Friendship

Of Wolves and Ravens – Fidelity – Noble Vulnerability

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Discussion:

I always approach the subject of fidelity with a little trepidation. One the one hand, I have not been the most loyal of husbands in the very recent past.  Having an affair kind of undercuts your credibility when it comes to lecturing anyone on the subject of fidelity.  On the flip side, while I don’t recommend doing it this way, the lessons about fidelity I have learned from others and myself during that time were quite profound. So no lecture from me.  I don’t have the moral authority here to tell you how to be loyal and show fidelity, but I do have a testimony here of some of the things I observed and learned that might help someone.  That is if you are willing to listen before the shit hits the fan for you.

Before I begin though I want to share something my wife sent me on Sunday.  When I saw this I told her thank you and that I loved her.  What she couldn’t see, because it was sent via Messenger was the tears rolling down my face. I have no idea how she loves me so much.  I just do not get it.  She is the best example of fidelity I know.

I suppose that is the first observation I can make.  That just because you are in the midst of being disloyal to someone, it doesn’t mean that they will automatically switch to being disloyal to you.  That is the high road if you ask me.  It is a rare person who can maintain fidelity to you while you are walking away from them.  When you discover this, it can be a soul wrenching moment. I don’t recommend testing people’s loyalty to you this way, but it is very revealing who really loves you and continues to love you even when you are not being the most loyal person yourself.

I also can share the tale of two friends.  I had two friends I would have considered very close at the time. Now, I want people to understand that as disloyal as I was to my wife at the time, I had this thing about loyalty to my friends and family that was still very strong. It was my marriage that was a problem to me at the time as well as my faith, but I would have marched through hell for my friends and family.

Not all the other relationships were problematic to me. I was actually depending on them to kind of get me through the crisis I was having at the time.  One friend proved that his lifelong fidelity was true. He stuck by me, confronted me and loved me no matter what.  He even kept a few secrets, although I knew he wanted to say something.  I will give the man this, loyalty, that is fidelity runs through his veins like blood.  He still remains my truest friend and for that I will be forever grateful.

The other who was a friend for almost a decade. He, on the other hand, deliberately set me up to look like I was trying to hide the affair to my congregation, and then came out and told the story himself to pass himself off as the ‘noble hero’.  You find out who your real friends are in crisis moments and I never saw that one coming.  I trusted him and that ended that day. I discovered very quickly that this person’s definition of friendship includes in his loyalty clause – “only if you agree with me and are useful to me.”  He threw our relationship away as easily as tossing a piece of paper into the trash.

This was because I had become a liability to him and I was no longer useful to him. He not only abandoned me, but he had to kick me when I was down in his self-righteous sanctimonious arrogance.  I will never trust him again.  Even my wife, who had the greatest reason to do so, didn’t try to destroy me when I was walking away and hurting.  This man did. He has nothing but my contempt now and anyone who trusts his friendship or loyalty is a fool.

My tale of two friends demonstrates fidelity in one and its lack in the other. In the end the first friend helped me see the light and the other just has contributed to my darkness.  When you see a friend struggling, even with their own loyalty to someone, you don’t demonstrate fidelity and help them by being a disloyal prick yourself.

I suppose I have to say one other thing.  Fidelity isn’t as black and white as people like to make it out to be.  Sometimes you don’t know who to be loyal to at all.  Sometimes you have to be loyal to a couple of people who are having problems with each other.  There is a world of mines in this minefield you have to tiptoe around. Relationships can be toxic or one-sided. That is because I have also learned that fidelity is the strongest thing in the world when it is right.  It is also the most fragile and explosive thing when it goes wrong.  Handle with care.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

Needs (Geri):

I have come to understand how much I need loyalty in my life. Not just people to be loyal to me but how being loyal makes me a better person.  Oddly enough, I have been loyal to some of the people, even the above unfaithful friend, since all this happened. There is a professionalism to the ministry I maintain out of loyalty and respect for helping others and for people’s privacy.  So I have a lot of confidences that were entrusted to me, that I still keep.  I know a lot of things that could be damaging to others, but I keep them to myself out of fidelity.  I refuse to be the same person my other friend was, that just because these relationships may have philosophical differences with me, or no longer have any use, I will not be a disloyal prick and reveal those secrets to damage people.

Wants (Freki):

If I want anything right now, it is to strengthen my own loyalty to those who have proven loyal to me. I don’t know any other way to demonstrate my appreciation and respect for these people than to do this.  I want a small group of friends that fidelity is strong both ways.  I think I have a few. But I need a few more.  I also want to get over the fear of making new friends, as new relationships cause me a little of the ‘who can a trust’ syndrome based on past experience. I want to get over that while remembering not everyone who says they are your friend is one, they only prove that with actions not words.

Reason (Huginn):

When I think about this rationally, Loyalty is difficult to intellectualize.  It is much more something soul felt than rationalized. At the same time, I can see rationally that without it I won’t go forward.  I just wont.

Wisdom (Muninn):

If experience teaches wisdom, then this last year is has a taught me the wisdom of fidelity. I can’t even put to words all the things I have learned.  I guess I can say this mostly though.  If you’re having a problem in your relationship with your significant other, the place you need to talk about it is with the other person. I also understand there are problems of pain and depression that keep you from doing this at times, so you have my empathy if you can’t.  I get it.  But if you can find a way, do it.  It is far better to mend the fence than have to build a new one. Fidelity demands that.

Conclusion:

I know I have little in the way of strength here at times.  I am gaining new understandings of this virtue known as fidelity all the time.  I really don’t see it as my weakest area and even last year going though my marriage issues, I still maintained fidelity with friends, family and others despite the fact it was strained in a couple of areas. One of those areas was my marriage and it is very much on the mend.  The other was my faith and like my friend who betrayed me, I think I will say that this separation in relationship will be permanent. The real struggle now is to keep searching and walking to find the truth when it comes to faith and spirituality.  But that is what this while blog is about.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Crossing Bifrost – Gods and Goddesses – Thor: God of Storms

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

Seeing I talked about him in my post on Odin last week, I figured I would talk about Thor directly this week.  Thor – God of Thunder, God of Storms. Odin is the god of rulers and leaders.  Thor is the god of the warrior and the common man.  Even in Viking times that made him more popular.  This is probably why more stories have survived about him than any other.  People loved Thor, but they feared Odin because he was the judge of the dead, along with the Valkyrie.

Thor is probably the most well known god of the Norse pantheon today becasue of comic books and movies. He is far more likely to go on action packed adventurers in our world and so people see him doing things actively and often violently. Odin is far more subtle and a master strategist.  Thor is neither. A great example of this is when he wakes up to find his wife’s hair missing. He gets up, surmises that Loki had something to do with it and then goes and physically threaten Loki to do something about it.  Odin probably would have found a way to fix the problem himself through magic and then he would have found a way to get Loki back that was far more subtle.

Thor is the god of thunder and storms.  His wife Sif is the goddess of the earth which is a common paring in most myths.  The rain watering the earth and bringing life is a common concept and it often plays itself out in rain/storm gods being paired with earth/nature goddesses. Thor’s exploits are long but the most notable are:  He welds Mjölnir (Lightning), the hammer of the gods. He is noted for his many battles with the Giants and with the world eating snake  Jörmungand, who he will battle at the and of the world Ragnarok.

Image result for norse mythology thor

Thor had many other powers, including healing,  He is said to be able to drink more mead and down more food than any other god. In mythology, he is not a blond but a red head.  He also possess the stereotypical hot-headed anger of the red head.  He wears a belt that doubles his already considerable strength.  If you are looking for a god that was a man’s man, then Thor is your god.  He was the kind of man you wanted along side you in battle and the kind of man you wanted to drink and party with as well. Not so oddly, he is also associated with fertility and was often evoke a blessing marriages for fertility.  But part of that reputation was earned outside of marriage with the fact he had many children and a lot of them were not Sif’s.

Image result for thor comic art

Our concept of Thor in our modern day is largely influenced by Marvel Comics.  Thor is a blond, blue eyed viking type.  The movies and the Comic make him very much the noble hero and try to lessen the fact that he was hot headed, slept around and partied like a boss. He is far more noble in the comics version, than he is in the mythology.

See the source image

That said I did like the fact that Chris Hemsworth decided to work out to play the character instead of doing the CGI muscles thing.  I think he was a good choice.  It is just our modern world isn’t ready for Thor as he was in mythology, because quite frankly he is fully masculine and makes no apologies for it.  Marvel’s Thor tends to be a little more pretty boy than masculine warrior.

The Thor of mythology is a little rough around the edges, where Marvel’s Thor is polished and presentable. You would be proud to take Marvel’s Thor home to your parents; if you were dating him, and they would think he was such a nice young man. The Thor of mythology, you might have to explain why the fridge is empty, the alcohol is all gone and perhaps why both you and your sister are knocked up with the same due date.

I guess I like characters though that have a little more of a subtle grey side.  Thor in any context doesn’t really have that.  He leaves that sort of thing to Loki. That’s why while I like Thor, I don’t consider him my favorite. Odin still has the honor of being my favorite Norse god. Thor however still inspires a lot of respect for his courage and loyalty to his friends.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Rogue Wizard – The Fire of Fury – Part 5 – Pixie Trouble (1)

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

Rogue Wizard’s Journal January 14th, 2019

I am writing the next few journal entries after the fact of what happened by about a week.  Mostly this is due to being held captive for the last five days. My life has definitely taken turn here that is major. But is probably best to start at the beginning.

Lunette did eventually show up.  Three days after Raven had paid her visit.  In my younger days Lunette had that sensual attractiveness of a teenage girl to me.  The prom queen type, and I was at the time the lucky nerd on her arm for most of Middle School.  High School changed all that and we became in a sense estranged.  We still were the only two magical touched beings of our class, so we found ourselves at times as uneasy allies against darker powers.  Lunette became increasingly more about herself .  More about the using of her abilities to manipulate and control others.  Yeah, I kept my distance during high school.

I don’t want to say age has mellowed Lunette, but she looks a little less confident of herself these days. She looks like a fully mature adult female.  She seemed more cautious in her actions.  More deliberate and calculated.  I could tell this from just watching her move and the way she talked. She was no longer speaking to me in passion but in very calculated thought, measuring each word.

She stopped by on the morning of January 8th; and after letting her in, I had a deja vu moment as I sat in my chair and she sat pretty much exactly where Raven had a few days ago.  I was beginning to think my life was looking up with two attractive females visiting my bachelor pad in less that a week; but then again both of them were dangerous as coiled venomous snakes.  Lunette for her part had worn a skirt with leggings but her upper body was encased in a fur coat.  Her female curves enhanced with pixie charms were damn near perfect. Those wings of her’s fluttering behind her were the major difference in the two encounters with these two females.

I didn’t really waste much time with small talk.  I was being as cautious as hell.

“OK, it seems to me we left our conversation at me asking you what you have been doing with your life since we parted.  You then looked very sheepish and then we were rudely interrupted by magical gunfire so to speak.”

Lunette then looked a little sheepish again.  She hesitated for a moment and then she opened her mouth and began.

“After I was exiled from the Grove, I wandered a bit.  Decided to pass myself off as human for a while by going to college and doing some modelling. The bills got tight as you can imagine, so I did a little exotic dancing to supplement.”

She stopped at that point and looked at me like she was fishing for a reaction.  I kept quiet, but my thoughts were she could have made that a career for a decade and retired.  Her natural pixie looks and illusion abilities would have made her a top of the line porn star for that matter. I kept my face stoic like she had simply given me the temperature outside, so she continued.

“I graduated, but I couldn’t find a job, so I began to work freelance jobs in the magical world.  Discovered I had a talent for it really.  Mostly, finding out secrets and selling them to the highest bidder. The only problem with that; as you know, is you make enemies and some of them can be pretty powerful. But I have so far navigated all that.  This war has made that more difficult.”

“Personal Relationships?”

She laughed.

“Well, I am Pixie.  You know a lot of passionate fucking, but nothing really serious or long-term.  In the pixie world being an exile makes you not so desirable as a mate for making kids. Besides, I don’t really want children. They would be too much of a liability in this line of work.”

“Yeah, I think about that myself.  If I get too involved, my kids and grand kids become targets too.  No matter what the Council says the rules of engagement are; they will go after them if I get too involved. War tends to make rules go out the window in order to achieve victory.”

“Yeah, I guess both of us are under the gun there.  My parents are gone, so it is just me though, so I guess in that regard I have an advantage over you.”

“Well, I guess I could disappear.  That wouldn’t make them safe though.  They could still be used to flush me out. No.  I just don’t know.”

Lunette nodded.  She had been sitting with her legs crossed, but now she had her knees together with her feet slightly apart and she was leaning forward.  Her fur coat was unbuttoned and so her button up shirt which was undone a few buttons on the top revealed a pretty nice view of her cleavage.  I had to admit some old feelings were starting to surface and they were more about lust than love.  Only the seriousness of the topic had been keeping them in check.

“Edward, I am sorry about what happened and how I acted toward you after middle school.  I was a brat back then.  I just had different plans and an attitude to match.”

“Well, in the end both of us were exiled for our own actions Lunette. Although I am not quite sure what I did in the end.  But she ….”

“It’s OK Edward, you don’t have to say anything.”

“So, what business are you here for?  You are on business too, not just to renew an old relationship?”

“Yes, I am. I have a client that wants to talk to you about an offer that may help you with your problem with the Council.  I am here to arrange the meeting.”

“I see, and who is your client?”

“She would rather introduce herself in person. I am just here to take you to her if you are interested.”

“I am not trying to be rude Lunette, but my trust level is a little low right now of anyone. I mean from all accounts you have a bounty on your head from several different sources. I might be being over cautious, but I think if I am going to meet this client of yours, she would have to come here where I would feel more safe.”

“I see.  Well, I am sure she would not do that.  She has her own level of paranoia that is justified.  I don’t know what else I can do to assure you this is not a trap.”

“Not sure you can.  Our relationship has been dead for a long time and even though I can feel for you about your situation, I have my own that is a little difficult as you know.  I am guessing that I would be in the presence of other magical beings, and that means outnumbered and outgunned if shit goes south.  Sorry, too much of risk for me.”

She actually looked at me like she expected that answer.  She nodded.

“Well, OK.  I get it.  I should probably get back to her and tell her.”

Lunette got up, buttoned up her coat and then she came closer to me. I took a deep breath and, before I could react, she leaned over a bit and kissed me on the cheek. I would have thought it a nice gesture of renewed friendship except I instantly felt very tired and literally collapsed to the floor losing consciousness.  The last words I heard her say as I did lose consciousness were:

“Sorry Edward, but this is for your own good.”

I remember thinking that I was a complete idiot, but then everything went black.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

 

The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 6 – Replacing Memories with Memories

/ Ed Raby Sr / 1 Comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

If you have been reading this last week an a half, you are very well aware that I am in the midst of what I what I would call a Grey Storm.  That is depression is overshadowing my life with dark clouds and a little rain. Mostly I just have been having a lot of problems feeling anything at all as I go through my day.

I mentioned that I felt this was triggered in my journal posts by some memories which were triggered in part by the time of year and by a dream.  The time of year is significant because last year at this time my organist at the church died.  He was a good friend and the last of my musicians with any real talent that I started with nine and half years previously.  Everyone I had started with in that regard was gone and I dubbed this time as the day the music died.  End of an era really for the church which really was completely true once I left.

I was really hurting and the only one who was listening to me at the time was a young woman who I ended up having an affair with.  I am not proud of this; and there are no good excuses for it, but there were reasons.  The starting point though was my organists death and reaching out at the time in friendship to her and her to me at this time last year.

The other trigger was a dream I had last Tuesday (Feb. 5th).  It was very vivid and real in its feeling.  I was walking down a downtown street. I had to find a bathroom and ducked into a restaurant.  I found the bathroom and went in a started to do my business.  While there heard someone enter the room.  They stopped behind me.  They stood there and I could feel their presence but they didn’t move. It was actually unnerving.  I finished and then turned around only to find it was the man from the church who I had considered a friend for well over nine years standing there. Now, I know he was no friend at all, and I would consider him a backstabbing liar and thief. He was smiling at me but it was a wicked smile.  He shook his head at me like a person who has judged you and has nothing but contempt.  I snorted and walked out. My general approach to any memory of this man is to basically say “Fuck you asshole” and try to push it from my mind.

As I was trying to leave the restaurant, there she was – the young lady in question sitting at the table by the door facing me.  She too was smiling.  Not in a judgmental way, just that same smile she always had when she saw me.  I couldn’t get out without going right next to her, and I couldn’t go back with the man behind me, so I went forward and sat down at the table to her left. Yes, the dream was so vivid I can remember details like this. She looked at me and the smile faded from her face as I sat down.  I tried to speak but discovered I couldn’t.  She smiled again and then sang a song.  The weird thing is, I can’t remember what it was.  I can remember everything else in great detail but the song and then she laughed.  I got up and ran out. I could feel both of them following me and then my alarm for work went off.  I was extremely thankful to be getting out of bed that morning, but the dream shook me.

Since then, I have been walking a Grey Storm. Normally dreams fade from my mind until in a week I can’t remember them, but not this one. It was so vivid and real, I just can’t shake it.  I find that the only thing that helps is thinking about other memories that are more pleasant.  Replacing memories with memories.

Today is February 15th.  That probably has the significance to many of you as the day after Valentine’s Day.  To me it has a little more meaning as 30 years ago this is the day  I proposed to my wife. I had chickened out the night before.  But then I knew that I wanted her in my life forever and I took a brave pill.  I asked her the next day in the front seat of my old 1979 LTD.  The rest is history.  It was a great day for me.  One right now that I hold close to my mind, so I can’t see or feel the others that are not so good.

Only time will tell if this technique of using good memories of the long past will help with the memories of the recent past. I am also hoping new memories of the future will help as well.  I need some wins and some success.  I just hate times like this where everything is in autopilot and I am just walking without feeling. My heart and soul going into shutdown mode and staying numb, so I don’t feel pain. At least for now, the good memories of the past pull me out of the numb for a bit.

I suspect there will be more The Grey and The Wayfarer posts.  They will probably increase in frequency from now until the end of summer.  Mostly, I hope to remember some good things to keep out the bad, but I know me.  This is going to be a love/hate year when it comes to memories. and so The Grey will be ever present, like it or not.

Walking the Grey,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

 

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – Running a Tight Ship

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

This week has been a simple assessment of how to keep the virtues going during times of The Storm or The Grey.  Depression to the rest of you. Foundational Virtues make sure that I am facing The Storm with courage, honor and truth.  I am not running from it.  Business Virtues mean I stay on course.  I did point out the problem here was having a course and I think I have started to take that. Where the Self Virtues come in is the notion of running a tight ship.

The idea is that you stay disciplined, keep doing what needs to be done and trust your crew but make sure everyone is doing their job, including you. Right now keeping  my self together is running a tight ship and it is what will probably help me get to the end of this time of feelings.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

The Routines, the daily doing of things that I am trying to make into habits are what helps here.  It is what keeps my life from going completely ape shit.  This state would lead to shipwreck because things would start to full apart and The Grey Storm would then take over.  Nothing good then would happen.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

You keep going.  I get the definition of defeat and failure being a part of this, but there is a part of me that also understands perseverance is also going forward despite resistance. You keep sailing and you keep the sail trim.  You keep rowing when the wind is contrary or non-existent.  You don’t let circumstances stop you from making progress.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

All ships have a crew.  Even though this whole analogy means looking at my life, I couldn’t get where I am without support.  I just keep my circle small and value loyalty more than numbers these days.  It is hard sometimes when I get in The Grey Storm to do the proper maintenance of those relationship even though they are few in number.  So I go do it anyway.  That can be the hard part.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom: 

Wisdom – it’s a difficult thing sometimes to figure out what it is.  I have had many trying times these last few weeks.  Mostly though I have come to realize that doing things as a matter of habit can help you keep yourself together when you really just want to go back to bed.  It is not a wise course to set to just quit. It just makes things worse.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week
  4. Writing – 4 times a week
  5. Cheat Meal Count – Currently 1

There is a real practical problem with this routine and that is some of the things are just missing. The Cheat Meal Count is very low and I am sure I have broken it this week with Valentine’s Day, The Grey and so on.  Cleaning and Writing have been good. but that is about it.  I really need the snow to go away and to get some sort of weights in my life again.

Evening Routine:

  1. Take supplements and medications.
  2. Brush and Floss Teeth
  3. Out the Door Preparation
  4. Reading – 15 min.
  5. Go to Bed

If I get the notion to do this right after my evening meal, it gets done.  The real challenge is thinking about it at that time.  I need some way to remind me consistently.  Reading has been nice at the end of the day, but I did take some time with this to watch movies with the wife instead.

Nutrition:

I may have to modify things here.  The intermittent fasting goes pretty well. I get up and food stays away until I have been up eight hours or so. The real issue is the Paleo Diet and finding things that are quick and easy.   The last month here is going to be tight but I am not sure practically I can get rid of all carbs.  I would like to, but eating with my wife and making dinner with her means carbs get in and I eat them.  So I might stay at one cheat meal a week and one carb source a day for the duration but I might extend the intermittent fasting to more hours a day or I might simply eat less each meal.  My 50th Birthday is very soon and I want to see how healthy I can be and look by then.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational –  I don’t perceive a problem here with myself.  I actually feel this part was what helped me though this week the most. I probably will do another “The Grey and The Wayfarer soon that reflects the last week and a half, but I can say now that it is my sense of courage and honor that kept me going this week.

Business – I think I have identified the core problem which is a lack of vision for my new career.  I need at least basic compass direction and I think I have done that this week by heading down a business path. I want to keep writing as a side career.  It might take off and be my business someday, but until then I think I at least can board the ship I call my life and say – ‘were heading this direction”.  What we will find may still be a mystery, but then again that is kind of the point of an adventure.

Self –  This has been a struggle, but through the struggle I have found a sense of keeping things together.  Don’t get me wrong, I have messed up on this week at times. But it is the times I do get the routines done and do what needs to be done and keep going that I have found my way through The Grey Storm. It has been good overall.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – Finding Peace and Rest (Part 3)

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

Concluding this week of Finding Peace and Rest we end with the Self Virtues.  The Foundational Virtues provide overall philosophy and the Business Virtues provide dealing with others.  Self Virtues are primarily about dealing with one’s own self and thus that is where they provided peace and rest. I feeling of personal calm and serenity is the goal here.  The image of the meditating warrior who is at peace with himself and thus at rest is what is evoked here.

Self Virtues provide Peace and Rest through habit and a positive mental state.  I could say that even when I am at work, I am at peace and I am at rest when these virtues are still in the front of my mind. Discipline provided peace and rest because it eliminates worry and confusion as it step by disciplined step helps me grow and come to terms with what I am trying to become. Perseverance will of course will not allow me to be defeated, which means I will win and find that peace and rest on the other side of victory. Fidelity provides rest in that I know I am loyal to those who have shown loyalty to me, and rest because I can find rest in knowing where I stand with each person.

With these in place a full picture comes to mind of a meditating warrior king on his throne, presiding over a prosperous kingdom at peace and at rest from war. This is not chance but living of all the Nine Noble Virtues (NNV).

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Discipline is what leads to habit and habits re-sculpt us into what we want to be. In my mind bad habits are simple discipline gone bad. Good habits are the result of discipline that is directed toward an image of what you want to be. Applying this to everything it can be applied to has been a wonderful challenge. The thing here is that I will continue to do so so that one day when I get the chance to help develop others again, I will have the insight to do so.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

If there is one virtue that comes so naturally it is like breathing, it is perseverance. I guess my family has a little to do with this as ancestrally we don’t quit. But the day personally this was really put to the test was the day I got up for my second football practice in High School.  That took a lot of perseverance and it is a character trait that has stuck with me ever since. Right now it is helpful as memories of past failures are constant but I keep going despite them.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Who has been loyal to me?  They get my loyalty in return.  That circle is small and elite. This virtue has at least the simplicity of being easy to understand. Harder to execute sometimes.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom: 

Wisdom is not hard here when you get a look at the big picture of Peace and Rest.  life always has the challenges to living and survival and the goal of peace and rest is difficult at times at best.  Mostly though it is the choosing of the right path where wisdom is most needed. It is these crossroads and forks in the road of life that peace of mind and rest of spirit puts you in the best frame of life to make good decisions.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week
  4. Writing – 4 times a week
  5. Cheat Meal Count – Currently 2

The truth is weightlifting and walking are non-existent right now but I keep them on the list as a constant reminder of what is needed yet.  Cleaning and Writing go off without a hitch most weeks and the cheat meal count has worked well this week and it keeps me mindful of where I am at with that.  I am thinking that I can start to collect dumbbells for the purpose of weightlifting.  Walking is really not a problem when the weather is nicer.  I wish I had winter gear worth a damn but right now the cold and snow are extreme in Michigan, so no walking for me. Spring is a couple of months away.

Evening Routine:

  1. Take supplements and medications.
  2. Brush and Floss Teeth
  3. Out the Door Preparation
  4. Reading – 15 min.
  5. Go to Bed

This is a challenge like I thought it would be.  I think the trigger for the routine needs to be supper time.  That is when so far it has worked the best when I go right from eating to the routine. There is a gap sometimes between reading and going to bed that way but at least it gets done.

Nutrition:

The big change this week is that I will be tightening up the diet starting Sunday to one cheat meal a week and one carb source a day. This won’t be normal, but it is the lead in for building up to being in the best shape I can be in for my birthday.  The month before that the goal is no carbs for a month. Intermittent fasting is now pretty much every day as I don’t eat the first eight hours after I wake up.  So far this is not hard.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – This weeks theme of peace and rest starts here.  Honor, Courage and Truth are what leads to both and I am learning how much that is true.

Business – I am starting to have a vision of what I want to be and things are moving forward. I seek the rest and peace of Self-reliance, Industriousness and Hospitality. I feel optimistic about this area of my life.

Self – I still struggle with personal peace at times.  Made harder by the fact this time last year a lot of shit started and I am struggling with the memories of it. Mostly it was a lot of wasted emotional investment and struggle.  That said, I feel I am on the right path on this.  Just have to walk through The Grey.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Skald Tales and Poems – Poem – “Soul Blood”

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

“Soul Blood”

I remember in the heat of summer,

where blood poured from my soul.

Wounds received from terrible blades

from the front, behind and within.

 

Shades of crimson flecked with gold

Pooling beneath my feet and pouring over my hands

As they tried to stop the bleeding.

Vainly they tried.

 

Weak I was on my knees

Destroyed and anemic

My heart slowing

Empty, alone, dying

 

Echos of the voices that wielded the blades – mocking me

A good friend becomes betrayer

A lover becomes a stranger

My own silent faith, echoing in my ears.

 

For days I bled, with no hope.

Until the one I betrayed saw my wounds

She did not raise her own blade in vengeance

Rather she touched my soul with her healing hand.

 

The bleeding stopped just in time.

Her own soul blood poured into me and restored my soul

She closed the wounds with stitches of compassion

I now bleed no more.

 

The scars remain forever

Reminders of who wasn’t true.

But my soul’s blood pumps strong once more

Reminding me of she who became my Eir

A Poem by Edward W. Raby, Sr. – January 14th, 2019

Author Notes:

O have written this poem over the last week or so.  Finishing it on the 14th of January 2019.

In this poem I have been trying to capture the feelings of the month of August 2018.  Feelings that are strong and were at the time devastating. I came up with the title of soul-blood as a way describe it.  I then ran with the concept.

Emotionally this was difficult as one as on the one hand every time I write a poem I am reminded of the person who helped me understand and write them better.  “Lover becomes a stranger” is her line and it still hurts to think on it.  The scar throbs when I write a poem because of her, so to speak.

One the other hand, I have for the first time ever in this poem truly used my wife as an inspiration for the poem.  She is my Eir.  Eir being the Valkyrie known for her healing ability.  My wife became my Eir that month.  She has been so ever since and of all people she had the least reason to take on that role.  The Valkyrie I waited for at the time was her in the end.

Hope you enjoy this poem and I always appreciate comments on my poems as I still am very new to this.

Thanks for reading,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – Being a Father

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day. It is the 9th Night of Yuletide.  This day is sacred to fathers and the All-Father Odin.  This is the day we remember fathers and honor them.  The Virtue remembered today is indeed Honor.  I find it interesting that in Norse mythology for mothers the virtue is Industriousness but for fathers it is Honor. There is something very profound in that if you meditate on it.

Journal Entry:

I was sitting Wednesday at a restaurant with my son who lives in New York but who is home for the holidays. I couldn’t help be very proud of him as I watched him handle his daughter who is ten months old.  It was an introspective moment and one where I found myself both challenging and upholding my honor a little.

I have not always been the greatest example of fatherhood.  Recent events in this last year give little cause for my children to be proud of me.  But at the same time as I look at my children, I have little cause not to be proud of them and I have to say whatever my wife and I did in raising them, turned out really good in the end. They are all three of them good children. They are good human beings and I couldn’t be more proud of them all.

Fatherhood is an ever-changing role.  Now I content myself with being as good a grandfather as I can be, and a friend to my children that they know they can always count on if they need me.  One day, I will be the Patriarch of the family in truth (May my mother remain the Matriarch for years to come) but for me that is more about influence than authority.  I just hope to be fondly remembered at this point and so work to make memories in their lives to that end.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

There is one change I am considering and that is one of having an evening routine.  I have always found these the most challenging because when I get to the point where my bed is calling me it is usually overpowering of any other thing I would need to do. Such a routine would have a little hygiene as well as preparation for the day to come.  It would be a short routine because anything long would not get done.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Looking back at this year, this being the last entry for Self Virtues this year, I still stand amazed that I am still standing. I am a much different man than the one who started the year. I can’t really describe the transformation but the one thing I think I have demonstrated without fail is that I will never, ever quit. I will walk The Grey and get up after every time I am knocked down. I keep coming and I will not quit.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

I suppose along with the lessons of perseverance, the lessons this year involving fidelity have been pretty extreme. With my wife I have learned that love may not be able to fix broken oaths, but it can start to forge something new that is stronger from the pieces. From this year I also have learned fidelity is not always given even when expected.  I have lost a lot of friends this year.  I also had someone I thought was a good friend betray me.  I loved someone who obviously didn’t share that in return.  I have had the whole gambit of stuff done in return to me.  I guess some might call it karma coming back on me for my own lack of fidelity.  In truth though I only betrayed one person and that person still is loyal to me despite it and she forgave me.  Yes, I have learned a lot this year about fidelity, perhaps too much and the wrong way.  But, the lessons are learned and I will go forward.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

Man, not lifting a walking has not had as much of a negative effect as I thought it would.  Physically, by keeping the nutrition solid, I still feel and look good.  I still have improvement that could be done, but I am not in danger of going backwards yet. That said, from a spiritual/emotional point of view, I definitely miss both.

Nutrition:

Nutrition took a step forward this week with my limits being tightened a little.  The effect was to make me instantly aware of how close I come right now to going over both on carb count for the day and cheat meals.  That said, it is the holidays so it is harder but I also give myself those holiday cheat days for free.  The real test will be after new year.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – Courage, Honor and Truth are becoming more than words to me at last.  There is some meaning to them as I hit the end of the year.

Business – Self-Reliance, Industriousness and Hospitality are becoming more than words to me too.  The philosophy of Asatru is beginning to sink in and I must say it really appeals to who I really am.

Self – Discipline, Perseverance and Fidelity have all been a struggle this past year, but that is what each day of the future is for – to improve and grow virtue.  That is my ultimate quest.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

 

A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues – Family Values

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Wooden’s Day. It is also the 7th Night of Yuletide.  This night is sacred to Thor and Children.  There is an idea here of resurrection and renewal.  The idea of continuation in this night with children being the future and Thor’s sacrificing his two goats with his hammer for food and then raising them back to life the next morning as part of the mythology.  Thus the basis for the virtue of Fidelity, which is remembered tonight,  which is continuation and legacy.

Journal Entry:

I guess the only thoughts worth considering this week were the continued questions of faith with the whole Christmas thing. It is very strange, in a getting used to it sense, to not be celebrating Christmas in the sense I used to celebrate it.  That is celebrating the incarnation of Christ.  I just don’t buy that anymore. So I move along with people wishing me Merry Christmas and me saying ‘Happy Holidays’ in return and not getting bent out of shape about it either way.  There is a pagan part of me that wants to say ‘Blessed Yuletide’ back but perhaps this isn’t the time for me to do that yet. I have a lotto sort out yet regarding my faith.

The truth is though I want any holiday to be a time of community and family. So it is better not be an ass about it and move along given that most of my family is Christian including my wife.  It was weird Christmas Eve as it was the first time in a long time that I wasn’t at a candlelight service.  Instead I let my wife go alone and I stayed at home.  I spent the time thinking and meditating on a few things.

The one thing I will probably be doing in between writing fiction is working on The Book of Rabyd.  You can find an older incarnation of this book here: The Book of Rabyd.  The design was a book of principles, wisdom and sayings of the family passed down through the years.  I was reworking it on the Microphone.  I am going to try to rework it again as it needs to be updated. It is the basis for the values of the family.  It is also my legacy to my children and grandchildren.

The one thing though that starts today is the active seeking of a new job.  Time for me to be about the Business Virtues and pursuing my goals.

Self-Reliance:

“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”

Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.

The issue as always is to be independent.  To not be reliant on others for my life and lifestyle. This extends to my family as well, and that it is just my wife and I in practicality.  The hope is to be debt free and prosperous to the point we don’t need anyone’s help to stand on or own two feet. So far so good, but more needs to be done for the future’s sake.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.

Funny thing is as much as I bitch about work with my fellow employees, I actually am starting to enjoy working for work sake. Now I just need to find something I enjoy doing as well for its sake and mine.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.

You know, we are getting to the point where fiends over for dinner and a movie is not beyond the realm of possibility.  if I only had some friends that were local. I hoping through a new job to find some.  I just still have this problem of trusting people after being betrayed.

 Daily Routine:

  1. Communication / Cuddle Time
  2. Blogging
  3. Reading / Study – 1 hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
  4. Writing – 1000 words/day outside the Blogging.
  5. Empty In Box
  6. Financial Transaction Input

This new routine is working out better.  I still think though that another change is in order in the writing department. That’s why I added the Writing part.  Time to start working on that novel and perhaps my career as a writer.

Goals: 

  1. Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship.
  3. Find a new, better paying job by the end of January 2019 or before.
  4. In 2019 have  a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
  5. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  6. Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
  7. Follow Paleo Diet completely and use intermittent fasting until the end of 2019
  8. Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)
  9. Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.

# 3 is front and center and # 6.  Both I hope to get going very soon, Once Number 3 and 2 are finished I will consider myself on my way to my new chapter of my life.  Goals: achieved since Summer 2018: 1

Budgeting: 

  1. Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
  2. Debt Snowball
  3. Fully funded Emergency fund
  4. Invest 15% of income into retirement
  5. Pay off Home Early
  6. Build Wealth and Give

I think the real reason we are following this is because both of us can agree to it. It will work we just need to up the income side of things.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – A Strong Soul

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

I someone would ask me how I feel right now, I would tell them tired but still strong. It’s my soul that is tired. probably because of the fact I just don’t quit.  I do need this Yuletide time to be a time of rest and celebration. I need to be able to breathe for a bit.

Image result for sleep doesn't help if the soul is tired vikings

My goal is strength of soul more than anything else when it comes to myself.  My soul has been bruised, bleed out. battered, betrayed and a whole host of other things this past year.  I suppose though the fact that it is still alive and standing is a testimony to my perseverance if nothing else. Of course some of those wounds were self-inflicted too so my soul, heart and mind have a lot of arguments these days.  I do feel healing is something I am experiencing when I get the chance but it is not so much healing I need right now; but rather, to feel that my soul is getting stronger and stronger every day.  That the blood that was drained from it is starting to return.

I know I am using a lot of metaphors, but in describing what I am trying to get across it is pretty much what I am left with.  I suppose though if I do ever find my strength again of soul I will be stronger than before.  If that which does not kill you makes you stronger, then by the holy powers I am going to be a lot stronger.  A helluva lot stronger.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

The one thing I am glad for, because it has kept me sane and focused, is the various discipline I keep putting in my life.  Some things might seem weird to discipline like making sure I cuddle/communicate with my wife for at least ten minutes a day when possible.  Not something people normally see on a self-discipline routine of any type, but it is important to do given all that has happened.  Making sure things are good on all fronts.

I am going to do one thing this break which is reassess everything on my routines and disciplines lists.  Going over my goals, the bucket list and everything else will take priority as well.  As we come to the end of the year, it important to be clear about what the objectives are for the next one.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Sometimes when I keep getting up from defeat and failure, I wonder if it is perseverance or stupidity.  Part of my wants to say I have had enough and its time to throw in the towel.  Unfortunately or fortunately, that isn’t part of my makeup.  Quitting is never an option for me.

Image result for sleep doesn't help if the soul is tired vikings

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

I think, in the future I will benefit from the lessons of fidelity I have learned this year.  My own weaknesses in it are still evident when it comes to faith and my marriage based on last years performance.  That’s a fair and honest assessment. but out of that failure I have found a new understanding of fidelity.  That is, I know if I am being true to what I feel about those relationships, than being loyal to them is not a problem.

I have also learned what kind of friends I want in my life because true colors were shown very quickly and I guess now I am much more cautious who I give my friendship to these days. I don’t want to be the kind of ‘friend’ that others were to me this past year.  ‘Friends’ only when you can do something for them or your friendship makes them look good.  Perhaps there is another lesson in keeping my circle small and tight here. Probably very likely.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

I miss weightlifting right now.  I plan on joining a new gym on Monday and getting back at it, so I am hopeful that this part will start not only to keep my body strong but my soul as well. I need my mediation of iron.  Walking may be the treadmill every day for a bit until the weather gets better and I can use the trials again.  Cleaning is pretty consistent and it keeps my minimalist self from going nuts.

Nutrition:

So far the carb counting and cheat meal counting has worked.  I haven’t gone over at any time. With that said, things are going to start to get more tight after the holidays are over.  It’s at this point things will be put to the test and I must say the goal of looking as best I can is starting to be very real to me.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – Weary but good.  This week marks the end of another semester of school.  Graduation tomorrow, but I still have some work to do. I need to be very truthful about myself in the coming weeks as well as make good courageous and honorable decisions going into the new year.

Business –  I am coming to the end of a stage of life here and trying to start a new one.  My former career of ministry is done and I need to embrace a new one.  Now I just need to find that path. Thankfully I have learned for a long time the importance of work and being industrious.  I have learned to work toward being self-reliant and now it is time to gain enough prosperity to be hospitable to those who need it.

Self – Strength needs to be recovered here but I think the path I am on that involves fidelity, discipline and perseverance will help me.  The goal in the end is to be a proud Viking soul that is prosperous and strong.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!