I don’t believe in fate or destiny or any of that crap. I look at what people call fate or whatever, and it looks suspiciously to me like you are just reaping the rewards of your own decisions good or bad. I also don’t believe everything happens for a reason. I believe sometimes good things happen and there is no reason to it. Of course, I have long rejected the notion that God causes all things to happen to us; as it gets very difficult to explain that there was a good reason for a woman to be raped or for parents to see the five-year old child drown. Sorry sometimes shitty things happen and there is no greater plan. You can learn from these things; and be a better and stronger person for it, but there is often no sense to be made from it.
So when I look at making my own way in the world and building something for my wife and I, I look to my self and my own decisions. As the Icelandic proverb states – I am well aware that I am the smith of my own fortune. There are two issues right now. 1) Finding a better job and 2) whether or not to continue with my education.
I am trying not to be as picky, but at the same time my previous work and life experience should count for something. I don’t think being a lawyer would work for me. I would rather do business, writing or even, somebody mentioned this to me. journalism. Mostly though I have to make up for twenty years of doing a professional grade job (pastor is white-collar) for wages at the hourly Joe job level for twenty years, and so I lean toward business.
If this is the case then an MBA might be a better plan long-term. The nice thing is that there are so many completely online MBA programs these days. Even one at the college I just graduated from. I have to give this one serious thought.
Self-Reliance:
“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”
Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.
The goal is complete self-reliance in all things. To do that now and in the future requires a growth in prosperity. You can’t just get content even late in life. It leads to stagnation and death. Self-Reliance is very much about staying strong long-term.
Industriousness:
“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”
Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.
I can work any job with some enjoyment to it. However, I do long for a job I love, but any work can be enjoyable if you look at it through the right frame of mind.
Hospitality:
“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”
Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.
I really don’t have much opportunity to be hospitable, but it is always there.
Higher Virtue – Justice:
This question of ‘is this decision just’ is always in front of me now. Every time I do something related to other people, I find myself thinking on what the best or most right decision should be for all parties and advocate for that. I guess I am pretty good at being a negotiator in some terms, at least in the terms of seeing both sides of an issue.
Daily Routine:
Communication / Cuddle Time
Blogging
Reading / Study – Half-hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
Clear In Box/ To Do List
Financial Transaction Input
Carb Count – currently two a day.
Carb count drops to two for this week and next. The rest now reflects three online classes and an internship, plus staying on top of keeping my marriage strong.
Goals:
Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship.
Find a new, better paying job by the end of January 2019 or before.
In 2019 have a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
Follow Paleo Diet completely and use intermittent fasting until the end of 2019
Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)
Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.
Gym Membership is on hold and the job search has yielded so far no results. The rest of them are all in progress. When today’s post drops we will be at 115 straight days of blogging.
Goals achieved since Summer 2018: 1
Budgeting:
Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
Debt Snowball
Fully funded Emergency fund
Invest 15% of income into retirement
Pay off Home Early
Build Wealth and Give
Still working # 1 but it is getting closer. The key is still a better paying job for myself. Time to smith a better fortune for myself.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
As I continue to tweak my routines, I run into a couple of issues here in the Business Virtues. The most notable one is under my daily routine which says – Empty in box. This I feel bears a more specific definition. Up until now it has been about emptying a physical in box on my desk where I put in various items that are business related. I also use this time to check my email once a day and make a note if I have to check it again later.
I want to broaden this out to include the fact that I usually have a short to do list every day involving either school, business errands and possible job search opportunities. Basically what I have is a to do list that fist the nature of the in box. So I am going to change the line to “Clear In Box / To Do List”. Hopefully by creating a to do list which can have no more that five items plus the in box clearing and emails, this will be enough definition to make sure these things get done every day.
The Job search itself is a bit of struggle right now and mostly that is my fault for not being a little more specific as to where I want to go as far as career direction. I have written on this before and defined the possible four paths as: professor, business, lawyer and writer. The idea at present is to make choices about a job and further education that keeps those options open.
I think the best way to approach this is to find a good job in something I can be more prosperous in and then do an online masters degree of some sort while I am doing that. The goal being to build my career by working and education. While this is going on, I need to keep writing, both the blogging and other writing for publication.
Seems like a tall order but it all starts with a better job fairly soon while continuing to write. Graduate school decisions can wait until this semester is over and my internship finished. If I am leaning to drop something off my list it is the lawyer. Sorry I just don’t see myself as an attorney, but it is an option because of my Political Science degree.
Self-Reliance:
“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”
Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.
I have said already the issue now is not self-reliance being achieved but being maintained. This is gong to require much more income than we have now. The first step is finding a better job and finishing school completely. My internship is getting lined up and my last few classes are all online and will pad my resume a little. My job search is started as well. It’s just a matter of being patient at this time and seeing what opportunities present themselves.
Industriousness:
“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”
Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.
I want to find a direction that I can enjoy working in. I enjoy working when I do it and I am always looking for ways to be more efficient. The real challenge now is career direction.
Hospitality:
“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”
Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.
I have been able to help a few people in the last month. Nothing big and certainly not with gifts of money but helping nonetheless. I feel better about this kind of hospitality than any other ting I have done as it is motivated by purely virtue and a choice to help.
Higher Virtue – Justice:
What is the right thing to do? It is a simple question but it is a necessary one I ask at every decision point involving others. Getting back to the IN BOX/TO DO LIST, it means when I look at these items of business and school, I need to make the best decisions for everyone involved.
Daily Routine:
Communication / Cuddle Time
Blogging
Reading / Study – Half-hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
Clear In Box/ To Do List
Financial Transaction Input
Carb Count – currently three a day.
With school starting back up #3 has that quality of doing school work for the day (this would include the internship) until everything is done that needs to be done. I am hoping that this will clear mostly early every week so I have little left at the end of the week as I do have a couple of books coming that I want to read for enjoyment.
Goals:
Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship.
Find a new, better paying job by the end of January 2019 or before.
In 2019 have a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
Follow Paleo Diet completely and use intermittent fasting until the end of 2019
Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)
Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.
#3 is becoming a bit of a problem, mostly I think it’s because I am being too picky but I do have the fact that I am still in school and I want something that makes more money than I currently making. I also know my value and I think my previous experience counts for something more than entry-level.
Goals achieved since Summer 2018: 1
Budgeting:
Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
Debt Snowball
Fully funded Emergency fund
Invest 15% of income into retirement
Pay off Home Early
Build Wealth and Give
Still working # 1 but it is getting closer.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Like Love, Justice is a little harder to define. True justice measures each case it is needed individually and measures what the right thing to do is. For the purpose of myself and my Business Virtues this is more of what is the just thing to do in the realm of my relationships with others.
In relationship to the other Business Virtues justice also fits well. I am seek to be Self-Reliant because it is just not to live off the work and well being of others. I am Industrious because it is just to work to support my own self and be as efficient as possible, so I have time to do other things that are also important involving family and friends. I am Hospitable to those who need it because part of justice is mercy and compassion when necessary.
The point I have always made with the Business Virtues is that they are mostly about my dealings with others. Adding the higher virtue of Justice simply allows me to get the bigger picture of my dealings with others, and ask the simple question of: “Am I being just in my dealings with other people?”
Self-Reliance:
“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”
Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.
I think my wife and I are at this point of self reliance where we are taking care of ourselves. We have done this mostly by adjusting our lifestyle to fit our income. What i want to get to is a place where we don’t worry about this as much and where self-reliance is more automatic.
Industriousness:
“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”
Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.
I have begun a job search and part of that is rewriting my resume. It’s interesting to refer to myself as a retired pastor becasue I don’t consider myself retired in the sense of being finished working. Industriousness also kind of implies to me that the whole concept of retirement is not something I can embrace without also saying – I need to keep working in some way. Part of the reason I want my own business eventually is this line of thinking.
Hospitality:
“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”
Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.
I think my wife and could host some sort of small group now. I just am not sure i ready in other ways to do so. I still stand ready to be helpful to those who need it.
Higher Virtue – Justice:
I guess I am more of a person in a position to act justly than I can give any examples of where I have done so. The past right now comes up from time to time and their are a few people that I simply have chosen to ignore at this point. I do still subscribe to the notion the vengeance is a waste of time in a lot of respects. Waiting patiently for people to reap what they sow? Well, that’s a different story.
Daily Routine:
Communication / Cuddle Time
Blogging
Reading / Study – Half-hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
Empty In Box
Financial Transaction Input
Carb Count – currently three a day.
This has been working a little better. In a week when school starts again, it will be put to the test. I have three classes that are about resume padding and keeping full time status so I can pay for my internship. Study time will probably be taken up with that. Carbs being three a day has been a challenge but so far so good.
Goals:
Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship.
Find a new, better paying job by the end of January 2019 or before.
In 2019 have a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
Follow Paleo Diet completely and use intermittent fasting until the end of 2019
Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)
Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.
A lot of these are started and in process. Some of them cannot be said to be completed until years end. The real issue right now is just staying on top of things.
Goals achieved since Summer 2018: 1
Budgeting:
Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
Debt Snowball
Fully funded Emergency fund
Invest 15% of income into retirement
Pay off Home Early
Build Wealth and Give
This plan is still in place. The needs remain the same.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Happy Tyr’s Day. Hope you had a great Yuletide. First post of the year 2019.
I remember the day I walked out of my church for the last time. I was on my way to deliver my resignation but I had stopped at the church to make sure I had everything from there. I picked up a few things and then stood in the pulpit behind the lectern one more time. It was one of those moments I probably will never forget. Just me behind on a pulpit I had mounted countless times to talk about sin and salvation. I guess you could say that the moment I walked away from that pulpit was the moment I walked away from Christianity. It was symbolic for me at least of a change in philosophy and belief.
My main thought as I locked the door behind me for the last time was “So, what are you going to live for now?” The question indicates a desire for purpose; that is for life mission. I had been interested in viking myth, history and culture for a long time and ran accidentally into the Nine Noble Virtues of Asatru (NNV). As I read more about it, I realized the set of virtues was just what I needed for foundational framework for a new philosophy for living.
More recently I discovered three other virtues as I went through the nights of Yuletide: Love. Justice and Wisdom. The odd thing is that I had seen these in passing but I never really saw them dwelt on until the 12 nights of Yuletide as I read about that. Of course I can see the value of these virtues and at the same time I can see that they are pretty universal and perhaps ‘higher’. The question of purpose then seems to be more clear.
I have divided the nine noble virtues into three groups classified as foundational, business and self. But I can also see that the virtues could be divided as love, justice and wisdom. Love being the foundation virtue. Justice being the nature of how we are trying conduct the business dealings of our life. Wisdom reflects the desire to handle Self so we growing in understanding and personal strength. I want to think on these three some more and incorporate them in my weekly thoughts. Probably the weekly recap as they would give my final thoughts on the week some needed direction.
Basically I am seeing these three virtues as the skeleton on which the other nine are the muscles that make them work, if that analogy makes sense. But on to the Wolves and Ravens concerning virtue.
Needs (Geri):
Why do I need to pursue virtue? It is best interest of each person to improve themselves. We need to do this because those who do not stagnate and eventually die. We also in my opinion need a foundational philosophy that is the basis for all our decisions, so there is consistency. One of the things I have to say now is that Christianity never gave that to me. I will talk more about why in a moment.
Mostly though Need, the wolf Geri, is about necessity and part of the necessity of being a human being is to have a life’s purpose or mission. Without it, how do you differentiate yourself from being an animal? For me this has been a struggle of need. As I switch off Christian philosophy which is inconsistent, how do I switch on something that is less hypocritical?
Part of our need I think is to develop this foundation philosophy ourselves. However, most of us instead of taking the time and putting in the effort to do so, turn to religion to do it for us and then wonder why we struggle. The reason we struggle is because the ‘one size fits all’ that most religions give to others, does not work for everyone. It is this working on our own philosophy for ourselves I think now that meets this foundational need. Running to religion is us just avoiding this need and justifying ethical and moral laziness.
Wants (Freki):
What I want is a philosophy that causes me to pursue something better for myself and those I love. One that motivates me to make a better life for myself. That harnesses the wolf of want (Freki) and uses it to make me act. The problem with Christians philosophy is it focuses too much on this made up concept of sin. You are constantly struggling between feeling guilty and trying to achieve virtue. This is why it naturally leads to hypocrisy. You are trying to achieve virtue in Christianity, but the doctrine of sin always allows an escape out. “Be patient, God isn’t finished with me yet” or “I can’t help it I sin every day” or “I am just bound to my sin, I can’t escape it.” and other expressions dot the Christian phraseology as excuses for failure to be consistent. I don’t want that dichotomy anymore because I think by its very nature it leads to the justified hypocrisy you see in Christianity.
What I ultimately want is a philosophy that focuses on positive progress and gives an honest assessment of human desire, not as righteous or sinful, but whether such desires are normal, beneficial or detrimental and how such desires can be rationally and wisely handled. Pursuing virtue does just that, I can mark progress but can also accept who I am as a human being without looking at my human nature as sinful or evil.
Reason (Huginn):
Basically when I engage reason, the raven Huginn, on this topic of virtue, my favorite Marcus Aurelius quote comes out.
The main thing is the last line: You will be gone but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. I would also say it allows you to be live the best life for yourself while alive. It brings the most benefit to you and that is important.
These days when I am doing something and someone says I shouldn’t, I ask them for a rational reason why what I am doing is not virtuous? If they can’t answer then they need to back off or come up with a reason. I don’t want to hear about your god or holy book. I want to hear how what I am doing is not beneficial to myself or it is somehow genuinely harmful to others. If they can’t do that: then perhaps that person might simple realize they are using some made up moral code to justify being judgmental of others without working on improving themselves. There is nothing virtuous about holding others to a standard that is neither rational or you don’t keep yourself.
Wisdom (Muninn):
Wisdom says that I need to continue to pursue virtue then. I get what I need and want for myself and those I love without harming others in the process. I also then am rationally pursing self-improvement with being judgmental of others as virtue says I work on me first and help others, not judge them. I accept where I am but also seek to improve myself to be better. I don’t spend a lot of time wallowing in self-pity or guilt because neither of those things help me improve. I eliminate excuses for not being better instead of justifying them with excuses, like I am a sinner and cant help myself. These reasons along with many more are why I pursue virtue alone and thus embrace the wisdom of them. Both the NNV and the Higher Virtues provide the basic framework for that pursuit.
Conclusion:
As the weeks of this new year continue, I will through this platform called Of Wolves and Ravens be looking at more individual virtues and various aspects of philosophy. The aim is the same which is ethical and moral improvement for myself. If on this journey you walk with me a little ways and discover something that helps you as well, then bonus for both of us.
Until next time,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Happy Moon’s Day. It’s the 12th night of Yule. This is the Night of Oaths. This is the night with the greatest feasting; it is a sacred night that marked the final passing of the Wild Hunt. This is night when oaths for the coming year were made. The custom of caroling has its origins in this night. That and New Years resolutions. Only with the vikings this was a night of oaths. Sacred oaths which were considered the most holy on this night. Especially those sworn on Frey’s boar or Thor’s Hammer.
Journal Entry:
I have never been one for resolutions and as the year draws to a close I still feel the same way as most people who such resolutions are done and often fail. I have found that the best time to resolve to do something is when you are thinking on it and are emotionally motivated and that can happen at any time.
I also already have plans that have been developed with goals, a bucket list and other motivating factors in place where I am trying to achieve certain ‘ends’, so oaths or resolutions don’t really help there.
I also think the best advice about oaths is found in Matthew 5:
“Again you have heard thatit was said to those ofold,‘You shall not swear falsely, butshall perform your oaths to the Lord.’But I say to you,do not swear at all …But letyour ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’
In short keeping your word in general is far better than making oaths and I heartily agree. But I also see that oaths are needed in certain situations. Otherwise, motivation can be lacking and so oaths bind us to act. I do then have an oath to take.
My Oath for 2019:
By all that is truly holy, I swear to:
Be loving and act in love toward my wife, family and friends.
To execute justice when the power to do so is given to me.
Act wisely in all my endeavors.
I know this is not specific but I am new to this oath thing so this year it will have to do. As I go through this year, the oaths I might have to swear on oath night next year will become clearer I think.
Honor:
“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”
Principle – Be positive about my future
I was a good weekend and I am feeling like I am developing a sense of inner value or worth again. I am also learning to respect those qualities in others.
Courage:
“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”
Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.
Bravery is something I find a little easier. This coming year I am going to need lot of it as I start something completely new for myself. I need to take risks and at my age that can be hard to do. I must however engage in actions that would befit someone younger and bolder.
Truth:
“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”
Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.
Honest assessment of where I am is needed and honest words. Time to take the spirit of Oath night and make it something I do all night long.
Morning Routine:
Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
Meditate on the Virtues
Review Goals
Review Bucket List
Full Body Stretch
Breakfast
Supplements and Medicines
Shower and Personal Hygiene
Get Dressed for the Day
Solid. I only really want to look at the meditation part and get a much more formalized way of doing it.
Bucket List:
Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
Get My Tattoos.
Actually Get Drunk.
Smoke a Joint.
Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
Two things have to come off this list in the coming year. Finding out which ones is going to be the excitement of it.
Weightlifting:
Need to find a new gym but my employer keeps messing with my hours. Finding a new job may be essential to getting back to weightlifting. I need the resources to get back to something I love doing and miss greatly.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Happy Sun’s Day. It is also the 11th Night of Yuletide. This night is sacred to the Valkyries and Warriors. We remember those who choose the slain as the noble and honored dead destined for Valhalla, and those warriors who were chosen. Today we remember the virtue of Self-Reliance.
Announcements:
We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.
We also don’t take an offering here. We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it. Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it. Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.
Today’s service resembles a concert more than a service. Basically, the idea struck me that I should do the past year, one month at a time, in song. So there will be no text or sermon today. Just one song per month (two for one month) representing each month as I experienced it. This probably as much as a reflection on this past year, but rather than write about it, I will just give you a song on each month and a little commentary.
I suppose a warning is in order as I am going to be pretty open here about my thoughts. I also should note that I had to take a break twice while writing this post. There are a lot of strong emotional memories to 2018 for me. Some good; some bad. In any case, my hope is a little more closure on a year I hope to not repeat. Overall it changed me for the better, but it was a helluva ride.
Music for me is still a an expression of the real emotions and thoughts I am having I can’t express in words. I think for this reason this way of doing a year review is probably more accurate in many ways than just writing about it.
January: No Rest for the Wicked – Godsmack:
I choose this song for the theme for the entirety of 2018. I started with the struggle to be a ‘man of God’ who had lost his faith. The whole year was me not getting enough rest because of all my struggles. In the end, I dropped the masks and I am probably far more at rest because I am more genuinely who I really am now. The verses of this song really reflect some of my thoughts to this day, so it fits.
February: American Pie – Don McLean:
In February, my long time organist and friend died. This represented the last of three great musicians/vocalists in my church and with this death for all practical purposes it was ‘the day the music died’ both in my church and my soul. It was my grief over this, and the fact only one person understood it at the time, that left me vulnerable.
March: Losing my Religion – REM:
March was a transitional month for me as I started to fall in love with someone I shouldn’t have. Looking back on it, and as warning to others, grief over the loss of two good friends in less than a year, a weak marriage and looking for comfort, left me open to this. That and not caring about my religion anymore. I had lost my faith a couple of years before due to theological reasons, but now the emotional side of it came crashing down.
April: Don’t Stand So Close to Me – The Police:
Lot’s of secret love this month. Both directions and both forbidden. I have come to a greater understanding of this song than I ever wanted to this year. Now when I hear this song, I remember the lessons of this past year vividly. Mostly how easy it is to submit to temptation, especially when you are hurting and want something to ease the pain. There is really no excuse for this, but there are reasons people do this which I now know all too well. I have no excuses, but I did have those reasons.
May: Monsters – Shinedown:
The shit hit the fan in late May and my monsters got loose. I think I made the remark at the time that the Pagan was freed from his cage and was kicking the Christian’s ass. I suppose this song stretches into June as well.
The reason it does, is I trusted someone I considered to be a friend with something important. They took advantage of that trust and betrayed me to get one more win over me, probably to stroke his already overly inflated ego. Yeah, rage doesn’t begin to describe what I felt when I found that out. It became greater as more details emerged during the summer and I began to discover how planned and maliciously thought out this betrayal was. It still is something I struggle with and quite frankly I finally found someone I don’t believe I can ever forgive. At least not until the scale of justice gets balanced first. Til then my monsters stay hungry and patiently wait.
June: Familiar Taste of Poison – Halestorm:
I fell in love with Halestorm this summer. I also fell fully in love with a young woman. It’s a decision I now regret. I think the relationship was full of natural chemistry but part of that chemistry was the additional effect of generating a toxicity that was wonderfully deadly. I didn’t want to be saved and I didn’t want to be sober. In the end, I think that toxicity killed it. I probably should be glad for that, but there is still a sadness and pain to it all for me. This song definitely captures that feeling for me still.
July: 400 Lux – Lorde:
I don’t like describing people as addictions. It makes them seem like they’re not people but the relationship I had was addicting. Relationships are things. We were always killing time together in July, so the lyrics fit too. It’s no accident I chose the video for this song that has scenes from The Perks of Being a Wall Flower. It’s a reminder, that life needs to be lived and not just observed. It’s also a book I probably will not read again for the foreseeable future. Maybe someday I will pick it up again with new eyes, because I really liked it. There are too many memories associated with it right now. That and the Song All of Me by John Legend. This song by Lorde I can still listen to and remember without it being too painful, but not that one.
August: Stuck with You – Huey Lewis and the News:
August was a roller coaster month. It was pivotal turning point. I went from being very special to the young woman in question to becoming someone they used to know in the space of less than a hour. I found a new job, but this happened the same day, so the joy of that disappeared. I found myself alone and bleeding from my soul pretty bad. In that state, I also woke up and began to think that my wife and I could save our marriage. From my perspective, it was a long shot and I fully expected my wife to tell me to go to hell.
But she didn’t. She accepted my apology and apologized to me in return. We talked, I mean really talked, for the first time in years. It started a healing process that is still in process, but we are better than we have ever been in a long while. This was the start of that.
Long story short, we found our way back together. In all of this, the only one who really never stopped loving me is her. The only one who exercised ‘Christian’ love, mercy and forgiveness was her. It overwhelmed me and I fell in love with her again. We picked this song as our own while on a weekend away. I am happy to be stuck with her and she is happy to be stuck with me.
September: Love Walks In – Van Halen:
In August I was standing in a convenience store when this song was played. I started singing it out loud as the cashier was doing so too. He stopped and asked me if it had meaning to me and I said it did now. I continue to play this song on my ‘Wife Playlist’, it makes me think of this moment and her every time. Throughout September it was my second favorite song next to Stuck With You.
October: I have two for this month. Sorry I couldn’t choose just one.
Both of these songs are on my current walking play list and have been so for a long time. In October as school began in earnest, I found myself listening to them every day. I still do when I listen to music.
Prayer – Disturbed:
It is the way I pray – ‘living isn’t hard enough without ‘god’ making it harder. I love the lyrics of this song and the feelings behind it. It reflects a lot of my continued struggles with faith.
Voices – Disturbed:
I love the video of this song as it reflects the song so well. I like how the guy is bullied, made fun of and has that girl he likes moment where she dissed him. He then fantasizes about how to get even with them all – the voices speak in his head. Instead of acting on them though, he just leaves work and goes to a concert and lets it all go instead. I listen to this one a lot when I am having dark thoughts. It helps them simmer down.
November – Hammer to Fall – Queen:
I include this one for a lot of reasons: 1) The biopic Bohemian Rhapsody was released this month and my daughter and I had a date and went to see it. Best movie I have seen in a long time. 2) I think in some ways it became a month of returning to ‘normal’ where my wife and I, my family and the friends I have left are back to some sense of stability. This song kind of is symbolic of that as my daughter and I got back to talking music, books and movies – instead of the chaos of my life. 3) The message of this song. The hammer is going to fall, so live life fully. 4) Plus it wouldn’t a music list without Queen.
December: Dreams – Van Halen:
Reflective of the end of the year. I graduated college (with a little work to do) and my wife, myself and family have been celebrating the holidays together. I am starting to dream again about what my life will be. Dreams are what love is made of according to the song and honestly my life has started to reflect that again.
Parting Thought:
Wishing you the most prosperous journey as you travel through 2019.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Happy Saturn’s Day. It is the 10th Night of Yuletide. Today is sacred to Sunna, goddess of the Sun and Light. It is about the celebration of the return of the sun more and more each day until Midsummer. Today we remember the higher virtue of Justice. That is light bringing out the truth, so that we can be just.
I suppose it is fitting that the day I begin this series is also the day of Yuletide that celebrates the goddess of the sun Sunna or Sol. I have decided to call this regular feature that considers Norse Mythology: “Crossing Bifrost”. The Bifrost Bridge being the burning rainbow bridge (rainbows being created by light from the sun) that connected Midgard (earth) with Asgard (the realm of the gods) in Norse Mythology. The idea is to travel across this bridge into the world of Norse Mythology and in so doing learn something of value.
With this regular feature in place there is a kind of trifecta of sorts to my thinking each week. Of Wolves and Ravens considers philosophy and in particular my philosophy. Odin’s Eye Considers the issues of Spirituality and Religion and in particular my spirituality. Now Crossing Bifrost will be about my thoughts on Norse Mythology and what we can learn as people from those myths.
Religion and mythology are created by men for various reasons. I would say a couple of these reasons are 1) to teach principles a culture deems important and 2) give examples of those principles in story. People resonate with stories far faster than lectures.
A word of warning, I am no expert on Norse mythology. Far from it. I actually am doing this series to help my own understanding and knowledge of the subject. I do however have a lot of experience in looking at stories and drawing the moral meaning out of them. I will probably make some mistakes because of my ignorance. If so, and someone out there knows better than I, feel free to correct me. I am taking the role of learner with this series and perhaps moral commentator from time to time and not necessarily teacher.
I will of course write this series with a main goal of your entertainment and enjoyment. Hopefully, we all will learn something each week and more importantly apply something of virtue and value to our lives. Stories should teach lessons and I feel Norse Mythology does do that. I hope you enjoy it.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Happy Tyr’s Day. It is also the 6th night of Yuletide. This night is sacred to the goddess Eir and Healing. Eir being one of the Valkyrie who was famous for her healing skills. I know today is December 25th and is sacred to all you Christians out there. It used to mean a lot to me in this regard as well. So Merry Christmas and best wishes for the New Year. Today we pagans celebrate the virtue of Discipline mostly in regard to taking care of one’s self in regard to health.
Well, this will not be a normal Of Wolves and Ravens. As promised I am establishing a pattern for writing Of Wolves and Ravens. With a pattern I have a pretty good chance of being disciplined in writing it each week. I will be doing the same for Odin’s Eye and my New Series on Saturday on Norse Mythology. Haven’t come up with a unique title for that yet, but I will.
Topics I want to include here in Of Wolves and Ravens must meet the requirement of being a philosophical discussion. So included here is discussions of the Nine Noble Virtues of Asatru, The three higher virtues – Love, Justice and Wisdom. Discussions on Minimalism and Libertarianism will here as well. I must say this would be a good place to discuss economics and political philosophy so that will be here as well as regular western and eastern philosophy. I think a ten week pattern is in order.
Week 1 – Nine Noble Virtues and The Higher Virtues
Week 2 – Honor and Eastern Philosophy
Week 3 – Courage and Western Philosophy
Week 4 – Truth and Love
Week 5 – Self Reliance and Minimalism
Week 6 – Industriousness and Economics
Week 7 – Hospitality and Justice
Week 8 – Discipline and Political Science
Week 9 – Perseverance and Libertarianism
Week 10 – Fidelity and Wisdom
I think this pattern will be a good one as it will keep me covering a lot of different topics and not getting stuck on too many. I will try to bring modern events and other things into the discussion as much as possible.
I want to change the nature of the Wolves and Ravens as far as Need, Want, Reason and Wisdom which will still appear at the end and make them more personal to myself. Taking the discussion about whatever topic is there for the week and putting it into practice personally is the goal at that point. This should keep me writing and more importantly changing for the better as I continue this journey I call my life.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
I know I will probably get a reaction out of this one and I am not trying to be provocative. I am simply trying to get people to see the logical problems of Salvation through Christ. Once you dismiss sin as a made up concept, you could say that it is really unnecessary to go after ‘God’s’ solution to the problem, but the whole of Christianity revolves around Christ’s work on the cross and the resurrection to save people from sin and from eternal damnation. You might say it is the core doctrine no matter what flavor of Christianity you live by so it deserves some attention.
Faith:
Of course, the first thing each flavor of Christianity stakes out is how said salvation is achieved with Christ. The faith versus works controversy starts right away in the first century. James and Paul go at it right in the Bible. Now I heard multiple explanations from both Protestants and Catholics of why James and Paul are not arguing about the same thing really but they practically quote each other with only one variation. One says salvation in Christ cannot be of works so no one can boast, and the other one says that without works it is impossible to show faith. No matter how you logically try to get them to be ‘defending the same salvation only from different directions”; it is contradictory. One is saying that works have nothing to do with salvation, and the other is saying it does.
So what this really shows is that even in the Bible and among early Christians, they had disputes and disagreements about how this works and thus it points to the Bible not being inspired by God so much as it records those early debates among the faithful about how salvation worked. That makes the Bible very human and also not the Word of God because if God had actually wanted to tell us how this works because it seems it would be the most important thing for us to know, he would have made it plain, straightforward and quite frankly non-contradictory.
Religion:
Of course, every flavor of Christianity goes even further with specifics and added on things to the doctrine of salvation in Christ. The Catholic Church plain out tells you that you can only be saved from death through them and no one else. Many Protestant denominations will tell you the same. My former denomination would tell people that they had the whole gospel, not just part of it. Salvation is complicated by religion because religion seeks to use these ideas to keep people grateful and faithful for telling those people their version of ‘the truth’.
Theology:
Religion aside though, my objections are theological – what kind of God do we have, who claims to be merciful and loving, but demands for his followers to be forgiving without condition but doesn’t do so himself? It also brings up the question of the ability to forgive in that we are expected to forgive each other without condition because we can, even as sinners. Yet, a holy God can’t simply forgive without sacrificing his only begotten son in one of the cruelest ways ever devised by man. He must have this sacrifice or he cannot forgive at all and I must have faith in it and the resurrection or he will not forgive me specifically. Worse yet if I don’t forgive others as a Christian, he won’t forgive me. He can choose to not forgive others and still be a holy God, but if I don’t forgive, I cannot be saved? So I as a ‘sinner’ have not only a greater expectation than my creator but also I am more capable because I can do this forgiveness without conditions, but he cannot?
This bit of ‘logic’ pales in comparison to the fact that in order to forgive us he must sacrifice himself to himself, to appease himself to save us from himself. See the problem? Well Ed, what if then the whole doctrine of salvation as it currently stands is man-made and that isn’t the real one? My response – exactly and that is probably true from the start of Christianity to where it actually stands today. It seems to me that this idea is just as man-made because a supreme being could have come up with the simple plan to just forgive people. As Jesus is praying in the garden “if it be possible, let this cup pass from me” we would see the opening up the heavens and God saying -“You know what, I have a better plan – let’s just forgive people like I expect them to forgive each other.” That would be just, logical and consistent.
There is also another theological side issue – How much of a sacrifice is it really for Jesus if he knows for certain (which he indicates three times in the gospels) that he will rise from the dead? Honestly, if he knew that and most people who have faith believe he did and the text certainly seems to indicate he did, then it isn’t that big of a sacrifice? He knows he is not going to ultimately be dead in the end, so why not do it as there is no ultimate risk to him? In the end, Jesus is risking nothing himself as God, just going through the inconvenience of temporal suffering. Why? To make a point? What point would that be, when there is nothing actually sacrificed in the end?
Spirituality:
I guess this leaves me with the question from a spiritual point of view as to what salvation is? Or does it? I mean, if there is no such thing as sin, there is no need to be saved from it. Of course, then I could be left with the question of what the real divine reality might expect from me? I guess only thing then is to live a good life regardless of what that divine reality might be. Marcus Aurelius rightly observes, in my opinion, this in his famous quote on the good life.
Of course, you are kind of left to things yourself as to define what virtues you will live by to attain that good life. In short, what is defined as a good life is left to you.
Conclusion:
So with number three down, I am left with my final objection to consider at the end of this month concerning Christianity and the Christian god. Namely that the justice of the God of the Bible is suspect, particularly when it comes to the doctrine of final destination – aka Hell.
The rest of the schedule for Odin’s Eye for 2018 is as follows:
December 13 – Why I Am A Pagan
December 21 – Yule
December 28 – Objections to Christianity – Part 4 – The Justice of the God (Hell)
Then it will be on to the New Year.
I want to note at this point that once mt last objection is laid bare, I will be putting all four of them in one page so that if anyone, want’s to attempt to answer them, I will gladly hear you out and respond at that point.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.
We also don’t take an offering here. We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it. Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it. Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.
Opening Song: Shinedown – Monsters:
I suppose there is a progression to the music today. The start of it is an understanding that the monsters that live in all of us are very real. I love the chorus of this song:
‘Cause my monsters are real, and they’re trained how to kill
And there’s no comin’ back and they just laugh at how I feel
And these monsters can fly, and they’ll never say die
And there’s no goin’ back, if I get trapped I’ll never heal
Yeah, my monsters are real
The emotions that are the monsters, as our text says, doubt, fear sorrow, confusion and anger. Monsters that sleep but can be awakened at any moment with disastrous consequences. Other people may fool people and hurt everyone with their lies and falsehoods, but the real danger is the monsters lurking within us all.
Poem: “The Fire of Fury” by Ed Raby, Sr.
“The Fire of Fury”
A flame burns within me
It is one that I cannot see
It is fueled by my fury.
My motivation,
My anger,
My salvation,
My destruction
My enlightenment
Fire, Light, Anger, Illumination
The Fire of Fury will light my way
Or it will consume me
Ed Raby, Sr. – November 24, 2018
I had the title of his poem for quite some time and a feeling of what I wanted to express. I used it for the subtitle of my Rogue Wizard series at its current state but it kept being the title for a poem too. As I was preparing the Pagan Pulpit for this week, the words began to form. Poets understand what I mean. I think it speaks for itself.
Meditation:
Song of Preparation: Disturbed – Indestructible:
It is no secret I like Disturbed. I plan on sitting back after school is over and listening to every one of their albums and songs. I just haven’t had the time to give listening to music the proper time it deserves and this is one band I want to some attention to in-depth. The progression of today’s songs continues with learning to take the negativity and toxicity of certain emotions and transforming them into that which makes us indestructible.
Text:
“Release all that no longer serves you: “I cast away all doubts, fears, sorrows, confusions, anger to the wind. I release any toxicity that weakens my spirit.” – The White Witch Parlour
Sermon:
Yeah, I am using a quote from a white witch site. That said when I was a Pentecostal, I swear I heard this same quote from the more Charismatic Movement oriented believers. It’s amazing how mysticism can change the form it has, but the words and concepts are simply the same.
There is something to be said for the idea of releasing that which no longer serves us when it comes to emotions. Emotions are raw material. Parts of them are useful and other parts are chaff that needs to be given to the wind. The real challenge of dealing with these emotions is learning how to harvest them. Learning what needs to be released as toxic and unproductive while keeping the parts of them that lead to constructive and healthy action.
The most pronounced example of this I can think of is something that happened this week to me. I wrote on Tuesday a post: The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer (Part 3) – Confessions. The process of working through the three issues presented in that post was refining moment for me. I was working through the emotions and found that I changed in my feelings toward all these situations. The toxic elements of the emotions are less and the good parts that motivate and bring positive change are now more present. I know what to do about all of them and I am more at peace about that.
The quote today is a personal one that perhaps we all need to say from time to time. Doubt can lead to inquiry into truth. Fear can lead to courage. Sorrow to joy. Confusion to enlightenment. Anger to Motivation. Once you have let go of the toxic part of these emotions, the positive constructive elements are what makes you more of who you are and who you need to be.
Closing Song: Halestorm – Amen:
Ultimately its your shit to deal with. Not anyone else’s. And that ultimately is a good thing. Can I get an Amen?
Parting Thought:
Have a great week.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
The Grey Wayfarer 