Happy Moon’s Day. It’s the 12th night of Yule. This is the Night of Oaths. This is the night with the greatest feasting; it is a sacred night that marked the final passing of the Wild Hunt. This is night when oaths for the coming year were made. The custom of caroling has its origins in this night. That and New Years resolutions. Only with the vikings this was a night of oaths. Sacred oaths which were considered the most holy on this night. Especially those sworn on Frey’s boar or Thor’s Hammer.
Journal Entry:
I have never been one for resolutions and as the year draws to a close I still feel the same way as most people who such resolutions are done and often fail. I have found that the best time to resolve to do something is when you are thinking on it and are emotionally motivated and that can happen at any time.
I also already have plans that have been developed with goals, a bucket list and other motivating factors in place where I am trying to achieve certain ‘ends’, so oaths or resolutions don’t really help there.
I also think the best advice about oaths is found in Matthew 5:
“Again you have heard thatit was said to those ofold,‘You shall not swear falsely, butshall perform your oaths to the Lord.’But I say to you,do not swear at all …But letyour ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’
In short keeping your word in general is far better than making oaths and I heartily agree. But I also see that oaths are needed in certain situations. Otherwise, motivation can be lacking and so oaths bind us to act. I do then have an oath to take.
My Oath for 2019:
By all that is truly holy, I swear to:
Be loving and act in love toward my wife, family and friends.
To execute justice when the power to do so is given to me.
Act wisely in all my endeavors.
I know this is not specific but I am new to this oath thing so this year it will have to do. As I go through this year, the oaths I might have to swear on oath night next year will become clearer I think.
Honor:
“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”
Principle – Be positive about my future
I was a good weekend and I am feeling like I am developing a sense of inner value or worth again. I am also learning to respect those qualities in others.
Courage:
“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”
Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.
Bravery is something I find a little easier. This coming year I am going to need lot of it as I start something completely new for myself. I need to take risks and at my age that can be hard to do. I must however engage in actions that would befit someone younger and bolder.
Truth:
“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”
Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.
Honest assessment of where I am is needed and honest words. Time to take the spirit of Oath night and make it something I do all night long.
Morning Routine:
Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
Meditate on the Virtues
Review Goals
Review Bucket List
Full Body Stretch
Breakfast
Supplements and Medicines
Shower and Personal Hygiene
Get Dressed for the Day
Solid. I only really want to look at the meditation part and get a much more formalized way of doing it.
Bucket List:
Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
Get My Tattoos.
Actually Get Drunk.
Smoke a Joint.
Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
Two things have to come off this list in the coming year. Finding out which ones is going to be the excitement of it.
Weightlifting:
Need to find a new gym but my employer keeps messing with my hours. Finding a new job may be essential to getting back to weightlifting. I need the resources to get back to something I love doing and miss greatly.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Happy Sun’s Day. It is also the 11th Night of Yuletide. This night is sacred to the Valkyries and Warriors. We remember those who choose the slain as the noble and honored dead destined for Valhalla, and those warriors who were chosen. Today we remember the virtue of Self-Reliance.
Announcements:
We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.
We also don’t take an offering here. We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it. Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it. Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.
Today’s service resembles a concert more than a service. Basically, the idea struck me that I should do the past year, one month at a time, in song. So there will be no text or sermon today. Just one song per month (two for one month) representing each month as I experienced it. This probably as much as a reflection on this past year, but rather than write about it, I will just give you a song on each month and a little commentary.
I suppose a warning is in order as I am going to be pretty open here about my thoughts. I also should note that I had to take a break twice while writing this post. There are a lot of strong emotional memories to 2018 for me. Some good; some bad. In any case, my hope is a little more closure on a year I hope to not repeat. Overall it changed me for the better, but it was a helluva ride.
Music for me is still a an expression of the real emotions and thoughts I am having I can’t express in words. I think for this reason this way of doing a year review is probably more accurate in many ways than just writing about it.
January: No Rest for the Wicked – Godsmack:
I choose this song for the theme for the entirety of 2018. I started with the struggle to be a ‘man of God’ who had lost his faith. The whole year was me not getting enough rest because of all my struggles. In the end, I dropped the masks and I am probably far more at rest because I am more genuinely who I really am now. The verses of this song really reflect some of my thoughts to this day, so it fits.
February: American Pie – Don McLean:
In February, my long time organist and friend died. This represented the last of three great musicians/vocalists in my church and with this death for all practical purposes it was ‘the day the music died’ both in my church and my soul. It was my grief over this, and the fact only one person understood it at the time, that left me vulnerable.
March: Losing my Religion – REM:
March was a transitional month for me as I started to fall in love with someone I shouldn’t have. Looking back on it, and as warning to others, grief over the loss of two good friends in less than a year, a weak marriage and looking for comfort, left me open to this. That and not caring about my religion anymore. I had lost my faith a couple of years before due to theological reasons, but now the emotional side of it came crashing down.
April: Don’t Stand So Close to Me – The Police:
Lot’s of secret love this month. Both directions and both forbidden. I have come to a greater understanding of this song than I ever wanted to this year. Now when I hear this song, I remember the lessons of this past year vividly. Mostly how easy it is to submit to temptation, especially when you are hurting and want something to ease the pain. There is really no excuse for this, but there are reasons people do this which I now know all too well. I have no excuses, but I did have those reasons.
May: Monsters – Shinedown:
The shit hit the fan in late May and my monsters got loose. I think I made the remark at the time that the Pagan was freed from his cage and was kicking the Christian’s ass. I suppose this song stretches into June as well.
The reason it does, is I trusted someone I considered to be a friend with something important. They took advantage of that trust and betrayed me to get one more win over me, probably to stroke his already overly inflated ego. Yeah, rage doesn’t begin to describe what I felt when I found that out. It became greater as more details emerged during the summer and I began to discover how planned and maliciously thought out this betrayal was. It still is something I struggle with and quite frankly I finally found someone I don’t believe I can ever forgive. At least not until the scale of justice gets balanced first. Til then my monsters stay hungry and patiently wait.
June: Familiar Taste of Poison – Halestorm:
I fell in love with Halestorm this summer. I also fell fully in love with a young woman. It’s a decision I now regret. I think the relationship was full of natural chemistry but part of that chemistry was the additional effect of generating a toxicity that was wonderfully deadly. I didn’t want to be saved and I didn’t want to be sober. In the end, I think that toxicity killed it. I probably should be glad for that, but there is still a sadness and pain to it all for me. This song definitely captures that feeling for me still.
July: 400 Lux – Lorde:
I don’t like describing people as addictions. It makes them seem like they’re not people but the relationship I had was addicting. Relationships are things. We were always killing time together in July, so the lyrics fit too. It’s no accident I chose the video for this song that has scenes from The Perks of Being a Wall Flower. It’s a reminder, that life needs to be lived and not just observed. It’s also a book I probably will not read again for the foreseeable future. Maybe someday I will pick it up again with new eyes, because I really liked it. There are too many memories associated with it right now. That and the Song All of Me by John Legend. This song by Lorde I can still listen to and remember without it being too painful, but not that one.
August: Stuck with You – Huey Lewis and the News:
August was a roller coaster month. It was pivotal turning point. I went from being very special to the young woman in question to becoming someone they used to know in the space of less than a hour. I found a new job, but this happened the same day, so the joy of that disappeared. I found myself alone and bleeding from my soul pretty bad. In that state, I also woke up and began to think that my wife and I could save our marriage. From my perspective, it was a long shot and I fully expected my wife to tell me to go to hell.
But she didn’t. She accepted my apology and apologized to me in return. We talked, I mean really talked, for the first time in years. It started a healing process that is still in process, but we are better than we have ever been in a long while. This was the start of that.
Long story short, we found our way back together. In all of this, the only one who really never stopped loving me is her. The only one who exercised ‘Christian’ love, mercy and forgiveness was her. It overwhelmed me and I fell in love with her again. We picked this song as our own while on a weekend away. I am happy to be stuck with her and she is happy to be stuck with me.
September: Love Walks In – Van Halen:
In August I was standing in a convenience store when this song was played. I started singing it out loud as the cashier was doing so too. He stopped and asked me if it had meaning to me and I said it did now. I continue to play this song on my ‘Wife Playlist’, it makes me think of this moment and her every time. Throughout September it was my second favorite song next to Stuck With You.
October: I have two for this month. Sorry I couldn’t choose just one.
Both of these songs are on my current walking play list and have been so for a long time. In October as school began in earnest, I found myself listening to them every day. I still do when I listen to music.
Prayer – Disturbed:
It is the way I pray – ‘living isn’t hard enough without ‘god’ making it harder. I love the lyrics of this song and the feelings behind it. It reflects a lot of my continued struggles with faith.
Voices – Disturbed:
I love the video of this song as it reflects the song so well. I like how the guy is bullied, made fun of and has that girl he likes moment where she dissed him. He then fantasizes about how to get even with them all – the voices speak in his head. Instead of acting on them though, he just leaves work and goes to a concert and lets it all go instead. I listen to this one a lot when I am having dark thoughts. It helps them simmer down.
November – Hammer to Fall – Queen:
I include this one for a lot of reasons: 1) The biopic Bohemian Rhapsody was released this month and my daughter and I had a date and went to see it. Best movie I have seen in a long time. 2) I think in some ways it became a month of returning to ‘normal’ where my wife and I, my family and the friends I have left are back to some sense of stability. This song kind of is symbolic of that as my daughter and I got back to talking music, books and movies – instead of the chaos of my life. 3) The message of this song. The hammer is going to fall, so live life fully. 4) Plus it wouldn’t a music list without Queen.
December: Dreams – Van Halen:
Reflective of the end of the year. I graduated college (with a little work to do) and my wife, myself and family have been celebrating the holidays together. I am starting to dream again about what my life will be. Dreams are what love is made of according to the song and honestly my life has started to reflect that again.
Parting Thought:
Wishing you the most prosperous journey as you travel through 2019.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Happy Tyr’s Day. It is also the 6th night of Yuletide. This night is sacred to the goddess Eir and Healing. Eir being one of the Valkyrie who was famous for her healing skills. I know today is December 25th and is sacred to all you Christians out there. It used to mean a lot to me in this regard as well. So Merry Christmas and best wishes for the New Year. Today we pagans celebrate the virtue of Discipline mostly in regard to taking care of one’s self in regard to health.
Well, this will not be a normal Of Wolves and Ravens. As promised I am establishing a pattern for writing Of Wolves and Ravens. With a pattern I have a pretty good chance of being disciplined in writing it each week. I will be doing the same for Odin’s Eye and my New Series on Saturday on Norse Mythology. Haven’t come up with a unique title for that yet, but I will.
Topics I want to include here in Of Wolves and Ravens must meet the requirement of being a philosophical discussion. So included here is discussions of the Nine Noble Virtues of Asatru, The three higher virtues – Love, Justice and Wisdom. Discussions on Minimalism and Libertarianism will here as well. I must say this would be a good place to discuss economics and political philosophy so that will be here as well as regular western and eastern philosophy. I think a ten week pattern is in order.
Week 1 – Nine Noble Virtues and The Higher Virtues
Week 2 – Honor and Eastern Philosophy
Week 3 – Courage and Western Philosophy
Week 4 – Truth and Love
Week 5 – Self Reliance and Minimalism
Week 6 – Industriousness and Economics
Week 7 – Hospitality and Justice
Week 8 – Discipline and Political Science
Week 9 – Perseverance and Libertarianism
Week 10 – Fidelity and Wisdom
I think this pattern will be a good one as it will keep me covering a lot of different topics and not getting stuck on too many. I will try to bring modern events and other things into the discussion as much as possible.
I want to change the nature of the Wolves and Ravens as far as Need, Want, Reason and Wisdom which will still appear at the end and make them more personal to myself. Taking the discussion about whatever topic is there for the week and putting it into practice personally is the goal at that point. This should keep me writing and more importantly changing for the better as I continue this journey I call my life.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Happy Sun’s Day. It is the 4th Night of Yule. This day is dedicated to the gods Freyr and Njord. It is about peace and having a good upcoming season. Tonight is about the virtue of love and the developing a sense of community. Compassion, forgiveness and mercy are all present in this night of Yuletide.
Announcements:
We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.
We also don’t take an offering here. We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it. Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it. Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.
Opening Song: Halford – Get into the Spirit:
Halford is the lead singer for Judas Priest. I really like the fact that metal music can do this kind of thing. Do something different. Some of his takes on classic hymns at Christmas are superb.
Poem: “Yuletide Prayer” – Jenna
Meditation:
Just something personal I have noted in my life. I actually feel far less stress. I haven’t enjoyed the holidays like this in years. Just saying.
Song of Preparation: Pentatonix – Carol of the Bells:
What a great group these people are. I can’t say enough of how I have enjoyed Pentatonix over the years.
Text:
“Happy Holidays”
Sermon:
Just a short word today – Happy Holidays to all that come here and read my stuff. I trust you will find this holiday season full of peace, joy, hope and love. Enjoy the season and live life fully in the coming years.
Skaal!!!
Closing Song: “Baby It’s Cold Outside” – Lady Gaga and Joseph Gordon-Levitt:
You probably can tell where I stand on this controversy, This is clearly two people who have the hots for each other and there is this game they are playing back and forth. Seeing in this version Lady Gaga is playing the part of the person trying to convince the other to stay, is she trying to rape him? Sorry, the notion is ridiculous. both of these people want to go at it with each other. It’s not undo pressure, it’s actually cultural concern by what outsiders will think that is the issue.
Gods, I don’t know when Puritanism became politically correct, but it needs to be stopped. Let’s be honest this is got to be another example of political correctness being something we need to discard as the language and cultural fascism it is. Are we really going to get to the point where flirting and seduction is going to be considered rape itself?
Enjoy the holidays and keep warm with the one you love.
Parting Thought:
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
I know I will probably get a reaction out of this one and I am not trying to be provocative. I am simply trying to get people to see the logical problems of Salvation through Christ. Once you dismiss sin as a made up concept, you could say that it is really unnecessary to go after ‘God’s’ solution to the problem, but the whole of Christianity revolves around Christ’s work on the cross and the resurrection to save people from sin and from eternal damnation. You might say it is the core doctrine no matter what flavor of Christianity you live by so it deserves some attention.
Faith:
Of course, the first thing each flavor of Christianity stakes out is how said salvation is achieved with Christ. The faith versus works controversy starts right away in the first century. James and Paul go at it right in the Bible. Now I heard multiple explanations from both Protestants and Catholics of why James and Paul are not arguing about the same thing really but they practically quote each other with only one variation. One says salvation in Christ cannot be of works so no one can boast, and the other one says that without works it is impossible to show faith. No matter how you logically try to get them to be ‘defending the same salvation only from different directions”; it is contradictory. One is saying that works have nothing to do with salvation, and the other is saying it does.
So what this really shows is that even in the Bible and among early Christians, they had disputes and disagreements about how this works and thus it points to the Bible not being inspired by God so much as it records those early debates among the faithful about how salvation worked. That makes the Bible very human and also not the Word of God because if God had actually wanted to tell us how this works because it seems it would be the most important thing for us to know, he would have made it plain, straightforward and quite frankly non-contradictory.
Religion:
Of course, every flavor of Christianity goes even further with specifics and added on things to the doctrine of salvation in Christ. The Catholic Church plain out tells you that you can only be saved from death through them and no one else. Many Protestant denominations will tell you the same. My former denomination would tell people that they had the whole gospel, not just part of it. Salvation is complicated by religion because religion seeks to use these ideas to keep people grateful and faithful for telling those people their version of ‘the truth’.
Theology:
Religion aside though, my objections are theological – what kind of God do we have, who claims to be merciful and loving, but demands for his followers to be forgiving without condition but doesn’t do so himself? It also brings up the question of the ability to forgive in that we are expected to forgive each other without condition because we can, even as sinners. Yet, a holy God can’t simply forgive without sacrificing his only begotten son in one of the cruelest ways ever devised by man. He must have this sacrifice or he cannot forgive at all and I must have faith in it and the resurrection or he will not forgive me specifically. Worse yet if I don’t forgive others as a Christian, he won’t forgive me. He can choose to not forgive others and still be a holy God, but if I don’t forgive, I cannot be saved? So I as a ‘sinner’ have not only a greater expectation than my creator but also I am more capable because I can do this forgiveness without conditions, but he cannot?
This bit of ‘logic’ pales in comparison to the fact that in order to forgive us he must sacrifice himself to himself, to appease himself to save us from himself. See the problem? Well Ed, what if then the whole doctrine of salvation as it currently stands is man-made and that isn’t the real one? My response – exactly and that is probably true from the start of Christianity to where it actually stands today. It seems to me that this idea is just as man-made because a supreme being could have come up with the simple plan to just forgive people. As Jesus is praying in the garden “if it be possible, let this cup pass from me” we would see the opening up the heavens and God saying -“You know what, I have a better plan – let’s just forgive people like I expect them to forgive each other.” That would be just, logical and consistent.
There is also another theological side issue – How much of a sacrifice is it really for Jesus if he knows for certain (which he indicates three times in the gospels) that he will rise from the dead? Honestly, if he knew that and most people who have faith believe he did and the text certainly seems to indicate he did, then it isn’t that big of a sacrifice? He knows he is not going to ultimately be dead in the end, so why not do it as there is no ultimate risk to him? In the end, Jesus is risking nothing himself as God, just going through the inconvenience of temporal suffering. Why? To make a point? What point would that be, when there is nothing actually sacrificed in the end?
Spirituality:
I guess this leaves me with the question from a spiritual point of view as to what salvation is? Or does it? I mean, if there is no such thing as sin, there is no need to be saved from it. Of course, then I could be left with the question of what the real divine reality might expect from me? I guess only thing then is to live a good life regardless of what that divine reality might be. Marcus Aurelius rightly observes, in my opinion, this in his famous quote on the good life.
Of course, you are kind of left to things yourself as to define what virtues you will live by to attain that good life. In short, what is defined as a good life is left to you.
Conclusion:
So with number three down, I am left with my final objection to consider at the end of this month concerning Christianity and the Christian god. Namely that the justice of the God of the Bible is suspect, particularly when it comes to the doctrine of final destination – aka Hell.
The rest of the schedule for Odin’s Eye for 2018 is as follows:
December 13 – Why I Am A Pagan
December 21 – Yule
December 28 – Objections to Christianity – Part 4 – The Justice of the God (Hell)
Then it will be on to the New Year.
I want to note at this point that once mt last objection is laid bare, I will be putting all four of them in one page so that if anyone, want’s to attempt to answer them, I will gladly hear you out and respond at that point.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
One of my goals is to be in the best shape possible by my Birthday so I can take some progress pictures. That would be March 18th, 2019. I will be 50. There is something about these birthdays where the first number and last number both change. I mean ten was probably where I first became aware of abstract thought and started to find girls far more interesting. Twenty I went from being single to married and started my first round of college. Thirty was a year where I became ordained as a minster and became pastor of my first church. Forty was the year I started my last church. Now I approach fifty and it truly is a milestone.
I will be finished with school and very close to the end of my internship. I will be hopefully starting a new career with a new job. 2019 is truly going to not just be a new chapter in my life but in truth a whole new part to the story. I want part of that to be able to stand naked in front of the mirror on March 18th, 2019 and say: ‘Damn Ed, you look really good for fifty.”
The biggest part of that happening is going to involve nutrition. I lift weights and walk/hike and that is important, but it is nutrition that not only gets results but allows you to keep them. It is about lifestyle choice that leads to a better life, not just a better body.
Philosophically, I know that plans that involve meal planning, counting calories and points do not work for me. I have said it before I do the best when I can control what I eat and when I eat it. What has worked so far is a combination of Paleo and Intermittent Fasting. The issue right now is to train myself to make that even more discipline and tighter as I get closer to my birthday. After that finding a basic patterns that works and keeps working will be the goal. The details of this plan will be below in nutrition section but my basic idea is to slowly drop the number of carbs sources I can eat a day and the number of cheat meals a week. The four weeks leading up to my birthday both of these will be very low; if they exist at all.
Couple this with intermittent fasting and you get a powerful combo that so far has dropped my weight probably fifty pounds since May. I don’t really go by weight though as my basic test of how I feel and look to me is the naked in front of the mirror test. If I can look in the mirror and feel proud of what I have accomplished and my wife is giving me bedroom eyes, then I will have considered it a breakthrough. Then it will be about maintaining it into the future.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
Nutrition is simply one of those areas I am trying to apply more discipline. To be harder on myself, so greater things can be achieved. My homework and study time right now is tight with this as well, but I take comfort in the fact there is less than three weeks to go and the last half of December is pretty much going to be chill time. I will still be working in retail, so it won’t be completely relaxing until after January 1st. I just won’t have three major things to work on, just two. I will probably use the extra time to start disciplining myself toward attaining some other things on my list of goals and the bucket list.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
Shit. I look back at 2018 and marvel how many times I was knocked down and got up. I am not talking simple knockdowns either but full on flat on your ass knockdowns where you slide from the force of the blow for twenty feet. Where you lay there gasping for breath wondering if you are going to live knockdowns. I got up from all of them and I still am shaking my head about it.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
I think the biggest realization I have had this week is how much I now distrust people when they say they are my friend or want to be my friend. I can tell I am still skeptical of this. Only people who proved my friend during this year do I seem to trust without question, and even then I wonder very slightly from time to time.
I really do need a new small local circle from a social point of view, but like I told the counselor on Tuesday, I probably will have to look at my new career to find those people. My hope for starting a new support group of some kind might be an avenue as well. The one thing I don’t trust is old wells that have no water – the church or friends who disappeared when things got tough.
At the same time, I kind of marvel at my wife’s forgiveness and loyalty to me. She has no reason to be. None. I guess she loves me. I probably should follow her example and give some people a second chance. Some, but not all that’s for damn sure. Being led astray by others about me is one thing. Being a person who straight up abused my trust and betrayed me is another.
Weekly Routine:
Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
Cleaning – 3 days a week.
Walking – 4 days a week
This week has been more about school than anything else. What this has done is limited trips to the gym and school oddly as class has not been something I need to attend on a couple of occasions. Walking and lifting will not reach their goals this week as I am hitting the books instead.
The gym situation is coming to a head as I will no longer need to travel to the city where my gym currently is as often. Plus, it looks very much like my gym will close soon. That means changing gyms closer to where I work now. Once that happens, training will take on more importance.
Nutrition:
Paleo Diet means I avoid carb sources of foods like the plague. I have pretty much eliminated pasta. What I need to do is slowly wean myself off them pretty much altogether. Part of this is re-educating myself on what I can eat and eating more of it.
The intermittent fasting basically will go like this. I eat breakfast then fast until eight hours later, then I can eat until I go to bed. At first this will be weeks that start with an even-numbered Sundays. Four weeks out from March 18th, 2019 it will be all the time.
The two things that will be added are a weekly check list of cheat meals where when I have one I check one cheat meal off and when I have used them all for the week, I can’t do any more. The other thing I will add is a daily carb food source check list. I want to basically start shrinking both down every week or two. The goal the last month is to have no carbs at all daily and one cheat meal per week.
December 2nd – December 22nd: Weekly Cheat Meals: 5 Daily Non-Paleo Foods: 5
December 23rd – January 5th: Cheat Meals: 4; Daily Non-Paleo Foods: 4
January 6th – January 19th: Cheat Meals: 3; Daily Non-Paleo Foods: 3
January 20th – February 2nd: Cheat Meals: 2; Daily Non-Paleo Foods: 2
February 3rd – February 16th: Cheat Meals: 1; Daily Non-Paleo Foods: 1
February 17th – March 18th – Cheat Meals: 0 (special occasions only), Daily Non-Paleo Foods: 0 – I will actually extend this out for the rest of the week but the goal is my birthday which is a Monday.
Of course extra cheat meals are allowed for special occasions: Birthdays and holidays.
Weekly Recap:
Foundational – I don’t feel to bad in this area. I did come to the conclusion this week that I will feel a great deal better as far as Courage, Honor and Truth once my degree is finished. Still work to do, but I feel much better.
Business – Things are coming to a head, graduation, internship and new job search, I have a feeling my hard work is going to start paying off. Prosperity with purpose is getting closer.
Self – I feel the best about this area. Have for a long time. This week particularly.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
If someone were to ask me if I could still celebrate Thanksgiving as a non-Christian, I would probably respond – “You still think Thanksgiving is a Christian holiday? That’s cute.” The thing is that when you study holidays in general you see a couple of things. Nearly all cultures and religions have a celebration of thanksgiving to whatever powers are worshiped at the harvest time. All of them. The other thing you see is when a country or culture accepts Christianity, Christians basically repackage the pagan holidays and re-symbolize them for themselves. In short, Christians have stolen or blended with holidays from all different traditions since Christianity was founded as the early Jewish Christians still celebrated Jewish holidays. Mostly what you see today is Christians have stolen various holiday traditions from paganism and blended them with their own. It’s why some pagans get mad about the whole thing.
Personally, I am taking a different tack this Thanksgiving. I am a deist and I will probably whisper a prayer (something I rarely do anymore) of pure thanksgiving to whatever powers are really out there, if any. But to be honest there are thanks that could be given to many people for that celebration and for the prosperity I receive. So my list of thanks goes to people this year.
I thank my wife for being a forgiving soul who loves me despite all the things that have happened between us. I haven’t been a very good husband this year, but she deserves wife of the year honors. Thank you baby. I love you more than ever before.
I thank my Mother for being so generous to us in the past decades for housing us an sheltering us. She has put up with a lot and still loves us.
I thank my kids for being good kids. You have all followed your hearts and have learned to love with power. All of you have expressed your love for me this last year and I can’t tell you how much that means to me. Thank you.
I thank my grand kids for being kids. For showing how there can be pure joy in the world for the simple things of life. For showing me that no matter what the news says, I can see hope in your eyes.
I thank my fellow students at school and my professors. The learning environment over the years has been awesome. That is mostly due to you.
I thank my coworkers. You have given me comradeship that I do value. It’s nice to work with you, laugh with you and just share this working experience with you. You make the burdens of it lighter.
As I look at my feast, I thank the farmers, ranchers and all the people who make it possible. To the people who plant, grow, raise, harvest, process and transport all of it – Thank you.
For everyone who keeps the heat and lights on, provides the basics of life and the luxuries. Thank you.
I thank the watchers of the wall. While I think many of the so-called threats to the nation are the politicians made up are garbage done for political ploys, I know there are real threats out there that you guard against. Thank you.
To my friends, to the ones I have left anyway. Thanks for sticking with me. I haven’t made it easy this year I know. I appreciate the real friends who didn’t bolt at the first sign of trouble.
Yeah, I am going to thank people this year. Thank you all.
In Thanksgiving,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
I just don’t have time this week to do a proper Of Wolves and Ravens. School is starting to have the potential to kick my ass and I am having to bear down a bit. It’s OK though, because it gives me a chance to do an update on my constant battle with depression aka The Grey. I could just write and say things are cool, but that would be a lie. I would assess myself as functional but struggling.
I never realized how much betrayal would be a depression trigger. The pain of loss of friendship I think does it. We all objectify people from time to time. It’s the main philosophical problem of our age brought to life. We no longer see people as people like ourselves but rather as problems to be moved aside or dealt with. I work hard every day to see people as people. Even more so since I failed at that with my wife in particular. But my greater motivation is now I very much know what it feels like to be treated as an object as well. Once you have been treated that way, you never forget it and you either work hard not to make others feel that way in return or….you fade into The Grey.
As a warning here at this point. What follows is a discussion of the three things I would be talking to my counselor about if I could afford one. Some of these are sensitive in the sense they can invoke strong feelings. Particularly, if you are family in some sense or another either through blood, long association as my friend or even through my church ties some way, this warning is for you to stop reading at this point, unless you feel you can take the sensitive emotions of the issues presented. I am going to try to be as transparent as possible without being hurtful, but I don’t know how people will react all the time, so the warning is for you.
On a practical note, the reason I am doing this is these issues are making it difficult to concentrate on work or school because they are the closure issues I have been mentioning. It should be noted that on all of these, other people have different views of the events and have called me cowardly and a lair for my viewpoint. I can only present things from my perspective and based on my own conversations with others. The problem still remains that others are telling my story and I want to tell it myself to set a more complete account. I don’t care if you believe me. This is me getting things off my heart and mind for my sake.
Old Flame:
I want to say that even with all the strength and love I have gained from restoring my relationship with my wife, I still have residual pain over loving another and the breakup that followed. I don’t think that should be surprising or shocking as you can’t emotionally invest in someone and not have that happen. What I find hard is not walking away from this relationship as any romantic love I had for her is gone, but mostly how it came apart and the reason why it came about. This is one I think I am just going to have to learn to live with and pretty much learn to do it on my own. I have had a hard time hating people for hurting me like this, but I know I can’t trust them and that makes me sad. Mostly I get mad at both of us for taking this relationship too far. Oddly enough, I still miss the friendship and I learned a valuable lesson on boundaries being important.
I think though this is one of those wounds that will get better with time. I also think it will never heal completely. Mostly I have found healing here in turning my attention to my relationship with my wife and building that.
‘Friendship’ Lost:
The second issue is I had a long time friend with my last church. We did a lot of things together and sat next to each other for well over nine years. We were in a small group together for the same length of time. We knew each other very well. Or I thought I did. The one thing I felt I could do with this person was trust them with something important and in this case my resignation.
My plan was to have my resignation read the one Sunday and then come in the next when I wasn’t feeling so emotional distraught and explain things. That never got to happen. This person set me up.
a) They convinced me to remove all references to the reasons I was resigning – I had been involved in an inappropriate relationship. The reasons for removal given to me were not wanting to start gossip in the church and not dragging the girl into all this. I felt the reasons he gave were solid, so I removed the references to the affair, figuring I could go in the church the next week and deal with that issue.
b) I now know the very day that I gave my ‘friend’ my revised resignation, with all references to the affair removed, he called the woman I had been involved with up and asked her permission in using her name for him to tell the story to the church. He did that after reading my resignation. This made it very much look like I was hiding something, and he was being the noble guy telling everyone the truth.
c) On the Monday that followed the story of what happened came to me though my mother and several others who called me. There was even a plan in place already of how the vote would take place in a few weeks to decide things. None of this was ever shared with me during the months that followed in any official capacity. If it hadn’t been for a few members of my flock who disagreed with how things were being handled and kept me informed, I would never have known anything.
d) I texted this person and asked very simply what was going on. That was June 5th, 2018. I still have the text I sent. It has never been responded to. This person has made no effort to contact me since. Ever.
The sad thing is that I would not have handled things this way had the roles been reversed. I would have given him two things he obviously didn’t give me.
Love – I would have given him the benefit of the doubt and certainly would have allowed him to tell his own side of things and not take it upon myself to do that. The story that followed that I heard had definitely been blown up far bigger than it was and had obvious falsehoods. I would have made sure only established facts were told and crushed any rumors that couldn’t be verified.
Time – I would have given him time to think over things. In retrospect what I should have done is taken a week off to think things over and then resigned the following week myself in person. That’s the time factor I am speaking of. I would have given him these two things because that’s what friends do.
I am not sure what bothers me the most, but one thing I wrestle with is whether this truly is a friendship lost or did I really have a friend there to begin with? I am beginning to think I was nothing more to this guy than an object, that when no longer usable to him and his agenda, I was discarded. That pisses me off. The problem is no matter how many times I pay over the scenario, I keep running into the later conclusion. I know forgiveness is a powerful tool in recovery from things like this, but this one I haven’t forgiven yet. At least fully.
I want to make it clear, I am not looking for vengeance and I would never hurt him physically. That is just not me. What is me is being patient and waiting for the wheel of time to keep turning. If someday I get to balance the scales of justice thanks to fate, providence or karma, I will take it without hesitation. The difference will be I will stab him in the chest while looking him in the eye. Metaphorically speaking, not literally – I hope the man lives a long but miserable life.
Now before everyone lectures me about Christian forgiveness, I will remind people I am not longer religious or a Christian. One thing I do feel is that justice should be served. I may be a former adulterer, but I at least tried to confess it to my flock and would have if not for this man’s interference. I know he is a two-faced, backstabbing liar and that is enough for me. I doubt he will ever admit it, so he continues to lie to cover things up. Maybe he lies to himself more than anyone else.
On thing I do think is such a thing should come to an end as he has no honor or sense of fidelity. I just hope I am around to see it; so I can smile as the fall takes place. There is an old proverb – “Meditate on the bank of the river long enough, and you will see the body of your enemy floating by.” Hopefully it is true. If you hear the sound of clapping when it happens, it will be me applauding as the body floats by.
Perhaps you are also saying I am going back on my treating people was people with this one. I would say I am simply following Christianity here seeing he is a Christian. I am treating him like he treated me. That’s apparently how he wants to be treated, because that how he treated me. As a pagan with a pagan sense of justice, I just want to see the scale balanced.
‘Few’ Goodbyes:
Oddly enough this is not the toughest thing. It’s the lack of the ability to say goodbye to my flock that hurts the most sometimes. Despite my struggles with faith and the affair, I still loved and cared for them like a shepherd. Because of how this was handled by my ‘friend’, I knew there would be a lynch mob waiting for me after that if I went back. I have been left with people contacting me and that has been few in number. Each time it has happened though, I have had a measure of healing come into my life.
I don’t really blame them. I know they were misinformed and tricked by someone they trust. It’s why I was fired and denied severance as well. I let a lot of that go and because they were my sheep I loved very much; I forgive them. The treacherous ram in the middle of them? Well, he just showed his true colors. I never should have turned my back to him. Live and learn.
Maybe in a year or so I can go back and say goodbye to those who are still there. By then perhaps people will have different thoughts on the whole thing. I don’t know. My daughter has always joked with me that she was going to throw an over the hill party when I turned 50. I guess the invite list could have a few select people from the church on it if she does. I definitely wouldn’t mind seeing some of them again. They are good people and I miss many of them.
Conclusion:
I don’t know if this has done anything but help me get through the fog a little and see clearly my path. You don’t get very far glancing over shoulder or looking back. My whole thing is to identify what is weighing me down and find a way to deal with it. Either to cast it off, change it so it isn’t so heavy or learn how to cope with it. I think writing this out and having it out there has been good for my soul. I need that right now and this has definitely helped as I have written it. It’s good to know your enemy and even better when part of that enemy is yourself.
Once again, my purpose here is not to stir up feelings. If I have, I do apologize. But I have been struggling with this for a little while now. I have talked with my wife about it and that has helped but I needed to clear my head. One thing that has always helped has blogging about stuff.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
2018 was one bad year. I mean I did finishing my degree at school, I am now looking for a new job in earnest and I have an internship to complete. But there was also losing my faith, my ministry as a pastor, almost losing my marriage and all the crap of the rest of it. Honestly, I am glad 2018 behind me and hope that 2019 is better. I guess why I am starting this journal thing is I want to see what happens and chronicle it for a lot of reasons. It should be noted that each entry could be my last.
That is one reason I am doing this journal. The Council made me do this thing where I chronicled my past from the time I got my magical abilities until I set them aside in my late teens. I guess I got used to writing the chronicles of my life and now that I have once again taken up the mantle of ‘wizard’, I think it might be helpful for posterity sake. Particularly if something happens to me, that I can leave a record of my battle against the tyranny that is the Council. I may have had to leave my family behind at some point and go underground to protect them. I hope this journal will explain things to them if it finds itself in their hands. Seeing it can only be seen and touched by someone who shares my lineage, it might remain hidden from the Council and find its way to them.
My recent magical troubles started with the death of a person who I shared a protective link with; which meant the protection that link gave me from discovery vanished. My innate magical abilities could be detected and I was indeed captured by the Council because I was unaware this had happened. I wasn’t really captured, so much as constantly being watched and warned not to try to run. House arrest you might say.
During this time I was asked, not too politely to chronicle the story of how I discovered my powers, what people influenced my magical abilities and why I set them aside. I did this and it was of immense interest to them but the joke was on them. I put a spell in the ink that very few know. It basically sets itself on fire once the spell’s trigger is cast. All those journal entries, up in smoke as soon as the last entry was written and read. Lost forever.
I also pretty much gave the middle finger to the Council with my final entry. “Come get me bitches.” Probably not the wisest thing to do. Well they did, but they miss fired and hit my wife instead.
“Sorry, sir. Your wife is dead and we are damned if we can find a cause.”
Terrible words to hear, seeing my wife and I had just reconciled after almost getting a divorce. But I knew the cause, magic. I could practically smell it and at the funeral when I was finally left alone with her body, a quick magic spell told me I was right – some sort of death spell. I also at that moment knew that neither I nor my family was safe. I could mourn my wife to the point of being vulnerable or turn the love I had for her into motivation to act. I chose the latter.
To my family who may find this – I love you, but I am sure that the Council would kill every single one of you to get to me. I may have to leave to protect you because I love you. I can’t say anything because the less you know about where I might go and where I might be the better.
The fact my wife died on November 1st is probably fitting as it is All Saints’ Day. I am not much of a Christian anymore, but my wife is probably the best example of Christian forgiveness I know. It has only been a short time but a lot has happened.
I used her life insurance to pay all our debts and finish off our apartment lease. I was in constant fear most of this time that the Council would try again but I have remained calm. Done what need to be done and now that school is over, I have little to do except continue to look for a job. I have enough life insurance left to hold me over for six months with everything paid off, so there is no immediate rush. I have an internship to do in the spring term, so I am going to do that.
The real puzzle I am having in my head is why the Council has not tried again? I can’t figure it, as I was sure they would try right after their misfires. That death spell is necromancy of the first order and that means the Death Angels – The Council’s number one hit squad. I mean they could have attacked and had it out with me by now but in truth I haven’t even detected any magical presence nearby. It is a puzzle.
I am not afraid of that final confrontation one way or the other. I have discovered my abilities have not really suffered that much in the interim. I mean I need to practice a little to get my skills back up, but my raw naked magical ability is still up there. This is particularly true in schools of magic known as evocation and abjuration. For the layperson, that means I am really good and burning, electrifying and freezing shit and protecting myself with shields that nullify from the same, as well as protect me from other forces. I am good and Divination but not great, so I can discern and detect things with magic. Illusion is weak, like feeble weak. I suck at conjuration, enchantment and transmutation, so only the most basic spells in those schools I can do. I have never even tried necromancy – not even a single spell.
I am actually quite unusual in this regard that I can do two schools with a great deal of power and skill. Most mages have one and maybe a secondary. I really have two, and a secondary along with other small abilities in the rest except Necromancy. I refuse to go Necromancy, so I don’t really know there. Hey, I may be rogue wizard but a trip to the dark side is not in the cards – yet.
My battle abilities ready, they have yet to be recently tested. So, I break out my books of magic and study. I set my wards to block detection and my security runes using evocation. My office room in the apartment now looks more like a wizards lab. Thankfully the landlady doesn’t have reason to even talk to me seeing I paid my rent to the end of summer. At least the rest of the place is clean. It’s the one thing I am OCD about.
The real problem is all my former contacts in the magical world are either dead, far away, estranged from me or I have no idea where they might be. I am really blind when it comes to intelligence and I am pretty much friendless in the magical world. Well not completely without friends in the magical world – there is Nevermore.
Nevermore is my familiar – He is a Raven. Just today I pulled him out of his pocket dimension and he looked at me with the most quizzical expression. Then I remembered it had been thirty years to me, but to Nevermore time had not passed. He knew it was me because of our bond, but he was probably wondering why his young friend looked so old. I told him the story and apologized to him for waiting so long to revive him. He cawed softly. I stroked his head. At least I wasn’t completely alone.
I could look for allies, I mean the Grove is just of couple miles away; I still live in Redberg. That said, I know I was banned for life from the Grove. All I would get would be spears and swords, if I went there. Yeah, no hope in that direction. The entity that rules that place shut me out a long time ago and quite frankly seeing her again would be very painful to me. So what does that leave? Not much. Perhaps I can journey to one of the cities and find the underground magic community. Who knows? Right now, I would give anything if Mr and Mrs. W were still alive. But they are gone and so is my father and my wife.
If I have learned anything about magic though, it is that people who practice it get drawn together. It is like a magnet. I know for instance now that I am using my power more it will draw people like the faerie to it like moths to flame. The word will get out that I am back which causes other problems. As much as I have few friends left in the magical world, I really don’t know the state of my enemies.
Let’s See. I killed the Mane of House Mars when I was in eight grade/freshman. I am fairly certain that they were trying to kill me for that right up until I dropped off the radar. House Venus asked me to do something that I refused to do which in their world is a breach of trust. I had promised them I would honor them for their silence about my existence by doing what they asked from time to time. I was under the impression I had some choice about what I would do; they disagreed. There is a reason The Council knows I am here and it is House Venus. There is also the assorted faerie from the Grove who might hostile. Several mages and creatures I have beaten in battle. Yeah, the list of enemies is long.
This is a real problem as get back into this dangerous game. Allies can be the difference between life and death and I have far too few of them. On the flip side, my enemies list could get really long in a quick hurry. Hell, it’s already too long. I need to do some prodding and poking to see what shakes loose. I need most of all to know why the entirety of the Council’s Death Angels haven’t come down on my head already.
Hopefully by my next entry, I will have some answers. The clock just struck midnight so – Happy New Year.
Author’s Notes:As I start this project, I am sure people are wondering the rationale behind killing my wife off. Well, it is certainly not because I wish it to happen. I would say the most devastating thing that could happen to me right now would be my wife dying. She has been my rock in my life of late. She has most definitely brought healing to me and her love is my motivation.
No. The Rationale is that it would be the one thing that would probably motivate me to vengeance if someone killed her. I wouldn’t take that lying down; someone would pay for it. Characters need motivation and the character of the Rogue Wizard, that persona, needs motivation that is very personal.
November 1st is also where the time lines between my real life and the time line of this fictional story split. This story is completely divergent in its time line. I can do everything differently that it in reality pans out. In the real-time line my wife is alive and well and I hope she stays that way for decades to come.
The issue of past characters I brought up last time in the introduction. There is one that will never appear and I think in this chapter I have addressed who they are and why they will never appear. That’s not to say they won’t influence the story because they were a large part of the backdrop canon known as The Hedge. But that is all it will be influence and backdrop. I knew people would be asking questions about it, so I hope I have headed things off.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
I have heard a lot of comments this week from people who perhaps haven’t seen me in a while. Mostly, I get the comment about how much weight I have lost. I am guessing, because I haven’t stepped on a scale in a while, probably over 50 lbs. The other thing I hear is “you look like you’re happier.”
I have spent a lot of time thinking about that statement. The main reason I did what I did this spring and summer was I was tired of being unhappy and wanted that to change. I identified what I thought was making me unhappy and began to shuck it off and found a few things I thought would make me happy and embraced them. This was a very trying time for me in many ways, but I also discovered that there was a lot of relief. I think lies drain your happiness and when you stop lying to yourself and others, the strain of maintaining them gives a relief.
In the end, I discarded a lot of draining things. In would warn other introverts who want to go into ministry that people drain you and unless you have a true way to recharge yourself, you will get to the point you are no longer happy. I would say a bad marriage drains you. I would say trying to maintain a faith you no longer possess drains you. I was experiencing all those things and now I am not. I am no longer in the ministry so I keep my happiness instead of giving it to others. My marriage I much better and has shifted from being a drain on my happiness to a creator of happiness. It is work, but that is something I am happy to see. I am honest about my lack of faith in Christianity, but I find this actually makes me happier. One axiom from Christianity that I still embrace is ‘the truth will set you free.”
There are still things that I struggle with. I don’t like losing friends but that has happened. One ‘friend’ I now consider a two-faced, backstabbing traitor and that bothers me immensely at times. I personally feel this is going to make me trusting people at that level again very difficult. I feel guilty about some actions in the past. As I said last week, sometimes the wounds and bruises on my heart make me sad at times. There is also the ever-present Grey.
That said I feel I am at a turning point. I am being honest with myself to the point where the wounds of the past both on my self and those I caused cannot be cured by anything but time. Some of them will never fully heal and I can accept that. Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Sorry, I can’t base my happiness on being fully healed someday. I can just hope that my soul will be as healthy as it can be at the time. Perhaps that is where my happiness will truly find me. One can only hope.
Self-Reliance:
“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”
Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.
This weekend, I think I really began to see why for me working for someone will eventually be no longer be satisfying. Mostly, I never feel self-sufficient in that situation. The bucket list goal of owning my own business is the ultimate goal in this regard. I want something that will make me self-reliant completely and allows me the freedom to do the things I want to do.
Industriousness:
“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”
Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.
I do enjoy working for work sake. I never thought I would get there but there is something about work that makes a person feel better like they are actually productive. I think I have found that in my job and I am starting to feel it coming when it comes to school work. With only five weeks left in the semester, it’s about time.
Hospitality:
“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”
Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.
Hospitality requires a measure of prosperity. One thing that kind of stands out but speaks to the state of our prosperity is our living room. I kind of envision a place where I can have my friends over to talk, drink and perhaps even have a support group. A sectional couch to seat a dozen or so and a bar. A reading chair as part of that. Television for me is not part of the equation but my wife would want one and then of course end tables and lamps. Yeah, we have three folding chairs and a television that is small on a broken down stand. I feel we will have started to have some prosperity when our living room reflects it.
Daily Routine:
Communication / Cuddle Time
Blogging
Reading – 1 hour per day.
Study / Homework – 1 hour per day or until all necessary work is completed.
Empty In Box
Financial Transaction Input
Solid here and I am working on making sure things get done each day. At the end of the week, how many times I skip something is reported and I eventually want zero there for everything. As it is I am 85% consistent.
Goals:
Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
Graduate with Political Science Degree in December 2018.
Find a new, better paying job by the end of January 2019 or before.
In 2019 have a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
Follow Paleo Diet completely and use intermittent fasting until the end of 2019
Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)
Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.
Now that my goals have a little more specifics, I feel better about them. I can see something measurable and I have deadlines. #1 is more important to me than anything and so I am thinking on how to do that better. We have improved a lot but there is still a lot of ways to go. The deadline on my Bucket List is pivotal and a game changer. Hopefully #2 and #3 will resolve themselves in a few months.
Budgeting:
Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
Debt Snowball
Fully funded Emergency fund
Invest 15% of income into retirement
Pay off Home Early
Build Wealth and Give
It all comes down to one thing really – making more money. Hopefully that will be the case in the next few months.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
The Grey Wayfarer 