Rogue Wizard: The Fire of Fury – Part 2 – An Old ‘Friend’

Happy Saturn’s Day

Rogue Wizard’s Journal January 4th, 2019

Well…no sooner than to I talk about the law of magical attraction, as in magical attracts magical, and I find myself in its embrace.  Its cold, as an ice dragon’s breath, embrace.  I swear to the powers that be, if my luck ever turns good, it will probably be my last day on earth.  But perhaps I should start at the beginning.

I was feeling lonely and bored yesterday pacing around my apartment. I felt the sudden urge to just go get a value meal at the local hamburger pit and come back.  A risk given all my enemies, but at this point I was just ready to say ‘fuck it’ and move into battle mode.  I hopped into my black Dodge Journey and head down the road the few miles to said hamburger pit and walk in.  I get in line and order.  As I am waiting for my order to be fulfilled, I hear a soprano, sexy female voice behind me.

“Well, you look no worse for wear Edward, and your backside is still killer.  Broad shoulders too, I knew somehow you were an ugly duckling when we were in school.  You’re a sexy big man now.  The grey hair and goatee are definitely distinguished and attractive.  Gone is the skinny nerd boy.”

Yeah, my luck.  I knew the voice even though I hadn’t heard it in probably thirty years.  I turned around.

Lunette.  My pixie fellow classmate from 1987.  My teenage wet dream brought to life.  Lunette – girlfriend, lover and eventual pain in my ass.  She was older now and had lost that teenage prom queen look.  More curvy like her mother had been.  Sensual curves that made a man’s pulse race just looking at them.

“I work out. And you are just as lovely as you always were.  Definitely better.  No more innocent school girl look.  Just a plan sultry MILF. Assuming you have had children and are a mother.”

Lunette laughed.  She tell had those sparkling purple eyes and that perfect face.  Her hair, whose natural color was pinkish purple, was to her shoulders and wavy with perfect styling  She had sported a D cup as a senior in high school.  I would say she had DD cups now the way her shirt was straining to keep them in place.  She was dressed, in the cold of January, with what had to be yoga pants, nice heeled boots that came just short of the knee.  A sporty winter jacket was open so I could see the white t-shirt under it.  No purse as was her style.  Just a hair bow, earrings and gloves.  Everything some sort of shade of either purple or pink.  Her black wings, butterfly like with pink trim, fluttered behind her.

Now, because she is for all practical purposes a master of illusion, what she looked like to others I could not guess.  She was however not using her illusion power with me to disguise herself.  I was seeing her as she was.

“We always could pull off that sexy banter flawlessly couldn’t we?”

“Yeah, the problem was never the sex or sexy parts, Lunette.  It was the relationship.”

We both laughed this time.

In my mind I began to go over the more interesting points of our relationship.  Let’s see, she and I had known each other since middle school.  We maintained a kind of romantic relationship off and on through middle school.  She was in a very real sense my first love. The problem of course with pixies is they have the sexual fidelity level of a goat.  To them sex is just something you do for enjoyment and boy do they enjoy it.  The other issue is a mage’s magical aura is like crack cocaine to a pixie.  As Lunette’s mother informed me once – it’s gives a girl pixie super orgasms to make love to a human mage.  Hell, even touching a mage and kissing him can be a thrill for a pixie.

On the flip side, the love-making process supercharges a mage’s power.  This came in handy the one time I was stabbed with a magically poisoned knife.  I could only use my own healing spells to fight it and they just were not strong enough.  Lunette volunteered to make love to me while I cast the healing spells on myself. She herself had lost her wings (they were ripped off leaving bloody gashes) because of breaching pixie honor codes and I think she was in some senses trying to redeem herself.  The result was I lost my virginity, had enough power to heal myself from the magical poison and Lunette’s wings grew back almost instantly. It was a moment etched in my brain like a branding iron on skin.

The guy behind the counter said my order number and I went over and got my food while keeping and eye on Lunette.

“Edward, can I sit with you and talk.  You are not stupid, so I am going to guess you have figured out I am not just here to swap stories and sexy banter.  You don’t mind if I just steal a few of your fries do you?  I am watching my figure.”

“You and every red-blooded male within eye shot.”

She laughed again. We sat down in a corner booth as far as we could get from the busy area of the burger pit.  I poured the fries out onto the tray and split some off pushing them toward Lunette.  I dumped salt on mine and got to work on my burger.

“So…you wanted to talk…talk.”, I said between mouthfuls.

Lunette took up a fry and ate it.  She then smiled.

“I guess I should catch up first.  I am no longer with the Grove.  El…I mean SHE kicked me out a little after she kicked you out.  Said something about not trusting me.”

“Wow, go figure.  Thanks for not mentioning her name.”

“Sarcasm noted. I read your file.”

“I have a file?”

“Well yes, we pixies may be a bunch of narcissistic, sex crazed layabouts but we do keep records of those in the magical world. Especially those with power.  Your’s says that certain people should not be mentioned by name to you.”

“Wow. And I know nothing about you since we parted. You don’t even come to class reunions.”

“I know you got married, were a pastor for twenty years.  Have three kids, four grand kids.  You had a recent affair with member of your congregation, although I could find no evidence it was physically sexual.  Sad that, the gossip would have been juicy.”

“I am sure the gossip is far more interesting than the reality.  It’s still juicy enough.”

“Yes, it is. I know that you have had a crisis of faith and are no longer a Christian. You graduated with a third degree pending finishing your internship. You and your wife reconciled right before the divorce hearing.  Then she was killed November 1st.  I can confirm for you it was a necromancer that did it. The spell went astray somehow, I wish I could say how, but necromancy isn’t my thing.  It might have been the Death Angels, but I couldn’t confirm that.”

“Well, you know enough about me.  I still don’t know shit about you since I last saw you.  Well, other than your curves have gotten even more dangerous.  What happened to you since we last were together? ”

Lunette seemed to ponder this for a moment. Struggling with what to reveal.

“Well, I….”

Lunette never got to go forward with her thought as a bright flash appeared outside the window we were sitting at.  I cast my shield around me and Lunette. Just in time too as a bolt of some sort of energy smashed through the window where we were and struck my shield pushing both of us out of our seats and sending us flying away from the blast.  The shield absorbed most of our fall.  I kept it up while standing to my feet.  I looked over at Lunette who seemed irritated more than anything.  Then she flashed a smile at me and shrank down to pixie size leaving her clothes in a pile on the floor. I saw her streak away like a bolt of light out the window.  I jumped through after her.  I kept my shield up and strengthened it by concentrating on it, keeping my left arm in a ‘L’, like I was holding an actual shield.

What I saw was Lunette doing her pin ball blast thing of one opponent to the next releasing powerful energy every time she hit one.  It’s like being gut punched with a small electrical shock attached.  I know; I had experienced it.   Her opponents were an odd assortment of three.  I could see a troll, a mage in black robes and another girl who seemed slight and pointy.  Oh, yeah probably an elf.  She was dressed in black too, but looked like a goth chick.

I didn’t waste time assessing the fashion sense of my opponents, as the black-robed one was pointing his arms at me.  A burst of flames came from them and was absorbed by my shield. Powerful, but not powerful enough to get through my stuff. I just extended my right arm and let loose with my magical lightning from my finger tips. It struck all three of them. and the two mages instantly fell backwards.  Magical lightning has the added effect of temporarily reducing the power of mages.  The troll on the other hand came right for me.  Fuck.

I did the only thing I could do at that point which was to shift to fire which instantly caused the Troll to scream and back away.

“Nasty fire. Grumn not like it.” It shrieked.

I didn’t care what Grumn liked.  I am 6′ 5″ in the summer and this grey-skinned troll had me by a foot. I wasn’t going to go fist fight with it.  Lunette was keeping the mages off-balance; so I dropped my shield and left fire loose with both hands.  The troll ran away burning and screaming.  The two mages, seeing the tables had been turned, took off after it.  I was going to pursue but thought the better of it.  They might have a fall back ambush point, friends or both. Lunette seemed to feel the same as she came streaking back toward me.

She hovered in front of my eyes.  Shit.  She wasn’t the prom queen girl anymore in every sense of the word.  A full-fledged woman now with all the naked sexy woman curves on display in front of me.  She smiled at me  knowing what I was looking at, but she quickly gave me instructions.

“Edward, you need to know one thing now and I will try to contract you later with the rest.  It isn’t safe here, you need to go home and get behind your wards.  I will contract you there later. The thing you need to know is the Mages and Pixies are at war.  Not a little local skirmish either, it’s a full-fledged, world-wide war. I have to go. See you later.”

With that she kissed the tip of my nose and turned and took off.  She shook her ass at me like she used to when we were in high school as she flew away. That pixie woman was going to be trouble in more ways than I wanted to think about at that moment.

The Pixies and the Mages are in a world war.  Well, shit.

That’s all for now.  I am certain Lunette will contact me soon.  As much as I don’t like it, I needed her right now. She truly the only magical ‘friend’ I have and the only source of information about what is going on in the world of magic as well. Shit.  This isn’t going to go well is it?

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Odin’s Eye – A Pagan Thanksgiving

 

Happy Thor’s Day – Happy Thanksgiving!!!

If someone were to ask me if I could still celebrate Thanksgiving as a non-Christian, I would probably respond – “You still think Thanksgiving is a Christian holiday?  That’s cute.”  The thing is that when you study holidays in general you see a couple of things.  Nearly all cultures and religions have a celebration of thanksgiving to whatever powers are worshiped at the harvest time.  All of them.  The other thing you see is when a country or culture accepts Christianity,  Christians basically repackage the pagan holidays and re-symbolize them for themselves.  In short, Christians have stolen or blended with holidays from all different traditions since Christianity was founded as the early Jewish Christians still celebrated Jewish holidays.  Mostly what you see today is Christians have stolen various holiday traditions from paganism and blended them with their own. It’s why some pagans get mad about the whole thing.

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Personally, I am taking a different tack this Thanksgiving. I am a deist and I will probably whisper a prayer (something I rarely do anymore) of pure thanksgiving to whatever powers are really out there, if any. But to be honest there are thanks that could be given to many people for that celebration and for the prosperity I receive. So my list of thanks goes to people this year.

  1. I thank my wife for being a forgiving soul who loves me despite all the things that have happened between us.  I haven’t been a very good husband this year, but she deserves wife of the year honors.  Thank you baby. I love you more than ever before.
  2. I thank my Mother for being so generous to us in the past decades for housing us an sheltering us.  She has put up with a lot and still loves us.
  3. I thank my kids for being good kids. You have all followed your hearts and have learned to love with power.  All of you have expressed your love for me this last year and I can’t tell you how much that means to me. Thank you.
  4. I thank my grand kids for being kids.  For showing how there can be pure joy in the world for the simple things of life.  For showing me that no matter what the news says, I can see hope in your eyes.
  5. I thank my fellow students at school and my professors.  The learning environment over the years has been awesome.  That is mostly due to you.
  6. I thank my coworkers.  You have given me comradeship that I do value.  It’s nice to work with you, laugh with you and just share this working experience with you.  You make the burdens of it lighter.
  7. As I look at my feast, I thank the farmers, ranchers and all the people who make it possible. To the people who plant, grow, raise, harvest, process and transport all of it – Thank you.
  8. For everyone who keeps the heat and lights on, provides the basics of life and the luxuries.  Thank you.
  9. I thank the watchers of the wall. While I think many of the so-called threats to the nation are the politicians made up are garbage done for political ploys, I know there are real threats out there that you guard against. Thank you.
  10. To my friends, to the ones I have left anyway.  Thanks for sticking with me.  I haven’t made it easy this year I know.  I appreciate the real friends who didn’t bolt at the first sign of trouble.

Yeah, I am going to thank people this year.  Thank you all.

In Thanksgiving,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer (Part 3) – Confessions

 

Happy Tyr’s Day

Introduction:

I just don’t have time this week to do a proper Of Wolves and Ravens.  School is starting to have the potential to kick my ass and I am having to bear down a bit.  It’s OK though, because it gives me a chance to do an update on my constant battle with depression aka The Grey.  I could just write and say things are cool, but that would be a lie.  I would assess myself as functional but struggling.

I never realized how much betrayal would be a depression trigger.  The pain of loss of friendship I think does it. We all objectify people from time to time.  It’s the main philosophical problem of our age brought to life.  We no longer see people as people like ourselves but rather as problems to be moved aside or dealt with.  I work hard every day to see people as people.  Even more so since I failed at that with my wife in particular. But my greater motivation is now I very much know what it feels like to be treated as an object as well.  Once you have been treated that way, you never forget it and you either work hard not to make others feel that way in return or….you fade into The Grey.

As a warning here at this point. What follows is a discussion of the three things I would be talking to my counselor about if I could afford one.  Some of these are sensitive in the sense they can invoke strong feelings.  Particularly, if you are family in some sense or another either through blood, long association as my friend or even through my church ties some way, this warning is for you to stop reading at this point, unless you feel you can take the sensitive emotions of the issues presented. I am going to try to be as transparent as possible without being hurtful, but I don’t know how people will react all the time, so the warning is for you.

On a practical note, the reason I am doing this is these issues are making it difficult to concentrate on work or school because they are the closure issues I have been mentioning.  It should be noted that on all of these, other people have different views of the events and have called me cowardly and a lair for my viewpoint.  I can only present things from my perspective and based on my own conversations with others.  The problem still remains that others are telling my story and I want to tell it myself to set a more complete account.  I don’t care if you believe me.  This is me getting things off my heart and mind for my sake.

Old Flame:

I want to say that even with all the strength and love I have gained from restoring my relationship with my wife, I still have residual pain over loving another and the breakup that followed.  I don’t think that should be surprising or shocking as you can’t emotionally invest in someone and not have that happen.  What I find hard is not walking away from this relationship as any romantic love I had for her is gone, but mostly how it came apart and the reason why it came about.  This is one I think I am just going to have to learn to live with and pretty much learn to do it on my own.  I have had a hard time hating people for hurting me like this, but I know I can’t trust them and that makes me sad.  Mostly I get mad at both of us for taking this relationship too far.  Oddly enough, I still miss the friendship and I learned a valuable lesson on boundaries being important.

I think though this is one of those wounds that will get better with time.  I also think it will never heal completely. Mostly I have found healing here in turning my attention to my relationship with my wife and building that.

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‘Friendship’ Lost: 

The second issue is I had a long time friend with my last church.  We did a lot of things together and sat next to each other for well over nine years.  We were in a small group together for the same length of time.  We knew each other very well.  Or I thought I did. The one thing I felt I could do with this person was trust them with something important and in this case my resignation.

My plan was to have my resignation read the one Sunday and then come in the next when I wasn’t feeling so emotional distraught and explain things. That never got to happen.  This person set me up.

a) They convinced me to remove all references to the reasons I was resigning – I had been involved in an inappropriate relationship.  The reasons for removal given to me were not wanting to start gossip in the church and not dragging the girl into all this. I felt the reasons he gave were solid, so I removed the references to the affair, figuring I could go in the church the next week and deal with that issue.

b) I now know the very day that I gave my ‘friend’ my revised resignation, with all references to the affair removed, he called the woman I had been involved with up and asked her permission in using her name for him to tell the story to the church.  He did that after reading my resignation.  This made it very much look like I was hiding something, and he was being the noble guy telling everyone the truth.

c) On the Monday that followed the story of what happened came to me though my mother and several others who called me. There was even a plan in place already of how the vote would take place in a few weeks to decide things. None of this was ever shared with me during the months that followed in any official capacity.  If it hadn’t been for a few members of my flock who disagreed with how things were being handled and kept me informed, I would never have known anything.

d) I texted this person and asked very simply what was going on.  That was June 5th, 2018.  I still have the text I sent.  It has never been responded to.  This person has made no effort to contact me since.  Ever.

The sad thing is that I would not have handled things this way had the roles been reversed. I would have given him two things he obviously didn’t give me.

Love – I would have given him the benefit of the doubt and certainly would have allowed him to tell his own side of things and not take it upon myself to do that.  The story that followed that I heard had definitely been blown up far bigger than it was and had obvious falsehoods. I would have made sure only established facts were told and crushed any rumors that couldn’t be verified.

Time – I would have given him time to think over things. In retrospect what I should have done is taken a week off to think things over and then resigned the following week myself in person.  That’s the time factor I am speaking of. I would have given him these two things because that’s what friends do.

I am not sure what bothers me the most, but one thing I wrestle with is whether this truly is a friendship lost or did I really have a friend there to begin with? I am beginning to think I was nothing more to this guy than an object, that when no longer usable to him and his agenda, I was discarded.  That pisses me off.  The problem is no matter how many times I pay over the scenario, I keep running into the later conclusion.  I know forgiveness is a powerful tool in recovery from things like this, but this one I haven’t forgiven yet. At least fully.

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I want to make it clear, I am not looking for vengeance and I would never hurt him physically.  That is just not me.  What is me is being patient and waiting for the wheel of time to keep turning.  If someday I get to balance the scales of justice thanks to fate, providence or karma, I will take it without hesitation. The difference will be I will stab him in the chest while looking him in the eye. Metaphorically speaking, not literally – I hope the man lives a long but miserable life.

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Now before everyone lectures me about Christian forgiveness, I will remind people I am not longer religious or a Christian.  One thing I do feel is that justice should be served.  I may be a former adulterer, but I at least tried to confess it to my flock and would have if not for this man’s interference. I know he is a two-faced, backstabbing liar and that is enough for me.  I doubt he will ever admit it, so he continues to lie to cover things up.  Maybe he lies to himself more than anyone else.

On thing I do think is such a thing should come to an end as he has no honor or sense of fidelity.  I just hope I am around to see it; so I can smile as the fall takes place.  There is an old proverb – “Meditate on the bank of the river long enough, and you will see the body of your enemy floating by.”  Hopefully it is true. If you hear the sound of clapping when it happens, it will be me applauding as the body floats by.

Perhaps you are also saying I am going back on my treating people was people with this one.  I would say I am simply following Christianity here seeing he is a Christian.  I am treating him like he treated me.  That’s apparently how he wants to be treated, because that how he treated me.  As a pagan with a pagan sense of justice, I just want to see the scale balanced.

‘Few’ Goodbyes:

Oddly enough this is not the toughest thing.  It’s the lack of the ability to say goodbye to my flock that hurts the most sometimes.  Despite my struggles with faith and the affair, I still loved and cared for them like a shepherd.  Because of how this was handled by my ‘friend’, I knew there would be a lynch mob waiting for me after that if I went back.  I have been left with people contacting me and that has been few in number.  Each time it has happened though, I have had a measure of healing come into my life.

I don’t really blame them.  I know they were misinformed and tricked by someone they trust. It’s why I was fired and denied severance as well.  I let a lot of that go and because they were my sheep I loved very much; I forgive them.  The treacherous ram in the middle of them?  Well, he just showed his true colors. I never should have turned my back to him. Live and learn.

Maybe in a year or so I can go back and say goodbye to those who are still there.  By then perhaps people will have different thoughts on the whole thing.  I don’t know.  My daughter has always joked with me that she was going to throw an over the hill party when I turned 50. I guess the invite list could have a few select people from the church on it if she does. I definitely wouldn’t mind seeing some of them again.  They are good people and I miss many of them.

Conclusion:

I don’t know if this has done anything but help me get through the fog a little and see clearly my path.  You don’t get very far glancing over shoulder or looking back.  My whole thing is to identify what is weighing me down and find a way to deal with it.  Either to cast it off, change it so it isn’t so heavy or learn how to cope with it. I think writing this out and having it out there has been good for my soul.  I need that right now and this has definitely helped as I have written it.  It’s good to know your enemy and even better when part of that enemy is yourself.

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Once again, my purpose here is not to stir up feelings.  If I have, I do apologize.  But I have been struggling with this for a little while now.  I have talked with my wife about it and that has helped but I needed to clear my head.   One thing that has always helped has blogging about stuff.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Rogue Wizard: The Fire of Fury – Part 1 – Past Reflections

Happy Saturn’s Day 

Rogue Wizard’s Journal – January 1st, 2019

2018 was one bad year.  I mean I did finishing my degree at school, I am now looking for a new job in earnest and I have an internship to complete.  But there was also losing my faith, my ministry as a pastor, almost losing my marriage and all the crap of the rest of it.  Honestly, I am glad 2018 behind me and hope that 2019 is better.  I guess why I am starting this journal thing is I want to see what happens and chronicle it for a lot of reasons.  It should be noted that each entry could be my last.

That is one reason I am doing this journal.  The Council made me do this thing where I chronicled my past from the time I got my magical abilities until I set them aside in my late teens.  I guess I got used to writing the chronicles of my life and now that I have once again taken up the mantle of ‘wizard’, I think it might be helpful for posterity sake. Particularly if something happens to me, that I can leave a record of my battle against the tyranny that is the Council.  I may have had to leave my family behind at some point and go underground to protect them.  I hope this journal will explain things to them if it finds itself in their hands.  Seeing it can only be seen and touched by someone who shares my lineage, it might remain hidden from the Council and find its way to them.

My recent magical troubles started with the death of a person who I shared a protective link with; which meant the protection that link gave me from discovery vanished.  My innate magical abilities could be detected and I was indeed captured by the Council because I was unaware this had happened.  I wasn’t really captured, so much as constantly being watched and warned not to try to run.  House arrest you might say.

During this time I was asked, not too politely to chronicle the story of how I discovered my powers, what people influenced my magical abilities and why I set them aside. I did this and it was of immense interest to them but the joke was on them.  I put a spell in the ink that very few know.  It basically sets itself on fire once the spell’s trigger is cast.  All those journal entries, up in smoke as soon as the last entry was written and read.  Lost forever.

I also pretty much gave the middle finger to the Council with my final entry. “Come get me bitches.”  Probably not the wisest thing to do. Well they did, but they miss fired and hit my wife instead.

“Sorry, sir.  Your wife is dead and we are damned if we can find a cause.”

Terrible words to hear, seeing my wife and I had just reconciled after almost getting a divorce. But I knew the cause, magic.  I could practically smell it and at the funeral when I was finally left alone with her body, a quick magic spell told me I was right – some sort of death spell.  I also at that moment knew that neither I nor my family was safe. I could mourn my wife to the point of being vulnerable or turn the love I had for her into motivation to act.  I chose the latter.

To my family who may find this – I love you, but I am sure that the Council would kill every single one of you to get to me.  I may have to leave to protect you because I love you. I can’t say anything because the less you know about where I might go and where I might be the better.

The fact my wife died on November 1st is probably fitting as it is All Saints’ Day. I am not much of a Christian anymore, but my wife is probably the best example of Christian forgiveness I know.  It has only been a short time but a lot has happened.

I used her life insurance to pay all our debts and finish off our apartment lease.  I was in constant fear most of this time that the Council would try again but I have remained calm. Done what need to be done and now that school is over, I have little to do except continue to look for a job.  I have enough life insurance left to hold me over for six months with everything paid off, so there is no immediate rush. I have an internship to do in the spring term, so I am going to do that.

The real puzzle I am having in my head is why the Council has not tried again?  I can’t figure it, as I was sure they would try right after their misfires.  That death spell is necromancy of the first order and that means the Death Angels – The Council’s number one hit squad.  I mean they could have attacked and had it out with me by now but in truth I haven’t even detected any magical presence nearby.  It is a puzzle.

I am not afraid of that final confrontation one way or the other.  I have discovered my abilities have not really suffered that much in the interim.  I mean I need to practice a little to get my skills back up, but my raw naked magical ability is still up there.  This is particularly true in schools of magic known as evocation and abjuration.  For the layperson, that means I am really good and burning, electrifying and freezing shit and protecting myself with shields that nullify from the same, as well as protect me from other forces.  I am good and Divination but not great, so I can discern and detect things with magic.  Illusion is weak, like feeble weak.  I suck at conjuration, enchantment and transmutation, so only the most basic spells in those schools I can do. I have never even tried necromancy – not even a single spell.

I am actually quite unusual in this regard that I can do two schools with a great deal of power and skill.  Most mages have one and maybe a secondary.  I really have two, and a secondary along with other small abilities in the rest except Necromancy. I refuse to go Necromancy, so I don’t really know there.  Hey, I may be rogue wizard but a trip to the dark side is not in the cards – yet.

My battle abilities ready, they have yet to be recently tested.  So, I break out my books of magic and study.  I set my wards to block detection and my security runes using evocation.  My office room in the apartment now looks more like a wizards lab.  Thankfully the landlady doesn’t have reason to even talk to me seeing I paid my rent to the end of summer.  At least the rest of the place is clean. It’s the one thing I am OCD about.

The real problem is all my former contacts in the magical world are either dead, far away, estranged from me or I have no idea where they might be. I am really blind when it comes to intelligence and I am pretty much friendless in the magical world.  Well not completely without friends in the magical world – there is Nevermore.

Nevermore is my familiar – He is a Raven.  Just today I pulled him out of his pocket dimension and he looked at me with the most quizzical expression.  Then I remembered it had been thirty years to me, but to Nevermore time had not passed.  He knew it was me because of our bond, but he was probably wondering why his young friend looked so old.  I told him the story and apologized to him for waiting so long to revive him.  He cawed softly.  I stroked his head.  At least I wasn’t completely alone.

I could look for allies,  I mean the Grove is just of couple miles away; I still live in Redberg.  That said, I know I was banned for life from the Grove. All I would get would be spears and swords, if I went there. Yeah, no hope in that direction. The entity that rules that place shut me out a long time ago and quite frankly seeing her again would be very painful to me. So what does that leave?  Not much.  Perhaps I can journey to one of the cities and find the underground magic community.  Who knows?  Right now, I would give anything if Mr and Mrs. W were still alive. But they are gone and so is my father and my wife.

If I have learned anything about magic though, it is that people who practice it get drawn together.  It is like a magnet. I know for instance now that I am using my power more it will draw people like the faerie to it like moths to flame.  The word will get out that I am back which causes other problems. As much as I have few friends left in the magical world, I really don’t know the state of my enemies.

Let’s See.  I killed the Mane of House Mars when I was in eight grade/freshman. I am fairly certain that they were trying to kill me for that right up until I dropped off the radar.  House Venus asked me to do something that I refused to do which in their world is a breach of trust.  I had promised them I would honor them for their silence about my existence by doing what they asked from time to time.  I was under the impression I had some choice about what I would do; they disagreed.  There is a reason The Council knows I am here and it is House Venus. There is also the assorted faerie from the Grove who might hostile.  Several mages and creatures I have beaten in battle. Yeah, the list of enemies is long.

This is a real problem as get back into this dangerous game. Allies can be the difference between life and death and I have far too few of them. On the flip side, my enemies list could get really long in a quick hurry. Hell, it’s already too long. I need to do some prodding and poking to see what shakes loose. I need most of all to know why the entirety of the Council’s Death Angels haven’t come down on my head already.

Hopefully by my next entry, I will have some answers.  The clock just struck midnight so – Happy New Year.

Author’s Notes: As I start this project, I am sure people are wondering the rationale behind killing my wife off.  Well, it is certainly not because I wish it to happen. I would say the most devastating thing that could happen to me right now would be my wife dying. She has been my rock in my life of late.  She has most definitely brought healing to me and her love is my motivation.

No.  The Rationale is that it would be the one thing that would probably motivate me to vengeance if someone killed her.  I wouldn’t take that lying down; someone would pay for it. Characters need motivation and the character of the Rogue Wizard, that persona, needs motivation that is very personal.

November 1st is also where the time lines between my real life and the time line of this fictional story split. This story is completely divergent in its time line.  I can do everything differently that it in reality pans out. In the real-time line my wife is alive and well and I hope she stays that way for decades to come.

The issue of past characters I brought up last time in the introduction.  There is one that will never appear and I think in this chapter I have addressed who they are and why they will never appear. That’s not to say they won’t influence the story because they were a large part of the backdrop canon known as The Hedge.  But that is all it will be influence and backdrop. I knew people would be asking questions about it, so I hope I have headed things off.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Rogue Wizard: The Fire of Fury – Serial Introduction

Happy Saturn’s Day

I have longed to do another urban/modern fantasy series.  I love the thought of magic in the modern scientific world and what that could do to a story has always been a favorite concept.  I have done several things in this world backdrop and in my opinion some of my best writing is in this genre.

Using myself as the basis of a character is not new either, but I did go into that full-fledged in my last modern fantasy series – The Hedge Wizard of Redburg.  You can no longer read this, as I deleted the blog it was on and did not copy the content.  I wanted it lost forever other than memories of it still are in my head and perhaps the head of another. It was a labor of love and even though it was very good artistically, on personal level it needed to go.  It conjured up to many emotional conflicts in myself.

That said, it was good shit. Like high quality marijuana good shit. I mean it was some of the best writing have done to date and with a little polishing it could have been publishable.  Part of that was the love I put into it and I am trying to recover that but focus on the right person to love this time – my wife.  I want this to be a labor of love for her. The irony is she will not appear in it directly as that is another part of this experiment – learning to write out of love for my wife, while being able to write all kinds of things that don’t really involve her.  I am kind of taking a half way approach where I am in the story and not her.  Hopefully I can write later stuff without me or her in it and still be out of love for her.  I need her to be my muse and I think that this can be done by writing this series as a way to get that started.

How do I do this? Well, by doing a divergent time line for myself personally where she gets killed by the bad guys.  This provides my motivation to strike back – love for her causes me to become a rebel and strike against the wizard system of this world.  For this the Hedge Wizard becomes the backdrop canon for my background.  It will be mentioned infrequently and a couple of characters will make a reappearance.  Nothing emotionally challenging as all of them are fictional and not based on real people.  The Council, The Houses, the Faerie as well as all the rest will be there as they were.  I just want to save time there, but not bring up old wounds. So I am going to be pretty selective in how things take place and which characters get in this series and for what reason.  There will be a lot of new characters too.

The main character will be me. Well me in a different world, with a different timeline because of magic.  Names of people and places will be changed to protect the innocent and guilty and because this is really a true fantasy about a divergent timeline and the future, nothing is really based on real events.  It’s based on how I perceive I would react to being a wizard in the modern world and I had experienced a great tragedy.  What would I do if some one I love very much were to be taken away and the authorities could do nothing about it, but I had the power to do something about it?  It’s a moral question I will be asking throughout this series and the major theme.  That along with – How far would I be willing to go to get justice/vengeance? What happens as you grieve and work though it will be there too, and the struggle between a desire for justice and the guilt you feel for your own responsibility in the problem?

I want to emphasize this is an experiment and it might not work.  I hope if you read it; it is enjoyable to you.  My goal is to find that deep love for writing something because I have a deep love for someone.  I want that to start motivating all my writing. because for me it ups my game by 20 times or more.  It could also fail, so be advised this series could be short-lived or last for years.  I really don’t know.   There is also an element of writing for therapy in this and I can’t deny that if it works, then I might either slow down or speed up depending on the results.  This is one avenue that I have decided to use to get closure on some things so there is that emotional aspect.

Don’t worry, The Grey Wayfarer serial will also continue next week and I will make a point to write it every other week til the end of the year.  After graduation and finding a new job, I might write on it and this new one more often and I have other ideas.  For the first time in my life I am also seriously considering writing novels as a way to make money and so I will probably be working on my first one very soon after graduation.  I have thought of being a writer as a career and now it seems it’s a good time to test those waters as any.  I am hoping this experiment will lead to a high level of motivation and love for writing again. One that lasts.

So next week there will probably be a double dip of The Grey Wayfarer and Rogue: Wizard – The Fire of Fury. Then we will go from there.  Hope you enjoy it.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

 

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – The State of My Body

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal:

Well, with heart and mind finished it is time to turn to my body.  I must say when I look back at all the shit I went through this summer, I am glad I did focus on my body and health because it gave me a focus to work on through all that.  I still found a way to get to the gym regularly and I began to focus on nutrition.

I now hover slightly under 300 lbs.  I am six-foot four and I have lifted weights for a couple of decades, so I have a good deal of muscle mass, so I don’t think I will ever be able to drop below 250.  The lowest weight I achieved in the last ten to fifteen years is 285 and that was with a pretty extreme diet but it could have been tweaked because I still was eating a lot of carbs back then.  With my new diet, I am interested in seeing how low I can go now.

That said, my main measure of progress is not my weight.  It actually is standing naked in front of a mirror.  Yeah, that’s right because it’s the only way to give yourself and honest assessment and provide motivation.  You stand there until you can see clearly what the problems are and get mad enough to do something about them.  I still have three problems areas which are my inner thighs, my waistline and my pecs.  In the first and last of these there is a little fat still present but it’s surrounded by loose skin from the losses so far.  My waistline is definitely lighter but there is still room for progress.  Only time will tell if my skin will lay flat.

I as glad for the progress this summer but I am still making some now.  The real thing this summer was that my heart was wounded and my mind muddled but my body was doing good. It was getting stronger, leaner and feeling better.  It’s probably what kept me from completely losing it.

My diabetes was heading the right direction at my last checkup.  The real great unknown is that the only health coverage we could afford at the moment was something that covers if the shit hits the fan and not much else.  My doctor also has moved to clinic practice and I will have to find a new one anyway.  This is where I really need to find a new job and reassess things as far as health care, because I and my wife are at an age where things need constant monitoring at least a couple of times a year.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

There are two opposing views that work in my head all the time – The one in my head that says I can do better and the other one that says no one is perfect.  I believe in driving myself to be better, but acknowledging that Rome wasn’t built in a day, so it’s one step at a time thing.  So far I think that everything I can provide discipline for has it. I am constantly evaluating my development and how things are going.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

It could be said that I get up every time I fail.  That said, sometimes it can take a bit of time.  Time is not something I have a lot of these days.  It could be said that I am facing the crunch of the end of the semester and graduation looms, so as I also said on Monday watching my six a lot emotionally, so I don’t have a meltdown at the crucial time. Being able to take a hit and still be standing and moving forward is important right now and I need to be in that state of mind and heart.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

I get asked how thing are going between my wife and I from time to time. I can only say that we have our good days and bad but it’s more good than bad.  The observation I would make is that we are healing our marriage which both of us acknowledge was damaged by both of us which led to certain vulnerabilities.  It’s this process of learning to build again, to build loyalty between us and a wall around us that is our chief focus.

The situation kind of forces us to stick together. Thanks to the ministry, we are about 20 years behind all the rest of our friends of the same age as far as financial security.  Both of us have said it feels like we are back in Bible college times but we are older and wondering what time warp is this?  We either stand back to back or we are going to be in trouble, so that helps the fidelity question on our marriage.

The other areas of fidelity are solid and always have been at least on my side.  I actually have considered going through my friends list on Facebook and doing another purge.  There are just some people who are my ‘friends’ but I haven’t had any interaction with them for years. I keep my circle small.  I value loyalty as much as I try to give it.  I value it more than the number of friends I have.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

Seems solid other than when I have a class canceled or like this week my car breaks down and I had to skip a class, the walking needs and alternative.  Cleaning and Weightlifting will be finished Saturday so that is good.

Nutrition:

I have an intermediate goal that may find its way on to my goal list.  To be in the best shape possible for my 50th birthday which is in March. Nutrition is going to be a big part of that and I need to lock down my eating habits from now until then.  I have received more remarks this month than in a long time as to how much weight if have lost and how good I look.  A lot of that has to do with the Paleo Diet and intermittent fasting.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – My heart is a wreck still but I have made some progress in learning how to heal, the need to find closure has been identified and I feel that even though this section of the NNV is in some cases my weakest, it is getting better.

Business – Really this is just working things as I try to finish my school and get a better job.  It’s about working the early stages of the plan to set a foundation for prosperity.  My mind is coming into focus but it really still needs some work and I am trying to do that work better.

Self – This is the best area of my life right now.  I feel stronger, leaner and better physically than I have in years.  Discipline is returning to my life and I feel good about that.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Pagan Pulpit – Havamal 77 – Thoughts on Mortality

Happy Sun’s Day

Announcements:

We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.

We also don’t take an offering here.  We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it.  Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it.  Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.

Probably and additional announcement is that the Pagan pulpit will be more and more taking on a more personal touch – mine.  I really am kind of combining a lot of things here from an old blog that I liked.  It will be my musings on things from music to poems and other things.  My thoughts will be front and center and they are about my weekly journey.  If by sharing these things with you, you are helped a little in your own journey than that is bonus and a joy to me.

Opening Song: Metallica – Creeping Death (Live Seattle 1989)

One of my favorite Metallica songs.  The final plague on the Egyptians turned into a metal song.  Awesome.

Poem:

“Awaiting the Valkyrie”

The war of life will someday claim my  soul.

May I live a life worthy of song.

Broken and wounded I may be,

But my heart longs to see the Valkyrie

To take me to a place of the honored dead.

Whose stories forever ring throughout the ages

The soul at last at peace

Celebrated and immortal.

– Ed Raby, Sr.  – October 30, 2018

This poem probably speaks to the occasional long that we all have for things to be over.  When my end comes, I would like to be remembered well.

Meditation:

People ask me all the time why I like stories.  Well because all stories resonate with my own.  It’s what makes our existence common; that we all are a story.

Song of Preparation:

This isn’t my favorite Three Door’s Song, but it definitely hits the heart of all of us in what we want and how we feel about those closest to us that have passed into the unknown.

Text: Havamal 77

“Your cattle shall die; your kindred shall die; you yourself shall
die; one thing I know which never dies: the judgment on each one dead.”

Sermon:

Coming off Halloween there is always that element where one thinks about death.  I mean we have skulls and bones everywhere.  The undead walk from zombies to vampires to mummies.  Our popular mythology is laced with characters that overcome and cheat death. In religion, the afterlife is a common thread.

When I was a Christian, the view I often had been that heaven or some afterlife was necessary to give life meaning and purpose.  Perhaps this is one truth that many religions hit on, as death seems to take away everything.  Ecclesiastes is a great book for pointing this out but the conclusion is a bit of logical leap as the only meaning to life it gives is to fear God and do what he tells you.  I don’t think that works for me anymore or for perhaps a lot of you.

The painful truth is that death might genuinely be the end of it all for each of us or that the afterlife is nothing like we expect. That’s the problem, it really is an unknown.

So how to find purpose and meaning to life with the reality of death ever before you?  There have been many theories and perhaps this is why we are incurably religious as a species.  We don’t like the thought that we will end.  We want to continue and so we hope that something is on the other side of death.  But in the end I think Marcus Aurelius hit it on the head. We should live a good life.  If God, the gods or whatever are just, they will look at the virtues you have lived by not how devoted you were.  If they are not just, then we should not want to serve them anyway.  If there isn’t any gods or afterlife; then well, we have the memories in the hearts of those we loved as our final thoughts.

Image result for marcus aurelius quoteOf course you are left to yourself as to which virtues make up your good life. For me the Nine Noble Virtues of Asatru form a good solid list and one that, regardless of who I meet and what religion they may or may not have, can be respected.  The Havamal reminds us that the one thing that does not die is the judgement of the dead. The best way then to face death is to live life and live it fully.

Parting Song: Zergananda – The Path to Valhalla

Epic and one view of many.  I personally think any view of the afterlife that involves courageously facing ones death is a good one.

Have a Great Week

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – The Self Virtues – Difficulties or Conditions

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal:

My wife and I had our counseling session and the one item that has been rolling in my head continues to be closure.  When I brought up some of the situations I felt I didn’t have closure on, he asked me if they were difficulties or conditions.  A difficulty is something that you can do something to fix.  Conditions are something that is basically you have to live with.  A difficulty might be a broken arm; a condition might be to have diabetes.  One you can over time fix and heal from. The other is something you will bear the pain and responsibility for maintaining for the rest of your life.

I never really answered what I thought to each of these situations would be to him.  It was more something I was left to think on and so I’m here writing this journal entry and wondering what the diagnoses for each of them might be.  I already live with a lot of conditions.  I really don’t want anymore of these psychological or social conditions than I already have.  I really do want to leave this all behind.  I want proper closure. I want these to be difficulties and not conditions, but I don’t see how that can be. At least not yet.

The other issue the gleaming generality that if I wait long enough time will heal it all.  Bullshit.  I still carry stuff from other situations and I can say this – time doesn’t heal everything. There are some wounds that leave you with a limp or a crooked jaw, or scars that never completely heal.  I wish people would stop saying that.  I suspect if people could see my soul, they would see scars, wounds and missing parts.  I have certainly had a lot of the blood of my soul spilled on the ground this past summer, so I might be a little spiritually anemic as well.  Time may make coping with all that easier, but it won’t make everything go away.  I suspect all the wounds I received in this last summer won’t ever heal completely.   Closure usually helps speed healing up, but I am not sure how to get it right now on several fronts.

I want the things I am facing to be difficulties that I can overcome in time, but I am having to face the hard reality they may be conditions I simply need to learn to live with.  Like my diabetes, I simply have to find a way to overcome most of the problems and symptoms and move along with my life despite the condition.  Or I need to find alternative methods of closure other than the ones that normally you would use.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Discipline at this point is not knowing what to do.  I know that.  What I need to do is consistently do things I know and so far that seems to be working.  I wish I could say perfectly but that is still the goal.  The Routines are really the heart of this; so over time, I can make better observations and adjustments.  Staying busy does help the healing process, so that’s good.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

As I look at this weeks Journal entries, I can see the desire here.  Keep getting up and keep going.  I want to move forward and take hits better. Our counselor this time said we were a good couple and he feels that this whole thing has made us stronger.  I wish I had his confidence, because I still feel vulnerable in certain regards.  I, however, am a stubborn man who refuses to quit and in this regard, it is a good thing.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

I was discussing friendship this week on a post of Facebook.  It wasn’t a long discussion but I had to note that fidelity in friendship is difficult to find.  My recent experience means that, with all but a very few people, I check my 6 a lot more even with people who call themselves my friends.  I have learned another painful lesson that betrayal’s greatest problem is it comes from your friends.  I am even more antsy at social gatherings because I feel like people are observing me to gossip later.  I am introverted to begin with and this just kills most of the desire to be social with all but my closest friends and family. And my closest friend list has gotten really short.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

So far everything is good here.  Basically when they are needed they get added to the daily routine and get done at some time during the day. I will probably know more when I have been at this a little longer.

Nutrition:

Mostly OK.  I mean the plan is basically intermittent fasting and Paleo Diet so it is more about when and what I eat. I have two challenges.  1) Finding a carb free alternative for bread that works for me and my budget.  2) Making sure I break my fast with a meal at noon time.  It’s not always possible, so may need to do some planning there.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – I feel my foundation is solid.  Probably a good thing.  I still work on things here as they are not perfect but I feel like these are the areas of least concern, other than honor.

Business – Making progress and in a month and a half school will be done except for an internship and I already have plans for that. November is going to be an interesting month and hopefully a productive one.

Self – I struggle here.  I just don’t want to lose myself and what I want to do.  To Balance that with marriage and family is sometimes a lot of work. Sometimes dealing with The Grey and wounds makes it hard to look into the mirror. Hopefully that will change soon.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – The Business Virtues – Dreaming Big

Happy Woden’s (Odin) Day

Journal:

I think the whole plan is starting to come together and this is now more about acting and adjustment than actual planning.  I am starting to dream big again and I like the assertive confidence it is creating in me.  It’s nice to feel a little more sense of honor and discipline coming back into my life.

I still struggle with the emotions of loss.  I had several relationships cut short by my own actions and the actions of others.  I am working on restoring my most important relationship with my wife but the others remain difficult.  People can say ‘come on over and we will talk and still be friends’ but I know the reality of that is either just being polite or it would truly be awkward and everyone knows it.  In one relationship, I am actually not sure what I would feel, but as I said Monday, I think there is still a closure problem with it, at least with me.

What seems to help the most is staying true to the Big Dreams I have on my bucket list and working toward them.  It’s baby steps at this point.  I hope in the future it will be larger steps. One day the dreams will be reality, so I work toward them. It is perhaps this process that will pull me out of this funk I seem to get into every once and a while.

Self-Reliance:

“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”

Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.

Blessed independence.  There are a few things unmet yet that are wants but needs are met and that is a good thing.  One ‘need’ might be health insurance at this point but in truth me and my wife will muddle through until we have opportunity to get some when we are making more money.  Hopefully that won’t take too long.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.

My current work is sometimes an enjoyable thing.  I like the feeling that I actually did something useful.  Been a while since I felt that way.  I do work to make my job efficient but now I have come to see doing so at home as far as cleaning and organizing things can have that quality too.  Even school work is starting to be enjoyable again.  I still have my struggles but the routines and focusing on the future seem to be helping.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.

I have big dreams of being prosperous, but part of that is the idea of being in a position to be hospitable and giving back.  My motivation is not hording wealth so much as prosperity I can share with others.  Right now If someone were truly in need I could help them by at least giving them a place on the floor in the living room and sharing a meal with them.

The dream is far larger than this.  I want to be able to help people more often.  Setting up a charity perhaps but more practically, I know the main thing people need is support and that often involves a serious look at yourself in an atmosphere of loving accountability.  My one regret in ministry in my last church is changing the prayer group from a spiritual self-evaluation session into just a bible study.

I really think support groups are far more needed where a person can be honest about what is going on in their life and get emotional and other support.  When that changed, I personally lost the ability to be accountable to myself and I think that left me vulnerable and it cost me.  I would like to restore that and give it to others who also need it like myself.

Daily Routine:

  1. Communication / Cuddle Time
  2. Blogging
  3. Reading – 1 hour per day.
  4. Study / Homework – 1 hour per day or until all necessary work is completed.
  5. Empty In Box
  6. Financial Transaction Input

Daily routines are a little harder.  Mostly time is a factor. I always have to juggle sleep with getting the routine done for the day.  Or I try to stick with the priority order but priorities do change depending on circumstances.  Some things on this list will take less time if I stay up on them as this problem will become less of a problem as I keep doing what I need to do each day.

Goals: 

  1. Strengthen Marriage
  2. Finish my Political Science Degree
  3. Advance Career
  4. Monitor and Control Finances
  5. Write for my Blog  – 1 post per day average.
  6. Exercise
  7. Follow a Solid Diet Plan
  8. Create and work a Bucket List.

Dreaming Big.  When I look at this list of goals the picture of taking steps to get to the dream of owning my own business and retiring to be the philosopher/writer in the woods doesn’t seem so unattainable.   As I check off items on all these lists, I think I will begin to see that more clearly. Right now its the early stages so its hard to see the big dream come to fruit but as the months go by and things get checked off this list, it will get clearer.

Budgeting: 

  1. Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
  2. Debt Snowball
  3. Fully funded Emergency fund
  4. Invest 15% of income into retirement
  5. Pay off Home Early
  6. Build Wealth and Give

Step 1 still in progress.  The issue is going to be any extra income needs to be saved into an emergency fund until we get $1000.  Once school is finished I need to find some ways to make more money: either a better job, second job or taking matters into my own hands.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Pagan Pulpit – Havamal 47 – Enjoying Humanity

Happy Sun’s Day

Announcements:

We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.

We also don’t take an offering here.  We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it.  Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it.  Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.

Opening Song: Disturbed – Voices:

I have been listening to this one a lot this week.  It kind of goes along with the theme this week, so I will keep the commentary about it until the Sermon.

Poem:

“My Soul Has Eyes”

The Mirror to the Soul

So they are called.

I can’t see my own

unless I look in the mirror.

I wonder what part of my soul people see?

The part of my soul that is tired and depressed

The part of my soul that has regrets

The part of my soul that bleeds with wounds new and old

The part of my soul that is black and dark

or the part that shines in hope and love.

I wish I knew what people see in my eyes

What part of my soul is laid bare.

– Ed Raby, Sr.  – October 25, 2018

I must confess my writing of poetry is bitter sweet.  It enjoy it on the one hand because it allows me to express feelings in words that normal writing doesn’t do.  I need that from time to time.  On the other hand the memories of the person associated with me learning to write poems better and understand them better comes up every time I do it, and that just makes me sad.  I guess it’s something I just live with, because I can’t seem to stop writing them from time to time.  Sometimes its the only thing that works.

Meditation: 

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I post a lot of memes and sayings on Facebook.  Just so everyone knows, the Meditation for the week usually comes from one of them I posted that past week.  It’s the one that meant the most to me.

Song of Preparation:Van Halen – Love Walks In:

The story associated with this song for me is that I was standing in a convenience store a little after my wife and I started reconciling.  This song came on and the guy behind the counter was singing it.  I joined in; which is not something I normally do.  The guy behind the counter stopped to listen to me and asked if the song meant something to me.  I told him until that moment, no.  But now it did.  Not only did it reflect at the time the new feelings of love I had for my wife but there was a very human moment there with that guy.  Humanity didn’t seem all that bad to me at that time.

Text: Havamal 47

Young was I once, I walked alone,
and bewildered seemed in the way;
then I found me another and rich I thought me,
for man is the joy of man.

Sermon:

It is really hard to be objective about the nature of humanity.  Most of us think humans as a rule are not the greatest thing to ever happen to us.  Some people I imagine love people, but there are a good chunk of us that have problems with humanity.  Some of us, like in the video of Disturbed’s song ‘Voices’, have our fantasies about getting back at the bullies, getting revenge on the girl who dumped us or tying up a difficult boss.  It truly is freaky shit that we think of sometimes isn’t it when it comes to how we would like to respond toward some people’s actions toward us.  The voices are pretty convincing that even we are not all that great.

If we were honest though, most of the people in our lives are a lot like us.  Just trying to make their way in the world and do the best they can.  Very few people in our lives actually deliberately try to make our lives miserable.  There are a few, I will acknowledge that, but for most part, people seem decent enough.

I think this is more evident if you have ever been lost alone away from people for a while or wonder if you can find your way back to them.  I have had this experience at least twice.  It is an intense relief when you actually find another person.  I get what Odin is saying in Havamal 47.  Like it or not we need our fellow humans and very few of us are misanthropes.

In fact, I would argue that many times at our lowest point it has been someone else who helped us out of it.  Some person who saw us in our suffering and actually stopped to help, or as we wandered we ran into someone who inspired us. I would say our positive encounters with humans actually probably outweigh our negative ones.

At the very least we become like the guy in the Disturbed video of ‘Voices’.  We drop our anger and desire for vengeance and simply walk off to the mosh pit and try to find a more human ‘loving’ way to get rid of our anger. Perhaps that is the greatest testimony to humanities goodness after all – that we choose to find another way that is constructive.  Very few of us actually act on the voices.

Closing Song:  Slash Street Boys – “I’ll Kill You That Way”:

A little Halloween Humor to send you off today.  Enjoy the Week and Happy Halloween!!!

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!