Interrupting the normal order of things to make remarks about pagan holidays. This time of year we shift from The time period of Yule which began in December to the time of Imbolc or Oimelc (it has a lot of names, depending on the pagan culture it comes from). The day that kicks this off is Disting which is February 2nd but it really starts at sundown on the 1st. This time begins the time of Spring and looking forward to new life. The day Disting is about the celebration of the souls of women in your family and this was the traditional time that lambs were born to shepherds. So the beginning of life begins with motherhood, even if there is still snow covering the ground. It is a time of celebrating cold, ice, healing and the hearth.
In Viking myths this may refer to times where the Ymir gave life out of the ice. There is also a lot reference to any god or goddess celebrating life, hearth and planting and each of theri spheres is celebrated as well. It’s a time of preparation; so as Winter ends, the spring activities are ready to begin. In Viking society “The Thing” happened at this time as well, which is the time of law and justice.
Mostly though Disting itself is about honoring mothers and grandmothers who have passed on but who still watch over the generations. There is an idea of respecting ancestors of the female side of the line. In this regard I have many women who have passed on that I want to remember.
Time to Look Through the Eye:
Faith:
I suppose when one considers ancestors there is a discussion of the afterlife. Over my time as a Christian, I was always sure of what this entailed, but these days I have to concede that no one really knows what lies after death, except maybe the dead themselves. Assuming there is anything to know. My aunt who was a great mother and my grandmother Alice fit the motherhood motif of this Holiday. If the pagans are right, then perhaps they both watch over all of us.
Religion:
There is a simple but profound ritual connected to Disting. It is above all a cooking holiday. The Norse Goddess Nerthus being celebrated here. She is the goddess of fertility peace and plenty. Most of the ritual involves cooking of bread, feasting, celebration and lighting of red candles for the mothers who have passed on. Given that chariot riding Nerthus is a fertility goddess, I also imagine couples might pray at this time for children and might go home and have sex in honor of the goddess and the possibility that she will bless them.
Ritual religion has always been a problem for me, but I can get into the spirit of winter merrymaking and celebration of women who were mothers who have passed on. There is a spirit to celebration of the beginnings of life I can respect here.
Theology:
There is probably a theology of after life in every major religion. The specifics vary widely. I can only say that the door to the afterlife is death and none of us really know what is on the other side. I do believe there is something there, but that is all it is – belief.
What Disting does point out theologically is that in the case of sexuality, pagans are very much about masculinity and femininity . There is no gender fluid but two sexes both strong and clearly defined, but there is also a lot of room to express both culturally in may ways. What you have is an equality of sexuality that is dual and so far in my studies I would have to say balanced. This holiday is about celebration of those feminine sexual traits that we consider honorable, and that is something I can relate to very much.
Spirituality:
The spiritual side of me can at least remember the things about women of my family who have died, and it keeps them alive in memory. That is a good thing to do. It is important to remember that legacy isn’t simply genetic. That there is a spiritual side of motherhood and femininity that is celebrated in my heart with this holiday and on February 2nd I will probably take a moment to remember those of my line who were great mothers and examples of being good, strong women.
Conclusion:
I like these pauses where I look at the pagan holidays and seasons. The pagans have a better understanding of the cycle of regular change better than most people. I like that they really have six times of year and holidays to kick them all off. There is also a closer understanding to real life with the pagan side of me, and these holidays bring that out.
Continuing to Walk the Path,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
The Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) for me are about peace and rest in the end. It is about putting yourself into a position to be free to the point where there is nothing but peace. The NNV are about achieving this warrior’s peace. They may be a warrior code but the end result; the end desire is peace. It is the image of the honorable king on his throne. His acts of courage have cause his enemies to sue for peace and his commitment to truth means his people trust him. He and his realm are at rest, peace and growing in prosperity.
The Foundational Virtues achieve this in a multitude of ways, but mostly they end anxiety and worry. Honor means you are at peace with yourself and no longer are anxious about your inner battles. Courage means you act instead of worrying about things. Truth means you are not anxious about what you understand and believe. You know you pursue what is honorable, courageous and true so there is little to fear when it comes to inner conflict, cowardice or lies unless they are in others. You simply know and are at peace that you are honorable, courageous and truthful.
This week has a simple goal. To complete as many things as possible each day but also to introduce some rewards for completion of the day, so it is in my best interest to start living things. The planning and all the organization is mostly over. There will be small adjustments to be sure and a growing understanding of what I am doing, but the skeleton of my vision for myself is finished. Now it is simply time to flesh it out by living it.
Honor:
“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”
Principle – Be positive about my future
The meditation each morning has really started to help with my sense of inner honor and peace. I have gotten to the point also where I can move through life and don’t give a shit what dishonorable people think about me. But I also value people and their opinions when I can see honor in them. I don’t know if I have achieved everything here; but I feel like I have achieved a level of honor, and I am looking to try to build to the next one.
Courage:
“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”
Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.
I have actually acted in courage a lot this past week. There were people to talk to and confront about certain issues and I have done that. I don’t know what the results will be, but I have don what needed to be done at the right time. I still have some people who try to push this Alpha Wolf around. They find it more difficult than they think and it is amusing to me. I working on making sure this doesn’t spill over into asshole behavior as I try to respect the humanity of others no matter who they are. But if you don’t respect me; well that’s not my problem, but it will be yours if you take it too far with me. I accept the loneliness tha goes along with some of this but that’s the price of being a wolf instead of a sheep.
Truth:
“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”
Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.
The truth that is most challenging is the one you find in the mirror. That said, I don’t mind looking at myself in the mirror anymore. That’s the truth of it.
Higher Virtue: Love:
I find a great deal of peace these days in the arms of my wife. The love we are growing has old roots but it has new branches and that is very good. It pulls everything together when I am holding her. The king needs his queen’s love and that is particularly true for me.
Morning Routine:
Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
Review Goals and Bucket List
Meditation
Full Body Stretch
Shower and Personal Hygiene
Get Dressed for the Day
Thus routine is getting more and more automatic. The meditation time is becoming more productive and focused and so another goal is achieved here. Of all my routines it is the one with the least problems, if any.
Bucket List:
Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
Get My Tattoos.
Actually Get Drunk.
Smoke a Joint.
Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
This is the stuff that makes life worth living. I need to look at it that way and I think something will cross itself off of here very soon.
Weightlifting:
Until I have a new job and know where I am working for a while, the gym question is a little problematic. I probably could solve this problem by building up a set of dumbbells slowly over time as I can afford them plus a compact but functional weight bench. It isn’t the best equipment for what I do, but it would save time and be versatile.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
The center piece of course of Norse mythology is the characters that play on its stage and that is the Gods and Goddesses of the pantheon. The interesting thing about the gods and goddesses of Norse mythology is that they are very real. Some critics of such pantheons say that these gods are all too human, but then again so is the jealous and vengeful god of the Bible. The point of such stories is not to be historically accurate or factual but to be morality plays that people think on. Religion dwells in the realm of ethics and one has to wonder if the stories are the smart clergyman’s way of illustration of the values people are trying to pass on.
The Norse God’s family tree is complicated. Like most myths the central characters are not the first generation. Rather they are often the third and fourth generation. There is also the complication of the fact that the Norse Pantheon also has two separate races of gods the Aesir and the Vanir. Plus the Gods often mate with the giants producing offspring. So most people can relate to such gods as the whole family question seems to be pretty relative. The whole Vanir /Aesir question seems to be the result at least as far as I understand it of two mythologies of different parts of the Scandinavian / Germanic world merging. The result is a little confusion but it makes for an interesting story in and of itself when Freya, who is Vanir, is sent as an exchange to Asgard which is the home of the Aesir.
The stories of the Norse Gods are quite extensive but they have a couple challenging issues. 1) The goddesses do play prominently very often and so their personalities as far as characters in the story or even a full idea of what their sphere and powers are is sometimes missing. 2) There are gaps in the stories like there are supposed to be more of them but they were not written down. My guess is that there are tons of stories that were told but only a few were preserved.
From my perspective as a writer this is a blessing in some ways because I can fill in the gaps when I use Norse mythology and no one can really bitch about it. I can for instance take what little is known about the goddess Hel for example and then fill in the gaps with my own imagination which is what I did in this post: The Grey Wayfarer (Fantasy Serial) – Chapter 5 – Evil Intent (Hel). I can also do this with other blank spots in the story and characters. So Norse mythology becomes a rich backdrop that my imagination as a writer can fill in the blank spots. It is primarily why The Grey Wayfarer will center on female goddesses because I can fill in the gaps and there are a lot of gaps.
In popular culture of course the Norse Pantheon is prevalent from the comics all the way to books and movies and has been so for a long time. The influences of this pantheon are seen in other characters indirectly as well. JRR Tolkien’s Gandalf the Grey is certainly inspired in part by Odin. There are simply tons of this kind of thing in fantasy literature and that is kind of my reason for delving into it. To find my own inspiration for my own characters and writing.
There is also the fact that a religion built around a warrior culture is fascinating. It is amazing to me how many of this pantheon are gods and goddesses of battle or war. I would say very few of them could not be invoked before a battle by a Viking, and that makes conflict a central aspect of the pantheon. War and battle are common but also politics and diplomacy. Adventure in these stories is often high and powerful.
In the future the Gods and Goddess’ section of Crossing Bifrost will center on a singular god or goddess. There basically will be dossier of them and then some thoughts about them from my perspective. My goal is to draw inspiration with Crossing Bifrost and this section will be no different. I will probably start with Odin of course and then work radially out from him. It seems if there is one thing that binds the whole thing together is the All-Father.
As always I claim no expertise here. I am still learning and reading but I want to keep a record of my thoughts as I do. The goal of Crossing Bifrost is to record my journey in understanding this rich mythology, not necessarily to educate. If while I am doing that you are inspired and learn something then that is a bonus for me.
I hope you continue to enjoy this.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Part of my daily routine is study and working on school. As I was putting together my Evening Routine last week, I put together the practical things I needed to do for such a routine but as I went through the week I realized there was something missing – Reading for enjoyment. The need for this pressed on me as I realized that a lot of my routines are about getting things done a discipline. But part of me needs to enjoy life a bit and adding a 15 minute reading session at the end of the day right before I nod off to sleep is needed.
If there is anything I have learned about Routines is that there needs to be a part of each one I look forward to doing. Reading is something I enjoy when I have the time. I need to make the time instead and put it near the end. There is an element of this that is me escaping into another world. I need this more than most people know.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
Probably the only thing that concerns me these days regarding discipline is time. Time is the same for every person and it requires discipline to make the most of it. The issue is disciplining relaxation into things so it allows recovery. I need to look at this further, but reading in the evening routine is kind of like that. I also like to game a little on my PC and perhaps that needs to be part of the daily routine for say an hour at the end of the day too. A reward for a successful day. Something I need to look at more so that I don’t get to the end of the day and ask – how has this helped me relax and be more at peace and have no good answer.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
The job search is becoming a matter of perseverance as I seem like I am getting no where but it always seems that way right up until the interview is scheduled and then I know I can do well. It is just a matter of going forward in what seem to be failure and defeat.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
I hate when I am busy because it always makes family stuff and time with my wife seemed rushed. I don’t like that from a fidelity point of view as people in my life deserve my time.
Higher Virtue – Wisdom:
Balance is a key issue in wisdom and this has caused me to look at everything in the context of cost and benefit. I have often ask people who work a lot – “what good does that do you if you never have time to enjoy what you are building?” It is a question I stop and ask myself from time to time. At the same time if you enjoy what you’re doing then work can be a time of relaxation form a spiritual point of view.
Weekly Routine:
Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
Cleaning – 3 days a week.
Walking – 4 days a week
Writing – 4 times a week
Cheat Meal Count – Currently 2
The real issue is weightlifting and walking still. I don;t want to join a gym only to have job that does not allow me access to it anymore. I need backup plan for both that does not require a gym. A full dumbbell set might do the trick for one. The other I just need to wait for spring as I don’t have the proper gear for walking in the snow. So much hinges in improving income. It needs to be my focus along with school. The cheat meal count has dropped to the level I want it to be all the time. This is the test of whether this lifestyle can be maintained.
Evening Routine:
Take supplements and medications.
Brush and Floss Teeth
Out the Door Preparation
Reading – 15 min.
Go to Bed
Reading for 15 minutes at the end of the day. Somehow this suits me. It also might help me start working through this backlog of books I need to read. But first I got two new ones on Norse mythology. The rest of it is going surprisingly well.
Nutrition:
Nutrition is my main thing now regarding health and perhaps it is good that I don’t have the gym in some ways because it has forced me to focus on it. The fasting is easier than expected and the carb counts are good and the cheat meals. The thing is that in a couple more weeks the diet enters a very serious phase. I need to be ready for it
Weekly Recap:
Foundational – I actually feel pretty good here. I feel like my foundational virtues are good. I need more courage at times but I also think that part of my personality is not to give a shit about offense at times. these are hard virtues to practice because they are so abstract, but I do feel like I have learned to crawl so time to learn to walk in them.
Business – I don’t struggle with the virtues as much here – just the results. Mostly I need to keep disciplined about school and keep the job hunt going while enjoying and getting the most out of my current job as much as possible.
Self – It is in the end about being a better me. It is all I really can control and even then there are some elements beyond my control. Life is more like sailing in many ways. You have to take the wind as it is and make the most of your abilities to still get where you want to go. Sometimes it is at your back and other times you have to tack back and forth. Either way you keep your eyes on the prize and then find out what you need to do to get there.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
After some thought on it, I have decided that the ‘higher virtues’ of Love, Justice and Wisdom should be incorporated into my journaling. I will start this next week. Love will become the higher virtue under Foundation Virtues; Justice will be the higher virtue under Business and Wisdom will be the higher virtue under Self. Mainly these higher virtues provide the bigger picture when it comes to virtue.
I am not going to define these until I get to each journal post that first incorporates them. Mostly I need to come up with the definitions and that’s going to require some meditation time.
Mostly though Love becomes expressed to me in the virtues of Honor, Courage and Truth. Justice is Expressed in Self-Reliance, Industriousness and Hospitality. Wisdom is found in Discipline, Perseverance and Fidelity. I will discuss this more as I go through the journal posts the next week.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
I am actually on the cusp of having to engage my life with more discipline. I have an internship to do but in order to pay for it as far as the university was concerned I had to maintain full-time student status which meant three more online classes on top of that. This is going to mean regular discipline this time as I may switch jobs in this time and I also have to be careful because they are online and it is easy to forget them.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
This week has been a tough one regarding The Grey. Part of it is being with the family and given this past year that has not always been pleasant. My wife’s family in particular was a mixed bag of those who treated me like nothing ever happened and others who completely ignored me. My son being up meant discussing my life as it stands with him, some thing I miss doing because he was always a good wise balance when I could talk to him. So now, I feel like it is cold and rainy emotionally as part of the aftermath, but I keep walking.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
It’s been a good week for my wife and I. We got to be with our family; just us, my mother, our kids and grand kids. It was a good week in that regard. Despite the almost split of it; our family still stands. That’s a good thing no matter how you look at it.
Weekly Routine:
Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
Cleaning – 3 days a week.
Walking – 4 days a week
Writing – 4 times a week
Cheat Meal Count – Currently 4
Treating writing like a job is the thing here as I make it a four-day a week part-time job where I don’t get paid. At least for now. My cheat meal count changes next week to three.
Nutrition:
Right now nutrition is very important as I don’t know when I will be part of gym again. I don’t want to lose what I have gained and nutrition is key to that. Cheat meals will drop to three for the next couple of weeks and carb sources a day drop to three as well. This is where I want to live after this special diet is over to get ready for my fiftieth birthday pictures.
Weekly Recap:
Foundational – I think adding the idea of love over the virtues of honor, courage and truth is just what I needed to give the picture of what I am trying to do here a little more clarity. That is true of the Business and Self-Virtues as well but it is particularly true here I think.
Business – I have a good feelings going into the next week as I begin school with my internship, try to find a better job and basically improve my prosperity. I am heading into it with a very positive attitude.
Self – Good week here as far as fidelity and perseverance. Struggle a little with discipline because so many changes are taking place so I am adjusting more than anything.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
With the holidays over, time to get back to the normal pursuit of self-improvement. As I look back I find Yuletide a really enjoyable holiday time both from a personal and family perspective. I am also glad it is over because much of what I am trying to pursue requires routine and consistency and it is very difficult to be consistent during the holidays.
Right now from a Business point of view i need to polish up my resume and start sending it out to prospective employers. Graduation should have opened up some opportunities for me. I have my internship to do and maybe three other online classes so I can maintain full-time status but for the most part its time to put my education to work finding a better job. One that I both can enjoy and is more beneficial to me.
My motivation right now is to improve my life situation not just for me but for my wife as well the ministry left us both broke and without much in the way of insurance or a financial future. Time to change that. Time to get back to the plan and re-focus on my goals and routines.
Self-Reliance:
“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”
Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.
Things can be shaky at times for us. We kind of skate a very delicate financial situation. But that said, we feed. cloth and house ourselves. Our vehicles still run. We both have jobs. This is basic self-reliance but I seek for ti to be a more sure thing and more stable.
Industriousness:
“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”
Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.
The time has come for a job search again. School is going to start again with internship and some classes that should be good resume padding. I enjoy this time right now and it is exciting but terrifying in other ways. I just want to find a place in this world where i can enjoy my life and work again.
Hospitality:
“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”
Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.
Getting there. I am ready to help in what ways I can. I just don’t bankrupt myself to do it anymore. That’s why I want more prosperity for myself, so I actually have more to give.
Daily Routine:
Communication / Cuddle Time
Blogging
Reading / Study – Half-hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
Empty In Box
Financial Transaction Input
Carb Count – currently four a day.
I moved writing form a daily routine item to a weekly routine item. Mostly this allows me to tailor four days a week where I can set aside some time to write outside the blog. Probably days off from work and other days where I know I will have time.
Goals:
Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship.
Find a new, better paying job by the end of January 2019 or before.
In 2019 have a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
Follow Paleo Diet completely and use intermittent fasting until the end of 2019
Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)
Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.
Time to work on some of these mostly #2 and especially #3. Number #6 is also on my mind but things are financially tight to joining a gym right now might be a luxury I can’t afford. Finding a better paying job will have greater implications than just more money but more opportunity.
Goals achieved since Summer 2018: 1
Budgeting:
Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
Debt Snowball
Fully funded Emergency fund
Invest 15% of income into retirement
Pay off Home Early
Build Wealth and Give
I think the real reason we are following this is because both of us can agree to it. It will work we just need to up the income side of things.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Happy Tyr’s Day. Hope you had a great Yuletide. First post of the year 2019.
I remember the day I walked out of my church for the last time. I was on my way to deliver my resignation but I had stopped at the church to make sure I had everything from there. I picked up a few things and then stood in the pulpit behind the lectern one more time. It was one of those moments I probably will never forget. Just me behind on a pulpit I had mounted countless times to talk about sin and salvation. I guess you could say that the moment I walked away from that pulpit was the moment I walked away from Christianity. It was symbolic for me at least of a change in philosophy and belief.
My main thought as I locked the door behind me for the last time was “So, what are you going to live for now?” The question indicates a desire for purpose; that is for life mission. I had been interested in viking myth, history and culture for a long time and ran accidentally into the Nine Noble Virtues of Asatru (NNV). As I read more about it, I realized the set of virtues was just what I needed for foundational framework for a new philosophy for living.
More recently I discovered three other virtues as I went through the nights of Yuletide: Love. Justice and Wisdom. The odd thing is that I had seen these in passing but I never really saw them dwelt on until the 12 nights of Yuletide as I read about that. Of course I can see the value of these virtues and at the same time I can see that they are pretty universal and perhaps ‘higher’. The question of purpose then seems to be more clear.
I have divided the nine noble virtues into three groups classified as foundational, business and self. But I can also see that the virtues could be divided as love, justice and wisdom. Love being the foundation virtue. Justice being the nature of how we are trying conduct the business dealings of our life. Wisdom reflects the desire to handle Self so we growing in understanding and personal strength. I want to think on these three some more and incorporate them in my weekly thoughts. Probably the weekly recap as they would give my final thoughts on the week some needed direction.
Basically I am seeing these three virtues as the skeleton on which the other nine are the muscles that make them work, if that analogy makes sense. But on to the Wolves and Ravens concerning virtue.
Needs (Geri):
Why do I need to pursue virtue? It is best interest of each person to improve themselves. We need to do this because those who do not stagnate and eventually die. We also in my opinion need a foundational philosophy that is the basis for all our decisions, so there is consistency. One of the things I have to say now is that Christianity never gave that to me. I will talk more about why in a moment.
Mostly though Need, the wolf Geri, is about necessity and part of the necessity of being a human being is to have a life’s purpose or mission. Without it, how do you differentiate yourself from being an animal? For me this has been a struggle of need. As I switch off Christian philosophy which is inconsistent, how do I switch on something that is less hypocritical?
Part of our need I think is to develop this foundation philosophy ourselves. However, most of us instead of taking the time and putting in the effort to do so, turn to religion to do it for us and then wonder why we struggle. The reason we struggle is because the ‘one size fits all’ that most religions give to others, does not work for everyone. It is this working on our own philosophy for ourselves I think now that meets this foundational need. Running to religion is us just avoiding this need and justifying ethical and moral laziness.
Wants (Freki):
What I want is a philosophy that causes me to pursue something better for myself and those I love. One that motivates me to make a better life for myself. That harnesses the wolf of want (Freki) and uses it to make me act. The problem with Christians philosophy is it focuses too much on this made up concept of sin. You are constantly struggling between feeling guilty and trying to achieve virtue. This is why it naturally leads to hypocrisy. You are trying to achieve virtue in Christianity, but the doctrine of sin always allows an escape out. “Be patient, God isn’t finished with me yet” or “I can’t help it I sin every day” or “I am just bound to my sin, I can’t escape it.” and other expressions dot the Christian phraseology as excuses for failure to be consistent. I don’t want that dichotomy anymore because I think by its very nature it leads to the justified hypocrisy you see in Christianity.
What I ultimately want is a philosophy that focuses on positive progress and gives an honest assessment of human desire, not as righteous or sinful, but whether such desires are normal, beneficial or detrimental and how such desires can be rationally and wisely handled. Pursuing virtue does just that, I can mark progress but can also accept who I am as a human being without looking at my human nature as sinful or evil.
Reason (Huginn):
Basically when I engage reason, the raven Huginn, on this topic of virtue, my favorite Marcus Aurelius quote comes out.
The main thing is the last line: You will be gone but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. I would also say it allows you to be live the best life for yourself while alive. It brings the most benefit to you and that is important.
These days when I am doing something and someone says I shouldn’t, I ask them for a rational reason why what I am doing is not virtuous? If they can’t answer then they need to back off or come up with a reason. I don’t want to hear about your god or holy book. I want to hear how what I am doing is not beneficial to myself or it is somehow genuinely harmful to others. If they can’t do that: then perhaps that person might simple realize they are using some made up moral code to justify being judgmental of others without working on improving themselves. There is nothing virtuous about holding others to a standard that is neither rational or you don’t keep yourself.
Wisdom (Muninn):
Wisdom says that I need to continue to pursue virtue then. I get what I need and want for myself and those I love without harming others in the process. I also then am rationally pursing self-improvement with being judgmental of others as virtue says I work on me first and help others, not judge them. I accept where I am but also seek to improve myself to be better. I don’t spend a lot of time wallowing in self-pity or guilt because neither of those things help me improve. I eliminate excuses for not being better instead of justifying them with excuses, like I am a sinner and cant help myself. These reasons along with many more are why I pursue virtue alone and thus embrace the wisdom of them. Both the NNV and the Higher Virtues provide the basic framework for that pursuit.
Conclusion:
As the weeks of this new year continue, I will through this platform called Of Wolves and Ravens be looking at more individual virtues and various aspects of philosophy. The aim is the same which is ethical and moral improvement for myself. If on this journey you walk with me a little ways and discover something that helps you as well, then bonus for both of us.
Until next time,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Happy Sun’s Day. It is also the 11th Night of Yuletide. This night is sacred to the Valkyries and Warriors. We remember those who choose the slain as the noble and honored dead destined for Valhalla, and those warriors who were chosen. Today we remember the virtue of Self-Reliance.
Announcements:
We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.
We also don’t take an offering here. We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it. Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it. Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.
Today’s service resembles a concert more than a service. Basically, the idea struck me that I should do the past year, one month at a time, in song. So there will be no text or sermon today. Just one song per month (two for one month) representing each month as I experienced it. This probably as much as a reflection on this past year, but rather than write about it, I will just give you a song on each month and a little commentary.
I suppose a warning is in order as I am going to be pretty open here about my thoughts. I also should note that I had to take a break twice while writing this post. There are a lot of strong emotional memories to 2018 for me. Some good; some bad. In any case, my hope is a little more closure on a year I hope to not repeat. Overall it changed me for the better, but it was a helluva ride.
Music for me is still a an expression of the real emotions and thoughts I am having I can’t express in words. I think for this reason this way of doing a year review is probably more accurate in many ways than just writing about it.
January: No Rest for the Wicked – Godsmack:
I choose this song for the theme for the entirety of 2018. I started with the struggle to be a ‘man of God’ who had lost his faith. The whole year was me not getting enough rest because of all my struggles. In the end, I dropped the masks and I am probably far more at rest because I am more genuinely who I really am now. The verses of this song really reflect some of my thoughts to this day, so it fits.
February: American Pie – Don McLean:
In February, my long time organist and friend died. This represented the last of three great musicians/vocalists in my church and with this death for all practical purposes it was ‘the day the music died’ both in my church and my soul. It was my grief over this, and the fact only one person understood it at the time, that left me vulnerable.
March: Losing my Religion – REM:
March was a transitional month for me as I started to fall in love with someone I shouldn’t have. Looking back on it, and as warning to others, grief over the loss of two good friends in less than a year, a weak marriage and looking for comfort, left me open to this. That and not caring about my religion anymore. I had lost my faith a couple of years before due to theological reasons, but now the emotional side of it came crashing down.
April: Don’t Stand So Close to Me – The Police:
Lot’s of secret love this month. Both directions and both forbidden. I have come to a greater understanding of this song than I ever wanted to this year. Now when I hear this song, I remember the lessons of this past year vividly. Mostly how easy it is to submit to temptation, especially when you are hurting and want something to ease the pain. There is really no excuse for this, but there are reasons people do this which I now know all too well. I have no excuses, but I did have those reasons.
May: Monsters – Shinedown:
The shit hit the fan in late May and my monsters got loose. I think I made the remark at the time that the Pagan was freed from his cage and was kicking the Christian’s ass. I suppose this song stretches into June as well.
The reason it does, is I trusted someone I considered to be a friend with something important. They took advantage of that trust and betrayed me to get one more win over me, probably to stroke his already overly inflated ego. Yeah, rage doesn’t begin to describe what I felt when I found that out. It became greater as more details emerged during the summer and I began to discover how planned and maliciously thought out this betrayal was. It still is something I struggle with and quite frankly I finally found someone I don’t believe I can ever forgive. At least not until the scale of justice gets balanced first. Til then my monsters stay hungry and patiently wait.
June: Familiar Taste of Poison – Halestorm:
I fell in love with Halestorm this summer. I also fell fully in love with a young woman. It’s a decision I now regret. I think the relationship was full of natural chemistry but part of that chemistry was the additional effect of generating a toxicity that was wonderfully deadly. I didn’t want to be saved and I didn’t want to be sober. In the end, I think that toxicity killed it. I probably should be glad for that, but there is still a sadness and pain to it all for me. This song definitely captures that feeling for me still.
July: 400 Lux – Lorde:
I don’t like describing people as addictions. It makes them seem like they’re not people but the relationship I had was addicting. Relationships are things. We were always killing time together in July, so the lyrics fit too. It’s no accident I chose the video for this song that has scenes from The Perks of Being a Wall Flower. It’s a reminder, that life needs to be lived and not just observed. It’s also a book I probably will not read again for the foreseeable future. Maybe someday I will pick it up again with new eyes, because I really liked it. There are too many memories associated with it right now. That and the Song All of Me by John Legend. This song by Lorde I can still listen to and remember without it being too painful, but not that one.
August: Stuck with You – Huey Lewis and the News:
August was a roller coaster month. It was pivotal turning point. I went from being very special to the young woman in question to becoming someone they used to know in the space of less than a hour. I found a new job, but this happened the same day, so the joy of that disappeared. I found myself alone and bleeding from my soul pretty bad. In that state, I also woke up and began to think that my wife and I could save our marriage. From my perspective, it was a long shot and I fully expected my wife to tell me to go to hell.
But she didn’t. She accepted my apology and apologized to me in return. We talked, I mean really talked, for the first time in years. It started a healing process that is still in process, but we are better than we have ever been in a long while. This was the start of that.
Long story short, we found our way back together. In all of this, the only one who really never stopped loving me is her. The only one who exercised ‘Christian’ love, mercy and forgiveness was her. It overwhelmed me and I fell in love with her again. We picked this song as our own while on a weekend away. I am happy to be stuck with her and she is happy to be stuck with me.
September: Love Walks In – Van Halen:
In August I was standing in a convenience store when this song was played. I started singing it out loud as the cashier was doing so too. He stopped and asked me if it had meaning to me and I said it did now. I continue to play this song on my ‘Wife Playlist’, it makes me think of this moment and her every time. Throughout September it was my second favorite song next to Stuck With You.
October: I have two for this month. Sorry I couldn’t choose just one.
Both of these songs are on my current walking play list and have been so for a long time. In October as school began in earnest, I found myself listening to them every day. I still do when I listen to music.
Prayer – Disturbed:
It is the way I pray – ‘living isn’t hard enough without ‘god’ making it harder. I love the lyrics of this song and the feelings behind it. It reflects a lot of my continued struggles with faith.
Voices – Disturbed:
I love the video of this song as it reflects the song so well. I like how the guy is bullied, made fun of and has that girl he likes moment where she dissed him. He then fantasizes about how to get even with them all – the voices speak in his head. Instead of acting on them though, he just leaves work and goes to a concert and lets it all go instead. I listen to this one a lot when I am having dark thoughts. It helps them simmer down.
November – Hammer to Fall – Queen:
I include this one for a lot of reasons: 1) The biopic Bohemian Rhapsody was released this month and my daughter and I had a date and went to see it. Best movie I have seen in a long time. 2) I think in some ways it became a month of returning to ‘normal’ where my wife and I, my family and the friends I have left are back to some sense of stability. This song kind of is symbolic of that as my daughter and I got back to talking music, books and movies – instead of the chaos of my life. 3) The message of this song. The hammer is going to fall, so live life fully. 4) Plus it wouldn’t a music list without Queen.
December: Dreams – Van Halen:
Reflective of the end of the year. I graduated college (with a little work to do) and my wife, myself and family have been celebrating the holidays together. I am starting to dream again about what my life will be. Dreams are what love is made of according to the song and honestly my life has started to reflect that again.
Parting Thought:
Wishing you the most prosperous journey as you travel through 2019.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day. It is the 9th Night of Yuletide. This day is sacred to fathers and the All-Father Odin. This is the day we remember fathers and honor them. The Virtue remembered today is indeed Honor. I find it interesting that in Norse mythology for mothers the virtue is Industriousness but for fathers it is Honor. There is something very profound in that if you meditate on it.
Journal Entry:
I was sitting Wednesday at a restaurant with my son who lives in New York but who is home for the holidays. I couldn’t help be very proud of him as I watched him handle his daughter who is ten months old. It was an introspective moment and one where I found myself both challenging and upholding my honor a little.
I have not always been the greatest example of fatherhood. Recent events in this last year give little cause for my children to be proud of me. But at the same time as I look at my children, I have little cause not to be proud of them and I have to say whatever my wife and I did in raising them, turned out really good in the end. They are all three of them good children. They are good human beings and I couldn’t be more proud of them all.
Fatherhood is an ever-changing role. Now I content myself with being as good a grandfather as I can be, and a friend to my children that they know they can always count on if they need me. One day, I will be the Patriarch of the family in truth (May my mother remain the Matriarch for years to come) but for me that is more about influence than authority. I just hope to be fondly remembered at this point and so work to make memories in their lives to that end.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
There is one change I am considering and that is one of having an evening routine. I have always found these the most challenging because when I get to the point where my bed is calling me it is usually overpowering of any other thing I would need to do. Such a routine would have a little hygiene as well as preparation for the day to come. It would be a short routine because anything long would not get done.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
Looking back at this year, this being the last entry for Self Virtues this year, I still stand amazed that I am still standing. I am a much different man than the one who started the year. I can’t really describe the transformation but the one thing I think I have demonstrated without fail is that I will never, ever quit. I will walk The Grey and get up after every time I am knocked down. I keep coming and I will not quit.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
I suppose along with the lessons of perseverance, the lessons this year involving fidelity have been pretty extreme. With my wife I have learned that love may not be able to fix broken oaths, but it can start to forge something new that is stronger from the pieces. From this year I also have learned fidelity is not always given even when expected. I have lost a lot of friends this year. I also had someone I thought was a good friend betray me. I loved someone who obviously didn’t share that in return. I have had the whole gambit of stuff done in return to me. I guess some might call it karma coming back on me for my own lack of fidelity. In truth though I only betrayed one person and that person still is loyal to me despite it and she forgave me. Yes, I have learned a lot this year about fidelity, perhaps too much and the wrong way. But, the lessons are learned and I will go forward.
Weekly Routine:
Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
Cleaning – 3 days a week.
Walking – 4 days a week
Man, not lifting a walking has not had as much of a negative effect as I thought it would. Physically, by keeping the nutrition solid, I still feel and look good. I still have improvement that could be done, but I am not in danger of going backwards yet. That said, from a spiritual/emotional point of view, I definitely miss both.
Nutrition:
Nutrition took a step forward this week with my limits being tightened a little. The effect was to make me instantly aware of how close I come right now to going over both on carb count for the day and cheat meals. That said, it is the holidays so it is harder but I also give myself those holiday cheat days for free. The real test will be after new year.
Weekly Recap:
Foundational – Courage, Honor and Truth are becoming more than words to me at last. There is some meaning to them as I hit the end of the year.
Business – Self-Reliance, Industriousness and Hospitality are becoming more than words to me too. The philosophy of Asatru is beginning to sink in and I must say it really appeals to who I really am.
Self – Discipline, Perseverance and Fidelity have all been a struggle this past year, but that is what each day of the future is for – to improve and grow virtue. That is my ultimate quest.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Happy Wooden’s Day. It is also the 7th Night of Yuletide. This night is sacred to Thor and Children. There is an idea here of resurrection and renewal. The idea of continuation in this night with children being the future and Thor’s sacrificing his two goats with his hammer for food and then raising them back to life the next morning as part of the mythology. Thus the basis for the virtue of Fidelity, which is remembered tonight, which is continuation and legacy.
Journal Entry:
I guess the only thoughts worth considering this week were the continued questions of faith with the whole Christmas thing. It is very strange, in a getting used to it sense, to not be celebrating Christmas in the sense I used to celebrate it. That is celebrating the incarnation of Christ. I just don’t buy that anymore. So I move along with people wishing me Merry Christmas and me saying ‘Happy Holidays’ in return and not getting bent out of shape about it either way. There is a pagan part of me that wants to say ‘Blessed Yuletide’ back but perhaps this isn’t the time for me to do that yet. I have a lotto sort out yet regarding my faith.
The truth is though I want any holiday to be a time of community and family. So it is better not be an ass about it and move along given that most of my family is Christian including my wife. It was weird Christmas Eve as it was the first time in a long time that I wasn’t at a candlelight service. Instead I let my wife go alone and I stayed at home. I spent the time thinking and meditating on a few things.
The one thing I will probably be doing in between writing fiction is working on The Book of Rabyd. You can find an older incarnation of this book here: The Book of Rabyd. The design was a book of principles, wisdom and sayings of the family passed down through the years. I was reworking it on the Microphone. I am going to try to rework it again as it needs to be updated. It is the basis for the values of the family. It is also my legacy to my children and grandchildren.
The one thing though that starts today is the active seeking of a new job. Time for me to be about the Business Virtues and pursuing my goals.
Self-Reliance:
“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”
Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.
The issue as always is to be independent. To not be reliant on others for my life and lifestyle. This extends to my family as well, and that it is just my wife and I in practicality. The hope is to be debt free and prosperous to the point we don’t need anyone’s help to stand on or own two feet. So far so good, but more needs to be done for the future’s sake.
Industriousness:
“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”
Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.
Funny thing is as much as I bitch about work with my fellow employees, I actually am starting to enjoy working for work sake. Now I just need to find something I enjoy doing as well for its sake and mine.
Hospitality:
“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”
Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.
You know, we are getting to the point where fiends over for dinner and a movie is not beyond the realm of possibility. if I only had some friends that were local. I hoping through a new job to find some. I just still have this problem of trusting people after being betrayed.
Daily Routine:
Communication / Cuddle Time
Blogging
Reading / Study – 1 hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
Writing – 1000 words/day outside the Blogging.
Empty In Box
Financial Transaction Input
This new routine is working out better. I still think though that another change is in order in the writing department. That’s why I added the Writing part. Time to start working on that novel and perhaps my career as a writer.
Goals:
Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship.
Find a new, better paying job by the end of January 2019 or before.
In 2019 have a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
Follow Paleo Diet completely and use intermittent fasting until the end of 2019
Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)
Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.
# 3 is front and center and # 6. Both I hope to get going very soon, Once Number 3 and 2 are finished I will consider myself on my way to my new chapter of my life. Goals: achieved since Summer 2018: 1
Budgeting:
Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
Debt Snowball
Fully funded Emergency fund
Invest 15% of income into retirement
Pay off Home Early
Build Wealth and Give
I think the real reason we are following this is because both of us can agree to it. It will work we just need to up the income side of things.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
The Grey Wayfarer 