Depression

“Heritage, The Grey, and Dried Salt” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 27

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day:

I should be happy with my life right now, but I struggle with it.  Things are getting better for my life all the time, but I feel something is missing in my life. Now those of you of faith need to understand this has been going on for a while and it isn’t the result of losing my faith as it precedes this.  Jesus never filled this supposed hole in my heart as much as I preached it was so.  Before I lost my faith in Christianity, it was this thing known as The Grey that was like clouds over who I was that indicated to me that I was missing something.

Heritage:

I have been studying my family history to see if there is anything in it that might indicate why this is so. I mean there are signs you can see in people by where they lived when they got married, the number of children, divorce, and death in a lineage that can tell you if things were rough or smooth for that person.  My continued use of Ancestory has proven to me that stories can be written and my lineage is varied but readable.

Some highlights:

  1. My father’s biological parents were people who eventually abandoned him.  His father because he was a drunk and his mother who knew she couldn’t afford him and his siblings.  The Bauman and Hole families are those legacies. The first family stretches back to Germany; the second is Dutch and Irish. I only know all this now because I discovered my biological grandmother’s (who I did meet while she was alive) maiden name and that opened the door to who she was married to and their parents. My grandfather was a drunk by all accounts and my grandmother found herself alone and on the streets.  She gave up my father for adoption.  She would go on to divorce two husbands and finally find a man who treated her well.
  2. This biological lineage has highlights but is noted most for its many marriages, divorces, and remarriages even at times when divorce was only allowed for infidelity indicating that infidelity was present. But also some of these remarriages are because a woman or man would watch their spouse die of some disease. There is a lot of sorrow on this side of the tree inflicted by the world and by self. I can see it and I don’t even know many details.
  3. My mother’s side of the family is far easier and better documented. It is a story of successful farmers, pioneers, and colonists. Most notably the Ackley’s who came from England to settle in the British Connecticut Colonies in the 1600s.  Many of them originally from Weymouth England and London.  They ended up coming further and further west until they settled in the Kalamazoo and Portage area of Michigan.
  4. Of course, my mother’s mom is even simpler and shorter.  The came from the Netherlands.  Like the whole family just picked up and left the Groningen area of the northern Netherlands.  My great grandparents and their parents all at the same time just got on a boat and came to America in the 1890s. They settled in Michigan and the rest is a short but powerful history of a family of Dutch Reformed people doing well in their new land.

So does heritage being this split have an effect on me? I guess I will wait for the DNA test results, to clear up the few loose ends that remain.  But right now the fact all of this is clearer should be something I am enjoying but other things seem to be pulling me into the Grey.

Depression: 

I believe part of it is where I live.  It has been mostly overcast and dreary this winter and that is never good for anyone with depression. I have been getting more concerned about my finances but it looks like a new job in my current company might help alleviate that short term for a bit anyway. My car and I went into the ditch and it is developing mechanical problems since.  I may need a ‘new’ one.  Life is intruding a lot right now and that triggers depression even if it is good.

Family trigger warning: Reading further might be a little too troubling for family members.  I am simply trying to get some things clearer in my mind and I find writing them and posting them does this, so hang on from here down. 

My marriage has definitely improved, but for me, there is still a lot missing and no matter how I try to fight it, I am becoming more restless every single day. The one thing for sure is whatever is missing, this improvement hasn’t fixed it, at least for me. I feel very much like I am giving up what I want to make my family happy at this point. I know what I want to do but I am fairly sure there will be a lot of pushback. This struggle, of course, causes The Grey.  That and thoughts returning from a lost love.

Dried Salt:

Miss Salty returned to mind due to posting a Facebook memory only to find her reaction to it with her name attached.  I guess feelings about her have solidified to a point.  I miss her; I care about her still, but I still wouldn’t trust her.  I know that sounds stupid probably, but the pain of this is still not gone.  I was looking at some old poems about her on this blog and the feelings are still there when I read them.  Although. I did manage to get through John Legend’s – ‘All of Me’ without crying once or shutting it off to avoid crying. She still haunts me like a ghost.

I avoid any sort of news about her, I haven’t even looked at her social media pages since June of 2019. I intentionally try to not think of her at times but she seems to come back in my thoughts more than I would like. WTF?  I should be a lot wiser from this whole situation but I miss that feeling I had and wonder if I can get it back. It is not happening with my marriage, improved though it is.

I guess I cling to this because, for a few months in 2018, I didn’t feel like something was missing.  This bothers me.  What was it that made me feel like I wasn’t missing something, because this relationship with Miss Salty, in the final analysis, was a shitshow?  How did this rollercoaster of an affair make me feel whole for once? For the first time, there was light in The Grey and I want to know what was it about this relationship that did that?  Can I get it back some other way?  All these questions are just made to order triggers for The Grey. I guess I have something to talk about with my therapist.

Walking the Grey:

True to form, Perseverance kicks in and no matter how I feel, I keep walking. I remain The Grey Wayfarer. Ravens of reason and wisdom overhead while following the wolves of what I need and want.  I search for the missing thing that will make me whole once again. Finding this wholeness is a large driving force and motivation in my life right now.  I walk the Grey because this is so worth it to me, I will walk in sadness for the rest of my life to find it.  Succeed or fail, it is worth that much to me.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Wayfarer’s Wells – Part 1” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues.

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Journal Entry:

In searching for an analogy of the purpose of my bucket list items I would say the idea of places on a path that stops at a well where you get to stop, get a good long drink of life and can sit down and pause and reflect on how great life is.   They become these way rest points for the wayfarer’s weary feet.

Under the foundational virtues, the bucket list items are much more about journies – two literal and one of the mind. The issue of be ing a traveler of life comes I up and this is very important to me as I now believe this is the only life I get, so I want to live it to the fullest. At the end of it, I want there to still be my sights on the wayfarer’s wells up ahead.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).  (achieved)

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

This is my major hiking trip goal.  I want to do this as my first test of whether or not. I can be a true hiker at that point. it is something I want to do and enjoy.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

I went to Budapest in 2011 with my daughter.  I never really had time to explore the city, but it remains the only city so far I have been in that I enjoyed. I want to return, absorb as much of the culture as I can.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Honestly Pursue, Accept and Speak Truth to All who will Listen.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in the year 2020.

This is a journey of the mind I want to take this year.  I sued to love reading but school kind fo ruined that which it always does temporarily.  But I feel those juices flowing again and there is so much new to absorb and read so.  I would also lek to be able to say – ‘yep read one book a week for a whole year.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Love for self comes up again.  I know it is winter and depression is a little harder to control in the cold and clouds right now, but it is more than that. There is so much I want to do and not a lot of time left when you really think about it in relation to my age and even though my health is good, I don’t want to take that for granted.  If I am going to love myself I need to start taking steps to make these things happen at a higher level. I am starting to feel stuck and that from a self-love point of view is not good.

Morning Routine:

  1. Stretching / Yoga
  2. Shower, Personal Hygiene, Breakfast, Morning Meds.
  3. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  4. Meditation – 5 min.
  5. Check Communications and Email.
  6. Paper Journal: Update To-Do List.
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

I find the yoga/stretching with meditation time to be enjoyable. I wish however it was a true habit and I need to work on that.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Approaching 2020” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 26

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sol’s Day!

As I approach the New Year there is a lot of for lack of a better word  -‘fear”.  I know seeing I meditate often on the virtue of Courage, fear seems to not be in line with the virtue but courage is not so much the absence of fear, but the ability to look at uncertainty and the fear it can bring and say ‘fuck it’.  I just need to look at 2020 in the light of opportunity despite risk rather than not taking the risk.

The Grey for the last two weeks or so is my constant anxious feelings about the situation.  Nothing major, just the constant nagging buzz of the flies of failure, struggle for something better and still the nag of a broken heart which I thought would be better by now.  On top of all that I can feel myself doing the same things over and over again expecting different results – most notably continuing to do what I do to make everyone happy and yet I feel restless and sad a lot.  I need a change of job and location.  I can feel it,  The Wayfarer needs to move. Literally and figuratively.

I am torn because here I am again trying not to hurt anyone while hurting myself at the same time. I can’t’ seem to find a win-win and this bothers me that there might not be one.  If I am going to win for myself, I may very well have to hurt some other people to do so.  I hate this conflict of not trusting people but at the same time not wanting to hurt them. I wish sometimes I had the capacity to get over hurting others but such is the fate of empaths. You feel the pain you cause as well as your own and that is what truly sucks.

I would like 2020 to be a good year where I find a new job, start moving toward prosperity and then also start being at peace with myself. I want to heal in the coming year, but all I can see his more pain and injury either way.  I don’t know.  Mostly I just need a better job somewhere else.

Writing Notes:

I will be posting the epilogue to Space Tramp tomorrow and the final two posts for  Rogue Wizard on New Year’s Eve.  Starting Woden’s Day I will be back to the regular schedule as this blog will truly become more of a journal blog than anything else.  I really need to free my time for other writing, reading, looking for a job, etc.

I hope sometime in early January to start my Youtube Channel but that depends on how quickly I can learn what I need to learn and I do need to learn some things.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Holiday Struggles” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 25

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day!

Happy First Day of Yuletide – Mother’s Night – A night sacred to Frigg and Freya so it is fitting that it starts on their day.  Tonight was the celebration of the ancestral mothers.  it is also in some Asatru communities the celebration of the virtue of Industriousness which is a virtue associated with mothers.  To the hard-working mothers out there – Skaal.

Walking The Grey 

I am definitely struggling with the holiday season more than last year and it is because I have so much on my mind about the end of this year and what I am going to try to accomplish next year. It is not so much about missing the meaning behind holidays this year as last year, but more about the year coming to an end and the one pagan tradition that I want to observe at the end of it.  – Oath Night (Dec 31).

There is also a massive amount of uncertainty to my life right now as far as the future and I am getting help with that but it seems for every question I answer in my mind there are many more.   This has caused some sleepless nights and no shortage of anxious thoughts.  I also feel like I am alone a lot and the loneliness is pretty heavy at times.  My wife, family, and freinds are great, but there are always those lone times for me and for some reason they seem infested with walking the Grey.

Blog News:

A little news from the blog front.  I order to have some more time in the coming year to write and engage in a couple other projects I am going to reduce the schedule to one post a day.  There might be a The Rabyd Skald or s special post from time to time, but for the most part, I want the regular pattern of The Pagan Pulpit, Three A Skalds’ Life posts covering the Virtues, Of Wolves and Ravens, Odin’s Eye and Freya’s Chambers.  In short, this blog is going to take on more of the characteristics of a journal and less a platform for my art.  I really need to get going on my writing for publication, reading and another project that I am thinking of launching soon.  This just simplifies things for me so I will have the time to do the rest.

Freya’s Chambers will return next week. This week there is simply too much Grey in my life even for a lighthearted look at sex and sexuality. I will also be finishing the Rogue Wizard and Space Tramp series, but not replacing them. Peace.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Before and After” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 24

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Woden’s (Odin) Day!

This post is a little later than usual because I am doing a little bit of an experiment with it.  In about a half-hour, my therapist and I will be meeting via Skype and we will be hopefully discussing some of my issues so what you are getting with this installment is The Grey and The Wayfarer ‘before and after’.  So the part marked ‘Before’ is what I was thinking before I went into session and the part marked “After” is my thoughts as I reflected on them after the session.  It has really been up and down these last two weeks so I need to talk about that.

Before:

The issues I want to discuss in this session are the main two of my marriage and identity.  In the issue of my marriage, there are some things I need to discuss with my wife and my therapist is going to help me, according to our last session, as to how to approach this discussion as I am a little apprehensive of talking about the specific issues.  It’s weird because this isn’t about sex or intimacy but more about common goals, vision and what are we going to do now. What are we now with our values shifting in different directions and the objective for our lives shifting.

The second issue of identity is one of trying to figure out what I am now that I am both an atheist and no longer a pastor.  Part of this is career issues that my job coach is helping me with and I will talk on that at a different time.  This is deeper than that.  More of a foundational question.  My hope is there will be some insight as the last two sessions have been more of me talking and her digesting things and coming to understand my situation.  Hopefully, she has some wisdom, because right now I could use some and I am starting to feel confined and trapped by the situation.  That’s before.  See what happens and then I will write an after and then post both.

After:

Things worked as I think she guided my own thoughts into doing what needs to be done.  I need to really think about a direct course of designing my life as far as what I am going to be while having options.  My primary identity is being a writer, but it is going to be my second one which can be multiple things that will define me as far as other people are concerned for a while.

Also, we talked about Christmas and the family mostly.  I just don’t want it to be drama, but I also have the task of telling people I don’t pray anymore over the meals.  It’s more about celebrating the season of Yuletide and being with the kids and grandkids as much as possible. I am just there to enjoy, not be the spiritual master of ceremonies.

Of course, we talked about my marriage and all I will say about that is that a conversation between us needs to take place soon.  No more there, as no one else needs to know yet what is going on. I just now have it very clear that before the new year my wife and I need to talk about some things. ‘Need’ being the keyword.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Hospitality, Atheism, and Asatru” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Hospitality

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Discussion:

I have been struggling with something for a while now and that is the ability to connect with people. When I was pastor fo my last church I created a small group of people with the idea of sharing and prayer for one another. I called it Living Stones based on `1 Peter 2:4-5:

And coming to Him as to a living stone which has been rejected by men, but is choice and precious in the sight of God, you also, as living stones, are being built up as a spiritual house for a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.

The point was to share one’s struggles and triumphs in one’s spiritual walk with Christ to become drawn together in relationship with each other and Christ as living stones.  it was good in that it was for a while one of the best support groups I was ever a part of and my main motivation for creating it was my need for companionship where I could be open with people about some of my feelings.  It is the support group aspect I miss very much.

Hospitality is the same virtue if you take a broad definition of showing care and concern for others.  Asatru’s definition is about sharing when one can, especially with those far from home. Being kind. But for me, it is also about gathering with others in an environment that is safe so one can share more than prosperity, but one’s life with others.  I miss it.  But I also have developed through the painful experience of trusting others that people can betray you when you need them the most.

The atheist community is foreign to me.  I mean not completely so, but I am just starting in it nad it is good that through the Clergy Project I have a group and it did meet my goal.  But it isn’t the same as having people in your life every day or a couple times a week. Real flesh and blood that you have hospitality with.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

I still need something but I am not sure I will ever have it again.  Fellowship.  I lack fellowship and it is eating at me.  The problem is I don’t trust anyone anymore. How does one meet a need in your life when you have trouble trusting those that could provide it?

Wants (Freki):

On a want level, I want this in other relationships to be deeper, but once again trust or my high expectations seem to get in the way.  So better not to trust at all than being disappointed.  Hospitality demands I trust and boy do I struggle with it even though it would gain for me something I need and want.

Reason (Huginn):

So what is the reasonable thing to do?  It is the question I will have for my therapist on Woden’s Day. I am glad to have a group to talk to and her about this, but how far do I trust them even. Or is the better question, how far do I trust them?  I hate being lonely on the one hand, but I can’t trust people at times enough to open up so I am not lonely. Will I ever find someone to be fully transparent with again?

Wisdom (Muninn):

Wisdom is very cloudy on this issue for me.  Grey and overcast. Hopefully, something will become clear.

Conclusion:

Hospitality is the virtue I struggle with the most. I just don’t know what to do about it.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Lonely Milestones” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 24

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day!

Introduction:

I know some of you are probably expecting Space Tramp and I do apologize for not having it this week.  I am really struggling with inspiration for writing and the issue of my muse is going to come up soon in my writing.  Its why I am trying to finish both Rogue Wizard and Space Tramp in the next couple of months because I am trying to get a completely new fantasy series going that creates a muse of sorts.  Or more concretely explores the topic of inspiration so I can find a source for it that is more consistent.

I have a few things to talk about in this edition of The Grey and The Wayfarer.   1) Some Milestones for the Blog, 2) My Loneliness and 3) A Personal Reflection on Therapy.

Blog Milestones:

Some good news upfront.  1) This blog actually past 500 posts a couple of weeks ago.  Now I can say I do have a bit of content.  2) Yesterday I hit the 100 WordPress follower mark.  I want to thank everyone for reading and following.

My Loneliness:

The Grey for the last few weeks has brought about loneliness I can’t describe other than to say that no matter what I do I can’t shake the feeling.  I don’t know if it is the realization of mortality or perhaps simply a broken heart still bleeding on the inside. I miss some people being in my life more consistently but there is the need in my heart for someone who truly gets me.

I either did have that for a few months in 2018 or thought I did and I miss it terribly. There is still a hole in my life from a relationship that is now gone and I am still dealing with it.  It’s the same observation that I have had that I long for a relationship that is intimate on a more instinctual emotional level.  But my heart is guarded by attack dogs, a wall of Trust No One and staying distant for fear of being hurt again.

I hate being INFJ where you can read other emotions on people like a book and even have my own emotions mimic theirs.  The only time I know what I am truly feeling is when I am alone and then when I try to express it verbally to others, it comes garbled or not at all because I don’t want to trouble others with my feelings. Only writing them seems to work.

The lonely wanderer is who I am and I both love and hate it. There is a wisdom to it.  There is loneliness I can’t describe to it as well.  I am glad I have a support group, a job coach and a therapist to talk me through things. But at the same time, they can’t fix my problems, I have to do that.

Therapy Reflections:

Of course, some of you are wondering at this point – ‘what about his wife?”  My wife is a wonderful person and I know she loves me and I love her.  It is just with all the changes to me and my outlook on life I am starting to feel trapped again by this marriage.  There is no common core goal for this marriage anymore and that is largely my fault because I am the one that has changed so much.  I like change – life is a journey of constant change and I embrace that and it is hard to live with someone who would rather have stability and security.  Nothin wrong with those things, they just are not me anymore.  They also are not real to me anymore.

This is why even though our relationship is much better as far as friendship and intimacy, it still leaves something to be desired from my perspective.  Once again because of my changed worldview.  My wife and I got married because we were Christians and called into the ministry and everyone told us we would be good ministry partners. We were also secretly personally guilt driven into marriage because we were having sex for months before we were married. In the mindset we were brought up in; once you fuck you better get married or you’re sinning against a holy god. There was no consideration of compatibility or common interest.  It is why some look at us and don’t get it. I at times feel that way too.

That is why in therapy the majority of focuses on what my new identity is now to deal with the loneliness question and a lot of questions on how to make this marriage work despite widely diverging values.  My wife seems content but I know I am restless.  Very restless. I don’t want to get to the point where I hate my life and marriage and all that goes with them again.  But if something doesn’t change soon, that is where I will be.  I know myself much better now and the danger is very real.

Thanks for reading all that if you did.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Bare Skin Health” – Freya’s Chambers – Nudism

/ Ed Raby Sr / 2 Comments

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day!

Discussion:

Disclaimer:  The topics covered in Freya’s Chambers include serious discussions of sex, sexuality and related issues.  If it isn’t your thing; you can move along, otherwise enjoy and feel free to discuss.  Given the nature of some subjects be prepared for nude images as there may be some.  I avoid genitalia as a general rule but is not always possible.  

Introduction: 

I want to make it clear hear that this article is not about research or careful study so much as opinion.  I am not a dermatologist or doctor so this is not a professional article so much as a reaction to what the commonly asserted as health benefits of nudism which not only apply to physical bodily health but psychological health.  I am providing three links that I looked at a part of my own research into this topic mostly because I am a practicing ‘at home’ nudist when no one is around.  I am simply going to take the common top seven things people say are benefits of being nudists from a health standpoint and speak to my own experience.

See the source image

Vitamin D Production:

This is probably more true for those who practice their nudism outdoors. I don’t so this is probably not something I would notice.  The interesting thing as someone who suffers fro minor depression I would probably find this beneficial.  The warning is of course too much a good thing as nude sunbathers can produce too much vitamin D.  For myself I guess I would like to try this at some point which would mean more social nudism which I am not sure I would announce publically.

See the source image

Healthy Skin:

This isn’t about the sun so much as what being clothed all the time does to our skin.  The main thing is that our skin has evolved to breathe and when it can’t it develops issues.  most notably the build-up of toxins in the body that we use our breathing skin to get rid of.  Not to mention the irritation that clothing causes to the skin as anyone can attest to in areas we keep covered all the time. You’re probably needing to scratch it because your clothing has irritated it.

I can speak for myself in this regard since practicing the naked at home thing, the areas of my body that used to have rashes or skin irritation have decreased significantly.  My psoriasis has diminished and I am not scratching as much.

See the source image

Blood Circulation:

This is also called the’ no red marks’ and probably affects women more than men with all their elastic clothing items, particularly bras.  For men, the main area for this is the waistline.  The point is that some blood flow goes through the skin and when this is cut off it can have a negative effect on blood circulation in certain areas.  This why women are encouraged when they get home to lose the bra.  Nudists would probably just say lose the clothes altogether.

For me, I have no read marks about circulation around my waist anymore and probably as a side benefit, my midsection has evened out a bit.  I still have some weight to lose but it isn’t as obvious because my midsection is not trapped upward by mt waistline of my clothes and belt all the time.

Accepting their own bodies as they are is especially beneficial for women and men who today are under constant pressure to... Body Acceptance:

There have been a few actual thoughts on this issue because psychologically speaking poor body image can be a part of “cover-up that part of your body because it is wrong to show it”. The reason is usually ‘sin’ or societal pressure. It has been said people who grow up nudist or people who have been doing it a while develop a much better body image of themselves as they can see what is actually normal, not based on models.  The genitals are not ‘dirty’ to a nudist or naturist, but rather normal parts of the body that have their function. People can be seen in all stages of life and show the body actually changes and it allows one to have a more realistic view of themselves.

I now reject the idea of the naked body being anything more than a naked body.  I have yet to experience social nudity.  I can, however, say that being naked more often and seeing myself in the mirrors more often that way has allowed me more to focus on where my body look unhealthy as a sign to work on my health rather than how my body looks.

See the source image

Self-Esteem:

One of the effects of losing low body image is a boost in self-esteem.  When you realize that people quite literally come on all shapes, sizes, and colors, you begin to realize both your uniqueness and quite frankly your body’s looks matter less as far as impressing people and you focus more on your actions being reasonable and kind. Far more important than how you look.

This whole at-home nudist experience has also made me realize actions are more important than looks.  Looks can be lost changed to be completely different.  What matters I health and how you treat others.  I know being nude while I meditate in the morning has been a revelation of sorts as far as what I really am when you strip everything away including my clothing and you know what?  I am not a bad person just one that struggles with a lot of things. Nudity taught me vulnerability is OK and brings enlightenment.

See the source image

Lower Risk of Infection:

The skin actually processes parts of the defense against infection and clothing actually hinders this process because it interferes with the skin’s ability to sweat to remove toxins and thus process infection. The best way to maximize this process is to not have any of your skin covered with clothes, makeup or anything else.  I have actually had several nudists tell me that they have never had any skin infections or fungus as well. Nor had they ever seen any long term nudist with them. Beginners yes, old hands no.

I don’t know if I can say I observe that I am healthier and suffer from fewer virus effects or anything like that.  I do know that sleeping nude which I have done since I was a kid makes me feel better. I also have to say colds and such don’t last long with me and part of that is even when I am sick, I dump clothing from time to time.

Healthy Nerves and Brain Activity:

Our skin is loaded with nerve endings and clothing shields us from feeling much of them.  Pleasure, pain, wetness, dryness, all kinds of varied experiences are available in the senes of touch and our brain receives all of that as additional information it process and improves working memory in one study of barefoot versus shoes alone.  Image what this would do with the whole body.  Awareness is improved as people are much more aware when they are naked than clothes.  Part of this might be the cultural issue of nudity, but one might theorize that this harkens back to survival instincts when our whole race was naked apes.

I know I am much more aware of my surroundings even while at home in the buff.  I am far more sensitive to changes that affect my sense of touch the most and have discovered certain feelings of touch, particularly involving the movement of air and temperature, which are much more apparent to me. I know my meditation is much more effective when I am naked. The vulnerability of body and mind leads to a greater understanding of both.  I would say it goes a bit toward fighting my depression as well.  My nerve endings across my body are stimulated and that helps me feel better.

See the source image

Conclusion:

If anything my experience with nudism at home has opened my mind up for mote possible discovery of its benefits.  I wanted simply to highlight the benefits to my mind and body at this time. I am of course understandably ready to explore more of this area of my life more and see the one thing I have yet to experience, the benefits of social nudity.

Oh, one more thing. I did indeed write this post in the buff.  I find writing naked at times opens up my senses a little more and makes it a little more fo a pleasant experience.

My two cents.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Links:

https://www.today.com/health/health-benefits-being-naked-how-stripping-down-good-you-t44911

https://www.indiatimes.com/health/healthyliving/top-7-health-benefits-of-being-naked-236343.html#7

https://www.medicaldaily.com/3-benefits-getting-naked-public-taking-your-clothes-boosts-happiness-body-409623

“True Satisfaction” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Journal Entry:

I guess coming off industriousness yesterday that is still a theme running in my head. Most notably, that I need to get a little more aggressive in going after what I want asf ar as goals.  I no longer believe that ‘godliness with contentment is great gain’.  That’s a good saying to keep the masses under control, but it is not true.  Mostly, those that work hard, focus on their goals and go after them that are successful.

Reviewing my goals is the issue this week for A Skald’s Life and thankfully there are fewer of them.  Down to five left and so that means I can focus more time on each one of them. Hopefully, the help I receive now will aid in that as well.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).  (achieved)

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

Goal Achieved

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

Crossing something off my bucket list is easily down with a small significant amount of cash to get a tattoo. A new job would go a long way toward this and that is one of my other goals.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Honestly Pursue, Accept and Speak Truth to All who will Listen.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in the year 2020.

If I stick with my word count for the rest of the year, one book will be finished in all probability by March.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Much fo my counseling and talk about a career is about finding a new identity.  Every time a goal falls off I feel a little love for myself and I know this overall theme of finding identity is wrapped up in a lot of goals for the year.  I may be a wanderer of life, but I need mile markers to tell me I have passed a certain direction with progress.  This is key to loving myself and so goals are a necessary and important tool.

Morning Routine:

  1. Stretching / Yoga
  2. Shower, Personal Hygiene, Breakfast, Morning Meds.
  3. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  4. Meditation – 5 min.
  5. Check Communications and Email.
  6. Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

I need to get back to his more consistently.  It seems like my discipline these days waxes and wains and that is symptomatic of The Grey.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Rogue Wizard Delay and Other Notes” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and the Wayfarer – Part 23

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sols’ Day!

Rogue Wizard Delay:

No, it is not an accident there is a delay in the next chapter of Rogue Wizard and this is a The Grey and The Wayfarer post for The Rabyd Skald.  It’s connected to the fact that the more I think about writing this next chapter, the more the Grey seems to hit me.  It seems to be one of those moments where I have a choice about facing the Grey and walking through it – it needs to be done.  But when I do this is up to me.

Writing is therapy for me, as many of you know.  Sometimes it is unpleasant and has to be done. Other times it flows.  I this case I know what I want to do and what should be done and they are the same. The problem is the process of writing is going to be an emotional roller coaster. So I am having trouble,  but I will have it done by next week but not this week. Apologies.

Support Group:

My support group is working out very well. I mean it is great to have fellow former clergy to talk to who are also non-believers in anything.  It makes everyone relatable and a lot of them have been through the process and at a later age than me so they help out a lot in keeping my feet on the ground and standing.

My Therapist: 

My therapist and I have had two sessions.  Doing it on Skype allows me to see her and she can see me so it gives me a genuine reactions both ways.  She is a good listener and hasn’t been judgmental at all.  Mostly though she has listened to me and thinks that next session we can start working on a plan.  The main two issues I deal with on this level are my change of identity and my marriage.

Job Coach: 

Through The Clergy Project, I also have job help for my career change.  I decided that even though I could use a new job soon to go more organic and find what fits me as well.  I don’t want to be doing a job I hate just to pay the bills anymore. So what do I enjoy and can make money at the same time is a journey of discovery and my job coach is taking me on and she is really thinking January or February which still is within my goal of having this done by March.

Reading List:

I was reminded by my wife that there are many books on my shelf that I have not read and should read them. So new books only when needed to keep the pattern of a non-fiction book; then a fiction book.  I haven’t been doing well on this yet, but I have started. Mostly though it is going to be a process of going through my library and pulling out things I haven’t read and putting them together to work through the rest of this year and next.

Writing Books:

I have come to the conclusion that I need to do my book writing like I do this blog.  I need about 3-5 projects at once and rotate them so boredom does not set in. Basically, I have three non-fiction books and two fiction in the hopper now.  I try to make progress on one or more every day.  It is the word count that matters.

Final Word:

Thanks for everyone’s patience.  My emotions tend to dominate my writing more than other things in my life. I have been able to be consistent on this blog, but other things need consistency too. Thanks for reading.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!