Happy Moon’s Day.
Right now as I write this post it is June 9th, 2019. I am sitting in my hotel room at 3 am and my wife is sleeping nearby. My wife is still with me and that is the greatest cause for me to be happy at this point. Tomorrow this post will drop and it will be our 30th anniversary. Three decades together is a pretty impressive milestone these days and I suppose that should be the topic of my thoughts but rather it is the fact that this is the anniversary that almost wasn’t.
On our 29th anniversary, my wife and I were separated. At the time I was sick of our marriage and the cold deadness of it. I didn’t hate my wife, I just didn’t want to be married to her anymore. My love for her had completely dried up. The results of keeping a lot of thought to myself and her own admitted lack of respect for me. That leads to a dead marriage where you live together and can even have sex, but the relationship sucks overall. I mark this date because I waited until the 11th to file for divorce.
At the time I was in love with someone else. Some people don’t want to think it was genuine but the truth that needs to be faced is at least on my side. This dead marriage I was in had left me vulnerable and open to anyone who showed me some sort of concern or respect and Miss Salty stepped in. Fast forward a couple months and that relationship was over and I was hurt very badly. I contacted my wife after a couple weeks of being miserable.
Oddly enough she didn’t react like I think most women would have, she listened. Over the next week, a lot happened but the short story was we reconciled and I canceled the divorce. It was only three days from our hearing. On that day, we weren’t in court and instead were in a hotel room much like now spending that day naked in each other’s arms instead.
For her, she never stopped loving me. She just had to realize that love isn’t enough to keep things going in a marriage and now I see a lot of changes in how she treats me because of it. It wasn’t the best way to learn this but she has done very well in a lot of respects. If she had approached it differently we would not be here.
For me, my love is much different toward her. I suppose it is reflected in my Foundational Virtues and so my love for her is not the old one – that dried up. It is new, based on a new understanding of what I value most.
This week’s journal posts, in general, will be a consideration of my virtues in my life regarding my marriage. If you want to know why my love for my wife is new and different and learn something from it, then keep reading. Not just today, but Woden’s Day and Frigg and Freya’s Day too.
“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”
Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.
Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
Part of honor is showing respect toward the honorable in your life when they demonstrate it. My wife is a very noble person in that respect. Despite all the hurt she looked past it and was open to hearing my side of why I wanted out. She didn’t react in anger toward me although I am sure she felt it. She gets my respect a lot more in this new love of mine because, in some aspects of character, she exceeds me by quite a bit.
“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”
Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.
Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st
Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
It took a lot of courage for us to both face reconciliation. But to bravely hope the best was her doing. In that respect, she had far more courage than I did. I wanted to walk and start over with someone else. It has been a lot of work and challenges for us. For her it is bravely facing the fact her husband is a different man in many respects. She is facing this very well.
“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”
Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others. To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.
Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020
Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.
It takes both sides to admit the truth that it is both their fault. Just yesterday, we had this conversation about a friend of ours and how when he had done much the same as I did, how no one was concerned about he felt. I can echo that feeling during my own struggles. If you are going to reconcile, the fact that the opposite number might have had an affair needs to be addressed for sure and there is no excuse for it, but there are reasons a person turns to someone else besides their spouse that relates to the relationship and why it fell apart. my wife faced the truth of this and if she hadn’t this would be a non-existent anniversary.
Higher Virtue: Love:
I guess Love is central but my definition of love is far different than my days a Christian – It is deeper and more realistic. Romance is fine but it comes and goes. Love that has some strength to it requires Honor, Courage and Truth.
- Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
- Meditation – 3 min.
- Check Communications and Email.
- Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
- Stretching / Yoga
- Breakfast, Medications, and Supplements.
- Shower and Personal Hygiene
- Get Dressed for the Day
No morning routine these next couple days. Other than to wake up next to my wife and do some serious naked cuddling and making love. This part of my life’s journey is one I want to enjoy.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.