Personality Types

“Year Ago Retrospect (Part 2) – Church Nonsense” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 17

/ Ed Raby Sr / 3 Comments

Happy Moon’s Day

Warning: To my family and friends, this one is going to be as truthful as the old Rabyd Microphone so be advised.  Mostly I feel the need to write this series for therapeutic reasons.  This also a long post so be prepared to give it some time. 

This is part two of a Year Ago Retrospect. These are going to take the place of my normal journal posts this week in a mini-series:

Click Here for Part 1 

In Part 2 of “Year Ago Retrospect,” I am going o deal with my other break up – with my faith and my last church.  The major trouble with the church started the moment I let certain people know I was having an affair with Miss Salty,  Most notably The Dirty Pig.  But I need to do a little background on my relationship with him first so you know why his betrayal was so painful. It is this relationship that is central to the Church Nonsense so bear with me.

When I first came to my last church, the two of us hit it off.  He made the observation that I was going to be myself and that people would just have to deal with that and from then on I considered him a friend.  A lot of people think they know this guy so when I talk about this stuff, they think I am lying about his character and actions.  You need to understand that I knew him a lot longer than any of them.  We were friends, we did the same small group together for over nine years, I did him a lot of favors over the years and while I never asked him for anything he would on occasion give me something or help me out. I know the Dirty Pig from long experience and only after he betrayed me and I looked back did I see the painful truth that I suspected, but could never prove and didn’t want to believe was true.

Our friendship was good; not best friends but solid and he was a part of my circle. Note that for me, an INFJ personality type to say that is significant.  But also I knew the emotions of the man as an empath and sometimes what he felt was troubling.  It was contradictory to what I felt he should be feeling at times.  Amusement when something was pretty tragic. Over time I would say it was like a cat looking at mice as far as his emotions. Given that he had been a cop all most of his career, somewhat understandable although a little uncomfortable. There was always this element of ‘my viewpoint on life is superior and people better respect that’ with him.  He also was highly competitive and I never saw him happy when he came in second in anything.

We got along fine for a long while but our friendship got strained more and more as time went by. I am very accepting of people’s flaws and other viewpoints and he is not. The first real issue I noticed there was a problem here was when I was trying to get a modern worship team started. It was going OK, but he would make comments like ‘that hippie music’ and such.  He said he didn’t mean much by it, but it had a negative effect. I went away for vacation and when I came back he basically tells me that the worship team is no more.  Funny, as the pastor I was constitutionally in charge of ministry – the spiritual head of the church.

I had dealt with powerful influencers in the church before.  If thy are for the most part benevolent then the best course of action is to make them allies if possible. The problem with the Dirty Pig is I would classify him as a traditional obstructionist. That is the preferred a very traditional view of what a church service and function were. If he didn’t like something along these lines, he would pretty much not support it or even actively block it.

His basic tactic was to control the agenda of the church by using his position as the moderator to channel what was talked about and what was not.  I am now firmly convinced in that church, in particular, the moderator is the most powerful position because of this and should have term limits because of it. He also added the fact he maintained a good relationship with enough people to vote both on the council and in the congregation to get what decision he wanted. If the church grew or added people who did not share his view, something would be said by him that would cause them to either backdown or stop attending.  The church could never really grow too big because that gets harder to control and the people in it were his supporters with only a few people that were detractors.

One thing that really bothered me about his attitude, but I could never do much about, is his belief that by being cop he could also be a good pastor.  I would probably tell him now there is no direct correlation and he has no fucking clue what he is doing when it comes to building a church and ministry.  But it is all irrelevant to me now.

In the summer of 2016, I took a sabbatical of one month. I had two issues at the time 1) my faith was starting to crumble, and 2) the church was not going to be able to support me long term unless changes were made and there was no way effective change was going to be made as long as the Dirty Pig kept interfering in everything new I proposed that he didn’t like.  When I got back I wrote a letter to the church board outlining my problems and what needed to be done. A good chunk of it was directed at the Dirty Pig and his church political control, and he knew it.

There were only two responses: 1) One guy who understood I was right said so privately but also didn’t want to fight any more about it.  He stayed on the council long enough to got something for his departed wife done as a memorial and left the church.  2) A second guy who was not on the council challenged the business dealings of the church and was basically silenced through the Dirty Pig’s moderator power. Everyone else stayed in line and stayed quiet.

After that, I basically said to myself:  “This church is going nowhere as long as the Dirty Pig runs it.”  I am just going to come, preach and help people where I can.  I had a couple years of education to do and then I was out. I could do the job and then walk.

Then, of course, Miss Salty came along and kind of upset all that. One day in April of 2018, at a prayer meeting, she bounces in and announces that the Dirty Pig is no longer her favorite person, but I am.  I could see his face.  That “I don’t like to finish in second’ look all over it. I am not saying there was anything romantic in his intentions toward Miss Salty, but like all people who came into his life with problems he always wanted to be the one that ‘fixed’ them, so he could pat himself on the back. The sides were set at that point.

The following events are as best I can reconstruct them in order and true as I know:

  1. Miss Salty and I announced our affair to her aunt and my wife on Sunday evening.  Monday, the Dirty Pig got the news from the aunt and I headed over to his place of business to talk.
  2. I had written my resignation and gave it to him.  He argued four things: 1) That I shouldn’t resign, 2) That I was going to ruin my pastor career, 3) That I was going to not have a future career in anything else. and 4) That I needed to dump is Salty because she was ‘a deranged little girl’ that is never going to amount to much and be an embarrassment to me. My responses: 1) No, I am going to resign. Inside my head, I knew he would use this against me to control me. 2) Didn’t give a shit anymore.  3) Maybe.  But as my one friend would say later, people don’t really care why a pastor leaves the ministry when they switch to something else.  He is right. 4) That’s an interesting opinion of a woman who has a very high opinion of you Mr. Dirty Pig.  I told him I didn’t know where this relationship was going but I knew I loved her and wanted it to be mutual.
  3. One might argue that at this point I should have known the Dirty Pig was dirty, but he told me he would do as I asked and read my resignation and would handle things as my friend. Given all I had done for him over the years pretty much because he was my friend, I was grateful. I trusted him to do the right thing in this regard because of our friendship, and it is what I would have done for him.  I had not seen him be dishonorable in that regard and that was my downfall with him.
  4. On Tuesday, Miss Salty and I broke up the first time.
  5. Wednesday, The Dirty Pig calls me up and asks me to revise my resignation to not have the confession line.  His reasons: not wanting to start gossip in the church and not wanting to drag Miss Salty into this.  I felt the reasons were sound and because I was planning to tell the story myself the next Sunday after, I agreed and told him I would get it to him in the next couple days.
  6. On Friday, I handed him the revised resignation, no confession line in it.
  7. From a conversation I had later in July with Miss Salty, I was made aware that it was also Friday and about the same time that he called her asking her permission to tell the story.
  8. Sunday The Dirty Pig reads my resignation and then tells the story.  This information got back to me as well as the information that the congregation had been whipped into a lynch mob for all practical purposes. I knew then I could not go back and talk to them now as from their perception I was hiding something, which was never my intention.  The Dirty Pig absolute dragged Miss Salty into it and used her, and had every intention of starting gossip in the church to use for his own purposes.
  9. I was also told there was a plan in place to vote for my resignation or to fire me.  They already even had the ballots from one report I got.  That speaks to a lot of intentional planning for a certain result long before the announcement was even made.  Hmmm.
  10. Second Monday, I texted the Dirty Pig as to what was going on?  He never responded and still never has said one thing to me since.
  11. Miss Salty and I began our second dating cycle on Tuesday, In retrospect, my need for someone to talk to given the whole weight of this made me open once again for this relationship.  I was hurting and she was there.

I was fired and then denied any kind fo severance.  They even made it retroactive to May 27th, 2018.  I could probably just walk away from it if it had been fairly treated but I wasn’t.  The deck was stacked against me and I didn’t know it until it was too late.  A person I love was used against me and a congregation I loved turned against me by the Dirty Pig.

Later on August 2nd, as a related in part 1, all this came to the attention of Miss Salty who couldn’t believe The Dirty pig would do that to her..probably.  Through my sources, I learned she called him up when she read my post on August 2nd about this and asked him to refute it.  He wouldn’t talk to her or give her an answer. I guess that was right after she hung up on me for the last time.  After that, she gets high and drunk all the way to the end of the 3rd probably. She found out the hard way what I knew from early June –  I was no longer relevant to the Dirty Pig and now she knew neither was she.

The fact is I now know one thing about him.  If you are no longer of use or you are going to tarnish his precious reputation, he has no problem discarding you. His view of friendship is purely utilitarian.  I would have given him love enough to squash all the rumors and I certainly would have at least have given him time to think about things.  I would have also made sure both sides were represented fairly.  I would take heat for him as a friend too.

There was a ton of rumors at the time and 95% of them were nonsense. Some of them affect my reuniting with my wife so I will deal with them in part three. But I want to set the record straight about my relationship with Miss Salty from May 21st, 2018, to the time of my resignation.

  1. We never had any physical contact beyond holding hands once, hugs and a kiss on the forehead from me to her. There was no sex or sexual conduct.
  2. Our relationship was a lot of ‘I love you’s’ and genuine concern for each other’s happiness and welfare. At least for me, I can’t speak for her.
  3. There were no other women, girls or whatever.  Just Miss Salty.
  4. Miss Salty was a legal and functional adult at the time of this, the entire time. No crime was committed.

The other things that burn me:

  1. That I was never informed at any time of what was happening by any official channel of the church.  I was also fired without once being asked if I could come and defend myself in any way. If it hadn’t been for a few friends, I wouldn’t have known shit.
  2. I currently make more money where I am now and have more benefits than the entire almost decade I served that church.  It seems one mistake costs you a lot of years where I was there for people, held their hands in tragedy and backed and encouraged them. Severance isn’t just about the money.
  3. Very few from the church have come to me to talk to me about this.
  4. They actually sent Miss Salty a voting ballot about my fate. I love the dual accountability. Hammer for me; free pass for her. After all the time they said I was being too soft on her and not treating her like an adult, what they do? Treat her like a child, and actually make her decide something about someone she loved. I applaud her for throwing the thing in the trash.
  5. Because I was fired, I can’t even list anyone from the church a reference because primarily I don’t trust any of them.  But it would be impractical and counterproductive too.
  6. I preached for nine and a half years on grace and forgiveness.  I gave people a lot of grace and we as a church even forgave a couple that actually stole from the church and welcomed them back in. Me – throw me to the wolves.

Some of the rest of the church nonsense comes into play in my marriage discussion, so I will leave it until then.

One last thing, some argue this is the reason for my leaving the faith. Not true, it is more the final crash from a falling faith that started falling back in 2015-2016. My objections to Christianity are theological and philosophical and I will be rewriting them soon in Odin’s Eye for the next month or so.  All this really does is make me thankful I left the world of church politics and hypocritical Christianity behind.  I haven’t been in a church for a service since May 27th, 2018 and I feel so much better for it.  The only justification for a pagan for being hypocritical is making it right or conflict through fire and steel for honor sake.  I will have a message for my church and the Dirty Pig in my last post in this series on Frigg and Freya’s Day.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“A Deadly Grey Storm” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and the Wayfarer – Part 13

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

Hmm.  Lucky 13?

I haven’t done a warning/disclaimer on one of these posts in a while and this one will probably need one.  I am going to be very open here emotionally and if you don’t want to be inside that storm of mine known as depression (aka The Grey) just don’t read any further.  My purpose here is mostly to sort out my own emotions. For some reason that works better when I know I am going to publish them publically and always has.  I don’t get it either, but trust me, I know the difference between this and private journal entries and it is night and day as far as honesty.  I really lie to myself when it’s private.

I have been having a real battle with The Grey these days.  A real fucking storm that feels as deadly as a lightning bolt for my psyche.  It started as soon as the week that transitions from June to July and it all as to do with memories. But I now am beginning to realize that it is also about this continued struggle between my own happiness and trying to make others happy.

The questions continue: How much of my own happiness do I need to give up in order for others to be happy? At what point will I cross that line again where I become fucking miserable and feel trapped? In feeling trapped, at what point do I fucking lose it again?  Can I keep the animal inside, the monster caged? Do I even want to keep him caged?

There is still a hole that got ripped into my life last summer that none of the events of this last year have filled. A scar that still bleeds inside no matter how much I try to forget and move on. The doom of grey clouds that swirl while they are tapping into that hole in my heart is sometimes overwhelming, and I don’t know why. Why can’t I get over this?  Why do I still think of her and what happened? Why do I still revisit the pain of this over and over again?  A real pain in my soul.  Most of the time I use it as fuel for a lot of things.  ‘Pain as Fuel’ is a theme of mine, but there are times it hurts too bad.

The pain of the loss of friendship dots the landscape too.  The betrayal that revealed a man who was never my friend but a silent hater and took the opportunity to do all he could to destroy me when I made my mistake. Why do I keep this letter from my church that is so painful to me?  Sometimes it motivates me, but other times it just makes me angry and sad.  Some days all I really want is one free shot at a man who is as false as a three dollar bill and whose friendship is half as valuable.  Who most people in the church think is wonderful, but now I see the truth of his hypocrisy and narcissism. The image of him lying bleeding and broken makes me smile and then I get worried about that image even being in my head.

Emotions are strong and run the gambit from anger…no check that…fury to deep sadness to shame and back again.  My insomnia runs deep sometimes because the dreams and nightmares are back and they hurt to have them.  So some nights I don’t sleep well at all and other nights not at all. I knew it would be bad but this much more than I expected.  Why am I trying to simply get a mere five minutes of peace of mind at least once a day?

Religion was no help before and it still isn’t.  Worthless is my old faith.  No amount of believing in fairy tales and imaginary friends helps anymore.  I know it is up to me and that’ the bottom line.

Sometimes the Nine Noble Virtues help but sometimes they are the problem as I try to apply them:

  1. Fidelity – I am trying to be loyal to some of my loyal relationships but at the same time be loyal to myself and I find that it is getting harder not easier. I have given up a lot of what I want in order to stay true to others.  One relationship, in particular, seems neglected – the one to myself.  It is starting to become apparent to me that I have given up some loyalty to myself to maintain the others. Are my loyalties simply contradictory by nature and that is the problem?
  2. Courage – I need freedom like water to a dying man in a desert. But, I lack the courage sometimes to board the ship.  The storm is great right now, so motivation and courage are at best difficult.  But is it an act of courage that is needed where I face the truth, board the ship in the bad weather and sail anyway?
  3. Truth – why is it so much easier to write my feelings like this than say them? Is the answer obvious but I don’t want to take that path because others would be unhappy if I did?
  4. Honor – Some days I would give a lot for the simple feeling that I have some value to myself.  Last year at this time I had that and then it was suddenly yanked away.  It has been a hard haul every since with honor.
  5. Perseverance – I keep getting up, but I wonder why.  What is the point?
  6. Discipline – Have I disciplined myself enough before the storm to ride it out? Is staying disciplined the way out?

Lots of questions here, not a lot of answers.

The Grey Storm is great and my only real fear at this point is that I won’t see the fork in the road I need to take to get out of it. Or, that I won’t last to see the end of it.  I know something will take me out in the end.  I just am not sure what it will be, but I will never stop trying if not for any other purpose that I want to give Death the middle finger as I pass her in the rain.  Not today bitch.

It all adds up to one big Grey Storm that I am trying to navigate.  Spear in hand; Ravens at the shoulders: Wolves at my feet. Hoping it ends soon because I need to see the path and take the right steps.

If you have read this, thanks for taking the time for reading the ramblings of a tired old wanderer.  I just want to be happy again and all this dwelling on the past undercuts that.  I would like to get past it, but it has never been easy for me to do so.  Relationships leave an indelible mark on my soul because of who I am and it just isn’t that easy for me. Even when I do the INFJ door slam, it takes a lot to get there.  My heart is easily bruised and damaged and part of that damage is the mark people leave behind that I can’t shake.

Well time to end this for now.  I strongly suspect there will be another The Grey and The Wayfarer very soon as the saga of my journey will continue and right now it is pretty dramatic.

Still Walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Changes for July-Sept 2019 (Part 3)” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

Change does not dwell in the realm of comfort zones and nothing more reflects that than the Self Virtues. In Discipline, I push myself past comfort and into something stronger. In Perseverance, I keep getting up after failure and defeat which always difficult but in the end gives the needed change in life to make it better. Fidelity is not always easy, especially when things are hard but it is the relationships that are strong because of the challenges to them that last.

The big thing in this section is the Rest Day Routine.  It has to be restful so it must have things in it that I enjoy doing and are recharging to me. It also can’t be full from stem to stern with shit so I am busy all day long like the Work Day Routine. I like downtime and time to do other things I find enjoyable and entertaining.  It doesn’t mean these activities will not involve the Disciplines but they will be things I enjoy doing.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To Be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.

The goal has been changed to reflect reality and I need to just set monthly subgoals so each month I am getting closer to it. It is important that my diet is tight as I head into winter, where up in the north, we all become more sedentary.  Even if I do move south, I still want it tight. I really need this to be better because I don’t see any other way to lose the last few pounds of fat I want to lose and at the same time maintain my muscles.

The bucket list item is a little bit outside the coming year by one day but the planning and execution of a lot of things are within that year.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

Weightlifting is a Work Day Routine item.  Stretching is Morning Routine. Walking is thus a Rest Day Routine item. It is also now the only exception to the three days a week thing. I might simply have only two days off.  Of course, if I am around when the snow flies, I might find myself doing the walk in the gym. This illustrates that items like these are things that are work and rest to me. All forms of exercise are kind of like that for me.

The next item on my bucket list is my first tattoo.  I don’t know if this would constitute an act of rebellion or not, I am however saving money every payday toward it. I am hoping a new and more lucrative job might enable this faster.

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

I look at achieved goals now and I see that every year I will have nine of them and the main goal is to achieve as many of them as possible.  To put that strikethrough through an achieved goal is a great feeling.

The research into my family history is one of those Rest day items I think.  I now realize how important this is to have roots that you know as much about as possible and understand them. It gives life foundation and depth when you consider yourself as the’latest chapter of a long story.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom: 

Dividing things into Work and Rest Days is probably the wisest decision I have made in a long time.  I am one of those guys who put the ‘I’ in Introverted of the INFJ personality. It not that I can’t go out and be with people, it is just they drain me and I need a recharge time and Rest Days are going to be just that recharge time I need.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Walking – 1 hour.
  5. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  6. Reading – half an hour for enjoyment.

This leaves a lot of room to do what I want for the rest of the day. The walking part also allows for full-blown two or three-day hikes when I can plan them. There is nothing on this list that I don’t enjoy doing.  The job search thing is now part of the Work Day Routine.  Next week I will be testing and adjusting these as this quarter of the year does not start until the first full week of July. That provides next week with a time of adjustment.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 3

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“A Belated Father’s Day Post” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 12

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

I have been meaning to write this post all week long.  I have had three days off and still was not able to muster the emotional strength to do so.  My father meant a lot to me, words can’t express it, and every Father’s Day I wish he was here so I could say “Happy Father’s Day Dad, I love you.”  After a few moments of that wish, the sadness comes and I realize that I can’t do that because he is gone.

I had my first bought with deep depression after his death.  My first time walking the real Grey and I had the hardest time with it. I was in a depressed state for at least a year and I never really came out of it until I found someone who didn’t judge me for it but actually understood and helped me through it.   That person at the time gave me meaning and purpose again and I was able for the first time to stand and keep walking.

Looking back it wasn’t my faith in Christianity or Jesus that got me through it, just the need for purpose. Reaching deep down and find the reason to keep living when your depressed is hard but the only way to not let it beat you.  That is the key to getting past the depression of losing someone close to you – finding the reason to keep living and going on.  Once I understood this, I have walked the Grey ever since instead of falling victim to it like at that time after my father’s death. I had to do that a lot last year.

I had to take those life lessons and use them a lot last year. I think it created in me my personality that is unique and I had to use one of its strengths last year I didn’t expect. I have found that my personality has this thing called ‘ the door slam’ and it is very real.  When people are no longer part of your life because they have chosen to betray your friendship or walk away from you, you can slam the door in your mind on them and never look back as an INFJ.

One man in particular last year I did this to after I found out he used my trust of him and my love for my congregation and my flame against me to get what he wanted. I literally want nothing to do with him other than to hear that he has been found out for the fraud he is.  I will smile and clap at that moment and move on with lighter steps. But I am moving on without him and I don’t miss him. The door is slammed behind me for him. The only thing I really deal with now is the trust issues are higher because of him.

I can’t do this with people I love deeply.  No matter how bad they hurt me, I can never slam the door on them.  It is always open a crack. It makes me vulnerable to them which in some cases scares that shit out of me.  In other cases, like my father, the vulnerability turns to The Grey. The helpless vulnerable state of being depressed about missing them and not being able to do anything about it. I have been fighting it regarding my father all week long.

I am coming to the hardest part of the summer as memories of last year get really dramatic and my emotional swings from last year were very intense.  This makes memories of them tough and a swirling storm of The Grey I am walking through right now.  I wish it was late August as the memories start to get happier. But I have a couple more months of this to go.  But my father’s wisdom and the lessons I learned from his death and moving on from it are still with me.

Well, this is a father’s day post so allow me a moment of conversation with my departed dad.

“Happy Father’s Day, Dad – wherever you are. I love you and I miss you.  I wish you could be here to see what your grandchildren have become – they are all awesome and your great-grandkids are out of this world.  I feel they have all been robbed by not knowing you better.  I am fairly sure you would have spoiled them with your love by now.

I don’t know if you would be proud of me anymore.  I don’t really care in some ways about that.  I just wish you were here so I could say I love you and get one more of your monster hugs that would crush my chest. I feel that still when Ed, Jr. hugs me.  He is a lot like you. I wish you could have seen him play ball – you would have loved it.  He is becoming a great father like you. Justin is a hard worker like you and has made his own life which would make you proud.  Patience – well that little one year old you used to carry, is all grown up and taking care of your wife.  She lives in the house you used to call your home and now it is hers and I know you would be proud of that. You would be very proud of the woman she has become, I know I am.

I see bits and pieces of you in all of them.  Sparks of your legacy.  I love you and miss you, but every now and then I see you in them and you don’t seem so far away. Even little Otto has your eyes and your happiness. You still live in all of them.  For that, I am thankful to you and the father you were.

I love you, dad. I always will.”

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“April-June 2019 Assessment (Part Two) ” – A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Wooden’s (Odin’s) Day

Journal Entry:

As I continue to look at the progress of my goals and bucket list items, I am reminded that the whole point of doing this is I am building a new life for myself. All of this is about walking the path known as my life and making it new. It is why this quote from Socrates resonates with me so much.  I wonder to myself a lot if fighting the past is worth it and I say ‘no it isn’t’. So my focus in having goals and a bucket list is more about the new and building the new.  Central to that is the Nine Noble Virtues if Asatru and in the case of my new career and life involving the business of life – Self-Reliance, Industriousness, and Hospitality take center stage.

At this point I can celebrate a goal achieved already this year but also a struggle rears its ugly head. Mostly, now that I have determined that goals need to have a year time limit I breathe a little easier but that is no cause to not try to do them sooner if possible. Let the evaluation continue.

Self-Reliance:

“Self-Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual but also for the family, clan, tribe, and nation.”

Principle: To achieve and maintain personal independence and advocate for independence in my family, state and nation.

Goal:  Find a new, better paying job by the end of June 2019 or before.

Bucket List: To own and run my own successful business or company by March 2029.

I am getting to the point of frustration with my job search in Michigan.  I think it is because opportunities are not what I am looking for in my home state.  I keep turning down job offers and opportunities from a friend who lives in Texas and I wonder why I keep doing so.  If it is a new life I am looking for I can’t think of any better way to do it than move 1000 miles away and start over. If I don’t find something by the end of June this goal will have to be reevaluated and I might have to have a long discussion with my family about how they feel about my wife and me living farther away.

Put a time limit on owning my business or company out 10 years.  Maximum limit but it needed to be done so I can look at this more objectively.  Deadline no matter how far out tend to make me work toward something more effectively.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with the enjoyment of work itself.

Goal: Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019 (achieved)

Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published by March 2022.

Goal achieved here and so I am ready to look for what is next.  I know I will probably further my education at some point again but I am thinking a new job for a year might be good right now to catch my breath and get a sense of a new normal before I begin pursuing another degree.

Writing comes up again, I am going to put a three-year time limit on the novel.  But from a routine standpoint, I think treating writing like a ‘job’ is a better call with it part of the daily routine in some way.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: To share out of my abundance to help people where I can with their life’s journey.

Goal: By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader of a support group of some kind.

Bucket List: To own my own home by March 2024.

I may change this goal a little next week.  I am not sure if I want to lead or be a part of one or if it necessarily needs to be an official support group. What I think would be more beneficial and an opportunity to be hospitable is simply to join something that gives me a chance to be a part of something that is fun and promotes human relationships in some way. Could be a lot of things here, but recognize my need to be a part of a group that gives me a social life. Me being INFJ taken into account, I know this is true.

My own home.  It is a good thought and one I want to see happen within five years. I have lost a lot being in the ministry for twenty years and not owning a house is one of those things that is a consequence of that life.  New life says I want to own my home and secondly have it paid off by the time life makes me retire.

Higher Virtue – Justice:

My attempt in life and business is to treat people as best as possible.  To achieve relationships privately and in business relationships that are mutually beneficial and lead to prosperity.  Justice is about being as equitable as possible.  I still think that my goals and bucket list items reflect that.

Daily Routine:

  1. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  2. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  3. Reading – half-hour. Priority order: work, school, pleasure
  4. Study / Homework / Research: half hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
  5. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, other actions, etc.
  6. Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
  7. Weekly Routine Items
  8. Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 2

This list will get longer and my weekly list shorter.  But I am also going to do something that distinguishes work days from a day off work. More on this in a couple days as this affects the Weekly Routine the most.

Still walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Marriage Balance” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

I mentioned on Wooden’s Day that the struggle for me and my wife is marriage balance.  if you love someone you want them to be happy and the best way for you to let them achieve that is let them be themselves.  On the flip side, you got married to that person because there are things you expected from the marriage as far as what the marriage does for you.  What you expected the other person to do for you that would help you pursue that happiness.

For me, there is a lot of freedom I expect to be given to me and I work very hard to give a lot to my wife. At the same time, I know she expects some things from me and I from her. We wouldn’t have gotten married if there wasn’t something we were expecting for ourselves from that marriage that in some way contributed to our well being. We at least at the bare minimum expect our spouses to love and respect us.

my struggle is not to lose what I want to compromise to make my wife happy.  I know that sounds counter to what I just said but the problem is if you are miserable as a consequence of making the other person happy, then that is not right.  This is the problem because freedom and expectations need to be such that both people are achieving happiness.  That the other person’s happiness affects your own.

I spent three very long years doing stuff to make my wife happy which at the same time made me miserable so my struggle is not to repeat that. I don’t want to lose what I want out of life and my marriage to make her happy at my expense.  She loves me, so it should mean she doesn’t want that either. It is definitely one of those tricky things for us.

It is where the virtues of discipline, perseverance, and fidelity help.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To follow A FULL Paleo Diet Plan from April 1, 2019, to March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.

Now I am not talking BDSM here with marriage and discipline. 🙂 I am talking about the regualar expression of love, affection, and renewal of the relationship that needs to take place on a daily basis.  If your spouse is the number one person in your life, then one of your number one priorities should be to express that every day somehow.  On your list of things to do this should be right up there as the number one relationship discipline of your life.

With my wife and me, this involves a few things.  For my part, I make sure to send her a text saying I love you every day.  I do this in person every day as well.  Now we have the possibility of us being separated for whatever reason which means a face to face phone call that day instead.  Every day we are together we also have cuddle and communication time which is mandatory for at least ten minutes. I know my wife asks me how I am doing most days because she knows I walk the Grey known as depression so she asks from time to time and really means it.  I do my best to answer absolutely as honestly as I can.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

Marriages fail when all sides give up.  My wife never gave up once we split-up. She was getting close to it as we got closer to divorce but she never caved. Her failure was pretty much giving up on thinking she needed to still work at our relationship.  Part of perseverance is not taking things for granted including your marriage is strong.  Sometimes it just isn’t strong and you need to work on that.  Never assume that just because you have been together for a while that you or your spouse are in a good place.

In our case, the relationship was falling apart for years before my affair.  If it hadn’t been nothing would have happened because the strength of it would have protected it.  It was a weak marriage because both of us were dissatisfied with the other person.  Respect and expressions of love were very minimal. For me, this coupled with my personality type which is the kind that expects a lot out of relationships and needs a small amount of very close relationships and at least one intimate one to function, I was very lonely.  The rest is pretty much the anatomy of the typical good guy who has an affair.

Even after all that both my wife and I still decided to give it one more try and make the necessary changes. We got up after failure and kept going.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

The balance problem in our marriage is one of respecting the individual loyalty she and I should have for ourselves and what each of us wants as individuals; and at the same time, there is our relationship that requires compromise on that to maintain loyalty to the marriage itself. It is a balancing act where sometimes we give up something we want and other times, we give the other person the freedom to do what they want to do.   The real challenge is when what we want involves the other person.  Still a work in progress on this one as we are both trying to figure out a lot of things.

One note I need to make here is the mini-vacation was achieved. It was nice although every time we take one of these things, other issues get revealed that require thought and action.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom: 

Wisdom in marriage is a collective thing and each side needs to listen to the other.  Sometimes you are the one with the wise words, sometimes it’s your spouse. Balance is key the most in this regard. What I do know is that following the Nine Noble Virtues on my side has lead to some good things in my marriage.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting/Stretching – Minimum 3 days per week.
  2. Walking – Minimum 3 days a week
  3. Job Search – Minimum 3 days a week
  4. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  5. Writing – 3 times a week
  6. Latin – 3 times per week
  7. Cheat Meal Count: 3 per week.

Next week I will be working on moving these things as much as possible to the daily list.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 3

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Asatru and Courage” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Courage

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Discussion:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time

As I was reading the Asatru website Ravenbok on Courage I realized that there is one aspect of courage that even that website admits that most followers of Asatru fail at and that is having courage about what they believe. It is this folding to the prevailing Christian culture or whatever other religious culture exists and not coming out and telling people you are pagan is what they are talking about here.  Courage is lacking in this regard although anyone who wants to know where I stand simply has to read this blog and its The Pagan Pulpit.

Just for the record, I am a diest humanist that has very pagan tendencies when it comes to spirituality.  I don’t really have a problem saying it.  Social acceptance be damned!  Perhaps this is one area of Asatru I do better in.  I don’t proselytize as that is not very pagan but if someone asks, I sure as hell will tell you where I stand.

But I get it.  For literally millennia the Abrahamic religions have hunted down pagans and killed them.  Hell, the Bible has in the book of Joshua that not only justifies this Genocide but clearly paints a picture that the biblical god would not be pleased with his people unless they killed every man woman and child.  Well, except virgin girls so the men could make them their wives. In this atmosphere, it can still be hard to have the courage to say you’re a pagan to people who have demonstrated historically that they will come up with multiple and twisted reasonings to subject and kill those that disagree with them.

For myself, I follow the virtues of Asatru and they remind me Courage is a commitment to do the right thing at the right time, every time. That includes when people ask me what church I go to tell them –  I don’t go to church.  My place of worship is every place that I am and my act of worship is to act at all times according to the virtues of Asatru.

Website: Ravenbok – The particular page is: The Values of Asatru

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

Courage is the most needed virtue in the face of Fear.  Courage is a choice and a needed choice if one is going to do anything.  Our world gives us lots of things to fear. Politics and religion encourage us to fear because it makes us easier to manipulate. Courage is the needed choice to be free.

I need a lot more courage in expressing my self verbally. I guess it is my personality.  The few other INFJ types in know all have the same problem.  Being natural empaths we don’t want people to feel bad because then we feel bad ourselves. So we find alternate ways of expressing our feelings.  In my case, I find it far easier to write my feelings than say them.  That way I can’t feel people’s reactions to my written words.  I need to overcome this to a point that I can face those feelings bravely.

Wants (Freki):

It is this freedom that gives the desire (want) to embrace liberty and self-reliance. Better to live free and die than to bow in chains.  You need and want courage because it is the means to liberty and freedom of choice. Otherwise, your fears will lead you into chains.

I know there is a freedom o open expression.  I have had it a couple times where I and the other person could talk freely about what we felt and ti was very liberating.  I just have to have the courage to take the steps I can on my side to get there.

Reason (Huginn):

That said, there is a great deal of difference between foolhardy and courage.  There is no courage in paying a price or dying for nothing. Courage should cause us to fight for the things that matter.  Part of real courage is reason.  Rational courage is what we are making choices about not being afraid of the things in our way of a better life, not knee jerk martyrdom.

When it comes to expressing myself verbally,  I know what I need to do.  I know it is reasonable and wise.  That is not the problem.  It is, in the end, making the choice to be brave.

Wisdom (Muninn):

Some times the wisest path to walk is the one that involves facing our fears and overcoming them.  It gives us the strength to face later challenges.  Courage has wisdom to it when it is used for a purpose because it leads to the building of character.  And no one has ever built character into their lives without acts of courage.  Fear and cowardice only lead to the things people despise in their more rational and wise moments.

Conclusion:

‘I walk with courage. I follow the old ways. I strive for honor. I know what I stand for.  I am proud of that.  I am heathen.’

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Forks in the Road (Part 1)

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

This week I want to concentrate on some of the future decisions I am going to need to make very soon.  Forks in the road for The Grey Wayfarer.  When it comes to my Foundational Level this is more about my general purpose for my life,  What is the overall plan.  Business is how I handle others, and Self is of course about how I handle myself.  Foundational forks in the road are about principles I live by at all times.

The most significant change in my life in the last year was my departure from my faith which significantly changed my life both in my profession and my personal life. MY new ‘faith’ has been somewhat a question I wrestle with a lot. The one thing the Nine Noble Virtues has done for me, it has kept my life at a foundational level somewhat stable to go forward. That said every day is a challenge regarding ethical and moral decisions and that is what the foundational virtues are all about as I go forward on the path.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

Whatever path I take these days I want it to be an honorable one.  I want it to be something that as I walk that path, there is a feeling of inner value in what I am doing.  in a recent conversation with a friend, he asked me how the job search was going.  Oddly enough I didn’t refer to a business virtue for the answer but this concept of Honor. I want something that fits that gives my life meaning and value to myself. Where I can better recognize honor in others, once I possess it for myself.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

I am finding when Courage is needed in any decision, it is more about following my intuition than what I see.  I know you would think as an INFJ personality type, I would do this automatically, but actually, that makes you second guess yourself a lot instead of following your instincts.  I need to make a lot more decisions following my instincts.  They are far more often right than wrong. It is one thing to logically look at things and see the Truth of the situation, but at the same time what is right is often not a matter of logic.  Doing the right thing at the right time is about a soul-deep decision that is more about guts than brains.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

Now, this is not to say logic and reason don’t have a lot to do with my decisions.  What I find Truth does – it defines what decisions are relevant and possible.  It doesn’t make the decisions necessarily, but it helps me define what decisions need to be made and what benefits I can perceive through the Truth that each of those decisions has or might have.  It is how mostly I see the path and the choices before me.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Which of my choices follows the most loving path? It is one of my three questions I ask at each decision point. Each fork in the road starts with this question of what is the most loving thing to do? There are two others that I will get to under Justice and Wisdom, but this one is usually the first. The thing I have to remember is the first person I need to love so I can love others, is myself.  I have long neglected this part of love and I have made a commitment to ask the questions of self-love these days.  It is starting to become more foundational and that is a good thing.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Breakfast, Medications, and Supplements.
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

I need to focus on this again and I think Stretching is going to come back after meditation. Mostly I miss stretching every morning in the nude. It was not only a physically relaxing thing to do but a spiritual one as well.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – INFJ and Wisdom

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

At 1.5% of the population, we INFJs are the rarest personality type of the 16 identified by Myers-Briggs. We know it too. We feel unique because it is clear what motivates us is to not be like everybody else.  It is no accident that my personality gravitates to something like the Nine Noble Virtues and living a life that is higher and deeper based on them.  Words like Discipline, Perseverance and Fidelity as far as my self concept mean a lot more to me, than they might to others.  All of these virtues have one powerful thing behind them – they are the wise way to handle myself in the midst of this world.  Stay disciplined, keep getting up and stay faithful to the people who have shown themselves faithful to you is simply the wisest way to live for me.

At this point, I have to mention how much from last year to this my personality changed.  Not that I moved to INFJ from something else, but rather how much stronger it is. I mentioned before my Introverted score increased from 75% to 94%.  From an understanding of myself point of view the other three also all became stronger as well.  I got burned, because I trusted my logic a little too much about people instead of my intuition, so I follow my gut more now with a higher N score 64% to 76%.  I have a higher emphasis on love being mutual happiness, so I am much more focused on feelings being important.  F score goes from 58% to 63%  I used to point out how close my J score was to becoming P, but not anymore as it has gone from 51% to 78%.

This is the most significant change.  I might reflect this in the statement – “I don’t trust words or even actions anymore – I judge patterns and results.” I look at the end result and the patterns of behavior and trust my judgment of them more than just the surface words and actions anymore.  In short, I am much more cautious about relationships than ever and I am far more focused on stuff that really means something and my own happiness.

The suggested strategy for my living with this personality is to walk in confident individualism and realize that my role in any group is to be the diplomat.  I would say that is a fairly accurate way to live – a wise way to live.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To follow A FULL Paleo Diet Plan from April 1, 2019 to March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.

Discipline is something I cling to as an INFJ. Having a plan of self-improvement is just a natural thing to me.  If I have to watch anything, it is when I do achieve something the satisfaction from that does not last very long.  I am asking what is next very quickly.  I need to learn to celebrate achievements a little more.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

INFJ people just keep going, Mostly because we don’t really ‘need’ people but we do. I know that seems contradictory, but my personality is such that I can live without people and so when they leave me or abandon me or hurt me, I keep going.  That said, I can’t go forever without someone ‘getting me’,  It makes me slow down and it also leaves me vulnerable. Vulnerability that I can’t see but does build up until I will, without much thought, gravitate toward a person who does ‘get me’ regardless of consequences.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

This vulnerability became really apparent to me last year at this very time of year, although I would not at that time have identified it as such.  There was a young woman who ‘got me’ at a time of my life where I felt no one really did, not even those closest to me in both family and friends seemed to get me, just her. My personality was really excited about this person because they got me. I started to love and gravitate toward this person because of it.  I didn’t really care about much else. I didn’t’ really identify at the time the danger because I didn’t feel it was a bad thing because my need for this had gotten so high.

In the area fidelity, I struggle because I can go long periods without people in my life, but at the same time something inside is crying out to be understood and it slowly gets louder until it is screaming. The problem then is fidelity and even other virtues and their importance diminish in order to meet this need and it is such a strong need I don’t care about too much else.

I still have a hole in my life since Miss Salty’s departure but it isn’t about the romantic side of that relationship at all.  I have that with my wife right now.  It’s the simple thing of she ‘got me’ completely. Saw through the bullshit of the hard calm exterior and reached out to me as a friend and that meant a lot to me..  That was worth its weight in gold to someone with my personality. It is so rare though and I wonder if I will ever have that again.  At the same time I wonder if I even want it to happen again, because my fidelity with other people becomes a struggle when such a relationship appears in my life.  It tends to be all-encompassing because it is so rare to me.

To combat this, I make sure my wife and I tell each other we love each other now.  We make a point of it to tell each other in not just words but actions.  The problem remains in that I am not sure right now even with her, if she truly ‘gets me’ all the time. She is however more mindful of it and checks on my much more than she did which I appreciate so much.  Also, I am much more mindful of my need here and try to deal with it better.  What I need probably is more friends that can each fill a part of that hole. But that Introvert score is so large now thanks to this last year, and as such I am always being a skeptic when someone says their my friend or want to be my friend.  I really only have two friends I trust anymore completely and one of them is my wife.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom: 

I am all about making wise choices now, but in wisdom I also see there are not ‘black and white’ answers.  Only different levels of grey that I must navigate to find the best course. With Discipline I stay focused on my goals and try to be better every day.  With Perseverance I keep going because there is little wisdom in dwelling on defeats and failures.  Keeping a small circle and staying true to those who have been true to me is my fidelity motto, but there is my ‘weakness’ of the growing need for someone who ‘gets me’ completely and I have to guard myself but at the same time meet that need some way.  I guess the path to wisdom will become apparent as I walk it.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting/Stretching – Minimum 3 days per week.
  2. Walking – Minimum 3 days a week
  3. Job Search – Minimum 3 days a week
  4. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  5. Writing – 3 times a week
  6. Latin – 3 times per week
  7. Cheat Meal Count: 3 per week.

This needs simply to be implemented.  I think it is simply time to run with it and see what happens.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 1  Graduated College with BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018.

Bucket List Items Crossed Off: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues – INFJ and Justice

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Wooden’s (Odin’s) Day

Journal Entry:

My definition of justice is fluid, but it would encompass all the aspects of treating people well in the business virtues of my life –  Self-Reliance fits the idea of being self-sufficient so I ma not a burden to others.  Industriousness is the ideal of hard work and Hospitality fits my desire to help. This high belief in ideals in business and human dealings in general is very INFJ.

If you look at the list of possible careers for an INFJ that they will be happy with, it must include an ability to express ideals and values or it will not be as satisfying.  INFJ types can find value in any work if it helps someone achieve anything.  The issue is finding a career path is to taps into that sense of meaning.

Looking at my past, it is no wonder I gravitated to the ministry with its counseling and leadership in the area of ideals. It was job that involved a little bit of everything from vision casting to human resource management. I notice all the lists have writer and teacher and I have to say that was part of the ministry as well.  Writing well that is something I do, I just need to find a way to make it pay money.

In the business world I can see myself working in human resources with its training and human elements of finding the right person to fill each job.  I also see myself taking a leadership position where I can act with more independence very quickly.  Human Resource Manager is on the list of careers I would be suited for and that is why I am heading that direction.

Self-Reliance:

“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”

Principle: To achieve and maintain personal independence and advocate for independence in my family, state and nation.

Goal:  Find a new, better paying job by the end of June 2019 or before.

Bucket List: To own and run my own successful business or company.

I notice this virtue has the word advocate in it and it is a virtue that I think fits most of my career paths.  The one unsatisfying thing about ministry was I always felt in danger of not being self-sufficient .  I was reliant on others and their generosity to the church. No more is my motto on this.  It is also no accident that running my own business according to my own ideals is a bucket list item for me.  All of this is very INFJ.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.

Goal: Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019

Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published.

This virtue allows me to work any job and find the meaning in it which is very important.  However, finding work I enjoy is better. No surprise something about writing is on this list. I must have something with a creative element to it or where I can cast a vision with my ideals.  Writing fits that so well.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: To share out of my abundance to help people where I can with their life’s journey.

Goal: By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader of a support group of some kind.

Bucket List: To own a home by March 2024.

No surprise that helping others is a part of my virtues as an INFJ. I have just learned that there is a need to shut that off at the end of the day and not carry it with me.  I never could do that in the ministry and it cost me.  To help those genuinely in need without draining myself would be the perfect path here.

Higher Virtue – Justice:

Advocate, Counselor, Confidant, Idealist and Visionary.  All these describe someone who is committed to make their relationships with others and the business of their life reflect justice.  They are also titles for the INFJ personality type. The ideal being that everything is fair and right. Now, I don’t believe this is ever achieved as I am that much of a realist. However it is better to strive for justice and rightness than not to do so.  Justice is about right dealings, protecting people’s independence and forgiveness at times.

That said, for me as an INFJ, it doesn’t mean I dismiss unjust action with willy-nilly forgiveness anymore.  I have learned that can just promote more injustice at times. I have let my wolves out to play on some people because it is the right action in some cases.  Mostly though I wait patiently for the opportunity to uphold my ideals by balancing the scales with people.  I have a blacklist because of my sense of justice not out of a sense of personal vengeance.

 Daily Routine:

  1. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  2. Blogging – Organize, revise, write new post for next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  3. Reading – half hour. Priority order: work, school, pleasure
  4. Study / Homework / Research: half hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
  5. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, other.
  6. Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
  7. Weekly Routine Items
  8. Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 2

This is going alright. I need to be more disciplined in finishing everything before I relax.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!