The Pagan Pulpit – Happy Holidays

Happy Sun’s Day.  It is the 4th Night of Yule.  This day is dedicated to the gods Freyr and Njord. It is about peace and having a good upcoming season. Tonight is about the virtue of love and the developing a sense of community.  Compassion, forgiveness and mercy are all present in this night of Yuletide.

Announcements:

We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.

We also don’t take an offering here.  We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it.  Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it.  Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.

Opening Song: Halford – Get into the Spirit:

Halford is the lead singer for Judas Priest.  I really like the fact that metal music can do this kind of thing.  Do something different.  Some of his takes on classic hymns at Christmas are superb.

Poem: “Yuletide Prayer” – Jenna

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Meditation:

Image may contain: one or more people, text that says 'To be honest, I'm doing perfectly fine without the people I had to walk away from. Jekyll Doesn't Hide'

Just something personal I have noted in my life. I actually feel far less stress.  I haven’t enjoyed the holidays like this in years.  Just saying.

Song of Preparation: Pentatonix – Carol of the Bells:

What a great group these people are. I can’t say enough of how I have enjoyed Pentatonix over the years.

Text:

“Happy Holidays”

Sermon:

Just a short word today – Happy Holidays to all that come here and read my stuff.  I trust you will find this holiday season full of peace, joy, hope and love. Enjoy the season and live life fully in the coming years.

Skaal!!!

Closing Song: “Baby It’s Cold Outside” – Lady Gaga and Joseph Gordon-Levitt:

You probably can tell where I stand on this controversy,  This is clearly two people who have the hots for each other and there is this game they are playing back and forth.  Seeing  in this version Lady Gaga is playing the part of the person trying to convince the other to stay, is she trying to rape him?  Sorry, the notion is ridiculous.  both of these people want to go at it with each other. It’s not undo pressure, it’s actually cultural concern by what outsiders will think that is the issue.

Gods, I don’t know when Puritanism became politically correct, but it needs to be stopped.  Let’s be honest this is got to be another example of political correctness being something we need to discard as the language and cultural fascism it is. Are we really going to get to the point where flirting and seduction is going to be considered rape itself?

Enjoy the holidays and keep warm with the one you love.

Parting Thought:

See the source image

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – Final Resolve

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day. It’s also the second night of Yuletide.  The Night of the Wild Hunt sacred to Odin and ancestors. We remind ourselves of how important hearth and home is as it is the only thing that can protect someone from The Hunt. The Hunt that begins on Samhain and continues to the end of the year with Oath Night sweeping everything before it. We remember Perseverance as one of the Nine Noble Virtues. Today is also the Winter Solstice – the longest night of the year. It only gets brighter from here. 

Journal Entry:

I suppose it has been an interesting week.  Trying to get some things finalized for school, going to work and working in retail at this time of year is pretty interesting.  I also have been using the new free time just to relax a little.  I now have some time to play a little Skyrim and watch Harry Potter movies.

I am also motivated with a new resolve to find a new career path.  My friend has an interesting term for some jobs = a ‘Joe Job’.  I know what he means as Joe Jobs are the kind of job where you put in your hours to make money but you are never going to get ahead with such jobs – just survive. I want to do more than survive. I also want to enjoy what I am doing.  I have found an enjoyment to just working itself but I want to find a job I enjoy as well.

That said, I am enjoying the downtime from school and I feel more relaxed and in a better frame of mind. I am in a tension of sorts of wanting this time of rest to last but also getting tired of where I am in some respects now.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

The only issue of discipline right now is the study/reading time which I ma basically having trouble in figuring out what I want to do. Probably should have been a little more proactive here.  The other areas are Walking and Weightlifting which basically I have no place to do right now.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

I made it.  I finished school and I am now looking for a new career.  I wanted to be at this point in am much different way that I arrived but I got here nonetheless.  The different path was interesting and full of some unique joys and perils.  But to stand here at a point I aimed at and having arrived…yeah I feel good.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

I still struggle with what exactly to be loyal to as far as faith. That said my principles are starting to harden into a good philosophy to live by and I am enjoying that process. I spend time with my wife whenever I can to keep our relationship strong.  I love my family and I am starting to love myself again. I have a small (very small) circle of friends that I am very loyal to.  At work some people have shown their support of me and I support them in kind.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

Cleaning yes,  Weightlifting and Walking are problematic because I don’t have a place to do them right now. I also have to admit that I haven’t been looking hard yet.  Mostly this is a financial concern,

Nutrition:

Next week will be the first time my diet tightens so that I am allowed four carb sources and day and four cheat meals a week.  Timing is probably spot on as this kind of vigilance is needed during the holidays.  Just a nudge right now so that is good.  With no place to lift or walk right now, nutrition is very important to maintain where I am.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – It was a good week for honor, courage and truth.  I enjoy the fact that all I have left is my internship and that I am moving forward with my life.

Business – Opportunities are now open pt me and I have been made aware of some of them, sifting through these to try to find the one that will be a joy to me and allow me to have the hugest level of self-reliance, industriousness and hospitality is now the task before me.

Self – The real issue to me right now I that I miss weightlifting.  It’s just joining a gym has two problems right now.  1) Until I get past Yuletide, Money is going to be tight. 2) I don’t know where I will be working ultimately so I don’t want a long-term commitment until I do know.  Discipline is solid but could be better, but I have to say graduation has been a symbol of Perseverance fulfilled and Fidelity is solid.  Looking forward to seeing all my folk together in one place.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Odin’s Eye – 12 Nights of Yule

Happy Thor’s Day.  Also happy first day of Yuletide – Tonight is Mother’s Night which is a celebration to honor the goddesses Frigg, Freya and Disir. It marks the Winter Solstice eve.  The official last day of the year in some Germanic and Celtic Traditions. Today we remind ourselves of the Virtues of Motherhood and Industriousness. 

Introduction:

I had an awkward conversation at work about Christmas.  Basically people wanted to do a secret Santa thing and to be honest I am way too broke for that right now.  I basically said my religion is complicated.  This post will drop on December 20th which is the first day of the twelve nights of Yule or Yuletide.  This is a really complicated time for pagans in that different pagan traditions celebrate the end of the year in many ways.  The Germanic, Anglo-Saxon and Scandinavian traditions all get mixed up here in the united States, but most of what you see as far a traditional ‘Christmas’ is actually Yuletide symbols and traditions from those pagan traditions, mixed with a story about a baby in Bethlehem and presto – Christmas.

That said this holiday had a long-standing tradition before Christianity arrived, which is about ultimately a Celebration of the Winter Solstice and the rebirth of the sun.

Faith:

My faith is complicated on this subject because to be quite honest one of the main reasons I say I am a pagan is so I can celebrate holidays with everyone else. I have no problem celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, or any other holiday at this time of the year along with Yuletide with the pagans.  I look for the commonalities of faith in this holiday and in large part it is about final ending and starting the New Year.  It is a season of hope and joy regardless of tradition and so that I can join in with my fellow humans and celebrate the end of the year and the rebirth of the new one.

Religion:

The pagan traditions that survive at this time of year are quite extensive, from decorating trees, to the yule log to Christmas carols.  Kissing under the mistletoe is a favorite of mine. The resurrection theme in Christmas is just as prevalent in the idea of the resurrection of the sun only Christians will talk about the future resurrection of the son of God.   Gift giving predates Christianity as does holly and even fruit cake,

I find the fact that the whole twelve days of Christmas thing is actually a response to the twelve nights of yule. The actual tradition is very complicated but I found a good web page on Nordic Wiccan about it called The 12 Nights of Yule. Next year I may do a series about this holiday marking each of the twelve days as I find the whole thing fascinating. I am kind of new to this pagan thing, so I am still learning and the more I learn the more I enjoy the mythology behind it all.

Theology:

I suppose the real powers that be don’t mind us humans celebrating that which makes humanity great even in the middle of the darkest time of the year.  Us northerners have four seasons and it gets darker and darker and then as winter continues it gets lighter and lighter and eventually the sun’s rebirth will cause life to return to us in Spring.  The idea of rebirth is an old theological concept and it isn’t just found in Christianity or Paganism.  Nearly all religions have a concept of rebirth.  This idea of hope in darkness and joy in the midst of darkness is pretty common too.

Spirituality:

I am not sure how I feel about Christmas as an X-Christian other than the story is nice.  one of the things I may start doing is looking at certain Biblical stories and pointing out why they are problematic and the whole Nativity story is really problematic.   I also think that on a human level I can learn spiritually from any faith that genuinely tries to celebrate spirit of joy and hope. It is a family holiday and a time to remember some important things. I guess I like the fact it is a time of celebration from a standpoint of Yule rather than a single day.

Conclusion:

I like Yule and I like the concepts it is trying to both teach and uphold.  I think if I had more time I would have liked to dig deeper into this for this year, but it will just have to be a time of wonder, joy and peace for me this year. As I go through next year, part of what I will be doing is researching all this.  As a  writer of fiction, I smell a lot of potential stories in all this. A time to enjoy my family and life.

So I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Odin’s Eye – Why I Am a Pagan (and What I Mean by That)

Happy Thor’s Day

Introduction:

I suppose a definition is in order.  Pagan can be used as both a noun and an adjective and has multiple definitions and means which may or may not apply to everyone who calls themselves a pagan.  Pagan or paganism can imply some, most or all of the following:

  1. One observing a polytheistic belief system
  2. A member of spiritual, cultural or religious community that worships nature – neopagan
  3. One who is not a Christian, Jew or Muslim (negative)
  4. Irreligious or hedonistic person
  5. Uncivilized

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None of these definitions really work for me I would prefer to understand it with my own definition that kind of reflects a broader definition of pagan:

One who defines their own spirituality and comes to understand that spirituality from the world around them.

Yep, that is me.  I mean I don’t really have any belief in special revelation anymore but I do believe that people might have some sound ideas about how the divine works but that is the natural revelation of reason not the divine doing something directly to reveal themselves.

Faith:

When you faith basically consists of believing there is something or someone out there but you don’t believe that we will ever know who or they are.  When you believe that the only real means we have to engage the world is yourself, then you begin to have faith only in yourself. to do the things you need to do. If I am going to come to understand the divine reality, then it is going to have to be me that does it. It doesn’t mean that conversation, reading and the opinions of others are not part of that. What it means is like I know that I am the only responsible moral agent for what I do, I also am the only real moral agent in what I believe. The reality is that for every human being there is a faith in something.

Religion:

I don’t completely dismiss religion, I just know what it really is.  It men and women’s collective opinions about the divine.  I don’t dismiss sacred writing as they might have so accurate observations about what god may be like, I just know they are all the works of men and women and the divine probably has little to do with it. There is a kind of natural revelation as people talk, discuss and write about god but that is all it is. For me the jury is still out of what value religion actually has and it isn’t coming back  with an innocent verdict. One thing is for sure for me is that all of that is nothing more than a few more voices in the whole of the discussion for me now.

Theology:

The thing about theology based on natural revelation is that verification of what you discover using reason is not always possible.  You start sentences about the divine with ‘If,,,” a lot.  The one thing being a pagan means is a lack of being dogmatic about what you believe. Your theology is very open to change and the changes can be quite dynamic. You are open to these changes and in fact I feel a good pagan should embrace them and meditate and think on them.  It’s a journey of discovery not a place to make a last stand and die on a hill that may not be worth anything in the end.

Spirituality:

This means a great deal of spirituality as a pagan for me is to be open and relaxed.  My deist pagan self tells me that I can be open to let the god of the universe; if they exist, to reveal themselves to me in the world around me.  My humanist pagan self can see the ‘divine spark’ in each human being and let that tell me a little about the divine as well.  My spirituality is based more on living the Nine Noble Virtues of Asatru than it is rituals and creeds.  They simply represent a good code to live by in my opinion and ultimately it is my spirituality and no one else’s so I have to guide me to truth as much as possible accepting the guidance of others when it fits. I am The Grey Wayfarer and that is an identity I want to keep the rest of my life.

Conclusion:

We are coming on the pagan celebrations of Yule.  Part of my spirituality is the celebration of holidays and some of the divine being revealed in them as I celebrate them.  Mostly through the concepts of family and values such as hope and joy. This brings us to the end of the year.  What a year it has been!!!  Good, bad and ugly it has been a year I will not soon forget. I want to keep walking though, I believe that the best things are still yet to be discovered are around the next bend in the path, over the next hill or across the next valley of life.   So I commit myself to the journey.

So I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Grey Wayfarer (Fantasy Serial) – Chapter 5 – Evil Intent (Hel)

Happy Saturn’s Day.

Hel sat on her throne brooding over the god standing in front of her.  She was wearing her black robes which hugged every curve of her body which was a shapely.  A body which the right side was simply a beautiful strong Nordic Woman with very pale skin and golden blond hair.  The left side of her body was akin to a freshly dead corpse.  Not the rotting death described in most mythology. Rather deathly pale, Lips on that side were white and her left eye frosted over in death. Hair was white as the grave.  The skin was not broken but had that wrinkled quality of a corpse that had been dead for maybe a few days.  She was a pale looking monster really. Like a living beautiful corpse.

She, however cared little for such things as most of her existence she was the absolute monarch of Helheim, the realm of the dead. Those who died of hunger, thirst, disease and other natural causes found their way to her realm.  The honored dead found their way to Odin’s Valhalla.  The rest of the dead were her’s.  Not that life in Helheim was a terrible one.  It was just life continued only in a world of grey with little pleasure.  She was sure some of its citizens still had sex but it was the dull motions of a temporary relief from boredom.  Mostly people continued to work and exist, but there was no feasting, no mead and very little laughter in Helheim. The only person who seemed to gain any happiness was Hel herself and only when the world of mortals tried to cheat her or make a deal for their souls. She liked such deals and they often actually made her smile.  Something she very rarely did as most of the time she was grim-faced. She was much like her father in her love for such dealings.

Her father was the god standing in front of her throne. Loki, the trickster god. She was his daughter along with her two siblings Fenrir the Great Wolf and Jormungand the world serpent. Fenrir also dwells in Helheim, still bound waiting for the last days and Ragnarok.    The world serpent still surrounded the world, though it was the world of this island realm of Odin’s preservation magic. All Children of Loki and the Giantess Jotunn Andgrboda.  Such an unholy union produced to fierce creatures and only Hel herself even resembled anything human and to most she was a monster as well.

Her father by contrast was a hansom looking god.  His face and body one that women swooned over. His hair long and brown, his face clean-shaven and his grey eyes that would melt the hardest heart.

“Hel, are you even listening daughter?”

“Sorry father, I was thinking of something.”

The voices contrasted.  His masculine and melodic and hers otherworldly and haunting.”

“Damn girl, this is important.  This new human player could ruin everything.”

“I don’t think so father.  I would wager that Odin fears him as much as Fenrir. Frigg seems to think him the one of her dreams.  This Grey Wayfarer.”

“Perhaps, but Ragnarok can be delayed.  How many times delayed now?”

“Too many to count father.  Fenrir grows inpatient.”

“Fenrir is always impatient. Hel, my dear. I have struggled to be the king of the gods now for centuries and with no result.  I have come to see Ragnarok as the only way to have a chance of a new beginning.”

“Or end it all, father. Leave us all with nothing.”

“Better that than the eternal servitude that has been Asgard.  This Grey Wayfarer must be helped along the path toward the end we want, not what Odin wants.”

“Playing with fate father? I thought you would rather set back and see what happens.”

Her tone was sarcastic. She knew full well her father could not help but meddle.”

“So what is your plan father?  Negotiation, tricking him to doing things your way?”

“No daughter, my plan involves throwing you at him.”

“Me, but I would have to leave Helheim.  That has never gone well for me father.”

Truth was her powers were absolute in Helheim, even Odin would think twice about challenging her here.  He after all gave Helheim to her to rule. That changed the moment she stepped beyond is borders. Not powerless to be sure, but far less in power. Vulnerable.

“I know.  But it also necessary for all of us to take risks at this time.  Truth is, I will be taking a few of my own. I want you to befriend him and lead him towards our ends.”

“He will take one look at me and distrust me.  He knows the legends father.  Unlike you, I cannot disguise who I am.”

“Which is why I commissioned the dwarves to make this for you.”

Appearing in his hand was a mask. It was silver and looked the face of the woman.

“What is it?”

I put a little of my shape-shifting power in it.  Hel my dear daughter, this will make your left side look like the other.

“Interesting, but what if I refuse anyway.”

“Worried about the prophecy about you, my girl?”

Hel scoffed looking disgusted.

“What my dear girl.  Is it so impossible that you could fall in love. That the heartless Queen of Helheim might be capable for love after all?”

Hel actually laughed. It was unnerving and the walls of Helheim reverberated with its echo swallowing the mirth of it in absolute sadness.

“If that happens father, the end is truly upon us.”

Loki laughed this time.

“And that is what we want dear daughter.  Fenrir wants to bite Odin, I want the throne of the gods.  The world serpent wants to ultimately feast on the world and you my daughter, what do you want? Yes, the souls of the dead that will die in Ragnarok outside the confines of battle will be legion. Your ranks and power will grow.”

“I already have enough servants.”

“Yes, but how many are like Balder or some of the other warriors you have robbed of Valhalla.  I mean do you ever figure out why he didn’t go to Valhalla?  You have to admit you can appreciate the delicious irony of a great beloved warrior ending up here instead of Odin’s Mead Hall?”

Hel smiled wickedly.  Yes, it had been to her a delicious feast for her soul to see the one greatly loved now wondering her halls with the same lost expression as all the rest.  No feasting, fighting to drinking for Balder. Just the long night of an ordinary life with no end. He father had a point, if she could find the way he missed Valhalla and do it to other great warriors that would be enjoyable.  Robbing Odin and Valkyrie of their champions would bring a smile to her face.  This Grey Wayfarer might be just the one to show her what she needed to do that to a lot more warriors.

“Very well father.  I will do what you ask.  Leave the mask and I will use it.”

“Excellent.  Befriend him and push him our direction.  While you are doing that you will have all the time you need to perhaps uncover the secret to robbing Valhalla of its champions.”

Loki set the mask down next to Hel on the table that held her empty plate and knife. He then smiled that disarming smile at her and then turned and left.  Hel looked at the mask. To have both sides of her look the same.  To just be the beautiful daughter of Loki.  The thought made her feel ‘alive’ like she hadn’t felt in decades. This was a worthy quest. Ragnarok would come and her and her two brothers would know vengeance against Odin and the citizens of Asgard.  The Grey Wayfarer might very well be the key she was looking for.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Rogue Wizard – The Fire of Fury – Part 3 – Temptation

Happy Saturn’s Day

Rogue Wizard’s Journal January 5th, 2019

So after last night’s encounter with Lunette and the three stooges, I went home and set up my wards.  Basically there are two types of wards I can do which, while not sophisticated, are effective.  First, there are my protective wards which basically can set magical using beings on fire. I set these up on all four walls of my apartment and in front of the door.  The other type I can do is detection wards which tell me a magical being is getting close to them.  I put this up on the outside of my apartment walls and a couple on the sidewalk leading up to my door.

My day today started at roughly two in the afternoon when one of my detection wards went off.  There is no klaxon or bell or anything like that, you just know something is coming close to them.  I reluctantly gave up the book I was reading in my lab and readied my shield spell in one hand and my fireball in the other. It might be Lunette as she promised or it could be someone else. There was a knock at the door.

I relaxed a little and put on my jeans as I was wandering my apartment in my  underwear, t-shirt and socks thing.  I went to the door.  No peep-hole to look through, so I readied my shield and opened the door.

Standing there was the goth elf chick from the night before.  Her features definitely had that angled elf thing going with a very slight but sensual build.  I noticed that her hair was dyed black, as I could see the roots which were golden.  Her eyes were green, which told me contacts or illusion, as most of the time elves have silver eyes or golden.  If she could do illusion, changing her eye and hair color would be child’s play, so I was guessing not an illusionist. She didn’t throw a fireball at me last night and she didn’t stop my lightning bolts with a shield, so probably not evocation or adjuration either.  That left necromancy, conjuration, transmutation, enchantment and divination.

Well the council snaps up every necromancer they find and necromancy is outlawed.  Note, like all governments, they still keep said power to themselves.  Bastards. Despite the goth look and the skull choker probably not necromancy. Not transmutation either.  Mages who can transmute things get rich or comfortable doing it.  Diviners who are any good don’t do a lot of field work even if they are freelance. While I do divination myself, I don’t use it often, even though I am good at it.  No, this elf woman was probably not a diviner.  That left two possibilities – conjuration or enchantment.   If she was a conjurer, she would have thrown something at me last night.  A poison cloud or a demon from hell – something.  Yeah, my best guess was she was an enchantress. Good thing I am hard to beguile thanks to long hours of meditation under Mrs. W’s teaching years ago.  She was an enchantress too, and taught me defenses against their charms.

The problem was magic aside, this girl had some charms of her own that had nothing to do with magic. She was cute despite, or maybe because of, the black hair, green eyes and black lipstick. She wore her black outfit which consisted of black knee length boots, black stocking which disappeared into her short black skirt. The skirt was short enough that if she bent even slightly over, I would be able to tell the color of her underwear assuming she was wearing any.  A black button up shirt which was unbuttoned about four buttons showing ample cleavage, which was demonstrating a strong C almost D cup.  Over her shoulders was a black jacket that covered her arms. Skull choker with matching skull earrings completed the ensemble.  She was sensual, cute and darkly sexy on top of being an elf. She was temptation with black boots.

“Well, I don’t see your two friends.  Is this a business or social call?”

“The file said you were a smart ass. Grumn is nursing some burns you gave him last night and Alex is probably brooding somewhere. I am Raven.”

“Suits you.  At least the file doesn’t say dumb ass.  You don’t strike me as Council stooges, so why the attack last night?”

“Pixie was the target. We are bounty hunters and she has a high price on her head – alive or dead.”

“Yeah, probably me too.”

“Yes, actually. But we don’t go after mages as a general rule. Pixies and monsters are our specialty.  Do you mind if I come in?  I promise I will be a good girl and not cast spells at you. I just want to talk.”

It was pretty cold out.  I was pretty confident in my abilities to handle her alone.  I mean she would be in my home giving me an advantage and I was pretty sure she was an enchantress.  I would be an embarrassment to Mrs. W’s memory, if I couldn’t handle her on a magical level.  It was the sensual, cute and darkly sexy part that was bothering me.  I am a man and my wife had been dead for a couple of months now.  There is an old saw about ‘there is really only one way to comfort a widow, you just have to remember the risks’.  I could probably testify that is probably true for widowers as well.

I let her in.

My apartment is affectionately known as “Bag End” or the “Hobbit Hole” by some of the family.  That is because you have to step down six steps to get to it once you are inside the door. Half the apartment is ground level and below, the other half ground level and above. I stepped aside in the door way and let her go ahead of me, telling her to turn to the right and the living room would be in front of her. As she walked down the steps I couldn’t help but watch her move and then, after shutting and locking the door, and then resetting my ward, I followed her to the living room.

The living room had been the most sparsely furnished room when we had moved in and only recently I had received a three-piece sectional from a friend and found a high-backed reading chair.  A couple of end tables made of crates and three lamps were the rest of it. I had purchased a television hung on one wall mostly for guests who visited me after my wife’s death and I had also bought an internet connection at that time.  The TV was mostly off now, as I hardly ever watched it.

Raven looked around the room which was clean and functional and she looked at the reading chair and the sectional but then smiled and took a seat, crossing her legs in one part of the sectional right across from the reading chair.  I smiled and sat down in the reading chair.  In the pale light, I can pull off the old wise wizard in his throne look when I sit in it.  In my black t-shirt, jeans and socks probably not so much. Raven spoke first.

“Spartan.”

“Yeah, I am a minimalist, so if I don’t use it or it doesn’t give me joy, I don’t usually keep it.”

“I see.  Edward…”

“OK.  Let’s get one thing clear.  There are only certain people who can call me Edward.”

“Oh, sorry. I am not trying to offend you.”

“I know but I want that established.  Only my grandmas, who are both dead, my mother and my former love interests can call me Edward. With my wife dead, that leaves three people – all women and you are not one of them.  Call me Ed.”

“Is one of them Lunette?”

“Yes.”

“Then the other would be..”

“Don’t say her name.”

“OK, like I said I am here to negotiate, not offend you.”

“Negotiate? If you are walking around and the Council is not after you, then you are connected to a House or a mystical being like a pixie or elf or other magical creature.  You’re an elf, your grey troll friend is well a troll and then Alex must be…”

“House Saturn.”

“Well Shit.  So why isn’t he coming after my ass?”

“Because we also represent a group of revolutionaries.”

“Revolutionaries?”

“Yes, we want to abolish the house system and the Council.  Free up the practice of magic to everyone who wants to do so.”

“Singing my song.  That said, let’s say I am a suspicious person and I don’t believe you for a second.  Because I am a suspicious person and I don’t believe you for a second.”

“That would be wise and you don’t have to yet, Ed.  We expect people to be skeptical.  Hopefully you will give us a chance to prove ourselves. The fact is once we recognized you, we realized you could make a powerful addition to our organization. Even Grumn saw the need to forgive you for the burns.  You’re very powerful, that’s why the Council fears you so much.”

What followed this was a ten minute conversation.  What I gleaned was that dissatisfaction with the Houses and the Council had been growing for a few decades. I of course am still skeptical of overthrow because I know they have survived for a couple of millennia.  I also gleaned that I was indeed behind the pixie lines which made me a little safer from the Council but not completely.  The Pixies were having trouble holding the line because the local grove was not supportive.  They might have to retreat.

“In any case Ed, the Council would think quite a bit before they came after you.  You scare the hell out of them. It’s bad enough you can do two schools of magic with expertise but throw in a third one at good level and they wet their pants.  Top it all off with the fact those first two are abjuration and evocation.  Shit, that makes you a Battle Mage.  There hasn’t been a genuine Battle Mage in any of the houses for well over two hundred years.  Add in Divination and they think you have eyes on the back of your head. In short, they don’t want to lose a bunch of mages to take you out. They know what you did to House Mars and House Venus and you did that as a teenager; so they bide their time and wait.”

“Well, fuck ’em. Listen, I get all that. Which is why me openly backing your revolution might be just the motivation to spend those mages’ lives to kill me.  The Death Angels failed and now my wards include protection against necromancy, so they are not going to be have an easy target.  If I join a group and give up my solitary introverted life, they might think it is time to take me out.”

“You have a point, but with the group you would have resources and allies. Something you don’t have right now.”

“I have Lunette.”

Raven sighed.

“Do you?  She is an outcast with the pixies and the mages don’t trust her either. Hell they want her dead. I have the wanted poster hanging on my board back at the office and it’s fairly clear the money is the same dead or alive. It’s also a lot of money. You might ask what she is up to and consider she might need you more than you need her.”

I frowned, but remained silent. She stood up and told me she had to get back to the office.  She wanted me to think about what she said.

“You know Raven, I want to violate a rule I have about asking women their weight and age but…”

“115 pounds and 54 years old. Elves live on average five times as long as humans.  I am half-elven so probably three times as long.  Physically I am roughly eighteen human years old.”

“Oh, well that explains it.  So it’s easier to pass yourself off as a teenager with the goth thing?”

“No, I just like black and being goth allows me to wear a lot of black.”

I laughed, she smiled at me and I showed her to the door. I locked it behind her.  She had been true to her word and not cast a spell.  Well except the one her hips made as she walked up the stairs anyway.  She had given me a lot to think about and a few questions to ask Lunette the next time I saw her.  Hopefully, I will see her soon. Definitely an interesting day.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – Paleo Nutritional Planning Winter 2018-19

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

One of my goals is to be in the best shape possible by my Birthday so I can take some progress pictures.  That would be March 18th, 2019.  I will be 50.  There is something about these birthdays where the first number and last number both change.  I mean ten was probably where I first became aware of abstract thought and started to find girls far more interesting.  Twenty I went from being single to married and started my first round of college.  Thirty was a year where I became ordained as a minster and became pastor of my first church.  Forty was the year I started my last church.  Now I approach fifty and it truly is a milestone.

I will be finished with school and very close to the end of my internship.  I will be hopefully starting a new career with a new job.  2019 is truly going to not just be a new chapter in my life but in truth a whole new part to the story. I want part of that to be able to stand naked in front of the mirror on March 18th, 2019 and say: ‘Damn Ed, you look really good for fifty.”

The biggest part of that happening is going to involve nutrition.  I lift weights and walk/hike and that is important, but it is nutrition that not only gets results but allows you to keep them.  It is about lifestyle choice that leads to a better life, not just a better body.

Philosophically, I know that plans that involve meal planning, counting calories and points do not work for me.  I have said it before I do the best when I can control what I eat and when I eat it.  What has worked so far is a combination of Paleo and Intermittent Fasting.  The issue right now is to train myself to make that even more discipline and tighter as I get closer to my birthday.  After that finding a basic patterns that works and keeps working will be the goal. The details of this plan will be below in nutrition section but my basic idea is to slowly drop the number of carbs sources I can eat a day and the number of cheat meals a week. The four weeks leading up to my birthday both of these will be very low; if they exist at all.

Couple this with intermittent fasting and you get a powerful combo that so far has dropped my weight probably fifty pounds since May.  I don’t really go by weight though as my basic test of how I feel and look to me is the naked in front of the mirror test.  If I can look in the mirror and feel proud of what I have accomplished and my wife is giving me bedroom eyes, then I will have considered it a breakthrough.  Then it will be about maintaining it into the future.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Nutrition is simply one of those areas I am trying to apply more discipline.  To be harder on myself, so greater things can be achieved.  My homework and study time right now is tight with this as well, but I take comfort in the fact there is less than three weeks to go and the last half of December is pretty much going to be chill time.  I will still be working in retail, so it won’t be completely relaxing until after January 1st.  I just won’t have three major things to work on, just two. I will probably use the extra time to start disciplining myself toward attaining some other things on my list of goals and the bucket list.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Shit.  I look back at 2018 and marvel how many times I was knocked down and got up.  I am not talking simple knockdowns either but full on flat on your ass knockdowns where you slide from the force of the blow for twenty feet.  Where you lay there gasping for breath wondering if you are going to live knockdowns.  I got up from all of them and I still am shaking my head about it.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

I think the biggest realization I have had this week is how much I now distrust people when they say they are my friend or want to be my friend.  I can tell I am still skeptical of this. Only people who proved my friend during this year do I seem to trust without question, and even then I wonder very slightly from time to time.

I really do need a new small local circle from a social point of view, but like I told the counselor on Tuesday, I probably will have to look at my new career to find those people. My hope for starting a new support group of some kind might be an avenue as well.  The one thing I don’t trust is old wells that have no water – the church or friends who disappeared when things got tough.

At the same time, I kind of marvel at my wife’s forgiveness and loyalty to me.  She has no reason to be. None.  I guess she loves me.  I probably should follow her example and give some people a second chance.  Some, but not all that’s for damn sure. Being led astray by others about me is one thing.  Being a person who straight up abused my trust and betrayed me is another.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

This week has been more about school than anything else.  What this has done is limited trips to the gym and school oddly as class has not been something I need to attend on a couple of occasions. Walking and lifting will not reach their goals this week as I am hitting the books instead.

The gym situation is coming to a head as I will no longer need to travel to the city where my gym currently is as often.  Plus, it looks very much like my gym will close soon.  That means changing gyms closer to where I work now. Once that happens, training will take on more importance.

Nutrition:

Paleo Diet means I avoid carb sources of foods like the plague.  I have pretty much eliminated pasta.  What I need to do is slowly wean myself off them pretty much altogether.  Part of this is re-educating myself on what I can eat and eating more of it.

The intermittent fasting basically will go like this.  I eat breakfast then fast until eight hours later, then I can eat until I go to bed. At first this will be weeks that start with an even-numbered Sundays.  Four weeks out from March 18th, 2019 it will be all the time.

The two things that will be added are a weekly check list of cheat meals where when I have one I check one cheat meal off and when I have used them all for the week, I can’t do any more.  The other thing I will add is a daily carb food source check list.  I want to basically start shrinking both down every week or two.  The goal the last month is to have no carbs at all daily and one cheat meal per week.

December 2nd – December 22nd: Weekly Cheat Meals: 5  Daily Non-Paleo Foods: 5

December 23rd – January 5th: Cheat Meals: 4; Daily Non-Paleo Foods: 4

January 6th – January 19th: Cheat Meals: 3; Daily Non-Paleo Foods: 3

January 20th – February 2nd: Cheat Meals: 2; Daily Non-Paleo Foods: 2

February 3rd – February 16th: Cheat Meals: 1; Daily Non-Paleo Foods: 1

February 17th – March 18th – Cheat Meals: 0 (special occasions only), Daily Non-Paleo Foods: 0 – I will actually extend this out for the rest of the week but the goal is my birthday which is a Monday.

Of course extra cheat meals are allowed for special occasions:  Birthdays and holidays.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – I don’t feel to bad in this area.  I did come to the conclusion this week that I will feel a great deal better as far as Courage, Honor and Truth once my degree is finished.  Still work to do, but I feel much better.

Business – Things are coming to a head, graduation, internship and new job search,  I have a feeling my hard work is going to start paying off. Prosperity with purpose is getting closer.

Self – I feel the best about this area. Have for a long time.  This week particularly.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Odin’s Eye – A Pagan Thanksgiving

 

Happy Thor’s Day – Happy Thanksgiving!!!

If someone were to ask me if I could still celebrate Thanksgiving as a non-Christian, I would probably respond – “You still think Thanksgiving is a Christian holiday?  That’s cute.”  The thing is that when you study holidays in general you see a couple of things.  Nearly all cultures and religions have a celebration of thanksgiving to whatever powers are worshiped at the harvest time.  All of them.  The other thing you see is when a country or culture accepts Christianity,  Christians basically repackage the pagan holidays and re-symbolize them for themselves.  In short, Christians have stolen or blended with holidays from all different traditions since Christianity was founded as the early Jewish Christians still celebrated Jewish holidays.  Mostly what you see today is Christians have stolen various holiday traditions from paganism and blended them with their own. It’s why some pagans get mad about the whole thing.

See the source image

Personally, I am taking a different tack this Thanksgiving. I am a deist and I will probably whisper a prayer (something I rarely do anymore) of pure thanksgiving to whatever powers are really out there, if any. But to be honest there are thanks that could be given to many people for that celebration and for the prosperity I receive. So my list of thanks goes to people this year.

  1. I thank my wife for being a forgiving soul who loves me despite all the things that have happened between us.  I haven’t been a very good husband this year, but she deserves wife of the year honors.  Thank you baby. I love you more than ever before.
  2. I thank my Mother for being so generous to us in the past decades for housing us an sheltering us.  She has put up with a lot and still loves us.
  3. I thank my kids for being good kids. You have all followed your hearts and have learned to love with power.  All of you have expressed your love for me this last year and I can’t tell you how much that means to me. Thank you.
  4. I thank my grand kids for being kids.  For showing how there can be pure joy in the world for the simple things of life.  For showing me that no matter what the news says, I can see hope in your eyes.
  5. I thank my fellow students at school and my professors.  The learning environment over the years has been awesome.  That is mostly due to you.
  6. I thank my coworkers.  You have given me comradeship that I do value.  It’s nice to work with you, laugh with you and just share this working experience with you.  You make the burdens of it lighter.
  7. As I look at my feast, I thank the farmers, ranchers and all the people who make it possible. To the people who plant, grow, raise, harvest, process and transport all of it – Thank you.
  8. For everyone who keeps the heat and lights on, provides the basics of life and the luxuries.  Thank you.
  9. I thank the watchers of the wall. While I think many of the so-called threats to the nation are the politicians made up are garbage done for political ploys, I know there are real threats out there that you guard against. Thank you.
  10. To my friends, to the ones I have left anyway.  Thanks for sticking with me.  I haven’t made it easy this year I know.  I appreciate the real friends who didn’t bolt at the first sign of trouble.

Yeah, I am going to thank people this year.  Thank you all.

In Thanksgiving,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer (Part 3) – Confessions

 

Happy Tyr’s Day

Introduction:

I just don’t have time this week to do a proper Of Wolves and Ravens.  School is starting to have the potential to kick my ass and I am having to bear down a bit.  It’s OK though, because it gives me a chance to do an update on my constant battle with depression aka The Grey.  I could just write and say things are cool, but that would be a lie.  I would assess myself as functional but struggling.

I never realized how much betrayal would be a depression trigger.  The pain of loss of friendship I think does it. We all objectify people from time to time.  It’s the main philosophical problem of our age brought to life.  We no longer see people as people like ourselves but rather as problems to be moved aside or dealt with.  I work hard every day to see people as people.  Even more so since I failed at that with my wife in particular. But my greater motivation is now I very much know what it feels like to be treated as an object as well.  Once you have been treated that way, you never forget it and you either work hard not to make others feel that way in return or….you fade into The Grey.

As a warning here at this point. What follows is a discussion of the three things I would be talking to my counselor about if I could afford one.  Some of these are sensitive in the sense they can invoke strong feelings.  Particularly, if you are family in some sense or another either through blood, long association as my friend or even through my church ties some way, this warning is for you to stop reading at this point, unless you feel you can take the sensitive emotions of the issues presented. I am going to try to be as transparent as possible without being hurtful, but I don’t know how people will react all the time, so the warning is for you.

On a practical note, the reason I am doing this is these issues are making it difficult to concentrate on work or school because they are the closure issues I have been mentioning.  It should be noted that on all of these, other people have different views of the events and have called me cowardly and a lair for my viewpoint.  I can only present things from my perspective and based on my own conversations with others.  The problem still remains that others are telling my story and I want to tell it myself to set a more complete account.  I don’t care if you believe me.  This is me getting things off my heart and mind for my sake.

Old Flame:

I want to say that even with all the strength and love I have gained from restoring my relationship with my wife, I still have residual pain over loving another and the breakup that followed.  I don’t think that should be surprising or shocking as you can’t emotionally invest in someone and not have that happen.  What I find hard is not walking away from this relationship as any romantic love I had for her is gone, but mostly how it came apart and the reason why it came about.  This is one I think I am just going to have to learn to live with and pretty much learn to do it on my own.  I have had a hard time hating people for hurting me like this, but I know I can’t trust them and that makes me sad.  Mostly I get mad at both of us for taking this relationship too far.  Oddly enough, I still miss the friendship and I learned a valuable lesson on boundaries being important.

I think though this is one of those wounds that will get better with time.  I also think it will never heal completely. Mostly I have found healing here in turning my attention to my relationship with my wife and building that.

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‘Friendship’ Lost: 

The second issue is I had a long time friend with my last church.  We did a lot of things together and sat next to each other for well over nine years.  We were in a small group together for the same length of time.  We knew each other very well.  Or I thought I did. The one thing I felt I could do with this person was trust them with something important and in this case my resignation.

My plan was to have my resignation read the one Sunday and then come in the next when I wasn’t feeling so emotional distraught and explain things. That never got to happen.  This person set me up.

a) They convinced me to remove all references to the reasons I was resigning – I had been involved in an inappropriate relationship.  The reasons for removal given to me were not wanting to start gossip in the church and not dragging the girl into all this. I felt the reasons he gave were solid, so I removed the references to the affair, figuring I could go in the church the next week and deal with that issue.

b) I now know the very day that I gave my ‘friend’ my revised resignation, with all references to the affair removed, he called the woman I had been involved with up and asked her permission in using her name for him to tell the story to the church.  He did that after reading my resignation.  This made it very much look like I was hiding something, and he was being the noble guy telling everyone the truth.

c) On the Monday that followed the story of what happened came to me though my mother and several others who called me. There was even a plan in place already of how the vote would take place in a few weeks to decide things. None of this was ever shared with me during the months that followed in any official capacity.  If it hadn’t been for a few members of my flock who disagreed with how things were being handled and kept me informed, I would never have known anything.

d) I texted this person and asked very simply what was going on.  That was June 5th, 2018.  I still have the text I sent.  It has never been responded to.  This person has made no effort to contact me since.  Ever.

The sad thing is that I would not have handled things this way had the roles been reversed. I would have given him two things he obviously didn’t give me.

Love – I would have given him the benefit of the doubt and certainly would have allowed him to tell his own side of things and not take it upon myself to do that.  The story that followed that I heard had definitely been blown up far bigger than it was and had obvious falsehoods. I would have made sure only established facts were told and crushed any rumors that couldn’t be verified.

Time – I would have given him time to think over things. In retrospect what I should have done is taken a week off to think things over and then resigned the following week myself in person.  That’s the time factor I am speaking of. I would have given him these two things because that’s what friends do.

I am not sure what bothers me the most, but one thing I wrestle with is whether this truly is a friendship lost or did I really have a friend there to begin with? I am beginning to think I was nothing more to this guy than an object, that when no longer usable to him and his agenda, I was discarded.  That pisses me off.  The problem is no matter how many times I pay over the scenario, I keep running into the later conclusion.  I know forgiveness is a powerful tool in recovery from things like this, but this one I haven’t forgiven yet. At least fully.

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I want to make it clear, I am not looking for vengeance and I would never hurt him physically.  That is just not me.  What is me is being patient and waiting for the wheel of time to keep turning.  If someday I get to balance the scales of justice thanks to fate, providence or karma, I will take it without hesitation. The difference will be I will stab him in the chest while looking him in the eye. Metaphorically speaking, not literally – I hope the man lives a long but miserable life.

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Now before everyone lectures me about Christian forgiveness, I will remind people I am not longer religious or a Christian.  One thing I do feel is that justice should be served.  I may be a former adulterer, but I at least tried to confess it to my flock and would have if not for this man’s interference. I know he is a two-faced, backstabbing liar and that is enough for me.  I doubt he will ever admit it, so he continues to lie to cover things up.  Maybe he lies to himself more than anyone else.

On thing I do think is such a thing should come to an end as he has no honor or sense of fidelity.  I just hope I am around to see it; so I can smile as the fall takes place.  There is an old proverb – “Meditate on the bank of the river long enough, and you will see the body of your enemy floating by.”  Hopefully it is true. If you hear the sound of clapping when it happens, it will be me applauding as the body floats by.

Perhaps you are also saying I am going back on my treating people was people with this one.  I would say I am simply following Christianity here seeing he is a Christian.  I am treating him like he treated me.  That’s apparently how he wants to be treated, because that how he treated me.  As a pagan with a pagan sense of justice, I just want to see the scale balanced.

‘Few’ Goodbyes:

Oddly enough this is not the toughest thing.  It’s the lack of the ability to say goodbye to my flock that hurts the most sometimes.  Despite my struggles with faith and the affair, I still loved and cared for them like a shepherd.  Because of how this was handled by my ‘friend’, I knew there would be a lynch mob waiting for me after that if I went back.  I have been left with people contacting me and that has been few in number.  Each time it has happened though, I have had a measure of healing come into my life.

I don’t really blame them.  I know they were misinformed and tricked by someone they trust. It’s why I was fired and denied severance as well.  I let a lot of that go and because they were my sheep I loved very much; I forgive them.  The treacherous ram in the middle of them?  Well, he just showed his true colors. I never should have turned my back to him. Live and learn.

Maybe in a year or so I can go back and say goodbye to those who are still there.  By then perhaps people will have different thoughts on the whole thing.  I don’t know.  My daughter has always joked with me that she was going to throw an over the hill party when I turned 50. I guess the invite list could have a few select people from the church on it if she does. I definitely wouldn’t mind seeing some of them again.  They are good people and I miss many of them.

Conclusion:

I don’t know if this has done anything but help me get through the fog a little and see clearly my path.  You don’t get very far glancing over shoulder or looking back.  My whole thing is to identify what is weighing me down and find a way to deal with it.  Either to cast it off, change it so it isn’t so heavy or learn how to cope with it. I think writing this out and having it out there has been good for my soul.  I need that right now and this has definitely helped as I have written it.  It’s good to know your enemy and even better when part of that enemy is yourself.

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Once again, my purpose here is not to stir up feelings.  If I have, I do apologize.  But I have been struggling with this for a little while now.  I have talked with my wife about it and that has helped but I needed to clear my head.   One thing that has always helped has blogging about stuff.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Rogue Wizard: The Fire of Fury – Part 1 – Past Reflections

Happy Saturn’s Day 

Rogue Wizard’s Journal – January 1st, 2019

2018 was one bad year.  I mean I did finishing my degree at school, I am now looking for a new job in earnest and I have an internship to complete.  But there was also losing my faith, my ministry as a pastor, almost losing my marriage and all the crap of the rest of it.  Honestly, I am glad 2018 behind me and hope that 2019 is better.  I guess why I am starting this journal thing is I want to see what happens and chronicle it for a lot of reasons.  It should be noted that each entry could be my last.

That is one reason I am doing this journal.  The Council made me do this thing where I chronicled my past from the time I got my magical abilities until I set them aside in my late teens.  I guess I got used to writing the chronicles of my life and now that I have once again taken up the mantle of ‘wizard’, I think it might be helpful for posterity sake. Particularly if something happens to me, that I can leave a record of my battle against the tyranny that is the Council.  I may have had to leave my family behind at some point and go underground to protect them.  I hope this journal will explain things to them if it finds itself in their hands.  Seeing it can only be seen and touched by someone who shares my lineage, it might remain hidden from the Council and find its way to them.

My recent magical troubles started with the death of a person who I shared a protective link with; which meant the protection that link gave me from discovery vanished.  My innate magical abilities could be detected and I was indeed captured by the Council because I was unaware this had happened.  I wasn’t really captured, so much as constantly being watched and warned not to try to run.  House arrest you might say.

During this time I was asked, not too politely to chronicle the story of how I discovered my powers, what people influenced my magical abilities and why I set them aside. I did this and it was of immense interest to them but the joke was on them.  I put a spell in the ink that very few know.  It basically sets itself on fire once the spell’s trigger is cast.  All those journal entries, up in smoke as soon as the last entry was written and read.  Lost forever.

I also pretty much gave the middle finger to the Council with my final entry. “Come get me bitches.”  Probably not the wisest thing to do. Well they did, but they miss fired and hit my wife instead.

“Sorry, sir.  Your wife is dead and we are damned if we can find a cause.”

Terrible words to hear, seeing my wife and I had just reconciled after almost getting a divorce. But I knew the cause, magic.  I could practically smell it and at the funeral when I was finally left alone with her body, a quick magic spell told me I was right – some sort of death spell.  I also at that moment knew that neither I nor my family was safe. I could mourn my wife to the point of being vulnerable or turn the love I had for her into motivation to act.  I chose the latter.

To my family who may find this – I love you, but I am sure that the Council would kill every single one of you to get to me.  I may have to leave to protect you because I love you. I can’t say anything because the less you know about where I might go and where I might be the better.

The fact my wife died on November 1st is probably fitting as it is All Saints’ Day. I am not much of a Christian anymore, but my wife is probably the best example of Christian forgiveness I know.  It has only been a short time but a lot has happened.

I used her life insurance to pay all our debts and finish off our apartment lease.  I was in constant fear most of this time that the Council would try again but I have remained calm. Done what need to be done and now that school is over, I have little to do except continue to look for a job.  I have enough life insurance left to hold me over for six months with everything paid off, so there is no immediate rush. I have an internship to do in the spring term, so I am going to do that.

The real puzzle I am having in my head is why the Council has not tried again?  I can’t figure it, as I was sure they would try right after their misfires.  That death spell is necromancy of the first order and that means the Death Angels – The Council’s number one hit squad.  I mean they could have attacked and had it out with me by now but in truth I haven’t even detected any magical presence nearby.  It is a puzzle.

I am not afraid of that final confrontation one way or the other.  I have discovered my abilities have not really suffered that much in the interim.  I mean I need to practice a little to get my skills back up, but my raw naked magical ability is still up there.  This is particularly true in schools of magic known as evocation and abjuration.  For the layperson, that means I am really good and burning, electrifying and freezing shit and protecting myself with shields that nullify from the same, as well as protect me from other forces.  I am good and Divination but not great, so I can discern and detect things with magic.  Illusion is weak, like feeble weak.  I suck at conjuration, enchantment and transmutation, so only the most basic spells in those schools I can do. I have never even tried necromancy – not even a single spell.

I am actually quite unusual in this regard that I can do two schools with a great deal of power and skill.  Most mages have one and maybe a secondary.  I really have two, and a secondary along with other small abilities in the rest except Necromancy. I refuse to go Necromancy, so I don’t really know there.  Hey, I may be rogue wizard but a trip to the dark side is not in the cards – yet.

My battle abilities ready, they have yet to be recently tested.  So, I break out my books of magic and study.  I set my wards to block detection and my security runes using evocation.  My office room in the apartment now looks more like a wizards lab.  Thankfully the landlady doesn’t have reason to even talk to me seeing I paid my rent to the end of summer.  At least the rest of the place is clean. It’s the one thing I am OCD about.

The real problem is all my former contacts in the magical world are either dead, far away, estranged from me or I have no idea where they might be. I am really blind when it comes to intelligence and I am pretty much friendless in the magical world.  Well not completely without friends in the magical world – there is Nevermore.

Nevermore is my familiar – He is a Raven.  Just today I pulled him out of his pocket dimension and he looked at me with the most quizzical expression.  Then I remembered it had been thirty years to me, but to Nevermore time had not passed.  He knew it was me because of our bond, but he was probably wondering why his young friend looked so old.  I told him the story and apologized to him for waiting so long to revive him.  He cawed softly.  I stroked his head.  At least I wasn’t completely alone.

I could look for allies,  I mean the Grove is just of couple miles away; I still live in Redberg.  That said, I know I was banned for life from the Grove. All I would get would be spears and swords, if I went there. Yeah, no hope in that direction. The entity that rules that place shut me out a long time ago and quite frankly seeing her again would be very painful to me. So what does that leave?  Not much.  Perhaps I can journey to one of the cities and find the underground magic community.  Who knows?  Right now, I would give anything if Mr and Mrs. W were still alive. But they are gone and so is my father and my wife.

If I have learned anything about magic though, it is that people who practice it get drawn together.  It is like a magnet. I know for instance now that I am using my power more it will draw people like the faerie to it like moths to flame.  The word will get out that I am back which causes other problems. As much as I have few friends left in the magical world, I really don’t know the state of my enemies.

Let’s See.  I killed the Mane of House Mars when I was in eight grade/freshman. I am fairly certain that they were trying to kill me for that right up until I dropped off the radar.  House Venus asked me to do something that I refused to do which in their world is a breach of trust.  I had promised them I would honor them for their silence about my existence by doing what they asked from time to time.  I was under the impression I had some choice about what I would do; they disagreed.  There is a reason The Council knows I am here and it is House Venus. There is also the assorted faerie from the Grove who might hostile.  Several mages and creatures I have beaten in battle. Yeah, the list of enemies is long.

This is a real problem as get back into this dangerous game. Allies can be the difference between life and death and I have far too few of them. On the flip side, my enemies list could get really long in a quick hurry. Hell, it’s already too long. I need to do some prodding and poking to see what shakes loose. I need most of all to know why the entirety of the Council’s Death Angels haven’t come down on my head already.

Hopefully by my next entry, I will have some answers.  The clock just struck midnight so – Happy New Year.

Author’s Notes: As I start this project, I am sure people are wondering the rationale behind killing my wife off.  Well, it is certainly not because I wish it to happen. I would say the most devastating thing that could happen to me right now would be my wife dying. She has been my rock in my life of late.  She has most definitely brought healing to me and her love is my motivation.

No.  The Rationale is that it would be the one thing that would probably motivate me to vengeance if someone killed her.  I wouldn’t take that lying down; someone would pay for it. Characters need motivation and the character of the Rogue Wizard, that persona, needs motivation that is very personal.

November 1st is also where the time lines between my real life and the time line of this fictional story split. This story is completely divergent in its time line.  I can do everything differently that it in reality pans out. In the real-time line my wife is alive and well and I hope she stays that way for decades to come.

The issue of past characters I brought up last time in the introduction.  There is one that will never appear and I think in this chapter I have addressed who they are and why they will never appear. That’s not to say they won’t influence the story because they were a large part of the backdrop canon known as The Hedge.  But that is all it will be influence and backdrop. I knew people would be asking questions about it, so I hope I have headed things off.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!