Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day
Disclaimer: The topics covered in Freya’s Chambers include serious discussions of sex, sexuality and related issues. If it isn’t your thing; you can move along, otherwise enjoy and feel free to discuss. Given the nature of some subjects be prepared for nude images as there may be some. I avoid genitalia as a general rule but is not always possible.
Polyamory is an interesting topic because it calls into question the need for societal mores in relationship to romance and sex. I have looked at the subjects of polygamy in the Bible and other related issues and came to the conclusion that from a Biblical point of view as long as everyone was in a marriage relationship and there was no homosexual activity, the Bible allowed for it. But now that I would say the Bible is out and I am looking for a more rational viewpoint of romance and relationships in sexual content. Along these lines there are only three considerations: 1) Is is consensual, 2) have reasonable precautions been implemented, 3) Are the people involved emotionally and mentally mature enough to handle the relationship.
Polyamory is pretty much about the consensual sex and romance with multiple partners. Unlike many relationships that are multi individual in nature, this is out in the open and everyone agrees to it. There is no ignorance and no one is being forced to be a part of it and no one is being placed in a position where they have to hide anything. It is really the way freedom should be in that there are no restrictions and no secrets. Polyamory passes the first test as that is the point of it – multiple consensual relationships without secrets.
The second issue is that of reasonable precautions being taken. The two main issues are STDs and pregnancy. In reading a majority of practitioners of polyamorous relationships the STD question is part of the reason they desire openness as far as no secrets and this means everyone gets to talk about it and when someone new is brought in they have a lot of questions and those in such relationship tend to stay in a prescribed circle because it is more than just them they are protecting. In any case, the whole point is to establish a boundary and stay within it even though the relationship is polyamorous. Letting someone in that boundary is a group decision and that’s a pretty effective protection against STDs.
In the case of pregnancy what you read is pretty much either the whole group takes responsibility for the children if they happen or everyone agrees it is group decision as well to open up the possibility if one of the girls wants to get pregnant. Until then the girl needs to be responsible for her own reproductive system and quite frankly in the modern western world, there is really no excuse for an unwanted pregnancy anymore. There really isn’t and that means the statement “My body; my choice” comes with the counter – “Your choice, your responsibility.” In any case, from the standpoint of polyamory, this is another group discussion.
If you are starting to get the idea that communication has to be very high in these kinds o relaitonships I would say ‘correct’. It shows people in such relationships have to meet the final criteria of being emotionally mature enough to handle the fact that you are loved by many and love many. Jealousy, control, and envy can’t really be present. You have to be happy when you are being loved by someone and when they love someone else. You have to love the love you receive and get and are also loving enough to let others love each other.
More directly, you have to be Ok with the fact that the guy or gall you had sex with that night could be having sex with someone else in the relationship that morning. While you could make love to another person that same morning. The sexual options are one of the main reasons that people get in these relationships and most of the polyamorous writers I have read don’t believe that humans are naturally monogamous. That reality accepted they simply are being honest in the relationship they have entered.
I put this under sexual orientation for the simple reason that is it possible that some people are sexually oriented to be open lovers? To be people who can love many people and make love to many people without being possessive or close-minded or even manipulative? Is it possible that one sexual orientation is a ‘natural lover’? I have to think it is possible and I can’t see any reason to think evil of such people because of it.
I guess the honesty of this type of relationship is a step up by quite a bit from the sneaking around and cheating that is also polyamorous but no one but the cheater is aware of it. That is far more dangerous and disastrous than a group of people who say ‘let’s just set all the secrecy aside and be open about the fact all of us love more than one person here’. It is the consent and agreement to the simple idea that some people are romantically and sexually capable of loving more than one person at once, and that is entirely OK and you don’t have to stop doing it.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.