platform.  Just another path of the walk of life for the Grey Wayfarer.

See you tomorrow,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – A Strong Soul

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

I someone would ask me how I feel right now, I would tell them tired but still strong. It’s my soul that is tired. probably because of the fact I just don’t quit.  I do need this Yuletide time to be a time of rest and celebration. I need to be able to breathe for a bit.

Image result for sleep doesn't help if the soul is tired vikings

My goal is strength of soul more than anything else when it comes to myself.  My soul has been bruised, bleed out. battered, betrayed and a whole host of other things this past year.  I suppose though the fact that it is still alive and standing is a testimony to my perseverance if nothing else. Of course some of those wounds were self-inflicted too so my soul, heart and mind have a lot of arguments these days.  I do feel healing is something I am experiencing when I get the chance but it is not so much healing I need right now; but rather, to feel that my soul is getting stronger and stronger every day.  That the blood that was drained from it is starting to return.

I know I am using a lot of metaphors, but in describing what I am trying to get across it is pretty much what I am left with.  I suppose though if I do ever find my strength again of soul I will be stronger than before.  If that which does not kill you makes you stronger, then by the holy powers I am going to be a lot stronger.  A helluva lot stronger.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

The one thing I am glad for, because it has kept me sane and focused, is the various discipline I keep putting in my life.  Some things might seem weird to discipline like making sure I cuddle/communicate with my wife for at least ten minutes a day when possible.  Not something people normally see on a self-discipline routine of any type, but it is important to do given all that has happened.  Making sure things are good on all fronts.

I am going to do one thing this break which is reassess everything on my routines and disciplines lists.  Going over my goals, the bucket list and everything else will take priority as well.  As we come to the end of the year, it important to be clear about what the objectives are for the next one.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Sometimes when I keep getting up from defeat and failure, I wonder if it is perseverance or stupidity.  Part of my wants to say I have had enough and its time to throw in the towel.  Unfortunately or fortunately, that isn’t part of my makeup.  Quitting is never an option for me.

Image result for sleep doesn't help if the soul is tired vikings

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

I think, in the future I will benefit from the lessons of fidelity I have learned this year.  My own weaknesses in it are still evident when it comes to faith and my marriage based on last years performance.  That’s a fair and honest assessment. but out of that failure I have found a new understanding of fidelity.  That is, I know if I am being true to what I feel about those relationships, than being loyal to them is not a problem.

I have also learned what kind of friends I want in my life because true colors were shown very quickly and I guess now I am much more cautious who I give my friendship to these days. I don’t want to be the kind of ‘friend’ that others were to me this past year.  ‘Friends’ only when you can do something for them or your friendship makes them look good.  Perhaps there is another lesson in keeping my circle small and tight here. Probably very likely.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

I miss weightlifting right now.  I plan on joining a new gym on Monday and getting back at it, so I am hopeful that this part will start not only to keep my body strong but my soul as well. I need my mediation of iron.  Walking may be the treadmill every day for a bit until the weather gets better and I can use the trials again.  Cleaning is pretty consistent and it keeps my minimalist self from going nuts.

Nutrition:

So far the carb counting and cheat meal counting has worked.  I haven’t gone over at any time. With that said, things are going to start to get more tight after the holidays are over.  It’s at this point things will be put to the test and I must say the goal of looking as best I can is starting to be very real to me.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – Weary but good.  This week marks the end of another semester of school.  Graduation tomorrow, but I still have some work to do. I need to be very truthful about myself in the coming weeks as well as make good courageous and honorable decisions going into the new year.

Business –  I am coming to the end of a stage of life here and trying to start a new one.  My former career of ministry is done and I need to embrace a new one.  Now I just need to find that path. Thankfully I have learned for a long time the importance of work and being industrious.  I have learned to work toward being self-reliant and now it is time to gain enough prosperity to be hospitable to those who need it.

Self – Strength needs to be recovered here but I think the path I am on that involves fidelity, discipline and perseverance will help me.  The goal in the end is to be a proud Viking soul that is prosperous and strong.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – New Identity

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

I am writing this a couple of days early to clear my weekend schedule for both school and I promised that I would give you a double dose of fiction this Saturn’s Day.  I am not sure of the Pagan Pulpit on Sun’s Day. That will greatly depend on how things go this week and the early weekend.  My perception of this week is that it has been a busy one but what I want to talk about at this point is how my identity is changing into something else.

For about two decades I have been a pastor and Christian theologian.  None of that is true anymore, that identity for all practical purposes is a dead one.  I mean my Master’s Degree in Theology is still there as well as my Bachelor’s in Biblical Studies/Ministry, so I could pass myself still as a theologian, but not a believing one.  I suppose from a certain point of view that makes me a dangerous critic of Christian doctrine and theology because I can’t be accused of being ignorant of what Christians believe.  Not that I want to be such a critic; as in truth, I would rather start focusing my time on things that are more personally productive. I would rather focus on developing a new identity.

My problem is I feel very much like I am back in college making that decision for the first time.  There are differences as I know I am probably more experienced than I was thirty years ago, as well as ‘wiser’, whatever that means.  My issue is what am I now?  I know somethings that have not changed – I am still a husband, father and grandfather.  I am still a good friend.  I just don’t know what else I am right now.  Options:

Professor – This would mean a master’s degree in economics probably and then Ph. D work.  The issue I have with this one is continued financial aid and debt. I then would have a long-term career possible, if I made tenure so I could retire when I wanted to retire. I guess this one is on the top of the list because I have been told I am a good teacher and so that is the issue here in that it would fit me well and past experience in public speaking and teaching would not be wasted.

Business – This is an option because the pull of money is on me fairly strong as I need to make a bunch money in order to make sure retirement is even possible.  I could get an MBA at Ferris as the have a completely online one as well.  Corporate ladder or start my own business?  There are options here that are very flexible.  I know people from long experience, so that would be an asset as well.

Lawyer – Like it or not, my Political Science Degree is also preparation for a legal career. There are plenty of law schools in Michigan, so there is that.  I can’t put it off the list because with my own practice I can’t be fired either. I really do need a career path where I am in the driver seat as far as employment.

Writer – I have already had one career that starved me on occasion, so being a writer has purely emotional appeal, not a financial one.  It has risks. I would have to have another job until it could pay for things.  It also has the advantage of being non-ending.  I could do it in retirement for that matter.  Right up until they put me on my viking ship to burn as it sails out to sea. I am the Rabyd Skald after all.

I just don’t know which of these could be my identity or even a combination might be in order. I just don’t know. It has to fit me to be an identity and that is the challenge for me right now – finding what fits. The one thing I know does not fit anymore is ministry.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Once school is done I will have to do a reassessment of the areas in my life where discipline might be need.  Right now it is just obvious what needs discipline. The real problem right now for me is my old gym is closed and I need a new one and that means I will probably not be able to lift for a bit while I find a new one.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Defeat and failure are something I try to avoid but my attitude about them is far more positive which is to say – once you have failed you can’t go back and fix it.  You can only move on by getting back up and moving forward.  I think this is something I may need to remember soon as I am struggling very much in one class and I don’t know how it is going to come out.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

I haven’t really thought about fidelity much this week as I have not had much time to be anything but loyal myself.  I guess the only struggle I still have is what to do if I ever cross paths again with certain people.  I simply do not know how I will react.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

I miss weightlifting this week but I am using the extra time for homework. Cleaning and walking were on target, so that was good.  I do need to find an alternative walk site starting next week.

Nutrition:

I need to define a couple of things.  A Cheat Meal for me is basically a period of time (a half hour to an hour) where I can eat pretty much any food and drink any beverage without counting it toward carb count for the day.  A Carb Count is a single serving of carbs outside a cheat meal and during the day,  Right now with five Cheat Meals and a Carb Count of five a day, I have a lot of room.  As the weeks  go by however this is not going to remain the case.  By the last month things will be very tight.  I need to remember those pictures are coming on my 50th birthday.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – All good here, I guess I am simply just putting my head down and trying to finish the year out as best I can. When 2018 hits the rear view mirror, I will probably let out a cheer.

Business – I am really looking forward to the job search and finding this new identity for myself.  My real issue is surviving it financially until then. Thankfully these virtues are not a problem for me for the most part so I keep doing what I need to do.

Self – Right now staying disciplined is tiring but I know it will be worth it.  Fidelity and Perseverance are now more central so I worry less about them right now anyway.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – No, I Don’t Want a Man Cave – I Want a Study

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

This is another week where doing a proper Of Wolves and Ravens is going to be too difficult so you get a Rabyd Skald instead. Mostly I just want to touch base a little about things without a real format or order and I want to talk about one thing I definitely want as far as where I live someday.

I would say The Grey and I have our moments.  I just have the defense of having school work to do to combat it.  I keep busy and that is the main thing.  I have a couple of days off from work but they will be filled with writing a paper. I don’t know if it will be my last one, but I suspect it might be the best one I have done for school.

School may be an issue as far as financing.  I don’t think my internship is going to be a paid one although I think I can do it online so I won’t have to travel to campus.  The issue becomes financial aid will not cover something part-time like that as it is only four credits.  I would have to basically attend full-time for another semester in order to pay for the internship.  Full time requires at least 12 credits so I would have to pick up about three classes.  I would need them all to be online and probably 100 or 200 level so I can finish with some extra skills.

My wife and I finished our last counseling session with our counselor as he is heading to Guam.  We are kind of discussing whether or not we need further counseling as a couple. The last session was a good one and the counselor thinks we have made progress and that we could go forward without it being a necessity.  I still would like some counseling for me but I don’t know if we can afford it right now. Maybe if I get a better job with some decent insurance I can consider it.

One thing my future vision of my life must contain is a study.  I don’t want a man cave although my study might have man cave elements like a wet bar and maybe a classic pin-up on the wall.  For me this is more about having a place for intellectual and creative pursuit with a masculine feel to it. I need a place like that to retreat to when the world gets too much. A place to read, study, write, relax and meditate.

Well, need to get to work on school stuff so I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – Paleo Nutritional Planning Winter 2018-19

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

One of my goals is to be in the best shape possible by my Birthday so I can take some progress pictures.  That would be March 18th, 2019.  I will be 50.  There is something about these birthdays where the first number and last number both change.  I mean ten was probably where I first became aware of abstract thought and started to find girls far more interesting.  Twenty I went from being single to married and started my first round of college.  Thirty was a year where I became ordained as a minster and became pastor of my first church.  Forty was the year I started my last church.  Now I approach fifty and it truly is a milestone.

I will be finished with school and very close to the end of my internship.  I will be hopefully starting a new career with a new job.  2019 is truly going to not just be a new chapter in my life but in truth a whole new part to the story. I want part of that to be able to stand naked in front of the mirror on March 18th, 2019 and say: ‘Damn Ed, you look really good for fifty.”

The biggest part of that happening is going to involve nutrition.  I lift weights and walk/hike and that is important, but it is nutrition that not only gets results but allows you to keep them.  It is about lifestyle choice that leads to a better life, not just a better body.

Philosophically, I know that plans that involve meal planning, counting calories and points do not work for me.  I have said it before I do the best when I can control what I eat and when I eat it.  What has worked so far is a combination of Paleo and Intermittent Fasting.  The issue right now is to train myself to make that even more discipline and tighter as I get closer to my birthday.  After that finding a basic patterns that works and keeps working will be the goal. The details of this plan will be below in nutrition section but my basic idea is to slowly drop the number of carbs sources I can eat a day and the number of cheat meals a week. The four weeks leading up to my birthday both of these will be very low; if they exist at all.

Couple this with intermittent fasting and you get a powerful combo that so far has dropped my weight probably fifty pounds since May.  I don’t really go by weight though as my basic test of how I feel and look to me is the naked in front of the mirror test.  If I can look in the mirror and feel proud of what I have accomplished and my wife is giving me bedroom eyes, then I will have considered it a breakthrough.  Then it will be about maintaining it into the future.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Nutrition is simply one of those areas I am trying to apply more discipline.  To be harder on myself, so greater things can be achieved.  My homework and study time right now is tight with this as well, but I take comfort in the fact there is less than three weeks to go and the last half of December is pretty much going to be chill time.  I will still be working in retail, so it won’t be completely relaxing until after January 1st.  I just won’t have three major things to work on, just two. I will probably use the extra time to start disciplining myself toward attaining some other things on my list of goals and the bucket list.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Shit.  I look back at 2018 and marvel how many times I was knocked down and got up.  I am not talking simple knockdowns either but full on flat on your ass knockdowns where you slide from the force of the blow for twenty feet.  Where you lay there gasping for breath wondering if you are going to live knockdowns.  I got up from all of them and I still am shaking my head about it.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

I think the biggest realization I have had this week is how much I now distrust people when they say they are my friend or want to be my friend.  I can tell I am still skeptical of this. Only people who proved my friend during this year do I seem to trust without question, and even then I wonder very slightly from time to time.

I really do need a new small local circle from a social point of view, but like I told the counselor on Tuesday, I probably will have to look at my new career to find those people. My hope for starting a new support group of some kind might be an avenue as well.  The one thing I don’t trust is old wells that have no water – the church or friends who disappeared when things got tough.

At the same time, I kind of marvel at my wife’s forgiveness and loyalty to me.  She has no reason to be. None.  I guess she loves me.  I probably should follow her example and give some people a second chance.  Some, but not all that’s for damn sure. Being led astray by others about me is one thing.  Being a person who straight up abused my trust and betrayed me is another.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

This week has been more about school than anything else.  What this has done is limited trips to the gym and school oddly as class has not been something I need to attend on a couple of occasions. Walking and lifting will not reach their goals this week as I am hitting the books instead.

The gym situation is coming to a head as I will no longer need to travel to the city where my gym currently is as often.  Plus, it looks very much like my gym will close soon.  That means changing gyms closer to where I work now. Once that happens, training will take on more importance.

Nutrition:

Paleo Diet means I avoid carb sources of foods like the plague.  I have pretty much eliminated pasta.  What I need to do is slowly wean myself off them pretty much altogether.  Part of this is re-educating myself on what I can eat and eating more of it.

The intermittent fasting basically will go like this.  I eat breakfast then fast until eight hours later, then I can eat until I go to bed. At first this will be weeks that start with an even-numbered Sundays.  Four weeks out from March 18th, 2019 it will be all the time.

The two things that will be added are a weekly check list of cheat meals where when I have one I check one cheat meal off and when I have used them all for the week, I can’t do any more.  The other thing I will add is a daily carb food source check list.  I want to basically start shrinking both down every week or two.  The goal the last month is to have no carbs at all daily and one cheat meal per week.

December 2nd – December 22nd: Weekly Cheat Meals: 5  Daily Non-Paleo Foods: 5

December 23rd – January 5th: Cheat Meals: 4; Daily Non-Paleo Foods: 4

January 6th – January 19th: Cheat Meals: 3; Daily Non-Paleo Foods: 3

January 20th – February 2nd: Cheat Meals: 2; Daily Non-Paleo Foods: 2

February 3rd – February 16th: Cheat Meals: 1; Daily Non-Paleo Foods: 1

February 17th – March 18th – Cheat Meals: 0 (special occasions only), Daily Non-Paleo Foods: 0 – I will actually extend this out for the rest of the week but the goal is my birthday which is a Monday.

Of course extra cheat meals are allowed for special occasions:  Birthdays and holidays.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – I don’t feel to bad in this area.  I did come to the conclusion this week that I will feel a great deal better as far as Courage, Honor and Truth once my degree is finished.  Still work to do, but I feel much better.

Business – Things are coming to a head, graduation, internship and new job search,  I have a feeling my hard work is going to start paying off. Prosperity with purpose is getting closer.

Self – I feel the best about this area. Have for a long time.  This week particularly.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – Three Week Timer Set

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sun’s Day

Three weeks.  It’s all I have left of school and my degree pursuit.  Because of the need at this point to keep on track I am probably going to do a The Rabyd Skald Post to start each week to get a sense of my bearings as far as where I am and how much time I have left.

This is a good week with a lot of potential to get a lot of things done.  I only have twenty hours of work this week so there is extra time for homework and I am going to need it.  There is work to complete that I can get done in time I just have to stay focused for the two weeks left of class and the last week of exams.  I also have some practical shit to do as far as getting ready for graduation.  What’s left:

Cross Cultural Communication – This class had a group project that is already completed.  I just need to evaluate my peers and their performance.  Do the final chapters of reading and the final discussion online.  One last test which is the last day of class not on exam week because it is an online class.  I figure this class will take a day plus the discussion over three days to finish. It’s my last International Business class and finishes off that minor.

GIS – I have to confess I am behind here and the first priority will be to catch up.  I have maps to do and one lab.  None of this takes more than an hour to an hour and a half to do.  It’s just a matter of sitting down and doing them and keeping up when they are assigned. I have to confess my real problem with this class is it is something I probably might have to understand how it works but I will never do this stuff as a career.  I am just not into geography or computer programs that deal with it. It is however required for my Political Science Degree.  It’s Online so the work will also be done the last day of class.

Inferential Statistics – My problem with this class is I find math too easy mostly.  I have aced every raw math class in college so far.  I have a tendency to overlook this class at times. There is also the problem that I can’t really work ahead in this class as the professor assigns stuff to do for the next class and that’s pretty much how it rolls.  I have found the theory part of this class very interesting and relative to my Economics work.  That’s probably why its one of two classes that finishes off my Economics Minor. I just need to do every assignments and keep up with it as they happen.  I am sure there will be a final during finals weeks as it is one of two on campus classes I have.

Health Economics – I really only have one major thing left for this and that is the academic paper.  Thankfully, I am can double dip on this one and my Capstone (More on this later).  It is basically going to be a 15 page paper that is journal publishable.  That means probably 20 to 30 sources and a little bit of writing to do. This is one of my on campus classes so it has an exam time during exam week.  I will have time to study for that, so no worries until then.

Political Science Capstone: Also a scholarly journal publishable paper. I decided early on that this would be in Health Economics Policy so I could double dip and this idea was accepted by both professors.  I have to give a defense like a thesis on this one too so there is that as well.  I almost wish I had done this with my internship next semester but I figured let’s get everything done so I can start the job search sooner.  Luckily I am basically writing one fifteen page paper and counting it for two things.

This week is one where I need to make sure my three classes (Cross Cultural Communication, GIS and Inferential Statistics) are caught up and stay caught up to the end.  I also need to do a lot of research for this one paper and it has to be scholarly research on Google scholar or the campus library.  I need to have an outline, literature review and thesis fairly soon. Like by Wednesday so I am not planning on getting much sleep or much relax time in.  Tuesday my wife and I have counseling and I am going to have to consider that my break from all this at least this week.

I am initiating a hiatus on all entertainment forms except blogging each day.  I can only engage my routines, my homework and studying for the next two weeks for sure. The reason I can take this is frankly I can see it is coming to an end and by December 16th, I will be effectively finished with everything.  This week is getting the grunt work done, getting things up to date and keeping it there. I suspect a lot of caffeine consumption.

I have to pick up my cap and gown and order tickets for graduation. December 15th is the day but I really only have two weeks for most of this. I also have to finalize my internship for spring term but that should be simply filling out the forms. Time to make it happen.

To battle,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – Black Friday

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

When this post drops I will be at work in the middle of Black Friday.  I work retail and since my company changed its dress code to be more relaxed I wear black t-shirts.  All the time, every day.  Like Wednesday Adams I will stop wearing it when they make a darker color. I look at my wardrobe and mostly it is black t-shirts.  Some are plain for work but most are dotted with sayings of one form or another.  I like Black.  Except when it precedes the word Friday.

I have worked retail for more Black Fridays than I care to remember.  I have seen people do some incredibly desperate and stupid shit to get the gift they want for Christmas.  The irony is that the same gift will still be available later and probably at a discounted price from Black Friday. I have seen people hurt or almost crushed.  I have witnessed two fights.  I have also seen retail not really understand technology.  I worked a cue line on year of something that sold big time the year before, but that year the line was done in fifteen minutes. But we had 120 of the things left.  Meanwhile in some other place in the store, something got mauled in five minutes and we were handing out rain checks.

My goal every time I work Black Friday is to survive.  That usually involves staying away from crowds as much as possible and huddling with my fellow workers in groups. If I don’t post on Saturday, you know what happened. To all of us this retail season – may the odds be ever in your favor.

See the source imageDiscipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Well from the time I get off work on Friday until the end of the month, it’s all about school work with small dots of work.  Graduation is December 15th and that is three weeks away.  Two weeks of class left after break and then exams.  Discipline needs to be tightened this week to get all the last projects done by November 30th. Once more into the breach dear friends.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

As the year comes to an end, I look back and I am amazed at what I have come through.  It seems to have been one trial right after the other. There was some bright spots and some good times to be sure, but there were a lot of crisis moments. I fell down a lot.  I however got up one more time than I fell down.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Fidelity has been a struggle this year with one person in particular.  We have come through that and I am happy for that.  I don’t know if this area is so much of a struggle for me anymore at times. When it comes to the divine, I simply know I can be loyal to respecting what may be, respecting my fellow human travelers and honoring the people who deserve it.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

Cleaning and weightlifting is not a problem it’s the walking as the cold hits and the snow starts flying. Once school is over I will need an alternative walking spot.

Nutrition:

Now that phase one of the holiday season is over with its feasting for Thanksgiving. I will be intermittent fasting every other week which I have decided the weeks whose Sundays start with an odd number will be the weeks of intermittent fasting.  Then on February 17th forward to my Birthday will be a solid month of it. Paleo Diet when I do eat as tight as possible.  Cheats on holidays and birthdays and probably a diminishing schedule each week. It’s when and what I am eating that matters not how much.

What I may do is find a way to do a negative weekly schedule thing with the number of cheats I can use each week and cross them off as I do them.  Each couple of weeks reduce the number I can have.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – I think this week was one of the better ones I have had in terms of Honor, Courage and Truth.  It has been a hard look in the mirror this week.

Business – Not too subtle reminder that the goal is something better this week.  I want something better than I have and I work hard each day to get one step closer. It can be a struggle at times to be in the moment.  To be Industrious, Self-reliant and Hospitable.

Self –  Discipline is the thing I need the most right now.  I am staying loyal and I keep going forward despite the setbacks.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – Holiday Nutrition

/ Ed Raby Sr / 2 Comments

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

My friend recently posted the above meme and generated a very interesting discussion between his wife, himself and the few other friends he tagged.

Whenever I have lost weight I always get the comment: “Holidays are coming, what you going to do then?” Well, for one I am not going to annoy people about my dietary accomplishments.  It undercuts the whole spirit of celebration that is supposed to be around the holidays.

Secondly, I am going to live with the understanding that one day here and there off diet is not going to destroy my plans.  I can participate with my family in whatever they are eating.  If its meat laden I will probably grab more of it along with veggies and fruit where available. I will have things I am not supposed to eat with my diet.  It will be a scheduled cheat day and I will cheat because it is good for the soul to just enjoy life and all the food that is available.

Finally, the rest of the time during the holidays, I will be very strictly Paleo with my intermittent fasting every other week.  This will be at least 6 out of seven days and will more than make up for the one day here and there that is bad. More details do follow.

As for the rest of this journal entry, I am feeling better although this week has been very frustrating as my car has been out of commission, so my wife and I have had to juggle things and borrow.  Our other car has had two flat tires this week.  Yeah, not feeling really friendly toward cars these days.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

My discipline is being stretched right now as the end of the semester is upon me for the last time ( for this degree anyway).  I am really struggling to get things done but it is not as bad as it was.  I am now in the mode where I realize each day a lot of writing needs to get done.  This blog becomes my break from all that academic writing, so I look forward to it every morning.  I am starting to get hard on myself though with the studies. It will pay off.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

I haven’t been defeated yet, I haven’t failed in a while.  That said, I prepare myself for the inevitable reality of it.  This is why I spend time meditating and trying to find ways to heal up a little better.  I also prepare my mind for this reality. I know I will fail to get defeated at some point, the preparation is so I get up quickly and get going again as fast as possible.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

The issue of thanksgiving comes up as a loyalty concern to God for some.  I am not sure that is what this holiday is about.  It’s probably more about being thankful that there is a good meal on the table, family, friends and football.  If there is a family holiday it is this one.  I will write a little more on this in next weeks Odin’s Eye, but for now I can say my feelings about this holiday are still the same, but I find that perhaps it was always more about family than faith.

The subject of friendship comes up a lot.  I have lost quite a few and I have cut off more than my share.  I tend to be very loyal to my friends.  Almost to a fault. At the same time my circle is small because I don’t trust at that level with just anyone.  Recent events have made me even more cautious about who I say is my friend.  I am already introverted so most of my friends are extroverts who adopted me or long time friends who are more like family.  I probably could use a few more close friends but because I give much, I expect much in return.

I guess having been so disappointed recently in many of my ‘friends’, I am a little gun-shy about friendship in general. Seems like people only want your friendship because they gain something out of it and the moment you become a problem for them, they dump you. I don’t think I could take that right now, my heart is bruised enough already.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

Solid this week, I only missed a day of walking because a class was cancelled. It still brings up the fact I need to find some alternative when I don’t have school and that will be very soon.

Nutrition:

OK.  The details of this nutritional plan are all about my 50th birthday which is Monday, March 18th, 2019.  MY goal here is to be in the best shape I have been in a long time in terms of fat loss, my muscles lean and strong and the whole thing flexible.  I want to look really good.  My main struggle for years was nutrition, but I think I have found a formula that works for me as evidenced by recent gains.

It’s just not as tight as it could be. I am not strictly Paleo as carbs do find their way into my diet probably every day and I want to handle that.  Mostly it is bread because sandwiches are cheap.  I also would have to say cereal is like that too. I need a bread substitute and something like cereal with the same affordability and quickness of preparation.  Something to research this week.

I haven’t always been strict of have a pattern about the intermittent fasting either.  I want to do this every week. I eat breakfast so I can take my pills and after that I should go on a no food lock down until 2 pm.  My eating window should be breakfast and from 2 pm to 8 pm.  If I get a different job that is more normal than the 4 am to 1 pm I usually work then this would probably shift to noon to 8 pm and I would take my pills at noon. I actually would probably like that a lot.

I am going to run this diet from November 23rd (Day after Thanksgiving) until my birthday and probably to the end of March.  Cheat meals will be the holiday gatherings and birthdays.  I will also give myself three cheats a week during this time which I might add as a part of the weekly routine to count it. In the meantime I need to do some research for Paleo alternatives to certain things.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – I don’t know about things here still.  I feel good about some of it and feel other parts of it still need work.  I have discovered that not giving a shit what people think can lead to sense of self value and thus honor.  That said, honor is still a struggle. Courage is much better and so is Truth.  If anything Truth has been off the chain for me lately and I have to exercise a lot more tongue biting than normal.

Business – The basic struggle here is still the same.  My wife and I need to get to a place of financial security that has enough extra prosperity to start working our plans.  Right now things are tight because we need to really increase our income.  Once that happens, Self-reliance and Hospitality will be much easier.  Both of us are definitely hard-working so that’s not a problem.

Self – The friendship fidelity questions remain but the Discipline and Perseverance questions are less and less each week.  I am starting to feel a little more relaxed about things because of those two.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – The State of My Body

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal:

Well, with heart and mind finished it is time to turn to my body.  I must say when I look back at all the shit I went through this summer, I am glad I did focus on my body and health because it gave me a focus to work on through all that.  I still found a way to get to the gym regularly and I began to focus on nutrition.

I now hover slightly under 300 lbs.  I am six-foot four and I have lifted weights for a couple of decades, so I have a good deal of muscle mass, so I don’t think I will ever be able to drop below 250.  The lowest weight I achieved in the last ten to fifteen years is 285 and that was with a pretty extreme diet but it could have been tweaked because I still was eating a lot of carbs back then.  With my new diet, I am interested in seeing how low I can go now.

That said, my main measure of progress is not my weight.  It actually is standing naked in front of a mirror.  Yeah, that’s right because it’s the only way to give yourself and honest assessment and provide motivation.  You stand there until you can see clearly what the problems are and get mad enough to do something about them.  I still have three problems areas which are my inner thighs, my waistline and my pecs.  In the first and last of these there is a little fat still present but it’s surrounded by loose skin from the losses so far.  My waistline is definitely lighter but there is still room for progress.  Only time will tell if my skin will lay flat.

I as glad for the progress this summer but I am still making some now.  The real thing this summer was that my heart was wounded and my mind muddled but my body was doing good. It was getting stronger, leaner and feeling better.  It’s probably what kept me from completely losing it.

My diabetes was heading the right direction at my last checkup.  The real great unknown is that the only health coverage we could afford at the moment was something that covers if the shit hits the fan and not much else.  My doctor also has moved to clinic practice and I will have to find a new one anyway.  This is where I really need to find a new job and reassess things as far as health care, because I and my wife are at an age where things need constant monitoring at least a couple of times a year.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

There are two opposing views that work in my head all the time – The one in my head that says I can do better and the other one that says no one is perfect.  I believe in driving myself to be better, but acknowledging that Rome wasn’t built in a day, so it’s one step at a time thing.  So far I think that everything I can provide discipline for has it. I am constantly evaluating my development and how things are going.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

It could be said that I get up every time I fail.  That said, sometimes it can take a bit of time.  Time is not something I have a lot of these days.  It could be said that I am facing the crunch of the end of the semester and graduation looms, so as I also said on Monday watching my six a lot emotionally, so I don’t have a meltdown at the crucial time. Being able to take a hit and still be standing and moving forward is important right now and I need to be in that state of mind and heart.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

I get asked how thing are going between my wife and I from time to time. I can only say that we have our good days and bad but it’s more good than bad.  The observation I would make is that we are healing our marriage which both of us acknowledge was damaged by both of us which led to certain vulnerabilities.  It’s this process of learning to build again, to build loyalty between us and a wall around us that is our chief focus.

The situation kind of forces us to stick together. Thanks to the ministry, we are about 20 years behind all the rest of our friends of the same age as far as financial security.  Both of us have said it feels like we are back in Bible college times but we are older and wondering what time warp is this?  We either stand back to back or we are going to be in trouble, so that helps the fidelity question on our marriage.

The other areas of fidelity are solid and always have been at least on my side.  I actually have considered going through my friends list on Facebook and doing another purge.  There are just some people who are my ‘friends’ but I haven’t had any interaction with them for years. I keep my circle small.  I value loyalty as much as I try to give it.  I value it more than the number of friends I have.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

Seems solid other than when I have a class canceled or like this week my car breaks down and I had to skip a class, the walking needs and alternative.  Cleaning and Weightlifting will be finished Saturday so that is good.

Nutrition:

I have an intermediate goal that may find its way on to my goal list.  To be in the best shape possible for my 50th birthday which is in March. Nutrition is going to be a big part of that and I need to lock down my eating habits from now until then.  I have received more remarks this month than in a long time as to how much weight if have lost and how good I look.  A lot of that has to do with the Paleo Diet and intermittent fasting.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – My heart is a wreck still but I have made some progress in learning how to heal, the need to find closure has been identified and I feel that even though this section of the NNV is in some cases my weakest, it is getting better.

Business – Really this is just working things as I try to finish my school and get a better job.  It’s about working the early stages of the plan to set a foundation for prosperity.  My mind is coming into focus but it really still needs some work and I am trying to do that work better.

Self – This is the best area of my life right now.  I feel stronger, leaner and better physically than I have in years.  Discipline is returning to my life and I feel good about that.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – The Self Virtues – Difficulties or Conditions

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal:

My wife and I had our counseling session and the one item that has been rolling in my head continues to be closure.  When I brought up some of the situations I felt I didn’t have closure on, he asked me if they were difficulties or conditions.  A difficulty is something that you can do something to fix.  Conditions are something that is basically you have to live with.  A difficulty might be a broken arm; a condition might be to have diabetes.  One you can over time fix and heal from. The other is something you will bear the pain and responsibility for maintaining for the rest of your life.

I never really answered what I thought to each of these situations would be to him.  It was more something I was left to think on and so I’m here writing this journal entry and wondering what the diagnoses for each of them might be.  I already live with a lot of conditions.  I really don’t want anymore of these psychological or social conditions than I already have.  I really do want to leave this all behind.  I want proper closure. I want these to be difficulties and not conditions, but I don’t see how that can be. At least not yet.

The other issue the gleaming generality that if I wait long enough time will heal it all.  Bullshit.  I still carry stuff from other situations and I can say this – time doesn’t heal everything. There are some wounds that leave you with a limp or a crooked jaw, or scars that never completely heal.  I wish people would stop saying that.  I suspect if people could see my soul, they would see scars, wounds and missing parts.  I have certainly had a lot of the blood of my soul spilled on the ground this past summer, so I might be a little spiritually anemic as well.  Time may make coping with all that easier, but it won’t make everything go away.  I suspect all the wounds I received in this last summer won’t ever heal completely.   Closure usually helps speed healing up, but I am not sure how to get it right now on several fronts.

I want the things I am facing to be difficulties that I can overcome in time, but I am having to face the hard reality they may be conditions I simply need to learn to live with.  Like my diabetes, I simply have to find a way to overcome most of the problems and symptoms and move along with my life despite the condition.  Or I need to find alternative methods of closure other than the ones that normally you would use.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Discipline at this point is not knowing what to do.  I know that.  What I need to do is consistently do things I know and so far that seems to be working.  I wish I could say perfectly but that is still the goal.  The Routines are really the heart of this; so over time, I can make better observations and adjustments.  Staying busy does help the healing process, so that’s good.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

As I look at this weeks Journal entries, I can see the desire here.  Keep getting up and keep going.  I want to move forward and take hits better. Our counselor this time said we were a good couple and he feels that this whole thing has made us stronger.  I wish I had his confidence, because I still feel vulnerable in certain regards.  I, however, am a stubborn man who refuses to quit and in this regard, it is a good thing.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

I was discussing friendship this week on a post of Facebook.  It wasn’t a long discussion but I had to note that fidelity in friendship is difficult to find.  My recent experience means that, with all but a very few people, I check my 6 a lot more even with people who call themselves my friends.  I have learned another painful lesson that betrayal’s greatest problem is it comes from your friends.  I am even more antsy at social gatherings because I feel like people are observing me to gossip later.  I am introverted to begin with and this just kills most of the desire to be social with all but my closest friends and family. And my closest friend list has gotten really short.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

So far everything is good here.  Basically when they are needed they get added to the daily routine and get done at some time during the day. I will probably know more when I have been at this a little longer.

Nutrition:

Mostly OK.  I mean the plan is basically intermittent fasting and Paleo Diet so it is more about when and what I eat. I have two challenges.  1) Finding a carb free alternative for bread that works for me and my budget.  2) Making sure I break my fast with a meal at noon time.  It’s not always possible, so may need to do some planning there.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – I feel my foundation is solid.  Probably a good thing.  I still work on things here as they are not perfect but I feel like these are the areas of least concern, other than honor.

Business – Making progress and in a month and a half school will be done except for an internship and I already have plans for that. November is going to be an interesting month and hopefully a productive one.

Self – I struggle here.  I just don’t want to lose myself and what I want to do.  To Balance that with marriage and family is sometimes a lot of work. Sometimes dealing with The Grey and wounds makes it hard to look into the mirror. Hopefully that will change soon.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!