Sorry, once again no Crossing Bifrost this week. I am still reading a lot on Norse Mythology right now and next week I will take on the goddess Frigg. For this week, it is time I took two poems I have written this month and make them blogging canon. This one will drop now and the second one later this afternoon.
“The Storm” by Edward W. Raby, Sr.:
Wind, grey skies and pouring rain.
The Storm rages in my soul.
Fed by my inner pain.
Will I ever be whole?
Lightning flashes
Thunder rolls
I tighten my grip on the staff of my reality
Knowing only the treading of my feet
Boots grinding through grey mud
Soaked in sorrow, but my heart closed
Numb to the cold of The Grey
I struggle onward, not daring to feel
Lest my tears join the flood
And drown me in the rising tide.
I walk with the hope of seeing sunlight
I walk with the hope of feeling love
But right now, I feel nothing
So I will survive.
Soon, the wolf within will rise and howl
The ravens will caw again
For I know when the light breaks through.
Then I will howl, caw and laugh,
Once again I have endured The Storm
And I have become stronger
Written by Edward W, Raby, Sr. on March 9th and 10th, 2019. Edited on March 22, 2019
Author’s Commentary:
I guess this poem about depression; and how I take it on, is one of those that is very obvious. The imagery in part is borrowed from this whole Grey Wayfarer concept. I draw a lot of inspiration these days from the characters and stories of Norse Mythology. I like these gods – they have dirt under their fingernails and pain of soul.
People do not understand depression that well. Mine is ‘mild’, if you can call depression mild. It isn’t about happy or sad with me. It is about emotional shutdown. I go into cold-blooded bastard mode so I don’t have to feel sorrow or pain. The sarcastic asshole is very much a part of both sides of my life, but in The Grey I don’t laugh at my own sarcasm like I do out of it. “No dark sarcasm in the classroom.” Yeah, it gets dark and there is no feeling to it. Outside the grey it more about being playfully affectionate with the people I care about. Inside it, I am just being a dark fucker trying to survive.
The love-hate relationship with depression is something I tried to deal with the last stanza. Like or not, when come out of it, I have some of the most creative and wonderful inspired moments. I feel better, love better and think better in those moments. Some of my best writing has been at these times.
Thanks for reading,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Hitting the Business Virtues is always a struggle because I am changing a lot of who I am and what I do here. It isn’t just about the virtues but something core to every man – who am I? That said this realignment has been the most helpful here. Today we look at Realigning Industriousness.
“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”
No problems here. I like it as it is written.
Principle: To work with efficiency and with enjoyment for work itself.
A small change to bring in the idea of being efficient which fits the virtue better and my own sense of economics and the need to be efficient.
Goal: Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by the end of May 2019.
Industriousness needs something to work and a notion that the work is complete at some point. My degree is almost finished and represents a lot of work. Time to hang the degree on the wall and move to whats next. Just a few more months. Added a time frame to make the goal SMART
Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published.
I needed something that reflects my other industrious point – Being a Writer. Writing is work, no mater how enjoyable, it is still work. I need to be more industrious about getting to this bucket list item, and so here it will be.
Self-Reliance:
“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”
Principle: To achieve and maintain personal independence and advocate for independence in my family, state and nation.
Goal: Find a new, better paying job by the end of March 2019 or before.
Bucket List: To own and run my own successful business or company.
Now that I can see the whole picture here it looks like the Goal is the next step toward the Bucket List item. As goals are completed here they should be the next step toward the ultimate goal of ownership o my own business that is successful. This makes things very clear when it comes to self-reliance.
Industriousness:
“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”
Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.
Goal: Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019
Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published.
Goal and Bucket List item are very oriented toward getting something done in a systematic and efficient manner. I suppose it is at this point that I know that I will be asking myself the question of routine. As in, what routine do I need to add something, so I am doing something every morning, day, evening or week to get a step closer to each goal or bucket list item? That will be the challenge for next week as I complete the process.
Hospitality:
“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”
Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.
As I draw closer to the last week of the month, I know this one has to be expanded as far as the Principle. The goal and bucket list item are still up in the air. Although true to the business virtues it will probably be about budgeting so that the element of budget will be a part of it. Hospitality is after all about having excess, so you can show compassion to others who need it.
Higher Virtue – Justice:
Justice is a difficult thing. It becomes more imperative when your viewpoint changes from a person who believed that the Christian god would make everything right in the end to a person who believes it is highly possible that The Divine may demand justice here on earth now. Or maybe there is nothing at all and we need to have justice here on earth to right wrongs and balance the scale or they will never get balanced a all. All I know is that I can just make myself act justly when called for and if given the opportunity balance the scales.. Otherwise patience and forbearance might be the only actions I have.
Daily Routine:
Communication / Cuddle Time
Blogging
Reading / Study – Half-hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
Clear In Box/ To Do List
Financial Transaction Input
Carb Count – currently two.
There may be some changes here as Goals and Bucket Lists get finalized next week.
Goals:
Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
In 2019 have a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.
As you can see this list is getting shorter; and when this process is complete, it too will disappear. The Goals Achieved thing will make its way to the weekly recap part of the journal posts.
Goals achieved since Summer 2018: 1
Budgeting:
Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
Debt Snowball
Fully funded Emergency fund
Invest 15% of income into retirement
Pay off Home Early
Build Wealth and Give
Just can report with our tax return we are sitting on number one being done right now so debt reduction is a focus at the moment. I should note, with one of my goals involving budgeting, this section will also disappear and be joined with that.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Eastern Philosophy is a large subject. It stretches over several different cultures. Middle Eastern, Islamic, Chinese, Japanese, etc. all have their philosophical schools and viewpoints. If there is a commonality to Eastern Philosophy it is focus more on community and oneness with the universe. In western philosophy people overcome surroundings. In eastern philosophy, one becomes one’s surroundings if that makes any sense.
I am not going not dive into the metaphysical sea that is eastern philosophy. Today I just want to do a comparison between the Nine Noble Virtues of Ásatrú (NNV) which I follow, and the Code of Bushido (COB). The Japanese Warrior Code is something I admire, so the purpose of this comparison is not to note superiority of one over the other. I have a feeling if a samurai and a viking warrior sat down and had a discussion about these things they would walk away from each other with a profound amount of respect. Rather, my main purpose is to learn and grow. To perhaps see other facets of the jewel known as the NNV by comparing it to another jewel – The COB.
There are similarities – Both have honor. The difference is that the NNV tries to encompass in honor the idea of respect, where the COB makes that a separate virtue. Both have Fidelity, but the COB adds the idea of Duty as part of that, although I would say it is part of Fidelity as well. Honesty lines up very much with Truth. Compassion lines up very well with Hospitality. Both have Courage. There is a lot of overlap as you can see. The learning is in the differences.
The COB has Respect as separate from Honor and the Virtue of Integrity. In the case pf respect, looking at this reminds me as a follower of the NNV that Respect is a part of honor. To me self-worth and respect are two sides of the same coin of honor. The COB reminds me that I need to remember it is two-sided. Integrity is sticking with one’s decisions and being commuted to them. I would say in Fidelity we see that but not so much our decisions as being committed to our relationships and making decisions based on those commitment that are loyal and true. I can change my decisions if a different path suggests I would demonstrate more loyalty to that person or group than my current path.
The NNV has the following virtues that are more emphasized than the COB: Self-Reliance, Industriousness, Discipline and Perseverance. It is not that the COB doesn’t talk about these things, it is just two some might be seen as expressions of the other virtues. Discipline as part of Compassion. To be disciplined one must then display perseverance. However, I think the concept of ‘face’ kicks in here and failure is far less of an option in the COB as it is in the NNV. The Viking Warrior after failing, gets up and tries again. The Samurai might instead to stave of losing face commit ritual suicide. The thing being that in Eastern philosophy community is far more important that the individual.
This is probably best seen in Self-Reliance and Industriousness. It is not that the COB does not emphasize them, it is just they are always seen as a part of a greater whole. The problem with this in Viking culture is you can find yourself alone trying to survive and live. The climate and nature of the Scandinavian world meant you are going to have to face things at times without the community. So you better figure out how to do things yourself and you better work hard or you might die or suffer for relying too much on others or not working hard enough.
To the Wolves and Ravens:
Needs (Geri):
Comparison in philosophical systems is needed to strengthen our own. It avoids the cranial rectal inversion that some philosophers develop that I am trying to avoid. Having one’s head up one’s own ass philosophically. Easter philosophy with its different focus points tends to be quite revealing when you put it side by side western.
Wants (Freki):
I personally want to see aspects of the Code of Bushido expressed in my following of the Nine Noble Virtues. There is a need to remember respect as part of honor for me. To remember community is important when it comes to hospitality and fidelity. That Integrity is a part of Truth for me. Learning how to fuller understand and express the NNV by looking at how others see the same virtue is something I definitely want.
Reason (Huginn):
I would say reason tells us that codes and virtues might be the same but which ones are going to be more emphasized are going to depend a lot of culture and society. The Code of Bushido fits its Eastern philosophical world. The NNV virtues make more sense for me because I live in a culture that is more self-reliant and individualistic. However if I had or do business in Japan, it might do me well, from a rational point of view, to switch while I am there.
Wisdom (Muninn):
Learning to find wisdom where you find it is key. Wisdom knows no culture or society. It sometimes expresses itself differently depending on society but the concepts of wisdom tend to be the same.
Conclusion:
I have enjoyed this look at the Code of Bushido. It has made my meditation on the NNV a little more fuller as I consider aspects of the NNV in its light. It has allowed me to see more of my own path and code. I imagine I will return to it again.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.
We also don’t take an offering here. We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it. Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it. Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.
Opening Song: “Stricken” – Disturbed
Poem: “The Scar” by Edward W. Raby, Sr. (Rough Draft)
Time heals all wounds
“Bullshit” I say
I have been down this road before
I have scars that still bleed inside
Internal bleeding of the soul
Seepage of pain within
Toxic soul-blood poisoning
Hidden behind my scars
The scar you left on me
Is like all the others
A covered scab
Hiding a slow bleeding wound
Another scar
A badge of survival
The poison blood inside fuel
The pain inside motivation
I know this is the second poem I have written for the Pulpit in rough draft form without polishing them later in a Skald’s Tales and Poems but that is coming this week probably.
Meditation:
Me too Penn, Me too.
Song of Preparation: “Anthem’ – Rush:
Text:
“People Do Not Have The Right to Take Away The Rights of Others” – The Book of Rabyd 1:6
Sermon:
The real key here to understanding rights that inalienable is that it means that everyone has them. Truly understand rights then requires that while we all may have the right to life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and property; it does not mean that we can exercises those rights at the expense of someone else’s rights. You must respect the rights of others to truly understand what rights entail. If you don’t, you have an improper understanding of rights.
It is morally wrong to force another to give up their rights so that you can have yours. It morally bankrupt; in my opinion, to use any kind of force and power to exalt your rights over another. This is something that has to be remembered because as much as we say – “I have my rights”, we also need to say – “they have their rights” in the same breath. It is this respect of rights as a concept that is just as important as respect of my own rights. When we do this we are learning to see others as human beings. It is this issue that if implemented would solve a ton of problems. As much as I feel I have the right to stand on my rights, I must also allow others to stand on theirs.
This why I find the use of government today so repugnant. Much of it is one side or the others trying to take power to use on others. The Republicans try to seize power so they can use it against the Democrats and visa versa. No one is trying to take government so they can genuinely defend the rights of all. Libertarianism for me is simply a wonderful philosophy that seeks to actually see the rights of all protected. The goal of our politics then would be to stop the government from violating the rights of all individuals.
I have been using the issue of abortion to illustrate the problem when rights collide. The right to life movement say the right of the child to live is not being respected, the pro-choice folks say the right of the woman to privacy which is connected to her rights to liberty and the pursuit of happiness is being violated if she does not have the choice of an abortion. The problem is we simply cannot play a game of two against one to decided who is right. A single violated right by force is wrong. The argument really centers on whether or not the child/fetus is genuinely a human being and thus has rights. Pro-life folks say yes / pro-choice folks say no. This is not going to be resolved because the arguments on both sides have problems. I am not going to get into that because the arguments for both sides are legion as well. My point is if a single right is being violated on an individual then the action is wrong and should not be allowed.
The problem with abortion is asking a question of personhood and at that point you are getting far more into metaphysics and theology than philosophy. My personal position is to say I am pro-choice on one hand because I do not feel it is my right to force my viewpoint of when life begins on another, and it is a debatable point. But I am also pro-life on the other hand, because I would hope that we would recognize our ignorance on when life truly and genuinely begins, and thus choose to err on the side of life because of that ignorance.
My point in all this is the debate is not what our rights are for those that follow the Book of Rabyd. Those are clearly understood. The debate for me and for my family is to understand and know when rights are being brought into conflict either intentionally or unintentionally and coming up with solutions that both allow one to exercise their rights but not interfere with the rights of others. This is the challenge of those who follow the Book of Rabyd.
Closing Song: ‘Hurt’ – Johnny Cash:
I include this song at the end because I talked about it with some friends this week. I suppose it is a simple reminded that all things, including our lives, end. What legacy we leave is important. Johnny Cash speaks for a lot of people in this song when they near the end. The regrets you have probably have more to do with hurts received and hurts given.
Parting Thought:
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
The next three weeks are about aligning my virtues to principles; principles to goals and goals to bucket list. Also there are the Routines that will need to be altered as I go along to reflect any changes. There are going to be changes. So for the next nine A Skald’s Life posts, I am going to be engaged in this process of realignment. To do this I am going to state the Virtue and the edit the principle involved, then edit, recreate or create the goal and bucket list items that go with the virtue and principle.
Once this process is complete for each virtue, you should see the changes reflected in the future A Skald’s Life posts. I also have Routines to alter as a go along which will reflect this. My meditation guide I use will be changed. There are odd ducks like Weightlifting and Nutrition. This is why I chose a longer and more thoughtful route. If only the first Virtue wasn’t one of the most difficult. Honor.
“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”
I will not alter this virtue as I think it is very solidly written and I have no confusion in understanding it. As I created the principle to guide this last time, the challenge was thinking positively about myself and my future. I simply stated the Principle as: “Be positive about my future”. I am not sure this lines up anymore. True, honor involves looking at yourself in the mirror in a positive light but there is more to it than just being positive but it is central to honor. The goal needs to reflect this as well as the bucket list item.
Principle: To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.
I look at the goal list and really I can’t find anything that relates directly to honor. Other than to look at the goal of blogging every day for a year. Why? Because as I look at the central element of honor it is to possess it continually and that involves a journey and this blog is about my journey as The Grey Wayfarer. It is the closest of the current goals without rewriting them. I suppose in many respects this journey I am on has Honor as central to it purpose.
Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
One of the first observations I can make about my bucket list is there is some repetition. Part of the goal will be to edit it in such a way as to eliminate that. That said, if the journey is about honor then there is a current item on my list that fits and would not only be a cool thing to do but quite symbolic as well.
Bucket List Item: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
If part of my quest for honor is the journey then a bucket list item that is about a journey seems to fit and would probably when I do it be very symbolic of getting to a certain point where I feel honor is being achieved.
Honor:
“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”
Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others. ‘
The principle is a little longer but it is the complicated subject of honor. My constant journey toward it is chronicled in this blog and the bucket list item now has a goal that is symbolic and something I really want to do. No when i meditate on Honor, the goal and bucket list item will motivate me a little better.
Courage:
“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”
Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.
Of all my virtues and principles, I feel when I get to this one, I will find I will edit this one the least. The concern here is the goal and bucket list.
Truth:
“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”
Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.
I think the principle here will need a major revision. The goal might be clearer as well as the bucket list item actually unless the revision of the Principle changes it. For me educating yourself whether formally or informally is about the quest for truth. So right now it might be about finishing my degree and learning a language. Learning a language might fit here as it is symbolic of education and learning truth. Latin would probably fit best the notion of being a scholar and symbolize this Virtue the best.
Higher Virtue: Love:
Honor, Courage and Truth all need to be aligned with love. But in this case by pursuing these three, I think love will be woven like a tapestry from these three threads. There is a symbiotic relationship I am looking for her where love is expressed in Honor toward myself, acts of Courage for the ones I love and Truth toward others. This new alignment should make the higher virtue of Love clearer and more easily expressed.
Morning Routine:
Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
Review Goals and Bucket List
Meditation
Full Body Stretch
Shower and Personal Hygiene
Get Dressed for the Day
I don’t anticipate any changes here at all. Except as the Principles, Goals and Bucket List change, my review and meditation will shift in focus and nature.
Bucket List:
Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
Ass March goes on, I will change this every week. Mostly you will see items shift position to line up with their virtue as the hike goal is now number 1. As I said before, I see some repetition of idea. Learning Latin and Hungarian could be merged. Getting Drunk and Smoking a Joint could be merged. This would open it up for a few new items and that requires me to sit back and ask: “What do I want to do?” This might be the fun element of this realignment and it is probably the thing that excites me most about this process right now.
Weightlifting:
I need to get a job that pays better so that I can know where I am going to be for the foreseeable future so I can join a gym and afford it. In the meantime, I am thinking a couple 25 lbs. dumbbells might be a good investment as I can do a lot of things with them at home. Walking is going to be available as Spring actually springs too. The thought of getting physically active again excites me and I know is one of my major defenses against The Grey.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.
We also don’t take an offering here. We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it. Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it. Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.
Opening Song:“Mr. Roboto” – Styx
I was joking this week with my daughter about using this song as a song about my grandson Otto. All I would have to do is change the words a little to make this song about him. That said, this actually is a pretty cool song made for a rock opera that dealt with dystopian future where rock and roll as well as other forms of free expression are outlawed. Styx always was very good and their vocalist has a ton of range in this one.
Poem: “The Storm” by Edward W. Raby, Sr.:
Wind, grey skies and pouring rain.
The Storm rages in my soul.
Fed by my inner pain.
Will I ever be whole?
Lightning flashes
Thunder rolls
I tighten my grip on the staff of my reality
Knowing only the treading of my feet
Boots grinding through grey mud
Soaked in sorrow, but my heart closed
Numb to the cold of The Grey
I struggle onward, not daring to feel
Lest my tears join the flood
And drown me in the rising tide.
I walk with the hope of seeing sunlight
I walk with the hope of feeling love
But right now, I feel nothing
So I will survive.
Soon, the wolf within will rise
The ravens will caw again
when the light breaks through.
Then I will laugh,
Once again I have become the storm
And I have become stronger
Note: This is still in rough draft form, but it is good enough I think to at least post it. It needs refining but I like how it captures my struggles with depression at times. I will probably present this poem in it own post when it is more refined.
Meditation:
Song of Preparation: “It’s My Life” – Bon Jovi
Text:
Everyone has the Right to Property – The Book of Rabyd 1:5
Sermon:
This is a new verse for the Book of Rabyd. Most people don’t realize that the original Declaration of Independence had originally ‘life. liberty and property’. Later editing changed it to the pursuit of happiness. But the idea of the inherent right to property to anyone who owns it is something that has not always been recognized in history. That changed with the Founding fathers as the notion of people having a right to translate their right to pursue their happiness. As Ayn Rand wisely pointed out this means the right to property.
I would argue that this right is what defends the others as well. Your Life. liberty and Pursuit of Happiness are yours and now one should be allowed to take them away from you. This means you also have the right to defend what is yours. But ownership of property being a right extends to all things that are yours. The most important of which is ownership of self. Self-ownership means to take responsibility for yourself and your own destiny instead of leaving in the hands of others. You need to exercise your right to own private property to do this.
I often wonder if those who try to attack this right realize that what they are doing allows people to basically take away all the others. If my life is not mine, if my liberty is only granted and can be taken away, if my pursuit of happiness requires that someone else give it to me, then they are not rights but privileges. The right to property is what brings in this concept of ownership of not only my stuff but my rights.
To think otherwise is to have the mentality of the thief and the societal leach. I make no apologies for saying this. I people have the notion that other people don’t have a right to property, then they are perfectly OK with the notion that such property can be taken away. They also have no problem when people have their property taken from hem through taxation so they can be supported. In short they envision people can think and work but the results in part belong to them even though they have done nothing to earn them. This justifies their stealing it or letting others do it for them.
So we turn again to abortion. The seeming conflict is that the woman has her right to liberty and pursuit what will make her happy. The notion being that the fetus is her body and she owns it so she can dispose of it as she sees fit. The opposite side of the coin is that the child has he right to live and pursuit its happiness by living. The real issue is it possible for one person to really own another and I would say that there is some inherent ownership of ones’ self in such a right to property.
For me the question of abortion has long been a sticky one. As a Christian I had pretty clear guidelines, but it was still troubling at times. Mostly because reality is that natural abortion happens all the time and with far more frequency than people think. Most are never known to even exist.
Post-Christian, the issues now falls to whether the fetus is a person. If not, the nit has no right to ownership of self and all the other rights that go with that. If yes, then he/she does and they have those rights. I am not sure I can answer the question definitively at this point but I still maintain that liberty and life are important in equal measure. I hope the choice is life, because I consider abortion a waste of human potential, if nothing else.
The real question for me is should the state be allowed to interfere? Once again we are still left to determining when a person becomes a person and the answer seems clear. Given all our rights and the notion of self-ownership, if the fetus can be proven to be a person then the answer is yes, but if not we still find ourselves in a controversy. It seems with all the advances in science, we should be able to determine this. Then the right to property with its concept of self-ownership kicks in. This still doesn’t give us a clear answer but we have two more principles left so we shall see.
Closing Song: Amen – Halestorm:
Parting Thought:
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
I have been meditating on this subject of alignment. To be clear I am talking about the idea that if things are lined up so they are in their correct positions for the purpose of having things be smoother. If your forcing things in your life, it might be because they are not aligned with who you are or your purposes.
In my case in particular, I feel that the goals I have and my bucket list in particular, don’t completely line up with the Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and their principles. Even the principles might need some work in this regard. My main focus here is to first get the principles to line up with the virtue better. Then I want my nine goals to each reflect one virtue strongly and then a bucket list item should line up with the virtue as well. The idea being that everything runs smoothly from one thing to the other, instead of being disjointed and out of sync. The virtue leads to the principle, the principle supports the goal and the goal leads to a lifetime achievement known more commonly as a bucket list item.
Of course the challenge of this is reflected in the below meme.
I consider this a real spiritual thing – does it resonate, line up and feel right. I feel the time has come in my life to make sure all things line up and harmonize better with each other. This next month of working through this process will be designed to help me work closer to that place of balance, being centered and alignment.
Self-Reliance:
“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”
Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.
This week I will use the three business virtues to illustrate my point.
I like the virtue as it is written so there is no problem there. The principle seems incomplete because it doesn’t really reflect the later part of the virtue about family, clan, tribe and nation. The principle seems very focused on the individual side for me but needs revision to make it reflect the other aspects of the virtue.
The goal that would be attached to this,at least as I see it initially is – find the new, better paying job as it secures my self-reliance a little better. The Bucket List Item – This is where I have a problem of not wanting to force anything here. To align things properly with that, I might have to revise the bucket list.
Industriousness:
“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”
Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.
The principle here has no idea of efficiency. It needs to be worked in somehow. Goal might be Finish my internship and then with that done a new goal could be added. The Bucket list item could be the cruise with Budapest as the final destination. A final reward for working hard for both me and my wife.
Hospitality:
“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”
Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.
I actually think the virtue and principle are fine here. The budget goal is the tool for prosperity as a goal which leads to being more hospitable. The Bucket list item? Good question. Learning a language? Hard to say. Probably another cause for revision of the bucket list.
Higher Virtue – Justice:
No revision here. I think the concept of alignment fits the idea of justice very well because when things are natural and unforced, relationships work better and the right decision seems much more self apparent.
Daily Routine:
Communication / Cuddle Time
Blogging
Reading / Study – Half-hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
Clear In Box/ To Do List
Financial Transaction Input
Carb Count – currently two.
This is probably the routine that gets done the most just under my morning routine. A few things here and there. During my time of off script, I would say the financial transaction, carb count and in box stuff dropped off the most. Just proves they are activities that still need work and more discipline.
Goals:
Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship.
Find a new, better paying job by the end of March 2019 or before.
In 2019 have a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
Follow Paleo Diet completely and use intermittent fasting until the end of 2019
Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)
Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.
As you may have guessed. going to revise this and line them up with virtues and principles. I also want to make them SMARTer. More on that on Freya’s Day.
Goals achieved since Summer 2018: 1
Budgeting:
Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
Debt Snowball
Fully funded Emergency fund
Invest 15% of income into retirement
Pay off Home Early
Build Wealth and Give
Tax time presents us with the opportunity to get number one done. Then it will be time to tackle the debt. The new job might be something that can charge this process so I keep searching.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
The Wayfarer’s Spiritual Side. This post and those titled like it to follow in the future are largely just me looking through the Eye, so to speak at my own spirituality. To gaze into my own spiritual journey and come up with some observations I hope will be helpful to me as I continue to walk my life.
I would say that the two great struggles I have had since leaving my religion and my ministry have firstly been to adapt to the change and secondly try to find some way to achieve balance spiritually speaking.
I suppose part of the problem is defining my spirituality:
I want my spirituality to be my own journey of discovery. That is why religion and I have a problem. That is, I see all of them as being someone else’s journey of discovery that other people follow.
I want my spirituality to embrace all that I am in balance. Reason, Emotion, Relationships, Health (Both mental and physical) and that aspect we call Spirit must all be involved equally. Most of my spirituality is about achieving balance between all these things.
Back to the two struggles, adaptation is a struggle because I am very conscious of the fact that I was engaged in a lot of spiritual activities as a Christian that I would consider irrational now.
I went to church, but I now understand what that was. It was the reinforcement of belief by repetition, not necessarily by coming to understanding the truth, but group think and emotional experience are powerful ways to teach you how to deny what is true.
I prayed, but I have realized that I was probably talking to myself most of the time. Even if there is a god, the way I was conceiving him as I prayed him took on the aspects of my earthly father. it was my concept of god I was praying to, not necessarily the divine power that actually exists.
I worshiped, but that conception of god was my own creation, so I was worshiping my own ability to conceive god. I don’t do a lot of this anymore. I honestly can’t say I miss it much.
I studied the Bible. But this was about repeating something over and over again and when you do that you are just training your mind to think a certain way. Doesn’t mean that way is true or right.
In my adaptation, I don’t want spiritual practices that don’t also leave me open to see possibilities I may not have considered or get me to be dogmatically telling others what “The Truth” is at the expense of their own freedom to figure it out themselves. it leaves very little other than practicing meditation on the virtues I want evident in my life and living life with a spiritual eye.
The other struggle is balance. Keeping one thing from dominating so much that the others are neglected.
Time to Look Through the Eye:
Faith:
I have faith in myself. Like it or not it is all I really have. People say that might be a poor thing to have faith in and they may be right. However, my self is all I really know I must have faith in, because it is the best thing I have to place my faith in that I know is real. Other things I will list that I have faith in I know based on my experience and reason that this is so, but I still must say I have a little less faith in these things than myself for obvious reasons. My wife, my small circle of friends, humanity all are worthy of various measures of my faith because they are real and proven through their actions. That said at the end of the day the only one who can keep my spiritual life in balance is me. The only one I can ultimately trust is me.
Religion:
I really try to avoid being religious, the problem is religion is very prevalent in spirituality, and eliminating it can be quite a challenge. The issue religion brings to the table is how much of other people’s spiritual experiences can be used to help my own and which ones are just controlling or fear mongering. I find that if a spiritual notion leads me to being afraid or is trying to ‘force’ me to certain activities then it is a religious element to be rejected. I just have time for notions that basically without proof try to tell me what ‘the truth’ is. I think there may be many truths, but one single monolithic truth? No. I don’t think the universe is that small. If there is any force that can take me off my notion of balance it is religion.
Theology:
The most elementary shift in my thinking theologically speaking it is realizing that sin is a made up concept. The writers of the Bible or any other holy book that talk about sin, just straight up called what behaviors they didn’t like ‘sin’. Therefore, they took it upon themselves to speak for the divine as to what offends the divine. They offer no direct proof for this. They claim it, but never prove it
Theologically speaking then, is humanity then inherently evil because they have picked up a sinful nature then? No. I have not proof one way or the other about that either. It is just asserted. So when it comes to my spirituality it is not so much avoiding or overcoming sin anymore. My spirituality has shifted more to the notion of making myself better by strengthening what is positive or turning something negative into a positive. I don’t believe that part of my humanity needs to be destroyed or redeemed anymore. I just think all elements of my humanity (needs, wants, reasoning, wisdom, etc.) need to be focused and work together to help me grow with balance.
Spirituality:
All of life then becomes just as much spiritual as it is anything else. From taking a shower, to going to work, to making love to even me sitting right now and writing on this blog. All of it has the potential to strengthen me spiritually. I simply have to find the element of each activity that helps me become a better person. What is it that leads to long life, prosperity and balance.
Conclusion:
The issue I find is still the issue of balance and adapting to being an X=Christian. Sometimes I find myself thinking about an issue and asking “Is that the former Christian talking or is it the real me?” It is the current state of my Spirituality as I walk the path of life. It is a question that comes up often.
Continuing to Walk the Path,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Last week it was talk of a master plan. This week it is trying to find a course to chart. If I have a weakness here it is figuring out where I want to go from here. I guess it is on the one hand understandable. After doing one thing for twenty years, going a completely different direction which is in large part unknown is difficult.
I guess sometimes, I do feel like the viking boarding the ship and the notion of that captain is to just set sail into uncharted territory and see where we land in the end. You still have to pick a direction to sail, and that is the thing. What direction to sail?
There is also the issue of The Grey having created a bit of an emotional storm to navigate. It is; however, subsiding a little. I guess I still struggle with unfinished business. I still struggle with not being able to end certain relationships the right way. They need to be ended, but they kind of don’t sit well with me right now. I guess I still struggle internally with trying to figure out the just way of doing so.
I think I have made the decision to follow the business path as my basic compass direction. I think it is the path that will allow me to use skills I already have and my education to the best use. I am thinking a fully online MBA while I work in business; from an educational point of view, would be a good next step there. I just don’t know where specifically this will take me. What shore will I ultimately land on. Well that is the adventure part, isn’t it? To pull out of the storm, I could really use an adventure right now.
I also have decided to actually make a plan for writing that novel. That is my bucket list item and it could be a career if I get one novel to be published the right way, It is something I can do in a few hours a week at first. I have participated in National Novel Writing Month a few times and know you can write a lot of things in a short time.
Self-Reliance:
“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”
Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.
I guess the issue here is that I feel I have achieved self-reliance of a sort for myself and my wife. I mean we could use greater prosperity, it is the line about ‘family, clan, tribe and nation’ that I ponder from time to time. It may affect my career path and affect me decisions about what course to set and what education to pursue.
Industriousness:
“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”
Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.
I work hard. I enjoy working. I want to enjoy my career again. I haven’t felt that enjoyment of occupation in about three years now. I want it back because it really gives you a sense of purpose.
Hospitality:
“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”
Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.
I wrote on hospitality yesterday. I guess right now I am meditating on how to be a person who people feel at home in my presence. It is an interesting thing to think on.
Higher Virtue – Justice:
I struggle with justice. I don’t vengeance, I want justice and that is much harder to achieve. Probably at the center of the source of this storm right now is this desire for justice and knowing it might never happen. There is also the notion that perhaps the scales are balanced because I am not exactly innocent here, but then again real friendship shouldn’t be about guilt or innocence.
Daily Routine:
Communication / Cuddle Time
Blogging
Reading / Study – Half-hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
Clear In Box/ To Do List
Financial Transaction Input
Carb Count – currently one a day.
Daily stuff can be the greatest struggle during the Grey. I give in to the temptation to skip things a lot during these times, but I notice when I don’t I get a little better, so things do get done. Just not everything some days.
Goals:
Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship.
Find a new, better paying job by the end of March 2019 or before.
In 2019 have a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
Follow Paleo Diet completely and use intermittent fasting until the end of 2019
Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)
Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.
I made finding a new job a goal by the end of March now, it is simply a practical change seeing I haven’t found one yet. I don’t keep track of goals that either don’t pan out or I have to modify. You never want to focus on your failures.
Goals achieved since Summer 2018: 1
Budgeting:
Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
Debt Snowball
Fully funded Emergency fund
Invest 15% of income into retirement
Pay off Home Early
Build Wealth and Give
Tax time coming. I am hoping that step one will be in place because of it.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
I have a lot more time off this week than normal from work. I only work three days and for a total of a little more than twenty hours. Not the greatest for the bank account but from a certain perspective it is an opportunity to do some other things and have the time to get my new career going.
So this week is also a good opportunity to do some thing to make life at home better and take a look at what can be done about things that are not getting down right now. It is not truly going to be a week of rest so much as time between battles to adjust, train and fix my weapons and adjust my armor to use the warrior analogy.
Honor:
“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”
Principle – Be positive about my future
I am feeling my life is getting more about the future and less about the past every day. That is good. It’s nice to put past battles in the past and look forward to see what new ones are on the horizon. Self-worth or honor is something that is growing in me and has reached the point that I feel I am more valuable than my current employment level. Time to find a more honorable occupation.
Courage:
“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”
Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.
The real issue as always is Courage. Putting myself out there are my age and with kind of restart attitude is a little challenging, but a little courage goes a long way. The right thing to do all across the board is to act and get this next step moving in my life. The time between battles is a time to focus and prepare and then take those steps toward the next challenge.
Truth:
“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”
Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.
Truth is, I still find this task daunting at times. It is not something I was completely unprepared for. I was going to school for a reason after all. It is jut the events of this last year have made this a little bit of a crisis moment instead of smooth transition. Trying to smooth out some of that bumpy road is also a between battles task.
Higher Virtue: Love:
My motivation is all this is the woman of my life now. My wife of almost thirty years. The sad thing is this relationship almost came to an end. The joyous thing is that at the last moment we both decided to give it another shot and so far it is working.
The one thing that is truly good is the realization that love does not allow you to take relationships like this for granted. You can’t assume because love is active not passive and you have to keep expressing it to have it work. I guess if there is a silver lining to all this; it is this lesson, and we both have learned it. Forgiveness is definitely a needed, but more importantly is the need to proactively keep your love growing and pure.
Morning Routine:
Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
Review Goals and Bucket List
Meditation
Full Body Stretch
Shower and Personal Hygiene
Get Dressed for the Day
I like the changes and meditation is starting to feel more normal. I did give up the lotus position thing and settle for just sitting in my chair instead but I feel that this still is a relaxed position that allows me to meditate without distraction. I still want to add candle and incense to the whole thing but it is mostly a matter of money that this hasn’t happened. This is an important thing to me and I don’t want to be cheap about it or not get something that truly works for me. It should be noted that I look forward to getting up in the morning which is one of the goals here.
Bucket List:
Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
Get My Tattoos.
Actually Get Drunk.
Smoke a Joint.
Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
Yeah, I know I can do some things on this list very quickly if I wanted to. However, as I sit here between battles and think to myself one of the harder things needs to come off of here by July. It needs to be something significant.
Weightlifting:
I am thinking of baby steps at this point. A portable dumbbell bench and a few dumbbells might get me back into the basics for muscle tone purposes. Once I know where I am working, I can look for a gym but even then a good home gym long-term is a better solution.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
The Grey Wayfarer 