It is hard to believe but I haven’t written a The Grey and the Wayfarer post since early Yuletide. I have been busy enough; I think, to keep The Grey at least in check in my life and continue to walk the path. Recent days have seen a change in my mind I guess and mostly it is due to the fact that at this time last year, I began to start a time of year that is now a bittersweet memory. Mostly bitter in the end. It is not just a time of memory and struggle for me, but for my wife as well. There is a flood of emotions about these memories for both of us and they run the whole spectrum, but mostly I notice that they have a depressive effect for me.
I think the best way to walk this path through The Grey is to firstly know that these memories are not just going to go away. Ignoring them will not help me; nor will pretending they do not exist. That just leads to a worse mental state and that is not going to help. There is a lot of guilt associated with many of them now, and I need to work through them to get over that. Personally, I know it is going to be rough but I need to walk through it to make myself a better man on the other side of it.
The second thing I think needs to happen is that new good memories need to be created. I have two significant milestones coming up during this time: 1) My 50th birthday – personally I don’t care if it celebrated, and I am not sure given last year who would come to such a thing, but it is a significant thing to be a half a century old. 2) My wife and I will celebrate our 30th anniversary on June 10th. Given that we spent last anniversary apart, I think it is very important that we celebrate this one and do it together. I guess I would rather see a celebration here by family as well for a lot of reasons. Mostly we need a celebration of our love for each other.
In the meantime, every day is a journey of another step toward where I want to be. There are many forks and crossroads ahead. I need to make wise decisions as to which path to take. The problem of course with The Grey, and why I am taking it pretty seriously right now, is that it is like an overcast sky that can make the things unclear and not as illuminated as they could be as I choose which path to take. It is why I stick to my plans and goals with discipline, despite what I feel at times, so I keep moving.
The one writing note I have at this time is that I am planning on doing some fiction writing soon. It has just been a little difficult to get my Muse to kick my ass into gear about it. I don’t know, she might be asleep or on vacation. In any case though, I have a lot of time off from work next week; and unless that changes, I plan on filling that with school, continuing my job search and writing fiction.
Thanks to all that read this blog. You are appreciated.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.
We also don’t take an offering here. We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it. Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it. Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.
Opening Song: “Blame Canada” by Robin Williams (South Park)
One of my favorite moments of Robin’s career and oddly enough a song I have been singing from time to time these days. I play a lot of a PC game called The Long Dark. it basically an apocalypse simulator where a freak magnetic storm destroys all electronics and your plane crashes in the Canada wilderness. You task is simply to survive as long as possible. As I am trekking along trying to find the next resource to survive I find myself on occasion remembering this song and singing the verse of it.
Poem: “Slow Dying Flower (poem about Robin Williams)” by Shay Callow
He was the brightest star the world had ever seen,
but no star can burn bright forever, although that was unforeseen.
He was a man who brought joy to all those around him,
so that he never had to show them how his life was grim.
He made them laugh until their stomachs hurt,
even though inside he was full of despair, sadness and disconcert.
Like a clown, his smile was painted on,
only when he removed it did you see the wretchedness in his deep blue eyes; that’s when it dawned
that he was a slow dying flower,
fading petal by petal and losing power
until the day he’d been poisoned enough by this ghastly world,
and he died once and for all by his own hand – that’s when the truth of his life really unfurled.
Meditation:
Song of Preparation: ‘Why Do We Read and Write Poetry’ by Robin Williams (scene from Dead Poets Society).
I figured the man who said the quote today should be the one to say it. plus he adds his own commentary which is nice. It is a great disappointment to me that Robin didn’t win the best actor award in a leading role. He should have with this performance.
Text: What We stay Alive For – Robin Williams
“Medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.”
Robin Williams – “Dead Poets Society”
Sermon:
“O captain, my captain!” I can’t tell you how much the Dead Poets Society shaped my life. I still difficulty watching it as it is very sad, but if has a theme it is what Robin’s character is trying to get across the entire movie – seize the day, live life, find something that makes life worth living. Write your verse and make it a good one.
I have long taken the message of this movie to heart and this quote reminds me of something I need to remember. There are many things we do to sustain our lives but there also needs to be the things we live for otherwise life isn’t worth a damn. There are many things that are noble pursuits but if you can’t get up and have something to live for then you’re going to struggle.
In my life right now i have spent a lot of time setting goals and establishing the discipline I need to achieve them. But I can’t say the overall aim is simply to live. To exist. There is something in life we must have a a passion for or the reason to live will run out and we will find ourselves much like Robin himself. With no reason to continue.
I for all I am worth that no matter what life throws at me I remember that what I may be doing in life that is noble and good, I remember I need something to stay alive for. So reason beyond life’s purpose being life itself. To go from being alive to living life. May we all find that.
Closing Song: Friend like Me – Robin Williams from Aladdin
I don’t know that I will ever be able to look at Aladdin the same way again or in particular the genie without thinking of Robin Williams. This performance and animation are some of his best work. It is a pretty unforgettable song
Parting Thought:
If I take any inspiration from Robin’s life it is to always make sure I get up and not give up on myself. Something we all need to remember.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Part of my daily routine is study and working on school. As I was putting together my Evening Routine last week, I put together the practical things I needed to do for such a routine but as I went through the week I realized there was something missing – Reading for enjoyment. The need for this pressed on me as I realized that a lot of my routines are about getting things done a discipline. But part of me needs to enjoy life a bit and adding a 15 minute reading session at the end of the day right before I nod off to sleep is needed.
If there is anything I have learned about Routines is that there needs to be a part of each one I look forward to doing. Reading is something I enjoy when I have the time. I need to make the time instead and put it near the end. There is an element of this that is me escaping into another world. I need this more than most people know.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
Probably the only thing that concerns me these days regarding discipline is time. Time is the same for every person and it requires discipline to make the most of it. The issue is disciplining relaxation into things so it allows recovery. I need to look at this further, but reading in the evening routine is kind of like that. I also like to game a little on my PC and perhaps that needs to be part of the daily routine for say an hour at the end of the day too. A reward for a successful day. Something I need to look at more so that I don’t get to the end of the day and ask – how has this helped me relax and be more at peace and have no good answer.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
The job search is becoming a matter of perseverance as I seem like I am getting no where but it always seems that way right up until the interview is scheduled and then I know I can do well. It is just a matter of going forward in what seem to be failure and defeat.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
I hate when I am busy because it always makes family stuff and time with my wife seemed rushed. I don’t like that from a fidelity point of view as people in my life deserve my time.
Higher Virtue – Wisdom:
Balance is a key issue in wisdom and this has caused me to look at everything in the context of cost and benefit. I have often ask people who work a lot – “what good does that do you if you never have time to enjoy what you are building?” It is a question I stop and ask myself from time to time. At the same time if you enjoy what you’re doing then work can be a time of relaxation form a spiritual point of view.
Weekly Routine:
Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
Cleaning – 3 days a week.
Walking – 4 days a week
Writing – 4 times a week
Cheat Meal Count – Currently 2
The real issue is weightlifting and walking still. I don;t want to join a gym only to have job that does not allow me access to it anymore. I need backup plan for both that does not require a gym. A full dumbbell set might do the trick for one. The other I just need to wait for spring as I don’t have the proper gear for walking in the snow. So much hinges in improving income. It needs to be my focus along with school. The cheat meal count has dropped to the level I want it to be all the time. This is the test of whether this lifestyle can be maintained.
Evening Routine:
Take supplements and medications.
Brush and Floss Teeth
Out the Door Preparation
Reading – 15 min.
Go to Bed
Reading for 15 minutes at the end of the day. Somehow this suits me. It also might help me start working through this backlog of books I need to read. But first I got two new ones on Norse mythology. The rest of it is going surprisingly well.
Nutrition:
Nutrition is my main thing now regarding health and perhaps it is good that I don’t have the gym in some ways because it has forced me to focus on it. The fasting is easier than expected and the carb counts are good and the cheat meals. The thing is that in a couple more weeks the diet enters a very serious phase. I need to be ready for it
Weekly Recap:
Foundational – I actually feel pretty good here. I feel like my foundational virtues are good. I need more courage at times but I also think that part of my personality is not to give a shit about offense at times. these are hard virtues to practice because they are so abstract, but I do feel like I have learned to crawl so time to learn to walk in them.
Business – I don’t struggle with the virtues as much here – just the results. Mostly I need to keep disciplined about school and keep the job hunt going while enjoying and getting the most out of my current job as much as possible.
Self – It is in the end about being a better me. It is all I really can control and even then there are some elements beyond my control. Life is more like sailing in many ways. You have to take the wind as it is and make the most of your abilities to still get where you want to go. Sometimes it is at your back and other times you have to tack back and forth. Either way you keep your eyes on the prize and then find out what you need to do to get there.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
As I look to tweak my Self Virtues I can see that most of it revolves around tweaking my diet and is very much of a nutritional nature. Nutrition is probably the most challenging thing on my discipline virtue list because it isn’t a routine or once a day thing. It is a constant thing. Nutrition simply is all the time and it is probably the most important thing to grasp if you want to live longer and live better.
The first thing to note is that I have not been currently doing the intermittent fasting. I was going to do this every other week, but decided I would rather do it the all the last weeks of the diet instead. So next week I will not be eating anything from the time I go to bed to the time normally get up which is usually 1 am plus eight hours which means not eating from the time I go to bed until nine o’clock in the morning. If I ever get a normal job with normal hours I would have to adjust this accordingly, but the idea is not to eat anything for the first eight hours of being awake and while I sleep of course.
Yes, I know nutritionists are gasping in horror over no breakfast, but I have never bought into this notion of breakfast being the most important meal of the day. I know too much about the FDA and the US Department of Agriculture these days; so I know much of their nutritional advice is politically motivated to appease farmers, and that much of what has been suggested is an experiment. Much of these have failed and particularly applicable to me the advice on combating diabetes. I never got anywhere following their standard advice there, just a higher sugar score. After watching the video below, I realized my skepticism was justified and I changed course.
On a practical side this means changing my morning routine by moving two items out and moving one of them to something new – an Evening Routine. The thing that will be gone for good is breakfast. It will just be gone. I do take some medication and supplements and most of them require food; so with breakfast out, I need to take them later and I figure right before bed is the best place as my body then can utilize them while I sleep.
So basically here under Self Virtues I will add the section Evening Routine for discussion. Much of that is basically preparation for the next day, hygiene and a little nutrition. Evening Routines are problematic for me but I think this one has the best chance of working because it involves my medications and nutrition. Hopefully that will provide the motivation to do it right after I eat my last meal of the day.
The focus of all this is of course my goal of being in the best shape I can be on my 50th Birthday (March 18, 2019). How I will evaluate that is basically to stand naked in front of the mirror sometime that day and evaluate. That of course will not end nutrition or exercise for me, I will just start another one year plan for my 51st year.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
Once again I am applying discipline to something that needs it. Nutrition is a lifestyle discipline. It may make use of routines but it is an every day all day thing. It presents a great challenge to Discipline.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
Nutrition also has moments of failure. The one thing I have learned is that when you do have a moment of dietary failure is to not make it the end of the world. Pick up from there and stay true. One meal or bad choice can be countered by a bunch of good ones. Learn from the failure and move on.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
It has been a very good week in terms of my marriage. We had a date night which was fun but also as much as my wife and I struggle with things we continue to turn to each other. That is probably the greatest thing I can say because it is so different from what it was before.
Higher Virtue – Wisdom:
Making the right choices whether as far a routines, nutrition or marriage is always a question of wisdom. What is the best and wisest path? That is a question that is always before me. So far I think I am doing well in this regard. The problem with wisdom sometimes is you can’t see if a decision was a wise one until you look back at it through the eyes of hindsight.
Weekly Routine:
Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
Cleaning – 3 days a week.
Walking – 4 days a week
Writing – 4 times a week
Cheat Meal Count – Currently 3
Every time I think I am going to have enough money to do a gym membership so walking and weightlifting are back in my life, something comes up. This week it was books for school. I really need to be lifting and walking again by next week. I will have to see where I stand next Wooden’s Day.
Evening Routine:
Take supplements and medications.
Brush and Floss Teeth
Out the Door Preparation
Go to Bed
What I mean by Out the Door preparation is that if I say overslept or got called into work early, I could be ready and out the door in ten minutes. Part of this though; beyond crisis, is to have my daily paper journal ready for the next day and my meditation stuff laid out for the next morning as well. The idea is to take the time to prepare so the morning runs smoothly.
Nutrition:
One other thing as I head into next week is to reduce beverages from other things to strictly water by mid February. To do this means to reduce slowly what I drink otherwise which is usually some artificially sweetened drink of some kind. Probably at first I would say I must drink a bottle of water in between each drink of these and then increase that to two then three and then eliminate the other leaving only water after that.
Weekly Recap:
Foundational – Love, Honor, Courage, and Truth. All of these things are more than words for me. When people ask me if my morality has changed since leaving Christianity, I say no because most good ethics and morals are based on very simple principles and that’s the core of the virtues. I can’t say anything here was a problem this week. Just a time of readjustment.
Business – Business is about how I interact with others. Exercising Justice, Self-Reliance, Industriousness and Hospitality is core to that. When dealing with other people, these things are on my mind and offer me a way of loving my neighbor as myself as many religions propose as an ethical standard. I would say these virtues do more than that, they make sure I also love myself.
Self – Self is Acting in Wisdom, Discipline, Perseverance and Fidelity in order to improve as person. So far I like the results
This week has been about tweaking a few things. Hopefully by the end of next week all things will be pretty much in place.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Echos of the voices that wielded the blades – mocking me
A good friend becomes betrayer
A lover becomes a stranger
My own silent faith, echoing in my ears.
For days I bled, with no hope.
Until the one I betrayed saw my wounds
She did not raise her own blade in vengeance
Rather she touched my soul with her healing hand.
The bleeding stopped just in time.
Her own soul blood poured into me and restored my soul
She closed the wounds with stitches of compassion
I now bleed no more.
The scars remain forever
Reminders of who wasn’t true.
But my soul’s blood pumps strong once more
Reminding me of she who became my Eir
A Poem by Edward W. Raby, Sr. – January 14th, 2019
Author Notes:
O have written this poem over the last week or so. Finishing it on the 14th of January 2019.
In this poem I have been trying to capture the feelings of the month of August 2018. Feelings that are strong and were at the time devastating. I came up with the title of soul-blood as a way describe it. I then ran with the concept.
Emotionally this was difficult as one as on the one hand every time I write a poem I am reminded of the person who helped me understand and write them better. “Lover becomes a stranger” is her line and it still hurts to think on it. The scar throbs when I write a poem because of her, so to speak.
One the other hand, I have for the first time ever in this poem truly used my wife as an inspiration for the poem. She is my Eir. Eir being the Valkyrie known for her healing ability. My wife became my Eir that month. She has been so ever since and of all people she had the least reason to take on that role. The Valkyrie I waited for at the time was her in the end.
Hope you enjoy this poem and I always appreciate comments on my poems as I still am very new to this.
Thanks for reading,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
After some thought on it, I have decided that the ‘higher virtues’ of Love, Justice and Wisdom should be incorporated into my journaling. I will start this next week. Love will become the higher virtue under Foundation Virtues; Justice will be the higher virtue under Business and Wisdom will be the higher virtue under Self. Mainly these higher virtues provide the bigger picture when it comes to virtue.
I am not going to define these until I get to each journal post that first incorporates them. Mostly I need to come up with the definitions and that’s going to require some meditation time.
Mostly though Love becomes expressed to me in the virtues of Honor, Courage and Truth. Justice is Expressed in Self-Reliance, Industriousness and Hospitality. Wisdom is found in Discipline, Perseverance and Fidelity. I will discuss this more as I go through the journal posts the next week.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
I am actually on the cusp of having to engage my life with more discipline. I have an internship to do but in order to pay for it as far as the university was concerned I had to maintain full-time student status which meant three more online classes on top of that. This is going to mean regular discipline this time as I may switch jobs in this time and I also have to be careful because they are online and it is easy to forget them.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
This week has been a tough one regarding The Grey. Part of it is being with the family and given this past year that has not always been pleasant. My wife’s family in particular was a mixed bag of those who treated me like nothing ever happened and others who completely ignored me. My son being up meant discussing my life as it stands with him, some thing I miss doing because he was always a good wise balance when I could talk to him. So now, I feel like it is cold and rainy emotionally as part of the aftermath, but I keep walking.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
It’s been a good week for my wife and I. We got to be with our family; just us, my mother, our kids and grand kids. It was a good week in that regard. Despite the almost split of it; our family still stands. That’s a good thing no matter how you look at it.
Weekly Routine:
Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
Cleaning – 3 days a week.
Walking – 4 days a week
Writing – 4 times a week
Cheat Meal Count – Currently 4
Treating writing like a job is the thing here as I make it a four-day a week part-time job where I don’t get paid. At least for now. My cheat meal count changes next week to three.
Nutrition:
Right now nutrition is very important as I don’t know when I will be part of gym again. I don’t want to lose what I have gained and nutrition is key to that. Cheat meals will drop to three for the next couple of weeks and carb sources a day drop to three as well. This is where I want to live after this special diet is over to get ready for my fiftieth birthday pictures.
Weekly Recap:
Foundational – I think adding the idea of love over the virtues of honor, courage and truth is just what I needed to give the picture of what I am trying to do here a little more clarity. That is true of the Business and Self-Virtues as well but it is particularly true here I think.
Business – I have a good feelings going into the next week as I begin school with my internship, try to find a better job and basically improve my prosperity. I am heading into it with a very positive attitude.
Self – Good week here as far as fidelity and perseverance. Struggle a little with discipline because so many changes are taking place so I am adjusting more than anything.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day. It is the 9th Night of Yuletide. This day is sacred to fathers and the All-Father Odin. This is the day we remember fathers and honor them. The Virtue remembered today is indeed Honor. I find it interesting that in Norse mythology for mothers the virtue is Industriousness but for fathers it is Honor. There is something very profound in that if you meditate on it.
Journal Entry:
I was sitting Wednesday at a restaurant with my son who lives in New York but who is home for the holidays. I couldn’t help be very proud of him as I watched him handle his daughter who is ten months old. It was an introspective moment and one where I found myself both challenging and upholding my honor a little.
I have not always been the greatest example of fatherhood. Recent events in this last year give little cause for my children to be proud of me. But at the same time as I look at my children, I have little cause not to be proud of them and I have to say whatever my wife and I did in raising them, turned out really good in the end. They are all three of them good children. They are good human beings and I couldn’t be more proud of them all.
Fatherhood is an ever-changing role. Now I content myself with being as good a grandfather as I can be, and a friend to my children that they know they can always count on if they need me. One day, I will be the Patriarch of the family in truth (May my mother remain the Matriarch for years to come) but for me that is more about influence than authority. I just hope to be fondly remembered at this point and so work to make memories in their lives to that end.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
There is one change I am considering and that is one of having an evening routine. I have always found these the most challenging because when I get to the point where my bed is calling me it is usually overpowering of any other thing I would need to do. Such a routine would have a little hygiene as well as preparation for the day to come. It would be a short routine because anything long would not get done.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
Looking back at this year, this being the last entry for Self Virtues this year, I still stand amazed that I am still standing. I am a much different man than the one who started the year. I can’t really describe the transformation but the one thing I think I have demonstrated without fail is that I will never, ever quit. I will walk The Grey and get up after every time I am knocked down. I keep coming and I will not quit.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
I suppose along with the lessons of perseverance, the lessons this year involving fidelity have been pretty extreme. With my wife I have learned that love may not be able to fix broken oaths, but it can start to forge something new that is stronger from the pieces. From this year I also have learned fidelity is not always given even when expected. I have lost a lot of friends this year. I also had someone I thought was a good friend betray me. I loved someone who obviously didn’t share that in return. I have had the whole gambit of stuff done in return to me. I guess some might call it karma coming back on me for my own lack of fidelity. In truth though I only betrayed one person and that person still is loyal to me despite it and she forgave me. Yes, I have learned a lot this year about fidelity, perhaps too much and the wrong way. But, the lessons are learned and I will go forward.
Weekly Routine:
Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
Cleaning – 3 days a week.
Walking – 4 days a week
Man, not lifting a walking has not had as much of a negative effect as I thought it would. Physically, by keeping the nutrition solid, I still feel and look good. I still have improvement that could be done, but I am not in danger of going backwards yet. That said, from a spiritual/emotional point of view, I definitely miss both.
Nutrition:
Nutrition took a step forward this week with my limits being tightened a little. The effect was to make me instantly aware of how close I come right now to going over both on carb count for the day and cheat meals. That said, it is the holidays so it is harder but I also give myself those holiday cheat days for free. The real test will be after new year.
Weekly Recap:
Foundational – Courage, Honor and Truth are becoming more than words to me at last. There is some meaning to them as I hit the end of the year.
Business – Self-Reliance, Industriousness and Hospitality are becoming more than words to me too. The philosophy of Asatru is beginning to sink in and I must say it really appeals to who I really am.
Self – Discipline, Perseverance and Fidelity have all been a struggle this past year, but that is what each day of the future is for – to improve and grow virtue. That is my ultimate quest.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day. It’s also the second night of Yuletide. The Night of the Wild Hunt sacred to Odin and ancestors. We remind ourselves of how important hearth and home is as it is the only thing that can protect someone from The Hunt. The Hunt that begins on Samhain and continues to the end of the year with Oath Night sweeping everything before it. We remember Perseverance as one of the Nine Noble Virtues. Today is also the Winter Solstice – the longest night of the year. It only gets brighter from here.
Journal Entry:
I suppose it has been an interesting week. Trying to get some things finalized for school, going to work and working in retail at this time of year is pretty interesting. I also have been using the new free time just to relax a little. I now have some time to play a little Skyrim and watch Harry Potter movies.
I am also motivated with a new resolve to find a new career path. My friend has an interesting term for some jobs = a ‘Joe Job’. I know what he means as Joe Jobs are the kind of job where you put in your hours to make money but you are never going to get ahead with such jobs – just survive. I want to do more than survive. I also want to enjoy what I am doing. I have found an enjoyment to just working itself but I want to find a job I enjoy as well.
That said, I am enjoying the downtime from school and I feel more relaxed and in a better frame of mind. I am in a tension of sorts of wanting this time of rest to last but also getting tired of where I am in some respects now.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
The only issue of discipline right now is the study/reading time which I ma basically having trouble in figuring out what I want to do. Probably should have been a little more proactive here. The other areas are Walking and Weightlifting which basically I have no place to do right now.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
I made it. I finished school and I am now looking for a new career. I wanted to be at this point in am much different way that I arrived but I got here nonetheless. The different path was interesting and full of some unique joys and perils. But to stand here at a point I aimed at and having arrived…yeah I feel good.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
I still struggle with what exactly to be loyal to as far as faith. That said my principles are starting to harden into a good philosophy to live by and I am enjoying that process. I spend time with my wife whenever I can to keep our relationship strong. I love my family and I am starting to love myself again. I have a small (very small) circle of friends that I am very loyal to. At work some people have shown their support of me and I support them in kind.
Weekly Routine:
Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
Cleaning – 3 days a week.
Walking – 4 days a week
Cleaning yes, Weightlifting and Walking are problematic because I don’t have a place to do them right now. I also have to admit that I haven’t been looking hard yet. Mostly this is a financial concern,
Nutrition:
Next week will be the first time my diet tightens so that I am allowed four carb sources and day and four cheat meals a week. Timing is probably spot on as this kind of vigilance is needed during the holidays. Just a nudge right now so that is good. With no place to lift or walk right now, nutrition is very important to maintain where I am.
Weekly Recap:
Foundational – It was a good week for honor, courage and truth. I enjoy the fact that all I have left is my internship and that I am moving forward with my life.
Business – Opportunities are now open pt me and I have been made aware of some of them, sifting through these to try to find the one that will be a joy to me and allow me to have the hugest level of self-reliance, industriousness and hospitality is now the task before me.
Self – The real issue to me right now I that I miss weightlifting. It’s just joining a gym has two problems right now. 1) Until I get past Yuletide, Money is going to be tight. 2) I don’t know where I will be working ultimately so I don’t want a long-term commitment until I do know. Discipline is solid but could be better, but I have to say graduation has been a symbol of Perseverance fulfilled and Fidelity is solid. Looking forward to seeing all my folk together in one place.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Happy Saturn’s Day and Congrats Ferris State University’s Class of Fall 2018.
I am taking not going to be posting the normal post today. Don’t worry now that I have a break from my studies through the holidays, I will probably post a couple extra The Grey Wayfarer (Fantasy Serial) and Rogue Wizard post next week to make up for it. I want to actually kind of work on those two series in the coming weeks as a way to cool down from academia. BS in Political Science (with minors in Economics and International Business) ‘finished’.
I graduate today. Not that I am finished. I have an internship and maybe another class to do. But I have met the requirements to walk across the platform so I am going to do so. I need a win for the end of the year. I will be a full-time student next semester simply because of the need for financial aid to finish the above.
Starting tomorrow, I will be back to the blogging routine. I will also start making arrangements for my internship and seeing what classes I can take online to keep that full-time status but most of the pressure will be off from a degree completion pint of view.
This last semester was the hardest I had to do not because it was academically challenging. Rather, it was an emotional up hill battle from day one. I was emotional exhausted after the summer and so I fought motivational issues all semester, including right to the end. But, I finished and fell over the line doing it. We will see what pieces I still have to pick up next semester but today I will wear the black robe the cap and walk the platform. Just another path of the walk of life for the Grey Wayfarer.
See you tomorrow,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
I someone would ask me how I feel right now, I would tell them tired but still strong. It’s my soul that is tired. probably because of the fact I just don’t quit. I do need this Yuletide time to be a time of rest and celebration. I need to be able to breathe for a bit.
My goal is strength of soul more than anything else when it comes to myself. My soul has been bruised, bleed out. battered, betrayed and a whole host of other things this past year. I suppose though the fact that it is still alive and standing is a testimony to my perseverance if nothing else. Of course some of those wounds were self-inflicted too so my soul, heart and mind have a lot of arguments these days. I do feel healing is something I am experiencing when I get the chance but it is not so much healing I need right now; but rather, to feel that my soul is getting stronger and stronger every day. That the blood that was drained from it is starting to return.
I know I am using a lot of metaphors, but in describing what I am trying to get across it is pretty much what I am left with. I suppose though if I do ever find my strength again of soul I will be stronger than before. If that which does not kill you makes you stronger, then by the holy powers I am going to be a lot stronger. A helluva lot stronger.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
The one thing I am glad for, because it has kept me sane and focused, is the various discipline I keep putting in my life. Some things might seem weird to discipline like making sure I cuddle/communicate with my wife for at least ten minutes a day when possible. Not something people normally see on a self-discipline routine of any type, but it is important to do given all that has happened. Making sure things are good on all fronts.
I am going to do one thing this break which is reassess everything on my routines and disciplines lists. Going over my goals, the bucket list and everything else will take priority as well. As we come to the end of the year, it important to be clear about what the objectives are for the next one.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
Sometimes when I keep getting up from defeat and failure, I wonder if it is perseverance or stupidity. Part of my wants to say I have had enough and its time to throw in the towel. Unfortunately or fortunately, that isn’t part of my makeup. Quitting is never an option for me.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
I think, in the future I will benefit from the lessons of fidelity I have learned this year. My own weaknesses in it are still evident when it comes to faith and my marriage based on last years performance. That’s a fair and honest assessment. but out of that failure I have found a new understanding of fidelity. That is, I know if I am being true to what I feel about those relationships, than being loyal to them is not a problem.
I have also learned what kind of friends I want in my life because true colors were shown very quickly and I guess now I am much more cautious who I give my friendship to these days. I don’t want to be the kind of ‘friend’ that others were to me this past year. ‘Friends’ only when you can do something for them or your friendship makes them look good. Perhaps there is another lesson in keeping my circle small and tight here. Probably very likely.
Weekly Routine:
Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
Cleaning – 3 days a week.
Walking – 4 days a week
I miss weightlifting right now. I plan on joining a new gym on Monday and getting back at it, so I am hopeful that this part will start not only to keep my body strong but my soul as well. I need my mediation of iron. Walking may be the treadmill every day for a bit until the weather gets better and I can use the trials again. Cleaning is pretty consistent and it keeps my minimalist self from going nuts.
Nutrition:
So far the carb counting and cheat meal counting has worked. I haven’t gone over at any time. With that said, things are going to start to get more tight after the holidays are over. It’s at this point things will be put to the test and I must say the goal of looking as best I can is starting to be very real to me.
Weekly Recap:
Foundational – Weary but good. This week marks the end of another semester of school. Graduation tomorrow, but I still have some work to do. I need to be very truthful about myself in the coming weeks as well as make good courageous and honorable decisions going into the new year.
Business – I am coming to the end of a stage of life here and trying to start a new one. My former career of ministry is done and I need to embrace a new one. Now I just need to find that path. Thankfully I have learned for a long time the importance of work and being industrious. I have learned to work toward being self-reliant and now it is time to gain enough prosperity to be hospitable to those who need it.
Self – Strength needs to be recovered here but I think the path I am on that involves fidelity, discipline and perseverance will help me. The goal in the end is to be a proud Viking soul that is prosperous and strong.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
The Grey Wayfarer 