“Grey Revelations?” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 22

Happy Sif’s Day. 

The scattered Grey showers continue.  That said, I am getting more of a handle on them.  The triggers are pretty well known by now and I know how to deal with most of them. Mostly, I have been thinking, researching and meditating on what The Grey is?

I don’t know if I am right about this but The Grey seems to be more of a state between feeling nothing and being depressed.  If that makes any sense.  it is a protective state to keep me from feeling the sadness of depression but it still has the element of depression that is ‘loss of interest.  The other quality it has is that I do not give one shit about anyone else.  I am wondering if this is a counter safeguard my mind goes into when I have hit my psychological limit of not taking care of myself and being more concerned about others than myself. So The Grey puts me in a state where I am completely self-centered but not sad; but also restless and bored.  I hope I am wrong because that sounds like a state of mind I wouldn’t wish on even my enemies.  Dangerous and reckless.

I suppose the alternative is to be sad, tired and/or burning angry.

In other news:

  1. I am totally frustrated with the job hunt right now.  No one is even calling me and that is probably the product having lost so many contacts.  Every job I have gotten I have known someone and applying blind is difficult.  If the fuckers at my church hadn’t fired me, I might have had a connection there with someone else to get another job or at least I could put it on my resume as my last job.  It really puts a hole in my resume.  It might be Ok in another year or two but I don’t have a year or two.
  2. Love is frustrating as well.  I have identified that my wife and I have a trust-love but Miss Salty and I had a passion-love.  The problem is I want both. My INFJ idealism kicks in and says why can’t you have a high level of trust and passion in a love relationship. I was thinking about my series Rogue Wizard and there is the same theme. Lunette (passion) / Amber (trust).  It is all over the place with me and having only one or the other just makes it difficult for me inside my head.
  3. Writing seems to be the only solace I have these days. The Blog, my books in their raw form do provide some sense of stability in my head. The other thing is the weights, hiking and getting healthier. There is a part of me that just wants to dive into this and disappear.  My own world in my head is far superior to the real one.
  4. I am still adjusting my thoughts and emotions to my lack of any faith in any god.  I have no imaginary friend to talk to and that is liberating on the one hand but it means a level of self-reliance I have not experienced before and it is scary intoxicating.

I am not fond of the cards I am holding right now. I still am obligated to play the hell out of them though until the next shuffle.  Hopefuly that is soon.  I miss clear skies and having a strong hand.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

 

“Own Your Role” – Freya’s Chambers – Sexual Roles

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day:

Disclaimer:  The topics covered in Freya’s Chambers include serious discussions of sex, sexuality and related issues.  If it isn’t your thing; you can move along, otherwise enjoy and feel free to discuss.  Given the nature of some subjects be prepared for nude images as there may be some.  I avoid genitalia as a general rule but is not always possible.  

Discussion:

Referring to the cartoon above: it should be noted that sticking a man’s wifi antenna into a woman USB port is dangerous in many ways.

Now as a guy with a political science degree, I had to sit in on a lot of classes that involved a discussion of gender roles, patriarchy, women’s issues, equality, etc. I am going to tell you upfront that none of it takes into account hard science like biology and neurology.  The closest I got to that in my studies were two classes – social psychology where the female instructor was honest in demonstrating how men and women are treated differently by society in certain situations and noted that it was not always good for the guy.  This video is pretty interesting and reflects this:

The other class was genetics where the female instructor basically said – the XX and XY chromosome combination makes a world of difference in everything about a person.  Simple genetic truth.  Boys and girls are different and they demonstrate this in everything scientific that science can measure and some differences are evident right from birth.  Another Video, definitely worth a watch as this woman did her homework:

Gender:

When it comes to gender, I am going to say part of it is nature in that we are male and female and part of it is societal expectations. You might say gender is where the hard wiring of our sex meets societal expectations.  It is a mixed bag of our differences as expressed by our sex gets mashed together with society’s expectations. That is why some see it as fluid but others may see it as masculine and feminine having multiple ways to express themselves. I fall on the side of the second option.  I have simply never found a compelling argument that gender was more than male or female and certainly not that it could be fluid.

See the source image

In any case, I have noticed that while feminists bitch about equality, I don’t see them encouraging women to become sewer workers, coal miners or any other dirty job.  They want the social construct version to bitch when it comes to the CEO professional office job, but then cling to their own gender’s nature and avoid the dirty nasty jobs that if men stopped doing would dramatically have a negative impact on life. The feminists when it comes to gender as social constructs seem to have a selective compliant switch and seem to prefer their gender over the alternative.

See the source image

This is why I stopped supporting them after the third wave of feminism began and became pure egalitarian.  Things are not always right for men and how they are treated in this mix of nature and society and I should not be browbeaten to silence because I point it out.

No photo description available.

In the United States the draft, child custody, men’s mental health. longer sentences for the same crime. and the lack of a support structure with any semblance of equality compared to women in the areas of abuse and health are just the tip of the iceberg. There is simply a lot of issues where one sex or the other is being shafted and you don’t do anything but show your sexism when you want to point out yours at the exclusion of the other side.

Gender Roles: 

See the source image

Gender roles and expectations of society are purely social constructs and form in my mind a form of tribalism which I think needs to be regularly challenged.  In my country, this traditional gender role thing started a long time ago and probably saw its height in the 1940s and 1950s. I am glad they have been challenged but interestingly enough some women prefer their traditional role and so do some men.  If this is truly and genuinely their free choice, then they shouldn’t be condemned for it.  The real problem with gender roles is not that they exist, but when they are forced or people are shamed into doing them.

See the source image

Once again I come back to the power of liberty.  Of letting people chose for themselves what role they want to play in society as being the only fair way to do things. Society needs to stop imposing and start granting liberty.  No opportunity should be denied, but don’t be surprised when sexual preferences as far as a role are seen in people’s choices.  Don’t yell if a woman freely chooses to forgo a career to have children and raise them so her husband has to go and work to support them.  If it is their free choice, that’s their business. On the flip side if a man decided to be the one to stay home and raise the kids because his wife has a better job, don’t call him a lazy deadbeat either.  Let people define themselves and this includes their role in society and how their sex/gender expresses itself in that role.

Conclusion:

See the source image

Probably the best thing we can do is let people own their own role as far as sex and gender and follow our own desires as far as our own.  Own your role, not someone else’s. Take it on as an individual, not as a collective group. In the end, we do want similar things and we need each other to have that happen. But we are not going to get what we want by forcing roles on others or denying the natural propensities of our own sex.  Both are avoiding reality.  What really is needed is just letting each of us be free to pursue what we want.  Liberty is always a better answer than control or dogmatic expectations.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Reinventing Myself” – A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues.

Happy Wooden’s (Odin’s) Day

Journal Entry:

You wouldn’t think that reinventing yourself at 50 would be that hard.  I agree with Steve Harvey on the idea that you are never too old to do it, but I also feel like society throws more obstacles in the way of older people doing this than younger ones.

I guess the hardest thing is selling your experience without asking too much for it because you are engaged in a career change.  I just want a better job with better pay.  Not asking for the moon here.  I am hitting crunch time though as the student loan payments are coming soon and it would be nice to not have to do a deferment.

As far as bucket list items in this area, there are a couple changes.  Mostly this is a writer’s bucket list, not a business man’s bucket list and I have one major bucket list change below to reflect that.

Self-Reliance:

“Self-Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual but also for the family, clan, tribe, and nation.”

Principle: To achieve and maintain personal independence and advocate for independence in my family, state and nation.

Goal:  Find a new, better paying job by March 2019.

Bucket ListTo be a published author of at least five books by March 2029

New here, to reflect my change of vocational vision. Writers write for publication so that is where I am heading.  That’s about one book every couple of years minimum.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with the enjoyment of work itself.

GoalFinalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019 (achieved)

Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published by March 2022.

No changes and fits now even better.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: To share out of my abundance to help people where I can with their life’s journey.

Goal: By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List: To own my own home by March 2024.

I still want to own my own home so this stays.

Higher Virtue – Justice:

I don’t know if my interaction with others is the same as it was.  I know I have as a goal to treat people in such a way that I would never do to them what I didn’t want to be done to me and I consider that justice.   That said I don’t just forgive anymore – you have to earn that.

Work Day Routine:

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Weightlifting: Gym time – 1 hour after work.
  5. Writing: Half-Hour on top of the blogging routine each day. Alternate between Non-Fiction Book and Novel.
  6. Reading – 1 chapter min.
  7. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, job search, other actions, etc.
  8. Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
  9. Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 2

This is the one routine that will stay the same. It works when I do it.

Still walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Principles and a Call To Action” – A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues

Happy Wooden’s (Odin’s) Day

Journal Entry:

In more simpler terms sometimes you have to get off your ass even when you don’t have a complete plan.  I am learning this more and more every day and it is helpful when you have time that is downtime sometimes you need to think in terms of scenarios and what you would do in this or that situation so if it happens you already havea plan when you don’t have time to plan.

Better yet live your life by virtue nad principle and often what needs to be done and how to do it is self-evident.  I learned this past year that when your world blows up you have to do things that need to be done.  I was vet glad that virtue and principle were my guiding forces otherwise I am fairly sure I would have acted far more self-destructively.

Self-Reliance:

“Self-Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual but also for the family, clan, tribe, and nation.”

Principle: To achieve and maintain personal independence and advocate for independence in my family, state and nation.

Goal:  Find a new, better paying job by March 2019.

Bucket List: To own and run my own successful business or company by March 2029.

This is one of those places where my principle to advocate for independence has found a home in libertarianism and following the Non-Aggression Principle as far as my dealing with others and what I consider to be right behavior.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with the enjoyment of work itself.

GoalFinalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019 (achieved)

Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published by March 2022.

I like working.  I am not really thrilled about my current job.  It’s not that I don’t enjoy the people I work with, they are great.  My issue is that I didn’t spend the last four years getting a degree to do what I am doing now. Have bigger things in mind.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: To share out of my abundance to help people where I can with their life’s journey.

Goal: By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List: To own my own home by March 2024.

Don’t have a lot of abundance in my life; we get by and that is about it.  I used to joke last year that I have Coke Zero in the fridge and a couch for you to sit on. Still pretty much true. I would like to do more and that keeps me motivated as well.

Higher Virtue – Justice:

Really justice is all about giving people the attitude, time and actions they deserve for their own. I already wrote on this on Mani’s Day so I won’t belabor the point.

Work Day Routine:

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Weightlifting: Gym time – 1 hour after work.
  5. Writing: Half-Hour on top of the blogging routine each day. Alternate between Non-Fiction Book and Novel.
  6. Reading – 1 chapter min.
  7. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, job search, other actions, etc.
  8. Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
  9. Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 2

I am thinking a lot about these routines.  I need to think less and act more.

Still walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Economics and Common Sense” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Economics

Happy Mani’s Day

Discussion

Having a minor in economics apparently puts me above the common man who has an opinion about economic matters. It does, however, add to my frustration level as Rothbard’s quote resonates with my soul quite a bit.  I find a few things frustrating about people’s ignorance of economics.  Mostly how this ignorance is used against them.

Economics is part of my overall philosophy because some of my virtues are connected to business: Self-Reliance, Industriousness, and Hospitality all of more direct economic issues so knowing something about how economics actually works helps me have more for my ravens to say about those decisions involving those virtues.

Because of the law of scarcity, for instance, I know that there are some things in life not available to everyone, so if you want them you have to earn them.  It gets rid of a sense of entitlement which, to be honest, is one of the most detrimental things a person can have as part of their personality makeup.  Economics is often called codified common sense and so it is a valuable tool in my philosophical toolbox.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

I suppose my need for economic knowledge in relation to philosophy surfaced with some of my decisions when I first went back to school and decided on my major. I knew I wanted something that was in demand and marketable but also flexible.  The one thing I had noted over the years, as technology and knowledge change, so does how business is done and those who can adapt thrive.    The need for flexibility and marketability long term was an issue of the Law of Demand.

Wants (Freki):

On the flip side, the kind of job I wanted is an issue of the Law of Supply.  What’s available. was an issue.  The thing was that Political Science opens that up by one simple thing – I could always be in administration and that is everywhere. Not to mention that just having a Bachelor’s degree from a university that is real-world instead the plastic bubble of religion opens up even more.

Reason (Huginn):

So my current struggles beg the question of which law deals with the fact that I am struggling to find a job and the economics of hidden costs and unintended consequences of economic policies might be a factor. the simply truth is that if someone hires me that has a good benefits package my being older is going to cost them more money even if that benefit is simple health insurance, the premium for me will automatically be higher.

Wisdom (Muninn):

This leads to the wisdom that I need to be ready to give up some raw salary to compensate for that.  It is something I will give up because I would still come out ahead of where I am now. Economics helps me realize that flexibility is called for.

Conclusion:

Personally, economics being part of my overall philosophy has been something that has had a calming effect.  I don’t get bent out of shape when an employer does certain things but I rather ask what the economic issue might be.  Sometimes I have to ask why they don’t consider economics but people are people so they don’t always have economic knowledge and that includes people in charge.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“An Important Singular Goal” – A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues

Happy Wooden’s (Odin’s) Day

Journal Entry:

As I look through all my goals, there is one of them that seems to rise to the top.  A singular goal that is very important – finding a new and better paying job.  This is the reason as a man in his late 40s I went back to school and got another degree.  I now have that degree in hand but not a new job. Yet.

No matter how frustrated I get on this issue I attempt to move forward one step at a time.  The most frustrating thing for me is landing an interview. Once that happens my odds go up tremendously because I can sell myself in person pretty well.

Once I have the new job a lot more things will open up for me.  Other goals will be much more easy to attain.  It comes down to putting the best effort I can toward this goal while at the same time keeping the identity of being a writer first and whatever second.

Self-Reliance:

“Self-Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual but also for the family, clan, tribe, and nation.”

Principle: To achieve and maintain personal independence and advocate for independence in my family, state and nation.

Goal:  Find a new, better paying job by September 2019.

Bucket List: To own and run my own successful business or company by March 2029.

‘By September 2019″ might be very difficult now. But it does show how frustrating this search has been and for how long – since January of this year I have been looking.  I need to take my search nationwide at this point.  I am willing to move anywhere at this point and I need this to happen as soon as possible. I might have to change this to March of 2020 but the goal is important so it needs to happen much sooner than that.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with the enjoyment of work itself.

GoalFinalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019 (achieved)

Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published by March 2022.

This goal was finished four months ago, but it stands as a reminder of two things – I can achieve goals I set for myself and that the clock is ticking for the job goal.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: To share out of my abundance to help people where I can with their life’s journey.

Goal: By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List: To own my own home by March 2024.

One goal of many that require a new job and more importantly a new location. I just don’t feel very socially comfortable around my home town anymore.  I trusted people here and in this area and when the chips were down, many of them disappeared ot stabbed me.   I need a fresh start in some other place.

Higher Virtue – Justice:

I need to shift in my mind, for peace of mind’s sake, from looking for justice for those that have wronged me.  Might not happen for a while if ever.  I need to be thinking of acting justly toward others that I am trying to form new relationships with.  The problem is that I need then is to move and meet some new people to do this with. I just don’t trust anyone where I am anymore.

Work Day Routine:

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Weightlifting: Gym time – 1 hour after work.
  5. Writing: Half-Hour on top of the blogging routine each day. Alternate between Non-Fiction Book and Novel.
  6. Language Study: 15 min. on Latin
  7. Reading – 1 chapter min.
  8. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, job search, other actions, etc.
  9. Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
  10. Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 2

This a solid routine that gets me closer to all my goals.  The writing should be longer each day as I embrace being a writer more and more. The issue with that is learning to take things one step at a time and be patient with it.

Still walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Meditations – Secondary Identity: ?” – The Rabyd Skald

Happy Woden’s (Odin) Day!

I am becoming very certain that my primary identity being a writer is solid the more I think about it.  Now the question of secondary identity or identities begins to present itself. It is a big question mark but it is made clearer by the simple fact I now can see it is something I do to make money and live not as my primary thing.

That, however, does not tell me what it should be but perhaps what I need to be is open to the possibilities instead of looking for certainty. Perhaps there is still this need to be meditatively open to what lies ahead and let things run their course as far as what I should be open to being seeing that this issue is not what compliments my writer career not the other way around.  It means that certain things need to be in place.

  1. I need time to write so the job I get must be not so time-consuming that I can’t write every day.
  2. I need something that pays well so I am not eating beans and rice if writing does not go well. I have lived too long to not have plans B, C to the end of the alphabet.
  3. It should be something that compliments writing if possible.

I don’t really want to write things down at this point as even possibilities. I don’t even want to brainstorm because I want to find this out by being open and meditating on it.

Now, I want to be clear that I will still be applying for jobs that I qualify for.  The issue at this point is not trying to direct this thing and be open to whatever does present itself. That said being proactive means looking for job opportunities and applying for them. But this might open my horizons as to applying for more things I might not have thought of as possibilities.  The issue now is to be open and available to any idea that will meet my criteria.

All that said, I still am meditating on Identity because Primary and Secondary aside, everything comes together in overall identity.  I am one me.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Taking A Few Deep Breaths” – The Rabyd Skald

Happy Sif’s Day

These last two weeks have been interesting and challenging. I was in the doctor’s office on Thursday and as always a little anxious. I was there for my routine checkup and consultation. But as I waited I did some thinking.  I have had the following experiences this last couple of weeks.

  1. I have had more denials from potential employers in the last ten days than in a couple months previously.  It’s like all the applications I filed came back with nulls.
  2. At my current employer, I was passed over for a job and it was given to someone with no experience whatsoever.
  3. I have had another bout with The Grey and while it was not severe. The cause was known, however.
  4. I have had a doctor’s appointment and while a lot of the news was good, there was some news that reminded me I am getting older.   And that sucks by the way.
  5. The End of August marks one year that my wife and I have been back together after our separation last summer and that has lead to some very reflective moments about my marriage.

This post is about taking a few deep breaths and looking at each of these a little reflectively and spiritually.

Deep Breath. 

I guess I have to say the whole job situation has caused me to look at the basic fact that I have not really discovered what my new identity is. It is in-process both practically and spiritually and so there is that.  Mostly though the practical concerns will start to become forefront issues in the next couple of months I don’t find something better. For now, though my meditations center on who am I?

Deep Breath.

The decision at work at first angered me and then I just felt disrespected. It was like really, could have slapped all of us from the department any harder, especially those of us that work hard over here and have management experience?  Then I took a breath, realized that this is not my place, I am in my heart looking to move on to something better, so I might as well get about it.

Deep Breath.

My bought with The Grey recently was brought about by a song played on the radio at work. It was my song to Miss Salty and it triggered the whole mess of feelings involved in that.  One thing they never seem to mention about being empathic is that emotions experienced in certain situations stay and lay dormant until something triggers them and then there you are all over again. Which triggers a whole lot of meditation on the problem.  My most recent meditations have led me to a question: What exactly is The Grey?

Depression?  It involves depression but there is that switch that goes off to protect me from the sadness so I feel nothing. In that state, am I depressed or something else entirely?  I think I might have had an introspective moment because of this that might lead to an awakening.   I hope so.

Deep Breath.

I took a lot of those deep breaths before I met my new doctor. I just passed 50 so the protocol becomes: ‘You need this test done, you need to start this medication as a diabetic.’  I am like – what is this malevolent magic that took place where all this was unnecessary at age 49 and 364 days but one day later, a whole list of evil fairies have comes and makes you vulnerable to a whole new crops of shit. I hope my new doctor is a good salesman and explains things well, because if you don’t sell me – Yeah, fuck that shit.

The problem is that all my health indicators indicate I am healthier than I was last year, but somehow my medicines need to be increased and new treatments engaged for possible problems down the road. I hate American medicine, they either engage in damage control after the fact or their definition of preventative medicine is purely put more pills in your body. Not my thoughts on how to approach my health.

Deep Breath.

I don’t take too much for granted when it regards my marriage.  Our reconciliation is in truth a work in progress. I simply acknowledge here that It still might not work, something I started when we first decided to go down this path to my family and something I remind myself of right now. I want it very much to work, don’t get me wrong. But I also acknowledge the struggle in my heart between how much do I have to give up as far as my personal happiness to stay married? I shouldn’t be looking at it that way should I, but I am, and that is very troubling to me.

  1. My wife and I have very different values now.  That is basically because I ‘fuck it’ to my former faith and she has not.  What is important to me is very different than what is important to her.  And it is growing more divided.
  2. Our goals are very different and trying to find common ground either involves a lot of compromises or straight up, from my perspective, me giving up a lot of my goals entirely.  I am growing weary of having to give up what I desire simply to make my family and friends happy, and that is exactly the state of mind I was in that caused me to walk away a year ago. Not good.
  3. I now know what aspects of a relationship with a woman I am missing and still desire. It creates a longing in my heart that I cannot seem to shake.

Deep Breath.

I think it is time to look within.  Discover who I am again and out of that might flow a lot of answers.  It is time to awaken and to take that first breath of who I am now.  It is time to find that person and become them.

Deep Breath.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Identity and Job Search Frustrations” – A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues

Happy Wooden’s (Odin’s) Day

Journal Entry:

From a job search point of view, this has been a frustrating week.  I think I must have received at least 20 ‘you suck’ emails.  They don’t stop me from applying again for sometimes the same job but the amount this last week was much higher than normal and it is really starting to get to me. I ain’t gonna give up but man it makes the day to day a little difficult.  Probably what makes it worse right now is that I see my friends either with great jobs or getting new better ones and my ministry experience doesn’t seem to count for jack shit in the real world.

Closer to home a promotion at work was basically given to someone outside our department that knows nothing about what we do when there were plenty of people inside the department who were more than qualified. Including me. Makes for frustration at a level right now that creates a possibility of The Grey returning.

I suppose it is also this question of identity as well.  I mean I change my area of looking for a job quite a bit.  One day its business and the next it is the government, after that education.   Right now I would settle for something that just made more money so instead of just surviving we could make some headway toward our goals.

My problem is what am I comes up a lot in regards to career and that is something I cannot shake. I feel the next few years are going to be telling as to whether I make progress or not.  Age is a factor like it or not.  “It’s illegal to discriminate based on age in the United States, Rabyd Skald”. Yes, true, but there is that pile on some Human Resource management people’s desk called ‘too experienced’ or better ‘overqualified’. Just saying.

It all keeps coming back to ‘who am I?”

Self-Reliance:

“Self-Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual but also for the family, clan, tribe, and nation.”

Principle: To achieve and maintain personal independence and advocate for independence in my family, state and nation.

Goal:  Find a new, better paying job by September 2019.

Bucket List: To own and run my own successful business or company by March 2029.

If there is a place where my virtues and real-life are struggling it is here. Independence is achieved in part through financial independence and I am struggling to get on top of this. I want to do more than get by. I want to be free to pursue what I want to pursue and that requires some financial strength.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with the enjoyment of work itself.

GoalFinalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019 (achieved)

Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published by March 2022.

Despite it all I still enjoy working, I just also want to enjoy the work I am doing and know that financially I am working toward something better. Hard work should pay well, it just should. It is this growing feeling of being stuck that I despise, not work itself.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: To share out of my abundance to help people where I can with their life’s journey.

Goal: By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List: To own my own home by March 2024.

I still try to be helpful when I can though.  I would do more, but I need more to do that. I am not one of those guys who believes in prosperity without charity. To me, abundance has as a goal giving more.

Higher Virtue – Justice:

Being hard on yourself is an act of discipline, but there is a fine line into crossing into being unjust toward yourself. In the end, the self virtues are going to come back and help the business virtues.  I just need a win here in Business.  It seems like I lose a lot more than I should here. I want to be just toward myself though and note it isn’t for lack of trying. It would help if the gods or whoever would smile at least with something. But if they don’t listen, to hell with them, I am going forward the best I can.

Work Day Routine:

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Weightlifting: Gym time – 1 hour after work.
  5. Writing: Half-Hour on top of the blogging routine each day. Alternate between Non-Fiction Book and Novel.
  6. Language Study: 15 min. on Latin
  7. Reading – 1 chapter min.
  8. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, job search, other actions, etc.
  9. Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
  10. Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 2

Not much change here other than dropping Latin to 15 minutes and adding reading.

Still walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Reestablishing Routine” – A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues

Happy Wooden’s (Odin’s) Day

Journal Entry:

During the last couple of weeks, routine and the discipline that goes with them have not been good.  Mostly, I was struggling just to do what needed to be done for life, let alone doing the things that would improve it. So the rest of this week will be about getting back on the horse of Routine and making sure that they are going forward because they are the keys to stepping one step at a time closer to my goals.

I have maintained a few things and that tells me what is close to becoming a habit or is habit already.  The list there is getting up and doing the get ready for work parts, weightlifting, and blogging. Everything else fell by the wayside. That’s how bad The Grey can get me sometimes. So, I need to make sure everything is caught up and all things are in place and then get back at it.

For the record, last week’s Retrospect posts have in some ways done me good.  I still struggle but my screaming into the wind fo the Grey seems to have at least made me more focused and calm about it.  I am still haunted each day by ghosts but they seem less ‘scary’ to use that analogy.

Self-Reliance:

“Self-Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual but also for the family, clan, tribe, and nation.”

Principle: To achieve and maintain personal independence and advocate for independence in my family, state and nation.

Goal:  Find a new, better paying job by September 2019.

Bucket List: To own and run my own successful business or company by March 2029.

Independence is the word and it is a good one.  Maybe other people are not cut out for it, but I sure am ready for some.  The only challenges seem to be religious people trying to impose their religion on me, politicians who want to impose their view of how life should be on me and my society who want to impose their views of culture on me.  I think all of them get disappointed when the middle finger comes out.

A lot hinges on getting a new and better paying job, a lot of other goals become more reachable when this happens. In the meantime, my place of employment has a short term opportunity that would be a change which would be helpful in that regard. I have spent the last year basically being a grunt and that has allowed some time to heal and clear my head, but it is time to get back to doing what I do and making money at it. Management and leadership calls.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with the enjoyment of work itself.

Goal: Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019 (achieved)

Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published by March 2022.

I like working, I don’t always enjoy what my job is. But the virtue and principle of Indusriousness are still pretty much intact.

My novel has a year and a half left but it has to be done by the end of the year period so I can start to see if it is publishable. I might use NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) to get it further down the line as far as being written. November is a good month for that to be honest anyway.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: To share out of my abundance to help people where I can with their life’s journey.

Goal: By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List: To own my own home by March 2024.

Being compassionate is not difficult for me, I have long practice and experience.  I am just more cautious about who I am compassionate to and how many.

Group is still one of those things that a new job might help with.  Mostly I would like a steady consistent schedule and a place big enough to be part of one.  I could enjoy an existing group too, I am not against that, I just know the new job is going to have to be first.  Homeownership is still in front of me and also hinges on a new job.

Higher Virtue – Justice:

Of course, all of this is about acting justly in all situations. To be as ‘fair’ as possible to all parties.  Not an easy task but I have learned that being just with myself is key to the rest. I know I have to do it or things will get worse.

Work Day Routine:

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Weightlifting: Gym time – 1 hour after work.
  5. Writing: Half-Hour on top of the blogging routine each day. Alternate between Non-Fiction Book and Novel.
  6. Language Study: A half-hour on Latin
  7. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, other actions, etc.
  8. Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
  9. Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 2

I think a few more changes are in order here but not too many. I will see.

Still walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!