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A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Warrior Mind (Part 1)

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

I have to remind myself that the Nine Noble Virtues of Asatru are a warrior code.  This is by design as even though I have never been a warrior as far as being a soldier, I believe maintaining a warrior mind is important for success.  Life is a battle in many ways although it has its good moments and as the old samurai saying goes – it is better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war.  A warrior can wrap his mind around situations both of battle and of peace.  In his mind he is always preparing in peace for war.

As I look at the Foundational virtues of Honor, Courage and Truth, they truly represent winning the battle in the mind before it is actually fought. In Honor there is a vision of a positive future.  In Courage there is the will to act.  In Truth there is an honest assessment of how to win and what strategy to employ. I see what I want to do with a positive mental attitude and that is the first key to winning.

I have never achieved anything or won any battle I have fought without first achieved or won in my mind first.  But flip that over and I have never won a battle or achieved anything if in my mind I had already lost.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

My daily blog streak passed the 200 day mark at the end of last week. I am well more than half way now. Once April ends I will be two-thirds done with this year of blogging.  Once the semester ends, I am going to start figuring out what hiking equipment I need and start purchasing it.  In the end it would be nice to plan the Northern trail hike with everything I need already in my possession.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

I strongly expect that I will cross a couple of things off my bucket list before March 31st of next year.  My first candidate will probably be getting a tattoo. Going back to Budapest is a long-term goal involving a lot of things happening over probably the next five years.  That said every once in a while I find myself with memories in mt head of the city.  They motivate me.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

I have picked my topic for my non-fiction book.  Now it is a matter of creating an outline which is pretty much already done for me in some ways. Learning Latin is more of a matter of taking the time to do it.  I will have less excuses once the semester is over.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Love is a great motivator for me.  It fuels me and at the same time it is the thing that I find most difficult to achieve.  I have high standards for love that I give fairly freely. I just get disappointed a lot sometimes catastrophically. Love when present is however my greatest virtue when it comes to winning the battle of the mind. If I love a person or doing what I love, I have very little difficulty in having a positive attitude about it.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Breakfast, Medications and Supplements.
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

Been a struggle this week mostly due to my own wrestling with things.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – Weekend Musings and Writing Plans

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

By way of announcements:

  1. There will be no Crossing Bifrost today as I am very much near the end of the semester and I am trying to complete some extra work for school plus get my Routines back on track.  Possible finish off another class’ work today.  For the same reason and as a gesture of respect to the Christians out there doing their Easter celebrations, there will be no Pagan Pulpit this Sun’s Day either.  I have said my piece on Thor’s Day about the resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth in my post on the subject.
  2. What will happen is this post on some writing plans today as well as some other wandering thoughts.  Tomorrow on Sun’s Day I will post the next installment of Rogue Wizard.  I also plan on canonizing a poem I wrote last week sometime this weekend as well.

Well, time for a few musings and wandering thoughts.

This is the first Easter season where I honestly can say I haven’t been stressed out.  I am no longer a minister so I am not preparing a message or getting a service ready.  I have to work at my job, probably because all the Christians asked for the day off, but I am good with that. I actually have more peace about it than anything else.  I just wonder if I will be working alone.

I am hopefully going to get my first walk in of the season today.  I have been waiting for a sunny day that is above 50 degrees and so today may be the first hike of the wandering skald. Hiking is a real spiritual thing for me and I am looking forward to the walk.  After that as long as it is above 45 degrees walking will take place.

The Grey has been thankfully very light right now. It is more of a dull boring sensation than depression.  More of an annoyance than anything else. I guess part of that is I have come to look at my memories of this time last year as more of a challenge o picking out the good and discarding the bad.  That will be far more difficult this summer, but right now it isn’t that hard.

Writing plans:

Part of getting back on track with all my routines is setting my writing goals.  Most notably my goals for my novel and my non-fiction book. I think I have narrowed things down a bit.

For my non-fiction book I am going to do something involving the Bible and Skepticism.  My former Christian friends might not like it but I am thinking of doing a harmony of the gospels from a skeptics point of view.  I guess announcing this at Easter is fitting in some ways as it marks a turn of thought for me.  The book will be more designed for the popular press written in something that anyone with a basic education can understand but I may do another version that is scholarly first then rewrite it for publication.

For my novel, I am going to go pure fantasy.  I had an idea a long time ago of five friends who after growing up together in a small medieval fantasy city decide to take up adventuring together in an old blog that is now deleted.  I am thinking though it might make a good novel.  It is the kind of story I would like to read so it should be fun to write.

Here on this blog I am moving slowly forward with Rogue Wizard.  I must say that The Grey Wayfarer series is not so much halted as it is me taking some time to continue my research into Norse mythology before I continue with it.  That series is more about quality than quantity. I am therefore taking a lot more time with it. Rogue Wizard on the other hand is placing myself into situations as the main character is basically me on a divergent timeline. This makes it easier to write.  I have noted since I decided to engage my memories instead of avoid them, I have found it easier to write in general.  Sill need a new muse, but I will find her somewhere I am sure.

Enjoy your weekend, there should be a Poem and A Story somewhere for you.  This week coming up I will be talking about the Pagan Holiday Walpurgis on Odin’s Eye.  This is the May Eve celebrations.  So for you pagan’s out there do not fear, we will get past this to our own stuff.

As a final announcement, on Thursday I passed 200 days straight blogging.  With this post today it will be 202.  So I have 163 days to go for a whole year.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

 

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Walking On

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

Happy April Fools.  That said you won’t get an April fools joke from me. I prefer a more traditional approach to All Fool’s Day.  Everything backwards or upside down.  Next year this will be my day to do something out of character and do something truly risk taking.  Smoke a Joint, Get Drunk, Go to a nudist resort, etc.  Something where I throw the virtues to the wind for one day and live life a little risky. Something where the socially unacceptable becomes normal for one day.  I have a year to plan it so this should be interesting.

This year, however, today marks the second day of my ‘walking on’  I have realigned my compass, taken a look at my map and conformed a more clear route and I am now taking steps on it. Journey of Life resumed.

Implementing everything is going to probably take the entire week to really get going.  I have tested the morning routine and it is solid like before. Now I have three days off from work from Tuesday to Thursday where I plan on implementing the rest. The problem of course with it is things need to be set up for some things to be routine. Learning Latin. for instance needs a little work to decided how to proceed step by step o the days off will allow me to do that. By the end of the week I should have all of that done and be moving forward.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

I feel valued these days at work and by the few friends I have left. I feel positive about my future. I sometimes struggle with myself.  Throwing off the whole light verses darkness thing and just being a man walking in life as a human being has been a difficult but necessary transition.  It is also one where I feel far more at peace.

The daily blogging hits a half a year with this post. A milestone for which I am giving no fanfare. Half a year to go. To be ready for the hiking trip is going to require training and acquiring some gear. Planning and scheduling.  My walks at least three days a week are the first steps.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

The concept of fear being a choice has changed a lot of things for me. Danger is a real thing but fear is a reaction that can be controlled. I have a lot of things to do that will require courage in the next few months so I need to keep making these choices.

I did make one change to the goal here to make it one a year for the bucket list as many of my bucket list items are now more long-term goals. I actually have two that need to be completed by next year at this same time so this should be easy.  Hungary and Budapest awaits, but it will probably be a few years yet.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

Honesty is really not my problem.  Bluntness is. I am glad I added the part about learning to be silent in the presence of Fools.  I find myself getting involved in less and less social media discussions. If it wasn’t for writing and memes I might not be involved at all anymore.

The writing schedule will be two days a week on the non fiction book (because it is a goal) and one day on the novel (because it is a bucket list item).  I had to dust off the Latin books and read the “How to do this’ section but I am starting to take baby steps.

Higher Virtue: Love:

When comes to Truth, Courage and Honor, I am definitely adding the notion of love here as I ask how these three express love all the time. It is a guiding virtue for me in these regards.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Breakfast, Medications and Supplements.
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

Love this now. It allows me to use the beginning of the day to think, plan an prepare. Not hard at all.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – Realigning Routine

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

Well, not going to get to a Crossing Bifrost post this week either.  I  really need to get this realignment done so I can get on with other things. I will double dip next week to make it up to you. Maybe.

Now that I have aligned each Virtue with its Principle, Goal and Bucket List item, there is one task that remains so my three weekly journal posts are complete – Aligning my Routines so that what is on them is actively taking steps to reach those goals and items.

I don’t consider routine or forming routines to be a restriction on living life, but rather a tool so goals can be achieved.  The goal is having more time to live life and achieve results that make my life more enjoyable. They actually, in the long run, give me more time to do what I want to do. This is because routine should be about being efficient and effective.

There are other issues with this as well.  Certain habits that I need to develop because they good habits. Stuff that is more connected directly to virtue than a goal or item on my bucket list. But all of it must relate to a goal at least indirectly in that it keeps me developing skills and habits that help strengthen me in some way so the goals are easier to achieve. The other thing is activities that are flexible in that they can be used for one goal and then transition into another. Study, Reading and Writing are good examples as they can be used professionally, as a student or personally.

I have the same resources as anyone else: Time, Possessions and Relationships.  Finding ways to utilize them to help me get to what I need and want is the issue here and Routines are a tool to help me do that.  What I need to do here as well is identify things that will be the product of routine and others that are just items to list to be done.

Step One – List the Goals and Look at Full Bucket List.

Goal’s Listed

  1. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  2. Cross one thing off bucket list every year.  Deadline March 31st.
  3. To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020
  4. Find a new, better paying job by the end of March 2019 or before.
  5. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019
  6. By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader of a support group of some kind.
  7. To follow A FULL Paleo Diet Plan from April 1, 2019 to March 31, 2020.
  8. To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020
  9. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation

Bucket List Items Listed: 

  1. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  2. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  3. Learn Latin by March 31st 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.
  4. To own and run my own successful business or company.
  5. Write A Novel and Get it Published.
  6. To own a home by March 2024.
  7. Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.
  8. To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.
  9. Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

Step Two – Revise Routines.  Basically, I am coping the old routine and making revisions based on the above.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Breakfast, Medications and Supplements.
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

This is the first thing in the morning when I get up stuff. This is every morning, every day. The idea is to set a tone and plan what to do for the day as well as remind myself of obligations. Once this is done, it is time to work the daily routine. I am having breakfast again as it is the best way to remember to take my medications and supplements.

 Daily Routine: (in priority order) 

  1. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  2. Blogging – Organize, revise, write new post for next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  3. Reading – half hour. Priority order: work, school, pleasure
  4. Study / Homework / Research: half hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
  5. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, other.
  6. Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
  7. Latin – half hour
  8. Weekly Routine Items
  9. Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 1

The reason this is in priority order is because it might not get finished every day and Weekly Routine Items are a special case in that when they can be done and need to be done they jump to the top of the list. Blogging is there at the top because of the goal to blog a post every day.  Reading is essential for school and writing.  Study/ Homework / Research covers work, school and writing.  Personal Business is expanded to include a lot of items.  Just wanted a time every day to ask the questions: “What personal business needs to be done today? And did it get done?”.  Latin I debated but truth is it is probably one of those things I will have to do every day or it won’t happen at all. Nutrition is still a work in progress but allowing one carb high carb item a day will keep me from going completely nuts.

Savings Plan actions are purposeful activities where I save money toward certain ends.  Right now I am saving a set number of dollars every paycheck toward my tattoos and a mini-vacation with the wife for our anniversary. Then after that saving up for the genetics test will be on my list. The idea is things that need money to do them need a regular plan of building that money to achieve them.

The trick with the Daily is it needs to be long enough so I don’t put it off but short enough that it is doable even when the weekly items are added. It has to have the right balance and that is why the Morning Routine has me making this up every morning to as the question of is this both Realistic and Challenging enough?

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting/Stretching – Minimum 3 days per week.
  2. Walking – Minimum 3 days a week
  3. Job Search – Minimum 3 days a week
  4. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  5. Writing – 3 times a week
  6. Cheat Meal Count: 3 per week.

As you can see, I have decided to go with the number three a lot.  Mostly this makes the log entry easy.  Lifting and Stretching will come back into my life next week as I have decided to spend some of my tax return money on a gym memberships and I will probably do it every day after work.  This should actually give me four days as week, but I allow for special things to happen where I might have to forgo once a week or so.  Walking will probably be on days off along with the job search and cleaning. Writing I am going to look for days where it will work. The compensation for only having one high carb source a day is to give myself three cheat meals a week and that includes special occasions.

That should do it other than spending the rest of today doing preparation work to make this start happening Sun’s Day.  Mostly this involves redoing mt lists for meditation and getting my paper journal prepared. This process has really streamlined things as well as made it simpler and more lined up.  One thing leads to another pretty well. That said, glad the process is over although there are some small items to do on some of the items listed above to get the specifics.  Time to make this thing work.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Realigning Truth

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

As I wrap up this realignment process and head into the final week, there still remains a lot to be done. This week I have to realign Truth, Hospitality and Fidelity.  Some of the tougher ones and the problem at this point is that there is not enough left on the bucket list or my list of goals and so some thing are going to have to be created along those lines.

In addition, my Morning, Daily and Weekly Routines need to be modified so that there are things on them that work toward achieving my goals and advancing toward crossing things off the bucket list.  I have made the decision to drop the Evening Routine. All I will basically do in the evening is brush my teeth and go to bed. Some of the things on it will be moved to the other Routines. I will be doing a special The Rabyd Skald post on Saturday to talk about the Routines specifically to handle that.

Things kick off on the 31st of this month so it is crunch time.

Truth is one of the virtues that has been troubling and difficult this past year. I have pretty passive about it as basically my principle was to simply pursue truth and discover it.  But this is not the focus of the virtue.  Rather it is about proclamation.  Something that as a former preacher I understand better than most. So time to change a few things.

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

The virtue as always is not the problem.  It’s application of it that is the problem.

Principle: To Be Honest and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

I use the word ‘Speak’ in the broadest sense of the word. To communicate with effectiveness has been a large challenge I have accepted in most areas of my life.  Effective communication is here but what is communicated is Truth. The form of communication does not matter – written, oral or other.  The issue is Truth being communicated effectively.  There is also learning when to be Silent.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

This goal is still probably not specific enough so I may further refine it a bit later.  The point is if I am going to proclaim truth on a larger level; than I have been recently, I need a platform to proclaim it from.  I am no longer a preacher but maybe down the road being a motivational speaker or life coach, but until then I need to know what my message is going to be and the focus of this first non-fiction book may very well be creating that message.  Starting now on a year-long process to create and discover this by writing a book might be the best way forward.

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

Trying to add some sense of SMART to my bucket list items as well.  The biggest things I need in my life it seems are deadlines.  They keep me moving.  I haven’t dropped learning Hungarian just delayed it a year.  I will probably work on that 2020 to 2021 as my planned trip to Budapest will probably not be for a few years. This Bucket List Item may always be learning a language or a skill I want to just learn.  After Latin and Hungarian I might want to learn cooking or something.  These are the kind of Bucket List items that fit truth.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

Just so people know when this post drops the blog streak will be nearing the half way point.  Yesterday the 200th post dropped on this blog. I would say we have gotten past the start and infant stage.

I really feel Honor is something I can now achieve and this realignment has really help me have a better sense of vision for my life which will lead to a better sense of being positive about my future. Which lead to a better sense of Honor.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

This Virtue now keeps me focused on the hard issues of achieving my goals.  It forces me to act and pursue them. That’s a good thing.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

Last summer  was writing a blog called The Rabyd Microphone.  Don’t look for it. It’s been deleted.  The one thing about that blog that I absolutely insisted on was it was going to be raw truth.  People didn’t like it because there was one element about truth that I have now come to understand – If people are fools or don’t want to accept it – they will just get angry. So this blog is also committed to truth.  There is one difference, I now ask myself what good will done by stating the Truth and who will listen? In short, is my potential audience fools? If so, then I just keep some things to myself.

I like the changes here – gives me some things to shoot for.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Honor, Courage and Truth – Love in action.  I just need to identify what is worthy of my  love and act accordingly and things go right. When I don’t, things go wrong.  In know that seems overly simple, but it works.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals and Bucket List
  3. Meditation
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  6. Get Dressed for the Day

I will be doing a special post on Saturday where my Routines will be Realigned according to all these changes.  The goal there is to take each bucket list item and goal and ask what part of any routine is working toward it. This really the final part of the overall realignment.  This means even though this Routine works the best, it might have some changes as far as addition.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Skald Tales and Poem – Poem – ‘The Scar’

/ Ed Raby Sr / 1 Comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

“The Scar” by Edward W. Raby, Sr.  

“Time heals all wounds”

“Bullshit” I say

I have been down this road before

I have scars that still bleed inside

 

Internal bleeding of the soul

Seepage of pain within

Toxic soul-blood poisoning

Hidden behind my scars

 

The scar you left on me

Is like all the others

A covered scab

Hiding a slow bleeding wound

 

Another scar

Another badge of survival

The poison blood inside – fuel

The pain inside – motivation

Written by Edward W. Raby, Sr.  on March 15th, 2019.  Edited March 22, 2019

Author’s Commentary:

There are a lot of recent candidates for the ‘you’ in this poem.  Including the one who taught me how to appreciate and ‘enjoy’ writing poems.  In this case the quotes around ‘enjoy’ are probably stronger.  Normally a poem causes me to remember this person with a little twinge of joy and pain. This poem was one I needed to write but didn’t necessarily want to write. Mostly because it was like literally pushing on the scar in question this person had left on me, making it hurt just a little more than just a normal poem. She definitely fits the bill for ‘you’

That said, I think the ‘you’ could be several other candidates over the course of my life.  In any case the poem reflects my understanding that: 1) Scars are an illusion of healing. The wounds they hide never fully heal and often remain toxic and painful.  2) You just have to learn how to turn that toxic and hurtful nature of a wound received into fuel and motivation as you go forward. 3) Lovers and friends who betray or leave give us the most toxic and traumatic scars.  So underneath, no matter how much it looks outwardly you have moved on, they still remain a part of who you are. Even when you would wish it was not so.

Poetically, this was my first attempt in shortening my poetry.  Make the word choice more selective. Learning how to do this is a work in progress for me. As always constructive feedback on my poems is always appreciated.

Thanks for reading them,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Skald Tales and Poems – Poem – ‘The Storm’

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

Sorry, once again no Crossing Bifrost this week. I am still reading a lot on Norse Mythology right now and next week I will take on the goddess Frigg.  For this week, it is time I took two poems I have written this month and make them blogging canon. This one will drop now and the second one later this afternoon.

“The Storm” by Edward W. Raby, Sr.:

Wind, grey skies and pouring rain.

The Storm rages in my soul.

Fed by my inner pain.

Will I ever be whole?

 

Lightning flashes

Thunder rolls

I tighten my grip on the staff of my reality

Knowing only the treading of my feet

 

Boots grinding through grey mud

Soaked in sorrow, but my heart closed

Numb to the cold of The Grey

I struggle onward, not daring to feel

 

Lest my tears join the flood

And drown me in the rising tide.

I walk with the hope of seeing sunlight

I walk with the hope of feeling love

 

But right now, I feel nothing

So I will survive.

Soon, the wolf within will rise and howl

The ravens will caw again

 

For I know when the light breaks through.

Then I will howl, caw and laugh,

Once again I have endured The Storm

And I have become stronger

Written by Edward W, Raby, Sr. on March 9th and 10th, 2019. Edited on March 22, 2019

Author’s Commentary:

I guess this poem about depression; and how I take it on, is one of those that is very obvious.  The imagery in part is borrowed from this whole Grey Wayfarer concept.  I draw a lot of inspiration these days from the characters and stories of Norse Mythology. I like these gods – they have dirt under their fingernails and pain of soul.

People do not understand depression that well.  Mine is ‘mild’, if you can call depression mild.  It isn’t about happy or sad with me.  It is about emotional shutdown.  I go into cold-blooded bastard mode so I don’t have to feel sorrow or pain.  The sarcastic asshole is very much a part of both sides of my life, but in The Grey I don’t laugh at my own sarcasm like I do out of it. “No dark sarcasm in the classroom.” Yeah, it gets dark and there is no feeling to it. Outside the grey it more about being playfully affectionate with the people I care about.  Inside it, I am just being a dark fucker trying to survive.

The love-hate relationship with depression is something I tried to deal with the last stanza.  Like or not, when come out of it, I have some of the most creative and wonderful inspired moments.  I feel better, love better and think better in those moments. Some of my best writing has been at these times.

Thanks for reading,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Realigning Courage

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

There will be a The Rabyd Skald Birthday post dropped at 12:39 pm today – I have my reasons for that time as I will talk about later. Right now I will doing what needs to be done for the week as I continue my realignment.

I spent the weekend thinking about this realignment a lot. One of the things that is clear to me is that when I discuss a virtues nature and principle. I also need it discuss the goal and bucket list item associated with it as well. Because both my goals and bucket list are in full revision mode, I can do this very easily now by tweaking my journal entries in A Skald’s Life very easily.

What this means on a practical side is in each A Skald’s Life post when i get to the virtues I will now add the Goal associated with that virtue and then the bucket list item so all four things can be discussed at that point.  By keeping them together I can look at the bigger picture of each virtue.

This weeks virtues are Courage, Industriousness and Perseverance.  I have feelings about each of these and in truth, most of it is positive.   For most of this week it is goals becoming SMART and bucket list items becoming aligned. I am trying to get off to a great start to my 51st year of life, so I am trying to make this a complete week.

On to Dealing with Courage’s Realignment

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

I have always admired the brevity of this one and how quickly it sums up what is needed – good stuff

Principle: Act with Courage at the right time.

No problems here.  I like it and I think it does the job.  In moments when courage is needed you need a principle that doesn’t require a lot of meditation or thought and this does that with good results so far.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)

I need something that motivates me forward.  This goal is something I wanted to keep on my goal list so the bucket list gets constantly accomplished. So that it has items crossed off on a regular basis.  Courage required to do that.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

I find travel requires a little courage, international travel more so because you are facing language and cultural barriers. It definitely takes you out of your comfort zone. I think the complete package for me on this one is to do a Viking River cruise down the Danube River to Budapest.  Stay there a week and then return up the river and back home.  It would be a great adventure and something that is a reward for and an act of courage in and of itself.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

When I look at the whole thing right now I see what I am driving at with honor. It is a feeling for me of self-worth and future optimism.  All of this seems to flow much better now that I see it together.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

The big stuff is here.  The stuff that will require major amounts of courage.  I like that and it is a good big picture.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

I have a feeling the Principle on this one will get rewritten.  Goal might be clear and the bucket list too.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I find it amazing to me that as I look at it how much travel factors into my plans. I love to travel, I just don’t have the means most of the time.  I also think much of love is expressed in what you travel too and who you travel with. It also fits that The Grey Wayfarer’s foundational ideas are travel after all.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals and Bucket List
  3. Meditation
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  6. Get Dressed for the Day

Doing well here. I said it before – it isn’t broke, so I am not going to fix it.

Bucket List:

  1. Get My Tattoos.
  2. Write My Novel.
  3. Learn Latin.
  4. Learn Hungarian.
  5. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.

Yes, it is getting shorter.  As I incorporate these things into the virtues and full bucket list is going to disappear.  I think lists are valuable but I don’t think the bucket list gets properly addressed for me this way.

I know the tattoos one will be modified and connected with Perseverance later this week. Languages will be combined and put with Truth – maybe. Novel – hmm.  Need to think on what is left but perhaps Industriousness.  The weightlifting thing I may drop because I am not a power lifter.  I think something else might be needed, so opening up a slot helps with that.

Weightlifting:

This will be the last time you see this here.  I will be moving it to Self to be with Perseverance and my exercise program will have weightlifting as part of it. I need to find a way to turn this from frustration to success and I think moving it and strongly connecting it to a virtue will help with that.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and the Wayfarer – Part 7 – Writing and Walking Through It

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

I know people are probably expecting a Crossing Bifrost post today but I have a couple pressing matters that I need to attend to and I am currently reading some books on Norse mythology that I want to get a little further in before I write my next post on it.

I also have been fighting The Grey pretty much all week. Part of the reason I am throwing myself into realigning my virtues with my goals and principles is that it really helps with this. I feel there is a key or keys in this process to dealing with The Grey; to a point where I can not only function with it, but actually feel some things without shutting down.

I have been asking a lot of motivation questions because what The Grey threatens and destroys the most often is my motivation.  The odd thing is that my motivation to write is the one that is often the least affected. The trigger this week is the time of year and it will be so until probably the end of summer.  Last year at this time, my ministry as a pastor and my marriage were both unraveling and there are a lot of painful memories associated with that right now.  I can confidently assert that the old notion of time healing all wounds is bullshit.  It can scar them over, but they still remain under the surface.

Writing has always helped with these times in that it gets me through them.  It is often the process of taking the next step in writing the blog article or project that is me taking the next step.  I write for me and I write to overcome my depression.

If a friend were to ask me what issues rise to the top, i would first say that it is not easy to talk about but then I would offer the following four things.

  1. I still deal with my change of faith. Or rather the discarding of Christianity and ministry for good. It is more than just a career change, it is a lifestyle and life course change, and it has been quite challenging emotionally and mentally.
  2. I deal with betrayal and loss.  Both of specific friendships and of the fact there is a group of people I lead as a shepherd for almost ten years than I still don’t feel comfortable in dealing with. Based on the letter I was sent, I feel judged and discarded still.
  3. I deal with memories of loving someone who I don’t know if they loved me at all in return.  It’s debatable if they were as they said “Just acting’, or if that statement was made to make the breakup easier for me and them.  Epic fail on the last one, it hurt like nothing I have felt in a long time.  I have a poem I am working on about this I think I NEED to write; but it is painful to write, so I don’t want to write it at the same time. I mean they seem to have moved on like nothing happened.  The memories for me are making that quite difficult, despite my best efforts to not think about all this by contrast.
  4. Then of course this whole thing brings up emotions regarding my treatment of my wife during this time which I now feel very guilty and ashamed about.

It’s why back in August of last year I wrote something that basically said I wished someone would rip my heart out and kill it.  These feelings are intense and difficult and I wish they would go away.  It makes my depression kick in as a defense mechanism so I don’t feel things. Feeling nothing being more preferred than these emotional memories.

I also deal with the fact that on March 18th I will be 50 years old. Half a century and I am fairly certain its these birthdays with zeros in the second digit that seem to challenge me the most. Another decade down, how many do I have left?  Where am I going now? What am I going to do? Who am I? How do I get where I want to be? When are these memories going to fade to the point where I don’t have to deal with them as much?

I wish I had more answers, but writing seems to help me keep going.  I write for me and I write to overcome.

Walking the Grey,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Realigning Honor

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

The next three weeks are about aligning my virtues to principles; principles to goals and goals to bucket list.  Also there are the Routines that will need to be altered as I go along to reflect any changes.  There are going to be changes. So for the next nine A Skald’s Life posts, I am going to be engaged in this process of realignment. To do this I am going to state the Virtue and the edit the principle involved, then edit, recreate or create the goal and bucket list items that go with the virtue and principle.

Once this process is complete for each virtue, you should see the changes reflected in the future A Skald’s Life posts.  I also have Routines to alter as a go along which will reflect this.  My meditation guide I use will be changed.  There are odd ducks like Weightlifting and Nutrition.  This is why I chose a longer and more thoughtful route. If only the first Virtue wasn’t one of the most difficult. Honor.

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

I will not alter this virtue as I think it is very solidly written and I have no confusion in understanding it. As I created the principle to guide this last time, the challenge was thinking positively about myself and my future.  I simply stated the Principle as: “Be positive about my future”.  I am not sure this lines up anymore.  True, honor involves looking at yourself in the mirror in a positive light but there is more to it than just being positive but it is central to honor. The goal needs to reflect this as well as the bucket list item.

Principle: To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

I look at the goal list and really I can’t find anything that relates directly to honor.  Other than to look at the goal of blogging every day for a year. Why?  Because as I look at the central element of honor it is to possess it continually and that involves a journey and this blog is about my journey as The Grey Wayfarer.  It is the closest of the current goals without rewriting them.  I suppose in many respects this journey I am on has Honor as central to it purpose.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

One of the first observations I can make about my bucket list is there is some repetition. Part of the goal will be to edit it in such a way as to eliminate that.  That said, if the journey is about honor then there is a current item on my list that fits and would not only be a cool thing to do but quite symbolic as well.

Bucket List Item: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

If part of my quest for honor is the journey then a bucket list item that is about a journey seems to fit and would probably when I do it be very symbolic of getting to a certain point where I feel honor is being achieved.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others. ‘

The principle is a little longer but it is the complicated subject of honor. My constant journey toward it is chronicled in this blog and the bucket list item now has a goal that is symbolic and something I really want to do. No when i meditate on Honor, the goal and bucket list item will motivate me a little better.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Of all my virtues and principles, I feel when I get to this one, I will find I will edit this one the least. The concern here is the goal and bucket list.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

I think the principle here will need a major revision. The goal might be clearer as well as the bucket list item actually unless the revision of the Principle changes it.  For me educating yourself whether formally or informally is about the quest for truth. So right now it might be about finishing my degree and learning a language. Learning a language might fit here as it is symbolic of education and learning truth.  Latin would probably fit best the notion of being a scholar and symbolize this Virtue the best.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Honor, Courage and Truth all need to be aligned with love.  But in this case by pursuing these three, I think love will be woven like a tapestry from these three threads. There is a symbiotic relationship I am looking for her where love is expressed in Honor toward myself, acts of Courage for the ones I love and Truth toward others. This new alignment should make the higher virtue of Love clearer and more easily expressed.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals and Bucket List
  3. Meditation
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  6. Get Dressed for the Day

I don’t anticipate any changes here at all.  Except as the Principles, Goals and Bucket List change, my review and meditation will shift in focus and nature.

Bucket List:

  1. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  2. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  3. Get My Tattoos.
  4. Actually Get Drunk.
  5. Smoke a Joint.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.

Ass March goes on, I will change this every week. Mostly you will see items shift position to line up with their virtue as the hike goal is now number 1.  As I said before, I see some repetition of idea.  Learning Latin and Hungarian could be merged.  Getting Drunk and Smoking a Joint could be merged.   This would open it up for a few new items and that requires me to sit back and ask: “What do I want to do?”  This might be the fun element of this realignment and it is probably the thing that excites me most about this process right now.

Weightlifting:

I need to get a job that pays better so that I can know where I am going to be for the foreseeable future so I can join a gym and afford it.  In the meantime, I am thinking a couple 25 lbs. dumbbells might be a good investment as I can do a lot of things with them at home.  Walking is going to be available as Spring actually springs too. The thought of getting physically active again excites me and I know is one of my major defenses against The Grey.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!