Relationships

“The 30th Anniversary That Almost Wasn’t” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

Right now as I write this post it is June 9th, 2019.  I am sitting in my hotel room at 3 am and my wife is sleeping nearby. My wife is still with me and that is the greatest cause for me to be happy at this point. Tomorrow this post will drop and it will be our 30th anniversary.  Three decades together is a pretty impressive milestone these days and I suppose that should be the topic of my thoughts but rather it is the fact that this is the anniversary that almost wasn’t.

On our 29th anniversary, my wife and I were separated.  At the time I was sick of our marriage and the cold deadness of it. I didn’t hate my wife, I just didn’t want to be married to her anymore.  My love for her had completely dried up.  The results of keeping a lot of thought to myself and her own admitted lack of respect for me. That leads to a dead marriage where you live together and can even have sex, but the relationship sucks overall. I mark this date because I waited until the 11th to file for divorce.

At the time I was in love with someone else. Some people don’t want to think it was genuine but the truth that needs to be faced is at least on my side. This dead marriage I was in had left me vulnerable and open to anyone who showed me some sort of concern or respect and Miss Salty stepped in.  Fast forward a couple months and that relationship was over and I was hurt very badly.  I contacted my wife after a couple weeks of being miserable.

Oddly enough she didn’t react like I think most women would have, she listened.  Over the next week, a lot happened but the short story was we reconciled and I canceled the divorce.  It was only three days from our hearing. On that day, we weren’t in court and instead were in a hotel room much like now spending that day naked in each other’s arms instead.

For her, she never stopped loving me.  She just had to realize that love isn’t enough to keep things going in a marriage and now I see a lot of changes in how she treats me because of it.  It wasn’t the best way to learn this but she has done very well in a lot of respects. If she had approached it differently we would not be here.

For me, my love is much different toward her.  I suppose it is reflected in my Foundational Virtues and so my love for her is not the old one – that dried up.  It is new, based on a new understanding of what I value most.

This week’s journal posts, in general, will be a consideration of my virtues in my life regarding my marriage.  If you want to know why my love for my wife is new and different and learn something from it, then keep reading.  Not just today, but Woden’s Day and Frigg and Freya’s Day too.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

Part of honor is showing respect toward the honorable in your life when they demonstrate it. My wife is a very noble person in that respect.  Despite all the hurt she looked past it and was open to hearing my side of why I wanted out.  She didn’t react in anger toward me although I am sure she felt it. She gets my respect a lot more in this new love of mine because, in some aspects of character, she exceeds me by quite a bit.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

It took a lot of courage for us to both face reconciliation.  But to bravely hope the best was her doing.  In that respect, she had far more courage than I did.  I wanted to walk and start over with someone else. It has been a lot of work and challenges for us.  For her it is bravely facing the fact her husband is a different man in many respects. She is facing this very well.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

It takes both sides to admit the truth that it is both their fault. Just yesterday, we had this conversation about a friend of ours and how when he had done much the same as I did, how no one was concerned about he felt. I can echo that feeling during my own struggles.  If you are going to reconcile, the fact that the opposite number might have had an affair needs to be addressed for sure and there is no excuse for it, but there are reasons a person turns to someone else besides their spouse that relates to the relationship and why it fell apart.  my wife faced the truth of this and if she hadn’t this would be a non-existent anniversary.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I guess Love is central but my definition of love is far different than my days a Christian –  It is deeper and more realistic.  Romance is fine but it comes and goes. Love that has some strength to it requires Honor, Courage and Truth.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Stretching / Yoga
  6. Breakfast, Medications, and Supplements.
  7. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  8. Get Dressed for the Day

No morning routine these next couple days.  Other than to wake up next to my wife and do some serious naked cuddling and making love.  This part of my life’s journey is one I want to enjoy.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Sappy Love Songs” – The Skald’s Lyre

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

Musical Journal:

Let’s See Head Banger, Hard Rocker, Alternative Hard Rocker.  I suppose you would see a trend in what I like if you were to look at what I listen to most of the time.  But then you would see a few songs and have that ‘one of these things is not like the other” moment.  It would probably be that odd sappy love song.  Yep, despite my hard edge with most of my musical choices, I am a sucker for a good love song.

Probably the reason for this is that being an empath I can feel that shit.  Love is a strong emotion and in music, I have this ability to feel not only the message of the song but the emotions of the performer.  I mean I feel that shit in my soul.  I can feel the emotions of the singers in particular but musicians can definitely push it too. It is this connection of strong feeling particularly love that can melt me on some of these.

Mostly though these songs remind me of events involving my life regarding love.  There has been more than one woman I have loved over the years and some of these songs take me back to them.  There are also recent events where I have in many ways fallen in love with my wife anew.   So here is a list of some of my favorites and a few with significance.

Personal Significance:

Silly Love Songs: Love this song mostly because if you listen to it is very multilayered the music is high end from a talent perspective. The bass player in this one is off the chart.  It makes the song. The simple lyrics and melody are classic. For me, it is a simple reminder that no matter how much love hurts or can cause us trouble we never get tired of it and the song that sing about it.

I Will Always Love You: I have felt this way now a couple times with the women I have loved and lost now.  I guess Ms. Houston sings for all of us that have been there  The lyrics and her voice are what kills this one. She is one of those legendary voices that never gets old. Now mostly it is how I feel like I am singing this to two women in particular where I understand if I stayed in their life, I would have only gotten in the way, but because of my personality type and who I am the message is true. I never completely stop loving a woman I have fallen in love with, that is just who I am.  I adapt to them being gone but I never stop.

Honestly: This is the song that reminds me of my first love.  It reminds me of how I felt back then with her.  Now when I hear it, I get taken back to then.  It is still hard to listen to at times.  You know.  The ‘what if’, it gets you.

All of Me:  Another song that calls back an old flame.  I still can’t listen to this one all the way through. At least not yet.  Events are too recent I guess. John’s voice is iconic and the lyrics absolutely perfect. I have those feelings of loss every time so I stay away from it. Maybe someday it will be different.

Happy to Be Stuck with You: My wife and I never had “our song”.  Until now.  I guess it fits our relationship – love, stuck with each other but loving it and it is a little fun as we are better friends than we have been in a long time.  Huey and the News brought back the kind fo doo whop sound with modern 80s pop together in an interesting way.  They definitely had a lot of songs like this.  This one is ours – my wife and I  – stuck with each other and loving every minute of it.  Fun and love are both expressed.  Nothing like laughing and loving at the same time.  The video is kind of like that too.

Play List:

Silly Love Songs – Paul McCartney & The Wings: 

I Will Always Love You – Whitney Houston: 

Honestly – Stryper:

All of Me – John Legend:

Happy to Be Stuck with You – Huey Lewis and the News:

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Always Strong” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

I am drawing this week to a close with Being stronger.  I am defining strong in its broadest possible sense in that I am not just talking physical strength, but mental, emotional and societal. One I have learned is stronger is stronger regardless of where it is or what kind it is. For me, this last year since leaving the ministry has been about finding new strength for life and I have found that in Discipline, Perseverance, and Fidelity there are great strengths to be found and developed.

The real issue is to always be strong and always be able to handle what life throws at you.  Sometimes you do shit to yourself and then you have to deal with that with the other strengths you have. I have learned a lot through failure.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To follow A FULL Paleo Diet Plan from April 1, 2019, to March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.

I could be even more fully Paleo Diet.  I have pretty much been doing pretty well here as my cheat meals and having a carb limit helps a lot but in truth, I could go full paleo this summer as well. I am going to read my book with the recipes again and see what I can come up with.  My wife gets tired of the same old things but there are some different things I could do that might be good for both of us. I really need to take a cooking class someday.

My rebellious act is in the planning stages and I have some time so…

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

My program could use a little more walking but the lifting and stretching are spot-on.  No worries here.

My tattoos are coming.  Right now I have been saving for my mini vacation with the wife but if I come back when any left over it will be the seed money for my next thing which is my tattoo(s).  Once I have enough for the first one I will be going for it.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

The mini-vacation coming up Saturday through Tuesday will mean this goal will be crossed off by next week. After my tattoos, my genetic test is on the list.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom: 

I have gained l lot of wisdom this last year.  I can thank a lot of things for that.  For myself my simple refusal to quit or go down helps.  But also there have been some true relationships as well.  The simple act of doing things to keep improving myself is also a great way to just keep going.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting/Stretching – Minimum 3 days per week.
  2. Walking – Minimum 3 days a week
  3. Job Search – Minimum 3 days a week
  4. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  5. Writing – 3 times a week
  6. Latin – 3 times per week
  7. Cheat Meal Count: 3 per week.

The more I think about it the more I can work things on this list to the daily list the better. I just need to figure it out. I really also need one day or two to just say – this is my day I do what I want. I am thinking that days I work are actually more productive with the other things it is just a matter of how much time things take.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 2

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“The Last Sermon” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and the Wayfarer – Part 11

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

One year ago today (May 27th, 2018), I preached my last sermon as a Christian pastor. When people ask me how I am doing, I am doing as well as can be expected, given the time of year and the memories involved with it. Part of that is leaving the identity behind of ‘pastor’.  This week is dotted with a lot of emotions, but leaving the ministry behind for good was bittersweet and it speaks to me of waste.  The thought that I have wasted 20 years of my life crosses my mind a lot.

My last sermon couldn’t have been more ironic. I was in an affair preaching on adultery from the ten commandments. My basic message was that if Jesus’ words on adultery were the facts, then we have all failed and we just need to cling to grace because that is all we got. No one is going to make it if the standard is not lusting.  No one could meet that standard.

Emotionally this was my most difficult sermon ever. I just wanted the service to end and go home. Neither my flame at the time or my wife was there and I felt alone and just sick of being a pastor and all of it. I went home, the woman I was having an affair with told her aunt about it.  I told my wife and the rest is a painful history.

I wouldn’t have minded so much but when it came to my last church, the message of grace seemed completely lost, even though I had been preaching it for nine and a half years to them. Lots of wasted words from my point of view. The man I entrusted my resignation to engaged in a plan to basically make things to be much worse than they really were.

For the record once again, I have never actually had sex with the woman I had an affair with, in fact ever.  At the time of my resignation, it had barely graduated beyond “I love you” and holding hands at a prayer meeting that looked normal to everyone else.  People made this to be much more than it was and that hurt too.  Because the man in charge let it happen on purpose. He told me he didn’t want gossip to spread through the church which is very sensible. He also told me he didn’t want to drag the woman into it either to protect her, something that was my concern as well. But once he had my resignation I had revised removing that confession line at his request, he called the woman up within probably minutes of me giving it to him and asked her permission to tell the story.

In the week’s that followed he did everything possible to make sure that gossip and rumor were exactly what happened. He deliberately dragged the woman into it (made possible by the fact we had broken up at the time and we were not talking to each other)  to do this and used her to get to me. I looked like I was hiding something, which I wasn’t. He looked like the hero so he could feed that ego and hero complex of his. He used it in the following weeks to paint a picture of me as a monster, the woman as a victim and him as the white knight that was here to bring the monster down. What a load of bullshit he piled up. All of it. 

In the end, he used the emotional hurt and anger of the congregation to get me fired and no severance given. I was never informed of anything that was going on officially until it was all over. The whole process was done without me being asked to speak on my own behalf one time.  ‘Grace’ and ‘Mercy’ at their finest.  That’s sarcasm if you can’t tell.  Bitter Sarcasm.   

I have forgiven the congregation for this.  They were misinformed and misled by a man who has to be in control of everything because he is personally insecure. People like him are in every church and the real cause of problems and why churches don’t succeed and have the reputations they have.  I have even forgiven the woman’s busybody aunt who did the most to engage in gossip. She was just acting in anger and hurt and I very much understand it.  She actually had good reasons to act the way she did, even if her actions were not very Christian.  Whatever that means. 

But the man himself – if there is any force of justice in the world I hope he has to experience the betrayal, manipulation, lies, theft of honor, and all the rest of it that he visited on me himself.  That karma visits on him the exact same thing he did to me. If nothing else I hope he lives a long and miserable life surrounded by no one at the end of it. That would be an end which he deserves because of his very utilitarian view of friendship. His friends no longer seeing him as useful so they simply don’t show up to help or comfort him. That would be truly fitting. 

As far as me and The Grey, this ‘one year ago thing’ is bothering me but I am moving through it. I refuse to go down to this storm.  I want to walk through it laughing at it. Mostly though, I just want a new sense of identity beyond the pastoral ministry thing.  It’s garbage to me now. An old cloak I have discarded. The white hat, the cross, and white cloak no longer suit me.  I prefer grey vestments and vulknut medallion now.

Mostly, my wife and I are trying to build some new memories. I worry about her as she has to get used to a man who is in many ways, not the same as he was. A man who is damaged in some ways, trying to heal as well.  Who will never completely heal and will no longer be what he was.  I want her to be happy because my own happiness depends on it.  I just don’t know about my side of it a lot.

The last sermon I preached in the church was ironic but also fitting.  The whole thing of pastoral ministry is adultery in my opinion now.  A pastor’s church is a mistress.  One that takes a lot and gives back very little and much like a real mistress drives a wedge between you and those you love as a pastor. A smart man gets out a lot sooner than I did.

I walk The Grey right now.  It is this time of year last year where every day has some significant event and memory that makes it difficult.  It probably won’t stop until the summer is over. I am just trying to live my life and living it in joy as much as possible.  If it wasn’t for the guilt and pain I have associated with these memories of last year, it would be easier.  The thing is I have come to accept that this walk is my path, but I can’t control the weather. I wish I could.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

 

“Weightlifting with Disturbed” – The Skald’s Lyre

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

Musical Journal:

My weightlifting routine is filled with music.  It is the only complaint I have with my new gym is that their music is less than motivational and inspiring. Maybe it is to those who like soft Christian rock but being a deist/pagan in spiritual orientation and needing something a little more forceful to get me going, I find the need for my own playlist when I hit the weights and true to form it is metal.  Heavy Metal.

This last year I discovered Disturbed.  Now they have been around for a lot longer than my discovery of them and I have heard their songs several times without knowing who they were.  This last year I have listened to them a lot.  Mostly in the context of weightlifting as I find their music intense and motivational.  The subject matter of some of the songs resonates with some emotional states I have had over the years.  I find that their music was one of the go-to choices as I struggled through last year’s crisis and as we have now come full Circle that same time of year, I find myself listening to them again and it is still therapeutic.

Personal Significance:

The Skald’s Lyre is simple in its execution.  Journaling the significance of the band in my life overall and then talking about some of the songs as far as their personal significance to me.  Then I will give a playlist.  Do with that as you will.  Mostly I am writing this to myself.

  1. Down with the Sickness is probably the Disturbed signature song and represents their music overall the best.  For me, it is the constant call to not be caught up in the sickness of society. It is also a great way to start a weightlifting session.
  2. Stricken is a song that resonates with my hurts and pains about a relationship of a year ago. It reflects the part of my heart that can’t seem to let go of this relationship and I hear it and remind myself of that.  I have found a lot of acceptance of part of who I am in this song.  A guy who falls in love and never completely gets over it regardless of how long it has been.
  3. Ten Thousand Fists – Great rebellion song.  A Good Jam too. For me, it is a solidarity song for all of us that have left the Christian faith.
  4. Voices – I have actually learned to sing the fast-paced lyrics to this song. Combined with the message of the video, I like how even though the voices talk to the guy, he doesn’t act on them ultimately.  He just goes to a concert and burns the rage off having a good time.  A simple lesson I have had to remind myself of often this last year.
  5. Prayer – Speaking of leaving the faith, this was a theme song for me this last year.  “This is how we pray.  Living just isn’t hard enough. Burn me alive inside. Living Just isn’t hard enough.  Take everything away”  How you say that last line makes all the difference.  Is it a statement of information or a request?
  6. Sound of Silence – I love Simon and Garfunkel’s version don’t get me wrong but this one is straight up haunting.  The vocals are off the chart. The message is something I am familiar with and it will probably start to creep back into my playlist for walking after the second of August as it represents that time very well.

When music gets into my life it tends to crop back up at times of memory. Certain times of year reflect certain music. Mostly they are connected to things that have happened to me and the music I was playing at the time. These next few months are going to suck for this, but I feel Disturbed will help me pull through The Grey of it.  They were after all pulling me through it at the time.  It also doesn’t hurt that they are high energy and get me through a weightlifting session faster than anything.

Playlist: 

Down with the Sickness

Stricken

Ten Thousand Fists

Voices

Prayer

Sound of Silence (cover)

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“A Wolf Self” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

I am Wolf.  It’s a way of looking at my identity that is more internal and resonates far more with me than many others.  Wolves have that dual identity of being loyal but frightening to others. Wild and untamed but at the same the virtues of Discipline, Perseverance, and Fidelity reign supreme in the heart of any Wolf and Wolfpack.  I suppose what I am going for with this identity is placing some understanding of having the soul of the wolf and not be alarmed by the truth of that for myself.

I suppose when you put it all together, I am a wandering warrior with the heart and soul of a wolf. If I was asked what I value in my soul it is freedom and liberty to roam, explore, search and follow my path.  I no longer believe in the split nature of mankind or its sinfulness.  Rather that we are individual beings that are human and none of that is inherently good or evil.  Rather, I believe that our entire nature simply waits to be harnessed as we follow our needs and wants to be guided by our reason and experience.

Warrior, Wayfarer, and Wolf.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To follow A FULL Paleo Diet Plan from April 1, 2019, to March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.

I remember at work one woman telling me she wished more men were gentlemen and less were dogs. I told her that a gentleman is nothing more than a patient wolf. Still canine, not a dog but perhaps in other ways more primal and certainly more disciplined. The gentleman’s objectives are very wolflike, he just is more relentless and patient about it. He wants the best so he engages the virtue of discipline.  He waits patiently engaging in the things that day by day bring him closer to his goals. Such a ‘gentleman’ is simply a relentless wolf.  I seek to be such a wolf.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

Wolves, of course, face defeat and failure.  it doesn’t top them, they get up and go back at it.  The only defeat or failure that ends their quest for what they want and needs id death. My nature has never been one to quit. So me and the wolf within keep getting up and keep going.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

My pack is small but close.  I do wish there were more members at times, but I take the ones I have and our bonds of loyalty grow stronger. Nothing is more important to the pack that fidelity.  Those who break deserve nothing more or less than what I have done to others – to be shown my teeth because I do indeed bite.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom: 

Wisdom is a tough call when it comes to being a wolf.  Wolves that survive listen to the raven’s caw overhead.  The learn from their mistakes and it allows them to become old wolves. They know what the need and want and use reason and wisdom to achieve them.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting/Stretching – Minimum 3 days per week.
  2. Walking – Minimum 3 days a week
  3. Job Search – Minimum 3 days a week
  4. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  5. Writing – 3 times a week
  6. Latin – 3 times per week
  7. Cheat Meal Count: 3 per week.

This is the part that still needs a lot of work.  A new week is coming soon so it is another opportunity to make the effort to get it all done.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 2

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“A Wayfarer’s Business” – A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Wooden’s (Odin’s) Day

Journal Entry:

I am not just a warrior at heart, but a wayfarer. I am a seeker living by the understanding that ‘Not all who wander are lost”.  A pilgrim that searches for the truth is something that reflects my desire as far as identity as well.  A wayfarer has to be self-reliant to a large extent.  They also have to work hard being Industrious, walking the road is no easy task when you do it all day long. They also have to have an innate sense fo hospitality knowing both how to give and receive it.

The wandering warrior is an identity from a metaphorical point of view I can accept for myself. It involves conduct toward others and that is what business is ultimately about. Finding arrangements that are mutually beneficial without force, threat or fraud. It is why the virtues of Asatru known as Self-Reliance, Industriousness, and Hospitality are so important.

Self-Reliance:

“Self-Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual but also for the family, clan, tribe, and nation.”

Principle: To achieve and maintain personal independence and advocate for independence in my family, state and nation.

Goal:  Find a new, better paying job by the end of June 2019 or before.

Bucket List: To own and run my own successful business or company.

Independence is something I take very seriously. A Wayfarer relies on themselves more than others. It also gets rid of the presumption that others should help me achieve my goals at their expense.  It isn’t just about making sure your independence in intact but that you’re respecting the independence of others as well.  Promoting and advocating for it more like it.  The Wayfarer is a free person an seeks to see others free as well.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with the enjoyment of work itself.

Goal: Working on it.

Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published.

I like to work.  I find there is a feeling of satisfaction of accomplishing something productive in work that makes me feel like I am making progress in something.  Like a Wayfarer who can look over his shoulder and see the miles behind him that he has covered. What I want to change right now is the work I am doing which is why the job search is central right now.  I just feel I am more valuable than I am being treated at times mostly by myself. I can do better and find something more challenging and more satisfying to me personally.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: To share out of my abundance to help people where I can with their life’s journey.

Goal: By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader of a support group of some kind.

Bucket List: To own my own home by March 2024.

I want to share more but I need more prosperity to do it.  Right now I feel we are self-sufficient, but not a lot of extra to help others with. That needs to change so I am a wayfarer seeking to be hospitable. I don’t know the specifics but I am seeking them.

Higher Virtue – Justice:

Justice remains for me how I treat people and what is right in every relationship. For some people, this means I have engaged in the INFJ door slam. It is just safer for both of us not to have any dealings at all. For others, it is simply being as just as possible and for still others, my loyalty to them is solid.  I find the only challenge in the virtue of justice in some of my relationships is waiting for them to do the right thing. That can be frustrating as it may never happen and intellectually I see the need for me to move on, but my heart still is a little heavy and wounded about it.  So it drags behind my mind.

Daily Routine:

  1. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  2. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  3. Reading – half-hour. Priority order: work, school, pleasure
  4. Study / Homework / Research: half hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
  5. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, other actions, etc.
  6. Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
  7. Weekly Routine Items
  8. Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 2

So far the week has been completed. we will see the long term by this time next week.

Still walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Rogue Wizard – The Fire of Fury – Part 9 – Remnants

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Rogue Wizard’s Journal: January 25th, 2019

Of course, the weather would play havoc with my plans.  I mean not much other than as snow and freezing rain hit western Michigan in various waves the plan for a field trip to the Red Tree Grove, was postponed until yesterday. The temperature was pretty much the same just below freezing with snow and ice everywhere.  Whoever the pixie Winter Queen is right now, I imagine that she is happy with the results.

So yesterday after assessing the weather wasn’t going to be a problem, we set out to see the Grove.  Not a long trip, I used to ride my bike or walk back in the day. The trip from the House of Venus mansion was a little longer and we had to cross the battle lines which during the day were peaceful enough  Amber and Lunette flanked me as we went along. Lunette walked instead of flying as we were heading deeper into pixie territory and were not expecting any trouble from the war at least.

I left with a feeling of dread and that increased the closer we got to the grove.  Lunette seemed distant too.  Amber tried to make small talk but eventually quit realizing her two companions were in no mood.  As a mage, she began to get more nervous the further into pixie territory she got. I was sure nothing was going to happen in regards to the war. The Pixies would steer clear of the grove if it was truly as bad as Lunette described and the mages couldn’t get to it.  Well, unless the protective magic was gone which it might be.

When we crested the hill that overlooked the Grove, my heart sank into my shoes.  It was for all practical purposes gone.  The bright red leaves and whitebark were gone from the tree.  There was no life I could see at all and the branches were gone. Only a grey large trunk remained which disappeared into the forest below – twisted and evil looking.  The forest itself no longer looked magical but all too ordinary.  The crunch of snow under my feet and the cold air just added to the grey picture forming in front of me. There was no threshold to cross on the edge of the grove.  The protective magic simply no longer existed.

I looked over to Lunette and I could see the tears running down her face. I took her hand and tried to say something but the words didn’t come.  We simply walked hand in hand until we reached the base of the tree.

It was still largely shaped like I remembered.  The trunk that was left was still easily ten times as tall as me and I am well over six feet.  It was just wrong.  It was no longer white but grey and dark and twisted.  The ‘throne’ of roots where Elpis used to sit was still there, just very ashen. I looked to the right of it and the two large roots which formed a ‘V’ where Elpis and I would go to lay in the soft grass, talk and make love was also still there.  Now covered with snow, cold and lifeless.

To the left of the throne was where the three large scars had been.   I had helped heal them but now they were ripped open even wider than before – dry and jagged. I walked forward, crouched down and touched one of them.  The sadness of what magic was left almost overwhelmed me as I felt its pain and sorrow. Still ambient magic there, but wrong as well. Nothing was right anymore in the grove.  I felt that feeling of childhood memories that have been stripped away, never to be recovered.

“She did this herself.”

The words formed in my mouth as the truth and revelation of it crossed my mind. Damn.  What the hell was she thinking?  Was she really in that much pain?

“Lunette, there is still ambient magic here. Enough to be used.”

Lunette looked at me, her eyes were filled with tears.

“That was true last time I came here Edward, it is just there were still branches and a few other trees left. Now they are gone.  It is fading fast.  Just the core magic remains.”

“Which could be used for really shitty purposes.”

She nodded.  I looked at Amber.

Amber looked sad, but she understood what I was saying as a mage. If the Council and in particular the Death Angels got ahold of this tree, they could harness what energy was left and use it to do only the gods know what. Amber looked me in the eye.

“Ed, it needs to be destroyed. It is going to be of no use to the Fae and if our kind got a hold of it…”

“I know.”

I stood up from my crouched position in front of the scars.  The next thing I said was like a dagger to the heart.

“Only one thing to do. Burn it. It’s the only way to be sure.”

Lunette looked away from me but nodded.

“It has to be magical fire so Amber you are going to have to help me.”

She nodded and walked to the opposite side of the tree.

“Just as a warning, this is going to be a magical beacon so bright that everybody is going to know that the Red Tree Grove is finished.  There will be no hiding this from anyone once it catches fire. Amber I will let you know when to start.  Don’t hold anything back.”

I stood there for a moment waiting for Amber to be the opposite of me.  I looked at Lunette and she was crying still. Sobbing on her feet.

“I am in position Ed. Just give the word.”

I felt the fire form in my hands.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Business Meditations” – A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Wooden’s (Odin’s) Day

Journal Entry:

So today, I looked up all my transcript information and grades for my last classes and low and behold I got an A for my internship.  I did well in the other three classes as well so my final GPA was 3.61 – Magna Cum Laude. This semester was all about finishing the internship and gaining some business skills – Mission Accomplished!

I basically have two issues right now which are: 1) Finding a job utilizing said degree and 2) Meditating on what I want to do next as far as education.  The first is made easier now that I have the degree in hand. The second is a question of following my virtues to something that fits me both professionally and personally.

I find in my morning meditations this comes up a lot.  What Next? The Business Virtues come up a lot at these times.

Self-Reliance:

“Self-Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual but also for the family, clan, tribe, and nation.”

Principle: To achieve and maintain personal independence and advocate for independence in my family, state and nation.

Goal:  Find a new, better paying job by the end of June 2019 or before.

Bucket List: To own and run my own successful business or company.

I still have a month and a half to find a new and better paying job.  I enjoy the people I work for and work with currently, but I need a new challenge and I need to make a lot more income to be self-reliant into the future. The goal is to ‘retire’ running my own business or company so this is step one toward that.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with the enjoyment of work itself.

Goal: Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019*

Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published.

Goal Achieved*   Now I have to come up with a new one for Industriousness.  That will require some meditative thought as well. I know what I want to write for my novel and now I can truly get started so my secondary career as a writer can get started. Transitioning here at what I am working on is the issue for the next couple weeks.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: To share out of my abundance to help people where I can with their life’s journey.

Goal: By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader of a support group of some kind.

Bucket List: To own my own home by March 2024.

I have a little bit of time on the goal here as well as the bucket list item.  I just have no idea when this is going to be or even where with my career focus being up in the air right now. I just want to make sure compassion is part of my business and I provide a place to be hospitable to others.

Higher Virtue – Justice:

Being just is something I meditate on a lot. There is a reason why these higher virtues don’t have strict definitions because I feel all of them including justice are difficult to define in some ways. I meditate on each relationship I have and try to figure the best way to approach it. Being just with each one is different because each relationship is different. When you find out what is important to someone, the just thing is to respect that not use it to your advantage at their expense.

Daily Routine:

  1. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  2. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  3. Reading – half-hour. Priority order: work, school, pleasure
  4. Study / Homework / Research: half hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
  5. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, other actions, etc.
  6. Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
  7. Weekly Routine Items
  8. Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 2

Next week I will be really bearing down on this aspect as a lot of things right now in front of me require this routine to be tight.

Still walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Refusing to Accept Society’s Chains” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Libertarianism

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Discussion:

We are born free. For libertarians like myself, this is a simple and true statement. It is after the moment of birth that people begin to try to place shackles on us.  They do this with a lot of good intentions, but the best of intentions cause a great amount of harm the majority of the time and one of the casualties of these chains is our freedom.  To be ‘woke’ in the libertarian sense is to recognize the chains that are imposed on us by others and then break them.  Whether those chains come from religion, society or government.

The distinction is understanding that voluntary consent is the great difference maker in relationships.  It is what makes sex not rape; a job not slavery; and a transaction of value not robbery. If there is NOT consent in these things they become rape, slavery, and robbery. When you are forced to do something against your wishes, that is being chained. It’s coercion and it is wrong.

This is why most libertarians find most of what the government does to be illegitimate. Some of us see government in the way the Founding Fathers of the United States saw it – ‘a necessary evil’ and others see it as completely illegitimate. The one thing we all agree on is much of what the government does is force compliances to its wishes with force, the threat of force (coercion) or fraud.  Because none of this involves consent; they are no better than kidnappers, extortionists, and thieves for the most part, except what they do has been deemed legal by society.

As a classical liberal, I accept that some government is necessary, but not because I think society wouldn’t do well without it.  I rather accept the fact that most people will not accept the idea of anarchy.  No matter how much you educate people on this, they want some central authority to appeal to if things go to shit.

So I accept that the government might be a necessary evil but I want it to have very specific and limited uses. 1) Protect my rights – make sure I am accorded my life, liberty, property, and ability to pursue my own happiness. As long as I am not harming anyone else’s rights, I should be allowed to exercise my own and the government should protect that. 2) Provide a court system to settle disputes but also don’t forbid or regulate private arbitration. This court system should also provide just punishment for those who violate other people’s rights including when agents of the government do it. 3) Provide a means of education for the purpose of people learning their rights, but also have no say in private education that wishes to exist.  I see a government that should be involved in defense, public safety, justice, and education.  Everything else, they should butt out as it is not really their business.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

Needs (Geri):

The one thing that is hard for people to accept because they have gotten so used to their chains is a simple fact that society advances far better when people are free and voluntarily doing the things they love to do.  I have never found self-fulfillment in complying with the wishes of others and I would say that it creates a mental state that doesn’t help anyone around me either. WE NEED LIBERTY to be better people and thus have a better society of people who work together freely.

Wants (Freki):

I find myself these days attracted to those who are deemed criminals.  Mostly because I don’t see a crime unless there is a victim.  If you can’t show me a victim to the crime where they were forced, coerced or fraudulently treated then I say there is no crime.  So when the government passes laws where there is no victim but something is declared a criminal activity, I applaud the criminal element for taking that nonsense on.  They are real patriots at that point in my book. I want to live in a society free from these moralistic chains that criminalize people who have victimized no one.

Reason (Huginn):

That said I am no fool.  I kick in The Book of Rabyd 2:2 at this point.  I also engage in the 11th commandment – ‘Don’t Get Caught” and part of not getting caught is tolerating the law, even when it is stupid, to avoid incarceration.  To work to change the law and get rid of laws that create crimes out of the air that have no victims.  At the same time, the government has the real potential to go too far. Revolution and disobedience are options for me.  I refuse to accept any of society’s chains on me.  I tolerate the annoying, but I will gladly revolt against the tyrannical.

Wisdom (Muninn):

Mostly I simply work to live as freely as possible. To avoid the nonsense and yet at the same time pursue freedom and liberty, because it is those things that allow me to improve myself and my situation. Wisdom says I need the liberty to pursue a better life for myself, but society will also try to put its chains on me and I need to know what to do to avoid that as well.

Conclusion:

If my paganism keeps me free from the chains of religion in regards to spirituality, my libertarianism does the same when it comes to the forces of society and government. Shackles are impositions, we are not born with them and we should do everything in our power to maintain our birthright of being free.

You are born free; learn to stay free.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!