I am becoming very certain that my primary identity being a writer is solid the more I think about it. Now the question of secondary identity or identities begins to present itself. It is a big question mark but it is made clearer by the simple fact I now can see it is something I do to make money and live not as my primary thing.
That, however, does not tell me what it should be but perhaps what I need to be is open to the possibilities instead of looking for certainty. Perhaps there is still this need to be meditatively open to what lies ahead and let things run their course as far as what I should be open to being seeing that this issue is not what compliments my writer career not the other way around. It means that certain things need to be in place.
I need time to write so the job I get must be not so time-consuming that I can’t write every day.
I need something that pays well so I am not eating beans and rice if writing does not go well. I have lived too long to not have plans B, C to the end of the alphabet.
It should be something that compliments writing if possible.
I don’t really want to write things down at this point as even possibilities. I don’t even want to brainstorm because I want to find this out by being open and meditating on it.
Now, I want to be clear that I will still be applying for jobs that I qualify for. The issue at this point is not trying to direct this thing and be open to whatever does present itself. That said being proactive means looking for job opportunities and applying for them. But this might open my horizons as to applying for more things I might not have thought of as possibilities. The issue now is to be open and available to any idea that will meet my criteria.
All that said, I still am meditating on Identity because Primary and Secondary aside, everything comes together in overall identity. I am one me.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
In the Last Rabyd Skald, I basically stated that I needed to probably do some meditations on who I am. It is a question I have not been avoiding but struggling with since my departure from my former role as minister and Christian. I would say the Chrisitan part being replaced by “Deistic Humanistic Pagan” has been pretty solid and that identity has not been hard to grab ahold of so much as the implications of that change are still something I am coming to terms with on a daily basis. The real problem is my role as minister being replaced by what?
For a while, I have had this idea of being a business person of some sort and being a writer on the side. It is a practical choice because money is a real thing that you need to live life. I also have to deal with the fact the ministry has left me broke and without any retirement to speak of, so there is a need to make some money to make up for that. But that is a rational decision and to be blunt only listens to one of my ravens – Reason. What about Wisdom? It also brings up the question of will my wolves be satisfied with such a role? Will I truly be getting what I need or want?
So my meditations have turned inward. What is the call of my heart and what is the course that is wisest as far as encompassing my whole being?
I have to give a shout out to a fellow blogger from the other side of the world (the internet is an amazing place isn’t it) who on my last post on this issue wrote that perhaps I should simply ask the universe and wait to see what happens. You can check her out at Myst Nokomis. I know I have found her observations interesting and at times inspiring. She is actually a blogger that I read regularly.
My conception of what she said in my mind is a little different but I get what she means and so I said to myself. “Perhaps it is time to just silence myself in meditation and listen.”
Oddly enough the first thought that struck me is one word “Writer”. Now the trick to being open in meditation is not to recoil at the thoughts that come to mind. I have often said I am a writer but I have always placed it secondary to what other things I am pursuing. The thought I had in that meditation session was that perhaps I have this backward. That ultimately I am a writer first and something else second to pay the bills. That what I should be focusing on is my writing and then focussing on an occupation that is complementary to that. Something that harmonizes with being a writer, not making my writing harmonize with something else. Writing becoming the melody of my life and what other things I do becoming harmony to use a musical analogy.
I think I might be on to something as this feeds my wolves and it seems a wiser course of action. It still has rationality to it, because if end up doing something I hate, I will not make progress in it. Writing has always been a love and something I do to express myself fully. People who meet me personally, never get the full story as I pull back into myself. I have trust issues born from painful experiences. When I write, that inhibition leaves. Like all INFJs it is my artistic/non-verbal way of expressing myself that is true.
The main issue then is to be about the business of being a writer and that involves a few things but most notably setting aside times to write above and beyond the blogging that are substantial Like at least an hour or two a day. I guess what I should start to get in my mind is writing on this blog is kind of my writing warm-up. Then its time to be working on some projects for publication.
I have long mentioned I am a big fan of the science fiction author Robert A. Heinlein. In the book Grumbles from the Grave, a letter where he answered the question of why he wrote is preserved. His three-fold answer was:
Make Money
Entertain Readers
Make People Think
As I have meditated on this over the years in think he had the right of it. The first priority of a writer is how to support himself and his family by writing, the other two are means to that because if no one likes what you write then they won’t buy it. If they buy what you write you won’t really be impactful unless you throw something in that makes people think, it leads to long-term success. This is the right priority, any other way is just high minded idealism that won’t amount to much in all three categories.
This change will require more meditation, but I think I am on the right path, it certain resonates with my wolves and ravens philosophy; better than some career, then a writing career as secondary. I think this needs to be switched and then I can look at my identity from the proper perspective.
Just a blog note to end things: there will be a post later today for my serial: Space Tramp, but I might be doing these meditation posts in place of journal posts this week. My identity has become an important issue and I want to make sure I get this right. So you might see two posts today, Odin’s Day and Frigg and Freya’s Day. One a post like this at 10 am and the other some fiction writing at 4 pm. At least for this week.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
These last two weeks have been interesting and challenging. I was in the doctor’s office on Thursday and as always a little anxious. I was there for my routine checkup and consultation. But as I waited I did some thinking. I have had the following experiences this last couple of weeks.
I have had more denials from potential employers in the last ten days than in a couple months previously. It’s like all the applications I filed came back with nulls.
At my current employer, I was passed over for a job and it was given to someone with no experience whatsoever.
I have had another bout with The Grey and while it was not severe. The cause was known, however.
I have had a doctor’s appointment and while a lot of the news was good, there was some news that reminded me I am getting older. And that sucks by the way.
The End of August marks one year that my wife and I have been back together after our separation last summer and that has lead to some very reflective moments about my marriage.
This post is about taking a few deep breaths and looking at each of these a little reflectively and spiritually.
Deep Breath.
I guess I have to say the whole job situation has caused me to look at the basic fact that I have not really discovered what my new identity is. It is in-process both practically and spiritually and so there is that. Mostly though the practical concerns will start to become forefront issues in the next couple of months I don’t find something better. For now, though my meditations center on who am I?
Deep Breath.
The decision at work at first angered me and then I just felt disrespected. It was like really, could have slapped all of us from the department any harder, especially those of us that work hard over here and have management experience? Then I took a breath, realized that this is not my place, I am in my heart looking to move on to something better, so I might as well get about it.
Deep Breath.
My bought with The Grey recently was brought about by a song played on the radio at work. It was my song to Miss Salty and it triggered the whole mess of feelings involved in that. One thing they never seem to mention about being empathic is that emotions experienced in certain situations stay and lay dormant until something triggers them and then there you are all over again. Which triggers a whole lot of meditation on the problem. My most recent meditations have led me to a question: What exactly is The Grey?
Depression? It involves depression but there is that switch that goes off to protect me from the sadness so I feel nothing. In that state, am I depressed or something else entirely? I think I might have had an introspective moment because of this that might lead to an awakening. I hope so.
Deep Breath.
I took a lot of those deep breaths before I met my new doctor. I just passed 50 so the protocol becomes: ‘You need this test done, you need to start this medication as a diabetic.’ I am like – what is this malevolent magic that took place where all this was unnecessary at age 49 and 364 days but one day later, a whole list of evil fairies have comes and makes you vulnerable to a whole new crops of shit. I hope my new doctor is a good salesman and explains things well, because if you don’t sell me – Yeah, fuck that shit.
The problem is that all my health indicators indicate I am healthier than I was last year, but somehow my medicines need to be increased and new treatments engaged for possible problems down the road. I hate American medicine, they either engage in damage control after the fact or their definition of preventative medicine is purely put more pills in your body. Not my thoughts on how to approach my health.
Deep Breath.
I don’t take too much for granted when it regards my marriage. Our reconciliation is in truth a work in progress. I simply acknowledge here that It still might not work, something I started when we first decided to go down this path to my family and something I remind myself of right now. I want it very much to work, don’t get me wrong. But I also acknowledge the struggle in my heart between how much do I have to give up as far as my personal happiness to stay married? I shouldn’t be looking at it that way should I, but I am, and that is very troubling to me.
My wife and I have very different values now. That is basically because I ‘fuck it’ to my former faith and she has not. What is important to me is very different than what is important to her. And it is growing more divided.
Our goals are very different and trying to find common ground either involves a lot of compromises or straight up, from my perspective, me giving up a lot of my goals entirely. I am growing weary of having to give up what I desire simply to make my family and friends happy, and that is exactly the state of mind I was in that caused me to walk away a year ago. Not good.
I now know what aspects of a relationship with a woman I am missing and still desire. It creates a longing in my heart that I cannot seem to shake.
Deep Breath.
I think it is time to look within. Discover who I am again and out of that might flow a lot of answers. It is time to awaken and to take that first breath of who I am now. It is time to find that person and become them.
Deep Breath.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods, goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.
We also don’t take an offering here. We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it. Let’s be honest, offerings are not given to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it. Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never sees a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.
Theme Song: Old High German: Wotan chant
This is actually a chant that is found on a site that teaches people about the German language and the translation is in the description. Wotan is another name for Odin.
Meditation:
To be truly spiritual and even a genuine person in general, one needs to recognize that each person’s question of who they are and what they should be doing is individual. The question is different for all of us and the riddle of life is answering the one we actually have, not the one everyone says we should have.
Text:
If you want more details about Asatru, I can’t recommend this book enough.
Sermon: “Odin – The All-Father”
Odin, Wotan, etc. He is known all across the Scandinavian and Germanic world by many names. A couple things are clear in all the stories and myths. 1) Odin is the chief deity and 2) He is very unlike the other supreme deities like Zeus and Jupiter in that he does not lord it over people or rule by decree. Rather, he takes on the problems himself and does what he needs to do to overcome them. He leads by example more than orders.
It is only natural that Asatru would embrace him. From a spiritual standpoint, his essence is summed up very well in the title ‘All-Father.” To the followers of Asatru, Odin is the speaker of the Havamál a collection of his wise sayings. He is the god most associated with words and language so it is no surprise that he has many names.
Paxton rightly points out there is a duality to Odin. One the one hand there is power, anger, war, and aggression on the other side there the god of magic, wisdom and spiritual deepness. On the one hand, you have the armored king on his throne with spear and crown. On the other hand, he is also the grey cloaked, broad-brimmed hat-wearing wanderer. There is an air of power and mystery to Odin as he is both warrior and mage.
His accomplishments in the mythology are large. 1) All-Father – creator of mankind. 2) He is king of the gods, but in practice, he seems to be more of a chairman of the board of gods. Each god or goddess being fiercely independent. 3) He trades his eye for wisdom and foresight. 4) He acquires the Mead of Poetry from giants. 5) He hangs from the world tree upside down for nine days to discover the knowledge of the runes. Odin, in short, has a bad-ass list of accomplishments in Norse Mythology. He is also the god who never turns his back on humanity or being a part of wandering among them.
These days, according to Paxton. heathens invoke prayers to Odin still, even if they serve other gods more fervently, they still pay respect to the All-Father. Most Odinsmen and Odinswomen are people who work with words. Paxton advises against, however, asking him for victory. He is, after all, a god that is even willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good. He expects the same from his followers and would have no problem leading one into defeat if it meant forstalling Ragnarok. He is a strong and powerful figure and is treated with respect by the followers of Asatru.
As I mentioned before, I don’t think one needs to actually believe in the Norse Gods as real to be a follower of Asatru. What you do have to respect is how their stories pull you back to your ancestors’ view of the world and what they valued. When it comes to the ideas they valued most in a leader, Odin is the perfect representation. He is strong, listens to the counsel of others, is willing to take the lead and sacrifice himself to get what he needs to be successful. When a battle comes, he leads from the front. He speaks little but acts boldly whether those actions are out in the open or clandestine. He has the long term in mind. The greater vision if you will.
You don’t have to do much more than come to my blog and see the title and the imagery I use for it, to know I place great value on what Odin represents. I would say my image of myself as a man has strong parallels with Odin. I work to be strong but also wise. I like to read and write mostly because it allows me to hear the counsel of others. If there is some greater good to be achieved, I will sacrifice myself, although I am trying to do that only when absolutely necessary. When battle comes I like to be out front not only leading but fighting along the sides of those I lead. I never forget where I come from. I prefer to remain quiet and let my actions speak for me. I tend to see the bigger picture and act accordingly. Odin is if anything a good example of leadership values and characteristics I try to emulate in my own life.
That of course and the image of the grey pilgrim who wanders but is not lost is the whole essence of the blog – The Grey Wayfarer.
Parting Thought:
I would say some stories I have seen are written in both. Sometimes blood is used as the ink too.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
This week hasn’t been too bad as far as The Grey. The most specific thing I have to watch is my relationships because I may be negatively affecting them without intending to do so. I have never had a problem focusing on work or going to work with the Grey. It just makes some of my relationship issues more difficult. In fact, work is often a welcome thing as it helps me move along through it.
Right now I have an itch I need to scratch and it involves boarding the ship and sailing somewhere else and starting over. Finding out what is over the horizon line is a big thing in my heart right now. What is the uncharted territory for me personally?
To be honest part of this is the excitement of starting over but a good part of it is the hatred I am starting to develop for where I am now. I hate not being able to trust anyone. Being reminded at every turn what I used to be and what I did is not a comfortable situation for me. I am no longer the cowering lamb but rather a raging wolf and I need to find a new pack and take the lead.
There are some problems with just picking up and leaving.
Family – kids and grandkids are nearby right now but we wouldn’t be the first family separated by a distance that made it work and technology is such that we can keep very much in touch.
My wife – I would be pulling her from her support system. The rest is between me and her. It is, however, the concern of mine I have the most.
Fear – yeah, tired of being afraid and not trying something new. Playing it safe has gotten me nowhere so far.
There are those advantages of starting over:
The chances I would run into someone I really would rather not run into diminishes significantly.
The opportunities become much greater and multifaceted. I can follow my heart.
Courage – Yeah, one of my virtues actually acted upon. Yeah, that works.
Where I want to go ha a warmer climate and a lot more people. That second part might seem like a downside to an introvert, but it means I can probably find a new crop of friends easier. The first part means more sunshine and that helps with The Grey.
O need a major change or I am going to have a repr=eat performance of last year. I don’t want that, so time to move on. Time to hit the uncharted territory and get on with my life.
What remains is figuring out how to do it. That, however, is just the details and the packing list for the hold so to speak. What matters to me is the vision I have of being in the bow of the ship, sword in hand and ready for something else to conquer.
This will be the only post today. I have other things to attend to today and I need some time to work ahead anyway. But noted more things are coming, especially if I feel better from all this Grey because I am moving.
I remain.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Tyr is the Norse God of War and Justice. I know it seems like an odd choice at first for discussing business but the main virtue and vision I have for my business life is the idea of justice. Justice is the central core of my business philosophy and my understanding of the noble virtues of Self_reliance, Industriousness, and Hospitality. Money is part of that but human relationships are the real nuts and bolts of the business. Money is just a medium of exchange in those relationships and it is not the only one.
Tyr’s story is one of courage as he was the only god willing to put his hand in the mouth of Fenrir when the gods were trying to bind him with their last-ditch attempt to contain Fenrir’ raw power and might. All the gods became afraid of Fenrir and what he could do and Odin’s vision that Fenrir would be his death drove Odin to find a way to stop Fenrir. So after several attempts they created a binding thread that was at last able to bind Fenrir but they had to convince him to put it on. Tyr convinced Fenrir to try to break the thread only after he put his own hand in Fenrir’s mouth as a way to get him to trust him. Fenrir was unable to break the thread so he bit off Tyr’s hand.
Tyr had been the only one not afraid of Fenrir and so he had played with Fenrir when he was small and onward. He had built a relationship with Fenrir. One might argue that he used it to trick him, but I am thinking given Tyr’s noble nature, he might have simply though Fenrir would simply break the chains of he wasn’t able to that Odin would release him. In the end, had Fenrir been released, by Fenrir’s own words, he would have been loyal to the gods. Because they had not, he committed himself to their destruction.
Self-Reliance:
“Self-Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual but also for the family, clan, tribe, and nation.”
Principle: To achieve and maintain personal independence and advocate for independence in my family, state and nation.
Goal: Find a new, better paying job by September 2019.
Bucket List: To own and run my own successful business or company by March 2029.
Tyr recognizes the need to sacrifice the moment for lasting peace and prosperity. He isn’t concerned with the short term in his relationships which leads to dependence. Rather he takes the initiative to bring about a solution that allows for continued peace for a time. In war, you do what is necessary and that is also sometimes true to avoid one. Tyr understands that independence needs to be maintained by self-sacrifice at times. You give up something to achieve something greater.
Industriousness:
“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”
Principle: Work with the enjoyment of work itself.
Goal:Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019 (achieved)
Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published by March 2022.
Tyr is also a god of disciplined fighting. He works hard to be the best warrior the can. He represents noble hard work to achieve mastery of something and that is also something to take inspiration from. Ding the daily drill of business and maintaining the relationships you need every day is something to pursue.
Hospitality:
“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”
Principle: To share out of my abundance to help people where I can with their life’s journey.
Goal: By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.
Bucket List: To own my own home by March 2024.
I think Tyr shows the fact that to be a god of justice, one needs to be generous at times. The dichotomy injustice, as far as business in life is concerned, is not righteousness and mercy but rather the balance between self-reliance and hospitality. Independence and compassion. These two threads are far easier to get to cooperate than the normal thing one thinks of when it regards justice. Tring to maintain freedom and graciousness is more easily achieved to me than balancing mercy and righteousness because in many cases you can’t do it with the later.
Higher Virtue – Justice:
Tyr is the God of Justice, Law, and War. He is someone to look at in the mythology but his role is very light in what survives. I think this is what gives him the appeal to me as a writer and someone who gives me some vision regarding justice. I can imagine him as being so just in maintaining people’s independence and being compassionate at the same time. That he was well loved and avoided a lot of unnecessary drama in his dealing with people. In this context, he gets a lot done in my mind.
Work Day Routine:
Morning Routine
Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
Weightlifting: Gym time – 1 hour after work.
Writing: One Hour on top of the blogging routine each day. Alternate between Non-Fiction Book and Novel.
Language Study: A half hour on Latin
Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, other actions, etc.
Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 2
The workday routine makes more sense to me these days. It gives me a lot of hope I can be more productive and it makes sense to put it here under business to talk about it. My philosophical viewpoint will be more apparent as the routine that moves it forward the most will be here as well.
Still walking,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Personal Vision is important. I can’t tell you the time I have wasted because at times I didn’t have one. This week is the last week of the quarter and the first full week of July begins the new one for me. So this week is the last week of adjustments before I start anew. My greatest concern is that all my goals line up with my personal vision for myself.
For this week I have chosen three of the Norse pantheon of gods to model my vision after. Odin for Foundation. Tyr for Business and Thor for Self. This is a way for me to visualize my own personal vision for myself. Each of these Gods dwells in realms that reflect my personal vision.
Today is Odin and the Foundational Virtues fo Honor, Courage and Truth.
Honor:
“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”
Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.
Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.
Odin personifies Honor to me because his view of honor is practical and personal. Odin isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty if necessary and he does not feel that undercuts his honor level one bit. In hsort, he doesn’t give a fuck about what people think about him but still acts honorably for his own sake. He simply seeks to do the necessary right thing and lives his life. if people dishonor him, that isn’t his problem until it actually causes him a problem directly. This is something I try to model.
Courage:
“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”
Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.
Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.
Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation March 2029.
Odin in my mind also has a practical view of Courage that I admire. He is taking on the big tasks to avoid or delay Ragnarok and knows he has to fight one of the larger enemies (Fenrir the Great Wolf) and he knows he is going to lose. Yet, despite this, he keeps seeking and wandering to find answers or perhaps an alternative. He doesn’t accept fate and that is one of the more courageous actions anyone can do.
Truth:
“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”
Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others. To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.
Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020
Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2021 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.
I have already mentioned it but the wanderer seeking knowledge, wisdom, and truth is much of my personal vision and very much a reflection of The Grey Wayfarer vision I have of myself. Odin is in many ways my inspiration for a lot of who I am these days. I am no god, but I am a person who seeks to find the truth and act on it. The Wanderer, Warrior, and Mage all rolled up in one image.
Higher Virtue: Love:
Of course, what motivates Odin is his love for others. You can’t be a good ruler and not love what you rule. Odin personifies this in that there are many times he could be building or protecting his power over others, but instead, he is out looking for truth and wisdom so he can help others instead. Love personified in some ways and a very practical love at that.
Morning Routine:
Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
Meditation – 3 min.
Check Communications and Email.
Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
Stretching / Yoga
Breakfast, Medications, and Supplements.
Shower and Personal Hygiene
Get Dressed for the Day
Ready to go here.
I remain.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
I am Wolf. It’s a way of looking at my identity that is more internal and resonates far more with me than many others. Wolves have that dual identity of being loyal but frightening to others. Wild and untamed but at the same the virtues of Discipline, Perseverance, and Fidelity reign supreme in the heart of any Wolf and Wolfpack. I suppose what I am going for with this identity is placing some understanding of having the soul of the wolf and not be alarmed by the truth of that for myself.
I suppose when you put it all together, I am a wandering warrior with the heart and soul of a wolf. If I was asked what I value in my soul it is freedom and liberty to roam, explore, search and follow my path. I no longer believe in the split nature of mankind or its sinfulness. Rather that we are individual beings that are human and none of that is inherently good or evil. Rather, I believe that our entire nature simply waits to be harnessed as we follow our needs and wants to be guided by our reason and experience.
Warrior, Wayfarer, and Wolf.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
Goal: To follow A FULL Paleo Diet Plan from April 1, 2019, to March 31, 2020.
Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.
I remember at work one woman telling me she wished more men were gentlemen and less were dogs. I told her that a gentleman is nothing more than a patient wolf. Still canine, not a dog but perhaps in other ways more primal and certainly more disciplined. The gentleman’s objectives are very wolflike, he just is more relentless and patient about it. He wants the best so he engages the virtue of discipline. He waits patiently engaging in the things that day by day bring him closer to his goals. Such a ‘gentleman’ is simply a relentless wolf. I seek to be such a wolf.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020
Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.
Wolves, of course, face defeat and failure. it doesn’t top them, they get up and go back at it. The only defeat or failure that ends their quest for what they want and needs id death. My nature has never been one to quit. So me and the wolf within keep getting up and keep going.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation
Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.
My pack is small but close. I do wish there were more members at times, but I take the ones I have and our bonds of loyalty grow stronger. Nothing is more important to the pack that fidelity. Those who break deserve nothing more or less than what I have done to others – to be shown my teeth because I do indeed bite.
Higher Virtue – Wisdom:
Wisdom is a tough call when it comes to being a wolf. Wolves that survive listen to the raven’s caw overhead. The learn from their mistakes and it allows them to become old wolves. They know what the need and want and use reason and wisdom to achieve them.
Weekly Routine:
Weightlifting/Stretching – Minimum 3 days per week.
Walking – Minimum 3 days a week
Job Search – Minimum 3 days a week
Cleaning – 3 days a week.
Writing – 3 times a week
Latin – 3 times per week
Cheat Meal Count: 3 per week.
This is the part that still needs a lot of work. A new week is coming soon so it is another opportunity to make the effort to get it all done.
Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):
Goals Achieved: 2
Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
Bucket List Items Achieved: 0
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
No Crossin Bifrost this week. I just don’t have the time for proper research. There however might be another Rogue Wizard this weekend.
If you ever had that moment where you are standing outside and you can see the edge of a storm coming in toward you, then you might have an idea of what I am feeling. It’s the storm known as The Grey and what is causing it is memories of the past, particularly from this time last year. I know it is coming and I know it is going to be tough. I also know it is probably unavoidable. The list of problems is already forming in my head.
My last sermon was May 27th, 2018 and I haven’t been in a church since May 28th, 2018. It a kind of bittersweet milestone. I miss my people at times but they also fired me after years of preaching love, grace, and forgiveness. Seems like my words were wasted. Twenty years of ministry is over and I am sure that some small amount of Grey will try to creep into my life over it because I feel largely it accomplished very little.
Last year my wife and I were separated from May 27th until August 19th. We called off our divorce pretty much with days to spare. This last year has been a time of counseling and work to get our relationship back on track. It has been good but we are both going to hit our 30th anniversary this year and remember that last year we were separated for it. We hopefully will use our mini-vacation to make some better memories for next year. One thing I am glad of is I won’t have to deal with an annual church even which caused us to miss our anniversary to stay and work at the church for many years on that day.
A good friend betrayed me last year and is no longer a friend. I suspected he wasn’t the most loyal of a person based on his track record with others; but still, I trusted him and he took advantage of that so he could come off the white knight riding to the rescue. Yeah, still burns me and I patiently wait for karma to bite his ass. That knife in my back through left a scar and I am sure it will flare up as we head through May and June.
Lost love. I deal with the pain of loss here as much as I wish I didn’t. Forgiveness has been easy on this one except for the one thing I have previously mentioned. It is just my nature to forgive those I have loved unless betrayal is involved. I don’t feel that way about this one, she had the decency to at least stab in the chest and look me in the face when she did it. I just feel I took a chance, rolled the dice and lost. Unfortunately, it was my heart the dice were being rolled for and it got hurt because of that loss. My new love for my wife is helping; but like all things, it takes time and I am sure it will never fully heal. It never does.
So what to do when you know you have a storm to walk through? Well, knowing it is coming helps so you can prepare. Resolving to walk on regardless is the simple act of a survivor. I know what the memories involved; know the emotions involved. I have dealt with them before. Knowing is half the battle as GI Joe used to say. The rest of the battle is actually having the courage to keep walking and to act when necessary.
Well, time to pull the collar up around my neck and my hat down. Time to make sure my robes and cloak are pulled tight around me. Have the wolves and ravens go ahead and scout the path. A storm is coming and I need to keep walking.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
It seems this proverb has a lot of origin stories but I can imagine every blacksmith probably drew this conclusion that each and every person smiths his own life. Life being raw iron that needs to be smithed in order to turn it into something that you want it to be. Who you are and what your life will become results from taking the raw materials of both and forging them into what you want. Being a smith is no easy task and having the life you want is not easy either.
Life tends to be like iron in this regard. Very little of it can be changed without discipline, perseverance, and fidelity. Particularly fidelity to one’s self. These are the tools that one forges one’s life from. This concept dominates my thinking at times as I try to build the life I want and these virtues along with the other six are tools that make this possible.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
Goal: To follow A FULL Paleo Diet Plan from April 1, 2019, to March 31, 2020.
Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.
To make a good sword, steel has to be folded over and over again. There is a repetition to most things in smithing that is about making something stronger, better or so it can be done by habit. This requires you to be hard on yourself first and then others around you second when appropriate. Right now I look at what I am trying to achieve both as far as goals and my bucket list and discipline myself through routines so that relentlessly I am working toward achieving them.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020
Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.
Every Smith screws up at some point. They have to go back and fix something or start over or keep doing something that is tedious to get where you want to be. Failure is never looked at as final defeat but rather a lesson learned and an opportunity to change and grow. That is the heart of perseverance.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation
Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.
I am struggling with this part – being loyal to myself. There are things I want in life yet and I need to make the commitment not to compromise on them. I tend to try to make others happy at times and at the expense of myself. Old habits I guess. These days though, I need to build myself again and recast myself in a different form. To do that I need to stay true to the vision I have for myself.
Higher Virtue – Wisdom:
Experience can breed wisdom or regret. The choice is yours. I choose to learn and grow and look for something better. Wisdom is a big help in this and I am learning it every day.
Weekly Routine:
Weightlifting/Stretching – Minimum 3 days per week.
Walking – Minimum 3 days a week
Job Search – Minimum 3 days a week
Cleaning – 3 days a week.
Writing – 3 times a week
Latin – 3 times per week
Cheat Meal Count: 3 per week.
School is winding down and I will refocus my attention on a shorter list of things. One of those things is getting all my routines to start to forge my life better. This one, in particular, is very key to doing that.
Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):
Goals Achieved: 1 Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018.
Bucket List Items Achieved: 0
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
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The Grey Wayfarer 