Author: Ed Raby Sr

“Meditations – Side Identities” – The Rabyd Skald

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

A side identity is what a person is known for in certain particular contexts.  They are things that identify who you are but they are not the primary thing you are known for or the secondary one.  To me, they make up a part of who you are but do not encompass who you are.  My side identities are important parts of who I am but they are only who I am part of the time. Some of them are however known and are what is known about me.

Along with this are some that I want to have as side identities but I am still working on them. Things that will help with living my life better as a human being and supplement the primary and secondary things I am.

Weightlifter:

I think I have this side identity already.  I lift at the gym a lot and I have received compliments both at work and at the gym about how much I lift and how I look the part.  For me, this is in part about health and of course, a lot of nutritional elements go along with this.   I am a Paleo nutrition follower but that is the part of weightlifting and the healthy living that goes along with it.

Hiker:

I do want to do more hiking and more walking.  This is something I want to be a long term activity, but you know you have arrived at an identity people have of you when they start asking you advice about it.  I get that with weightlifting, but not hiking, Yet. I have a lot to learn and a lot to do here before this is a true side identity.

Reader/Scholar:

I guess in part I have some expertise that people like to ask about here.  I have read a lot and still read some.  My decision to be a writer primarily comes with an understanding that a required side identity is being a reader. I don’t probably read as much as I should and that needs to change.  That said, I have read enough that friends come to me and ask about stuff I know.

Pagan:

While I am a pagan in the sense I follow their virtues, I doubt very much people consider me a pagan yet.  I want to embrace this a little more fully as part of my cultural identity and an embracing of my cultural heritage. I suppose there is also an element of telling my former Christian identity to kiss my ass. But mostly it is about getting in touch with my past to give me spiritual strength.

There are a couple of others I am considering.  My daughter and I had a recent conversation about coffee. She wants to learn latte art, but my interest is the coffee itself.  I have never been one to drink the stuff but Paleo allows for coffee. It would be nice to find some form of coffee that my palate would actually like and doesn’t have any sugar in it.  It would be an interesting challenge to be a ‘coffee enthusiast’ because I have never really enjoyed a coffee before, but I am still meditating on it. I can see an image of me the reader sitting in my reading chair with a cup of good joe by my side so it is possible.

I am figuring some others will crop up as interests that complement other things. Almost all things are subject to the time you are inspired to give them and willing to sacrifice.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“A New Pattern?” – Odin’s Eye

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Thor’s Day.    

Discussion:

When I started this blog, I intended Odin’s Eye to be about my spiritual journey.  Probably more about my change in spiritual viewpoint or vision.  The pattern I established was pretty straightforward at the time although I established it a month or two after I started:

Deism, Bible Problems, Humanism, Christianity Problems, Paganism, Religion Problems, The Wayfarer’s Spiritual Side, My Theological Objections to Christianity Revisited.

I also established that on every pagan holiday, I would stop and comment that week on it.  That has been a fun journey in and of itself.  But it is also about to come full circle with the closing of the first year of this blog on September 30th.  Fall begins on September 22 and the pagan holiday is Mabon or for Vikings – Haustblót.  After that, the cycle starts again on October 1st.  I intend to continue to talk about pagan holidays but I want to get as truly Viking as I can the second time around.

Outside this though, I have had a pretty good debate running with myself about changing the pattern of the posts for Odin’s Eye.  Most notably do I want to go through the whole Chrisitntity issues again?  I am thinking of saving all that for a book or two, so what really is the purpose of Odin’s Eye? Well, it is about spirituality and my spiritual journey. At the same time, it is a place to pose spiritual questions to myself and perhaps you the gentle reader.  I guess the main thing is to stop talking about the spiritual past and embrace the spiritual present and look to the spiritual future.

My first step in revising the pattern was to eliminate the negative in a lot of ways and also to get rid post types that go over old ground.   This leaves:

Deism, Humanism, Paganism, The Wayfarer’s Spiritual Side

The more I thought about it though, the whole deism and humanism questions are pretty settled for me and boil down to two fundamental truths. 1) I hold the possibility of divine power or powers, and 2) I believe that to solve human problems, humans are going to have to do it themselves.  The powers might help or might not, better to be self-reliant first.  I am not sure I really need to discuss these anymore with myself.  I side very much with enlightenment thinking for my rational and more practical side. But eliminating these two posts leaves me with only two:

Paganism, The Wayfarer’s Spiritual Side

I don’t think that is sufficient enough of a rotation to keep me off my soapboxes.

It is really the whole Asatru and Pagan side I struggle with more. Getting a grip on the wisdom and intuition side of things that involve is the struggle now.  It is the nature of this struggle I would rather talk about now.

If I go the spirituality and paganism route the list of topics changes dramatically and gets quite long actually.  The thing is that some of my other post types handle a lot of this but what lies outside on the fringe where Odin’s Eye can help me come to a better understanding of these issues. I began to realize after while this topic is so big, and for me largely unexplored, there is really no way to establish a pattern.

So I am going to do something uncharacteristic for me.  Be open each week to any topic with only the boundary of it has to be something spiritual that is not necessarily covered by other things I do on the blog. I short these topics are going to come more from my times of meditations than a rational pattern that I simply follow.  I am opening myself up once a week to letting the topic be spiritual in nature and not chosen so much as it becomes an interest through meditation.

I am going to remove one filter for the Eye and replace it with another. Religion needs to go as it is negative in a sense, filtering out the religious aspects of things was a part of looking through the eye.  I no longer seek to do that, but discover the fuller spiritual truth of something.  I am going to replace religion with meditation.

Time to Look Through the Eye:

“To see the truth, change one eye for another”

Faith:

When I put any subject through the filter of faith, what I am asking at that point is what I believe about that subject?  The introduction tells people what I know about a particular subject, but faith is an exploration of what I believe about it. The idea is to set up where I am, then the other three filters follow which will possibly change that belief.

Meditation:

Meditation is the first filter.  It is calming my mind and opening up to what the powers, universe, whatever might inspire me to think about that topic.  Words, questions, thoughts, etc. that come from my times of meditation on the subject.  Then asking how these affect my beliefs about it.  It going to require me to keep my paper journal handy during every meditation session, but I think it will be worth it.

Theology:

Once I get to this question it is more about how this topic influences my understanding of the divine. Simple but a necessary question for me as someone who still practices theology. For me, the delving into the spiritual side of things is motivated in part by theology and understanding the divine.

Spirituality:

This is putting everything in a context filter.  How is my overall understanding of spirituality affected by this now?  Have my beliefs about this subject changed due ot putting it through my spiritual filters? What is my overall spiritual viewpoint now?  It is the bringing it altogether filter.

Conclusion:

I, of course, will have some concluding remarks about each subject and I might pose a few questions for you the gentle readers that might have a greater understanding of certain subjects I am struggling with. A good post wrapup will be what I am looking for here.

I am hoping these changes will be effective in helping all of us understand the spiritual side of life better.  Of Wolves and Ravens is about philosophy, but Odin’s Eye is about Spirituality and as such needs to have more spiritual methods of finding what to talk about.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Behind Enemy Lines” – Rogue Wizard – The Fire of Fury – Part 11

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Woden’s (Odin) Day

Rogue Wizard’s Journal: June 12, 2019

Wow, it has been a while since I have written in this journal.  Mostly because it has been boring as shit. Sure there was an initial buzz after the Red Grove Tree was finally laid to rest in flames, but then the reports became dull.  The fairie folk as predicted stopped fighting so hard for the salient that was trying to fight for the tree.  The wizards for their part advanced into the grove only to find the tree burning in magical fire.  It burned up quickly and a day later there was truly nothing left.

As far as the war went, the fae pulled back to a line they could defend better with fewer casualties.  The wizards saw this and now that there was no strategic objective in the area, they sent many of their forces elsewhere. The line stabilized and then most of the fighting stopped in this area.

Lunette and I moved fully the House Venus Mansion.  Lunette took the room next to mine, but mostly she just slept there.  The rest of the time she was with me talking (yes, talking) or she would turn invisible, shrink down and fly out and do some recon work.  For my part, I visited the Lioness when she was at the mansion or talked with Amber.  I was keeping a very close eye on what was going on and my ‘allies’.  I wasn’t going to be caught again unprepared.

Lunette’s recon trips brought back the information about how the lines had stabilized in the area. I also had committed a high crime in the faerie world, so there was a bounty on my head with them now.  A rather large one.  So I was behind enemy lines no matter where I was now. The search for me had all but disappeared because the mages had larger problems elsewhere.

I have spent the last few months doing one of the following. Reading and studying magical tomes and doing magical research.  Talking with Lunette and Amber about the situation. Finishing up my political science degree.  I received it in late May. Keeping up family appearances by visiting them once a week and calling them.  They call me more than I call them.

Lunette didn’t just do recon trips all the time.  She did set up a small alchemy station in my room. She did her own reading and research.  She seems a little happier now.  That kiss was the start of that but we haven’t done anything but hold hands since. She respects my mourning period for my wife and hasn’t pushed it.  She seems very much interested in building our trust level.

Two days ago would have been my wife and I’s 30th anniversary. May 1st was the end of the six months, but I decided that it might be more appropriate for me to end this period of mourning on our anniversary itself.  So two days ago. I opened a small chest that I have with stuff in it that reminds me of her. A few pictures of us, some jewelry, a negligee she used to wear.  I laid it all out on the table in front of me.  Tears were easy on this one.

I took off my wedding band and laid it in the negligee. I folded it around the band and then placed it back in the chest, I put the pictures and other jewelry on top, and closed the lid. I cast a protection spell on the chest.  Only I or my immediate family could open it now.  I set the chest near my reading chair. I cried myself to sleep that night and when I woke up I felt better.  I felt at peace about the whole thing, my wife finally laid to rest in my heart.

Last night, Lunette was with me and she looked nervous. I asked her what was up and she said she wanted to respect that even though she knew I had laid my wife to rest, at last, she didn’t want to push our relationship.  I asked her what kind of relationship she thought we could have and what kind of relationship did she want with me?

“I think I love you, Edward.  For the first time, my lecherous pixie heart loves someone and I think it is you.”

“Love? I don’t know Lunette, is that even possible for your kind?  Fidelity, particular sexual fidelity doesn’t seem to be your strong suit.”

“Would you demand sexual fidelity out of me?  Do you still hold that morality?”

“Honestly, no.  Fidelity has not much to do with sex if you ask me. It is far more important to be there for someone when they need you.  To be in their corner even when they disappoint you.  That’s real fidelity. Sex is a wonderful experience to be sure, but it is also just sex.  I don’t want to sound like I am diminishing its importance, but fidelity is measured more when the chips are down and you need someone to watch your back, not on where you stick your dick or who you spread your legs too.  I don’t think it is right to say you have some exclusive ownership to someone else’s sexuality, sounds kind of like a miniature form of slavery if you ask me now.”

“You maintained it with your wife, even after death.”

“Yes, but those were the vows I took, so I tried my level best to keep them.  I never slept with any other females but you, Elpis and her.  I loved Miss Salty too, but I never had sex with her although I can’t say the relationship didn’t have sexual elements to it, it certainly did. I came back to my wife so the vows we took were back in force.  That said my dear, you might say I have come, in part, to the more fairy way of thinking about the subject of sex now. I am simply not a one-night stand kind of guy. I have to feel I have a relationship with a woman that is loving for me to make love to her. There is still a spiritual side to it to me, a magical side if you will, and it’s not just a physical humping in the dark thing to me.”

Lunette smiled and nodded.

“Edward, I know I have tricked you a couple times, do you trust me?”

“Hmm.  I don’t know. You are a deceitful little spy these days.  Good at it too.  On what basis could you and I trust one another.  I don’t know what side you are on right now.  Like me, you are wanted by both sides.”

“There are three sides to this one Edward.  There is also the side of peace and coexistence.  Not just between fae and mage, but also with mundanes. ”

“You think the mundanes will be comfortable with creatures walking around that can kill them with a thought or spell or that are from their deepest nightmares?”

“No, not at first, but magic can be awakened in everyone. If that is so then, the idea of mundanes might be gone in time as well.”

She had a point, it was my turn to nod because this had been my working theory since high school.

“But to answer your question I am on the side of the survivors. I want you and me to survive.  But if you need more proof of my loyalty to you: I swear by the memory of my mother and father and the Red Tree Grove, that I will guard and protect you Edward and I will be a supporter of you through all of your remaining life – My troth upon it.”

I sat in silence for a minute or two.

“Hmm, sounds like an oath.  I guess I will say the same to you as it is only fair. My troth upon it.”

We sat and talked for a little while longer. Basically making sure we were on the same page and then both of us turned in for bed.  Well, I thought that is what Lunette was doing. I was down to my underwear when a knock came at the door.

“Edward, it’s me again”

I threw my t-shirt back on and told her to come in. She was wearing a purple robe that was tied and went down to her mid-thigh.

“Edward isn’t it customary to seal oaths in some way?”

“Yes.”

Lunette pulled her robe back and let it fall to the floor, revealing her naked body.

“Once, a long time ago, I offered myself to you like this.  You turned me down and told me to go home.  I thought afterward that you were a strong man to do such a thing. Now, I offer myself to you again.  Not as a star-struck teenage girl, but as a woman. A woman in love with you. A woman who wants to give her strength to you, and receive it in return.”

I stood dumb for a second.  I remembered what she was talking about.  I wasn’t ready for sex at the time so I turned her down.  But now…

“Lunette, we were lovers once.  It was about healing back then and lust, to be honest. But now, if you truly love me.  Do what your heart says for you to do. I will do the same.”

This morning I have awoken to find myself lying next to a beautiful faerie woman.  I can see her naked form laying sideways on the bed as she sleeps from my desk.  Her wings are behind her and folded so I can’t see them.  She is a vision of beauty and glowing in her own way. I feel the love I had for her once awakening in me again. Dormant but never gone. That’s just the way I am.

I don’t know what the future will bring,  But, I know that Lunette will be back to back with me in the end.  I can only hope we will remain survivors.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Meditations – Secondary Identity: ?” – The Rabyd Skald

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Woden’s (Odin) Day!

I am becoming very certain that my primary identity being a writer is solid the more I think about it.  Now the question of secondary identity or identities begins to present itself. It is a big question mark but it is made clearer by the simple fact I now can see it is something I do to make money and live not as my primary thing.

That, however, does not tell me what it should be but perhaps what I need to be is open to the possibilities instead of looking for certainty. Perhaps there is still this need to be meditatively open to what lies ahead and let things run their course as far as what I should be open to being seeing that this issue is not what compliments my writer career not the other way around.  It means that certain things need to be in place.

  1. I need time to write so the job I get must be not so time-consuming that I can’t write every day.
  2. I need something that pays well so I am not eating beans and rice if writing does not go well. I have lived too long to not have plans B, C to the end of the alphabet.
  3. It should be something that compliments writing if possible.

I don’t really want to write things down at this point as even possibilities. I don’t even want to brainstorm because I want to find this out by being open and meditating on it.

Now, I want to be clear that I will still be applying for jobs that I qualify for.  The issue at this point is not trying to direct this thing and be open to whatever does present itself. That said being proactive means looking for job opportunities and applying for them. But this might open my horizons as to applying for more things I might not have thought of as possibilities.  The issue now is to be open and available to any idea that will meet my criteria.

All that said, I still am meditating on Identity because Primary and Secondary aside, everything comes together in overall identity.  I am one me.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Stoics and Epicureans” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Western Philosophy

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Discussion

In Hellenistic Western philosophy, there is also a form a dualism that is a creation of two schools of thought – Stoicism, and Epicureanism. Breaking them both down:

Stoicism:  Nature is rational; man cannot escape the forces of nature but can uniquely follow its laws; A life lived this way leads to virtue; Wisdom is the core of virtue from which spring the cardinal virtues; Passion is irrational and thus strong feelings should be avoided; pleasure is not good or evil and only acceptable if it does not interfere with one’s quest for rational virtue; Poverty, illness, and death are not evil; Duty is the motivation for pursuit of virtue.

Source: https://www.thoughtco.com/stoics-and-moral-philosophy-4068536

Epicureanism: This is a little more complicated.  One person, I read listed eight epicurean councils: 1) Don’t fear God.2) Don’t worry about death. 3) Don’t fear pain. 4) Live simply. 5) Pursue pleasure wisely. 6) Make friends and be a good friend. 7) Be honest in your business and private life. 8) Avoid fame and political ambition. He also listed ten values of which the first five deal with ourselves and the second five deal; with our relationships to others: Prudence, Self-management, Self-sufficiency, Serenity, Simplicity, Friendliness, Honesty, Generosity, Cheerfulness, Gentle-ness

Source: https://churchofepicurus.wordpress.com/basic-principles-for-the-modern-epicurean/

I suppose the main difference I see is the fact that Stoicism is pretty straightforward, but Epicureanism seems to be a little more freeform – ‘chaotic’ if you will. It would explain while on one site about Epicureanism there was a list of 40 tenents.  The difference between the two basically comes down to the goal of Stoicism being happy through overcoming and enduring hardship, wherein Epicureanism happiness is found in training one’s desires.  I can see one major difference in that Stoics accepted the fate of circumstances and tried to be wise by enduring it where Epicureanism seems more at odds with the idea of fate. Some things can be avoided if one trains one’s desires. Both sides had the basic same goal – wisdom.  To be a person content with themselves.

Source: https://academyofideas.com/2014/03/stoicism-vs-epicureanism/

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

The fact there is a debate in Western philosophy probably indicates the need for moral philosophy. How one conducts ones’ self toward self and others is has a great bearing on what we need.  Needs are real and both schools acknowledge this. One side, however, seeks to endure while the other side seeks to live in such a way that they are dealt with beforehand.

For myself, it seems that need is more of a looking at life and seeing what is needed for survival.  This breaks down into obvious needs and personal needs.  Food, water and shelter from the elements when needed. Stoics would endure a lack of these needs while Epicureans would seek to avoid the lack in the first place. Other needs are more specific to the individual.  I think what I find is that I mix this whole debate in a blender and come out with something that is a mix between the two when it comes to needs.

Wants (Freki):

Passion and desire resulting from it, Stoics would decry, I would say that without passion there is little motivation to pursue much of anything, including virtue. I balance things, which is more in line with Eastern Philosophy.  We are all self-motivated which stems both from rational need and passionate desire.

Reason (Huginn):

From a rational point of view, it is reasonable to look at any philosophy and eat the meat and spit out the bones.  I can see from the Stoics that virtue is a good thing and agree with that, I, however, reject the notion of fate as it leads to a lot of evil in my opinion.  I can see the Epicurean point of working to avoid evils like poverty and illness, but I can see the Stoic point of sometimes endurance is needed.

Wisdom (Muninn):

I see wisdom in both philosophies, but their means are different in achieving the state of self-contentment or being the sage as they would call it.  I see the best example of my own blending of the two is the fact that the Nine Noble Virtues seems to borrow from both but each virtue might be seen as a blending of both schools of thought.

Courage, Discipline, Perseverance, Indstriousnesss are more Stoic; Truth, Self-Reliance, Hospitality, and Fidelity more Epicurean.  Both in their own way strive for Honor. Some of my other underlying philosophies borrow from both.  Minimalism is Stoic, lIbertarianism more Epicurean but both have elements of both.

Conclusion:

I guess it all reflects that I am kind of eclectic when it comes to philosophy.  That said My philosophy of “Feeding the Wolves but Listening to the Ravens first” has remained constant now for almost a year and I find many philosophies simply get too focused on my way of thinkingto me on a small group of ideas. There is more to life than reason or getting what you want, but together, the many dualisms of my philosophy come together and form something very coherent to me at least.  I borrow from many viewpoints to get a fuller view of the world and how to live life.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Spacer” – Space Tramp – Chapter 2 – (Megatraveller Fan Fiction)

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Story:

Jeremiah anxiously waited to get the results of his 4th Officer Exam.  He had completed the necessary year contract classified as Route Assignment.  He had taken the test on the work station and now it was simply a matter of waiting to get the results.  If some of the test hadn’t been an essay, it could have been automatically graded, but it had essays so it required someone to look at it.  He couldn’t believe how far he had come both literally and figuratively in this last year.

It seemed now like an eternity ago that he stepped into the Starport of his homeworld Strouden looking to get off-world.  He headed to the starport employment agency and began to look at his options.  The opportunities were many from Megacorp service to the Free Traders. He already decided that Free Trader was the way for him to go for a couple reasons – everything else required a better education for a better chance and the Free Traders only required one-year contracts while all the line types required four. He wanted to keep his options open. He signed up for Free Trader Service and after a battery of testing both physical and mental, he was accepted into the Free Traders.  He was given his Free Trader ID Card and then placed on the list of prospective Trainee candidates.

He didn’t have long to wait as several captains extended him offers.  His strength scores attracting the freighter class captains for his potential offloading ability.  He was also a qualified Grav Vehicle driver.  But what caught his interest was a Captain who was more attracted to his intelligence as she offered to make him a true Spacer if he joined her ship. When he messaged her back to ask what she meant, she replied: “How would you like to be a Pilot?”  He signed a one year contract for a Route Assignment with her.

Free Trader Captain Mandy Juros was in her late 40s and she was the owner/captain of the Far Trader – The Regina Strider.  A Far Trader is a little different than the standard Free Trader as it exchanged the ability to do a two-parsec hyperspace jump for some cargo space. Strouden was isolated by space geography as there was only one nearby system within one parsec and it has an E class starport – that is a foundation of rock to land on and that was it.  You refueled at the systems gas giant.  A Standard Free Trader ship had to jump there and then to the next world which meant two months of time. The Regina Strider could do a two-parsec jump so it has a choice of seven different worlds to jump to but the only one was interesting as it put them on the route the captain wanted – Sharrip. She wanted to follow a route she had done before from Strouden to Regina.

Jeremiah, having never been off-world was excited but soon found himself too busy to enjoy all the sights of his first space voyage. The first thing he learned was the standard month of a spacer’s life on an active starship.  There is a one-week planetside where the ship is refueled, sells and then takes on cargo and passengers.  It takes one week on average to get to the jump point.  Once in hyperspace, the ship is there for a week and once out it; it requires as week usually to travel to the next starport.  Once landed the cycle repeats.  Jeremiah found himself loading cargo almost right away using his grav-vehicle license and muscles.  Once they were loaded, Captain Juros piloted the Ship to the jump point. In that week she sat him down at the controls and began to teach him.

Over the next months, they jumped to Sharrip, then Resten, then Quiru.  All of these worlds were low population but had good starports that provided a means for trade and travelers. When he wasn’t loading or unloading cargo, he was in his room learning to engineer or on the bridge using the simulator programs to sharpen his pilot skills.  The fourth jump, he was the one who ran the jump program and they arrived at Garrincski.  He piloted the starship to the starbase and did the landing. That next week, while at Starport, he took the Pilot’s exam and then the word ‘Starship Pilot’ appeared on his ID Card.

Captain Juros was at a loss because her contract with Jeremiah said that part of his pay would be teaching him Spacer skills in exchange for his services.  He had mastered being a Starship Pilot far sooner than expected and so she asked him what he wanted to learn next.

Jeremiah always had a view of the long term.  Up to now, he has been an orphan and not really all that important.  He knew the better jobs in the Free Traders went to officers. He had his route assignment so he knew at that point the 4th Officer test would be available to him at the end of it.  But he also knew that he could at the end of the second year, if he passed the commission test, he could take the 3rd Officer test, but that required Engineering skills. So he asked her to teach him Engineering.  She agreed.

The rest of the assignment was uneventful other than slowly but surely moved their way to Regina.  One month before they arrived, he took his Engineering Skills exam and passed.  Now His ID card also said: “Starship Engineer”,  Captian Juros shook her head.  It was a rare thing for a Spacer to basically get the two most desirable qualifications in a single year, but Jeremiah had done it.  He smiled and shrugged. One jump later they landed on the Sector Capital of Regina. He scheduled himself for his 4th Officer commission test at the Free Trader Association building.

The skill part of the test was a Vacc Suit familiarity test which he passed.  He had to don the Vacc Suit to do some repairs to the power plant that required him to do a spacewalk once so he was practically familiar with its operations.  Over the last year, he had simply had gotten familiar with Vacuum Suits by default. Then was the battery of tests on starship procedures and basic Imperial laws on Interstellar trade and travel. The Essays had been more about “Here is situation X, what do you do?”

“Jeremiah Kilwood”

The voice broke him from his musings.  He stood up from his chair in the mostly empty waiting room and headed to the counter.  Behind it was the woman who had said his name.  She was young like him with a cute face and nice curves.  Her brown hair and eyes accented her overall beauty really well.  As he approached she smiled at him.

“You Jeremiah Kilwood?”

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“Congratulations, you passed.  Let me be the first to call you 4th Officer Kilwood. Your new ID card.”

She handed him the new ID which had at the top: ‘Free Trader 4th Officer Jeremiah Kilwood’ Then his skill certifications were listed underneath. He beamed a huge smile.  He was no longer just a deckhand.  He was a Merchant Officer. More importantly with this first year done – he was a spacer.

“Oh, Officer Kilwood?”

“Yes.”

“My name is Kimberly Forrest.  If you have any questions, you can ask me.”

“This might be improper, but when do you get off work?”

She smiled and blushed slightly.

“It’s Ok, in about fifteen minutes.”

“I want to go celebrate, but I don’t have anyone to drink with me.  You game?”

“Ok, see you in a bit.”

Jeremiah sat back down in the waiting area and looked at his New ID.  He felt for the first time he was someone. Not just a nameless face in the crowd. Who knew, maybe someday instead of 4th Officer, it might read Captain.  But that was the far future. Right now there was a commission to celebrate and a girl to get to know.

Megatraveler Notes:

Start fo the year:

Jeremiah Kilwood

UPP: A67A74   Age: 18  Homeworld: Strouden UWP: A-745988-D N Hi In

Skills: Grav Vehicle – 0, Computer – 0, Handgun – 0 

Year One:

Rolls to Enlist in Merchant Service – Free Trader: Needs 7+: modifiers +1 for Strength and +2 for Intelligence.  Dice Roll: 8 + 3 = 11. Success. 

Position Availability: 8+ needed +1 for intelligence. roll: 9 + 1 = 10 Success

Assignment: roll: 5 – Route Assignment. Survival: Need 3+; roll: 7, Skills: Need 7+: roll: 8 success. Bonus: Need 11+ roll: 7 no bonus. Commission Exam: Need 6+ roll: 6 Commissioned as 4th Officer. 2 Skill rolls: Year and Commission.  Adds default skill Vacc Suit – 0 because of Merchant Service. Rolls on Free Trader Business (corrected) table: 5 – Exploratory Cascade Table – Picks: Pilot – 1, Rolls on Free Trader Business table again: 2 – Space Cascade table – Picks: Engineering – 1.

The commission earns Jeremiah his first Brownie Point.  These can be used to modify die rolls by one for each brownie point. 

Megatraveller Character Shorthand

Free Trader 4th Officer Jeremiah Kilwood

UPP: A67A74   Age: 19  Homeworld: Strouden UWP: A-745988-D N Hi In

Skills: Pilot – 1, Engineering – 1, Grav Vehicle – 0, Computer – 0, Handgun – 0, Vacc Suit – 0

Brownie Points: 1 

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Meditations – Primary Identity: Writer” – The Rabyd Skald

/ Ed Raby Sr / 2 Comments

Happy Mani’s Day

In the Last Rabyd Skald, I basically stated that I needed to probably do some meditations on who I am.  It is a question I have not been avoiding but struggling with since my departure from my former role as minister and Christian.  I would say the Chrisitan part being replaced by “Deistic Humanistic Pagan” has been pretty solid and that identity has not been hard to grab ahold of so much as the implications of that change are still something I am coming to terms with on a daily basis.  The real problem is my role as minister being replaced by what?

For a while, I have had this idea of being a business person of some sort and being a writer on the side.  It is a practical choice because money is a real thing that you need to live life. I also have to deal with the fact the ministry has left me broke and without any retirement to speak of, so there is a need to make some money to make up for that. But that is a rational decision and to be blunt only listens to one of my ravens – Reason.  What about Wisdom? It also brings up the question of will my wolves be satisfied with such a role? Will I truly be getting what I need or want?

So my meditations have turned inward.  What is the call of my heart and what is the course that is wisest as far as encompassing my whole being?

I have to give a shout out to a fellow blogger from the other side of the world (the internet is an amazing place isn’t it) who on my last post on this issue wrote that perhaps I should simply ask the universe and wait to see what happens. You can check her out at Myst Nokomis.  I know I have found her observations interesting and at times inspiring. She is actually a blogger that I read regularly.

My conception of what she said in my mind is a little different but I get what she means and so I said to myself.  “Perhaps it is time to just silence myself in meditation and listen.”

Oddly enough the first thought that struck me is one word “Writer”.  Now the trick to being open in meditation is not to recoil at the thoughts that come to mind.  I have often said I am a writer but I have always placed it secondary to what other things I am pursuing.  The thought I had in that meditation session was that perhaps I have this backward.  That ultimately I am a writer first and something else second to pay the bills.  That what I should be focusing on is my writing and then focussing on an occupation that is complementary to that. Something that harmonizes with being a writer, not making my writing harmonize with something else.  Writing becoming the melody of my life and what other things I do becoming harmony to use a musical analogy.

I think I might be on to something as this feeds my wolves and it seems a wiser course of action.  It still has rationality to it, because if end up doing something I hate, I will not make progress in it. Writing has always been a love and something I do to express myself fully.  People who meet me personally, never get the full story as I pull back into myself.  I have trust issues born from painful experiences.  When I write, that inhibition leaves. Like all INFJs it is my artistic/non-verbal way of expressing myself that is true.

The main issue then is to be about the business of being a writer and that involves a few things but most notably setting aside times to write above and beyond the blogging that are substantial  Like at least an hour or two a day. I guess what I should start to get in my mind is writing on this blog is kind of my writing warm-up.  Then its time to be working on some projects for publication.

I have long mentioned I am a big fan of the science fiction author Robert A. Heinlein.  In the book Grumbles from the Grave, a letter where he answered the question of why he wrote is preserved.  His three-fold answer was:

  1. Make Money
  2. Entertain Readers
  3. Make People Think

As I have meditated on this over the years in think he had the right of it.  The first priority of a writer is how to support himself and his family by writing, the other two are means to that because if no one likes what you write then they won’t buy it.  If they buy what you write you won’t really be impactful unless you throw something in that makes people think, it leads to long-term success.  This is the right priority, any other way is just high minded idealism that won’t amount to much in all three categories.

This change will require more meditation, but I think I am on the right path, it certain resonates with my wolves and ravens philosophy; better than some career, then a writing career as secondary.  I think this needs to be switched and then I can look at my identity from the proper perspective.

Just a blog note to end things: there will be a post later today for my serial: Space Tramp, but I might be doing these meditation posts in place of journal posts this week.  My identity has become an important issue and I want to make sure I get this right.  So you might see two posts today, Odin’s Day and Frigg and Freya’s Day.  One a post like this at 10 am and the other some fiction writing at 4 pm. At least for this week.  

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Idunn – The Renewer” (Asatru – Part 8) – The Pagan Pulpit

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sol’s Day

Announcements:

We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods, goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.

We also don’t take an offering here.  We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it.  Let’s be honest, offerings are not given to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it.  Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never sees a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.

Theme Song: “Idunn” – Trobar de Morte

Meditation:

Image may contain: text

You either understand or you don’t.

Text:

See the source image

If you want more details about Asatru, I can’t recommend this book enough.

Sermon: “Idunn – The Renewer”

I know people might have been expecting Frigg, but  Idunn is the goddess of spring, renewal, and youth. She is the wife of Bragi – the poet of the gods. I place her prominently because, to the followers of Asatru, she has become the patron goddess in many ways of the renewal aspects of Asatru. She is the one who is the most instrumental in the rediscovery and renewal of the old ways and making them new again.

In mythology, she figures prominently as the keeper of the golden apples of youth.  When a god or goddess began to fade and begin to look old, they would come to her and take an apple and eat it.  Their youth would then be restored.  In the one-story where she figures prominently, she is the object of the giant’s desire, and she is captured by them thanks to Loki.  Loki then is charged with rescuing her and he does.  She is the wife of Bragi – the poet of the gods.

I like this version of not only renewal but the view of the gods.  Even their immortality has a requirement from the universe for it to exist. It is not simply just there but requires renewal and that is the job of Idunn to grow the apples of youth and provide them when needed.

Rebirth and renewal and pretty universal pagan concepts.  They appear in almost every mythology and are always considered in some ways vulnerable. That said, they are vulnerable not because they can be destroyed, but because they have requirements or locations which can be controlled by multiple people or things.

As spiritual concepts, renewal and rebirth are good ones. I know of no practitioner of paganism that at one point or another didn’t realize their need for a renewal of spirit or a rebirth moment from time to time. Stagnation and death are forces in this world and to avoid them requires renewal and rebirth.

To the Asatru movement, Idunn is a patron goddess who is thanked for her efforts in helping the Asatru being reborn and being given new life.  To many, she symbolizes the rebirth of Neo-Paganism.  In a sense, Asatru has been allowed to take a bite of the golden apples and be renewed after a long absence.

For me personally, the image and story remind me of several lessons:

1) I am engaged in a bit of a rebirth process for myself right now and as a 50-year-old man, it is a hard process.  But rebirth and renewal are absolutely necessary if life is to continue.  Change is a necessary part of life.

2) That what is precious should not only be honored but guarded.  I look at the Asatru Movement and think also that while renewing and growing, it needs some sort of way to preserve it.  The old ways were lost once before and perhaps finding a way to preserve this way of life against that possibility again is a good idea.

3) It also has to be concluded that in renewal, new things will be needed.  There is simply too much lost, so the gaps will have to be filled with new ideas and concepts. New ways of doing things coupled with what we know of the old. Rebirth and renewal have that aspect as well.

Hail Idunn!!!

Parting Thought:

Image may contain: one or more people, beard, text and closeup

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Taking A Few Deep Breaths” – The Rabyd Skald

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day

These last two weeks have been interesting and challenging. I was in the doctor’s office on Thursday and as always a little anxious. I was there for my routine checkup and consultation. But as I waited I did some thinking.  I have had the following experiences this last couple of weeks.

  1. I have had more denials from potential employers in the last ten days than in a couple months previously.  It’s like all the applications I filed came back with nulls.
  2. At my current employer, I was passed over for a job and it was given to someone with no experience whatsoever.
  3. I have had another bout with The Grey and while it was not severe. The cause was known, however.
  4. I have had a doctor’s appointment and while a lot of the news was good, there was some news that reminded me I am getting older.   And that sucks by the way.
  5. The End of August marks one year that my wife and I have been back together after our separation last summer and that has lead to some very reflective moments about my marriage.

This post is about taking a few deep breaths and looking at each of these a little reflectively and spiritually.

Deep Breath. 

I guess I have to say the whole job situation has caused me to look at the basic fact that I have not really discovered what my new identity is. It is in-process both practically and spiritually and so there is that.  Mostly though the practical concerns will start to become forefront issues in the next couple of months I don’t find something better. For now, though my meditations center on who am I?

Deep Breath.

The decision at work at first angered me and then I just felt disrespected. It was like really, could have slapped all of us from the department any harder, especially those of us that work hard over here and have management experience?  Then I took a breath, realized that this is not my place, I am in my heart looking to move on to something better, so I might as well get about it.

Deep Breath.

My bought with The Grey recently was brought about by a song played on the radio at work. It was my song to Miss Salty and it triggered the whole mess of feelings involved in that.  One thing they never seem to mention about being empathic is that emotions experienced in certain situations stay and lay dormant until something triggers them and then there you are all over again. Which triggers a whole lot of meditation on the problem.  My most recent meditations have led me to a question: What exactly is The Grey?

Depression?  It involves depression but there is that switch that goes off to protect me from the sadness so I feel nothing. In that state, am I depressed or something else entirely?  I think I might have had an introspective moment because of this that might lead to an awakening.   I hope so.

Deep Breath.

I took a lot of those deep breaths before I met my new doctor. I just passed 50 so the protocol becomes: ‘You need this test done, you need to start this medication as a diabetic.’  I am like – what is this malevolent magic that took place where all this was unnecessary at age 49 and 364 days but one day later, a whole list of evil fairies have comes and makes you vulnerable to a whole new crops of shit. I hope my new doctor is a good salesman and explains things well, because if you don’t sell me – Yeah, fuck that shit.

The problem is that all my health indicators indicate I am healthier than I was last year, but somehow my medicines need to be increased and new treatments engaged for possible problems down the road. I hate American medicine, they either engage in damage control after the fact or their definition of preventative medicine is purely put more pills in your body. Not my thoughts on how to approach my health.

Deep Breath.

I don’t take too much for granted when it regards my marriage.  Our reconciliation is in truth a work in progress. I simply acknowledge here that It still might not work, something I started when we first decided to go down this path to my family and something I remind myself of right now. I want it very much to work, don’t get me wrong. But I also acknowledge the struggle in my heart between how much do I have to give up as far as my personal happiness to stay married? I shouldn’t be looking at it that way should I, but I am, and that is very troubling to me.

  1. My wife and I have very different values now.  That is basically because I ‘fuck it’ to my former faith and she has not.  What is important to me is very different than what is important to her.  And it is growing more divided.
  2. Our goals are very different and trying to find common ground either involves a lot of compromises or straight up, from my perspective, me giving up a lot of my goals entirely.  I am growing weary of having to give up what I desire simply to make my family and friends happy, and that is exactly the state of mind I was in that caused me to walk away a year ago. Not good.
  3. I now know what aspects of a relationship with a woman I am missing and still desire. It creates a longing in my heart that I cannot seem to shake.

Deep Breath.

I think it is time to look within.  Discover who I am again and out of that might flow a lot of answers.  It is time to awaken and to take that first breath of who I am now.  It is time to find that person and become them.

Deep Breath.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Weights, Backpacks, and Overcoming Myself” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

Recently I decided to do my weight training cycles in two-month blocks instead of three months.  Part of it is that you have to change things up from time to time because your body gets used to what you have been doing and you plateau.  By changing things and keeping them new you avoid that.  Weightlifting has some of that built-in by changing the resistance level but changing the exercises, training split and order do a lot in terms of keeping things fresh.  Keeping things challenging so you don’t get complacent is a lot of what I have learned from lifting.

The major change that will start next week is bringing back into my routines one piece of equipment – the barbell.  That means squats, bench presses, and deadlifts. I have avoided these since joining my new gym because of the hiatus before and because I wanted to make sure my body was ready with fewer aches and pains before I began.  I am ready and to be honest I need to do it.

As I look at the problem areas that remain on my body they all related to the three exercises I stated above. Those are the places where fat burn has been lowest and muscle development lightest.  Basically glutes, lower back, and chest.   It is those three missing exercises that would probably get me over the plateau I’m am on now as well and so it is time.

The other issue is walking and hiking. I don’t know but I have this image of me in retirement doing some crazy hiking. Like the United States hiking triple crown which consists of the Appalachian Trail (AT), The Continental Divide Trail (CDT) and the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT).  To do that requires a lot of training walks and shorter hikes as preparation for that.  It’s a few years down the road but I can see it in my head.

There is, of course, the issue of the Self Virtues which is to provide strength over self and provide the ability to overcome weaknesses of self.  That requires discipline, perseverance, and fidelity.  Progress doesn’t just fall out of the sky.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.

Nutrition is also a big issue, Mostly I want right now to go through my apartment and get rid of anything I am not supposed to be doing with Paleo and start right from there.  But my wife isn’t doing it and it wouldn’t be right to impose this on her although I think it would help both of us.  So mostly I am going to have to find ways to do this myself and avoid the temptations in the kitchen.

Mostly though I need to ask the question fo whether discipline can be applied to anything else in my life.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

This week has had a lot of failure and defeat, time to get up and keep trying.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

I don’t know.  Fidelity is complicated.  I am now looking at who I should be loyal to in a lot of areas of my life.  I have a very few friends left because in this latest crisis my ‘friends’ scattered like cockroaches when the light is turned on. In truth, though all my relationships are getting the – ‘OK, I am loyal to you, but why’ question? I am just not sure how much I am going to like the answers.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom:

What is the wise thing to do?  It is my last question on each decision.  After the questions: What is the loving thing to do and what is the just thing to do? I guess there can be those moments where I still don’t have a good answer.   In the meantime, I maintain discipline, keep getting up and maintain Troth. 

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Walking – 1 hour.
  5. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  6. Reading – half an hour for enjoyment.

Once I find a full-time job rest days will be at a premium and this will be much more important.  I need to sit down and revise this one more. What I am seeing is that there will be a standard daily routine and a few things that either fall in the Work Day or Rest Day Routine.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 3

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!