Sorry for the Absence

Happy Mani’s Day!

I am sorry for the recent few days I have been absent. It kind of was hard to even think of what to say on Friday as it would have been my 33rd wedding anniversary. Then it just kind of went The Grey after that. I did realize that I think I have more of a desire to write fiction on this blog so I might change the lineup for more of that. See what happens tomorrow.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

The Missing Interim

Happy Mani’s Day!

A recent comment got me thinking that I should provide a post with more details about the gap time between February 28, 2021, and May 2, 2022. A lot of things happened but If I were to highlight a few things they would concern my marriage, career, and living situation.

My marriage at the time of Feb 2021 was on the rocks. I was deeply dissatisfied that I wasn’t being supported in a good career move for myself but it involved moving from Michigan to Texas and my wife didn’t want to do that. It actually pointed to a greater problem that had been growing for years which basically was about priorities and emotional support.

Probably more basically, it was about the fact once the kids were gone my priority shifted to my marriage and my wife continued to remain with her kids and later grandkids. I felt I was slipping down her priority list to the point I was getting her leftover time. We had two different priorities and two different objectives. It was a problem compounded by trying on my part to get counseling but on the other hand, my wife did not want to go to counseling. I finally asked for a divorce in April 2021.

I actually waited a month to file and there was a clerical error so the hearing was delayed to September 21, 2021, a judge granted my petition and I became single again after 32 years. I won’t say I liked it, but at the same time, if I am going to be married to someone I expect the same level of priority I give them. Someone who will deal with our relationship issues and emotionally support me when I am having a rough time.

A result was a freedom to pursue something I had been working on since before COVID. Teaching certification in the state of Texas. I finished the basics and found a job at a large High school near Houston. I loaded up my Jeep Patriot with everything that I had and moved. It’s now one school year later and I love teaching. Hopefully, I will find a better subject than the one I now teach, but you have to pay your dues.

My living situation is often lonely right now as I come home to an empty apartment. I miss Michigan, but they didn’t have alternative teaching certification when I started. My best bet is to finish the certification process, finish my second year of teaching so my mentorship is finished, and then transfer back to Michigan.

The one thing that has improved for me is income and that has led to a lot of thinking as to how to use it. Mostly though I have more time to myself and that is a double-edged sword. But that is a post for a different day.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

“Ruins” – A Poem

Happy Main’s Day!

“Ruins” by Edward W . Raby, Sr.

There was once life here

Now all is ruin

Window pains broken

Doorways with no doors

No roof.

We build this house brick by brick

Love was the mortar

We had children, raised them

We gave our love to them

Taking the mortar and giving it to them

Then they left.

We discovered the mortar of our love

Was cracked and crumbling – nothing.

But we had no time to reset it.

We continued to live giving it away

The roof collapsed

The bricks fell apart

We walked away

And now all is ruins.

A sad testimony to what was

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Love: All My Exes Don’t Live in Texas

Happy Freya’s Day!

So I start this new routine and here we are talking about love, sex, and relationships the first thing. Let’s stick with just love for this one. For me, and probably the rest of the human race love is complicated. For me specifically, it’s complicated by the fact that my heart is a stupid fuck that can’t stop loving a woman once it starts and this has massive problems long term.

It took me literally several years debating with myself, therapy, and several gut-wrenching decisions moments to divorce my wife. It wasn’t that I didn’t love her, but I didn’t feel loved by her, nor did I feel she was a person who gave me peace. We weren’t yelling at each other or anything like that, but the relationship became tired and old and no matter how much I tried on my end to point this out, it was ignored by a lack of desire to change that from her. When you pour out your guts to a woman about what’s wrong emotionally with your relationship and it takes three months for her to get back to you on it that is not good. That’s a communication problem and we had a big one which is me and her and not just her. We had counseling, read books, and yet – divorce.

Here is the funny part. I have no problem loving her. If in the course of our lives, and I told her this when we parted; if she needs a shoulder to cry on, a hug, kiss, or a love-making session, I am still there for her as a friend. I know her Christianity will never allow her to accept this. She would have to set it aside. But for my part, I consider her a friend and wish her nothing but happiness. I also have the weakness of if she really needed me I would respond.

My first love is happily married to someone else. She has kids and another life, but my heart still has a place for her. I still on rare occasions run across her and it’s awkward for me at least. Some weakness, if she were to ask for my help, I am there. I still wish her nothing but happiness.

Miss Salty. She hurt me and may have done it on purpose. She can’t help it though as she has some mental issues that I should have known were trouble. But I was broken myself at the time and vulnerable, so perhaps it was just two broken people trying to find peace in each other. It worked for a short time. Until it didn’t. Same weakness if she came into my life. I hope she finds happiness.

Maybe this is why I moved to Texas. Less chance of any of them walking into my life at this point at the random. I might have subconsciously needed the space for all of them to reset my love life. I am a bachelor now and while that comes with its own form of loneliness, it also has some tremendous freedoms to it in regard to what relationships I can have and what I can do in them. But that is a subject for next week.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!