Vision

“Some Special Announcements” – The Rabyd Skald

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sol’s Day!

I have to apologize for no The Pagan Pulpit this week,  but I have been wrestling with a question all day and it involves identity. The specifically is: What have I always been?  Today has been a day of thinking on this question and watching the Marvel Superhero Movies. Sometimes with my wife and sometimes alone. I was still wrestling with this question when my Facebook feed had this memory from a year ago today.  I don’t believe in fate or destiny or anything but this a remarkable coincidence and I think I have found my central answer to the question of what I have always been and always will continue to be. It is summed up in the threefold point of this quote above.

  1. To be a person who pays homage to the facts no matter where they lead him.
  2. To be a person of free and clear thinking – no gods, no masters – just reason and free thought.
  3. To be intellectually decent at all times which to me is being comfortable with “I don’t know” while at the same time saying “I am going to try to find out though”.

I have been all these things regardless of form, belief or persuasion all my life.  I strived to be these things and a believer in Christ and now as an atheist. In large part is was these things that lead me to atheism when answers could not be found in my faith.  Or when I painfully concluded that my faith was a glorious fiction or worse completely false.

These three principles have been my core since I first picked up a comic book and saw representations of heroes who despite all the powers they were granted tried above all to be true to the ethics and morals that made them into heroes. Get past the special effects and you get a very human core.

Today I have decided to continue to follow them and remind myself of them more often.  The Virtues remain because they are reflections fo these central tenents of life. But I also have always been a preacher and teacher and this is something I wish to be again.  The pulpit, lectern, and message may change; but to proclaim what I feel is factual, true and right remains a passion.

With this reminder of this continuing commitment I have a few announcements:

  1. The Grey Wayfarer will continue much as it is except I am pretty much breaking it down to be a journal of my progress.  The Pagan Pulpit, Of Wolves and Ravens, Odin’s Eye, Freya’s Chambers, and my three Journal Posts will remain with the occasional The Rabyd Skald thrown in. But this is going to be it here because I want to turn my attention to my writing for publication and another project I will announce shortly.
  2. The rest of this week will however not have journal posts or the normal slate of posts, rather I want to finish out all my ficitonal series on this blog. I am doing this to clear my slate and give myself a little philosophical downtime.
  3. I want my family to know that up till now I have been very passive with my anti-theism and my conviction that belief in God or gods or whatever as a means to base your life is nonsense.  That changes today where my anti-theism, while it will remain compassionate, is going to turn active. Very active. All of you are free to believe as you see fit but understand I will be working hard to show that Christianity is false, that the Bible is just a book and a bad one at that, and that we would be better off without religion in our lives.  I am sure some of you will not like what I am about to do as you are believers, but I feel compelled by reason and intellectual honesty to do this.
  4. By active I mean I will be writing books to this effect, I will be blogging here with the desire at times to show how any person can live without god very well; thank you, and I will be joining organizations that oppose religion in politics and government.  I also am about to start at least one new project devoted to this task.
  5. That project will be to start a YouTube channel as a new more vocal pulpit for my viewpoint.  I don’t any specifics yet, or if it will even work, but I feel compelled to convince anyone who will listen to give up the make-believe and start living in the real world.   I am particularly focused on young people who are considering the ministry as a career and being apologists for the Christian faith.  All religion is poison to me and I want to tell people why using this platform.

If I can convince one young person to not follow my mistake, give up the ministry and embrace doing something truly useful for humanity, then I will consider my mission a success.  Of course, the more I can convince the better.  I also hope to make some money with this to at least justify my time doing it.

My main goal is to get back to being a preacher and proclaimer of what I feel is reasonable, factual, truly free in thought in a spirit of intellectual decency.  That “I don’t know” is a good thing to say when it is true and yet maintain that insatiable curiosity I had since I was old enough to read and look at the word with inquiring eyes. I am simply a pilgrim on this journey we call life, and I don’t think I can enjoy it as much if I don’t take the opportunities presented to warn people of my mistakes and false understandings of the world.  To tell people what are dangerous paths to take and the dead ends seem like a decent thing to do from this traveler of life to others.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Year’s End” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Journal Entry:

It should be noted, that for me new years and years end from a calender sense do not mean as much to me. My philosophy has always been that the day you are thinking about doing something is the day to act on it.  If you wait till later, it will fade and you will find yourself not doing it.  My year cycle goes from April to March which coincides with my birthday.   That is mostly about the assessment of progress and making adjustments to goals and my bucket list.

That said as I am starting to look back at 2019. I can say at least it wasn’t shitty for me.  Not what I wanted completely but it didn’t suck like 2018 or cause grief like 2017.  The two things that bother me right now is I felt I would have a new job by now and that I would have crossed at least one thing off my bucket list by now.   The deadline is March 2020, but those were the things I wanted to get off my list before the end of 2019.

I suppose it could still happen but I am thinking it will be early 2020 that those things will happen and so 2019 has been the same ole for the entire year.  It is the part I have found most frustrating.  But this week is about looking at my bucket list and I am trying to remind myself that I still have three months left.  it really isn’t ‘year’s end’ for me yet.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).  (achieved)

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

The real issue here is once I  get a new job, I want to start planning on how to gain the hiking equipment I need to start planning for day hikes, weekend hikes and eventually this hike. As a hobby, hiking is less expensive than most but getting good durable equipment will be my first issue.  After that its all about planning and getting some experience.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

Money rears its ugly head on this item too.  I mean vacations are not that difficult to save for if you have some disposable income.  This has a ten-year time limit; well, nine years now.  I suppose this year’s end is a reminder that the clock is ticking.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Honestly Pursue, Accept and Speak Truth to All who will Listen.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in the year 2020.

This is a new item and begins at year’s end.  I need to start planning this one out at least a month at a time.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I think for the purpose of self-love, I need to have a bucket list item crossed off very soon. I need 2020 to be a good year.  I really need that at this point.

Morning Routine:

  1. Stretching / Yoga
  2. Shower, Personal Hygiene, Breakfast, Morning Meds.
  3. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  4. Meditation – 5 min.
  5. Check Communications and Email.
  6. Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

My routines are good and next week I will look at them specifically.  But mostly it is the execution that needs to be better.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Ghost Dryad” – Rogue Wizard – The Fire of Fury – Part 22

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sol’s Day!

Rogue Wizard’s Journal – November 5th, 2019

Yesterday I spoke about what happened according to my girls after I was hit with the death spell by the necromancer Death Angels.  I need to now speak about what happened to me while unconscious because it needs to be written down before the nature of it slips away.   Before my emotions about it swallow up the memory of it.

I spoke before of how my consciousness slipped away and I fell down ‘dead’.  I found though that I was not feeling too much death, but rather peace and love. It was a strange feeling and then as I lay there with my eyes closed I heard a voice.

“Edward”

I knew that voice instantly and in my excitement, my eyes fluttered open.  I was shocked at what I saw because I wasn’t in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan anymore. I was in The Red Tree Grove.  Like it was when I was young.  Full of life, trees, ferns, birds, squirrels, and bright colors. There was the tree not too far away.  Large like an oak, but covered in red maple leaves and white birch like bark.  A truly unique tree. Majestic and making anyone standing next to it feel small and very young.

My eye focused however on the throne part of the tree was in front of.  There she was sitting – Elpis.  She was covered in the same birch park skin as the tree so it was hard at first to see her but the red hair like the color of the tree’s leaves set her off a little.

She stood up and walked toward me and as she did the bark skin was shed and revealed the naked woman beneath.  Her body was short but the kind of sensual curvy that made a lump in my throat every time. Large breasts with cute nipples and nice curvy backside.  Her round face dripped innocence but eyes that were deep and spoke of long years of life but youth at the same time. Her hair was brown, but it could have been any color she liked.  She changed the color and length often.  Her smile beamed right into my heart.

She was not so much the gorgeous dryad of legend but the young teen girl and ancient matron all rolled into one. The experience of meeting Elpis is something people do not forget. I know the first time I did, I fell hopelessly in love with her.

“Hello Edward, it is good to see you again. You got old. Still, look good though”

For the first time, I realized I was naked myself and for once felt old.  The last time I was in her presence I had been eighteen. Now my body had suffered the years of a few decades of mortality.  I hoped at that moment I wasn’t a disappointment to her. But there was an old deep emotion that began to take over in me.  I crossed the few feet that separated us and took her in my arms and hugged her.  Crushed her really and kissed her hard. When the kiss stopped I whispered in her ear.

“I love you.”

“I love you too Edward.”

She kissed me this time and then breaking away she took me by the hand and led me to the side of the tree where we used to make love.  She pulled me close to her and we made love again.  I will not speak of the details here.  That is my memory and one I will cherish for all my remaining life.  When we were done she spoke again as we lay in each other’s arms on the soft grass.

“Well Edward, you are still good at that. Better actually”

“I had a good woman teach me.  She was wonderful and gentle with me. I have missed her.”

Elpis teared up but then she took a breath and spoke.

“I don’t have much time. I can’t maintain this reality much longer and soon I will be gone. The powers have granted us this one moment to say goodbye for good.”

I began to cry and she took me in her arms again.

“I took the death ray for you, Edward.  I possessed you and took the death intended for you. You will live, but I am now finally dead and at peace.  My regret is that I will have to leave you behind again.  I don’t know if we will see each other again.  I don’t know so many things about what is after death.  I do know that you will go back to Lunette and Amber and you need to love them and let them love you.  The moment you live is all you really have so live life.”

“Elpis, there is so much I want to say.”

“Edward, sweet Edward.  There is no time.  ‘I love you’ is enough. close your eyes.”

I closed them reluctantly taking in one last look at Elpis’ face.

“I love you, Edward.”

“I love you, Elpis.”

I felt her lips against mine as we held each other in the grass and then the feelings of her body and lips next to mine faded away.  When I awoke, she and the grove were completely gone and I was laying on an open empty field that stretched as far as I could see. I began to weep. I wish things had turned out very differently. So much do I wish that.

It wasn’t but a few moments that I felt the tug of mortality pulling me back to the real world. When I woke up, I had Amber hovering over me and she started to cry as she held me.  I was crying too, but for a very different reason.

I am alive because of Elpis’ sacrifice.  I guess she lived up to her name after all by giving me hope in the midst of death.

I am a little emotionally distraught after writing this so I will break for now and try to write the rest tomorrow.

Writer’s Notes:

This was a hard part to write.  The emotions were pretty high on this one. Elpis is a character based on Miss Salty and the connection is very emotional.  I never built a  series like the Hedge Wizard of Redberg which contained: 1) Love for a woman, 2) My own life and 3) my favorite genre of fantasy fiction – urban fantasy.  It was a labor of love for someone and I never have done that before.  It ended abruptly when the whole affair between Miss Salty and I came to light.  I had to literally delete the blog and everything on it because people were reading it as reality. 

Which is why I make this final note. There is no love scene in either the Hedge Wizard of Redberg or Rogue Wizard that has ever been real.  They are fantasy, perhaps longing and desire at times, but never real life. 

Now, I truly do need to take a break.  But I wanted to send Elpis off as she deserved –  a heroine with a deep love for Edward at the end. As a character, she was a labor of love I will never forget. I did weep like this when Miss Salty left me and now I will probably at least cry again.  There are a few more scenes to Epilogue this series and bring closure, but Elpis had more act to play and I sent her out the way I wanted to, the way she deserved, and not by someone else’s hand.

Elpis means “Hope”.  

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Lonely Milestones” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 24

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day!

Introduction:

I know some of you are probably expecting Space Tramp and I do apologize for not having it this week.  I am really struggling with inspiration for writing and the issue of my muse is going to come up soon in my writing.  Its why I am trying to finish both Rogue Wizard and Space Tramp in the next couple of months because I am trying to get a completely new fantasy series going that creates a muse of sorts.  Or more concretely explores the topic of inspiration so I can find a source for it that is more consistent.

I have a few things to talk about in this edition of The Grey and The Wayfarer.   1) Some Milestones for the Blog, 2) My Loneliness and 3) A Personal Reflection on Therapy.

Blog Milestones:

Some good news upfront.  1) This blog actually past 500 posts a couple of weeks ago.  Now I can say I do have a bit of content.  2) Yesterday I hit the 100 WordPress follower mark.  I want to thank everyone for reading and following.

My Loneliness:

The Grey for the last few weeks has brought about loneliness I can’t describe other than to say that no matter what I do I can’t shake the feeling.  I don’t know if it is the realization of mortality or perhaps simply a broken heart still bleeding on the inside. I miss some people being in my life more consistently but there is the need in my heart for someone who truly gets me.

I either did have that for a few months in 2018 or thought I did and I miss it terribly. There is still a hole in my life from a relationship that is now gone and I am still dealing with it.  It’s the same observation that I have had that I long for a relationship that is intimate on a more instinctual emotional level.  But my heart is guarded by attack dogs, a wall of Trust No One and staying distant for fear of being hurt again.

I hate being INFJ where you can read other emotions on people like a book and even have my own emotions mimic theirs.  The only time I know what I am truly feeling is when I am alone and then when I try to express it verbally to others, it comes garbled or not at all because I don’t want to trouble others with my feelings. Only writing them seems to work.

The lonely wanderer is who I am and I both love and hate it. There is a wisdom to it.  There is loneliness I can’t describe to it as well.  I am glad I have a support group, a job coach and a therapist to talk me through things. But at the same time, they can’t fix my problems, I have to do that.

Therapy Reflections:

Of course, some of you are wondering at this point – ‘what about his wife?”  My wife is a wonderful person and I know she loves me and I love her.  It is just with all the changes to me and my outlook on life I am starting to feel trapped again by this marriage.  There is no common core goal for this marriage anymore and that is largely my fault because I am the one that has changed so much.  I like change – life is a journey of constant change and I embrace that and it is hard to live with someone who would rather have stability and security.  Nothin wrong with those things, they just are not me anymore.  They also are not real to me anymore.

This is why even though our relationship is much better as far as friendship and intimacy, it still leaves something to be desired from my perspective.  Once again because of my changed worldview.  My wife and I got married because we were Christians and called into the ministry and everyone told us we would be good ministry partners. We were also secretly personally guilt driven into marriage because we were having sex for months before we were married. In the mindset we were brought up in; once you fuck you better get married or you’re sinning against a holy god. There was no consideration of compatibility or common interest.  It is why some look at us and don’t get it. I at times feel that way too.

That is why in therapy the majority of focuses on what my new identity is now to deal with the loneliness question and a lot of questions on how to make this marriage work despite widely diverging values.  My wife seems content but I know I am restless.  Very restless. I don’t want to get to the point where I hate my life and marriage and all that goes with them again.  But if something doesn’t change soon, that is where I will be.  I know myself much better now and the danger is very real.

Thanks for reading all that if you did.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Learning to Dream Again” – A Skald’s Life -Business Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Thor’s Day! 

Journal Entry:

I spoke with my job counselor yesterday and said something along the lines that I never thought I would be asking the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up at 50 years old.  She told me I was doing fine and that it was far more normal than most people think.  We are living longer and the notion of doing only one thing for all one’s life is fading fast. People have a chance to dream multiple times not just once.

I only have one goal left under business and it is the big one. – finding a new, better paying job by March 2020.  It is essential to some of my other goals. Thankfully through The Clergy Project, I finally have some help and I have decided to approach the goal more organically and figure out what it is my dream for me again.

Self-Reliance:

“Self-Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved when each person is their own master and no one else’s’ .”

Principle: To walk in the spirit of independence by being my own master and no one else’s

Goal:  Find a new, better paying job by March 2020.

Bucket List: To be a published author of at least five books by March 2029

So what is my dream for me?  That is the question but now I have more than the question but an actual plan of how to answer it. This is generating a little bit more hope than usual and that is a good thing.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with the enjoyment of work itself.

Goal: Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019 (achieved)

Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published by March 2022.

Goal Achieved

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: To share out of my abundance to help people where I can with their life’s journey.

Goal: By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.  (Goal Achieved

Bucket List: To own my own home by March 2024.

Goal Achieved

Higher Virtue – Justice:

If I get a job where I am doing better than I ever was in the ministry would be the first step to finding justice for myself.  I may never see the people who wronged me face consequences for their actions, but if I find some prosperity after all wasted sacrifices for others, then I will feel some sense of justice has come to me.

Work Day Routine:

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, templates
  4. Weightlifting: Gym time – 1 hour after work.
  5. Writing: 1000 words/day.
  6. Reading – 1/7 of a book a day
  7. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, job search, other actions, etc.
  8. Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
  9. Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 2

I need to focus on these routines better so probably I will be moving fro ma four-week rotation on these journal posts to a five-week with the added week focusing on the routines to modify them.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Meditations – Secondary Identity: ?” – The Rabyd Skald

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Woden’s (Odin) Day!

I am becoming very certain that my primary identity being a writer is solid the more I think about it.  Now the question of secondary identity or identities begins to present itself. It is a big question mark but it is made clearer by the simple fact I now can see it is something I do to make money and live not as my primary thing.

That, however, does not tell me what it should be but perhaps what I need to be is open to the possibilities instead of looking for certainty. Perhaps there is still this need to be meditatively open to what lies ahead and let things run their course as far as what I should be open to being seeing that this issue is not what compliments my writer career not the other way around.  It means that certain things need to be in place.

  1. I need time to write so the job I get must be not so time-consuming that I can’t write every day.
  2. I need something that pays well so I am not eating beans and rice if writing does not go well. I have lived too long to not have plans B, C to the end of the alphabet.
  3. It should be something that compliments writing if possible.

I don’t really want to write things down at this point as even possibilities. I don’t even want to brainstorm because I want to find this out by being open and meditating on it.

Now, I want to be clear that I will still be applying for jobs that I qualify for.  The issue at this point is not trying to direct this thing and be open to whatever does present itself. That said being proactive means looking for job opportunities and applying for them. But this might open my horizons as to applying for more things I might not have thought of as possibilities.  The issue now is to be open and available to any idea that will meet my criteria.

All that said, I still am meditating on Identity because Primary and Secondary aside, everything comes together in overall identity.  I am one me.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Meditations – Primary Identity: Writer” – The Rabyd Skald

/ Ed Raby Sr / 2 Comments

Happy Mani’s Day

In the Last Rabyd Skald, I basically stated that I needed to probably do some meditations on who I am.  It is a question I have not been avoiding but struggling with since my departure from my former role as minister and Christian.  I would say the Chrisitan part being replaced by “Deistic Humanistic Pagan” has been pretty solid and that identity has not been hard to grab ahold of so much as the implications of that change are still something I am coming to terms with on a daily basis.  The real problem is my role as minister being replaced by what?

For a while, I have had this idea of being a business person of some sort and being a writer on the side.  It is a practical choice because money is a real thing that you need to live life. I also have to deal with the fact the ministry has left me broke and without any retirement to speak of, so there is a need to make some money to make up for that. But that is a rational decision and to be blunt only listens to one of my ravens – Reason.  What about Wisdom? It also brings up the question of will my wolves be satisfied with such a role? Will I truly be getting what I need or want?

So my meditations have turned inward.  What is the call of my heart and what is the course that is wisest as far as encompassing my whole being?

I have to give a shout out to a fellow blogger from the other side of the world (the internet is an amazing place isn’t it) who on my last post on this issue wrote that perhaps I should simply ask the universe and wait to see what happens. You can check her out at Myst Nokomis.  I know I have found her observations interesting and at times inspiring. She is actually a blogger that I read regularly.

My conception of what she said in my mind is a little different but I get what she means and so I said to myself.  “Perhaps it is time to just silence myself in meditation and listen.”

Oddly enough the first thought that struck me is one word “Writer”.  Now the trick to being open in meditation is not to recoil at the thoughts that come to mind.  I have often said I am a writer but I have always placed it secondary to what other things I am pursuing.  The thought I had in that meditation session was that perhaps I have this backward.  That ultimately I am a writer first and something else second to pay the bills.  That what I should be focusing on is my writing and then focussing on an occupation that is complementary to that. Something that harmonizes with being a writer, not making my writing harmonize with something else.  Writing becoming the melody of my life and what other things I do becoming harmony to use a musical analogy.

I think I might be on to something as this feeds my wolves and it seems a wiser course of action.  It still has rationality to it, because if end up doing something I hate, I will not make progress in it. Writing has always been a love and something I do to express myself fully.  People who meet me personally, never get the full story as I pull back into myself.  I have trust issues born from painful experiences.  When I write, that inhibition leaves. Like all INFJs it is my artistic/non-verbal way of expressing myself that is true.

The main issue then is to be about the business of being a writer and that involves a few things but most notably setting aside times to write above and beyond the blogging that are substantial  Like at least an hour or two a day. I guess what I should start to get in my mind is writing on this blog is kind of my writing warm-up.  Then its time to be working on some projects for publication.

I have long mentioned I am a big fan of the science fiction author Robert A. Heinlein.  In the book Grumbles from the Grave, a letter where he answered the question of why he wrote is preserved.  His three-fold answer was:

  1. Make Money
  2. Entertain Readers
  3. Make People Think

As I have meditated on this over the years in think he had the right of it.  The first priority of a writer is how to support himself and his family by writing, the other two are means to that because if no one likes what you write then they won’t buy it.  If they buy what you write you won’t really be impactful unless you throw something in that makes people think, it leads to long-term success.  This is the right priority, any other way is just high minded idealism that won’t amount to much in all three categories.

This change will require more meditation, but I think I am on the right path, it certain resonates with my wolves and ravens philosophy; better than some career, then a writing career as secondary.  I think this needs to be switched and then I can look at my identity from the proper perspective.

Just a blog note to end things: there will be a post later today for my serial: Space Tramp, but I might be doing these meditation posts in place of journal posts this week.  My identity has become an important issue and I want to make sure I get this right.  So you might see two posts today, Odin’s Day and Frigg and Freya’s Day.  One a post like this at 10 am and the other some fiction writing at 4 pm. At least for this week.  

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Taking A Few Deep Breaths” – The Rabyd Skald

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day

These last two weeks have been interesting and challenging. I was in the doctor’s office on Thursday and as always a little anxious. I was there for my routine checkup and consultation. But as I waited I did some thinking.  I have had the following experiences this last couple of weeks.

  1. I have had more denials from potential employers in the last ten days than in a couple months previously.  It’s like all the applications I filed came back with nulls.
  2. At my current employer, I was passed over for a job and it was given to someone with no experience whatsoever.
  3. I have had another bout with The Grey and while it was not severe. The cause was known, however.
  4. I have had a doctor’s appointment and while a lot of the news was good, there was some news that reminded me I am getting older.   And that sucks by the way.
  5. The End of August marks one year that my wife and I have been back together after our separation last summer and that has lead to some very reflective moments about my marriage.

This post is about taking a few deep breaths and looking at each of these a little reflectively and spiritually.

Deep Breath. 

I guess I have to say the whole job situation has caused me to look at the basic fact that I have not really discovered what my new identity is. It is in-process both practically and spiritually and so there is that.  Mostly though the practical concerns will start to become forefront issues in the next couple of months I don’t find something better. For now, though my meditations center on who am I?

Deep Breath.

The decision at work at first angered me and then I just felt disrespected. It was like really, could have slapped all of us from the department any harder, especially those of us that work hard over here and have management experience?  Then I took a breath, realized that this is not my place, I am in my heart looking to move on to something better, so I might as well get about it.

Deep Breath.

My bought with The Grey recently was brought about by a song played on the radio at work. It was my song to Miss Salty and it triggered the whole mess of feelings involved in that.  One thing they never seem to mention about being empathic is that emotions experienced in certain situations stay and lay dormant until something triggers them and then there you are all over again. Which triggers a whole lot of meditation on the problem.  My most recent meditations have led me to a question: What exactly is The Grey?

Depression?  It involves depression but there is that switch that goes off to protect me from the sadness so I feel nothing. In that state, am I depressed or something else entirely?  I think I might have had an introspective moment because of this that might lead to an awakening.   I hope so.

Deep Breath.

I took a lot of those deep breaths before I met my new doctor. I just passed 50 so the protocol becomes: ‘You need this test done, you need to start this medication as a diabetic.’  I am like – what is this malevolent magic that took place where all this was unnecessary at age 49 and 364 days but one day later, a whole list of evil fairies have comes and makes you vulnerable to a whole new crops of shit. I hope my new doctor is a good salesman and explains things well, because if you don’t sell me – Yeah, fuck that shit.

The problem is that all my health indicators indicate I am healthier than I was last year, but somehow my medicines need to be increased and new treatments engaged for possible problems down the road. I hate American medicine, they either engage in damage control after the fact or their definition of preventative medicine is purely put more pills in your body. Not my thoughts on how to approach my health.

Deep Breath.

I don’t take too much for granted when it regards my marriage.  Our reconciliation is in truth a work in progress. I simply acknowledge here that It still might not work, something I started when we first decided to go down this path to my family and something I remind myself of right now. I want it very much to work, don’t get me wrong. But I also acknowledge the struggle in my heart between how much do I have to give up as far as my personal happiness to stay married? I shouldn’t be looking at it that way should I, but I am, and that is very troubling to me.

  1. My wife and I have very different values now.  That is basically because I ‘fuck it’ to my former faith and she has not.  What is important to me is very different than what is important to her.  And it is growing more divided.
  2. Our goals are very different and trying to find common ground either involves a lot of compromises or straight up, from my perspective, me giving up a lot of my goals entirely.  I am growing weary of having to give up what I desire simply to make my family and friends happy, and that is exactly the state of mind I was in that caused me to walk away a year ago. Not good.
  3. I now know what aspects of a relationship with a woman I am missing and still desire. It creates a longing in my heart that I cannot seem to shake.

Deep Breath.

I think it is time to look within.  Discover who I am again and out of that might flow a lot of answers.  It is time to awaken and to take that first breath of who I am now.  It is time to find that person and become them.

Deep Breath.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Odin – The All-Father” (Asatru Part 7) – The Pagan Pulpit

/ Ed Raby Sr / 2 Comments

Happy Sol’s Day

Announcements:

We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods, goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.

We also don’t take an offering here.  We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it.  Let’s be honest, offerings are not given to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it.  Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never sees a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.

Theme Song: Old High German: Wotan chant

This is actually a chant that is found on a site that teaches people about the German language and the translation is in the description. Wotan is another name for Odin.

Meditation:

 

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To be truly spiritual and even a genuine person in general, one needs to recognize that each person’s question of who they are and what they should be doing is individual. The question is different for all of us and the riddle of life is answering the one we actually have, not the one everyone says we should have.

Text:

See the source image

If you want more details about Asatru, I can’t recommend this book enough.

Sermon: “Odin – The All-Father”

Odin, Wotan, etc. He is known all across the Scandinavian and Germanic world by many names. A couple things are clear in all the stories and myths.  1) Odin is the chief deity and 2) He is very unlike the other supreme deities like Zeus and Jupiter in that he does not lord it over people or rule by decree.  Rather, he takes on the problems himself and does what he needs to do to overcome them.  He leads by example more than orders.

It is only natural that Asatru would embrace him.  From a spiritual standpoint, his essence is summed up very well in the title ‘All-Father.”  To the followers of Asatru, Odin is the speaker of the Havamál a collection of his wise sayings.  He is the god most associated with words and language so it is no surprise that he has many names.

Paxton rightly points out there is a duality to Odin.  One the one hand there is power, anger, war, and aggression on the other side there the god of magic, wisdom and spiritual deepness.  On the one hand, you have the armored king on his throne with spear and crown.  On the other hand, he is also the grey cloaked, broad-brimmed hat-wearing wanderer.  There is an air of power and mystery to Odin as he is both warrior and mage.

His accomplishments in the mythology are large.  1) All-Father – creator of mankind. 2) He is king of the gods, but in practice, he seems to be more of a chairman of the board of gods.  Each god or goddess being fiercely independent. 3) He trades his eye for wisdom and foresight. 4) He acquires the Mead of Poetry from giants. 5) He hangs from the world tree upside down for nine days to discover the knowledge of the runes. Odin, in short, has a bad-ass list of accomplishments in Norse Mythology. He is also the god who never turns his back on humanity or being a part of wandering among them.

These days, according to Paxton. heathens invoke prayers to Odin still, even if they serve other gods more fervently, they still pay respect to the All-Father.  Most Odinsmen and Odinswomen are people who work with words.  Paxton advises against, however, asking him for victory.  He is, after all, a god that is even willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good.  He expects the same from his followers and would have no problem leading one into defeat if it meant forstalling Ragnarok.  He is a strong and powerful figure and is treated with respect by the followers of Asatru.

As I mentioned before, I don’t think one needs to actually believe in the Norse Gods as real to be a follower of Asatru.  What you do have to respect is how their stories pull you back to your ancestors’ view of the world and what they valued. When it comes to the ideas they valued most in a leader, Odin is the perfect representation. He is strong, listens to the counsel of others, is willing to take the lead and sacrifice himself to get what he needs to be successful.  When a battle comes, he leads from the front. He speaks little but acts boldly whether those actions are out in the open or clandestine. He has the long term in mind. The greater vision if you will.

You don’t have to do much more than come to my blog and see the title and the imagery I use for it, to know I place great value on what Odin represents. I would say my image of myself as a man has strong parallels with Odin.  I work to be strong but also wise. I like to read and write mostly because it allows me to hear the counsel of others. If there is some greater good to be achieved, I will sacrifice myself, although I am trying to do that only when absolutely necessary. When battle comes I like to be out front not only leading but fighting along the sides of those I lead.  I never forget where I come from. I prefer to remain quiet and let my actions speak for me. I tend to see the bigger picture and act accordingly.  Odin is if anything a good example of leadership values and characteristics I try to emulate in my own life.

That of course and the image of the grey pilgrim who wanders but is not lost is the whole essence of the blog – The Grey Wayfarer.

Parting Thought:

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I would say some stories I have seen are written in both. Sometimes blood is used as the ink too.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Uncharted Territory” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and the Wayfarer – Part 14

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

‘

Happy Tyr’s Day

This week hasn’t been too bad as far as The Grey.  The most specific thing I have to watch is my relationships because I may be negatively affecting them without intending to do so. I have never had a problem focusing on work or going to work with the Grey.  It just makes some of my relationship issues more difficult.  In fact, work is often a welcome thing as it helps me move along through it.

Right now I have an itch I need to scratch and it involves boarding the ship and sailing somewhere else and starting over.  Finding out what is over the horizon line is a big thing in my heart right now.  What is the uncharted territory for me personally?

To be honest part of this is the excitement of starting over but a good part of it is the hatred I am starting to develop for where I am now. I hate not being able to trust anyone. Being reminded at every turn what I used to be and what I did is not a comfortable situation for me. I am no longer the cowering lamb but rather a raging wolf and I need to find a new pack and take the lead.

See the source image

There are some problems with just picking up and leaving.

  1. Family – kids and grandkids are nearby right now but we wouldn’t be the first family separated by a distance that made it work and technology is such that we can keep very much in touch.
  2. My wife – I would be pulling her from her support system.  The rest is between me and her.  It is, however, the concern of mine I have the most.
  3. Fear – yeah, tired of being afraid and not trying something new.  Playing it safe has gotten me nowhere so far.

There are those advantages of starting over:

  1. The chances I would run into someone I really would rather not run into diminishes significantly.
  2. The opportunities become much greater and multifaceted. I can follow my heart.
  3. Courage – Yeah, one of my virtues actually acted upon. Yeah, that works.
  4. Where I want to go ha a warmer climate and a lot more people.  That second part might seem like a downside to an introvert, but it means I can probably find a new crop of friends easier. The first part means more sunshine and that helps with The Grey.
  5. O need a major change or I am going to have a repr=eat performance of last year. I don’t want that, so time to move on.  Time to hit the uncharted territory and get on with my life.

What remains is figuring out how to do it. That, however, is just the details and the packing list for the hold so to speak. What matters to me is the vision I have of being in the bow of the ship, sword in hand and ready for something else to conquer.

This will be the only post today.  I have other things to attend to today and I need some time to work ahead anyway.  But noted more things are coming, especially if I feel better from all this Grey because I am moving.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!