I am not one for New Year’s resolutions and that is because the results are usually bad. The right time to make changes at any time you are motivated to make changes and that can be any day of the year.
I do however have a task to engage for the next three days of reviewing my goals, bucket list items and some overall thoughts on 2020. I will be using the next three days to do that. Then Sunday will be the Pagan pulpit and then the rest of the normal schedule will follow which I will review on Sif’s Day.
Today’s post is short because I got surprised by a visit from the grandkids after work, so I am putting this post out quickly because I still want to chill before I go to bed and do it all again tomorrow. I just need the next few days to clean up things, organize a bit and focus. Thanks for your patience.
I wish you all a happy new year. Thanks for reading.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Just a short post wishing you all happy holidays. I spent most of my morning with some of my children and grandchildren for Christmas, so this is a short post to let you all know that you are appreciated. Thanks for reading and have a great holiday season!
Back tomorrow with another fiction post.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Happy First Day of Yuletide – Mother’s Night – A night sacred to Frigg and Freya so it is fitting that it starts on their day. Tonight was the celebration of the ancestral mothers. it is also in some Asatru communities the celebration of the virtue of Industriousness which is a virtue associated with mothers. To the hard-working mothers out there – Skaal.
Walking The Grey
I am definitely struggling with the holiday season more than last year and it is because I have so much on my mind about the end of this year and what I am going to try to accomplish next year. It is not so much about missing the meaning behind holidays this year as last year, but more about the year coming to an end and the one pagan tradition that I want to observe at the end of it. – Oath Night (Dec 31).
There is also a massive amount of uncertainty to my life right now as far as the future and I am getting help with that but it seems for every question I answer in my mind there are many more. This has caused some sleepless nights and no shortage of anxious thoughts. I also feel like I am alone a lot and the loneliness is pretty heavy at times. My wife, family, and freinds are great, but there are always those lone times for me and for some reason they seem infested with walking the Grey.
Blog News:
A little news from the blog front. I order to have some more time in the coming year to write and engage in a couple other projects I am going to reduce the schedule to one post a day. There might be a The Rabyd Skald or s special post from time to time, but for the most part, I want the regular pattern of The Pagan Pulpit, Three A Skalds’ Life posts covering the Virtues, Of Wolves and Ravens, Odin’s Eye and Freya’s Chambers. In short, this blog is going to take on more of the characteristics of a journal and less a platform for my art. I really need to get going on my writing for publication, reading and another project that I am thinking of launching soon. This just simplifies things for me so I will have the time to do the rest.
Freya’s Chambers will return next week. This week there is simply too much Grey in my life even for a lighthearted look at sex and sexuality. I will also be finishing the Rogue Wizard and Space Tramp series, but not replacing them. Peace.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
I think it is no secret that what is celebrated as Christmas these days was originally a pagan holiday known as Yule. Yule differs from Christmas in that it has twelve days of celebration whereas Christmas centers on Dec. 25th. In contrast, the twelve days of Yule were all about celebrating the end of the year and the welcoming of spring although it will take some time to fully materialize. The Winter solstice is the focus of Yuletide along with a lot of drinking.
Considering that in Viking lands, this time of year is basically hunkering down and waiting out the winter. One did have to keep oneself both alive with stored food and firewood but also entertained and safe from the Wild Hunt. Yuletide is a twelve-day long party and the Vikings loved to party.
The 12 Days of Yuletide are:
Mothers Night – Dec 20
Night of the Wild Hunt – Dec 21
Manni – Dec 22
Freyr and Nord – Dec 23
Feast of Community – Dec 24
Eir – Dec 25
Thor = Dec 26
Skaldi and Ullr – Dec 27
Odin – Dec 28
Sunna – Dec 29
Valkeries – Dec 30
Oath Night – Dec 31
All of these days either have a feast associated with an event or gods/goddesses. A lot of the traditions we see at Christmas are still associated with Yule – the yule log, mistletoe, decorating trees, etc.
Time to Look Through the Eye:
“To see the truth, change one eye for another”
Meditation:
Year’s End seems to have significance for all of us in a more meditative level. For me, 2019 has been a ‘meh’ year for the most part. It has had its high moments but there have also been some downtimes. Mostly though it was just the dull drudgery of existence that I don’t like thinking about as it depresses me, Mostly through meditation I am thinking about what my oath should be for 2020 which I will give on Dec 31st. It is not wise to make oaths and not complete them. Even ones given to yourself.
Mystery:
There is a mystery to my future that hits me at this time of year. I have less and less connected to my past career and life and that is both wonderfully freeing and at the same time frightening as I don’t really know what I am going to be other than being a writer. The mystery of the future seems more prominent at a year’s end.
Spirituality:
If there is anything that hits me as far as spirituality, it is a sense of community. Introvert though I am, I fully conscious that people affect my life for good or ill and that means working hard to be true to those who have been true to me. I guess in that sense as well, communion with my fellow man is important as well.
Conclusion:
Yuletide will probably grow more important to me as time goes by. It does provide a platform to celebrate various holidays with people and that is a good thing. For me, the reflective moments of the past and future are far more significant. For me, this year is about Oath Night. last year I did a very minor and safe oath, I need to take it up a notch this year.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Right now discipline is difficult because of two reasons. Firstly my thoughts right now are a jumbled mess. Secondly, the holidays are so different than regular life and I am struggling to stay above all that. I hate the chaos at times because it is a people chaos, not regular life chaos. I can handle a lot of things but not a jumbled situation where I have to say ‘hi’ to a lot of people which I haven’t seen in a year. This weekend was a prime example of a weekend that is just not me.
I spent Saturday driving somewhere to spend the day shopping with my wife. Lots of travel in a car and people being everywhere is not my idea of a great time. The time with my wife was good, but I felt pressured all day and I certainly did not have time to do what I like to do. Then yesterday afternoon was two family Christmases back to back. Not a fan. It was my wife’s family so I also get half of the family that is cool because they are outcasts like me and the other half that still seems to hold something against me.
From a discipline standpoint, this all combines to make December a difficult month to keep mental focus for me and thus difficult to be disciplined. The negative effect is a lot of things are slipping and I am going to have to double down as soon as all this shit is over.
To the Wolves and Ravens:
“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”
Needs (Geri):
Discipline is a needed thing. It is what is the machine that drives success and I need it so much to do what I want to do. The issue is my own thoughts being jumbled because of depression, being put in situations that are uncomfortable. These all just drain me and my discipline suffers as a result.
Wants (Freki):
What I want is a focused life that is getting the results I need. As an atheist, I am not waiting for some divine white knight to come and help me out. I need and want to be the warrior that gets it done for myself. Discipline is the key. That starts with saying “I can do better.”
Reason (Huginn):
I think I am at another crossroads in my life. They happen quite a bit, but 2020 seems more pivotal if I am going to get anywhere near my goals. There is no achievement without discipline and I am looking forward to a time where discipline brings about results. But it is also just a rational nod of the head if there is no action that is disciplined behind it.
Wisdom (Muninn):
I need to find a wise way out of all this jumbled mess. There is a part of me that just wants to wisely withdraw from it all and start somewhere else. But this is the struggle of burning bridges sometimes – do you have the discipline to keep them burned and lying in ashes. No regrets.
Conclusion:
The only master I want is me. The mastery of my own life is key here and I am starting to feel worn out with all the chaos of thought and life. Some order needs to be brought to it. In the meantime, I endure the holidays and wait for the storm to subside.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods, goddesses, or whatever powers that be (if any) either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.
We also don’t take an offering here. We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it. Let’s be honest, offerings are not given to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it. Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never sees a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.
Theme Song: “Diese Kalte Nacht” – FAUN
Lyric Video:
Meditation:
Text:
If you want more details about Asatru, I can’t recommend this book enough.
Sermon:
It was a surprise to me how little I had to change things regarding holidays after I dropped my Christianity in the scrap heap and embraced a more pagan view of holidays. Much of what was pagan, has been absorbed by Christianity. But mostly the holidays reflect the time of the changing seasons. The circle of life.
In venerating the gods and goddesses, the followers of Asatru are simply giving their proper nods to the gods of each time of the year. Mostly there is the notion of Winter and Summer with the transition times more popularly known as Fall and Spring. The issue of holidays is not so much one of noting special events although that does happen for heroes like Leif Ericson but rather about noting the change of the season and the unchanging cycle.
These are the Blóts of note and have their celebrations that are mostly festive although there are some somber occasions particularly in remembrance. But the feeling I get this is more about the celebration of life, honoring the dead and giving devotion to the friends known as the gods.
For me, this was a logical step as I wanted to step away from Christian holidays as I have no desire to be reminded of them. However, I did need to have reasons to celebrate with family and freinds and this is important from a community standpoint even as an atheist pagan. So the holidays are the Viking ones to me and so Yuletide comes soon. They give a time of reflection and reminders of the changing times as well.
Parting Thought:
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Disclaimer: The topics covered in Freya’s Chambers include serious discussions of sex, sexuality and related issues. If it isn’t your thing; you can move along, otherwise enjoy and feel free to discuss. Given the nature of some subjects be prepared for nude images as there may be some. I avoid genitalia as a general rule but is not always possible.
As I head into the holiday season, I am a little more pressed for time these days so my more serious discussions here in Freya’s Chambers are going to give way to a more lighthearted look at sex and sexuality with the festive nature of the holiday.
I will probably do a more serious discussion of Playboy as both a shaper of sexual discussion and Hugh Hefner’s legacy someday. I mean it had a lot of influence on my thoughts as a teen and young adult male. In truth though probably the magazine gets its props for 1) Gorgeous women in the buff, 2) Some interviews that were groundbreaking and 3) Its art including the cartoons which made a lighthearted jab at sexual mores, sexual culture, and hypocrisy. For me the cartoons were not just entertainment, they had a message of pointing out how traditional views on sexuality were not normal but forced. Humor has a way of doing that.
Of course, culture changes so at first playboy cartoons poked at the notion that everyone was celibate and waiting for marriage for sex. The sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s was largely spawned by effective birth control and if I may be very bold magazines like Playboy who made fun of the notion that women, in particular, were sweet innocent things that just wanted a good husband when it came to sex. As research came in, it became clear that women liked to fuck just as much as men. The only difference was they had to worry about pregnancy and stigma more.
Cartoons back then were an avenue of using humor to point this out and Playboy’s cartoons were legendary for doing just that. One of the ideas was that women didn’t need as much coxing to engage in casual sex as people thought and that their appetite was not as high as men. Playboy tried to shatter that with a lot of forms but their cartoons often had women having sexual desire and the guy was about to get a gift from them – a sexual encounter with them.
During Christmas, of course, this idea of gifts and traditions was employed as a central theme and the idea of women presenting themselves as gifts to men is present, I am fairly sure I remember Hugh himself saying in response to the early politically correct crowd that was critical of his objectification of women something to the effect of “women will always be objects of desire to men, that’s how babies are made” or something similar. I am not sure what his psychological knowledge was but he read every interview with every playmate and all of them pointed out what they wanted in a man and many of them engaged the sex questions with responses that would have caused a ‘good girl’ to blush.
The traditions becoming sexualized were often done with the idea that traditions were different in other countries and that often had sexual connotations. Santa Claus, the Christmas party and mistletoe being obvious choices as well. Playboy’s cartoons at Christmas were shall we say sexually festive. Santa being a horny man who gives another gift to the lonely woman is also one that has humor that was present.
Looking back at the playboys under my bed as a teen, I would say the Christmas ones were my favorite. Now I would say they were fond memories of the festive and fun part of the holidays that was sensual. There is playfully sexual side to this holiday and playboy through their cartoons saught to point that out.
My two cents.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
This post is a little later than usual because I am doing a little bit of an experiment with it. In about a half-hour, my therapist and I will be meeting via Skype and we will be hopefully discussing some of my issues so what you are getting with this installment is The Grey and The Wayfarer ‘before and after’. So the part marked ‘Before’ is what I was thinking before I went into session and the part marked “After” is my thoughts as I reflected on them after the session. It has really been up and down these last two weeks so I need to talk about that.
Before:
The issues I want to discuss in this session are the main two of my marriage and identity. In the issue of my marriage, there are some things I need to discuss with my wife and my therapist is going to help me, according to our last session, as to how to approach this discussion as I am a little apprehensive of talking about the specific issues. It’s weird because this isn’t about sex or intimacy but more about common goals, vision and what are we going to do now. What are we now with our values shifting in different directions and the objective for our lives shifting.
The second issue of identity is one of trying to figure out what I am now that I am both an atheist and no longer a pastor. Part of this is career issues that my job coach is helping me with and I will talk on that at a different time. This is deeper than that. More of a foundational question. My hope is there will be some insight as the last two sessions have been more of me talking and her digesting things and coming to understand my situation. Hopefully, she has some wisdom, because right now I could use some and I am starting to feel confined and trapped by the situation. That’s before. See what happens and then I will write an after and then post both.
After:
Things worked as I think she guided my own thoughts into doing what needs to be done. I need to really think about a direct course of designing my life as far as what I am going to be while having options. My primary identity is being a writer, but it is going to be my second one which can be multiple things that will define me as far as other people are concerned for a while.
Also, we talked about Christmas and the family mostly. I just don’t want it to be drama, but I also have the task of telling people I don’t pray anymore over the meals. It’s more about celebrating the season of Yuletide and being with the kids and grandkids as much as possible. I am just there to enjoy, not be the spiritual master of ceremonies.
Of course, we talked about my marriage and all I will say about that is that a conversation between us needs to take place soon. No more there, as no one else needs to know yet what is going on. I just now have it very clear that before the new year my wife and I need to talk about some things. ‘Need’ being the keyword.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
It should be noted, that for me new years and years end from a calender sense do not mean as much to me. My philosophy has always been that the day you are thinking about doing something is the day to act on it. If you wait till later, it will fade and you will find yourself not doing it. My year cycle goes from April to March which coincides with my birthday. That is mostly about the assessment of progress and making adjustments to goals and my bucket list.
That said as I am starting to look back at 2019. I can say at least it wasn’t shitty for me. Not what I wanted completely but it didn’t suck like 2018 or cause grief like 2017. The two things that bother me right now is I felt I would have a new job by now and that I would have crossed at least one thing off my bucket list by now. The deadline is March 2020, but those were the things I wanted to get off my list before the end of 2019.
I suppose it could still happen but I am thinking it will be early 2020 that those things will happen and so 2019 has been the same ole for the entire year. It is the part I have found most frustrating. But this week is about looking at my bucket list and I am trying to remind myself that I still have three months left. it really isn’t ‘year’s end’ for me yet.
Honor:
“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”
Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.
Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days). (achieved)
Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.
The real issue here is once I get a new job, I want to start planning on how to gain the hiking equipment I need to start planning for day hikes, weekend hikes and eventually this hike. As a hobby, hiking is less expensive than most but getting good durable equipment will be my first issue. After that its all about planning and getting some experience.
Courage:
“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”
Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.
Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.
Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.
Money rears its ugly head on this item too. I mean vacations are not that difficult to save for if you have some disposable income. This has a ten-year time limit; well, nine years now. I suppose this year’s end is a reminder that the clock is ticking.
Truth:
“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”
Principle – To Honestly Pursue, Accept and Speak Truth to All who will Listen.
Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020
Bucket List: Read 52 books (one per week) in the year 2020.
This is a new item and begins at year’s end. I need to start planning this one out at least a month at a time.
Higher Virtue: Love:
I think for the purpose of self-love, I need to have a bucket list item crossed off very soon. I need 2020 to be a good year. I really need that at this point.
Morning Routine:
Stretching / Yoga
Shower, Personal Hygiene, Breakfast, Morning Meds.
Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
Meditation – 5 min.
Check Communications and Email.
Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
Get Dressed for the Day
My routines are good and next week I will look at them specifically. But mostly it is the execution that needs to be better.
I remain.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods, goddesses, or whatever powers that be (if any) either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.
We also don’t take an offering here. We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it. Let’s be honest, offerings are not given to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it. Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never sees a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.
Theme Song: MANEGARM – ‘Blot’
An absolutely beautiful song. English translation below.
Sacrifice:
At the hills of the kings
The trees of the gods are standing
An ash tree so proud and strong
A link to the land of the gods
A gate to ancient worlds
Made open with life
A sacrifice made with nine hanged
Whose flesh the ravens prey on
The fields that are here, bear the wounds from the years of famine
Seeds are vanishing in their path
Hear our speech
Bring our sacrifice to your table
A sacrifice to honor you, we give life
We give blood
Give us your crops
Let it the starved earth grow
Give life to the barren north
The fields that are here, bear the wounds from the years of famine
If you want more details about Asatru, I can’t recommend this book enough.
Sermon:
Probably the two most common things that I understand quite well because religions all have them are 1) Festivals and 2) Services. In Asatru, the words are Blót and Sumble but the concept is the same.
Blóts are festivals that involve sacrifice. There are lots of these that either focuses on a particular deity or centered around a holiday. Blóts vary in style and elements depending on the worshipers much like any religion but there are a few common elements to all of them. 1) Preparation, 2) Focusing, 3) Invocation, 4) Offering, 5) Blessing, 6) Sharing, 7) Completion. These elements are commonalities and I have seen them in pretty much any type of religion when it comes to the celebration fo holidays.
A sumble is more of a regular meeting for the purposes of meeting together as a group of worshipers. It is far less formal than a Blót although it can be part of a Blót. Basically put, the master or mistress of ceremonies fills the horn with ale or mead and then announces the focus of that round of the sumble and then either gives the horn to the one taking the role of the Valkerie or just to the next person. The person drinks and then gives it to the next person or speaks with the focus of that round in mind. This is the time for toasts, boasts, and oaths. One tradition has the first round being the focus of praise to the gods, the second round is to remember the honored dead and the third to give oaths as an example.
Oaths are a special case because the sumble has certain responsibilities to the oath-taker. Most notably to challenge the oath if they think it too large or difficult. The group is responsible to make sure oaths are reasonable. They are also responsible to praise fulfilled oaths and penalize or fine oaths that fail.
I have to say that there are two things that happened this week that are of note in regard to Asatru and religion in general. In my group of former ministers turned atheist/agnostic, we spoke this week on social values of religion and how it can hold families, cultures, and societies together. part of that was the mention of holidays and services. People need some symbols and practices to note their tribe and culture and religion often fills that role. The substitute for me is Norse paganism.
The second thing that happened was during work. Thanksgiving I had to work and it is Black ‘Friday’s start so I was there helping with setting up and on the second half of the day checking receipts as people left the store. During that whole time, I was wearing my Wolf Hammer (above) as it was Thor’s Day. I received about five comments on how cool it was and two of those specifically mentioned how they appreciated other religions being represented at this time of year, one mentioning Yuletide. One guy even showed me his hammer tattoed to the top part of his chest. I never met any of these people before in my life, but the connection was there.
This illustrates the power that blóts ad sumbles undoubtedly have to build community and connection. Something that has been missing from my life. Something I probably need to recover. I really don’t connect with Christians that well anymore.
Parting Thought:
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
The Grey Wayfarer 