Desires

The Rabyd Skald – Thoughts on My 50th Birthday

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day.

So my wife says to me last night that the next day I would officially be old.  I say in return. “Well then, I can also officially call myself a dirty ‘old’ man and start acting like it, let the fun begin.” She has no idea what she is in for now.

This post is dropping at 12:39 because it is that time that is on my birth certificate that I was born.  According to my mother, I interrupted lunch.

Tuesday, March 18th, 1969 was an interesting day – The United States began the secret bombing of Cambodia in the Vietnam War that day.  There was a Solar Eclipse that day. Barbara Bates – the famous model/actress died that day by suicide:

Barbara Bates pin-up from Yank, The Army Weekly, May 4, 1945.jpg

The Song everyone was listening to was Dizzy by Tommy Roe.

I don’t what else people expect in a time where Richard Nixon was President and the late 1960s were coming to an end.  The movies. books and all that were typical for the period.

I don’t remember anything because for me I was an infant and the world was a far different place than it is now.  We hadn’t even landed on the moon yet.

Looking back at 50 years of life, to say I do not have regrets would be a lie.  If you don’t, you really haven’t had to make tough decisions or faced difficult situations.  That said, regrets can either motivate you or cripple you.  For me they motivate me.

I suppose the temptation at this point is to slow down and take it easy.  I really have no such desire. The concept of sitting back and retiring still in my mind is far away. I really don’t see myself playing golf, sitting on beach or any such thing.  Rather, I see myself pumping iron, taking a long hike and advancing a new career and moving forward with my life.  I imagine the words I will rebel to most are – ‘Slow down, take it easy or act your age.”  What does that all mean anyway?

See the source image

Nope, I figure I would rather die doing something than nothing. I can think of nothing worse than dying in bed. I know the grim reaper is going to get me some day, but I plan on facing her bravely and cracking a sarcastic joke as she touches me. Slowing down and taking it easy is not something I think I will do very well, unless it involves books.

As for acting my age, I figure at 50 I should be able to define what acting my age is. It isn’t up to anybody else but me what that means; so to all the judgmental people out there who think the world fits nicely into categories they define for everyone else, fuck you and fuck that. I still plan on being a dirty old man toward my wife and pursuing the things I enjoy. At fifty, I have at least realized life is too short not to enjoy as much of it as you can get.  I haven’t grown up yet and now I don’t have too.

It is time to live life not fade out of it.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and the Wayfarer – Part 7 – Writing and Walking Through It

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

I know people are probably expecting a Crossing Bifrost post today but I have a couple pressing matters that I need to attend to and I am currently reading some books on Norse mythology that I want to get a little further in before I write my next post on it.

I also have been fighting The Grey pretty much all week. Part of the reason I am throwing myself into realigning my virtues with my goals and principles is that it really helps with this. I feel there is a key or keys in this process to dealing with The Grey; to a point where I can not only function with it, but actually feel some things without shutting down.

I have been asking a lot of motivation questions because what The Grey threatens and destroys the most often is my motivation.  The odd thing is that my motivation to write is the one that is often the least affected. The trigger this week is the time of year and it will be so until probably the end of summer.  Last year at this time, my ministry as a pastor and my marriage were both unraveling and there are a lot of painful memories associated with that right now.  I can confidently assert that the old notion of time healing all wounds is bullshit.  It can scar them over, but they still remain under the surface.

Writing has always helped with these times in that it gets me through them.  It is often the process of taking the next step in writing the blog article or project that is me taking the next step.  I write for me and I write to overcome my depression.

If a friend were to ask me what issues rise to the top, i would first say that it is not easy to talk about but then I would offer the following four things.

  1. I still deal with my change of faith. Or rather the discarding of Christianity and ministry for good. It is more than just a career change, it is a lifestyle and life course change, and it has been quite challenging emotionally and mentally.
  2. I deal with betrayal and loss.  Both of specific friendships and of the fact there is a group of people I lead as a shepherd for almost ten years than I still don’t feel comfortable in dealing with. Based on the letter I was sent, I feel judged and discarded still.
  3. I deal with memories of loving someone who I don’t know if they loved me at all in return.  It’s debatable if they were as they said “Just acting’, or if that statement was made to make the breakup easier for me and them.  Epic fail on the last one, it hurt like nothing I have felt in a long time.  I have a poem I am working on about this I think I NEED to write; but it is painful to write, so I don’t want to write it at the same time. I mean they seem to have moved on like nothing happened.  The memories for me are making that quite difficult, despite my best efforts to not think about all this by contrast.
  4. Then of course this whole thing brings up emotions regarding my treatment of my wife during this time which I now feel very guilty and ashamed about.

It’s why back in August of last year I wrote something that basically said I wished someone would rip my heart out and kill it.  These feelings are intense and difficult and I wish they would go away.  It makes my depression kick in as a defense mechanism so I don’t feel things. Feeling nothing being more preferred than these emotional memories.

I also deal with the fact that on March 18th I will be 50 years old. Half a century and I am fairly certain its these birthdays with zeros in the second digit that seem to challenge me the most. Another decade down, how many do I have left?  Where am I going now? What am I going to do? Who am I? How do I get where I want to be? When are these memories going to fade to the point where I don’t have to deal with them as much?

I wish I had more answers, but writing seems to help me keep going.  I write for me and I write to overcome.

Walking the Grey,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – Realigning Discipline

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

Discipline is a very interesting word as it defines a lot of different things. Mostly in this context it is doing the things that need to be done every day to achieve the goals you want to achieve. When coupled with perseverance, it is an unstoppable force to getting where you want to go.  I was recently browsing through Barnes and Noble in the business section and found that there were at least ten books on discipline and many others where discipline is a key element among a very few.

For me discipline expresses itself in routines and doing things when they need to be done. The issues for me; most of the time, are procrastination and The Grey.  In any case though the one thing that keeps me moving forward the most is discipline and both those opposing problems are overcome by discipline.

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

I don’t really have a problem with this virtue as it is written. In fact, it is one of the best definitions of discipline I know.

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Don’t really have a problem with the principle either. It has kept me thinking on the issue of connecting my life to discipline.  No the real issue is the goal and bucket list item. Both have to be self oriented and connected with discipline. I originally thought my weightlifting would be a good fit, but in truth while this can be hard at times, it is not the self-discipline I struggle with the most.  No, that belongs to Nutrition.  At the same item as I looked at the other goals and bucket list items, weightlifting does not fit anywhere else all that well. I realize the whole issue of health fits here as it is the most easily seen thing where discipline leads to results but at the same time.  The weightlifting, nutrition and walking all are part of this taking charge of my body and living healthy as possible. So which to choose.

This is the point in the realignment that I realized that a complete rewrite of some goals and bucket list items might be needed to make this realignment a reality. I also looked at my goals and bucket list items and realized some just straight up don’t work anywhere.  This is particularly true for the bucket list.  So what goal to set and what bucket list item to pursue? It also becomes clear at this point that may goals I have currently are not that SMART. Goals should also have a singular point not be multifaceted.  Simplicity here is key.

Goal: To follow A FULL Paleo Diet Plan from April 1, 2019 to March 31, 2020.

Nutrition is by far the most challenging thing for me and it is time I take in on full speed.  This gives me the rest of March to prepare.  I also can start to look at what items I can eat and drink.  Mostly, what I see is eliminating dairy and the other items in my diet that I need to purge. Coming up with Paleo alternatives is going to be the real challenge and I hope a fun one.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.

Smoke a Joint, Get Drunk, Visit a Nudist Resort. I haven’t decided yet. Something along those lines.  My tattoos are not on this list because they will be connected with Perseverance. The idea is to plan an act of rebellion and execute it. Live life a little as a reward for successful discipline.  Something undisciplined to counter all the discipline.

One other thing.  This realignment thing has pointed out that I can streamline the A Skald’s Life posts. I can do this by including the specific goal and bucket list item under each Virtue as well as the principle.  This would allow me to consider them together.  I will start this process next week.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

I think I have spoken enough on this today, but there will be changes to the routines that reflect all this.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

As I said my tattoos will probably be here as the Bucket List Item. The goal might have to involve exercise.  I do two things for this Walking and Weightlifting. How to couple these into one exercise program. Stretching fits in here too. Something that involves a complete exercise program is what I am thinking.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Still thinking on this one but it involves relationships so my marriage. family and friends come to mind.  Mostly though I think both the goal and bucket list will be about my wife and I.  It may involve family and friends but it is going to focus on the two of us. I have some ideas but I will keep them to myself for now.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom: 

The wisdom of all this realignment is centered on two principles – minimalism and simplicity. The goal is a more streamlined system of working the virtues out in my life that is simple.  So the effort required is much less. I want o achieve my goals as efficiently as possible and that involves making the pursuit less time-consuming and yet remaining effective.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week
  4. Writing – 4 times a week
  5. Cheat Meal Count – Currently 2

The decision to go full Paleo Diet and next weeks exercise changes will involve some rewriting of the routine here.  I am hoping it will make these things more likely to get done.

Evening Routine:

  1. Take supplements and medications.
  2. Brush and Floss Teeth
  3. Out the Door Preparation
  4. Reading – 15 min.
  5. Go to Bed

Still need an effective trigger here. But also look at the idea of beating diabetes so the first one just says supplements.

Nutrition:

Full Paleo by April 1st.  Means doing some homework and dumping some things from my diet. I still think a cheat meal once a week is a good idea. Keeps you from going completely bonkers with cravings.

Weekly Recap:

The weekly recap is going to change because I think I can divide what I normally do here among the three A Skald’s Life posts as well. But a weekly recap is still needed on Friday but it might be where I keep my Goal and Bucket list Counts as well as have a more general feelings about the week and what needs work.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Of Wolves and Ravens – Virtue: Moving Higher

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Discussion:

Having finished the Nine Noble Virtues it is time to flip the subjects for Of Wolves and Ravens to the flip side.  So for the next nine weeks the subjects will be more Side B

  1. Eastern Philosophy
  2. Western Philosophy
  3. Love
  4. Minimalism
  5. Economics
  6. Justice
  7. Political Science
  8. Libertarianism
  9. Wisdom

These are either the Higher Virtues or other philosophical elements that guide my thinking. Subjects where my philosophy is more real and concretely applied to the real world of my life.

Today, however, we return to the general subject of virtue. Mostly the rationale behind pursuing virtue as opposed to Religion as a way of moving higher.  I suppose it comes back to the Marcus Aurelius quote I keep using.

See the source image

My main issue these days is to live a good life and so following good virtues is the path to that.  The Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) of Asatru are good ones to follow and no matter what your religion or faith, I don’t think you could fault them.  Virtue is a Human trait and if anything is responsible for the good in the world it is when people take their human capacity and guide it by good virtues.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

Needs (Geri):

At this point things will get a little more personal.  After departing from my Christian faith, I knew I would need something to guide my life philosophy. I think that is one of the problems of struggling with faith.  You hold your principles from that faith, but the basis for doing so is missing. I needed to figure out what that basis was and how I could hold a system of philosophy to guide myself and my character without having faith in a religion.  Virtue is an old discussion in philosophy and one that has always had a lot of merit to me. So I found that the need for a system of virtue was very much justified.

Wants (Freki):

I also wanted virtue.  One of the things that you get accused of when you leave the faith is somehow you are now lesser of a person.  It is never said but it is there.  Your ‘lost’, ‘going to follow your sinful nature now’, you are not as ‘good’ in the eyes of the people of the faith you left. Part of my embracing virtue is I want to show how bankrupt a notion it is to believe you need to follow a certain religion or faith to be a good person.  That you can be a better person morally without faith or religion is a hard concept for people to accept for some reason.  I want to prove that it can be done.

Reason (Huginn):

The rational reason for following virtue for me is that it upholds my thoughts that a person can actually use religion for evil while calling themselves good.  After all they are just following their authority of their holy book or holy man.  Even if that action causes harm to others, in religion it is still justified because you were doing what your authority told you.

I can’t do that following my philosophy of virtue.  Virtue demands that an action must also cause no harm to others whenever possible.  It recognizes that appeal to authority is not a rational act but a logical fallacy.  Therefore to just follow authority blindly is not virtuous, rather quite the opposite.

Wisdom (Muninn):

I feel that no matter what the twists and turns of my life are now, that the NNV allows me to navigate each fork and crossroad with wisdom.  I am not letting some blind guide pull me along.  Rather my eyes are open and I makes sure each life decision is guided by principle and virtue.  I do take into account what is best for me, but I also no longer think that shows a lack of wisdom but rather it demonstrates wisdom.

Conclusion:

On May 28th, 2018 I was no longer a pastor or a Christian officially. I even have a letter from my former church that fired me retroactively to May 27th to prove it. I keep that letter because there is a line in it that motivates me. From time to time I pull it out and read it:

“This decision was based on the fact that you no longer have the character, ability or right to be the shepherd of any flock”

Well, I plan on making them eat those judgmental and arrogant words and I plan on doing it by living a better life than I ever had as a Christian.  I plan on doing that by following virtue.  By so doing, I will move higher than I ever have before. I don’t see my leaving the flawed hypocritical virtues of Christianity to follow the NNV as a step downward, but rather a step upward. Time the pierce the sky and live a good life.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Book of Rabyd 1:5 – ‘Everyone Has the Right to Property’

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sun’s Day

Text:

“Everyone Has the Right to Property” – The Book of Rabyd 1:5

Thoughts and Exposition:

This is a new verse for the Book of Rabyd.  Most people don’t realize that the original Declaration of Independence had originally ‘life. liberty and property’.  Later editing changed it to the pursuit of happiness.  But the idea of the inherent right to property to anyone who owns it is something that has not always been recognized in history.  That changed with the Founding fathers as the notion of people having a right to translate their right to pursue their happiness.  As Ayn Rand wisely pointed out this means the right to property.

I would argue that this right is what defends the others as well.  Your Life. liberty and Pursuit of Happiness are yours and now one should be allowed to take them away from you.  This means you also have the right to defend what is yours.  But ownership of property being a right extends to all things that are yours.  The most important of which is ownership of self.  Self-ownership means to take responsibility for yourself and your own destiny instead of leaving in the hands of others.  You need to exercise your right to own private property to do this.

I often wonder if those who try to attack this right realize that what they are doing allows people to basically take away all the others. If my life is not mine, if my liberty is only granted and can be taken away, if my pursuit of happiness requires that someone else give it to me, then they are not rights but privileges.  The right to property is what brings in this concept of ownership of not only my stuff but my rights.

To think otherwise is to have the mentality of the thief and the societal leach. I make no apologies for saying this.  I people have the notion that other people don’t have a right to property, then they are perfectly OK with the notion that such property can be taken away. They also have no problem when people have their property taken from hem through taxation so they can be supported.  In short they envision people can think and work but the results in part belong to them even though they have done nothing to earn them. This justifies their stealing it or letting others do it for them.

See the source image

So we turn again to abortion.  The seeming conflict is that the woman has her right to liberty and pursuit what will make her happy.  The notion being that the fetus is her body and she owns it so she can dispose of it as she sees fit. The opposite side of the coin is that the child has he right to live and pursuit its happiness by living. The real issue is it possible for one person to really own another and I would say that there is some inherent ownership of ones’ self in such a right to property.

For me the question of abortion has long been a sticky one.  As a Christian I had pretty clear guidelines, but it was still troubling at times.  Mostly because reality is that natural abortion happens all the time and with far more frequency than people think.  Most are never known to even exist.

Post-Christian, the issues now falls to whether the fetus is a person.  If not, the nit has no right to ownership of self and all the other rights that go with that.  If yes, then he/she does and they have those rights. I am not sure I can answer the question definitively at this point but I still maintain that liberty and life are important in equal measure.  I hope the choice is life, because I consider abortion a waste of human potential, if nothing else.

The real question for me is should the state be allowed to interfere?  Once again we are still left to determining when a person becomes a person and the answer seems clear. Given all our rights and the notion of self-ownership, if the fetus can be proven to be a person then the answer is yes, but if not we still find ourselves in a controversy.  It seems with all the advances in science, we should be able to determine this. Then the right to property with its concept of self-ownership kicks in.  This still doesn’t give us a clear answer but we have two more principles left so we shall see.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Crossing Bifrost – Gods and Goddesses – Freya: Goddess of Love

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

I know a lot so scholars point out the massive similarities between Frigg and Freya, but as someone who can see why certain things would change.  There are some personality differences in my opinion and I doubt Loki would have challenged the wife of Odin and basically call her a slut without some real proof out of fear the Odin would take it out on him.  Oor is Freya’s listed husband it is said she cries tears over his absence and the similarity to Odin makes people think that maybe Freya and Frigg are the same goddess with different names,

I would point out however that while Freya is a mother, her motherly attributes are subordinated whereas Frigg’s stories seem to have her motherly aspect front and center, particularly for Balder her son.   The fact is that the two goddesses are also said to have different children and their encounters with the other gods and goddess are distinct in the stories. Frigg is Aesir and Freya is Vanir along with her brother Frey.  The only evidence that seems to suggest they are the same goddess is the similarity in their husband’s names and those husband having a tendency to wander.  Sorry in all other aspects they are pretty distinct and different.

See the source image

Freya is the goddess of love, fertility, beauty, and fine possessions.  The Greek goddess Aphrodite might be a good comparison except Freya has very Norse qualities. Most notably she will suit up for battle when necessary.  She also presides over the realm of Folkvang, one of the realms of the dead. Freya’s duty is to pick half the slain in battle to dwell here while Odin gets the other half.  There is no criteria it seems for who get to go where, just her choice.  This makes her one of the Valkyrie.

Some scholars call Freya, the party girl of the Norse gods. Loki basically accuses her of sleeping with every god and every elf including her own brother.  Her defense is not denial but that it is not considered a taboo for a woman who is married to not take a lover when she wants to, just like the men. There is really no denial. In short Freya is the kind of girl a guy likes when he is single. Her attachment to the forces of fertility, love and beauty draws her into the realm of passionate sex. The image you can see is a girl who can drink, play and fuck all night long.

See the source image

The one other quality she has is that she is the very definition of a person who practices the magical school of Seidr or the magic of fate. She can see the future through prophecy and can pronounce curses or blessings that stick.  It is she, when the Vanir-Aesir War ended, that brought this magic to the gods and taught it to them including Odin. It is probably a significant thing this happened; as from then on, Odin and all the gods are focused on altering the future fate of their realm.  It drives them and their actions and the whole concept of Ragnarök becomes center stage.

In popular culture, Freya does not appear very much.  Except it is she who were probably conceptualize that the Valkyrie the most.  That sexy, scantily clad warrior goddess is something her image probably brings to us. She appears once in Marvel’s Thor the comic book in 1993.  She is merely a supporting character. She is much more than that in the mythology.  She probably has had many appearances in video games as far as image and character than anything else.

See the source image

Freya speaks to us of prosperity, knowledge and abundance and all the pleasures thereof.  She is connected to cats and fairies. Her sphere is love, lovemaking and pleasure.  But she also is one of the goddesses that can see the fate of men and chooses the slain of sword for her realm and Odin’s Valhalla.  A prophetess who sees the future and says – “It’s not going to end well; everyone dies, so let’s party while we have the time to party.

In my own series The Grey Wayfarer, it is why I chose to separate her from Frigg.  She will give me a goddess character to counter the more motherly Frigg. She is the woman who will be the good ‘naughty girl’ who tempts my protagonist. But in the end will also see his fate and weep as much over him as her lost husband.

See the source image

I find Freya to be a great character and one that is distinct and full of potential. There are two very interesting sides to her; as well as a bunch of nuances, that make her a very fleshed out goddess.  Definitely underused in popular culture by her proper name, but her image inspires a lot of characters of fiction and lore.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Odin’s Eye – Return to My Theological Objections to Christianity – No Takers

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Thor’s Day

Discussion:

I don’t know, when it comes to my four theological objections to Christianity, I feel like the god Heimdall guarding the Bifrost Bridge.  Most of the time I seem to be just standing there waiting for something to happen and nothing does. I am not really looking for a fight but I think I have laid it out there what I feel are the four major problems with the Christian theology are and why they basically make it so the whole thing is just another man-made attempt to understand god that is flawed and failed. The result has been crickets.

Simple Restatement of my Four Theological Objections to Christianity:

  1. The Bible’s Inspiration by God – it is not proven, nor can it ever be.  It seems highly unlikely that the Bible is the product of a supreme being but rather the product of men. It’s divine inspiration is asserted but never proven.
  2. Sin is an Imaginary Man-Made Problem –   Like the Bible being inspired, Mankind being sinners and certain behaviors being sinful is asserted but never proven.
  3. The Cross and the Empty Tomb – an imaginary solution to an imaginary problem.  I would also say that such a solution with its suffering and death seems sadistic and unloving.  Not the product of a supreme being.
  4. The Justice of the Biblical God is Very Suspect – The scale of justice for the god of the Bible is very unbalanced when you rationally consider some of his actions in the Bible and the doctrines concerning hell and final punishment.

When I first laid these out last summer I did get some feed back, but it was clearly half-hearted and I answered the questions and objections they had to the point apparently that they had no response. This lack of response is not surprising, when I was a Christian I would read Christian apologists looking for answers to these very questions and they really had nothing.  The problem with the apologist is no matter how they try, they assume that the Bible is inspired, sin is real, redemption is real and god is just.  They don’t really see the need to address these issues because most of them are not really listening to those that object to Christianity.  They listen only to pick the battles they can easily win when they see objections to their faith, they tend to ignore the ones that are more difficult.

Time to Look Through the Eye:

Faith:

I refuse to return to having faith in Christianity, if those that practice it cannot provide sufficient evidence that the Bible is inspired, that sin is objectively real and that the solution the god of the Bible has for it is both rational and just. As much as I know Norse mythology is mythology, I actually find it easier now to believe that its’ view of the universe and the gods and goddesses solution to life and living is more in line with reality than Christianity until that happens. I have faith in myself, my family and the creator’s design.  Anything beyond that requires proof.

Religion:

It speaks to Christianity’s failure as a religion when it sees someone walk away from the faith and it comes up with doctrines and apologetics that basically shrug its shoulders and say ‘that is just the way it is’.  Calvinism is notorious for this fatalistic bullshit, but the fact that other branches of the Christian faith have this – ‘well, there is nothing I can do.” on the face of something that should have a response.  Well, then you have just shown to me that perhaps your religion, that you say should lead you to compassion for the lost, is also complete bullshit.

Theology:

Theologically speaking the subjects of special revelation, salvation, god’s nature and final punishment seem to be central to the Christian faith. If no good answer can come when it is proven these are inconsistent and quite frankly paint a picture of a god as 1) a sadistic torturer of his own son when He could have simply forgiven us, and 2) an unjust god who takes our whole lives and destroys them, torturing us forever,  simply because he is like a political snowflake who gets offended because we did something he doesn’t like. Perhaps he should develop some emotional maturity and realize he created man and he knew what he was capable of, so why get upset about it? Maybe should forgive them the same way you expect them to forgive each other – without condition. Or perhaps we should just conclude that the god of the bible is flawed and inconsistent because he is the product of the flawed and inconsistent thoughts and feelings of the men who wrote the Bible.

Spirituality:

The real kicker for me right now, is that I fell more alive spiritually speaking than I ever did when I was a Christian.  This break away has freed me from the shackles of religion and guilt and I don’t think I can recommend something more highly if you want joy and peace.  No more of the constant “You are not good enough.” No more of the psychological abuse of telling people they are garbage and God hates them until they turn to him. No more of using religion to manipulate the behavior of people, excluding myself from certain people, and justify interfering in people’s lives.  Shit, I feel like I actually have found spiritually what I was looking for all along.  The Freedom that comes from being liberated from religious shackles and nonsense.

Conclusion:

My problems these days are far more practical.  Spiritually, I am free.  Believe that or not.  My issues of struggle are family, relationships, career, life and enjoying the world.  The constant struggle of wrestling with this imaginary thing called sin, which was nothing more than me being taught to loathe and hate parts of myself, is gone.  I don’t struggle trying to destroy part of myself anymore.  I embrace it and seek to use that part of myself to make me stronger. My needs and wants are not sinful, they just are.  They are part of who I am and I accept that. I embrace them not as enemies but as allies.

In the meantime, my objections remain. And I wait.

Continuing to Walk the Path,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues – Spiritual Alignment

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Wooden’s (Odin’s) Day

Journal Entry:

I have been meditating on this subject of alignment.  To be clear I am talking about the idea that if things are lined up so they are in their correct positions for the purpose of having things be smoother. If your forcing things in your life, it might be because they are not aligned with who you are or your purposes.

In my case in particular, I feel that the goals I have and my bucket list in particular, don’t completely line up with the Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and their principles. Even the principles might need some work in this regard.  My main focus here is to first get the principles to line up with the virtue better.  Then I want my nine goals to each reflect one virtue strongly and then a bucket list item should line up with the virtue as well.  The idea being that everything runs smoothly from one thing to the other, instead of being disjointed and out of sync.  The virtue leads to the principle, the principle supports the goal and the goal leads to a lifetime achievement known more commonly as a bucket list item.

Of course the challenge of this is reflected in the below meme.

See the source image

I consider this a real spiritual thing – does it resonate, line up and feel right.  I feel the time has come in my life to make sure all things line up and harmonize better with each other. This next month of working through this process will be designed to help me work closer to that place of balance, being centered and alignment.

Self-Reliance:

“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”

Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.

This week I will use the three business virtues to illustrate my point.

I like the virtue as it is written so there is no problem there. The principle seems incomplete because it doesn’t really reflect the later part of the virtue about family, clan, tribe and nation. The principle seems very focused on the individual side for me but needs revision to make it reflect the other aspects of the virtue.

The goal that would be attached to this,at least as I see it initially is – find the new, better paying job as it secures my self-reliance a little better. The Bucket List Item – This is where I have a problem of not wanting to force anything here.  To align things properly with that, I might have to revise the bucket list.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.

The principle here has no idea of efficiency.  It needs to be worked in somehow.  Goal might be Finish my internship and then with that done a new goal could be added.  The Bucket list item could be the cruise with Budapest as the final destination.   A final reward for working hard for both me and my wife.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.

I actually think the virtue and principle are fine here.  The budget goal is the tool for prosperity as a goal which leads to being more hospitable. The Bucket list item?  Good question.  Learning a language? Hard to say.  Probably another cause for revision of the bucket list.

Higher Virtue – Justice:

No revision here.  I think the concept of alignment fits the idea of justice very well because when things are natural and unforced, relationships work better and the right decision seems much more self apparent.

 Daily Routine:

  1. Communication / Cuddle Time
  2. Blogging
  3. Reading / Study – Half-hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
  4. Clear In Box/ To Do List
  5. Financial Transaction Input
  6. Carb Count – currently two.

This is probably the routine that gets done the most just under my morning routine.  A few things here and there.  During my time of off script, I would say the financial transaction, carb count and in box stuff dropped off the most. Just proves they are activities that still need work and more discipline.

Goals: 

  1. Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship.
  3. Find a new, better paying job by the end of March 2019 or before.
  4. In 2019 have  a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
  5. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  6. Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
  7. Follow Paleo Diet completely and use intermittent fasting until the end of 2019
  8. Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)
  9. Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.

As you may have guessed. going to revise this and line them up with virtues and principles.  I also want to make them SMARTer.  More on that on Freya’s Day.

Goals achieved since Summer 2018: 1

Budgeting: 

  1. Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
  2. Debt Snowball
  3. Fully funded Emergency fund
  4. Invest 15% of income into retirement
  5. Pay off Home Early
  6. Build Wealth and Give

Tax time presents us with the opportunity to get number one done.  Then it will  be time to tackle the debt.  The new job might be something that can charge this process so I keep searching.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Of Wolves and Ravens – Fidelity – Noble Vulnerability

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Discussion:

I always approach the subject of fidelity with a little trepidation. One the one hand, I have not been the most loyal of husbands in the very recent past.  Having an affair kind of undercuts your credibility when it comes to lecturing anyone on the subject of fidelity.  On the flip side, while I don’t recommend doing it this way, the lessons about fidelity I have learned from others and myself during that time were quite profound. So no lecture from me.  I don’t have the moral authority here to tell you how to be loyal and show fidelity, but I do have a testimony here of some of the things I observed and learned that might help someone.  That is if you are willing to listen before the shit hits the fan for you.

Before I begin though I want to share something my wife sent me on Sunday.  When I saw this I told her thank you and that I loved her.  What she couldn’t see, because it was sent via Messenger was the tears rolling down my face. I have no idea how she loves me so much.  I just do not get it.  She is the best example of fidelity I know.

I suppose that is the first observation I can make.  That just because you are in the midst of being disloyal to someone, it doesn’t mean that they will automatically switch to being disloyal to you.  That is the high road if you ask me.  It is a rare person who can maintain fidelity to you while you are walking away from them.  When you discover this, it can be a soul wrenching moment. I don’t recommend testing people’s loyalty to you this way, but it is very revealing who really loves you and continues to love you even when you are not being the most loyal person yourself.

I also can share the tale of two friends.  I had two friends I would have considered very close at the time. Now, I want people to understand that as disloyal as I was to my wife at the time, I had this thing about loyalty to my friends and family that was still very strong. It was my marriage that was a problem to me at the time as well as my faith, but I would have marched through hell for my friends and family.

Not all the other relationships were problematic to me. I was actually depending on them to kind of get me through the crisis I was having at the time.  One friend proved that his lifelong fidelity was true. He stuck by me, confronted me and loved me no matter what.  He even kept a few secrets, although I knew he wanted to say something.  I will give the man this, loyalty, that is fidelity runs through his veins like blood.  He still remains my truest friend and for that I will be forever grateful.

The other who was a friend for almost a decade. He, on the other hand, deliberately set me up to look like I was trying to hide the affair to my congregation, and then came out and told the story himself to pass himself off as the ‘noble hero’.  You find out who your real friends are in crisis moments and I never saw that one coming.  I trusted him and that ended that day. I discovered very quickly that this person’s definition of friendship includes in his loyalty clause – “only if you agree with me and are useful to me.”  He threw our relationship away as easily as tossing a piece of paper into the trash.

This was because I had become a liability to him and I was no longer useful to him. He not only abandoned me, but he had to kick me when I was down in his self-righteous sanctimonious arrogance.  I will never trust him again.  Even my wife, who had the greatest reason to do so, didn’t try to destroy me when I was walking away and hurting.  This man did. He has nothing but my contempt now and anyone who trusts his friendship or loyalty is a fool.

My tale of two friends demonstrates fidelity in one and its lack in the other. In the end the first friend helped me see the light and the other just has contributed to my darkness.  When you see a friend struggling, even with their own loyalty to someone, you don’t demonstrate fidelity and help them by being a disloyal prick yourself.

I suppose I have to say one other thing.  Fidelity isn’t as black and white as people like to make it out to be.  Sometimes you don’t know who to be loyal to at all.  Sometimes you have to be loyal to a couple of people who are having problems with each other.  There is a world of mines in this minefield you have to tiptoe around. Relationships can be toxic or one-sided. That is because I have also learned that fidelity is the strongest thing in the world when it is right.  It is also the most fragile and explosive thing when it goes wrong.  Handle with care.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

Needs (Geri):

I have come to understand how much I need loyalty in my life. Not just people to be loyal to me but how being loyal makes me a better person.  Oddly enough, I have been loyal to some of the people, even the above unfaithful friend, since all this happened. There is a professionalism to the ministry I maintain out of loyalty and respect for helping others and for people’s privacy.  So I have a lot of confidences that were entrusted to me, that I still keep.  I know a lot of things that could be damaging to others, but I keep them to myself out of fidelity.  I refuse to be the same person my other friend was, that just because these relationships may have philosophical differences with me, or no longer have any use, I will not be a disloyal prick and reveal those secrets to damage people.

Wants (Freki):

If I want anything right now, it is to strengthen my own loyalty to those who have proven loyal to me. I don’t know any other way to demonstrate my appreciation and respect for these people than to do this.  I want a small group of friends that fidelity is strong both ways.  I think I have a few. But I need a few more.  I also want to get over the fear of making new friends, as new relationships cause me a little of the ‘who can a trust’ syndrome based on past experience. I want to get over that while remembering not everyone who says they are your friend is one, they only prove that with actions not words.

Reason (Huginn):

When I think about this rationally, Loyalty is difficult to intellectualize.  It is much more something soul felt than rationalized. At the same time, I can see rationally that without it I won’t go forward.  I just wont.

Wisdom (Muninn):

If experience teaches wisdom, then this last year is has a taught me the wisdom of fidelity. I can’t even put to words all the things I have learned.  I guess I can say this mostly though.  If you’re having a problem in your relationship with your significant other, the place you need to talk about it is with the other person. I also understand there are problems of pain and depression that keep you from doing this at times, so you have my empathy if you can’t.  I get it.  But if you can find a way, do it.  It is far better to mend the fence than have to build a new one. Fidelity demands that.

Conclusion:

I know I have little in the way of strength here at times.  I am gaining new understandings of this virtue known as fidelity all the time.  I really don’t see it as my weakest area and even last year going though my marriage issues, I still maintained fidelity with friends, family and others despite the fact it was strained in a couple of areas. One of those areas was my marriage and it is very much on the mend.  The other was my faith and like my friend who betrayed me, I think I will say that this separation in relationship will be permanent. The real struggle now is to keep searching and walking to find the truth when it comes to faith and spirituality.  But that is what this while blog is about.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Reworking the Script

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

I have spent from February 22nd to March 2nd off script.  What that means is I didn’t use my paper journal to keep track of things or remind myself of the things I need to do each day and for the week. I did it on purpose, knowing I would come off of it on March 3rd.  The purpose was to see what is habit in my life,what needs work and what things would simply not get done without the script. I have done this several times in my life and I find the truest test if something has become a habit, is that you don’t need a reminder to do it.

The ultimate purpose is to look at everything and then rework the script in such a way as to be more effective and efficient in achieving my goals.  To find the weaknesses and use my discovered strengths to achieve them.  To find ways, to get more things done with less time.  Mostly though it is a test of character to see how much laziness and procrastination needs to be overcome.

March is my birthday month and in our family we tend to kind of get excited about all the birthdays that month and we have three in the immediate family (My granddaughter, myself and my mother).  There is also the concept of the birthday week where people can up to the time of a person’s birthday for a week and do whatever to let them know how much they are loved and celebrate it. It is not uncommon for their to be more than one party especially for the kids. Then of course there is the birthday itself. The person in my mind basically gets to do what they want (within reason as you are still not allowed to be an asshole or bitch) and gets to enjoy what they enjoy that day.

For me this is a particularity interesting month and my birthday will be number 50.  I always have a little harder time with those birthdays where there is a zero on the end of double digits. This affects my reworking the script in the sense that I have this feeling of change and direction shift that needs to be addressed. So this entire month is reevaluation of Goals, Bucket List, Principles, Routines and Life in general.  I do this regularly, but this Month of March 2019 seems particularly like a critical moment in time for me. It is time to revise and refine the script of my life and make it work better.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

One of the things I will be revising is each principle following each virtue.  I will at least be reconsidering it.  I created all these principle in haste out of necessity, and I think they deserve some real contemplative time.   Some of them are going to stay the same, but I want to be open to changing them.  I want to be open to the notion of realigning everything so it is more efficient.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Change is always difficult, but also if there is one constant to the universe, it is that it is constantly changing.  Wisdom says it is wise to change and adapt to it. Courage is needed to do so.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

This is one virtue and principle that don’t seem to line up as well as they could.  The problem with this one is to keep the principle short and to the point while at the same time encapsulating the essence of the virtue.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I have thought about giving principles to these higher virtues but I think I reject that notion because I think Love, Justice and wisdom are far to deep concepts to define them to that point.  I just want to sit down when I write these journal posts withe the single word in my mind and then write.  All of them are multifaceted gems and so trying to sharpen them I feel would make them less than what they are.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals and Bucket List
  3. Meditation
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  6. Get Dressed for the Day

I really don’t see the need to change this routine.  It works and it is the most consistent I have. ‘If it ain’t broke don’t fix it’, was one of my father’s favorite sayings.  The Morning Routine definitely fits that very well.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.

This concept of realignment is coming up often in my thoughts.  The Bucket list is one of those things that might see a realignment.  What I mean by this is that each Virtue will have a principle, a goal and a bucket list item that are all aligned.  That all follow the same theme as the virtue. That way I don’t have goals and bucket list items that pull me off-center. Yes, this might be a cause to revise or change some of them, but I don’t have a problem with that, if things start coming off this list more often. If things work from virtue to principle to goal to bucket list, that is efficient and kind of the point of the whole thing in the first place.

Weightlifting:

Weightlifting is a powerful desire right now and I know that I need to either get a new job where a gym is a possibility, or start working on some home equipment I can actually store in my apartment. I just need to find a way to prevent going soft until things get better.  I also think part of my anger issues these days is caused by the fact I have no real outlet for that energy.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!