Wisdom

“Two Self Goals” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / 3 Comments

Happy Sif’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

My self goals have always been about strengthening myself from within and without.  In the case fo a couple fo them this is literally true of my body, but I find the body, consciousness connection kicks in and those things strengthen more than the body.

Both of my remaining goals have one thing in common and that is they will not be said to be achieved until the very last day of march because both of them are, much like the virtues of self-discipline and perseverance they are based on requiring consistency over time.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April 30th, 2020 – Beltane.

I struggle with the paleo Diet mostly because it would require looking at my wife and telling her we are dumping everything from the fridge that doesn’t address it so I don’t have things around me I can not eat. I would rather have the whole thing devoted to it.

In any case, the diet I am on is working but not completely paleo. This may be a case of a successful failure where the diet wasn’t achieved but the results indicate success.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

At present, I will mark this goal off at the end fo the year.  All three activities have been there.  Stretching most mornings.  Lifting when I am near the gym after work and walks when the weather is good. I don’t see this one not being crossed off in the end as long as I keep doing what I am doing.

Fidelity:

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s moral philosophy, to one’s family, one’s friends, and most important to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends is valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

My anniversary celebration was a high moment this year.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom:

The issue of wisdom addresses the most if lifestyle.  How one lives their life as a whole.  Generating new and better habits is a good lifestyle challenge but it means engaging a lot of wisdom and being flexible and adaptable.  Lasting change involves changing and tweaking but also simple determination.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  5. Reading – 1/7th of a book
  6. Writing – 3000 Words

I need to do this one more, but I tend to jsut collapse and vegetate on days off.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 5

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
  4. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  5. By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Atheism and the Higher Virtues” – Of Wolves and Ravens – The Higher Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Discussion:

Turning to the B Side of my philosophical discussions we hit the Higher Virtues.  Of Course, this is the first time I have really considered Love, Justice, and Faith as an atheist, but there are some important points to be made overall.  I know I will handle each of these separately in the coming weeks; so I am not so much interested in defining them as considering them as a whole.

The concept of higher unifying virtues is something I introduced later after embracing the nine Noble Virtues (NNV). The idea was to simply ask the question of does the NNV combine into others and what place did Love, Justice, and Wisdom have?  The end result was that Each corresponds to the three of the NNV closely but all the virtues play into Love, Justice, and Wisdom.

There is an intention here of the highest purpose.  I am not leaving my life to chance by following the higher virtues, but rather make each decision asking those three questions: Is this loving?  Is this just?  Is this wise? The morse specific analysis is achieved by looking at the NNV when the situation is not clear in an area. This has been a proven form for me.

Atheists look at the practical side of moral decisions far more than others. they have no higher power to please.  NO higher authority to appeal to; so every ethical and moral decision is made by a great deal of thought. The virtues, including the higher ones, guide this for me specifically.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

Virtue became a strong need for me after leaving my Christian faith.  I have no doubt that others would have just said ‘fuck it’ and do what they wanted.  But I know that survival and prosperity of life are never achieved by just saying ‘fuck it’.   Everyone needs a code to survive and prosper.  Following the higher virtues is about intention.

Wants (Freki):

Prosperity and survival are the end results of the following virtues as a general rule.  Something that all of us should want and strive for. Virtue leads to this end and the ideas of being a loving, just, and a wise person just make that all easier.  Definitely, something I want.

Reason (Huginn):

I came in large part to these conclusions because of rationally considering what needed to guide my life.  No gods, no masters; just my own wants and desires guided by reason and wisdom. This lines up very well with the atheist rationality I have decided is the best course for my life.

Wisdom (Muninn):

That said, wisdom reminds me that human beings have an emotional side to them,  These passions need wise guidance. They need to have some virtue guiding them or they lead our lives to lack intention and effort.

Conclusion:

As an atheist, the Higher virtues now mean more to me than ever.  It is the simple asking if any action is loving, just and wise that has led to some great decisions.  It has also allowed me to avoid some of the pitfalls of living this life.  My hope is that this path will lead to the prosperity and wise life I am looking for.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Centered” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

To be centered and balanced is much of the goal of my Self Virtues.  Fidelity, Discipline, and Perseverance are virtues that draw upon things for strength that come from within.  The principles regarding these virtues reflect that.

This issue is to bring discipline and routine to every area of my life that needs it while at the same time learning and getting up from each and every failure.  I draw strength from the relationships in that I am loyal to those who have shown themselves loyal to me.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April 30th, 2020 – Beltane.

I have to say the main challenge here is jsut to have one week where all my routines are done and effective.  It hasn’t happened yet but when it does it will be my standard of discipline.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

Perseverance is natural to me except I need to learn from each failure, more so there are fewer of them.  Being stubborn is OK, but it needs to be a strength that builds strength from learning as well.

Fidelity:

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s moral philosophy, to one’s family, one’s friends, and most important to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends is valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

Perhaps if I was more loyal to myself I could be more loyal to myself. 🙂

Higher Virtue – Wisdom:

The point is to draw new wisdom from life from the self virtues and then apply it.  Learning without applying is almost useless.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  5. Reading – 1/7th of a book
  6. Writing – 3000 Words

Good relaxing and yet gets a few things done.  Can’t complain.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 5

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
  4. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  5. By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Fidelity, Atheism, and Asatru” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Fidelity

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Discussion:

I always have a little twinge of guilt when I write about fidelity or loyalty.  I have had an affair.  I am not proud of it but it happened. I can’t say that all of it was bad either as the reasons I did it were real and in some ways could be justified as I felt at the time loyalty was harmful to me in a lot of ways.   My loyalty to my wife was harmful because it seemed to benefit her far more than it did me.  It led to a passive-aggressive relationship.  My sarcasm is usually playful but at the time with her, it could be biting and it was the same the other way.

As an atheist, fidelity has a give and take to it.  For a long time, I felt love was to sacrifice even to the point of being loyal to a fault.  If anything has changed it has the realization that the person I need to love the most and be loyal to the most is myself. I am all I really have no matter what others may do.  The blind loyalty expected of Christians I now see for what it is – the groundwork to use people for your own ends by playing on their loyalty.  Pride is removed in Christian loyalty which means you can make people do anything because they have no honor and no shame.

Fidelity under Asatru, however, is different.  It has honor as its foundation so no amount of loyalty should robe you of your pride.  If anything fidelity should either build your pride and thus lead to greater honor or it should cause you shame when you fail so you work to make it right and truly a two-way street. Above all, there is no demand to sacrifice your loyalty to yourself – ever.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

The need here for me was to change my expectations of loyalty to myself.  If there has been one struggle that is affecting all my relationships it is the fact that sometimes I have walked away because I still have my pride and I will not deal with people who do not respect it. I will not tolerate disloyalty, even from myself, and the challenge is to know when that is happening.

Wants (Freki):

What I want is to restore my sense of honor and loyalty to myself. I do not want compromise to the point where I am in any relationship that has all the benefits or even most of them are going one way – away from myself to the other person.  Mutually beneficial is what I am after here; where loyalty is the strength of those relationships.

Reason (Huginn):

The problem is I can usually rationally see what needs to be done in each relationship.  I have done the infamous INFJ door slam to several people but it takes a lot for me to get there. Mostly though I don’t want to cause pain to others because I get a feedback loop emotionally.  It’s kind fo bitch to know how far you can go before the negative emotions of others start to affect you emotionally.  Reasonably, I can see each relationship and know what to do or should do. It is the emotional lines in the sand I don’t want to cross that can get in the way.

Wisdom (Muninn):

The wisdom is never let loyalty to be slavery to the other person.  Someone who cares about you and is loyal to you will want you to be free and not want you to be their slave. If they cross that line too many times it might be time to let go – self-respect, honor, and fidelity to self are far more important than any relationship.

Conclusion:

Fidelity is important to me and mostly the shift caused by the crisis and becoming an atheist has been to be a person who is loyal first to himself and then everyone else.  My moral philosophy and my loyalty to it and myself are the central things in my life. Every other relationship needs to build that loyalty to myself or respect it, or I am going to have a problem with it.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Viking Virtues – Part 3” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

The self virtues do have their outward toward others component but their main focus is on strengthening me, myself, and I.  It is the strength of Discipline, Perseverance, and  Fidelitycombined into the wisdom they bring that gives me my personal overall strength.  All of them either build that strength or preserve it.

When I first started following the Nine Noble Virtues it was about having a code to give me an overall foundation for my life after casting off the shackles of my former faith and life.  Virtues have become the centerpiece of my life and the Asatru virtues are some of the best and a list that resonates with me and my personally the most.  My realization I am an atheist and have been for quite some time does not change that.  The goal is to live a good life and the virtues lead me to that regardless of where they came from.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April 30th, 2020 – Beltane.

My routines are the main expression of this virtue.  I don’t think I am hard enough on myself. I need to make sure that each and every day the checklists and routines are done so there is peace of mind as I go into times of relaxing and enjoying life.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

I guess part of perseverance I should add is to learn from each defeat and failure.  yeah, I still want to get up every time, but I would also like to fall down less and that comes form learning.

Fidelity:

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s moral philosophy, to one’s family, one’s friends, and most important to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends is valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

This is a hard virtue because I have very high standards of loyalty.  So to me, a person can appear to betray me a lot easier than I should probably think.  It’s my perception that it can be a problem.  I am as fierce as a bear when it comes to protecting my own and those who are loyal to me, but that is a very exclusive club.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom:

The whole point of all the virtues in many ways is to gain and live by wisdom. I just need to understand the center of this and its core in many ways is my understanding of myself and learning to discipline myself better.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  5. Reading – 1/7th of a book
  6. Writing – 3000 Words

Solid.  I actually had some success with this routine this week.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 5

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
  4. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  5. By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Rest Day Routine” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

I believe in active rest that is on purpose.  Training and Nutrition, for instance, need a chance to do what they are going to do to our bodies and rest is what accomplishes that.  In life, it is important to deliberately rest and not make it about just being lazy.  Although being lazy can be a good thing from time to time, as a lifestyle it accomplishes little.

This is why my rest day has some things that are active.  I read and write and still do my morning routine. I also clean for a bit as the sense of putting things in order gives me some peace and a sense of purpose.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April 30th, 2020 – Beltane.

I have never accomplished a consistent progress without discipline and routine.  To me, this is not boring but the means to get the moments I want. It can be quite exciting when

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

Part of a routine is not getting flustered when you fail.  You just get up the next day and try again.

Fidelity:

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s moral philosophy, to one’s family, one’s friends, and most important to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends is valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

Loyalty factors into a routine in that the design is about being loyal to many things consistently.  Most notably myself.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom:

Routine is wise.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  5. Reading – 1/7th of a book
  6. Writing – 3000 Words

This has been a quick post because I have been struggling with my issue this last week but I know the cure will be found in my routine.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 5

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
  4. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  5. By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Discipline, Atheism, and Asatru” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Discipline

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Discussion:

Right now discipline is difficult because of two reasons.  Firstly my thoughts right now are a jumbled mess.  Secondly, the holidays are so different than regular life and I am struggling to stay above all that.  I hate the chaos at times because it is a people chaos, not regular life chaos.  I can handle a lot of things but not a jumbled situation where I have to say ‘hi’ to a lot of people which I haven’t seen in a year. This weekend was a prime example of a weekend that is just not me.

I spent Saturday driving somewhere to spend the day shopping with my wife.  Lots of travel in a car and people being everywhere is not my idea of a great time.  The time with my wife was good, but I felt pressured all day and I certainly did not have time to do what I like to do. Then yesterday afternoon was two family Christmases back to back.  Not a fan. It was my wife’s family so I also get half of the family that is cool because they are outcasts like me and the other half that still seems to hold something against me.

From a discipline standpoint, this all combines to make December a difficult month to keep mental focus for me and thus difficult to be disciplined.  The negative effect is a lot of things are slipping and I am going to have to double down as soon as all this shit is over.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

Discipline is a needed thing.  It is what is the machine that drives success and I need it so much to do what I want to do.  The issue is my own thoughts being jumbled because of depression, being put in situations that are uncomfortable.  These all just drain me and my discipline suffers as a result.

Wants (Freki):

What I want is a focused life that is getting the results I need.  As an atheist, I am not waiting for some divine white knight to come and help me out.  I need and want to be the warrior that gets it done for myself. Discipline is the key.  That starts with saying “I can do better.”

Reason (Huginn):

I think I am at another crossroads in my life.  They happen quite a bit, but 2020 seems more pivotal if I am going to get anywhere near my goals. There is no achievement without discipline and I am looking forward to a time where discipline brings about results.  But it is also just a rational nod of the head if there is no action that is disciplined behind it.

Wisdom (Muninn):

I need to find a wise way out of all this jumbled mess.  There is a part of me that just wants to wisely withdraw from it all and start somewhere else.  But this is the struggle of burning bridges sometimes – do you have the discipline to keep them burned and lying in ashes.  No regrets.

Conclusion:

The only master I want is me. The mastery of my own life is key here and I am starting to feel worn out with all the chaos of thought and life.  Some order needs to be brought to it. In the meantime, I endure the holidays and wait for the storm to subside.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Holiday Nutrition” -A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

My bucket list for Self Virtues is far more personal than my other long term goals. Most of them involve self-indulgence or self-discovery on my own journey of life.  When I look at them I see goals that are on the near horizon for the most part with one long term goal.  One that involves origins.   The other two are about celebration and journey.

During the holidays, nutrition can be difficult but not all holiday meals are completely Paleo hostile.  Turkey, ham and the veggies and fruit are not bad, nor are the holiday nuts. Its all the sugar, potatoes, etc., although sweet potatoes are fine. Mostly though I try to just relax because I think stressing out about it is more unfruitful than the occasional indulgence of treats.  it is a time of celebration to I celebrate.  I just try to stay true to my diet most of the time.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April 30th, 2020 – Beltane.

The rebellious act is in planning and Beltane is not that far away. If all goes well this will also fulfill the every year goal for 2020 of a bucket list item per year.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

This bucket list item is a goal for this year.  Either a new job or a tax return is going to provide the means. Hopefully a new job.

Fidelity:

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s moral philosophy, to one’s family, one’s friends, and most important to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends is valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

A friend of mine is sending me a DNA test.  This will be the beginning of something I hope will open up things in this regard. After that, it is researching records and then planning the trip or trips needed.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom:

I don’t know about wisdom this week.  My heart is pulling me down the path of relaxing and resting but my work schedule and need for money say otherwise.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  5. Reading – 1/7th of a book
  6. Writing – 3000 Words

Still the hardest.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 5

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
  4. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  5. By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Before and After” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 24

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Woden’s (Odin) Day!

This post is a little later than usual because I am doing a little bit of an experiment with it.  In about a half-hour, my therapist and I will be meeting via Skype and we will be hopefully discussing some of my issues so what you are getting with this installment is The Grey and The Wayfarer ‘before and after’.  So the part marked ‘Before’ is what I was thinking before I went into session and the part marked “After” is my thoughts as I reflected on them after the session.  It has really been up and down these last two weeks so I need to talk about that.

Before:

The issues I want to discuss in this session are the main two of my marriage and identity.  In the issue of my marriage, there are some things I need to discuss with my wife and my therapist is going to help me, according to our last session, as to how to approach this discussion as I am a little apprehensive of talking about the specific issues.  It’s weird because this isn’t about sex or intimacy but more about common goals, vision and what are we going to do now. What are we now with our values shifting in different directions and the objective for our lives shifting.

The second issue of identity is one of trying to figure out what I am now that I am both an atheist and no longer a pastor.  Part of this is career issues that my job coach is helping me with and I will talk on that at a different time.  This is deeper than that.  More of a foundational question.  My hope is there will be some insight as the last two sessions have been more of me talking and her digesting things and coming to understand my situation.  Hopefully, she has some wisdom, because right now I could use some and I am starting to feel confined and trapped by the situation.  That’s before.  See what happens and then I will write an after and then post both.

After:

Things worked as I think she guided my own thoughts into doing what needs to be done.  I need to really think about a direct course of designing my life as far as what I am going to be while having options.  My primary identity is being a writer, but it is going to be my second one which can be multiple things that will define me as far as other people are concerned for a while.

Also, we talked about Christmas and the family mostly.  I just don’t want it to be drama, but I also have the task of telling people I don’t pray anymore over the meals.  It’s more about celebrating the season of Yuletide and being with the kids and grandkids as much as possible. I am just there to enjoy, not be the spiritual master of ceremonies.

Of course, we talked about my marriage and all I will say about that is that a conversation between us needs to take place soon.  No more there, as no one else needs to know yet what is going on. I just now have it very clear that before the new year my wife and I need to talk about some things. ‘Need’ being the keyword.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Hospitality, Atheism, and Asatru” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Hospitality

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Discussion:

I have been struggling with something for a while now and that is the ability to connect with people. When I was pastor fo my last church I created a small group of people with the idea of sharing and prayer for one another. I called it Living Stones based on `1 Peter 2:4-5:

And coming to Him as to a living stone which has been rejected by men, but is choice and precious in the sight of God, you also, as living stones, are being built up as a spiritual house for a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.

The point was to share one’s struggles and triumphs in one’s spiritual walk with Christ to become drawn together in relationship with each other and Christ as living stones.  it was good in that it was for a while one of the best support groups I was ever a part of and my main motivation for creating it was my need for companionship where I could be open with people about some of my feelings.  It is the support group aspect I miss very much.

Hospitality is the same virtue if you take a broad definition of showing care and concern for others.  Asatru’s definition is about sharing when one can, especially with those far from home. Being kind. But for me, it is also about gathering with others in an environment that is safe so one can share more than prosperity, but one’s life with others.  I miss it.  But I also have developed through the painful experience of trusting others that people can betray you when you need them the most.

The atheist community is foreign to me.  I mean not completely so, but I am just starting in it nad it is good that through the Clergy Project I have a group and it did meet my goal.  But it isn’t the same as having people in your life every day or a couple times a week. Real flesh and blood that you have hospitality with.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

I still need something but I am not sure I will ever have it again.  Fellowship.  I lack fellowship and it is eating at me.  The problem is I don’t trust anyone anymore. How does one meet a need in your life when you have trouble trusting those that could provide it?

Wants (Freki):

On a want level, I want this in other relationships to be deeper, but once again trust or my high expectations seem to get in the way.  So better not to trust at all than being disappointed.  Hospitality demands I trust and boy do I struggle with it even though it would gain for me something I need and want.

Reason (Huginn):

So what is the reasonable thing to do?  It is the question I will have for my therapist on Woden’s Day. I am glad to have a group to talk to and her about this, but how far do I trust them even. Or is the better question, how far do I trust them?  I hate being lonely on the one hand, but I can’t trust people at times enough to open up so I am not lonely. Will I ever find someone to be fully transparent with again?

Wisdom (Muninn):

Wisdom is very cloudy on this issue for me.  Grey and overcast. Hopefully, something will become clear.

Conclusion:

Hospitality is the virtue I struggle with the most. I just don’t know what to do about it.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!