A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Realigning Courage

March 18, 2019March 18, 2019 / Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day.

Journal Entry:

There will be a The Rabyd Skald Birthday post dropped at 12:39 pm today – I have my reasons for that time as I will talk about later. Right now I will doing what needs to be done for the week as I continue my realignment.

I spent the weekend thinking about this realignment a lot. One of the things that is clear to me is that when I discuss a virtues nature and principle. I also need it discuss the goal and bucket list item associated with it as well. Because both my goals and bucket list are in full revision mode, I can do this very easily now by tweaking my journal entries in A Skald’s Life very easily.

What this means on a practical side is in each A Skald’s Life post when i get to the virtues I will now add the Goal associated with that virtue and then the bucket list item so all four things can be discussed at that point. By keeping them together I can look at the bigger picture of each virtue.

This weeks virtues are Courage, Industriousness and Perseverance. I have feelings about each of these and in truth, most of it is positive. For most of this week it is goals becoming SMART and bucket list items becoming aligned. I am trying to get off to a great start to my 51st year of life, so I am trying to make this a complete week.

On to Dealing with Courage’s Realignment

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

I have always admired the brevity of this one and how quickly it sums up what is needed – good stuff

Principle: Act with Courage at the right time.

No problems here. I like it and I think it does the job. In moments when courage is needed you need a principle that doesn’t require a lot of meditation or thought and this does that with good results so far.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)

I need something that motivates me forward. This goal is something I wanted to keep on my goal list so the bucket list gets constantly accomplished. So that it has items crossed off on a regular basis. Courage required to do that.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

I find travel requires a little courage, international travel more so because you are facing language and cultural barriers. It definitely takes you out of your comfort zone. I think the complete package for me on this one is to do a Viking River cruise down the Danube River to Budapest. Stay there a week and then return up the river and back home. It would be a great adventure and something that is a reward for and an act of courage in and of itself.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

When I look at the whole thing right now I see what I am driving at with honor. It is a feeling for me of self-worth and future optimism. All of this seems to flow much better now that I see it together.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

The big stuff is here. The stuff that will require major amounts of courage. I like that and it is a good big picture.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

I have a feeling the Principle on this one will get rewritten. Goal might be clear and the bucket list too.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I find it amazing to me that as I look at it how much travel factors into my plans. I love to travel, I just don’t have the means most of the time. I also think much of love is expressed in what you travel too and who you travel with. It also fits that The Grey Wayfarer’s foundational ideas are travel after all.

Morning Routine:

Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
Review Goals and Bucket List
Meditation
Full Body Stretch
Shower and Personal Hygiene
Get Dressed for the Day

Doing well here. I said it before – it isn’t broke, so I am not going to fix it.

Bucket List:

Get My Tattoos.
Write My Novel.
Learn Latin.
Learn Hungarian.
Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.

Yes, it is getting shorter. As I incorporate these things into the virtues and full bucket list is going to disappear. I think lists are valuable but I don’t think the bucket list gets properly addressed for me this way.

I know the tattoos one will be modified and connected with Perseverance later this week. Languages will be combined and put with Truth – maybe. Novel – hmm. Need to think on what is left but perhaps Industriousness. The weightlifting thing I may drop because I am not a power lifter. I think something else might be needed, so opening up a slot helps with that.

Weightlifting:

This will be the last time you see this here. I will be moving it to Self to be with Perseverance and my exercise program will have weightlifting as part of it. I need to find a way to turn this from frustration to success and I think moving it and strongly connecting it to a virtue will help with that.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Pagan Pulpit – The Book of Rabyd 1:6 – “People Do Not Have The Right to Take Away The Rights of Others”

March 17, 2019March 17, 2019 / Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sun’s Day

Announcements:

We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.

We also don’t take an offering here. We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it. Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it. Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.

Opening Song: “Stricken” – Disturbed

Poem: “The Scar” by Edward W. Raby, Sr. (Rough Draft)

Time heals all wounds

“Bullshit” I say

I have been down this road before

I have scars that still bleed inside

Internal bleeding of the soul

Seepage of pain within

Toxic soul-blood poisoning

Hidden behind my scars

The scar you left on me

Is like all the others

A covered scab

Hiding a slow bleeding wound

Another scar

A badge of survival

The poison blood inside fuel

The pain inside motivation

I know this is the second poem I have written for the Pulpit in rough draft form without polishing them later in a Skald’s Tales and Poems but that is coming this week probably.

Meditation:

Me too Penn, Me too.

Song of Preparation: “Anthem’ – Rush:

Text:

“People Do Not Have The Right to Take Away The Rights of Others” – The Book of Rabyd 1:6

Sermon:

The real key here to understanding rights that inalienable is that it means that everyone has them. Truly understand rights then requires that while we all may have the right to life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and property; it does not mean that we can exercises those rights at the expense of someone else’s rights. You must respect the rights of others to truly understand what rights entail. If you don’t, you have an improper understanding of rights.

It is morally wrong to force another to give up their rights so that you can have yours. It morally bankrupt; in my opinion, to use any kind of force and power to exalt your rights over another. This is something that has to be remembered because as much as we say – “I have my rights”, we also need to say – “they have their rights” in the same breath. It is this respect of rights as a concept that is just as important as respect of my own rights. When we do this we are learning to see others as human beings. It is this issue that if implemented would solve a ton of problems. As much as I feel I have the right to stand on my rights, I must also allow others to stand on theirs.

This why I find the use of government today so repugnant. Much of it is one side or the others trying to take power to use on others. The Republicans try to seize power so they can use it against the Democrats and visa versa. No one is trying to take government so they can genuinely defend the rights of all. Libertarianism for me is simply a wonderful philosophy that seeks to actually see the rights of all protected. The goal of our politics then would be to stop the government from violating the rights of all individuals.

I have been using the issue of abortion to illustrate the problem when rights collide. The right to life movement say the right of the child to live is not being respected, the pro-choice folks say the right of the woman to privacy which is connected to her rights to liberty and the pursuit of happiness is being violated if she does not have the choice of an abortion. The problem is we simply cannot play a game of two against one to decided who is right. A single violated right by force is wrong. The argument really centers on whether or not the child/fetus is genuinely a human being and thus has rights. Pro-life folks say yes / pro-choice folks say no. This is not going to be resolved because the arguments on both sides have problems. I am not going to get into that because the arguments for both sides are legion as well. My point is if a single right is being violated on an individual then the action is wrong and should not be allowed.

The problem with abortion is asking a question of personhood and at that point you are getting far more into metaphysics and theology than philosophy. My personal position is to say I am pro-choice on one hand because I do not feel it is my right to force my viewpoint of when life begins on another, and it is a debatable point. But I am also pro-life on the other hand, because I would hope that we would recognize our ignorance on when life truly and genuinely begins, and thus choose to err on the side of life because of that ignorance.

My point in all this is the debate is not what our rights are for those that follow the Book of Rabyd. Those are clearly understood. The debate for me and for my family is to understand and know when rights are being brought into conflict either intentionally or unintentionally and coming up with solutions that both allow one to exercise their rights but not interfere with the rights of others. This is the challenge of those who follow the Book of Rabyd.

Closing Song: ‘Hurt’ – Johnny Cash:

I include this song at the end because I talked about it with some friends this week. I suppose it is a simple reminded that all things, including our lives, end. What legacy we leave is important. Johnny Cash speaks for a lot of people in this song when they near the end. The regrets you have probably have more to do with hurts received and hurts given.

Parting Thought:

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and the Wayfarer – Part 7 – Writing and Walking Through It

March 16, 2019March 16, 2019 / Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

I know people are probably expecting a Crossing Bifrost post today but I have a couple pressing matters that I need to attend to and I am currently reading some books on Norse mythology that I want to get a little further in before I write my next post on it.

I also have been fighting The Grey pretty much all week. Part of the reason I am throwing myself into realigning my virtues with my goals and principles is that it really helps with this. I feel there is a key or keys in this process to dealing with The Grey; to a point where I can not only function with it, but actually feel some things without shutting down.

I have been asking a lot of motivation questions because what The Grey threatens and destroys the most often is my motivation. The odd thing is that my motivation to write is the one that is often the least affected. The trigger this week is the time of year and it will be so until probably the end of summer. Last year at this time, my ministry as a pastor and my marriage were both unraveling and there are a lot of painful memories associated with that right now. I can confidently assert that the old notion of time healing all wounds is bullshit. It can scar them over, but they still remain under the surface.

Writing has always helped with these times in that it gets me through them. It is often the process of taking the next step in writing the blog article or project that is me taking the next step. I write for me and I write to overcome my depression.

If a friend were to ask me what issues rise to the top, i would first say that it is not easy to talk about but then I would offer the following four things.

I still deal with my change of faith. Or rather the discarding of Christianity and ministry for good. It is more than just a career change, it is a lifestyle and life course change, and it has been quite challenging emotionally and mentally.
I deal with betrayal and loss. Both of specific friendships and of the fact there is a group of people I lead as a shepherd for almost ten years than I still don’t feel comfortable in dealing with. Based on the letter I was sent, I feel judged and discarded still.
I deal with memories of loving someone who I don’t know if they loved me at all in return. It’s debatable if they were as they said “Just acting’, or if that statement was made to make the breakup easier for me and them. Epic fail on the last one, it hurt like nothing I have felt in a long time. I have a poem I am working on about this I think I NEED to write; but it is painful to write, so I don’t want to write it at the same time. I mean they seem to have moved on like nothing happened. The memories for me are making that quite difficult, despite my best efforts to not think about all this by contrast.
Then of course this whole thing brings up emotions regarding my treatment of my wife during this time which I now feel very guilty and ashamed about.

It’s why back in August of last year I wrote something that basically said I wished someone would rip my heart out and kill it. These feelings are intense and difficult and I wish they would go away. It makes my depression kick in as a defense mechanism so I don’t feel things. Feeling nothing being more preferred than these emotional memories.

I also deal with the fact that on March 18th I will be 50 years old. Half a century and I am fairly certain its these birthdays with zeros in the second digit that seem to challenge me the most. Another decade down, how many do I have left? Where am I going now? What am I going to do? Who am I? How do I get where I want to be? When are these memories going to fade to the point where I don’t have to deal with them as much?

I wish I had more answers, but writing seems to help me keep going. I write for me and I write to overcome.

Walking the Grey,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Realigning Honor

March 11, 2019March 12, 2019 / Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day.

Journal Entry:

The next three weeks are about aligning my virtues to principles; principles to goals and goals to bucket list. Also there are the Routines that will need to be altered as I go along to reflect any changes. There are going to be changes. So for the next nine A Skald’s Life posts, I am going to be engaged in this process of realignment. To do this I am going to state the Virtue and the edit the principle involved, then edit, recreate or create the goal and bucket list items that go with the virtue and principle.

Once this process is complete for each virtue, you should see the changes reflected in the future A Skald’s Life posts. I also have Routines to alter as a go along which will reflect this. My meditation guide I use will be changed. There are odd ducks like Weightlifting and Nutrition. This is why I chose a longer and more thoughtful route. If only the first Virtue wasn’t one of the most difficult. Honor.

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

I will not alter this virtue as I think it is very solidly written and I have no confusion in understanding it. As I created the principle to guide this last time, the challenge was thinking positively about myself and my future. I simply stated the Principle as: “Be positive about my future”. I am not sure this lines up anymore. True, honor involves looking at yourself in the mirror in a positive light but there is more to it than just being positive but it is central to honor. The goal needs to reflect this as well as the bucket list item.

Principle: To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

I look at the goal list and really I can’t find anything that relates directly to honor. Other than to look at the goal of blogging every day for a year. Why? Because as I look at the central element of honor it is to possess it continually and that involves a journey and this blog is about my journey as The Grey Wayfarer. It is the closest of the current goals without rewriting them. I suppose in many respects this journey I am on has Honor as central to it purpose.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

One of the first observations I can make about my bucket list is there is some repetition. Part of the goal will be to edit it in such a way as to eliminate that. That said, if the journey is about honor then there is a current item on my list that fits and would not only be a cool thing to do but quite symbolic as well.

Bucket List Item: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

If part of my quest for honor is the journey then a bucket list item that is about a journey seems to fit and would probably when I do it be very symbolic of getting to a certain point where I feel honor is being achieved.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others. ‘

The principle is a little longer but it is the complicated subject of honor. My constant journey toward it is chronicled in this blog and the bucket list item now has a goal that is symbolic and something I really want to do. No when i meditate on Honor, the goal and bucket list item will motivate me a little better.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Of all my virtues and principles, I feel when I get to this one, I will find I will edit this one the least. The concern here is the goal and bucket list.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

I think the principle here will need a major revision. The goal might be clearer as well as the bucket list item actually unless the revision of the Principle changes it. For me educating yourself whether formally or informally is about the quest for truth. So right now it might be about finishing my degree and learning a language. Learning a language might fit here as it is symbolic of education and learning truth. Latin would probably fit best the notion of being a scholar and symbolize this Virtue the best.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Honor, Courage and Truth all need to be aligned with love. But in this case by pursuing these three, I think love will be woven like a tapestry from these three threads. There is a symbiotic relationship I am looking for her where love is expressed in Honor toward myself, acts of Courage for the ones I love and Truth toward others. This new alignment should make the higher virtue of Love clearer and more easily expressed.

Morning Routine:

Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
Review Goals and Bucket List
Meditation
Full Body Stretch
Shower and Personal Hygiene
Get Dressed for the Day

I don’t anticipate any changes here at all. Except as the Principles, Goals and Bucket List change, my review and meditation will shift in focus and nature.

Bucket List:

Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
Get My Tattoos.
Actually Get Drunk.
Smoke a Joint.
Write My Novel.
Learn Latin.
Learn Hungarian.
Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.

Ass March goes on, I will change this every week. Mostly you will see items shift position to line up with their virtue as the hike goal is now number 1. As I said before, I see some repetition of idea. Learning Latin and Hungarian could be merged. Getting Drunk and Smoking a Joint could be merged. This would open it up for a few new items and that requires me to sit back and ask: “What do I want to do?” This might be the fun element of this realignment and it is probably the thing that excites me most about this process right now.

Weightlifting:

I need to get a job that pays better so that I can know where I am going to be for the foreseeable future so I can join a gym and afford it. In the meantime, I am thinking a couple 25 lbs. dumbbells might be a good investment as I can do a lot of things with them at home. Walking is going to be available as Spring actually springs too. The thought of getting physically active again excites me and I know is one of my major defenses against The Grey.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Crossing Bifrost – Gods and Goddesses – Freya: Goddess of Love

March 9, 2019March 10, 2019 / Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

I know a lot so scholars point out the massive similarities between Frigg and Freya, but as someone who can see why certain things would change. There are some personality differences in my opinion and I doubt Loki would have challenged the wife of Odin and basically call her a slut without some real proof out of fear the Odin would take it out on him. Oor is Freya’s listed husband it is said she cries tears over his absence and the similarity to Odin makes people think that maybe Freya and Frigg are the same goddess with different names,

I would point out however that while Freya is a mother, her motherly attributes are subordinated whereas Frigg’s stories seem to have her motherly aspect front and center, particularly for Balder her son. The fact is that the two goddesses are also said to have different children and their encounters with the other gods and goddess are distinct in the stories. Frigg is Aesir and Freya is Vanir along with her brother Frey. The only evidence that seems to suggest they are the same goddess is the similarity in their husband’s names and those husband having a tendency to wander. Sorry in all other aspects they are pretty distinct and different.

Freya is the goddess of love, fertility, beauty, and fine possessions. The Greek goddess Aphrodite might be a good comparison except Freya has very Norse qualities. Most notably she will suit up for battle when necessary. She also presides over the realm of Folkvang, one of the realms of the dead. Freya’s duty is to pick half the slain in battle to dwell here while Odin gets the other half. There is no criteria it seems for who get to go where, just her choice. This makes her one of the Valkyrie.

Some scholars call Freya, the party girl of the Norse gods. Loki basically accuses her of sleeping with every god and every elf including her own brother. Her defense is not denial but that it is not considered a taboo for a woman who is married to not take a lover when she wants to, just like the men. There is really no denial. In short Freya is the kind of girl a guy likes when he is single. Her attachment to the forces of fertility, love and beauty draws her into the realm of passionate sex. The image you can see is a girl who can drink, play and fuck all night long.

The one other quality she has is that she is the very definition of a person who practices the magical school of Seidr or the magic of fate. She can see the future through prophecy and can pronounce curses or blessings that stick. It is she, when the Vanir-Aesir War ended, that brought this magic to the gods and taught it to them including Odin. It is probably a significant thing this happened; as from then on, Odin and all the gods are focused on altering the future fate of their realm. It drives them and their actions and the whole concept of Ragnarök becomes center stage.

In popular culture, Freya does not appear very much. Except it is she who were probably conceptualize that the Valkyrie the most. That sexy, scantily clad warrior goddess is something her image probably brings to us. She appears once in Marvel’s Thor the comic book in 1993. She is merely a supporting character. She is much more than that in the mythology. She probably has had many appearances in video games as far as image and character than anything else.

Freya speaks to us of prosperity, knowledge and abundance and all the pleasures thereof. She is connected to cats and fairies. Her sphere is love, lovemaking and pleasure. But she also is one of the goddesses that can see the fate of men and chooses the slain of sword for her realm and Odin’s Valhalla. A prophetess who sees the future and says – “It’s not going to end well; everyone dies, so let’s party while we have the time to party.

In my own series The Grey Wayfarer, it is why I chose to separate her from Frigg. She will give me a goddess character to counter the more motherly Frigg. She is the woman who will be the good ‘naughty girl’ who tempts my protagonist. But in the end will also see his fate and weep as much over him as her lost husband.

I find Freya to be a great character and one that is distinct and full of potential. There are two very interesting sides to her; as well as a bunch of nuances, that make her a very fleshed out goddess. Definitely underused in popular culture by her proper name, but her image inspires a lot of characters of fiction and lore.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Odin’s Eye – Return to My Theological Objections to Christianity – No Takers

March 7, 2019March 7, 2019 / Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Thor’s Day

Discussion:

I don’t know, when it comes to my four theological objections to Christianity, I feel like the god Heimdall guarding the Bifrost Bridge. Most of the time I seem to be just standing there waiting for something to happen and nothing does. I am not really looking for a fight but I think I have laid it out there what I feel are the four major problems with the Christian theology are and why they basically make it so the whole thing is just another man-made attempt to understand god that is flawed and failed. The result has been crickets.

Simple Restatement of my Four Theological Objections to Christianity:

The Bible’s Inspiration by God – it is not proven, nor can it ever be. It seems highly unlikely that the Bible is the product of a supreme being but rather the product of men. It’s divine inspiration is asserted but never proven.
Sin is an Imaginary Man-Made Problem – Like the Bible being inspired, Mankind being sinners and certain behaviors being sinful is asserted but never proven.
The Cross and the Empty Tomb – an imaginary solution to an imaginary problem. I would also say that such a solution with its suffering and death seems sadistic and unloving. Not the product of a supreme being.
The Justice of the Biblical God is Very Suspect – The scale of justice for the god of the Bible is very unbalanced when you rationally consider some of his actions in the Bible and the doctrines concerning hell and final punishment.

When I first laid these out last summer I did get some feed back, but it was clearly half-hearted and I answered the questions and objections they had to the point apparently that they had no response. This lack of response is not surprising, when I was a Christian I would read Christian apologists looking for answers to these very questions and they really had nothing. The problem with the apologist is no matter how they try, they assume that the Bible is inspired, sin is real, redemption is real and god is just. They don’t really see the need to address these issues because most of them are not really listening to those that object to Christianity. They listen only to pick the battles they can easily win when they see objections to their faith, they tend to ignore the ones that are more difficult.

Time to Look Through the Eye:

Faith:

I refuse to return to having faith in Christianity, if those that practice it cannot provide sufficient evidence that the Bible is inspired, that sin is objectively real and that the solution the god of the Bible has for it is both rational and just. As much as I know Norse mythology is mythology, I actually find it easier now to believe that its’ view of the universe and the gods and goddesses solution to life and living is more in line with reality than Christianity until that happens. I have faith in myself, my family and the creator’s design. Anything beyond that requires proof.

Religion:

It speaks to Christianity’s failure as a religion when it sees someone walk away from the faith and it comes up with doctrines and apologetics that basically shrug its shoulders and say ‘that is just the way it is’. Calvinism is notorious for this fatalistic bullshit, but the fact that other branches of the Christian faith have this – ‘well, there is nothing I can do.” on the face of something that should have a response. Well, then you have just shown to me that perhaps your religion, that you say should lead you to compassion for the lost, is also complete bullshit.

Theology:

Theologically speaking the subjects of special revelation, salvation, god’s nature and final punishment seem to be central to the Christian faith. If no good answer can come when it is proven these are inconsistent and quite frankly paint a picture of a god as 1) a sadistic torturer of his own son when He could have simply forgiven us, and 2) an unjust god who takes our whole lives and destroys them, torturing us forever, simply because he is like a political snowflake who gets offended because we did something he doesn’t like. Perhaps he should develop some emotional maturity and realize he created man and he knew what he was capable of, so why get upset about it? Maybe should forgive them the same way you expect them to forgive each other – without condition. Or perhaps we should just conclude that the god of the bible is flawed and inconsistent because he is the product of the flawed and inconsistent thoughts and feelings of the men who wrote the Bible.

Spirituality:

The real kicker for me right now, is that I fell more alive spiritually speaking than I ever did when I was a Christian. This break away has freed me from the shackles of religion and guilt and I don’t think I can recommend something more highly if you want joy and peace. No more of the constant “You are not good enough.” No more of the psychological abuse of telling people they are garbage and God hates them until they turn to him. No more of using religion to manipulate the behavior of people, excluding myself from certain people, and justify interfering in people’s lives. Shit, I feel like I actually have found spiritually what I was looking for all along. The Freedom that comes from being liberated from religious shackles and nonsense.

Conclusion:

My problems these days are far more practical. Spiritually, I am free. Believe that or not. My issues of struggle are family, relationships, career, life and enjoying the world. The constant struggle of wrestling with this imaginary thing called sin, which was nothing more than me being taught to loathe and hate parts of myself, is gone. I don’t struggle trying to destroy part of myself anymore. I embrace it and seek to use that part of myself to make me stronger. My needs and wants are not sinful, they just are. They are part of who I am and I accept that. I embrace them not as enemies but as allies.

In the meantime, my objections remain. And I wait.

Continuing to Walk the Path,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Of Wolves and Ravens – Fidelity – Noble Vulnerability

March 5, 2019March 5, 2019 / Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Discussion:

I always approach the subject of fidelity with a little trepidation. One the one hand, I have not been the most loyal of husbands in the very recent past. Having an affair kind of undercuts your credibility when it comes to lecturing anyone on the subject of fidelity. On the flip side, while I don’t recommend doing it this way, the lessons about fidelity I have learned from others and myself during that time were quite profound. So no lecture from me. I don’t have the moral authority here to tell you how to be loyal and show fidelity, but I do have a testimony here of some of the things I observed and learned that might help someone. That is if you are willing to listen before the shit hits the fan for you.

Before I begin though I want to share something my wife sent me on Sunday. When I saw this I told her thank you and that I loved her. What she couldn’t see, because it was sent via Messenger was the tears rolling down my face. I have no idea how she loves me so much. I just do not get it. She is the best example of fidelity I know.

I suppose that is the first observation I can make. That just because you are in the midst of being disloyal to someone, it doesn’t mean that they will automatically switch to being disloyal to you. That is the high road if you ask me. It is a rare person who can maintain fidelity to you while you are walking away from them. When you discover this, it can be a soul wrenching moment. I don’t recommend testing people’s loyalty to you this way, but it is very revealing who really loves you and continues to love you even when you are not being the most loyal person yourself.

I also can share the tale of two friends. I had two friends I would have considered very close at the time. Now, I want people to understand that as disloyal as I was to my wife at the time, I had this thing about loyalty to my friends and family that was still very strong. It was my marriage that was a problem to me at the time as well as my faith, but I would have marched through hell for my friends and family.

Not all the other relationships were problematic to me. I was actually depending on them to kind of get me through the crisis I was having at the time. One friend proved that his lifelong fidelity was true. He stuck by me, confronted me and loved me no matter what. He even kept a few secrets, although I knew he wanted to say something. I will give the man this, loyalty, that is fidelity runs through his veins like blood. He still remains my truest friend and for that I will be forever grateful.

The other who was a friend for almost a decade. He, on the other hand, deliberately set me up to look like I was trying to hide the affair to my congregation, and then came out and told the story himself to pass himself off as the ‘noble hero’. You find out who your real friends are in crisis moments and I never saw that one coming. I trusted him and that ended that day. I discovered very quickly that this person’s definition of friendship includes in his loyalty clause – “only if you agree with me and are useful to me.” He threw our relationship away as easily as tossing a piece of paper into the trash.

This was because I had become a liability to him and I was no longer useful to him. He not only abandoned me, but he had to kick me when I was down in his self-righteous sanctimonious arrogance. I will never trust him again. Even my wife, who had the greatest reason to do so, didn’t try to destroy me when I was walking away and hurting. This man did. He has nothing but my contempt now and anyone who trusts his friendship or loyalty is a fool.

My tale of two friends demonstrates fidelity in one and its lack in the other. In the end the first friend helped me see the light and the other just has contributed to my darkness. When you see a friend struggling, even with their own loyalty to someone, you don’t demonstrate fidelity and help them by being a disloyal prick yourself.

I suppose I have to say one other thing. Fidelity isn’t as black and white as people like to make it out to be. Sometimes you don’t know who to be loyal to at all. Sometimes you have to be loyal to a couple of people who are having problems with each other. There is a world of mines in this minefield you have to tiptoe around. Relationships can be toxic or one-sided. That is because I have also learned that fidelity is the strongest thing in the world when it is right. It is also the most fragile and explosive thing when it goes wrong. Handle with care.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

Needs (Geri):

I have come to understand how much I need loyalty in my life. Not just people to be loyal to me but how being loyal makes me a better person. Oddly enough, I have been loyal to some of the people, even the above unfaithful friend, since all this happened. There is a professionalism to the ministry I maintain out of loyalty and respect for helping others and for people’s privacy. So I have a lot of confidences that were entrusted to me, that I still keep. I know a lot of things that could be damaging to others, but I keep them to myself out of fidelity. I refuse to be the same person my other friend was, that just because these relationships may have philosophical differences with me, or no longer have any use, I will not be a disloyal prick and reveal those secrets to damage people.

Wants (Freki):

If I want anything right now, it is to strengthen my own loyalty to those who have proven loyal to me. I don’t know any other way to demonstrate my appreciation and respect for these people than to do this. I want a small group of friends that fidelity is strong both ways. I think I have a few. But I need a few more. I also want to get over the fear of making new friends, as new relationships cause me a little of the ‘who can a trust’ syndrome based on past experience. I want to get over that while remembering not everyone who says they are your friend is one, they only prove that with actions not words.

Reason (Huginn):

When I think about this rationally, Loyalty is difficult to intellectualize. It is much more something soul felt than rationalized. At the same time, I can see rationally that without it I won’t go forward. I just wont.

Wisdom (Muninn):

If experience teaches wisdom, then this last year is has a taught me the wisdom of fidelity. I can’t even put to words all the things I have learned. I guess I can say this mostly though. If you’re having a problem in your relationship with your significant other, the place you need to talk about it is with the other person. I also understand there are problems of pain and depression that keep you from doing this at times, so you have my empathy if you can’t. I get it. But if you can find a way, do it. It is far better to mend the fence than have to build a new one. Fidelity demands that.

Conclusion:

I know I have little in the way of strength here at times. I am gaining new understandings of this virtue known as fidelity all the time. I really don’t see it as my weakest area and even last year going though my marriage issues, I still maintained fidelity with friends, family and others despite the fact it was strained in a couple of areas. One of those areas was my marriage and it is very much on the mend. The other was my faith and like my friend who betrayed me, I think I will say that this separation in relationship will be permanent. The real struggle now is to keep searching and walking to find the truth when it comes to faith and spirituality. But that is what this while blog is about.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Reworking the Script

March 4, 2019March 4, 2019 / Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day.

Journal Entry:

I have spent from February 22nd to March 2nd off script. What that means is I didn’t use my paper journal to keep track of things or remind myself of the things I need to do each day and for the week. I did it on purpose, knowing I would come off of it on March 3rd. The purpose was to see what is habit in my life,what needs work and what things would simply not get done without the script. I have done this several times in my life and I find the truest test if something has become a habit, is that you don’t need a reminder to do it.

The ultimate purpose is to look at everything and then rework the script in such a way as to be more effective and efficient in achieving my goals. To find the weaknesses and use my discovered strengths to achieve them. To find ways, to get more things done with less time. Mostly though it is a test of character to see how much laziness and procrastination needs to be overcome.

March is my birthday month and in our family we tend to kind of get excited about all the birthdays that month and we have three in the immediate family (My granddaughter, myself and my mother). There is also the concept of the birthday week where people can up to the time of a person’s birthday for a week and do whatever to let them know how much they are loved and celebrate it. It is not uncommon for their to be more than one party especially for the kids. Then of course there is the birthday itself. The person in my mind basically gets to do what they want (within reason as you are still not allowed to be an asshole or bitch) and gets to enjoy what they enjoy that day.

For me this is a particularity interesting month and my birthday will be number 50. I always have a little harder time with those birthdays where there is a zero on the end of double digits. This affects my reworking the script in the sense that I have this feeling of change and direction shift that needs to be addressed. So this entire month is reevaluation of Goals, Bucket List, Principles, Routines and Life in general. I do this regularly, but this Month of March 2019 seems particularly like a critical moment in time for me. It is time to revise and refine the script of my life and make it work better.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

One of the things I will be revising is each principle following each virtue. I will at least be reconsidering it. I created all these principle in haste out of necessity, and I think they deserve some real contemplative time. Some of them are going to stay the same, but I want to be open to changing them. I want to be open to the notion of realigning everything so it is more efficient.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Change is always difficult, but also if there is one constant to the universe, it is that it is constantly changing. Wisdom says it is wise to change and adapt to it. Courage is needed to do so.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

This is one virtue and principle that don’t seem to line up as well as they could. The problem with this one is to keep the principle short and to the point while at the same time encapsulating the essence of the virtue.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I have thought about giving principles to these higher virtues but I think I reject that notion because I think Love, Justice and wisdom are far to deep concepts to define them to that point. I just want to sit down when I write these journal posts withe the single word in my mind and then write. All of them are multifaceted gems and so trying to sharpen them I feel would make them less than what they are.

Morning Routine:

Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
Review Goals and Bucket List
Meditation
Full Body Stretch
Shower and Personal Hygiene
Get Dressed for the Day

I really don’t see the need to change this routine. It works and it is the most consistent I have. ‘If it ain’t broke don’t fix it’, was one of my father’s favorite sayings. The Morning Routine definitely fits that very well.

Bucket List:

Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
Get My Tattoos.
Actually Get Drunk.
Smoke a Joint.
Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
Write My Novel.
Learn Latin.
Learn Hungarian.
Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.

This concept of realignment is coming up often in my thoughts. The Bucket list is one of those things that might see a realignment. What I mean by this is that each Virtue will have a principle, a goal and a bucket list item that are all aligned. That all follow the same theme as the virtue. That way I don’t have goals and bucket list items that pull me off-center. Yes, this might be a cause to revise or change some of them, but I don’t have a problem with that, if things start coming off this list more often. If things work from virtue to principle to goal to bucket list, that is efficient and kind of the point of the whole thing in the first place.

Weightlifting:

Weightlifting is a powerful desire right now and I know that I need to either get a new job where a gym is a possibility, or start working on some home equipment I can actually store in my apartment. I just need to find a way to prevent going soft until things get better. I also think part of my anger issues these days is caused by the fact I have no real outlet for that energy.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Higher Calling

February 25, 2019March 3, 2019 / Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day.

Journal Entry:

If I struggle with anything since departing from Christianity, it is my loss of a sense of ‘higher calling’. I mean religion in general feeds into this ego we all have a higher purpose, that ‘everything happens for a reason’ and ‘God loves you, so you are special’ and ‘Everyone has a higher calling’. Since throwing off such notions, I have come to the notion that these things are not the product of simple existence. If I want to have a sense of ‘higher calling’ and want experience a sense of purpose, I have to create it myself. I don’t get these things by the fact my mother gave birth to me. My existence does not make it so.

The Foundational Virtues really help with this. I live my life to have a sense of honor. To do that I must face the truth of things with courage. The Viking notion of living your life bravely at every moment is something I strive for because I can see it is a very ‘realistic’ higher calling. It is not completely based on the idea of and afterlife, but also the notion of being a better person day by day. That is something I can cling to as a higher calling.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

As I approach my 50th birthday (3 weeks from today), I look back at a half a century of life. Honestly, there has been good, bad and ugly in it. I feel in some respect some of those years were a waste of time. If I want any feeling that day; it is that despite all the bad, ugly and waste of time now. I have a sense of personal honor within that nothing can shake. A feeling of a positive future and to see the good in myself and to look positively to what life I have left to live. To see the good in myself and others around me like my family and my remaining friends would make the last 50 years worth it.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

The future for me is an interesting concept. Whatever end I might face, I want it to be said that I faced it with courage. To be known as a person who does the right thing always and that is part of my character.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

Honesty is a double edge sword. It cuts through the lies, but it also can cut your own soul at times. If there is a part of my higher purpose to be lived it is to be pursuing what is true. Trying to be a person that finds it and then uses it to live better.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Love is a new a different concept to me. It is about honor, courage and truth far more than feelings of calling. Trying to do the honest, brave and respectful thing every time is a challenge, but it is a calling of sorts. One that I place on myself.

Morning Routine:

Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
Review Goals and Bucket List
Meditation
Full Body Stretch
Shower and Personal Hygiene
Get Dressed for the Day

Been pretty much a challenge at times. Something is going on right now that gets my thoughts racing in a lot of directions when I get up in the morning; it makes it hard to focus even with meditation. Might be a different form of The Grey. I just know I need to refocus as I went from hoping I could have a perfect week with this to something far less than I was even doing. First time in a while the morning routine has been a problem. Need to redouble my efforts.

Bucket List:

Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
Get My Tattoos.
Actually Get Drunk.
Smoke a Joint.
Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
Write My Novel.
Learn Latin.
Learn Hungarian.
Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.

As I look at this list there are a lot of things that could be done very quickly if I had the monetary resources to do them. It still keeps coming back to finding a better job and that needs to be a priority along with getting my internship done.

Weightlifting:

This week was one of those week I really missed the iron in my life. I miss the simplicity of doing a deadlift or leg presses. It was also kind of depressing to think about my old gym being basically gone. I put so much time there, in that place, that was productive and now it’s just a memory. I need that feeling back of progress and productivity and there was no place like the gym to get it. I need to either have that or something at home that will do that too.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Book of Rabyd 1:3 – ‘Everyone Has the Right to Liberty’

February 24, 2019February 24, 2019 / Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sun’s Day

Text:

“Everyone has the Right to Liberty” – The Book of Rabyd 1:3

Thoughts and Exposition:

Liberty. It is an easy word to say and it is easy to demand it for yourself. It becomes quite another matter to give liberty to others. The great problem with humans is that we objectify others and nearly all methods of objectification involve this notion that people should live a certain way, or do certain things, and if they don’t then they just are wrong and we should make them.

I would submit the moment you are trying to use force, threat of force or fraud to make another person or group of people conform to your vision of morality, behavior or ethics; you demonstrate you do not understand the word liberty. Liberty isn’t just about you being able to live the way you desire, it is about letting others do so too.

This is the thing about calling certain things ‘inalienable rights’. This means that if you want your right to something inalienable, you have to respect it in others. The other thing is there is more than one inalienable right – you also have life and the pursuit of happiness. No use of your liberty can deter then from another person’s rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

This has some pretty astounding implication which I will get into later in The Book of Rabyd, but for now note that liberty allows you to do what you want to do as long as it does not interfere in the rights of others. That means you have to think a little bit about things before you act. There is no just ‘do what you want and damn the consequences’ with genuine liberty. Liberty demands the notion of ‘love your neighbor as yourself’.

On the flip side though, if a person is going to tell me I am interfering with their rights, they better bring proof or show me based on reason how I am dong so. If they can’t do so, then they are simply attempting to diminish my right to choosing my own path, which should be considered as just as evil a crime as trying to take my life. People use all kinds of forces from philosophy, to religion to a straight up desire to control others to justify interfering with people’s liberty. Any such use of these things should not be allowed.

If there is any legacy I want to leave to my children, grandchildren and all the generations to follow at this point; it is I hope they truly consider the blessings of liberty. Not just for themselves but there is also a blessing in letting others be free. From freeing oneself from the terrible desire to control the behavior of others. If I were ever get around to creating a family motto, it will certainly have the Latin word: ‘Libertas‘ in it. It is that important; just as much the inalienable right as life.

Liberty often requires that you don’t do things to please others, you do what is right for you, and recognizing that sometimes others are just being self-righteous, sanctimonious pricks. The message is about respect of others’ right to liberty as much as respecting your own. But sometimes it isn’t about that – it’s about trying to maintain your own liberty in the face of those who would take it away though cultural and political rules that they want to impose on you. Sometimes the fight for liberty is simply a matter of telling such rules and those who impose the to ‘go to hell’. You have the right also to pursuit what makes you happy.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

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