The Grey Wayfarer (Fantasy Serial) -Chapter 4 – Three Gifts (Odin)

Happy Saturn’s Day

Odin frowned.  The whole situation was an odd one.  The man called Beorn Erickson was certainly a brave man.  Magic that can cross the boundaries of world is no small matter and to take on the risk of death was worthy of Valhalla.  The man had courage, if he died in battle the Valkyrie would certainly take him.  Freya would probably do it herself.  Beorn was an old name but Odin had already started to call him his title – The Grey Wayfarer.  It was easier to think of him that way as the man who might bring about Ragnarök.

Odin sat in his chair in front of the fire, pondering.  Frigg was busy getting some gifts ready for The Wayfarer.  Gifts that had been prepared long ago but now needed to be presented.  Foresight was a terrible thing to live with.  The Grey Wayfarer was a man whose death would bring the end, if all the visions Frigg and himself had seen were true.  That last vision of Fenrir’s jaws closing about him had haunted his dreams.

Beorn completely recovered in a couple of days  He was walking about and stretching his limbs.  Odin gave him some small-clothes as well a tunic to wear around the cabin. He certainly had a good appetite and the wolves and ravens had taken a liking to him.  Probably mostly due to the fact that like Odin, the Wayfarer gave them meat as treats.  The two of them would converse and Odin had learned a great deal.

Beorn had acquired the amulet from a wizard of sorts.  He had begun to only suspect its power and then he finally did try to use it a couple of times.  One test had resulted in a great deal of pain.  The time it actually did work, it was extremely painful.  There was a price in pain to be paid to change worlds.  Odin nodded and approved.  He himself had paid the price for knowledge a couple of times.  His missing eye reminded him sometimes sacrifices had to be made.

Finally the day came where the Wayfarer would receive his gifts.  Odin would then set him on the path.

“Beorn, tomorrow you will set out on a journey.  Frigg and I always will offer you hospitality, but there are greater forces at work and your arrival will not be unobserved by those who know magic.”

“I understand.  I too am anxious to begin.  I have felt this wandering in my feet for a long time.  It’s why I came here.  I am looking for something and I don’t know what it is.”

“Destiny is not fate.  Your choices are your own and they will show you the path. I can show you the way, but not your ultimate destination.  I also would not send you on this path without aid.  It is perilous and you can still die.  There is no fate here, just emotion that says certain ends will take place.  We see your end but not the journey.  That journey could be short or long. That is up to you.”

“I must All-Father, thank you and Frigg for your hospitality.  I thank you for your advice and the information you provided me,  I suspect my journey will be long and interesting.”

“You are welcome.  This is only one of my dwellings.  Valhalla is another.  Asgard is still the realm of the gods.  You walk now in Midgard but all the nine realms are represented here.  Remember that and those that dwell in each place.  It may very well be that your path will touch all of them. But now, there are three gifts we wish to give you.”

The first gift was a set of traveling clothes.  It was pants, tunic, boots of leather, a belt of leather.  There was a cape to go over the shoulders that had a hood that could be pulled over the head. The cloth was made of an unknown fabric. Beorn couldn’t place it.  It was a medium grey color.  The whole thing from head to toe. It was comfortable and fit him like a glove.

“The fabric is unique, one of Frigg’s inventions.  It will keep you somewhat warm from the cold but also breathes very well in the heat.  It will keep you from getting wet.  Of course if you fall in a river it will need to dry off but it is resistant to dampness and the elements.  It won’t mold or rot. Is it comfortable?”

“Yeah, like it was tailored for me.”

Frigg was standing behind Odin and she smiled.

“Good. Now I would not set you out on a journey without a way to protect yourself.  So I give you this.”

Odin stood and crossed the room and retrieved a staff of ash wood that had been leaning on the side of the fireplace.

“Like my spear, this staff is made from the ash wood of the world tree. It has other powers but I cannot tell you exactly what they are.  You must discover them as you go on your journey.  For now it is a strong staff and a thus a good weapon to fend off those that would try to rob you or the beasts that would try to eat you.”

Odin handed the staff to Beorn, who when he touched it swore he saw runes appear along it briefly.  The shimmered in a glowing white and then were gone. He looked at Odin.

“Like I said, it has powers, you must discover them.”

Odin sat back down.  Frigg left the room, when she returned she was holding a satchel like handbag. It was made of grey leather.

“I had Frigg make this for you.  Take off your cape and drape it across your shoulder.  Yes, like that.  This satchel is much larger on the inside than it appears outside.  It also reduces the weight of what is inside it significantly.  You can carry a lot in it and it won’t encumber you much.  If you ever get a sword or axe, you can wear them to the appropriate side with the satchel on the other.

“All-Father and Lady Frigg, thank you.  I do not know how to repay your kindness to me or why you are giving it.”

“We have our reasons, but we cannot say what they are.  I can only say these things will make your journey easier in some ways.  Other things we have foreseen will be painful no matter what gift we give.  I suspect the other gods will either help or hinder your journey as they see fit. I trust I do not have to warn you that all of them are here in this place.  Be mindful of who you are dealing with.  The legends you may know may contain some truth but also may contain some falsehoods.”

“I understand All-Father.”

Odin looked at Frigg, seem to hesitate and then he spoke again.

“One last thing.  That amulet is more powerful than you know. It does much more than you have discovered. It is a key that opens doors and allows you, as you have already discovered, to cross boundaries.  Do not take this power lightly and know that many will try to take it from you.  Guard it well.  My advice would be to never take it off.”

Beorn nodded.

That night Frigg laid out a fine meal.  A feast really for the three of them. Odin of course only drank the mead as he never eats.  But Frigg and The Grey Wayfarer ate and all three of them had pleasant conversation.  They agreed that at morning light Beorn would set out on his journey.

After Beorn went to bed.  Odin sat in his chair pondering.  The flames of the fire danced in his eye.  Frigg found her way to his side and placed his hand on his shoulder.  He looked at her and smiled. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her to his lap where she sat wrapping her arms around his neck.  They kissed each other.  After a moment of holding one another Frigg stood up and headed to their bedchamber.

Odin smiled as he watched her walk away.  After all these years, her moving curves still pleased him.  He thought to himself that no greater wife could a man find.  He downed the last of the mead in his cup.  He stroked the ears of his wolves for a minute. Then he stood himself and followed Frigg to the bedchamber. Both the ravens followed him with their eyes.  They cawed softly.  He looked back at them and nodded.  The Grey Wayfarer would begin his journey on the morrow and everything would change.  He entered the bedchamber, the curtain falling behind him.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Rogue Wizard: The Fire of Fury – Part 1 – Past Reflections

Happy Saturn’s Day 

Rogue Wizard’s Journal – January 1st, 2019

2018 was one bad year.  I mean I did finishing my degree at school, I am now looking for a new job in earnest and I have an internship to complete.  But there was also losing my faith, my ministry as a pastor, almost losing my marriage and all the crap of the rest of it.  Honestly, I am glad 2018 behind me and hope that 2019 is better.  I guess why I am starting this journal thing is I want to see what happens and chronicle it for a lot of reasons.  It should be noted that each entry could be my last.

That is one reason I am doing this journal.  The Council made me do this thing where I chronicled my past from the time I got my magical abilities until I set them aside in my late teens.  I guess I got used to writing the chronicles of my life and now that I have once again taken up the mantle of ‘wizard’, I think it might be helpful for posterity sake. Particularly if something happens to me, that I can leave a record of my battle against the tyranny that is the Council.  I may have had to leave my family behind at some point and go underground to protect them.  I hope this journal will explain things to them if it finds itself in their hands.  Seeing it can only be seen and touched by someone who shares my lineage, it might remain hidden from the Council and find its way to them.

My recent magical troubles started with the death of a person who I shared a protective link with; which meant the protection that link gave me from discovery vanished.  My innate magical abilities could be detected and I was indeed captured by the Council because I was unaware this had happened.  I wasn’t really captured, so much as constantly being watched and warned not to try to run.  House arrest you might say.

During this time I was asked, not too politely to chronicle the story of how I discovered my powers, what people influenced my magical abilities and why I set them aside. I did this and it was of immense interest to them but the joke was on them.  I put a spell in the ink that very few know.  It basically sets itself on fire once the spell’s trigger is cast.  All those journal entries, up in smoke as soon as the last entry was written and read.  Lost forever.

I also pretty much gave the middle finger to the Council with my final entry. “Come get me bitches.”  Probably not the wisest thing to do. Well they did, but they miss fired and hit my wife instead.

“Sorry, sir.  Your wife is dead and we are damned if we can find a cause.”

Terrible words to hear, seeing my wife and I had just reconciled after almost getting a divorce. But I knew the cause, magic.  I could practically smell it and at the funeral when I was finally left alone with her body, a quick magic spell told me I was right – some sort of death spell.  I also at that moment knew that neither I nor my family was safe. I could mourn my wife to the point of being vulnerable or turn the love I had for her into motivation to act.  I chose the latter.

To my family who may find this – I love you, but I am sure that the Council would kill every single one of you to get to me.  I may have to leave to protect you because I love you. I can’t say anything because the less you know about where I might go and where I might be the better.

The fact my wife died on November 1st is probably fitting as it is All Saints’ Day. I am not much of a Christian anymore, but my wife is probably the best example of Christian forgiveness I know.  It has only been a short time but a lot has happened.

I used her life insurance to pay all our debts and finish off our apartment lease.  I was in constant fear most of this time that the Council would try again but I have remained calm. Done what need to be done and now that school is over, I have little to do except continue to look for a job.  I have enough life insurance left to hold me over for six months with everything paid off, so there is no immediate rush. I have an internship to do in the spring term, so I am going to do that.

The real puzzle I am having in my head is why the Council has not tried again?  I can’t figure it, as I was sure they would try right after their misfires.  That death spell is necromancy of the first order and that means the Death Angels – The Council’s number one hit squad.  I mean they could have attacked and had it out with me by now but in truth I haven’t even detected any magical presence nearby.  It is a puzzle.

I am not afraid of that final confrontation one way or the other.  I have discovered my abilities have not really suffered that much in the interim.  I mean I need to practice a little to get my skills back up, but my raw naked magical ability is still up there.  This is particularly true in schools of magic known as evocation and abjuration.  For the layperson, that means I am really good and burning, electrifying and freezing shit and protecting myself with shields that nullify from the same, as well as protect me from other forces.  I am good and Divination but not great, so I can discern and detect things with magic.  Illusion is weak, like feeble weak.  I suck at conjuration, enchantment and transmutation, so only the most basic spells in those schools I can do. I have never even tried necromancy – not even a single spell.

I am actually quite unusual in this regard that I can do two schools with a great deal of power and skill.  Most mages have one and maybe a secondary.  I really have two, and a secondary along with other small abilities in the rest except Necromancy. I refuse to go Necromancy, so I don’t really know there.  Hey, I may be rogue wizard but a trip to the dark side is not in the cards – yet.

My battle abilities ready, they have yet to be recently tested.  So, I break out my books of magic and study.  I set my wards to block detection and my security runes using evocation.  My office room in the apartment now looks more like a wizards lab.  Thankfully the landlady doesn’t have reason to even talk to me seeing I paid my rent to the end of summer.  At least the rest of the place is clean. It’s the one thing I am OCD about.

The real problem is all my former contacts in the magical world are either dead, far away, estranged from me or I have no idea where they might be. I am really blind when it comes to intelligence and I am pretty much friendless in the magical world.  Well not completely without friends in the magical world – there is Nevermore.

Nevermore is my familiar – He is a Raven.  Just today I pulled him out of his pocket dimension and he looked at me with the most quizzical expression.  Then I remembered it had been thirty years to me, but to Nevermore time had not passed.  He knew it was me because of our bond, but he was probably wondering why his young friend looked so old.  I told him the story and apologized to him for waiting so long to revive him.  He cawed softly.  I stroked his head.  At least I wasn’t completely alone.

I could look for allies,  I mean the Grove is just of couple miles away; I still live in Redberg.  That said, I know I was banned for life from the Grove. All I would get would be spears and swords, if I went there. Yeah, no hope in that direction. The entity that rules that place shut me out a long time ago and quite frankly seeing her again would be very painful to me. So what does that leave?  Not much.  Perhaps I can journey to one of the cities and find the underground magic community.  Who knows?  Right now, I would give anything if Mr and Mrs. W were still alive. But they are gone and so is my father and my wife.

If I have learned anything about magic though, it is that people who practice it get drawn together.  It is like a magnet. I know for instance now that I am using my power more it will draw people like the faerie to it like moths to flame.  The word will get out that I am back which causes other problems. As much as I have few friends left in the magical world, I really don’t know the state of my enemies.

Let’s See.  I killed the Mane of House Mars when I was in eight grade/freshman. I am fairly certain that they were trying to kill me for that right up until I dropped off the radar.  House Venus asked me to do something that I refused to do which in their world is a breach of trust.  I had promised them I would honor them for their silence about my existence by doing what they asked from time to time.  I was under the impression I had some choice about what I would do; they disagreed.  There is a reason The Council knows I am here and it is House Venus. There is also the assorted faerie from the Grove who might hostile.  Several mages and creatures I have beaten in battle. Yeah, the list of enemies is long.

This is a real problem as get back into this dangerous game. Allies can be the difference between life and death and I have far too few of them. On the flip side, my enemies list could get really long in a quick hurry. Hell, it’s already too long. I need to do some prodding and poking to see what shakes loose. I need most of all to know why the entirety of the Council’s Death Angels haven’t come down on my head already.

Hopefully by my next entry, I will have some answers.  The clock just struck midnight so – Happy New Year.

Author’s Notes: As I start this project, I am sure people are wondering the rationale behind killing my wife off.  Well, it is certainly not because I wish it to happen. I would say the most devastating thing that could happen to me right now would be my wife dying. She has been my rock in my life of late.  She has most definitely brought healing to me and her love is my motivation.

No.  The Rationale is that it would be the one thing that would probably motivate me to vengeance if someone killed her.  I wouldn’t take that lying down; someone would pay for it. Characters need motivation and the character of the Rogue Wizard, that persona, needs motivation that is very personal.

November 1st is also where the time lines between my real life and the time line of this fictional story split. This story is completely divergent in its time line.  I can do everything differently that it in reality pans out. In the real-time line my wife is alive and well and I hope she stays that way for decades to come.

The issue of past characters I brought up last time in the introduction.  There is one that will never appear and I think in this chapter I have addressed who they are and why they will never appear. That’s not to say they won’t influence the story because they were a large part of the backdrop canon known as The Hedge.  But that is all it will be influence and backdrop. I knew people would be asking questions about it, so I hope I have headed things off.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Getting Specific

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

It is in moments of crisis that the Routines and Goals you have keep you focused and allow you to chart a course through it.  This week I have had my car breakdown and come to the realization once again that my employer, a company I have worked for before, is questionable in regards to backing me up.  I really hate working for other people.  You are just vulnerable to their whims and it sucks if they clearly are more about the bottom line, than taking care of their people.

So, I refocus on my goals and readjust my plans. I mentioned though that my goals list is a little non-specific and that needs to change.  I usually discuss my goals under Business virtues but I think in order to do that I need to make the changes to being more specific now.

Goal List (current): 

  1. Strengthen Marriage
  2. Finish my Political Science Degree
  3. Advance Career
  4. Monitor and Control Finances
  5. Write for my Blog  – 1 post per day average.
  6. Exercise
  7. Follow a Solid Diet Plan
  8. Create and work a Bucket List.

I also want to add a goal about my 50th birthday (March 18, 2019) which is to be in the best health possible.  So a little revision:

Goals List (revised): 

  1. Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
  2. Graduate with Political Science Degree in December 2018.
  3. Find a new, better paying job by the end of January 2019 or before.
  4. In 2019 have  a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
  5. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  6. Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
  7. Follow Paleo Diet completely and use intermittent fasting until the end of 2019
  8. Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)
  9. Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.

I am hoping with these goals being more specific with measurable, deadline oriented results, things will go much better. This will be the goal list from now on and appear every Wednesday on Business Virtues.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

I have some recent challenges to this feeling of self-value.  I can’t go into details but the closure thing is still weighing heavy as well as trying to find something that give’s me value to myself. I have had to look to the future to find things that are positive, because the current situation in a lot of ways has become difficult suddenly.

I am working on being positive. I just get tired sometimes about the setbacks. I would just like things to go really well for once.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Have to say some things to my boss as early as possible this week. Things need to be clearly understood. I know what needs to be done and what the right things is so all that is left is to act.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

I am spending a lot of time in silence but there are those moments I know I need to say something.  That’s when courage comes in.  But the main thing is I need to get moving with pursuing what I need to pursue.  Facing the truth of my situation and doing something about it.

School needs to be a love for the truth,  I feel my blogging needs to head that direction as well. Finding truth, knowledge and wisdom is something I have always had as a part of my life and I think this should never change.  I want to be learning something on my deathbed, if it comes to that.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals
  3. Review Bucket List
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Meditate on One of the Virtues
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

This is the one thing that is going well. Very well.  Probably the meditation could be a little more formalized but other than that, I feel good about everything here.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

By setting a goal of accomplishing one thing on my bucket list every six months, I have kind of raised the bar here.  The question is which ones to work on every six months.  My best strategy might be to work on a few of them at all times.  If I were to pick the low hanging fruit of this list right now it would be to get my tattoos, get drunk, smoke a joint (more possible given that Michigan legalized recreational use) and write my novel. It’s doesn’t mean I won’t work on the rest, I am just actively trying to get one finished.  My first deadline is July 1st of 2019, so on these I have a little more time.

Recent events have reminded me of the reasons I wanted to start my own business.  There is a vulnerability in working for someone else that has just become unacceptable to me.  I don’t want to be put into a position where I must accept retirement or less hours, layoff, etc.  I want to be my own boss.  I know that has risks, but I would rather be at my own mercy than someone else’s.

Weightlifting:

My major concern here is my current gym might close.  I also have to think about where I might be in the future.  When it comes to gyms I have had to acknowledge that I am up in the air here for a lot of reasons, most notably is that I don’t know where I am going to be working.  My life is changing chapters and part of that is that my gym may very well change.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Rogue Wizard: The Fire of Fury – Serial Introduction

Happy Saturn’s Day

I have longed to do another urban/modern fantasy series.  I love the thought of magic in the modern scientific world and what that could do to a story has always been a favorite concept.  I have done several things in this world backdrop and in my opinion some of my best writing is in this genre.

Using myself as the basis of a character is not new either, but I did go into that full-fledged in my last modern fantasy series – The Hedge Wizard of Redburg.  You can no longer read this, as I deleted the blog it was on and did not copy the content.  I wanted it lost forever other than memories of it still are in my head and perhaps the head of another. It was a labor of love and even though it was very good artistically, on personal level it needed to go.  It conjured up to many emotional conflicts in myself.

That said, it was good shit. Like high quality marijuana good shit. I mean it was some of the best writing have done to date and with a little polishing it could have been publishable.  Part of that was the love I put into it and I am trying to recover that but focus on the right person to love this time – my wife.  I want this to be a labor of love for her. The irony is she will not appear in it directly as that is another part of this experiment – learning to write out of love for my wife, while being able to write all kinds of things that don’t really involve her.  I am kind of taking a half way approach where I am in the story and not her.  Hopefully I can write later stuff without me or her in it and still be out of love for her.  I need her to be my muse and I think that this can be done by writing this series as a way to get that started.

How do I do this? Well, by doing a divergent time line for myself personally where she gets killed by the bad guys.  This provides my motivation to strike back – love for her causes me to become a rebel and strike against the wizard system of this world.  For this the Hedge Wizard becomes the backdrop canon for my background.  It will be mentioned infrequently and a couple of characters will make a reappearance.  Nothing emotionally challenging as all of them are fictional and not based on real people.  The Council, The Houses, the Faerie as well as all the rest will be there as they were.  I just want to save time there, but not bring up old wounds. So I am going to be pretty selective in how things take place and which characters get in this series and for what reason.  There will be a lot of new characters too.

The main character will be me. Well me in a different world, with a different timeline because of magic.  Names of people and places will be changed to protect the innocent and guilty and because this is really a true fantasy about a divergent timeline and the future, nothing is really based on real events.  It’s based on how I perceive I would react to being a wizard in the modern world and I had experienced a great tragedy.  What would I do if some one I love very much were to be taken away and the authorities could do nothing about it, but I had the power to do something about it?  It’s a moral question I will be asking throughout this series and the major theme.  That along with – How far would I be willing to go to get justice/vengeance? What happens as you grieve and work though it will be there too, and the struggle between a desire for justice and the guilt you feel for your own responsibility in the problem?

I want to emphasize this is an experiment and it might not work.  I hope if you read it; it is enjoyable to you.  My goal is to find that deep love for writing something because I have a deep love for someone.  I want that to start motivating all my writing. because for me it ups my game by 20 times or more.  It could also fail, so be advised this series could be short-lived or last for years.  I really don’t know.   There is also an element of writing for therapy in this and I can’t deny that if it works, then I might either slow down or speed up depending on the results.  This is one avenue that I have decided to use to get closure on some things so there is that emotional aspect.

Don’t worry, The Grey Wayfarer serial will also continue next week and I will make a point to write it every other week til the end of the year.  After graduation and finding a new job, I might write on it and this new one more often and I have other ideas.  For the first time in my life I am also seriously considering writing novels as a way to make money and so I will probably be working on my first one very soon after graduation.  I have thought of being a writer as a career and now it seems it’s a good time to test those waters as any.  I am hoping this experiment will lead to a high level of motivation and love for writing again. One that lasts.

So next week there will probably be a double dip of The Grey Wayfarer and Rogue: Wizard – The Fire of Fury. Then we will go from there.  Hope you enjoy it.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

 

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – The State of My Heart

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

The last two weeks have been a lot of wrestling with myself.  This week journal entries will be dealing with the state of different parts of me as I see them and what I can do to improve them.  I will talk in this one of the state of my heart. My Wednesday entry I will talk about the state of my Mind and on Friday the state of my Body.

My view of heart is more than just the state of emotions; it’s also the state of my soul.  The thing is I view this as my core being and that which gives me personal value, motivation and a sense of myself.  It resonates with my foundational virtues the most.  A good heart, is honorable, courageous and rejoices in the truth.

It is also the most fragile part of me as an introverted empathic romantic sap.  I don’t give my friendship or love easily; truth be told, so when someone rejects my love or abuses my friendship, I get devastated. I fully acknowledge the fact that one of the persons who hasn’t treated my heart that well is myself.

See the source image

I would say the state of my heart is wounded, bruised and sometimes bleeding.  It is also held together by stitches, staples and even a rope wrapped around it. I am surprised it survived the summer.  To be honest, I teetered on the edge there for a bit of becoming a heartless bastard.  I got hurt a lot, some of it self-inflicted.  True, I kind of did some hurting there in the beginning myself, but it’s the hurts I received from people who, when I was down, decided to hit me again that really bothered me.

I don’t speak of this much anymore but I also did get my heart broken by someone I loved very deeply this summer. (I don’t speak of this often because its something that is hurtful to my family, but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurt and I still deal with that hurt.  I have to thus deal with it myself.)  There is a deep gash in my heart because of it. I also realized how deeply I hurt someone else; who I have renewed my love for, but that also has been a painful guilt ridden process. Self inflicted wounds there.  I am trying not to become heartless through all this, but I have truly become suspicious of anyone who calls me their friend or says they love me unless they have demonstrated both at a high level first.  Emotionally, I watch my six a lot more because I can’t afford right now to take any more hits. I still try to be true to my better nature. A friend/relative posted this a couple of days ago.  It really spoke to me.

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The one person right now who has proven her love for me is my wife. If there is any demonstration of genuine Christian forgiveness and mercy I can look at right now; it is her.  She is also been my chief source of healing. I long to cuddle with her, make love to her and talk about things with her.  It’s a good feeling and my heart seems to be mending because of it. If I can get closure in a few more things, I might make some real healing progress. I do want to get a wounded heart tattoo at some point as it is part of my journey.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

Honor is still a real struggle for me. I feel the real struggle of my natures at times.  Oh, for me this is no longer about sin and righteousness.  For me the issue is more about the Wolves and Ravens.  Making sure the wolves of Need and Want listen to the ravens of Reason and Wisdom. Honor is returning but it is a slow and painful process.

Thing is school will be ending soon and with that graduation.  I even have a lead on an internship to finish things off this Spring. I am really hoping that fully closing this latest chapter in my life and looking forward to the future will restore some honor.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

I am coming up to a time when courage might be called for.  Graduation now looms and looking for a new career starts probably this next week.  I need to be decisive and courageous in this.  The time is getting closer to act.

I want whatever career path I choose to be right.  It needs to fit me.  When I see it, I want to grasp it with both hands.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

I miss the old Microphone.  I was absolutely honest with the way I saw things and the truth was more important to me than anything.  Now, I can’t recommend this in the end though, as it can be painful to face the truth about one’s self and situations.  It is often better not to say anything, if one cannot be honest.

This blog takes a different tack.  It is honest when it speaks but when it is silent, that’s when you know I am taking the route of being silent is better when you can’t be honest.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals
  3. Review Bucket List
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Meditate on One of the Virtues
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

I would say this is becoming more automatic and it is become habit.  To really make sure of that, I need to keep doing it for several more months. The real thing though is the peace of mind and focus this gives me early in the day.  It keeps me focused on why I live quite frankly.  I do feel a sense of purpose again and it is in large part due to the morning routine, in particular the meditation on the NNV and reviewing my goals and principles.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

I did a Rabyd Skald post recently about tattooing my closure.  I suppose when people look at the bucket list they might see get my tattoos, they wonder what specifically I am talking about.  Here is my list:

  1. Valknut Tattoo with wolves, ravens and a rune circle.  Right forearm.
  2. Broken Celtic Cross – Center Back right under my neck
  3. Two Wolves – Left shoulder “It’s OK to Feed the Wolves…” in writing under them.
  4. Two Ravens – Right shoulder – “but Listen to the Ravens First”
  5. Wounded Heart Tattoo – Left Pectoral

#1 is about my new philosophy of life where I can always see it and remind myself of it.  #2 – Old Faith – Still I must admit it has an effect on my thinking but I don’t have faith so it is broken.  #3-4 – My philosophical statement clearly stated.  #5 – Given this post, I think this one is self-explanatory.

Weightlifting:

If there is any concern right now it is that my current gym might close.  It’s having a hard time now that Planet Fitness is in town.  The owner is pretty distraught with a lot of personal issues as well.  I hate this because this was my gym – my home gym.  I love the place and always have. I hope they find a way to keep going.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer #2 – Tattooing My Closure

Happy Saturn’s Day

I know probably all of you are expecting another installment of The Grey Wayfarer Fantasy Serial, but I have been backlogged with a lot of homework for school.  I want that series to be high in quality, so I could either skip it this week and make sure it is good stuff next week or I could rush it and it not be as good.  I chose the former.

I also am considering another serial of a different nature for variety so Saturdays might be one or the other of these series or both.  I really like to write fiction, so it’s really not a problem.

I will not leave you post less however so I feel a personal update is in order.

Celtic Cross Tattoos. I love the background on this.

My wife and I are doing well. Moving out on our own is probably the best thing we could have done for ourselves and probably should have done it a lot sooner than we did.  Perhaps if we had done so, a lot of things would not have happened as they did.

Howling Wolf - Done by Matthew Owen at Kingdom of Ink Doncaster UK

I have been struggling with The Grey (Depression).  One day I will be fine, the next angry, the next sad and then depressed the fourth day and then back up and at it the next. I have spoken about how I think this is caused by a lack of closure.  There is a cycle to it and I am thinking that if I could get some closure on things or healing could be sped up in some way that cycle would be broken or minimized.  I am just not sure how.

I will not wear the Valknut, because I am not dedicated to Odin, but I think this would be a great base for embroidery on a tunic for someone else.

A thought struck me this week that my tattoo plans might be the answer.  I view this not so much as acts of rebellion or a mid life crisis (Sweet Baby Jesus, this has been long mid-life crisis; if it is one) but as statements about milestones in my life, a new philosophy or statements about the past. It is this last aspect that I think I might be able to use as a markers on my journey through life. Because of this there is now a real  desire to get that first tattoo again.  I could see it as a line where I pass from one thing to the next.  The past behind and the future before me. Symbolized by tattoos. There is also the fact that such a transition would come with pain – some how that seems appropriate. It’s at least an idea.

22382062_1981814945433304_1064028570174124316_o.jpg 555×1.020 píxelesOn a more personal note – I want to thank everyone who has stuck with me.  Who has not let my bad decisions and bad frame of mind deter you from being my friends or reading my blogs over the last several months.  Your concern is appreciated and I don’t know if I thank my genuine friends enough for sticking by me.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween!!!

Just a message for all of you ghouls, vampires, zombies, ghosts, mummies and werewolves and witches out there this evening.  Have a Happy Halloween and enjoy the day your way.  It should be noted that this is the 31st straight day of posting on The Grey Wayfarer so we have hit our first month milestone.  A great day to do that.

I want to thank all of you for following, liking or commenting over this month.  As always thanks for reading.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Pagan Pulpit – Havamal 47 – Enjoying Humanity

Happy Sun’s Day

Announcements:

We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.

We also don’t take an offering here.  We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it.  Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it.  Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.

Opening Song: Disturbed – Voices:

I have been listening to this one a lot this week.  It kind of goes along with the theme this week, so I will keep the commentary about it until the Sermon.

Poem:

“My Soul Has Eyes”

The Mirror to the Soul

So they are called.

I can’t see my own

unless I look in the mirror.

I wonder what part of my soul people see?

The part of my soul that is tired and depressed

The part of my soul that has regrets

The part of my soul that bleeds with wounds new and old

The part of my soul that is black and dark

or the part that shines in hope and love.

I wish I knew what people see in my eyes

What part of my soul is laid bare.

– Ed Raby, Sr.  – October 25, 2018

I must confess my writing of poetry is bitter sweet.  It enjoy it on the one hand because it allows me to express feelings in words that normal writing doesn’t do.  I need that from time to time.  On the other hand the memories of the person associated with me learning to write poems better and understand them better comes up every time I do it, and that just makes me sad.  I guess it’s something I just live with, because I can’t seem to stop writing them from time to time.  Sometimes its the only thing that works.

Meditation: 

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I post a lot of memes and sayings on Facebook.  Just so everyone knows, the Meditation for the week usually comes from one of them I posted that past week.  It’s the one that meant the most to me.

Song of Preparation:Van Halen – Love Walks In:

The story associated with this song for me is that I was standing in a convenience store a little after my wife and I started reconciling.  This song came on and the guy behind the counter was singing it.  I joined in; which is not something I normally do.  The guy behind the counter stopped to listen to me and asked if the song meant something to me.  I told him until that moment, no.  But now it did.  Not only did it reflect at the time the new feelings of love I had for my wife but there was a very human moment there with that guy.  Humanity didn’t seem all that bad to me at that time.

Text: Havamal 47

Young was I once, I walked alone,
and bewildered seemed in the way;
then I found me another and rich I thought me,
for man is the joy of man.

Sermon:

It is really hard to be objective about the nature of humanity.  Most of us think humans as a rule are not the greatest thing to ever happen to us.  Some people I imagine love people, but there are a good chunk of us that have problems with humanity.  Some of us, like in the video of Disturbed’s song ‘Voices’, have our fantasies about getting back at the bullies, getting revenge on the girl who dumped us or tying up a difficult boss.  It truly is freaky shit that we think of sometimes isn’t it when it comes to how we would like to respond toward some people’s actions toward us.  The voices are pretty convincing that even we are not all that great.

If we were honest though, most of the people in our lives are a lot like us.  Just trying to make their way in the world and do the best they can.  Very few people in our lives actually deliberately try to make our lives miserable.  There are a few, I will acknowledge that, but for most part, people seem decent enough.

I think this is more evident if you have ever been lost alone away from people for a while or wonder if you can find your way back to them.  I have had this experience at least twice.  It is an intense relief when you actually find another person.  I get what Odin is saying in Havamal 47.  Like it or not we need our fellow humans and very few of us are misanthropes.

In fact, I would argue that many times at our lowest point it has been someone else who helped us out of it.  Some person who saw us in our suffering and actually stopped to help, or as we wandered we ran into someone who inspired us. I would say our positive encounters with humans actually probably outweigh our negative ones.

At the very least we become like the guy in the Disturbed video of ‘Voices’.  We drop our anger and desire for vengeance and simply walk off to the mosh pit and try to find a more human ‘loving’ way to get rid of our anger. Perhaps that is the greatest testimony to humanities goodness after all – that we choose to find another way that is constructive.  Very few of us actually act on the voices.

Closing Song:  Slash Street Boys – “I’ll Kill You That Way”:

A little Halloween Humor to send you off today.  Enjoy the Week and Happy Halloween!!!

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Grey Wayfarer (Fantasy Serial) – Chapter 3 – Awakening (Wayfarer)

Happy Saturn’s Day

The man in the bed stirred.  It was the first time he had moved on his own power since the whole thing began.  His eyes fluttered open but he immediately shut them again.  Things were too bright.  Gods his head hurt.  No telling where he was now.  He was either in his intended destination, the hospital or the morgue. If the last was true, he was waking up to what lies beyond the veil of death and that brightness was the afterlife.

Somehow though he suspected that it was not the afterlife or the hospital.  You don’t hear the sounds of lovers making love in a hospital that often and he could smell smoke of a fire. No, unless something truly unplanned had happened, he had arrived in his intended destination.  He just couldn’t move or speak or see it in truth yet.  He opened his eyes once again and the blur came into focus.

He was in a room with a bed and a wash basin on a small wooden stand.  There were  towels draped over the stand as well and the fabric was exquisite.  Not made by a machine but much better in many respects.  He tried to move his arm and succeeded only to lift it a little. Then he looked a little to the edge of the bed only to see the face of a huge white wolf staring back at him. Their eyes met and strangely he didn’t feel afraid of the wolf.  The wolf looked at him for a few moments and then walked out of the room past the curtain that separated it from the main room.

A few moments later a large man entered the room. He was muscular but looked older with hair that was white.  He only had one eye and the other was covered with a patch. He was wearing a simple grey tunic and on his shoulder was perched a large raven.

“Well, you live after all.  I will wake up my wife and she will tend you,” the man said in a commanding deep voice.

Then he disappeared.  The man stirred a little more and after a couple of minutes a woman in a white dress came in. She was blond, blue-eyed and stunningly beautiful.  She smiled at him but he could see a knowing sadness behind her eyes. He wondered about that, but she came along and sat beside him and touched his forehead and chest.

He couldn’t get over how beautiful she was.  Her proportions were perfect and her skin flawless.  He eyes were stunning like they looked right into your heart and her golden hair radiant beyond belief.  No super model, with the most skillful of Photoshop work done, could look like she did.  It was then he realized his nakedness under the blankets and began to feel a little self-conscious.  She smiled again.

“Be at peace, you are safe here,” her voice was like soft music.

She leaned a little closer like she didn’t want to be overheard.

“Besides, you have nothing to be ashamed of.”

He blushed slightly and found his hand absent mindedly going to the Thor amulet around his neck.  It was still there.  He wondered at it now as the story that had been told him had been true.  It was magical.  It had drawn him to this place, wherever that was.  He began to relax a little more.  It was hard not to do so in this woman’s presence.

“You know you have been under my care for a day and I still don’t know who you are?  Can you speak?”

The Man looked at her and smiled.

“My name is Beorn Erickson. I guess you could say I am a scholar of sorts”

“Well Beorn, I am Frigg, goddess of motherhood and home. Welcome to our home.”

Beorn didn’t show any reaction to the statement that she was a goddess.  He actually  relaxed even more. The amulet had worked and now he could move on to other things.  He decided to choose his words carefully.

“So the mythology isn’t mythological after all.  So the man I saw; he is Odin, the All-Father?  Your husband?”

Frigg raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, he is Odin.  All Father and King of the gods of Asgard. It is not often that mortals hear of the gods and react as you do.  How is this possible?”

“You could say I have been looking for you.  Mostly though I wanted to prove this amulet worked.  The magic in it is unique and very powerful.  Besides if legend is correct, the gods and goddesses of Asgard prefer actions of worship, not the groveling prayers of other religions.”

“A wizard, not just a scholar then? My husband might be very interested in that.  He is a wizard himself and a warrior.”

“Yes, some of the legends and stories remain.  Many are lost though.  I guess you could say this was a research trip in that regard.”

“A seeker after knowledge.  Yes, My husband will respect that.  The issue he will have is whether or not you are willing to pay the price for knowledge that is sometimes needed.”

“Yes, those stories remain.  His hanging from the world tree and his sacrifice of his eye.  They also speak of your powers to see men’s fates.”

Frigg’s smile faded; but it was not anger that replaced it, but a sadness.

“Yes, I can, but it is not very helpful.  There is little that can be done to change the fates of men.”

Beorn decided not to press this.  He knew she was speaking of her son Balder and he didn’t want to bring up painful memories.

“Well, I suppose that would be a heavy burden to bear. I didn’t mean to cause you sadness.”

“No, it alright.  It was a long time ago that I lost Balder…that Asgard lost Balder.  You seem strangely emphatic for a wizard and scholar.”

“I wasn’t always a wizard and a scholar.  I once was a priest. A Christian priest.”

“That explains your gentleness.  You gave that up?  I wonder what reason you could have for that?”

“I am not very good with celibacy for one.”

Frigg laughed and Beorn with her.

“I can also say that celibacy would not allow you to share one of your better assets with the world either.  You shouldn’t deprive women like that.”

They laughed again.  Beorn felt so at ease in her presence.

“I imagine though that there are other deeper reasons.”

“It was the beliefs.  The god of the cross doesn’t make sense to me anymore.  So I went looking for others.”

“Well, it seems you found a couple.”

“Yes, I have. The amulet worked and drew me to you.”

Frigg paused.  The two looked at each other for a moment.

“Well Beorn, I can’t see that you are ill or in any way sick.  Just drained of energy.  I will make some food to help with that, and bring you something to drink.  My husband will want you fully rested and restored before he speaks with you.”

She got up and headed toward the curtain.  As she started to pull it back, Beorn spoke once again.

“Frigg, thank you for your hospitality. There was one other reason I left the priesthood.  Love.”

Frigg smiled.

“I would say that was related to the first reason you gave, but I understand. I suspect you broke her heart or perhaps…”

“She broke mine.”

“Ah, well perhaps you will find love again.”

“I hope so, it’s a good thing to be in love but also dangerous.”

“Yes, it is.”

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Pagan Pulpit – Havamal 95 – The Unattainable Desires of Life

Announcements:

We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.

We also don’t take an offering here.  We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it.  Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, their giving to an organization to support it.  Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money, it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.

Open Song: Halestorm – Amen

It is no secret that I gravitate toward songs and bands who speak about faith and religion and so this song by Halestorm is sort of one of my anthems from time to time.  The words speak to me and definitely get my ‘Amen’.

Poem:

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I will leave the poetry to The Ruined Man this week. Definitely my thoughts about myself this week. There are simply some things that have to be dealt with alone.

Meditation:

I am not a big one for fate.  I think we make our own luck and our own success.  This proverb definitely resonates with me.

Song of Preparation: Smash Mouth – Walkin’ On The Sun:

Some things are indeed impossible and other things make you shake your head.  Smash Mouth seems to get that in this song.

Text: Havamal 95

Only the mind knows
what lives near the heart;
a man is alone with his own spirit.
There is no sickness worse
for any wise man
than to have nothing to love.

Sermon:

There are a lot of different ways to translate this Stanza but for me it reflects that only each person knows what he truly desires but there is no sickness worse than desiring and loving that which you cannot have.

I suppose it might be speaking to that old adage about youth being wasted on the young.  That once you figure out what you should do with life, you don’t have the energy or the time to obtain it. Maybe.

For me this speaks more to the sadness that can sometimes develop when you finally realize what you want, but there is no way to get it.  I have experienced this many times and I have come to realize that in those moments, it is often time to change our desires and focus elsewhere.  If there is any wisdom in discovering a desire is unattainable; it is the wisdom that says move on and continue to live life.  Something else will come along that is attainable.

If you can’t do that well there is a sickness of soul that will come over you known to me as The Grey and to others as depression.  It’s amazing how as we get older depression gets more common and I can’t help but wonder if it is this finally figuring out what life is about and yet not being able to attain it.  I hope that whatever you and I desire it is attainable. Such a sickness is more than I have been able to bear at times and I wish it on no one.

I could go with the other interpretation of this passage which says there is nothing worse than to grow old and have nothing to love. I would agree and I feel this is why most people die in a lack of hope.  They stop having something to love and without that, there is little motivation to keep on living.  It’s why I want to keep a bucket list in front of me forever.

I don’t know.  For me personally, it is the truth that no one knows what is on the heart of a man or woman other than that person themselves that is the glaring truth. A person could tell you the whole truth about what they want but the truth is that what they want is actually deeper still.  It’s good to remember that the closest council any man keeps is with himself. No person reveals all of what they are and that is a good thing to remember.

Closing Song: Monty Python – The Meaning of Life:

May you unravel the meaning of life and live it fully.  May all your desires be attainable.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!