It is hard to believe but I haven’t written a The Grey and the Wayfarer post since early Yuletide. I have been busy enough; I think, to keep The Grey at least in check in my life and continue to walk the path. Recent days have seen a change in my mind I guess and mostly it is due to the fact that at this time last year, I began to start a time of year that is now a bittersweet memory. Mostly bitter in the end. It is not just a time of memory and struggle for me, but for my wife as well. There is a flood of emotions about these memories for both of us and they run the whole spectrum, but mostly I notice that they have a depressive effect for me.
I think the best way to walk this path through The Grey is to firstly know that these memories are not just going to go away. Ignoring them will not help me; nor will pretending they do not exist. That just leads to a worse mental state and that is not going to help. There is a lot of guilt associated with many of them now, and I need to work through them to get over that. Personally, I know it is going to be rough but I need to walk through it to make myself a better man on the other side of it.
The second thing I think needs to happen is that new good memories need to be created. I have two significant milestones coming up during this time: 1) My 50th birthday – personally I don’t care if it celebrated, and I am not sure given last year who would come to such a thing, but it is a significant thing to be a half a century old. 2) My wife and I will celebrate our 30th anniversary on June 10th. Given that we spent last anniversary apart, I think it is very important that we celebrate this one and do it together. I guess I would rather see a celebration here by family as well for a lot of reasons. Mostly we need a celebration of our love for each other.
In the meantime, every day is a journey of another step toward where I want to be. There are many forks and crossroads ahead. I need to make wise decisions as to which path to take. The problem of course with The Grey, and why I am taking it pretty seriously right now, is that it is like an overcast sky that can make the things unclear and not as illuminated as they could be as I choose which path to take. It is why I stick to my plans and goals with discipline, despite what I feel at times, so I keep moving.
The one writing note I have at this time is that I am planning on doing some fiction writing soon. It has just been a little difficult to get my Muse to kick my ass into gear about it. I don’t know, she might be asleep or on vacation. In any case though, I have a lot of time off from work next week; and unless that changes, I plan on filling that with school, continuing my job search and writing fiction.
Thanks to all that read this blog. You are appreciated.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Continuing my theme of Peace and Rest this week, I look to the Business Virtues and how they provide both of those. Prosperity is not a bad thing. In fact I am reminded that the there are counter expressions such as ‘poverty is the root of all evil’ which I now feel are much more true than the Biblical quote. Prosperity actually bring peace in that when there is abundance there is no need for strife. Business is about achieving that prosperity, so there is peace and the opportunity to rest. The image of a prosperous trading town with artisans and craftsman doing their business and building mutual prosperity comes to mind with this one.
The Business Virtues achieve this by providing motivation, means and a basis for ethics. Self-Reliance provides the motivation because as I wrote yesterday it is about being free and independent. Industriousness provides the means of achievement as work and enjoying your work leads to prosperity. Hospitality provides an ethical basis for Business, that business is about helping others achieve their prosperity as well as your own. You cannot be self-centered and ultimate succeed in business.
Self-Reliance:
“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”
Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.
I think at this point all things have kind of focused on the business finding the right job for me that I can do and provides greater opportunity down the road. I refuse to do something that leads to stagnation and dead ends. I want a job and career path that helps me achieve independence.
Industriousness:
“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”
Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.
I have found I enjoy working regardless of what it is. There is something about working that gives life a sense of achievement and that is probably why you hear me speak very little of retirement. My idea of retirement is to own my own business and settle down to running it until they burn my body on a viking ship headed out to sea.
Hospitality:
“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”
Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.
While hospitality’s basic form is to help those in need, I feel there is an element of being a good person toward others in all business dealings. Of striving to bring about the best situation for all considered so prosperity is shared and grown.
Higher Virtue – Justice:
Every decision I make regarding my business with others; in all its forms, is about justice, and doing the right thing at the right time in the right way. Being just and fair in all my dealings is a real goal for me. But also I recognize when someone is not being just with me and I resist that. I guess there is a motive to my rebellion at times to society and the system it creates – I want to see justice done.
Daily Routine:
Communication / Cuddle Time
Blogging
Reading / Study – Half-hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
Clear In Box/ To Do List
Financial Transaction Input
Carb Count – currently two a day.
This has actually been hard this week because I have been fighting The Grey a lot. It is probably time for another installment of The Grey and The Wayfarer. For now I will say I think in large part the memories of last year have started as this is about the time my struggles with a lot of things became much more intense. Memories always seem to have that effect with me until I create stronger ones. The problem is the memories of last year are pretty intense and its going to take a lot to overcome them. Thankfully on this list of daily tasks there are a couple of things that help with that.
Goals:
Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship.
Find a new, better paying job by the end of January 2019 or before.
In 2019 have a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
Follow Paleo Diet completely and use intermittent fasting until the end of 2019
Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)
Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.
My internship is officially underway. I don’t think number 3 is going to happen but I will simply shift the day to the end of February and keep going. I am not going to keep track of goals not achieved as I don’t think that helps at all. Nope, better to adjust,exercise some perseverance, and try again.
Goals achieved since Summer 2018: 1
Budgeting:
Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
Debt Snowball
Fully funded Emergency fund
Invest 15% of income into retirement
Pay off Home Early
Build Wealth and Give
This is a pretty simple budget plan, the issue remains the income level to make it start moving faster.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
The thing about the Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) is that the definition of self-reliance is simply ‘the spirit of independence’ and I find the simplicity of that definition to be its greatest strength. The rest of the virtue simply extends that out to the family, tribe and nation but the definition is that self-reliance is ‘the spirit of independence’. Independence is defined as free from outside control, not dependent on another for living and subsistence and thinking and acting for yourself. To be self-reliant means to embrace the process by which you live in freedom of choice, lifestyle and thought.
There is probably no virtue of the NNV that I resonate with more. Liberty and the freedom that goes with it, is something I hold very dear. I get more angry about people trying to control me, make me dependent on them or trying to tell me what to think and do than anything else. I will not be controlled.
I also get mad when I watch people in my country casually sacrifice their rights and freedoms on the altar of security. Dependence makes you less secure not more secure. You want security? Embrace the spirit of independence that allows you to secure as much of it as you can for yourself and by yourself. There is really no true security in his world, so live free so that way you at least you will have a wonderful life without fear.
There are two obstacles to self-reliance and both of them are internal. 1) Is to attach to many things to yourself, so that you are so obligated to other things and people who you never really can make a choice about what you want. 2) To not strengthen yourself enough to stand on your own. I say both are internal because to become dependent involves a choice to do so.
To the Wolves and Ravens:
Needs (Geri):
People thrive more in freedom. They become more of what they are capable of, when they have the liberty and freedom to pursue what makes the happy and fulfilled. Now, I don’t care what circumstances surround you, this need can always be fulfilled. The government, religion and other factors really cannot bind a truly free person. The Virtue is always livable. It is something we need.
The problem with this is we need to spend time strengthening ourselves and not weighing ourselves down with obligations that really do not serve us. We should act on what gives us Joy rather than what others think we should do. It is why I embrace minimalism as a part of my philosophy. It allows me to lean myself out so that I can concentrate more on strengthening the things that give me joy. I will talk more about the aspects of my minimalism the next cycle, but if there is any key to maintaining an attitude to independence, it starts there.
Wants (Freki):
Yes, I want self-reliance. The one thing that I have learned is that dependence can lead to disaster. I was very dependent on others in my last job; and quite frankly it is what bit me in the ass in the end, because those people proved untrustworthy. I want to be in a place that even if relationships turn out to be false again, it doesn’t throw me off because I am not dependent on them.
Reason (Huginn):
Reason tells me that I must make decisions that regularly reflect on the question of do I need this or do I want this? To many times we are following the impulses of what we want without thought of how dependent we are becoming on others to get them. We also don’t think of how that new thing or relationship might make us obligated to the point we lose some of our freedom. I need and want self-reliance and we will not get it by simply following our impulses. We need instead to be very deliberate about our choices in who we are in relationships with and what things we take on responsibility for. That requires thought every time.
Wisdom (Muninn):
Wisdom tells is that liberty, freedom and self-reliance are precious things that need to be guarded and maintained. They are not easily won and so they should not easily be discarded. This constant vigilance of mind and heart is the price for it, but the benefits are truly better than the alternative.
Conclusion:
Self-reliance is something I strive for. I have to on the one hand not bring anything in my life that drains it and I also have to strengthen myself in ways so I can maintain it. There is a constant battle here but one that is well worth it at the end of the day.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
The Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) for me are about peace and rest in the end. It is about putting yourself into a position to be free to the point where there is nothing but peace. The NNV are about achieving this warrior’s peace. They may be a warrior code but the end result; the end desire is peace. It is the image of the honorable king on his throne. His acts of courage have cause his enemies to sue for peace and his commitment to truth means his people trust him. He and his realm are at rest, peace and growing in prosperity.
The Foundational Virtues achieve this in a multitude of ways, but mostly they end anxiety and worry. Honor means you are at peace with yourself and no longer are anxious about your inner battles. Courage means you act instead of worrying about things. Truth means you are not anxious about what you understand and believe. You know you pursue what is honorable, courageous and true so there is little to fear when it comes to inner conflict, cowardice or lies unless they are in others. You simply know and are at peace that you are honorable, courageous and truthful.
This week has a simple goal. To complete as many things as possible each day but also to introduce some rewards for completion of the day, so it is in my best interest to start living things. The planning and all the organization is mostly over. There will be small adjustments to be sure and a growing understanding of what I am doing, but the skeleton of my vision for myself is finished. Now it is simply time to flesh it out by living it.
Honor:
“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”
Principle – Be positive about my future
The meditation each morning has really started to help with my sense of inner honor and peace. I have gotten to the point also where I can move through life and don’t give a shit what dishonorable people think about me. But I also value people and their opinions when I can see honor in them. I don’t know if I have achieved everything here; but I feel like I have achieved a level of honor, and I am looking to try to build to the next one.
Courage:
“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”
Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.
I have actually acted in courage a lot this past week. There were people to talk to and confront about certain issues and I have done that. I don’t know what the results will be, but I have don what needed to be done at the right time. I still have some people who try to push this Alpha Wolf around. They find it more difficult than they think and it is amusing to me. I working on making sure this doesn’t spill over into asshole behavior as I try to respect the humanity of others no matter who they are. But if you don’t respect me; well that’s not my problem, but it will be yours if you take it too far with me. I accept the loneliness tha goes along with some of this but that’s the price of being a wolf instead of a sheep.
Truth:
“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”
Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.
The truth that is most challenging is the one you find in the mirror. That said, I don’t mind looking at myself in the mirror anymore. That’s the truth of it.
Higher Virtue: Love:
I find a great deal of peace these days in the arms of my wife. The love we are growing has old roots but it has new branches and that is very good. It pulls everything together when I am holding her. The king needs his queen’s love and that is particularly true for me.
Morning Routine:
Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
Review Goals and Bucket List
Meditation
Full Body Stretch
Shower and Personal Hygiene
Get Dressed for the Day
Thus routine is getting more and more automatic. The meditation time is becoming more productive and focused and so another goal is achieved here. Of all my routines it is the one with the least problems, if any.
Bucket List:
Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
Get My Tattoos.
Actually Get Drunk.
Smoke a Joint.
Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
This is the stuff that makes life worth living. I need to look at it that way and I think something will cross itself off of here very soon.
Weightlifting:
Until I have a new job and know where I am working for a while, the gym question is a little problematic. I probably could solve this problem by building up a set of dumbbells slowly over time as I can afford them plus a compact but functional weight bench. It isn’t the best equipment for what I do, but it would save time and be versatile.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.
We also don’t take an offering here. We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it. Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it. Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.
Opening Song: “Blame Canada” by Robin Williams (South Park)
One of my favorite moments of Robin’s career and oddly enough a song I have been singing from time to time these days. I play a lot of a PC game called The Long Dark. it basically an apocalypse simulator where a freak magnetic storm destroys all electronics and your plane crashes in the Canada wilderness. You task is simply to survive as long as possible. As I am trekking along trying to find the next resource to survive I find myself on occasion remembering this song and singing the verse of it.
Poem: “Slow Dying Flower (poem about Robin Williams)” by Shay Callow
He was the brightest star the world had ever seen,
but no star can burn bright forever, although that was unforeseen.
He was a man who brought joy to all those around him,
so that he never had to show them how his life was grim.
He made them laugh until their stomachs hurt,
even though inside he was full of despair, sadness and disconcert.
Like a clown, his smile was painted on,
only when he removed it did you see the wretchedness in his deep blue eyes; that’s when it dawned
that he was a slow dying flower,
fading petal by petal and losing power
until the day he’d been poisoned enough by this ghastly world,
and he died once and for all by his own hand – that’s when the truth of his life really unfurled.
Meditation:
Song of Preparation: ‘Why Do We Read and Write Poetry’ by Robin Williams (scene from Dead Poets Society).
I figured the man who said the quote today should be the one to say it. plus he adds his own commentary which is nice. It is a great disappointment to me that Robin didn’t win the best actor award in a leading role. He should have with this performance.
Text: What We stay Alive For – Robin Williams
“Medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.”
Robin Williams – “Dead Poets Society”
Sermon:
“O captain, my captain!” I can’t tell you how much the Dead Poets Society shaped my life. I still difficulty watching it as it is very sad, but if has a theme it is what Robin’s character is trying to get across the entire movie – seize the day, live life, find something that makes life worth living. Write your verse and make it a good one.
I have long taken the message of this movie to heart and this quote reminds me of something I need to remember. There are many things we do to sustain our lives but there also needs to be the things we live for otherwise life isn’t worth a damn. There are many things that are noble pursuits but if you can’t get up and have something to live for then you’re going to struggle.
In my life right now i have spent a lot of time setting goals and establishing the discipline I need to achieve them. But I can’t say the overall aim is simply to live. To exist. There is something in life we must have a a passion for or the reason to live will run out and we will find ourselves much like Robin himself. With no reason to continue.
I for all I am worth that no matter what life throws at me I remember that what I may be doing in life that is noble and good, I remember I need something to stay alive for. So reason beyond life’s purpose being life itself. To go from being alive to living life. May we all find that.
Closing Song: Friend like Me – Robin Williams from Aladdin
I don’t know that I will ever be able to look at Aladdin the same way again or in particular the genie without thinking of Robin Williams. This performance and animation are some of his best work. It is a pretty unforgettable song
Parting Thought:
If I take any inspiration from Robin’s life it is to always make sure I get up and not give up on myself. Something we all need to remember.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Part of my daily routine is study and working on school. As I was putting together my Evening Routine last week, I put together the practical things I needed to do for such a routine but as I went through the week I realized there was something missing – Reading for enjoyment. The need for this pressed on me as I realized that a lot of my routines are about getting things done a discipline. But part of me needs to enjoy life a bit and adding a 15 minute reading session at the end of the day right before I nod off to sleep is needed.
If there is anything I have learned about Routines is that there needs to be a part of each one I look forward to doing. Reading is something I enjoy when I have the time. I need to make the time instead and put it near the end. There is an element of this that is me escaping into another world. I need this more than most people know.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
Probably the only thing that concerns me these days regarding discipline is time. Time is the same for every person and it requires discipline to make the most of it. The issue is disciplining relaxation into things so it allows recovery. I need to look at this further, but reading in the evening routine is kind of like that. I also like to game a little on my PC and perhaps that needs to be part of the daily routine for say an hour at the end of the day too. A reward for a successful day. Something I need to look at more so that I don’t get to the end of the day and ask – how has this helped me relax and be more at peace and have no good answer.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
The job search is becoming a matter of perseverance as I seem like I am getting no where but it always seems that way right up until the interview is scheduled and then I know I can do well. It is just a matter of going forward in what seem to be failure and defeat.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
I hate when I am busy because it always makes family stuff and time with my wife seemed rushed. I don’t like that from a fidelity point of view as people in my life deserve my time.
Higher Virtue – Wisdom:
Balance is a key issue in wisdom and this has caused me to look at everything in the context of cost and benefit. I have often ask people who work a lot – “what good does that do you if you never have time to enjoy what you are building?” It is a question I stop and ask myself from time to time. At the same time if you enjoy what you’re doing then work can be a time of relaxation form a spiritual point of view.
Weekly Routine:
Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
Cleaning – 3 days a week.
Walking – 4 days a week
Writing – 4 times a week
Cheat Meal Count – Currently 2
The real issue is weightlifting and walking still. I don;t want to join a gym only to have job that does not allow me access to it anymore. I need backup plan for both that does not require a gym. A full dumbbell set might do the trick for one. The other I just need to wait for spring as I don’t have the proper gear for walking in the snow. So much hinges in improving income. It needs to be my focus along with school. The cheat meal count has dropped to the level I want it to be all the time. This is the test of whether this lifestyle can be maintained.
Evening Routine:
Take supplements and medications.
Brush and Floss Teeth
Out the Door Preparation
Reading – 15 min.
Go to Bed
Reading for 15 minutes at the end of the day. Somehow this suits me. It also might help me start working through this backlog of books I need to read. But first I got two new ones on Norse mythology. The rest of it is going surprisingly well.
Nutrition:
Nutrition is my main thing now regarding health and perhaps it is good that I don’t have the gym in some ways because it has forced me to focus on it. The fasting is easier than expected and the carb counts are good and the cheat meals. The thing is that in a couple more weeks the diet enters a very serious phase. I need to be ready for it
Weekly Recap:
Foundational – I actually feel pretty good here. I feel like my foundational virtues are good. I need more courage at times but I also think that part of my personality is not to give a shit about offense at times. these are hard virtues to practice because they are so abstract, but I do feel like I have learned to crawl so time to learn to walk in them.
Business – I don’t struggle with the virtues as much here – just the results. Mostly I need to keep disciplined about school and keep the job hunt going while enjoying and getting the most out of my current job as much as possible.
Self – It is in the end about being a better me. It is all I really can control and even then there are some elements beyond my control. Life is more like sailing in many ways. You have to take the wind as it is and make the most of your abilities to still get where you want to go. Sometimes it is at your back and other times you have to tack back and forth. Either way you keep your eyes on the prize and then find out what you need to do to get there.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
I don’t believe in fate or destiny or any of that crap. I look at what people call fate or whatever, and it looks suspiciously to me like you are just reaping the rewards of your own decisions good or bad. I also don’t believe everything happens for a reason. I believe sometimes good things happen and there is no reason to it. Of course, I have long rejected the notion that God causes all things to happen to us; as it gets very difficult to explain that there was a good reason for a woman to be raped or for parents to see the five-year old child drown. Sorry sometimes shitty things happen and there is no greater plan. You can learn from these things; and be a better and stronger person for it, but there is often no sense to be made from it.
So when I look at making my own way in the world and building something for my wife and I, I look to my self and my own decisions. As the Icelandic proverb states – I am well aware that I am the smith of my own fortune. There are two issues right now. 1) Finding a better job and 2) whether or not to continue with my education.
I am trying not to be as picky, but at the same time my previous work and life experience should count for something. I don’t think being a lawyer would work for me. I would rather do business, writing or even, somebody mentioned this to me. journalism. Mostly though I have to make up for twenty years of doing a professional grade job (pastor is white-collar) for wages at the hourly Joe job level for twenty years, and so I lean toward business.
If this is the case then an MBA might be a better plan long-term. The nice thing is that there are so many completely online MBA programs these days. Even one at the college I just graduated from. I have to give this one serious thought.
Self-Reliance:
“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”
Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.
The goal is complete self-reliance in all things. To do that now and in the future requires a growth in prosperity. You can’t just get content even late in life. It leads to stagnation and death. Self-Reliance is very much about staying strong long-term.
Industriousness:
“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”
Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.
I can work any job with some enjoyment to it. However, I do long for a job I love, but any work can be enjoyable if you look at it through the right frame of mind.
Hospitality:
“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”
Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.
I really don’t have much opportunity to be hospitable, but it is always there.
Higher Virtue – Justice:
This question of ‘is this decision just’ is always in front of me now. Every time I do something related to other people, I find myself thinking on what the best or most right decision should be for all parties and advocate for that. I guess I am pretty good at being a negotiator in some terms, at least in the terms of seeing both sides of an issue.
Daily Routine:
Communication / Cuddle Time
Blogging
Reading / Study – Half-hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
Clear In Box/ To Do List
Financial Transaction Input
Carb Count – currently two a day.
Carb count drops to two for this week and next. The rest now reflects three online classes and an internship, plus staying on top of keeping my marriage strong.
Goals:
Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship.
Find a new, better paying job by the end of January 2019 or before.
In 2019 have a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
Follow Paleo Diet completely and use intermittent fasting until the end of 2019
Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)
Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.
Gym Membership is on hold and the job search has yielded so far no results. The rest of them are all in progress. When today’s post drops we will be at 115 straight days of blogging.
Goals achieved since Summer 2018: 1
Budgeting:
Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
Debt Snowball
Fully funded Emergency fund
Invest 15% of income into retirement
Pay off Home Early
Build Wealth and Give
Still working # 1 but it is getting closer. The key is still a better paying job for myself. Time to smith a better fortune for myself.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
I spent the majority of the weekend in bed. I even called in to work to tell you how bad it was. Except I have learned that the best way for me to handle things when I am sick is to rest and sleep as much as possible. Let my body have all the resources it needs to fight off whatever it is and then I recover quicker.
When it comes to my routines, meditation, etc. It pretty much goes out the window that day. Some things take precedence over those things and recovery of health is one of them. That said, I woke up Sunday, did my morning routine and headed out the door to work. I wasn’t 100 percent but I was capable of working so there I went. My hope was hope was to get back home and rest some more.
That said some meditation found its way to my sick-bed. It is strange the things you think of when you are sick and perhaps it is best not to dwell on anything too much in that state of mind. Nothing positive will come of it. But Meditation was used to calm myself down a couple of times and relax so I could rest. The point of routines is to develop strengths that you can use in moments of crisis or struggle and sickness is a little of both.
I started the week coming out of sickness but still managed to go the first day pretty strong but probably resting and sleeping more than I wished.
Honor:
“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”
Principle – Be positive about my future
I think one of the hardest things to do while sick is maintain a positive attitude. You really have those moments of challenging your self-worth or honor. it is hard to see the end of things when sick, like certain sicknesses will end eventually. It’s probably the only positive thing you can think of at the time – ‘this too will pass’.
Courage:
“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”
Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.
I don’t know if courage counts while sick unless you are facing something major and life threatening. The normal flu and colds are mostly a matter of Perseverance. But I have to say when you feel sick and have to function and do so I might take an action of courage to keep going.
Truth:
“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”
Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.
Truth. I am not immortal. I am not invulnerable. I am not super man. I am human and subject to human frailty. Hard lessons every time I am sick but lessons I need to remind myself of each day.
Higher Virtue: Love:
My wife is a saint when I am sick. I ask very little of her because I don’t want to be one of those men who is a big baby when he is sick. That said, she often does a lot of things on her own to help me and take care of me. I have to say there is a lot of love to it and for that I am very grateful. I always plan to return that when she is sick.
Morning Routine:
Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
Review Goals and Bucket List
Meditation
Full Body Stretch
Shower and Personal Hygiene
Get Dressed for the Day
Major adjustments here are the removal of Breakfast and Supplements and Medications which are now part of the evening routine. Meditation is now more ‘formal’ but also more focused on what it needs to be.
Bucket List:
Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
Get My Tattoos.
Actually Get Drunk.
Smoke a Joint.
Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
I think number 2 is up first. then number 6 for the second half of the year. I just need a better job with more income to make the first happen.
Weightlifting:
I don’t know, the problem of getting a new gym is made more complicated by the fact that I have no idea where my new job might be. This would have a tremendous bearing on that subject. I don’t want my new gym to just be a temporary place but a new gym home and that means I would have to have some sense of permanence to both my work and life which is something I don’t have right now. I might simply have consider what I can do at home for minimal cost.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
As I look to tweak my Self Virtues I can see that most of it revolves around tweaking my diet and is very much of a nutritional nature. Nutrition is probably the most challenging thing on my discipline virtue list because it isn’t a routine or once a day thing. It is a constant thing. Nutrition simply is all the time and it is probably the most important thing to grasp if you want to live longer and live better.
The first thing to note is that I have not been currently doing the intermittent fasting. I was going to do this every other week, but decided I would rather do it the all the last weeks of the diet instead. So next week I will not be eating anything from the time I go to bed to the time normally get up which is usually 1 am plus eight hours which means not eating from the time I go to bed until nine o’clock in the morning. If I ever get a normal job with normal hours I would have to adjust this accordingly, but the idea is not to eat anything for the first eight hours of being awake and while I sleep of course.
Yes, I know nutritionists are gasping in horror over no breakfast, but I have never bought into this notion of breakfast being the most important meal of the day. I know too much about the FDA and the US Department of Agriculture these days; so I know much of their nutritional advice is politically motivated to appease farmers, and that much of what has been suggested is an experiment. Much of these have failed and particularly applicable to me the advice on combating diabetes. I never got anywhere following their standard advice there, just a higher sugar score. After watching the video below, I realized my skepticism was justified and I changed course.
On a practical side this means changing my morning routine by moving two items out and moving one of them to something new – an Evening Routine. The thing that will be gone for good is breakfast. It will just be gone. I do take some medication and supplements and most of them require food; so with breakfast out, I need to take them later and I figure right before bed is the best place as my body then can utilize them while I sleep.
So basically here under Self Virtues I will add the section Evening Routine for discussion. Much of that is basically preparation for the next day, hygiene and a little nutrition. Evening Routines are problematic for me but I think this one has the best chance of working because it involves my medications and nutrition. Hopefully that will provide the motivation to do it right after I eat my last meal of the day.
The focus of all this is of course my goal of being in the best shape I can be on my 50th Birthday (March 18, 2019). How I will evaluate that is basically to stand naked in front of the mirror sometime that day and evaluate. That of course will not end nutrition or exercise for me, I will just start another one year plan for my 51st year.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
Once again I am applying discipline to something that needs it. Nutrition is a lifestyle discipline. It may make use of routines but it is an every day all day thing. It presents a great challenge to Discipline.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
Nutrition also has moments of failure. The one thing I have learned is that when you do have a moment of dietary failure is to not make it the end of the world. Pick up from there and stay true. One meal or bad choice can be countered by a bunch of good ones. Learn from the failure and move on.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
It has been a very good week in terms of my marriage. We had a date night which was fun but also as much as my wife and I struggle with things we continue to turn to each other. That is probably the greatest thing I can say because it is so different from what it was before.
Higher Virtue – Wisdom:
Making the right choices whether as far a routines, nutrition or marriage is always a question of wisdom. What is the best and wisest path? That is a question that is always before me. So far I think I am doing well in this regard. The problem with wisdom sometimes is you can’t see if a decision was a wise one until you look back at it through the eyes of hindsight.
Weekly Routine:
Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
Cleaning – 3 days a week.
Walking – 4 days a week
Writing – 4 times a week
Cheat Meal Count – Currently 3
Every time I think I am going to have enough money to do a gym membership so walking and weightlifting are back in my life, something comes up. This week it was books for school. I really need to be lifting and walking again by next week. I will have to see where I stand next Wooden’s Day.
Evening Routine:
Take supplements and medications.
Brush and Floss Teeth
Out the Door Preparation
Go to Bed
What I mean by Out the Door preparation is that if I say overslept or got called into work early, I could be ready and out the door in ten minutes. Part of this though; beyond crisis, is to have my daily paper journal ready for the next day and my meditation stuff laid out for the next morning as well. The idea is to take the time to prepare so the morning runs smoothly.
Nutrition:
One other thing as I head into next week is to reduce beverages from other things to strictly water by mid February. To do this means to reduce slowly what I drink otherwise which is usually some artificially sweetened drink of some kind. Probably at first I would say I must drink a bottle of water in between each drink of these and then increase that to two then three and then eliminate the other leaving only water after that.
Weekly Recap:
Foundational – Love, Honor, Courage, and Truth. All of these things are more than words for me. When people ask me if my morality has changed since leaving Christianity, I say no because most good ethics and morals are based on very simple principles and that’s the core of the virtues. I can’t say anything here was a problem this week. Just a time of readjustment.
Business – Business is about how I interact with others. Exercising Justice, Self-Reliance, Industriousness and Hospitality is core to that. When dealing with other people, these things are on my mind and offer me a way of loving my neighbor as myself as many religions propose as an ethical standard. I would say these virtues do more than that, they make sure I also love myself.
Self – Self is Acting in Wisdom, Discipline, Perseverance and Fidelity in order to improve as person. So far I like the results
This week has been about tweaking a few things. Hopefully by the end of next week all things will be pretty much in place.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
This week I am looking a tweaking certain things about my routines so I am going to look at each journal post and see what needs to be tweaked. Under Foundation Virtues is some discussion my Morning Routine and Bucket List and oddly enough they are going to go together. The way they are going together is through meditation.
One of my only concerns with the Morning Routine has been meditation. I originally thought what I need to do is formalize things a bit. Make them more structured. I think that will happen, but I now feel I shouldn’t look at it that way. I would rather look at it as making changes to unlock the potential of mediation for myself.
What I picture is meditation on the Nine Noble Virtues, picking one principle from one of them to meditate on, then meditating on one of my goals, and one bucket list item. This would involve a nine-day rotation. It would then end with emptying my mind and doing a basic relaxation technique. I have nine virtues, nine goals and nine principles. The only problem is I have ten bucket list items so it would involve removing one of them.
I have been debating the use of aids on this. Most notably a candle and a symbol focus. The symbol focus I have used and it would probably be the Valknut. I am thinking a medallion that after meditation I can wear around my neck as a constant reminder. The candle is also a focus I have used in the past and it a powerful one where I have gotten so lost in meditation that I lose track of time. I am going to try a candle with a timer from my smart phone to offset this potential ‘problem’. Position has always been an issue and I am going to go lotus for a while. It usually hurts my knees but mostly I think that is because I am not used to it.
So far there are several things I do that are going to stay. 1) Nine Noble Virtues – Meditation on a virtue or virtues really works. It definitely is a much higher thing to meditate, on than what I want to do that day. I may however add meditation on the higher virtues as well. 2) Nudity – I have to say there is something very beneficial about literally throwing off all encumbrance, including clothing, to meditate. No clothes and the only jewelry I wear is my wedding band. There is something very liberating, free and open about this state when meditating.
The main goal now is to unlock the potential of this part of my morning routine so that I gain insight, enlightenment, a positive mental state and motivation from it. The ultimate goal is to have a highly effective ten minutes of meditation that accomplishes all of this regularly.
Honor:
“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”
Principle – Be positive about my future
Meditation has also been very instrumental in getting me back into a more positive attitude and mental state about my future and giving me that much-needed self-examination that leads to a sense of self-worth. A sense of honor is something I have gained while meditating.
Courage:
“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”
Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.
Sometimes the right thing to do and when to do it is not clear. I have found mediation to be the key at times in discovering both. Then all that remains is to actually act and meditation can steel my heart to do that. Meditation helps with courage.
Truth:
“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”
Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.
I cannot underestimate the number of times clarity, enlightenment, insight and other things like this have been part of my mediation results. Truth has been unlocked at certain times, and for that I am very grateful.
Higher Virtue: Love:
A feeling of well-being and a feeling of being loved and loving are sometimes very present in my meditation times. I guess in many ways it is how I have learned to love my wife more and more each day. It has at least been a tool for unlocking my understanding of my love for her and I would say some of the same mental state of openness and freedom has slipped over into the times we make love as well. Love of life and the world around me is a very present feeling when I meditate as well and I want to unlock that further.
Morning Routine:
Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
Meditation
Review Goals
Review Bucket List
Full Body Stretch
Breakfast
Supplements and Medicines
Shower and Personal Hygiene
Get Dressed for the Day
I have made the line for meditation just that. The process inside of this simple word will be written down in my paper journal until it becomes more automatic. Much of what happens in routines is that I have to follow what I want by looking at a list at first. This can be clumsy and awkward at first but the more I do it, the more natural it becomes. Meditation changes will be like that too but I think it will be worth it.
As a side note my meditation time spills over into my full body stretch and I am thinking of doing some more yoga type stretches with this.
Bucket List:
Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
Get My Tattoos.
Actually Get Drunk.
Smoke a Joint.
Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
Removed starting my own business. As I look to the future this bucket list item will be a goal under something involving my career eventually. It will make its way to my goal list eventually so it isn’t really gone, just shifted in timing and placement.
Weightlifting:
This is one activity that meditation is a big part of when I do it. Every set is preceded by a mental focusing and as the set is being done, mental focus is very important. It is this meditational aspect that I miss just as much as the challenge of the iron. I will hopefully get back to this soon. I have the money now to get a gym membership going at least.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
The Grey Wayfarer 