A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – A New Shore

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

I get asked every once in a while about why I am getting a political science degree.  I must admit the name is a bit of misdirection as political scientists are actually quite diverse in their skill set.  I mean we have to understand the politics of people in groups from small groups to those as large as a nation.  We also have to understand the bureaucracy of getting things done in the government.  There is also the fact that we have budgets and a business side to consider. I have had three business management classes and some accounting to get my degree as well.

My two minors chip in as well as Economics and International Business stem from my interest in trade.  International Business for me has been about understanding exchange rates, the logistics of moving things from one country to another. Understanding that different cultures do business differently as well.  Economics has only enhanced my love for the concept of trade and trading and how it always benefits both nations.

When I look at what I would like to do next my dream job centers on this idea of being person who negotiates trade agreements between people.  I am not sure specifically what that would be.  I also would like to travel and see this world a little before I kick off of it.  I however also want to come to a place to call home. So maybe a job that travels every quarter for a week or two.  Go there, make money, come home.  Kind of like a viking.

I know my wife doesn’t want to leave Michigan and I agree, but I also want to have those moments and times where I can travel to someplace new and enjoy the process of doing business and then come home to wife and hearth.  If I could on occasion take her with me so much the better. It’s good to dream when you are looking to the future and this is mine. Well, that and own a bar and serve drinks.  That’s my retirement dream.

Mostly I want something that allows me to set foot on a new shore and see what there is to see.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

Knowing I am noble of being is still a struggle. Part of this is finding the definition of what it means to be noble of being in and of itself and not attached to any religion.  It’s not easy to abandon your faith of four decades and find a new philosophy that reflects a more true version of yourself.  It’s a journey of discovery and takes a little courage to find that new sense of honor.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

It is coming time to start job searching again and looking for a direction for a new career path.  This is going to take courage to do the interviews and the things I need to do to start looking for things that lead to that career. Time to be brave.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

Truth is I have the potentiality to be a good anything, maybe even great. There is also the truth that whatever I pick I want it to fit me.  life is too short to not be doing what you enjoy and love. I need to remember that.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals
  3. Review Bucket List
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Meditate on One of the Virtues
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

Once school is over there is really only one thing I want to concentrate on this list which is the meditation aspect.  I think the change might be to meditate more generally on the Nine Noble Virtues to see which virtue rises to the top.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

I haven’t got much new to say about this other than if my job did entail travel the learning languages and taking a cruise to Budapest would be right up there as far as a way to having those fulfilled.

Weightlifting:

My gym closed and they started selling equipment so I need a new one.  The problem is I have little time to look so I will probably just take this week off, concentrate on school and then look during finals week.  Probably in the same city I work for now until I get a better job. I really hate to see this happen as it has been my gym home for the last three plus years.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – My Comeback

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

This week and next are going to be hell.  I have school to finish and there is a lot of work to do.  I also have to work a job and a marriage to maintain.  I also have to get enough sleep to function, so this means Discipline, Industriousness and Courage all in play.  Here we go.

I want to take time out to take a breath as I dive in headfirst and look to the future.  You have to see the finish line and the purpose of why you are doing what you are doing.  That provides motivation and I need motivation.

The above meme really does encapsulate my life so far.  These last few years have been rough ones and I really need to make 2019 my comeback year.

2016 – It did change me.  I learned who was really in charge of my church and no one was going to do anything to help me change it.  My crisis of faith started,  I took a sabbatical that year to think things over.  My course changed then.

2017 – Yeah, it did break me.  I began to think of my marriage and ministry as a sham.  A good friend died that summer and several things changed.  I became painfully aware of a deep loneliness and depression.  This was my state at the end of the year when a woman started to enter my life, but I really didn’t have feelings that were inappropriate for her until the next year.  I was just thankful at that time for a new and growing friendship.

2018 – This has been a year of opening my eyes.  I discovered how false many of the friends, particularly in church, I had were.  In February, my organist died and this affected me deeply because at that point all the old I had started with was gone.  The real problem was only one person was really listening to me and helping me through it. This lead to an emotional affair, my trying to resign over it but being fired instead, a near divorce, the loss of a close ‘friend’ who turned out to not be a friend.  An emotionally up and down summer with a breakup, a marriage reconciliation, moving and a new job all while continuing school.  The scales have definitely fallen off my eyes and like the Phoenix, I am rising from the ashes of 2018 as an awake and very different person. I feel true to myself at last and, as I wrote yesterday, ‘The Fire of Fury’ burns in my bones and I am ready for what is next.

2019? – I need this to be a comeback year, a new career direction, a stronger marriage and renewed prosperity. I am determined to make it happen.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

I am suspecting that after these next three weeks are over and things are at last done for the majority of my school work. I will feel like more honor is restored at that point.  I will feel that things will be better at least from a self-worth standpoint. I will have achieved something I set out to accomplish. Then it will be a simple matter of finding a way to use the education to better myself further.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

There is a lot to act on and I cannot hesitate at this point.  I have a lot to do and nothing can distract me either so I need to stay focused and go forward.  The fear to overcome is that I won’t finish everything.  I need to bury that and just start eating the last elephant, one bite at a time.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

The truth is that I need to continue to be truthful with myself. It is what has kept me making good decisions for a bit now.  This truth thing leads to a lot better path, but one that is often more difficult.  It is however the difficulty of the truth that makes us struggle more and thus get stronger.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals
  3. Review Bucket List
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Meditate on One of the Virtues
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

I have to say this morning routine is the most successful one I have ever done. I actually look forward to it every morning.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

So by July 1st, 2019 I need to cross one of these off.  We will see if its learning one of the languages, the novel or getting a tattoo or two. Those are my best bets at this point.

Weightlifting:

I am going to visit all the gyms in the town where I work very soon.  My membership at my current gym expires in a few weeks.  It also looks like it will be shutting down for good anyway.  There are three options based on a preliminary look, so I will be looking at all of them probably during exam week as I won’t have an incredible amount to do.  By the time exams are over, I will have to make this decision.  I really hate to leave my current gym.  It was a love at first sight thing and I will miss it.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – End of the Semester Surge

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

As Thanksgiving approaches for those of us who are students, the end of the semester surge is upon us where we have too many papers, too many pages of reading left, too many exams to study for and too many projects.  It’s time for the end of the semester surge where we put every waking moment into getting things done. My 49-year-old super senior ass is no exception.

This one is a little different.  It’s my last one of undergrad work for this my third degree. Probably my last ever undergrad semester and to be honest, it makes me a little sad.  I have enjoyed every moment of going back to school even the hard semesters. I have discovered there is a better person here than was there three and a half years ago.  Someone who can face the tests of education in his older age and come out smiling. But most of all it has been my privileged to get to know a younger generation class after class and started me thinking very highly of them.

Most older people decry the younger generation.  The Millennials certainly seem to be a favorite punching bag of those retired and working for a living as an example of entitlement and privilege.  Lazy and naive about real life.  Unable to get out of their glass bubble and face the real world.  I have not found this to be so.  Instead I have found much my like my own generation when we were young; a group of people with diverse points view, dreams and hopes for the future. They work hard in a lot of ways and understand things that I have difficulty grasping.  Mostly I have found  group of people who care deeply about others and the world around them.  They may be different but they are no better or worse than any other generation before them.  The have the same fears and joys. they just express them differently in a different world. I have come to love and respect them,

I am also happy to be done.  I love learning but there is a time to move on and the time is now.  I don’t know completely what the future holds but I am happy for the experience of going to school again and learning.  When I walk across the platform December 15th, I know I will be the happiest I have been in a long time.  I need this achievement because it means I can still do things I want to do.  I can still set goals and achieve them.  No matter what others say, I have this confidence in myself.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

I was meditating the other day and a thought came to me about my closure issues. Sometimes you don’t choose when a door gets shut, but that doesn’t mean you have to walk through it again. When it comes to the past I guess this is something to take to heart. I can’t let the past’s open doors be a hindrance to finding new doors to open. Closure will come in its own good time. Honor does not depend on closure, it depends on being positive about my future.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

The end of school is fast approaching so the act of bravery that I am contemplating is dusting off my resume and sending it out at month’s end.  I haven’t looked for a new career in a long time.  Note I said career and not job.  I am not sure what occupation I want to be yet.  In that respects I am still a typical college student.  I want to find something that is a career I can enjoy and that leads to better and better things for me and my wife.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

If there is anything that bothers me from time to time it’s when people tell me what they were told that I did and it is far from the truth. This still bothers me, but the rumor mill is what it is.  My question I constantly ask myself is if it is worth it to respond.  My answer is most often ‘No.’  Mostly becasue any person who is just rumor mongering about me isn’t worth the time.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals
  3. Review Bucket List
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Meditate on One of the Virtues
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

Very solid and the meditation time is more formal. I have it take my phone and it’s stopwatch for it.  Three minutes is usually enough. Once school is done, there might be some changes to it as far as additions but perhaps I would be better served with an evening routine. I have just never had a lot of success with those.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

The more I look at things on this Bucket List, I am thinking my tattoos might be the first thing or at least get the first couple.  Getting drunk and smoking a joint I might keep for a special occasion of some sort.  Writing my Novel will probably start as soon as school is over and I am thinking spend an hour on it minimum as part of the daily routine will replace my study time. Many of the other ones are going to require prosperity.  My wife wants to go on a cruise, I would like it to be a European river cruise that stops in Budapest.

Weightlifting:

The gym question remains.  Much is unknown so I need a gym that will go month to month, but I also have little reason once school is over to drive into the town when my current gym is. It might mean switching to a gym where I currently work and then waiting and seeing what happens to the job situation. For that purpose I have fund a smaller gym in the city I work and that might do very well for me.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – Holiday Nutrition

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

My friend recently posted the above meme and generated a very interesting discussion between his wife, himself and the few other friends he tagged.

Whenever I have lost weight I always get the comment: “Holidays are coming, what you going to do then?” Well, for one I am not going to annoy people about my dietary accomplishments.  It undercuts the whole spirit of celebration that is supposed to be around the holidays.

Secondly, I am going to live with the understanding that one day here and there off diet is not going to destroy my plans.  I can participate with my family in whatever they are eating.  If its meat laden I will probably grab more of it along with veggies and fruit where available. I will have things I am not supposed to eat with my diet.  It will be a scheduled cheat day and I will cheat because it is good for the soul to just enjoy life and all the food that is available.

Finally, the rest of the time during the holidays, I will be very strictly Paleo with my intermittent fasting every other week.  This will be at least 6 out of seven days and will more than make up for the one day here and there that is bad. More details do follow.

As for the rest of this journal entry, I am feeling better although this week has been very frustrating as my car has been out of commission, so my wife and I have had to juggle things and borrow.  Our other car has had two flat tires this week.  Yeah, not feeling really friendly toward cars these days.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

My discipline is being stretched right now as the end of the semester is upon me for the last time ( for this degree anyway).  I am really struggling to get things done but it is not as bad as it was.  I am now in the mode where I realize each day a lot of writing needs to get done.  This blog becomes my break from all that academic writing, so I look forward to it every morning.  I am starting to get hard on myself though with the studies. It will pay off.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

I haven’t been defeated yet, I haven’t failed in a while.  That said, I prepare myself for the inevitable reality of it.  This is why I spend time meditating and trying to find ways to heal up a little better.  I also prepare my mind for this reality. I know I will fail to get defeated at some point, the preparation is so I get up quickly and get going again as fast as possible.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

The issue of thanksgiving comes up as a loyalty concern to God for some.  I am not sure that is what this holiday is about.  It’s probably more about being thankful that there is a good meal on the table, family, friends and football.  If there is a family holiday it is this one.  I will write a little more on this in next weeks Odin’s Eye, but for now I can say my feelings about this holiday are still the same, but I find that perhaps it was always more about family than faith.

The subject of friendship comes up a lot.  I have lost quite a few and I have cut off more than my share.  I tend to be very loyal to my friends.  Almost to a fault. At the same time my circle is small because I don’t trust at that level with just anyone.  Recent events have made me even more cautious about who I say is my friend.  I am already introverted so most of my friends are extroverts who adopted me or long time friends who are more like family.  I probably could use a few more close friends but because I give much, I expect much in return.

I guess having been so disappointed recently in many of my ‘friends’, I am a little gun-shy about friendship in general. Seems like people only want your friendship because they gain something out of it and the moment you become a problem for them, they dump you. I don’t think I could take that right now, my heart is bruised enough already.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

Solid this week, I only missed a day of walking because a class was cancelled. It still brings up the fact I need to find some alternative when I don’t have school and that will be very soon.

Nutrition:

OK.  The details of this nutritional plan are all about my 50th birthday which is Monday, March 18th, 2019.  MY goal here is to be in the best shape I have been in a long time in terms of fat loss, my muscles lean and strong and the whole thing flexible.  I want to look really good.  My main struggle for years was nutrition, but I think I have found a formula that works for me as evidenced by recent gains.

It’s just not as tight as it could be. I am not strictly Paleo as carbs do find their way into my diet probably every day and I want to handle that.  Mostly it is bread because sandwiches are cheap.  I also would have to say cereal is like that too. I need a bread substitute and something like cereal with the same affordability and quickness of preparation.  Something to research this week.

I haven’t always been strict of have a pattern about the intermittent fasting either.  I want to do this every week. I eat breakfast so I can take my pills and after that I should go on a no food lock down until 2 pm.  My eating window should be breakfast and from 2 pm to 8 pm.  If I get a different job that is more normal than the 4 am to 1 pm I usually work then this would probably shift to noon to 8 pm and I would take my pills at noon. I actually would probably like that a lot.

I am going to run this diet from November 23rd (Day after Thanksgiving) until my birthday and probably to the end of March.  Cheat meals will be the holiday gatherings and birthdays.  I will also give myself three cheats a week during this time which I might add as a part of the weekly routine to count it. In the meantime I need to do some research for Paleo alternatives to certain things.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – I don’t know about things here still.  I feel good about some of it and feel other parts of it still need work.  I have discovered that not giving a shit what people think can lead to sense of self value and thus honor.  That said, honor is still a struggle. Courage is much better and so is Truth.  If anything Truth has been off the chain for me lately and I have to exercise a lot more tongue biting than normal.

Business – The basic struggle here is still the same.  My wife and I need to get to a place of financial security that has enough extra prosperity to start working our plans.  Right now things are tight because we need to really increase our income.  Once that happens, Self-reliance and Hospitality will be much easier.  Both of us are definitely hard-working so that’s not a problem.

Self – The friendship fidelity questions remain but the Discipline and Perseverance questions are less and less each week.  I am starting to feel a little more relaxed about things because of those two.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Getting Specific

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

It is in moments of crisis that the Routines and Goals you have keep you focused and allow you to chart a course through it.  This week I have had my car breakdown and come to the realization once again that my employer, a company I have worked for before, is questionable in regards to backing me up.  I really hate working for other people.  You are just vulnerable to their whims and it sucks if they clearly are more about the bottom line, than taking care of their people.

So, I refocus on my goals and readjust my plans. I mentioned though that my goals list is a little non-specific and that needs to change.  I usually discuss my goals under Business virtues but I think in order to do that I need to make the changes to being more specific now.

Goal List (current): 

  1. Strengthen Marriage
  2. Finish my Political Science Degree
  3. Advance Career
  4. Monitor and Control Finances
  5. Write for my Blog  – 1 post per day average.
  6. Exercise
  7. Follow a Solid Diet Plan
  8. Create and work a Bucket List.

I also want to add a goal about my 50th birthday (March 18, 2019) which is to be in the best health possible.  So a little revision:

Goals List (revised): 

  1. Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
  2. Graduate with Political Science Degree in December 2018.
  3. Find a new, better paying job by the end of January 2019 or before.
  4. In 2019 have  a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
  5. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  6. Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
  7. Follow Paleo Diet completely and use intermittent fasting until the end of 2019
  8. Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)
  9. Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.

I am hoping with these goals being more specific with measurable, deadline oriented results, things will go much better. This will be the goal list from now on and appear every Wednesday on Business Virtues.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

I have some recent challenges to this feeling of self-value.  I can’t go into details but the closure thing is still weighing heavy as well as trying to find something that give’s me value to myself. I have had to look to the future to find things that are positive, because the current situation in a lot of ways has become difficult suddenly.

I am working on being positive. I just get tired sometimes about the setbacks. I would just like things to go really well for once.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Have to say some things to my boss as early as possible this week. Things need to be clearly understood. I know what needs to be done and what the right things is so all that is left is to act.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

I am spending a lot of time in silence but there are those moments I know I need to say something.  That’s when courage comes in.  But the main thing is I need to get moving with pursuing what I need to pursue.  Facing the truth of my situation and doing something about it.

School needs to be a love for the truth,  I feel my blogging needs to head that direction as well. Finding truth, knowledge and wisdom is something I have always had as a part of my life and I think this should never change.  I want to be learning something on my deathbed, if it comes to that.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals
  3. Review Bucket List
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Meditate on One of the Virtues
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

This is the one thing that is going well. Very well.  Probably the meditation could be a little more formalized but other than that, I feel good about everything here.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

By setting a goal of accomplishing one thing on my bucket list every six months, I have kind of raised the bar here.  The question is which ones to work on every six months.  My best strategy might be to work on a few of them at all times.  If I were to pick the low hanging fruit of this list right now it would be to get my tattoos, get drunk, smoke a joint (more possible given that Michigan legalized recreational use) and write my novel. It’s doesn’t mean I won’t work on the rest, I am just actively trying to get one finished.  My first deadline is July 1st of 2019, so on these I have a little more time.

Recent events have reminded me of the reasons I wanted to start my own business.  There is a vulnerability in working for someone else that has just become unacceptable to me.  I don’t want to be put into a position where I must accept retirement or less hours, layoff, etc.  I want to be my own boss.  I know that has risks, but I would rather be at my own mercy than someone else’s.

Weightlifting:

My major concern here is my current gym might close.  I also have to think about where I might be in the future.  When it comes to gyms I have had to acknowledge that I am up in the air here for a lot of reasons, most notably is that I don’t know where I am going to be working.  My life is changing chapters and part of that is that my gym may very well change.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – The State of My Body

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal:

Well, with heart and mind finished it is time to turn to my body.  I must say when I look back at all the shit I went through this summer, I am glad I did focus on my body and health because it gave me a focus to work on through all that.  I still found a way to get to the gym regularly and I began to focus on nutrition.

I now hover slightly under 300 lbs.  I am six-foot four and I have lifted weights for a couple of decades, so I have a good deal of muscle mass, so I don’t think I will ever be able to drop below 250.  The lowest weight I achieved in the last ten to fifteen years is 285 and that was with a pretty extreme diet but it could have been tweaked because I still was eating a lot of carbs back then.  With my new diet, I am interested in seeing how low I can go now.

That said, my main measure of progress is not my weight.  It actually is standing naked in front of a mirror.  Yeah, that’s right because it’s the only way to give yourself and honest assessment and provide motivation.  You stand there until you can see clearly what the problems are and get mad enough to do something about them.  I still have three problems areas which are my inner thighs, my waistline and my pecs.  In the first and last of these there is a little fat still present but it’s surrounded by loose skin from the losses so far.  My waistline is definitely lighter but there is still room for progress.  Only time will tell if my skin will lay flat.

I as glad for the progress this summer but I am still making some now.  The real thing this summer was that my heart was wounded and my mind muddled but my body was doing good. It was getting stronger, leaner and feeling better.  It’s probably what kept me from completely losing it.

My diabetes was heading the right direction at my last checkup.  The real great unknown is that the only health coverage we could afford at the moment was something that covers if the shit hits the fan and not much else.  My doctor also has moved to clinic practice and I will have to find a new one anyway.  This is where I really need to find a new job and reassess things as far as health care, because I and my wife are at an age where things need constant monitoring at least a couple of times a year.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

There are two opposing views that work in my head all the time – The one in my head that says I can do better and the other one that says no one is perfect.  I believe in driving myself to be better, but acknowledging that Rome wasn’t built in a day, so it’s one step at a time thing.  So far I think that everything I can provide discipline for has it. I am constantly evaluating my development and how things are going.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

It could be said that I get up every time I fail.  That said, sometimes it can take a bit of time.  Time is not something I have a lot of these days.  It could be said that I am facing the crunch of the end of the semester and graduation looms, so as I also said on Monday watching my six a lot emotionally, so I don’t have a meltdown at the crucial time. Being able to take a hit and still be standing and moving forward is important right now and I need to be in that state of mind and heart.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

I get asked how thing are going between my wife and I from time to time. I can only say that we have our good days and bad but it’s more good than bad.  The observation I would make is that we are healing our marriage which both of us acknowledge was damaged by both of us which led to certain vulnerabilities.  It’s this process of learning to build again, to build loyalty between us and a wall around us that is our chief focus.

The situation kind of forces us to stick together. Thanks to the ministry, we are about 20 years behind all the rest of our friends of the same age as far as financial security.  Both of us have said it feels like we are back in Bible college times but we are older and wondering what time warp is this?  We either stand back to back or we are going to be in trouble, so that helps the fidelity question on our marriage.

The other areas of fidelity are solid and always have been at least on my side.  I actually have considered going through my friends list on Facebook and doing another purge.  There are just some people who are my ‘friends’ but I haven’t had any interaction with them for years. I keep my circle small.  I value loyalty as much as I try to give it.  I value it more than the number of friends I have.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

Seems solid other than when I have a class canceled or like this week my car breaks down and I had to skip a class, the walking needs and alternative.  Cleaning and Weightlifting will be finished Saturday so that is good.

Nutrition:

I have an intermediate goal that may find its way on to my goal list.  To be in the best shape possible for my 50th birthday which is in March. Nutrition is going to be a big part of that and I need to lock down my eating habits from now until then.  I have received more remarks this month than in a long time as to how much weight if have lost and how good I look.  A lot of that has to do with the Paleo Diet and intermittent fasting.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – My heart is a wreck still but I have made some progress in learning how to heal, the need to find closure has been identified and I feel that even though this section of the NNV is in some cases my weakest, it is getting better.

Business – Really this is just working things as I try to finish my school and get a better job.  It’s about working the early stages of the plan to set a foundation for prosperity.  My mind is coming into focus but it really still needs some work and I am trying to do that work better.

Self – This is the best area of my life right now.  I feel stronger, leaner and better physically than I have in years.  Discipline is returning to my life and I feel good about that.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – The State of My Heart

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

The last two weeks have been a lot of wrestling with myself.  This week journal entries will be dealing with the state of different parts of me as I see them and what I can do to improve them.  I will talk in this one of the state of my heart. My Wednesday entry I will talk about the state of my Mind and on Friday the state of my Body.

My view of heart is more than just the state of emotions; it’s also the state of my soul.  The thing is I view this as my core being and that which gives me personal value, motivation and a sense of myself.  It resonates with my foundational virtues the most.  A good heart, is honorable, courageous and rejoices in the truth.

It is also the most fragile part of me as an introverted empathic romantic sap.  I don’t give my friendship or love easily; truth be told, so when someone rejects my love or abuses my friendship, I get devastated. I fully acknowledge the fact that one of the persons who hasn’t treated my heart that well is myself.

See the source image

I would say the state of my heart is wounded, bruised and sometimes bleeding.  It is also held together by stitches, staples and even a rope wrapped around it. I am surprised it survived the summer.  To be honest, I teetered on the edge there for a bit of becoming a heartless bastard.  I got hurt a lot, some of it self-inflicted.  True, I kind of did some hurting there in the beginning myself, but it’s the hurts I received from people who, when I was down, decided to hit me again that really bothered me.

I don’t speak of this much anymore but I also did get my heart broken by someone I loved very deeply this summer. (I don’t speak of this often because its something that is hurtful to my family, but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurt and I still deal with that hurt.  I have to thus deal with it myself.)  There is a deep gash in my heart because of it. I also realized how deeply I hurt someone else; who I have renewed my love for, but that also has been a painful guilt ridden process. Self inflicted wounds there.  I am trying not to become heartless through all this, but I have truly become suspicious of anyone who calls me their friend or says they love me unless they have demonstrated both at a high level first.  Emotionally, I watch my six a lot more because I can’t afford right now to take any more hits. I still try to be true to my better nature. A friend/relative posted this a couple of days ago.  It really spoke to me.

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The one person right now who has proven her love for me is my wife. If there is any demonstration of genuine Christian forgiveness and mercy I can look at right now; it is her.  She is also been my chief source of healing. I long to cuddle with her, make love to her and talk about things with her.  It’s a good feeling and my heart seems to be mending because of it. If I can get closure in a few more things, I might make some real healing progress. I do want to get a wounded heart tattoo at some point as it is part of my journey.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

Honor is still a real struggle for me. I feel the real struggle of my natures at times.  Oh, for me this is no longer about sin and righteousness.  For me the issue is more about the Wolves and Ravens.  Making sure the wolves of Need and Want listen to the ravens of Reason and Wisdom. Honor is returning but it is a slow and painful process.

Thing is school will be ending soon and with that graduation.  I even have a lead on an internship to finish things off this Spring. I am really hoping that fully closing this latest chapter in my life and looking forward to the future will restore some honor.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

I am coming up to a time when courage might be called for.  Graduation now looms and looking for a new career starts probably this next week.  I need to be decisive and courageous in this.  The time is getting closer to act.

I want whatever career path I choose to be right.  It needs to fit me.  When I see it, I want to grasp it with both hands.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

I miss the old Microphone.  I was absolutely honest with the way I saw things and the truth was more important to me than anything.  Now, I can’t recommend this in the end though, as it can be painful to face the truth about one’s self and situations.  It is often better not to say anything, if one cannot be honest.

This blog takes a different tack.  It is honest when it speaks but when it is silent, that’s when you know I am taking the route of being silent is better when you can’t be honest.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals
  3. Review Bucket List
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Meditate on One of the Virtues
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

I would say this is becoming more automatic and it is become habit.  To really make sure of that, I need to keep doing it for several more months. The real thing though is the peace of mind and focus this gives me early in the day.  It keeps me focused on why I live quite frankly.  I do feel a sense of purpose again and it is in large part due to the morning routine, in particular the meditation on the NNV and reviewing my goals and principles.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

I did a Rabyd Skald post recently about tattooing my closure.  I suppose when people look at the bucket list they might see get my tattoos, they wonder what specifically I am talking about.  Here is my list:

  1. Valknut Tattoo with wolves, ravens and a rune circle.  Right forearm.
  2. Broken Celtic Cross – Center Back right under my neck
  3. Two Wolves – Left shoulder “It’s OK to Feed the Wolves…” in writing under them.
  4. Two Ravens – Right shoulder – “but Listen to the Ravens First”
  5. Wounded Heart Tattoo – Left Pectoral

#1 is about my new philosophy of life where I can always see it and remind myself of it.  #2 – Old Faith – Still I must admit it has an effect on my thinking but I don’t have faith so it is broken.  #3-4 – My philosophical statement clearly stated.  #5 – Given this post, I think this one is self-explanatory.

Weightlifting:

If there is any concern right now it is that my current gym might close.  It’s having a hard time now that Planet Fitness is in town.  The owner is pretty distraught with a lot of personal issues as well.  I hate this because this was my gym – my home gym.  I love the place and always have. I hope they find a way to keep going.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – The Foundational Virtues – Closure

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

I have spent the greater part of October planning and organizing the plan for my life post-pastor and post-Christianity. Now it is time to act.  This last week has been a little rough for me, as I have spent way too much time thinking on the past and trying to shake it. The real thing I think I am facing is the fact that with a lot of parts of the past, I lack closure.  Things ‘ended’ with several things in my life with what I would consider bad endings. If they had been written out as part of one of my stories, I would have definitely considered a rewrite to at least provide some sense of ending for the reader.  The way things actually went down, there is no sense of that.  At least from my side there isn’t.

It’s why things don’t sit well with me on several past issues and this is something that is affecting me and my wife, so I will probably talk about it at our next counseling session. I can’t go into all the details, but I think I need a way to find some closure on some things and I just don’t know how yet.  That’s part of my next task personally.

As it is, I need to fight the anger, sadness and The Grey that comes with this struggle, so the time to Journal and Act on all the planning I have done this last month is now.  I need to stay busy and thus keep walking this journey I call my life.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

The real question for me is honor.  In some of these past cases, I feel people got the better of me by taking advantage of my vulnerability.  In some cases, it is myself that needs to apologize for my actions. In some cases, it is simply that the way I parted with someone just wasn’t right.  There are many things left unsaid and undone.

It’s hard to be positive about my future when the past reminds me of my failures.  It needs to be dealt with properly and in some cases, it might not be possible. I need to calm myself through meditation at these times and refocus on the future.  It’s just something I need to get better at doing.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Three things are required for courage to take place.  1) To know what the right thing is. 2) To know what to do about it and 3) To know when to do it.  It’s this three-fold thing that keeps me engaged in evaluation of every action that requires courage.

If there is a closure regret that I can relay specifically, it’s that I truly wish I could go back in time and handle my church resignation myself.  What I should have done is taken a Sunday off to think about it and then resigned in person the next Sunday after that.  Perhaps then things would have been different, but who knows.  For future reference some notes to self: 1) If there is something hard to do, do it yourself and 2) Don’t trust others to do things for you that directly affect you – they will either fuck it up or fuck you over, so do it yourself.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

Being honest with myself is more the struggle these days.  It is easy to blame others and I am not saying others are not to blame at times, but you can only control what you do, so knowing the truth is helpful in that regard.  If others do indeed fuck you over, then fine, but make sure you learn what you could have done better first before seeking justice.

I pursue any knowledge I think will benefit me in the future.  These days this pursuit is done with a lot of practicality in mind.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals
  3. Review Bucket List
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Meditate on One of the Virtues
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

This has been going really well so far, but I had to make one change in the order which was to put my meditation after my full body stretch.  This is more of a practical thing as I end my stretching on the floor and so it’s a simple matter to go lotus position at that point and just meditate for a couple of minutes on the Virtue for the day.  Other than that I think the whole thing is a good order and working well for me.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

I think the one thing on this list that is the most possible is getting my first tattoo once I have the money. I mean I could do the Smoke a Joint thing but I am trying to keep clean for job search purposes.  Once school is over I think the novel and Learning Latin might be next.  The weightlifting goals will come when they come.

Weightlifting:

Weightlifting’s great challenge right now is picking which days to do it.  My schedule at work is different days every week. So the thing is that I need to make four trips to the gym a week.  This means sometimes its weekend days as well.  This is simply necessary because trying to lift after a long day of work and school and then late gym session can be too much.  I found out Sunday morning is pretty empty at the gym.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues – My Nutritional Plan

Happy Woden’s (Odin) Day 

I never really got anywhere with my body and health until I figured out that it wasn’t the exercise that mattered most.  Exercise is important but what is more important is nutrition.  If you can get nutrition down, then a lack of exercise at times when it happens is less detrimental.  My experience so far with this is that when I can’t lift or walk like I would like, my weight and health stay steady as long as I am keeping up nutrition.

Now, I have to say that the diet plans with you counting carbs or calories don’t work for me.  Nor does setting up a meal plan in the sense of having every meal and snack laid out.  No, none of that works for me and I also find the whole idea of six small meals a day cost prohibitive.  Sorry it is. So I have spent my time looking for alternatives.

My goals with nutrition is 1) To lose fat, 2) To maintain muscle and strength and 3) control my diabetes. These three goals do often conflict, at least if you follow the traditional method for dealing with diabetes for instance.  The original diet plan I had from the experts still had me pouring carbs into myself in order to keep my sugar steady.  The problem with this became all to apparent that I struggled to lose weight and logically, if you are insulin resistant, how in the world is it better to put more things into your blood stream that require more insulin to digest? How is that going to work?  You are compounding the problem. People assured me this worked but then I watched this video and realized I actually has doctors asking the same questions and bingo it clicked.

I also have some practical concerns.

Firstly, I need a plan that I can eat when I can eat and not worry about how much I am eating.  For me a better control system is controlling what and when I eat.  Not how much and counting numbers.  Secondly, I can’t always eat at regular intervals.  I neither have the money to buy the food nor the schedule. Finally,  I also am one of those people who like a big meal now and then.  So my plan in since the beginning of summer has been two-fold.  1) Paleo Diet as a base and 2) Intermittent fasting as a control.

Paleo Diet is my base in that it controls what I eat.  Not how much but basically what I can eat.  Mostly I eliminate a lot of stuff that has sugar or carbs altogether. Probably the most notable are bread, pasta, potatoes, sugar and dairy.  Now I am not pure Paleo Diet.  I ignore two things – Dairy (it doesn’t have carbs – unless sugar is added – and it contains protein) and High Salt Meats. Basically the last one is countered by the fact I lift and muscles need salt.

Bread is a struggle because all cheap meals are sandwich foundational.  I don’t miss pasta much.  I hit potatoes maybe once a week. Sugar I still have once in a while but I buy the smallest serving of what I am craving and stick with that.  Fruit is a good alternative to sugar snack.  I like oranges and strawberries as an alternative and the nice thing about them is I only need one orange and a handful of strawberries.  The main thing is I can eat all the meat I want to and it doesn’t matter what kind.  Protein in abundance and that stifles appetite.

The control is intermittent fasting.  The nutritional and agricultural industry have us with this notion that we must eat three large meals a day with numerous snacks in between.  I mean what incentive do they really have to tell us to eat less?  They make money off us eating stuff.  So I intermittent fast from time to time.  I am getting ready to do some more here starting next week once all the planning is in place and it is time to implement it all.

Now so far this summer I think the results speak for themselves. I weighed 343 lbs in mid May.  My A1C was 8.1.  In late July I was 302 lbs. and my A1C was 7.0  I have lost weight since but I don’t know how much.  I also suspect my sugar as dropped some more but until my next blood test I don’t know how much.  I would say it’s working far better than the established nutritional plans.

Despite the success, I feel I have plateaued as far as weight loss in the last month or so.  So more carb reduction is in order and probably intermittent fasting will return.  In that case I am thinking I will eat breakfast which will be purely Paleo with one exception.  Probably oatmeal with honey.  Then I will fast from the time I get up which is 2 am roughly because of work and that will last until I get off work which is about 2 pm,  I can eat then from 1 pm until I go to bed a 8 pm.  Giving I am eating breakfast early when I get up this doesn’t seem as long.  On days off it is harder than I am at work honestly.

As far as drink I am heading toward being mostly water and not flavored either. If there is an exception, it’s my allowed consumption of alcohol at social events and a couple of times a week before bed.  Milk is not off my list because I still allow dairy but to be honest I am not a fan of milk.  I allow for Coke Zero, but I am thinking of limiting that way down for a while to get rid of the caffeine and save some money.  I think I might be a little high on that.

A word on cheats.  I do allow them.  I will eat at work if my employer is putting up the food and it doesn’t matter what it is. I allow three meals a week to have non-Paleo elements.  As long as it is only one.  Once a week, my wife and I consider ice cream together, so that is on my list of cheats.  Mostly though when I have a craving, I get the smallest serving size and eat it, or commonly I just don’t and wait and usually, given enough time, it goes away.

Self-Reliance:

“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”

Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.

I think we are good so far.  When all the planning is done and I get these journal entries in line with the goals, bucket lists, routines and plans, the Business Virtues will probably focus on the budget instead of nutrition. For now I can say the budget is tight but we are providing for ourselves what we need. The future is still the question and this going to require a budget that anticipates growth and we are going to have to make that happen.  For self-reliance to continue we need income growth.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.

I think the real indicator that you are on to something when it regards work is people begin to complain about it.  I work hard, I can do a lot of things people who are smaller and weaker cannot do and my job does have that heavy lifting element. I am not the fastest worker but I work constantly and continually, you won’t see me standing around and talking a lot unless it is communicating with management or my fellow workers.  I am thus starting to get attacks against my work by people who don’t.  Complaining never has done me much good so I am working on making sure I complain about systems and things, not people.

Laziness is not efficient either. I have to admit I have used being tired as an excuse away from work when it comes to school.  I need to get over that. I need extra item in November to do research and write so the busy work of school needs to be a week or two ahead for me to be successful and that need to happen by this weekend or latest Halloween.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.

I don’t have time to be hospitable to any but the most in need. My life needs to become more prosperous before my dream of retiring to be the philosopher everyone visits comes true.  More on that in a future post.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Weightlifting Plan

Happy Moon’s Day

I must pause here and reflect a bit before I get into my actual plan.  This has been without a doubt one of the most stressful times I have had running from the end of May until the end of August.  It was in many ways up and down like the worlds most twisty roller coaster and just as friendly to my insides.  Through all that, I have been able to maintain a couple of things that kept me from going totally nuts.  One of them was weightlifting.

Like Henry Rollins says – 200 lbs. is 200 lbs.  The Iron is a reference point, beacon and the real deal.  There is no falsity to iron. In my life, the iron has never left me, disappointed me, run out on me or freaked out on me. I found this summer the one place of calm and steadiness was the gym and my truest friend the iron.

My weightlifting plan revolves around quarters.  October through December is the fourth quarter so I am coming to the end of my current year cycle. Next Year is kind of up in the air because I plan on looking for a new job and that might take me in various directions.  It’s too bad because after three and a half years at my current gym, I have come to love the place.  Practicality might dictate something closer to work instead of school and that means changing gyms.  This might cause me to change plans but I doubt it as I wouldn’t consider a gym that didn’t have the equipment I need, unless I have no choice.

In planning I have also had to consider some injuries of the past.  Two years ago I had a repair on a high hernia which required a fairly lengthy recovery from a lifting standpoint.  More recently I have had to deal with tennis elbow in my left elbow. It’s these more lengthy, non-life threatening events that have caused me to rethink an old saying – ‘you need to train to train.”  That means more abdominal work and forearm work.  Stuff a lot of people neglect but I can’t afford to do that anymore.  I want to keep lifting for a long time so injury prevention training is part of the deal.  That’s why the split is longer with five days but I only lift on four days a week so recovery is not an issue.  It’s also why every day now starts with a full stretching routine in the mix.

Everything I do is focused on muscle growth or endurance.  Strength comes with that but it’s not a focus. As I age, muscle loss is more of a problem and I want to fight that.  I will however start with strength because my bucket list has some items I need to work on. So January will be more strength focused with probably a 4 x 5 set/rep range. April to June I will be back to hypertrophy with 4 x 8, July to September 4 x 10, October to December – 4 x 8 once again.

My split hasn’t changed all year other than I added a day – The Core Day which is about abdominal work.  Day 1 – Chest/Delts, Day 2 – Back/Traps, Day 3 – Legs, Day 4 – Arms, Day 5 – The Core. I am hoping once school gets done I can go back to five days a week but right now I four is enough with one day getting a break each week.

Honor:

Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

There is always some argument about whether honor is an internal thing or external thing.  I say internal because quite frankly not every one is going to like you and just because some people dishonor you, it doesn’t mean you have it give them credence.  What should mean something to you is your feeling of self value and if that’s good you are good. It’s why some people can disrespect me and I can ignore them or tell them to fuck off.

I am struggling with being positive.  Right now mental fatigue is very high and what I really want is a whole week off from everything.  Not going to happen, so need to find a way to get more motivation to get stuff done and that starts with being positive.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

I say fuck off to a lot of people who call me a coward.  Sometimes the right thing is to walk away and that is what I am trying to do.  The same time, I feel the scales of justice need to be balanced, but I can be patient about that.

Image may contain: 1 person, beard and text  Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

I spend a lot of time in silence these days.  It’s better than lying to people who want to know how I am.  Mostly, people need to mind their own business.  I also would say I don’t tell to many people what’s going on with me, because my trust level of others has taken a nose dive in the last few months.  I trust very few these days and most of them are family and even then advice is to be wary of everyone.  Some don’t like the truth, so there is that.

Image may contain: one or more people and textSchool is OK.  I get by but I am waiting for that spark that ignites me to pursue knowledge at a high level and I think that is starting to happen.  We shall see.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!