“The Grey Wayfarer’s Creative Writing Rotation” – The Rabyd Skald

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

In this post, I want to lay out more specifically the rotation for my fiction writing regarding this blog in particular. My current work on my novel is something I will keep quiet and separate for obvious reasons, but this stuff is public and more about practice in writing than anything else.  I also have found some inspiration for other things.

The reason I write fiction is basically, it is far more therapeutic that even journaling. I tend to daydream a lot and writing fiction is what brings those dreams to life to a certain extent.  It is the first step in seeing what is my head becoming tangible.  In this process, I find a lot of peace and joy.  It has long been one of my main defenses against the Grey.

This blog has two canonized Serials: Rogue Wizard and The Grey Wayfarer Serial. I am not sure about the second, but the first is experiencing a renaissance in my mind.  It might take a bit to get this pattern rolling but Rogue Wizard will definitely be a part of it.  As for the Grey Wayfayer, I feel this is good but it is very hard to write because I focus on the quality of it so much. I probably just need to stop overthinking it.

There is a place for both short stories and poems her as well, I just have never really put much thought into what to write.  There are four canonized poems here so far and I have a few others floating in my head. Short stories are a little hard for me as I like details and longer story arcs but one thing I think would be a good exercise is to take fairy tales of old and give them a modern feel and perhaps take their lessons and modernize them.  Making children’s stories into adult stories is a fascination for me.

My daily blogging routine goes something like this.

  1. Review and place yesterday’s post(s) on a page
  2. Review today’s post(s) and give it a final edit
  3. Write and edit tomorrows post(s)
  4. Create the ‘bones’ for the post or posts to appear in two days – basically, outline and hunt down the featured image for it.
  5. Give 30 minutes to writing extras like The Rabyd Skald posts or creative writing

People ask me how long it takes to do this and it really depends on the writing and editing of tomorrow post. But I get up a 1 am usually for work and fit it all in before I leave for work at 2:45 am. This includes my morning routine first before blogging. Sometimes I have to spend the half-hour creative writing after I get home from work but for the most part, the regular blogging gets done in a little more than an hour.

I have been blogging so long I have learned the value of set form and rotation. I have also learned the value of keeping a notebook so I write thoughts and ideas down when I have them.  The outline of each post has been running in my head for a while before I actually sit down to write so they often write themselves.

What I need is a rotation of creative writing for the blog so that half hour stays on point and starts accomplishing something.  Firstly I think what should happen is that Rogue Wizard will be every other creative writing post.  I like this series and my ideas already have my alter ego well into spring. So what remains is the other stuff.

Proposed Rotation:

  1. Rogue Wizard
  2. A Poem
  3. Rogue Wizard
  4. The Grey Wayfarer (serial)
  5. Rogue Wizard
  6. Short Story
  7. Rogue Wizard
  8. Other series

Yes, I do have in mind another series, I am just not sure what yet.  Perhaps a Retelling of fairy tales with my style and adult viewpoint.  I have some time to think about it. That is the other thing.  I am setting a time limit for these creative writing posts to 2 or 3 days.  Two days for the poem and short story ones and three days for Rogue and the other two series.  This should keep me moving.

Don’t worry about my novel or my other book. I find myself using the extra time I have to work on both of them far more than scheduled at times. I am enjoying the novel in particular as right now it is all about world and character development. I just want to have some sense of order here so I get some creative writing practice with this stuff. Who knows, maybe it will become something that is more than that.

One more thing, I am moving Crossing Bifrost to Sunday afternoon.  I want The Skald’s Lyre to be my Saturn’s Day thing from now on.  Basically a double post on Sun’s Day with the occasional double of creative writing every two or three weekdays.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Writing Notes – Format Change, Plans, Etc.” – The Rabyd Skald

Happy Tyr’s Day

This post is one of those Rabyd Skald’s that is information about some format changes to the blog, a discussion of writing plans and a few other matters.

Blog Changes:

  1. The first thing I want to note is the format change for the posts. I have decided to move the specific title for the post to the front so you can see it first.  My hope is that you can see what the post is about and then you the reader will know better if you are interested in the topic or not. I think the problem is all the titles look alike in many ways so people just skip them.  Even the journal posts usually have some content in them that might be helpful to others.  I am just trying to set what that might be right up front so you as a reader can see it quickly.  Normally, for instance, this pot would have been the title:  The Rabyd Skald – “Writing Notes – Format Change, Plans, Etc.”.  I have simply changed that so it is flipped.
  2. I also am probably going to change the way I tag posts.  There are two issues here “Catagories’ and ‘Tags’. In the case of categories, I have always been of the philosophy to categorize a post as much as possible. That way if a post addresses a topic, it is covered; or if I want to look at the history I have with a topic I can find all posts relating to it quickly. Categories are my filing system along with pages and subpages. I haven’t really how to consider Tagging posts by contrast and I think I am going to start heading in the direction of getting to the core of what a post is about.  That way when a search engine looks for a topic it finds my post based on the core issue it addresses.  There will thus be far fewer tags than categories.
  3. I am considering breaking up the Pagan Pulpit a bit. Mostly I miss talking about music exclusively. I have other posts to talk about poetry and such so I might take out the poetry and music parts from the pulpit and create a separate post for them each week.  This would leave the meditations, text/sermon, parting thought and a few announcements for the pulpit and maybe one song to be a theme setter.  I am thinking a post series called The Skald’s Lyre might be good to discuss music. For poetry I have my own for my poems, I also want to discuss other people’s poems that enjoy so a new post title might be needed there too.  You might see this as early as this coming weekend.
  4. I am working on the next edition of the Rogue Wizard and given that school is over this might be more frequent so you might see it more along with some other fiction.  At least for the summer, this should be true.
  5. One other note on this blog.  I heading in the direction that this blog will be rated ‘older teen’ to ‘young adult’ as far as content.  That is not to say that all the posts will have such content, just that it is a possibility. This means basically there might be few posts about adult subjects and images that contain what would be considered violent or with partial nudity in the theatre. My purpose is not to set up a porn site or anything, just be very real at times when it comes to the subjects of violence, nudity, sexuality, etc. If you’re offended by images of violence and/or nude images of women’s boobs and men and women’s backsides; I am just warning you that you might run into one from time to time.  You have been warned.

Writing Plans:

I have picked the topic for my first non-fiction book and my novel has its basic outline and theme.  The only thing left is to start writing. I want to use this summer to get off to a good start with both. The non-fiction book is heading in the direction of a book about The Bible. I am looking at a subject from my new frame of mind and I think it has the potential to make people think and maybe make some money using my expertise in Bible and Theology.  The novel is going to be the kind of story I want to read.  A sword and sorcery tale at the low to medium power level.  It should be fun to write this novel.

Summer Plans:

My other plans for summer are to do some enjoyable research into Norse Mythology and Viking Culture, look and find a better job using my new degree and consider where I want to go with my education next.  I want to to do some walking and maybe a short day hike or two as well. Just solidifying my routines and moving forward with my life.

Final Note:

With school done for the most part and me being allowed to take a deep breath, I am feeling fairly positive about my future at this point. I still struggle with some things but who doesn’t.  Mostly I just want a fresh start at this point.  A new path to wander and explore.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Warrior Mind (Part 1)

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

I have to remind myself that the Nine Noble Virtues of Asatru are a warrior code.  This is by design as even though I have never been a warrior as far as being a soldier, I believe maintaining a warrior mind is important for success.  Life is a battle in many ways although it has its good moments and as the old samurai saying goes – it is better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war.  A warrior can wrap his mind around situations both of battle and of peace.  In his mind he is always preparing in peace for war.

As I look at the Foundational virtues of Honor, Courage and Truth, they truly represent winning the battle in the mind before it is actually fought. In Honor there is a vision of a positive future.  In Courage there is the will to act.  In Truth there is an honest assessment of how to win and what strategy to employ. I see what I want to do with a positive mental attitude and that is the first key to winning.

I have never achieved anything or won any battle I have fought without first achieved or won in my mind first.  But flip that over and I have never won a battle or achieved anything if in my mind I had already lost.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

My daily blog streak passed the 200 day mark at the end of last week. I am well more than half way now. Once April ends I will be two-thirds done with this year of blogging.  Once the semester ends, I am going to start figuring out what hiking equipment I need and start purchasing it.  In the end it would be nice to plan the Northern trail hike with everything I need already in my possession.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

I strongly expect that I will cross a couple of things off my bucket list before March 31st of next year.  My first candidate will probably be getting a tattoo. Going back to Budapest is a long-term goal involving a lot of things happening over probably the next five years.  That said every once in a while I find myself with memories in mt head of the city.  They motivate me.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

I have picked my topic for my non-fiction book.  Now it is a matter of creating an outline which is pretty much already done for me in some ways. Learning Latin is more of a matter of taking the time to do it.  I will have less excuses once the semester is over.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Love is a great motivator for me.  It fuels me and at the same time it is the thing that I find most difficult to achieve.  I have high standards for love that I give fairly freely. I just get disappointed a lot sometimes catastrophically. Love when present is however my greatest virtue when it comes to winning the battle of the mind. If I love a person or doing what I love, I have very little difficulty in having a positive attitude about it.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Breakfast, Medications and Supplements.
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

Been a struggle this week mostly due to my own wrestling with things.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – Weekend Musings and Writing Plans

Happy Saturn’s Day

By way of announcements:

  1. There will be no Crossing Bifrost today as I am very much near the end of the semester and I am trying to complete some extra work for school plus get my Routines back on track.  Possible finish off another class’ work today.  For the same reason and as a gesture of respect to the Christians out there doing their Easter celebrations, there will be no Pagan Pulpit this Sun’s Day either.  I have said my piece on Thor’s Day about the resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth in my post on the subject.
  2. What will happen is this post on some writing plans today as well as some other wandering thoughts.  Tomorrow on Sun’s Day I will post the next installment of Rogue Wizard.  I also plan on canonizing a poem I wrote last week sometime this weekend as well.

Well, time for a few musings and wandering thoughts.

This is the first Easter season where I honestly can say I haven’t been stressed out.  I am no longer a minister so I am not preparing a message or getting a service ready.  I have to work at my job, probably because all the Christians asked for the day off, but I am good with that. I actually have more peace about it than anything else.  I just wonder if I will be working alone.

I am hopefully going to get my first walk in of the season today.  I have been waiting for a sunny day that is above 50 degrees and so today may be the first hike of the wandering skald. Hiking is a real spiritual thing for me and I am looking forward to the walk.  After that as long as it is above 45 degrees walking will take place.

The Grey has been thankfully very light right now. It is more of a dull boring sensation than depression.  More of an annoyance than anything else. I guess part of that is I have come to look at my memories of this time last year as more of a challenge o picking out the good and discarding the bad.  That will be far more difficult this summer, but right now it isn’t that hard.

Writing plans:

Part of getting back on track with all my routines is setting my writing goals.  Most notably my goals for my novel and my non-fiction book. I think I have narrowed things down a bit.

For my non-fiction book I am going to do something involving the Bible and Skepticism.  My former Christian friends might not like it but I am thinking of doing a harmony of the gospels from a skeptics point of view.  I guess announcing this at Easter is fitting in some ways as it marks a turn of thought for me.  The book will be more designed for the popular press written in something that anyone with a basic education can understand but I may do another version that is scholarly first then rewrite it for publication.

For my novel, I am going to go pure fantasy.  I had an idea a long time ago of five friends who after growing up together in a small medieval fantasy city decide to take up adventuring together in an old blog that is now deleted.  I am thinking though it might make a good novel.  It is the kind of story I would like to read so it should be fun to write.

Here on this blog I am moving slowly forward with Rogue Wizard.  I must say that The Grey Wayfarer series is not so much halted as it is me taking some time to continue my research into Norse mythology before I continue with it.  That series is more about quality than quantity. I am therefore taking a lot more time with it. Rogue Wizard on the other hand is placing myself into situations as the main character is basically me on a divergent timeline. This makes it easier to write.  I have noted since I decided to engage my memories instead of avoid them, I have found it easier to write in general.  Sill need a new muse, but I will find her somewhere I am sure.

Enjoy your weekend, there should be a Poem and A Story somewhere for you.  This week coming up I will be talking about the Pagan Holiday Walpurgis on Odin’s Eye.  This is the May Eve celebrations.  So for you pagan’s out there do not fear, we will get past this to our own stuff.

As a final announcement, on Thursday I passed 200 days straight blogging.  With this post today it will be 202.  So I have 163 days to go for a whole year.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

 

Odin’s Eye – Christianity Problems – The Resurrection and Eyewitness Reliability

Happy Thor’s Day

Discussion:

I suppose a disclaimer is in order.  I am writing this post as test pilot of the kind of things I could probably put in a book as an ex-believer, former pastor, bible scholar and theologian.  The kind of things that would cause many Christians to say: “That’s sad, I will pray for you.”  Spare me, I have a better plan for you. Read this post and tell me where I am wrong.  The point is I could write a book (and may do so) about the problems with the life of Jesus Nazareth, this would only represent what would probably be one section of a chapter. There is definitely many more things I could say.

Nobody likes death or the idea of ceasing to exist. Nobody.  In large part I think this is why every major religion has an afterlife story. In Christianity an eschatology of where people go after they die. We want to believe that we go on and so we create religions to say when, how and why we would go on. None of this has any real verification as no one has really come back from the dead to tell us the reality of what is after death. Well, unless you can prove Jesus of Nazareth actually did so.

For four decades I believed he had.  It is this central belief on which all of Christianity lives or dies.  Even the Bible understands this as in 1 Corinthians 15 it is very boldly stated that if Jesus did not rise from the dead, then the Christian faith is vain. Everything in Christianity hinges on the resurrection being true.

For years I was therefore a faithful apologist of the resurrection.  I understood the stakes. Without this event, my faith was nonsense.  Today; when it comes down to it, I have more doubts now than belief. For a long time I hinged my faith that the eyewitnesses were telling the truth. They may well have thought they were telling the truth, but were they actually reliable witnesses or subject to the same problems that plague all eyewitness accounts?

Here is the problem – everything that we know about the resurrection is based on eyewitness testimony, and it has been proven that eyewitness testimony is unreliable at best. Then you have the fact that such testimony was not solicited for being permanently written down for many years after the fact. Even by conservative christian scholarship there is a gap of twenty years between the events and the first gospel. That’s a long time for the eyewitnesses to get their story straight and they still don’t pull it off.

Eyewitness testimony has the following problems: https://www.simplypsychology.org/eyewitness-testimony.html

  1. Stress / Anxiety – Stress level can have a negative impact on memory.  Depending on the nature of the stress.  While people can remember aspects of events involving weapons very well, they forget others more readily if experiencing personal stress because their personal stress level is very highly distracting to their focus.
  2. Reconstructive Memory.  In memory recall we DO NOT remember things like a video tape.  In reality there is a lot of interpretive action in memory and we remember the gist of the event to the value judgment we placed on it more than the events. We store the information in the way that makes most sense to us. Because this is very cultural and societal it can be full of prejudice and bias. This is reflected in the fact that as people change their values, the memories change in how they are recalled. We reconstruct memories in a way that reflects our belief in the nature of the world.
  3. Weapon Focus – The funny thing about having a weapon pointed at you is that you remember the weapon and nothing else around it.  You might ask how this applies, well when you get focused on one thing you are seeing the other things tend to get blurry.  So the question comes – was the sight of an open tomb an object focus?
  4. Leading Questions – this is normally an issue with legal matters in testimony, but in the case of the gospels the claim is made that the writers of the gospels were interviewing eyewitnesses – did they during such interviews ask leading questions?

So, the question then becomes how accurate is any account, even four of them, when all those accounts are based entirely of eyewitness testimony many years after the fact?  There is a high probability that a large amount of the second problem entered into the accounts as the disciples interpreted the events according to their values and beliefs in the world.  The believed in miracles and they wanted Jesus to be alive.

I could argue that the whole thing might be made up.  But let’s for the sake of this argument say that on resurrection morning the disciples did indeed see something and the interpreted that as Jesus of Nazareth risen from the dead. Let’s assume that their gospels are the eyewitness testimony they claim to be and see what problems could be there.  Let’s assume thy are not being deliberately deceptive, but perhaps misjudged what they saw.

  1. Stress /Anxiety – the disciples would have been under a great deal of stress that would have affected their memory. They were mourning and were by their own accounts in fear of the religious leaders. In the case of the women who first went to the tomb grieving and distraught.  When they arrive at the tomb, it is empty, the guards are gone and there is no body.  Interpretation, because they wanted it to be true – so badly to be true – Jesus rose from the dead.
  2. Reconstructive Memory – this is the big problem. The gospels themselves when it comes to the resurrection accounts are varied and quite frankly at times contradictory.  I am not saying there was a conspiracy to defraud but an atmosphere of want the story to be true to the point that accounts of seeing Jesus alive were probably everywhere. The gospels themselves provide evidence for reconstructive memory.  Mark stops after saying the resurrection took place, the longer version being a clear addition.  No events are actually recorded so you are left with the oral stories floating around.  Matthew and Luke record the events but they don’t agree on some details.  Like who saw Jesus first as far as who was in the group of women. Both of them record Peter being the first to reach the tomb with no second witness.  John says ‘no the way it happened was I was there and I outran Peter to the tomb.’  This lack of continuity in the accounts is a direct refection of not only that memories of the resurrection are being reconstructed, but the stories are told differently to reflect each gospels writer’s own interpretations of those memories; whether their own or the testimony of others.  Worse yet, if we follow even conservative scholarship on the dates of the gospels – we get a gap of time of at least two to three decades where interpretation of bias have influenced those memories over time.  Cementing the values with the memories and altering those memories.
  3. Weapon/Object Focus: If the disciples find the tomb empty, that tomb would become the object focus of the discussion. They would focus on it and try to explain it.  They many to choose from, but their founder Jesus of Nazareth told them he was going to rise from the dead.  They wanted that to be true very badly so the empty tomb becomes – Jesus rose from the dead like he said.  Later when the accounts are being written, ‘angels’ make that statement, and memories reconstructed with additions and changes.
  4. Leading Questions: The problem here is that when the gospel writers are doing their research; they being believers talking to believers would have the high possibility of doing two things.  1) Asking questions that basically assume the story is true looking for confirmation, not honest inquiry and 2) asking softball questions that are leading to get the story they want.  No author of the gospels is a skeptic but rather they assume the story is true and there is no other account but theirs anywhere.

Time to Look Through the Eye:

Faith:

Was this eyewitness thing  the death nail to my faith.  No, but it has raised more doubt than faith that Jesus of Nazareth rose from the dead,  Why?  Because it is highly feasible that with the high expectations or need for comfort, that people made the story up because of wanting something to have faith in. My best example of this is Mary Magdalene seeing Christ after the other ladies leave. She is very distraught (Stress), she is focused on the empty tomb (object focus) and she sees what she perceives is the gardener and then ‘discovers’ it is Jesus (reconstructive memory?). When you add the problem of that no one but Mary experienced this with no other witnesses, it is highly like people who see aliens when they are alone.  With no collaboration, you really have to dismiss the story.  I have more doubts than faith anymore because most stories of seeing the resurrected Christ have these problems.

Religion:

In the end it was my religion and profession that kept me at it, but the doubts kept getting bigger.  This issue of eyewitness testimony actually came up in my Easter sermons because I was wrestling with it.  The more I wrestled with it and looked at the gospel accounts, the more I realize these problems were very possible and that either many of the stories either had no collaboration, no outside collaboration or the witnesses were not named and thus could not be followed up on.

Theology:

If there is any part of the theology I wrestle with it is life after death and its relationship to giving life meaning. Paul’s argument in 1 Corinthians 15 is that the only meaning to life would be ‘eat and drink for tomorrow we die.  But I would argue that philosophers have taken on that point and have done so somewhat successfully.  Don’t get me wrong, their answers aren’t perfect, but they are there to be considered.

Spirituality:

I think most of us deists still cling a little to the possibility of life after death. The possibility that the universe has a grand purpose created by a designer.  That said we are very interested in spirituality that reflects reality.  We want something deeper that is real not the result of flaws in human reasoning and observation.  For me this basically means I place more emphasis on enjoying and living a good life now, because life after death is a true unknown and not something I want to focus my spiritual life on, especially if it turns out that it doesn’t exist.

Conclusion:

Well, I hope you enjoyed this little test pilot of what kinds of things I could write if I was so inclined.  The real issue I wrestle with is truth, how much more important is truth to the value I place on fidelity and respect of others.  I have to think on it more, Because the Life of Christ would be a great topic for me given my education and experience, the problem would be most of my family and friends might disown me or at the very least find it awkward to invite me to family gatherings at Christmas and Easter.  I will have to meditate on it more.

Continuing to Walk the Path,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 9 – Avoiding vs. Facing (Plus Some Writing Notes)

Happy Wooden’s (Odin) Day

I haven’t given a family warning for a while, but the rest of this post probably has one.  I am simply going to be very real for a bit with my feeling about what was going on last year and how it affects me now. If you want to know simply what my writing plans are then you can scroll down to that and start reading there. I will give it a headline.

I wouldn’t give you a nickel for how I felt this past weekend..  I knew memories of last year at this same time were going to be rough, but this is downright painful at times.  Like pins under your fingernails painful.  Then to protect myself from said pain, I go Grey. That feeling of nothing being preferable to the pain and sadness. I hate when people say – “Get over it” or “Move on”.  I think to myself when I hear this: “Yes, this is where I want to be.  To have a choice between sorrow and nothing,  Yeah, this is fun.”  People who say such things, don’t have a fucking clue, and they should probably just learn some shit about depression and then shut up and be thankful you don’t fight this particular battle.

I am conflicted at times as to what strategy to employ as far as dealing with memories. There are simply times; I note, there is no way not to be triggered. So avoiding the memory is not an option.  But then how to confront and face them then?  The real problem of course is not all my memories are bad ones.  There was some good things taking place through a certain relationship last year, it is just the relationship that was doing some of those good things was ‘toxic’ or ‘wrong’.  I don’t know how else to express it, but there were some good things happening for me but other people might say it wasn’t good how it was happening.

I wasn’t moping around in April of 2018, I was actually feeling quite confident and good.  My female friend at the time was helping me deal with things that were a bummer and I was loving her for it. She was keeping the Grey at bay for me or maybe my love for her was, I don’t know. I still miss that friendship, and it hurts that it is gone.  Probably always will.

Unfortunately, we both took things too far.  We let our friendship grow into something else. Something far more intimate emotionally than was probably safe for both of us.  But I think given the state of my marriage at the time; I probably didn’t care as much then as I would now.  Our counselor said my affair was actually pretty typical. Marriage sucked, you didn’t feel loved, you hurt.  Someone else expresses love for you in some way and you are drawn to them like a moth to flame. Nothing special, happens all the time.  Sounds common and base; something I dislike, but there it is.

This weekend was rough because I was; as I often do, sifting through my Facebook memories and there was her name.  Something I had tagged her in.  Fuck it but if it didn’t trigger an immediate emotional response.  A mix of sadness, loss, grief and who knows what else. It is the kind of emotions you get when something good has turned bad or died. The whole thing hurt again and I wanted to crawl up inside and die.  But I didn’t, I kept going. I have to.  It’s all I know. I turned on the Grey and went forward choosing to feel nothing and not all that. Weird thing this time I couldn’t keep it on all the time.  I kept alternating between nothing and sadness. It sucked. I actually cried once.

Despite this, I have concluded avoid things is not an option.  I will not do that.  Let Facebook and other memories come. I need to learn to deal with this.  Let it make me stronger. Let it make me handle The Grey better. I just know this is really the small shower before the storm that will be later this spring and then this summer. It is the warm up and if I can’t learn how to handle this now, the time between now and the end of August is going to seriously suck. Well, it’s going to suck regardless, but I need to learn how to face it so I keep going and that it sucks less.  That’s all for now.

Time to talk about writing.

Writing Notes:

I have a struggle with the non-Fiction book that I am trying to resolve.  Here is the thing, I could be one helluva critic of Religion in general and The Bible and Christianity in particular.  I could write books that would seriously challenge both and possibly make a shit ton of money doing it. It would make all the past learning and experiences as a minister not feel like such a waste of time, if I could use them to build a new future with writing books.  The flip side is I still have a lot of friends who are religious and Christians, including my wife. This would seriously put some shit out there between us.  At the same time I feel what they believe is a fraud and their lives would be better without it.  Shit.

My novel is a little easier. But at the same time genre is important. I have written every fiction genre at one time or another.  Even ones I didn’t really care for and by writing them I found out that I didn’t really care for them.  My best bet would probably be to create a fantasy setting and go with that.  The reason is you can do anything with that.  But my passion is modern fantasy.  What to choose?  I also should note I won’t be writing this novel for a children’s or young adult audience – definitely adult stuff.  So yep – adult situations, sex, and violence.

As far as the blog goes, I am going to try to get out two installments of Rogue Wizard.  One for Thursday and one for Friday.  It’s time for them.  The timeline shift is going to cause the character based on me to have a major life change so that nothing in his life will relate to what is going on in my real life. The purpose of this is to change the nature of the story into something that is pure fiction.  Or mostly pure as the kind of decisions my alter ego would make will still be based on what I would really do in that situation.

Walking The Grey,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Epic Struggle (Part 1)

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

In Norse Mythology Loki has three children with a giantess who, as one would expect are not exactly nice children.  They are Fenrir, Jormungand and Hel.  Fenrir is the wolf that will swallow Odin.  Jormungand is the serpent who will be both defeated by Thor and be Thor’s demise.  Hel is the Ruler of Helheim and the end ruler of all people who die of natural causes. This week I am going to talk about the epic struggle I am having and use all of these as metaphors.

Fenrir is the wolf that will end it all at Ragnarok.  He will swallow both Odin and the Sun according to the mythology and end what was to change it into something new.  He is the wild foundation of nature kept now in invisible chains until he gets loose and destroys that which gives all life (the sun) and destroys all knowledge, reason and strength. (Odin).

My Fenrir is that which would cause me to compromise my inner sense of value, to act in fear or lie to protect myself.  Fenrir represents the forces of my life that would cause me to compromise my foundation.  Something I cannot afford to do.  To keep him in his chains and prevent him, from a long a possible, doing so is my goal with my Foundational Virtues.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

I have struggled with Honor the past few days.  I am starting to get frustrated as to how little is happening in my life right now. The fact is this blog and doing the necessary things in life are difficult for me.  I don’t like my mental state right now about myself or my future. Fenrir threatens to engulf me. I cannot let that happen.

The blog continues to be my way of keeping to the path more than anything else.  I have found that there is an honor in creation and the discipline if sitting down to write every day keeps things remotely focused at least.  I want to get back walking and training for that long hike too.  I need more tools in my box to fight The Grey.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

Courage is not as great a problem as Honor.  I feel like though Perseverance and Courage are overlapping right now.  I keep getting up, doing what I need to do each day, hoping it will get better. I am not sure sometimes if my getting up every morning is and act of courage, perseverance or both some days. The thing I am determined to do is outlast my own personal Fenrir.  The Valkyries can have me but not him.  I will work very hard to never be afraid of him.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

I find myself silent a lot. Nuff’ Said.

I have written down many ideas for my non-fiction book.  The problem is the one theme that comes up over and over again is to write a book about religion and what a fraud it is. I also find the Nine Noble Virtues as a theme. I don’t know if either one of these is valid.  I am trying to be respectful of people who are religious, but at the same time I the fraud and bullshit of it all should be confronted and boy could I do that job. Particularly with Christianity.

Latin is probably going to have to be reserved for a three times a week thing on the weekly routine.  It takes up a lot of time than I expected but I have enjoyed the opening thoughts behind why I should learn Latin.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I am writing on Love tomorrow for Of Wolves and Ravens.  I will save most of my thoughts until then.  Love though is keeping me going right now at times.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Breakfast, Medications and Supplements.
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

This is working well,  I had no problems with it this week.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Walking On

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

Happy April Fools.  That said you won’t get an April fools joke from me. I prefer a more traditional approach to All Fool’s Day.  Everything backwards or upside down.  Next year this will be my day to do something out of character and do something truly risk taking.  Smoke a Joint, Get Drunk, Go to a nudist resort, etc.  Something where I throw the virtues to the wind for one day and live life a little risky. Something where the socially unacceptable becomes normal for one day.  I have a year to plan it so this should be interesting.

This year, however, today marks the second day of my ‘walking on’  I have realigned my compass, taken a look at my map and conformed a more clear route and I am now taking steps on it. Journey of Life resumed.

Implementing everything is going to probably take the entire week to really get going.  I have tested the morning routine and it is solid like before. Now I have three days off from work from Tuesday to Thursday where I plan on implementing the rest. The problem of course with it is things need to be set up for some things to be routine. Learning Latin. for instance needs a little work to decided how to proceed step by step o the days off will allow me to do that. By the end of the week I should have all of that done and be moving forward.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

I feel valued these days at work and by the few friends I have left. I feel positive about my future. I sometimes struggle with myself.  Throwing off the whole light verses darkness thing and just being a man walking in life as a human being has been a difficult but necessary transition.  It is also one where I feel far more at peace.

The daily blogging hits a half a year with this post. A milestone for which I am giving no fanfare. Half a year to go. To be ready for the hiking trip is going to require training and acquiring some gear. Planning and scheduling.  My walks at least three days a week are the first steps.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

The concept of fear being a choice has changed a lot of things for me. Danger is a real thing but fear is a reaction that can be controlled. I have a lot of things to do that will require courage in the next few months so I need to keep making these choices.

I did make one change to the goal here to make it one a year for the bucket list as many of my bucket list items are now more long-term goals. I actually have two that need to be completed by next year at this same time so this should be easy.  Hungary and Budapest awaits, but it will probably be a few years yet.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

Honesty is really not my problem.  Bluntness is. I am glad I added the part about learning to be silent in the presence of Fools.  I find myself getting involved in less and less social media discussions. If it wasn’t for writing and memes I might not be involved at all anymore.

The writing schedule will be two days a week on the non fiction book (because it is a goal) and one day on the novel (because it is a bucket list item).  I had to dust off the Latin books and read the “How to do this’ section but I am starting to take baby steps.

Higher Virtue: Love:

When comes to Truth, Courage and Honor, I am definitely adding the notion of love here as I ask how these three express love all the time. It is a guiding virtue for me in these regards.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Breakfast, Medications and Supplements.
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

Love this now. It allows me to use the beginning of the day to think, plan an prepare. Not hard at all.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!