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A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Reworking the Script

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

I have spent from February 22nd to March 2nd off script.  What that means is I didn’t use my paper journal to keep track of things or remind myself of the things I need to do each day and for the week. I did it on purpose, knowing I would come off of it on March 3rd.  The purpose was to see what is habit in my life,what needs work and what things would simply not get done without the script. I have done this several times in my life and I find the truest test if something has become a habit, is that you don’t need a reminder to do it.

The ultimate purpose is to look at everything and then rework the script in such a way as to be more effective and efficient in achieving my goals.  To find the weaknesses and use my discovered strengths to achieve them.  To find ways, to get more things done with less time.  Mostly though it is a test of character to see how much laziness and procrastination needs to be overcome.

March is my birthday month and in our family we tend to kind of get excited about all the birthdays that month and we have three in the immediate family (My granddaughter, myself and my mother).  There is also the concept of the birthday week where people can up to the time of a person’s birthday for a week and do whatever to let them know how much they are loved and celebrate it. It is not uncommon for their to be more than one party especially for the kids. Then of course there is the birthday itself. The person in my mind basically gets to do what they want (within reason as you are still not allowed to be an asshole or bitch) and gets to enjoy what they enjoy that day.

For me this is a particularity interesting month and my birthday will be number 50.  I always have a little harder time with those birthdays where there is a zero on the end of double digits. This affects my reworking the script in the sense that I have this feeling of change and direction shift that needs to be addressed. So this entire month is reevaluation of Goals, Bucket List, Principles, Routines and Life in general.  I do this regularly, but this Month of March 2019 seems particularly like a critical moment in time for me. It is time to revise and refine the script of my life and make it work better.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

One of the things I will be revising is each principle following each virtue.  I will at least be reconsidering it.  I created all these principle in haste out of necessity, and I think they deserve some real contemplative time.   Some of them are going to stay the same, but I want to be open to changing them.  I want to be open to the notion of realigning everything so it is more efficient.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Change is always difficult, but also if there is one constant to the universe, it is that it is constantly changing.  Wisdom says it is wise to change and adapt to it. Courage is needed to do so.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

This is one virtue and principle that don’t seem to line up as well as they could.  The problem with this one is to keep the principle short and to the point while at the same time encapsulating the essence of the virtue.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I have thought about giving principles to these higher virtues but I think I reject that notion because I think Love, Justice and wisdom are far to deep concepts to define them to that point.  I just want to sit down when I write these journal posts withe the single word in my mind and then write.  All of them are multifaceted gems and so trying to sharpen them I feel would make them less than what they are.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals and Bucket List
  3. Meditation
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  6. Get Dressed for the Day

I really don’t see the need to change this routine.  It works and it is the most consistent I have. ‘If it ain’t broke don’t fix it’, was one of my father’s favorite sayings.  The Morning Routine definitely fits that very well.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.

This concept of realignment is coming up often in my thoughts.  The Bucket list is one of those things that might see a realignment.  What I mean by this is that each Virtue will have a principle, a goal and a bucket list item that are all aligned.  That all follow the same theme as the virtue. That way I don’t have goals and bucket list items that pull me off-center. Yes, this might be a cause to revise or change some of them, but I don’t have a problem with that, if things start coming off this list more often. If things work from virtue to principle to goal to bucket list, that is efficient and kind of the point of the whole thing in the first place.

Weightlifting:

Weightlifting is a powerful desire right now and I know that I need to either get a new job where a gym is a possibility, or start working on some home equipment I can actually store in my apartment. I just need to find a way to prevent going soft until things get better.  I also think part of my anger issues these days is caused by the fact I have no real outlet for that energy.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Crossing Bifrost – Races and Creatures – Giants

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

I suppose the imagery of a giant is pretty universal but as we will see there is a controversy about it when it comes to Norse Mythology. Giants are the primary antagonists in most of the stories of the gods in Norse mythology.  The frost giants take prominence but there are also other types of giants.  Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition’s Monster Manual lists six types of giants – Cloud, Fire, Frost, Hill, Stone and Storm.  It might be argued that all of these have some  from ideas found in Norse mythology.

See the source image

But the question starts pretty early as regards if the Norse people actually conceived these giants as ‘giants’.  The problem is one of translation and when Christians began to translate the word for ‘giant’ they may have bastardized it by adding the Greek mythology concepts and used the word for ‘giant’ that reflected this change.  What you see then is a mutation of the original Norse Idea and the Greek idea of titans.

See the source image

The original concept in the Norse may simply have been beings that represented the forces of Chaos. When you look at some of the giants you get that – Storm, Fire, Frost, Hills, Stone and Clouds are forces of nature that are both large and powerful.  Both needed for survival, but also feared because of their destructive nature at times.  The “giants” are simply personification of these forces.  They may or may not have been large humanoids to the Norse people.  It would make more sense if they were not.

See the source image

The reason I say it would make more sense if they were not, is  the simple fact that the gods and goddesses mate with giants and produce offspring. Sex between two individuals of great difference in size becomes problematic, unless the Norse people didn’t really have the concept of giants being large humanoids but rather simple humanoids that personified certain powerful natural forces.  To the Norse people the gods and the giants may simply been the same size just representing on the one hand forces of order and civilization (the gods), and on the other, the raw natural forces of the world (the ‘giants’).

What I am saying is that the whole notion of these ‘giants’ being large humanoid like creatures might be a later addition.  This would explain why later writers had to give some of the gods the ability to shape shift and change size.  But the original myths may not have had this at all. The my simply have been referring to ‘giants’ as those being who represented the great powers of nature.

See the source image

To me this makes the parings of some of the gods and giants interesting because it represents symbolically the need for the forces of civilization and humanity, if you will, to sometimes cooperate and draw strength from the chaotic forces of nature.  That sometimes the ‘children’ of these paring represent both sides of that equation such as Loki pairings with the giantess that produced Fenrir, Hel,  and Jormungandr.  All of these Children have their chaotic element but there is also the ability to think and speak beyond the base animal that they represent in the case of Fenrir and Jormungandr. Hel herself is human like but represents that primal force of Death, but also her realm is orderly and well thought out.

It is why in Norse mythology all of the gods and giants are the product of a an original giant.  That out of the primal forces of nature came the forces of order and chaos. Both are necessary and both can be in conflict or in love (lust) for each other.  To me it speaks of how the Norse people could recognize that; in all things, some necessary things were present. Fire is a primal natural force that is dangerous; but without it, civilization and technology is simply not possible. The earth and hills can be wild and dangerous places; but without the earth we mine and the trees we cut down, we would not have tools or shelter. The mythology reflects this idea of necessary harmony, even tough at times those forces are a threat to each other.

See the source image

In our world the giants represent much the same.  Large chaotic forces that must be fought and overcome. The show up in a lot of places in fantasy mythology.  But the idea of being primal natural forces is pretty interesting and we see that too.  For me though I prefer if the giants remain as the larger than life humanoids. It just makes the battles more epic. Courage is a necessary thing when facing them. Every movie or book that uses them reflects this.  Or on rare occasions we find a giant that is actually gentle who desires to help but his great power can unintentionally cause harm.  Thus even when we bend such forces to our will, there is still a danger because of their nature.

All important lessons taught to us through the giants.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Book of Rabyd 1:3 – ‘Everyone Has the Right to Liberty’

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sun’s Day

Text: 

“Everyone has the Right to Liberty” – The Book of Rabyd 1:3

Thoughts and Exposition:

Liberty.  It is an easy word to say and it is easy to demand it for yourself.  It becomes quite another matter to give liberty to others.  The great problem with humans is that we objectify others and nearly all methods of objectification involve this notion that people should live a certain way, or do certain things, and if they don’t then they just are wrong and we should make them.

I would submit the moment you are trying to use force, threat of force or fraud to make another person or group of people conform to your vision of morality, behavior or ethics; you demonstrate you do not understand the word liberty. Liberty isn’t just about you being able to live the way you desire, it is about letting others do so too.

This is the thing about calling certain things ‘inalienable rights’.  This means that if you want your right to something inalienable, you have to respect it in others. The other thing is there is more than one inalienable right – you also have life and the pursuit of happiness.  No use of your liberty can deter then from another person’s rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

This has some pretty astounding implication which I will get into later in The Book of Rabyd, but for now note that liberty allows you to do what you want to do as long as it does not interfere in the rights of others. That means you have to think a little bit about things before you act.  There is no just ‘do what you want and damn the consequences’ with genuine liberty. Liberty demands the notion of ‘love your neighbor as yourself’.

On the flip side though, if a person is going to tell me I am interfering with their rights, they better bring proof or show me based on reason how I am dong so.  If they can’t do so, then they are simply attempting to diminish my right to choosing my own path, which should be considered as just as evil a crime as trying to take my life.  People use all kinds of forces from philosophy, to religion to a straight up desire to control others to justify interfering with people’s liberty.  Any such use of these things should not be allowed.

If there is any legacy I want to leave to my children, grandchildren and all the generations to follow at this point; it is I hope they truly consider the blessings of liberty.  Not just for themselves but there is also a blessing in letting others be free.  From freeing oneself from the terrible desire to control the behavior of others.   If I were ever get around to creating a family motto, it will certainly have the Latin word: ‘Libertas‘ in it. It is that important; just as much the inalienable right as life.

Liberty often requires that you don’t do things to please others, you do what is right for you, and recognizing that sometimes others are just being self-righteous, sanctimonious pricks.  The message is about respect of others’ right to liberty as much as respecting your own.  But sometimes it isn’t about that – it’s about trying to maintain your own liberty in the face of those who would take it away though cultural and political rules that they want to impose on you. Sometimes the fight for liberty is simply a matter of telling such rules and those who impose the to ‘go to hell’.  You have the right also to pursuit what makes you happy.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Pagan Pulpit – The Book of Rabyd 1:3 – “Everyone Has the Right to Liberty”

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sun’s Day

Announcements:

We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.

We also don’t take an offering here.  We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it.  Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it.  Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.

Opening Song: ‘Bad Reputation’ – Joan Jett (Uncensored)

Is there an opening message here about liberty.  Yeah.  Liberty often requires that you don’t do things to please others, you do what is right for you and sometimes others are just being self-righteous, sanctimonious pricks.  The message today is about respect of others right to liberty, but sometimes it isn’t about that – it’s about trying to maintain your own liberty in the face of those who would take it away though cultural and political rules that they want to impose on you. Sometimes the fight for liberty is simply a matter of telling such rules and those who impose the to ‘go to hell’.

Poem: “Untitled Meme” by Unknown.
Image may contain: text that says 'Let the gays get married. Let the rednecks have their guns. Let the atheists be atheists. Let the Christians be Christians. America is about FREEDOM. Freedom to live your life as you please. So smoke a bowl, eat a greasy burger, shoot your guns, praise Jesus and wish those two fellas next door a happy honeymoon. It's only when people FORCE their ways on others that problems begin. It never ceases to amaze me how many full grown adults don' t understand that.'
Forcing your viewpoint on others is the issue. Not sure if this is a poem, but it definitely gets the point across.
Meditation:

Image may contain: text

Song of Preparation: “Imagine” – John Lennon

“They say I am a dreamer, but I am not the only one.”

Text: 

“Everyone has the Right to Liberty” – The Book of Rabyd 1:3

Sermon:

Liberty.  It is an easy word to say and it is easy to demand it for yourself.  It becomes quite another matter to give liberty to others.  The great problem with humans is that we objectify others and nearly all methods of objectification involve this notion that people should live a certain way, or do certain things and if they don’t then they just are wrong and we should make them.

I would submit the moment you are trying to use force, threat of force or fraud to make another person or group of people conform to your vision of morality, behavior or ethics you demonstrate you do not understand the word liberty. Liberty isn’t just about you being able to live the way you desire, it is about letting others do it too.

This is the thing about calling thing inalienable rights.  This means that if you want your right to something inalienable you have to respect it in others. The other thing is there is more than one inalienable right – you also have life and the pursuit of happiness.  No use of your liberty can deter then from another person’s rights to life liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

This has some pretty astounding implication which I will get into later in The book of Rabyd, but for now note that liberty allows you to do what you want to do as long as it does not interfere in the rights of others. That means you have to think a little bit about things before you act.  There is no just do what you want and damn the consequences. Liberty demands the notion of ‘love your neighbor as yourself’.

On the flip side though, if a person is going to tell me I am interfering with their rights, they better bring proof.  If they can’t do so, then they are simply attempting to diminish my right to choosing my own path which should be considered as just as evil a crime as trying to take my life.  People use all kinds of forces from philosophy, to religion to a straight up desire to control others to justify interfering with people’s liberty.  That notion cannot be allowed.

If there is any legacy I want to leave to my children and grandchildren at this point it is I hope they truly consider the blessings of liberty.  Not just for themselves but there is also a blessing in letting others be free.  From freeing oneself from the terrible desire to control the behavior of others.   If I were ever get around to creating a family motto, it will certainly have the Latin word: ‘Libertas‘ in it. It is that important; just as much the inalienable right as life.

Closing Song: ‘Whiskey in the Jar’ – Metallica

One final Skaal!!!

Parting Thought: 

Image may contain: one or more people

Amen, Mr. Hoppe, Amen

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Odin’s Eye – My Paganism

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Thor’s Day

Discussion:

“So when it comes to faith, religion, theology or spirituality Mr. Grey Wayfarer, what exactly do you believe?”

“I am a Deist and a Humanist with Pagan Tendencies.”

Raised Eyebrow

I don’t actually answer this question very often, and I think it is because people who care read this blog and know where I stand. The pagan side of it is more about how in interact spiritually with the world.  I no longer believe in following after other people’s spiritual experience, including the collective experience known as religion. I follow after my own and find the spiritual in sometimes the most mundane of places.  I believe if there is a spiritual side to the universe; the only real way to interact with it, is to engage it myself.

This doesn’t mean I don’t interact spiritually with other people, it is just I now recognize the truth that spirituality is based in self, no matter what people say, that is the truth of it.  Even when people follow so-called religions of faith, the origin of faith is internal and that is the simple truth of it. You choose to believe what you want and engage the spiritual in the way your engage it.  This is your creation, even if you use other people’s thoughts and experiences to do it. Or if you uses a religion to form your frameworks, you chose that too.

Time to Look Through the Eye:

Faith:

For me I have faith in myself, my family, my friends and the creator (if he or she or they exist).  I have faith in my relationships that have shown themselves to be faithful and true.  Fidelity and Faith are closely related to me.  I also have faith in humanity as a humanist, although often joke I do not.  I truly believe that things over time are getting better for humans, even though sometimes I wonder.  I also believe that there are a number of humans who use a number of reasons to tell us otherwise.  They try to get us to believe things are getting worse and that humanity is inherently bad.  Unfortunately, the most common means of this conveying this philosophy to us is religion.

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Religion:

I have no real problem with people who have a religion.  That said I do recognize that one of the driving forces behind every religion I can thinking of, with the exception of paganism, is that were are not good enough, evil or sinners and we need to follow X to overcome that problem. Regardless of the form, religion follows the pattern of:

  1. You are no good, evil, bad or a sinner. Take your pick.
  2. You need to follow our religion so you stop being no good, evil, bad or a sinner.
  3. We will tell you from now on what to believe, think, and feel so you don’t go back to being no good, evil, bad or a sinner.
  4. Please make sure you attend regularly to our meetings so we can keep telling you what to believe, think and feel so you don’t go back to being no good, evil, bad or a sinner.
  5. Make sure you leave an offering to support us.

I still marvel at how effective religion is at getting people to pay them to let them do something they could do for themselves for free. No wonder con artists are drawn to religion like  a magnet. There is a fertile ground of suckers.

Even worse is when people get to the point of believing something so strongly that you force it on others. They use political and cultural power to shame, imprison, make illegal and even kill in the name of their religion.  At that point we probably need to realize that religion has led people to psychosis.

See the source image

I don’t have that anymore or time/money for it. None of it.

  1. I don’t think people are no good.  They are people who can grow and develop but I don’t assume they are sinners or evil or whatever.
  2. I don’t think people need to join a group to be spiritual or have faith.  You can do that if you wish, but it is not required for either of those things.
  3. People can practice their faith and spirituality any which way they choose.  There is no right or wrong here.
  4. Spend your money and time as you wish.

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Theology:

If the divine exists, I am fairly sure that all religions and thought on the divine, including my own, are fairly wrong about something. I am left to a deistic theology that basically takes me back to Marcus Aurelius idea of the divine is benevolent, the best they could judge me on would be the virtues I tried to live by because they would understand my ignorance.  If the divine is malevolent, better to be destroyed by them and not serve them.  If there is no divine then virtue still has its own rewards in this life. The best way then to do theology is to simply live in virtue.  Live a good life.

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But the other theology that has changed is my theology of humanity.  I just don’t see humanity like religion does – in a hole and needing the divine’s assistance to get out. Rather I see humanity as just human. I would say we all start our just that, and it is up to us at a certain point to make ourselves who we want to be through our choices and actions.  We can grow and find out our true potential or ruin ourselves. It really is left to us.

Spirituality:

I also believe, though it is not a hill I will die on, that we humans have spiritual side. There is more to love than biochemical hormonal exchange. There is something more to loving our children than just race survival. Call whatever that is ‘spiritual’, if you like.  For me this has led to me seeing the spiritual side of life in many things: hugs, kisses, making love, enjoying a walk, viewing a sunset, spending time with friends, working, etc. Just living is a spiritual experience and one that I embrace – this is what my pagan side is embracing.  All of my life has a truly spiritual element to it now that it never had before. That and it allows me to pretty much have some very cool holidays, and I celebrate other holidays from other faiths along side of them without guilt. A pagan is of all things truly tolerant in this regard. There is simply no one way to be spiritual to a pagan.

Conclusion:

Being a pagan in this sense has actually brought a lot of peace to my life.  I know members of my former faith would argue I am deluding myself, but they only drive home the point that religion makes one arrogant and intolerant of humans other than those who share your faith. I also point to the fact that my Four Major Objections to Christianity remain for the most part unchallenged and unanswered.

Truth is, I am at peace with myself far more than I ever was as a Christian.   I have no sin to be saved from, I only need to walk in virtue and grow into what potential I have as a human being. I love being a Deist and Humanist with Pagan tendencies.  It’s the pagan tendencies that make life joyful.

Continuing to Walk the Path,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Rogue Wizard – The Fire of Fury – Part 5 – Pixie Trouble (1)

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

Rogue Wizard’s Journal January 14th, 2019

I am writing the next few journal entries after the fact of what happened by about a week.  Mostly this is due to being held captive for the last five days. My life has definitely taken turn here that is major. But is probably best to start at the beginning.

Lunette did eventually show up.  Three days after Raven had paid her visit.  In my younger days Lunette had that sensual attractiveness of a teenage girl to me.  The prom queen type, and I was at the time the lucky nerd on her arm for most of Middle School.  High School changed all that and we became in a sense estranged.  We still were the only two magical touched beings of our class, so we found ourselves at times as uneasy allies against darker powers.  Lunette became increasingly more about herself .  More about the using of her abilities to manipulate and control others.  Yeah, I kept my distance during high school.

I don’t want to say age has mellowed Lunette, but she looks a little less confident of herself these days. She looks like a fully mature adult female.  She seemed more cautious in her actions.  More deliberate and calculated.  I could tell this from just watching her move and the way she talked. She was no longer speaking to me in passion but in very calculated thought, measuring each word.

She stopped by on the morning of January 8th; and after letting her in, I had a deja vu moment as I sat in my chair and she sat pretty much exactly where Raven had a few days ago.  I was beginning to think my life was looking up with two attractive females visiting my bachelor pad in less that a week; but then again both of them were dangerous as coiled venomous snakes.  Lunette for her part had worn a skirt with leggings but her upper body was encased in a fur coat.  Her female curves enhanced with pixie charms were damn near perfect. Those wings of her’s fluttering behind her were the major difference in the two encounters with these two females.

I didn’t really waste much time with small talk.  I was being as cautious as hell.

“OK, it seems to me we left our conversation at me asking you what you have been doing with your life since we parted.  You then looked very sheepish and then we were rudely interrupted by magical gunfire so to speak.”

Lunette then looked a little sheepish again.  She hesitated for a moment and then she opened her mouth and began.

“After I was exiled from the Grove, I wandered a bit.  Decided to pass myself off as human for a while by going to college and doing some modelling. The bills got tight as you can imagine, so I did a little exotic dancing to supplement.”

She stopped at that point and looked at me like she was fishing for a reaction.  I kept quiet, but my thoughts were she could have made that a career for a decade and retired.  Her natural pixie looks and illusion abilities would have made her a top of the line porn star for that matter. I kept my face stoic like she had simply given me the temperature outside, so she continued.

“I graduated, but I couldn’t find a job, so I began to work freelance jobs in the magical world.  Discovered I had a talent for it really.  Mostly, finding out secrets and selling them to the highest bidder. The only problem with that; as you know, is you make enemies and some of them can be pretty powerful. But I have so far navigated all that.  This war has made that more difficult.”

“Personal Relationships?”

She laughed.

“Well, I am Pixie.  You know a lot of passionate fucking, but nothing really serious or long-term.  In the pixie world being an exile makes you not so desirable as a mate for making kids. Besides, I don’t really want children. They would be too much of a liability in this line of work.”

“Yeah, I think about that myself.  If I get too involved, my kids and grand kids become targets too.  No matter what the Council says the rules of engagement are; they will go after them if I get too involved. War tends to make rules go out the window in order to achieve victory.”

“Yeah, I guess both of us are under the gun there.  My parents are gone, so it is just me though, so I guess in that regard I have an advantage over you.”

“Well, I guess I could disappear.  That wouldn’t make them safe though.  They could still be used to flush me out. No.  I just don’t know.”

Lunette nodded.  She had been sitting with her legs crossed, but now she had her knees together with her feet slightly apart and she was leaning forward.  Her fur coat was unbuttoned and so her button up shirt which was undone a few buttons on the top revealed a pretty nice view of her cleavage.  I had to admit some old feelings were starting to surface and they were more about lust than love.  Only the seriousness of the topic had been keeping them in check.

“Edward, I am sorry about what happened and how I acted toward you after middle school.  I was a brat back then.  I just had different plans and an attitude to match.”

“Well, in the end both of us were exiled for our own actions Lunette. Although I am not quite sure what I did in the end.  But she ….”

“It’s OK Edward, you don’t have to say anything.”

“So, what business are you here for?  You are on business too, not just to renew an old relationship?”

“Yes, I am. I have a client that wants to talk to you about an offer that may help you with your problem with the Council.  I am here to arrange the meeting.”

“I see, and who is your client?”

“She would rather introduce herself in person. I am just here to take you to her if you are interested.”

“I am not trying to be rude Lunette, but my trust level is a little low right now of anyone. I mean from all accounts you have a bounty on your head from several different sources. I might be being over cautious, but I think if I am going to meet this client of yours, she would have to come here where I would feel more safe.”

“I see.  Well, I am sure she would not do that.  She has her own level of paranoia that is justified.  I don’t know what else I can do to assure you this is not a trap.”

“Not sure you can.  Our relationship has been dead for a long time and even though I can feel for you about your situation, I have my own that is a little difficult as you know.  I am guessing that I would be in the presence of other magical beings, and that means outnumbered and outgunned if shit goes south.  Sorry, too much of risk for me.”

She actually looked at me like she expected that answer.  She nodded.

“Well, OK.  I get it.  I should probably get back to her and tell her.”

Lunette got up, buttoned up her coat and then she came closer to me. I took a deep breath and, before I could react, she leaned over a bit and kissed me on the cheek. I would have thought it a nice gesture of renewed friendship except I instantly felt very tired and literally collapsed to the floor losing consciousness.  The last words I heard her say as I did lose consciousness were:

“Sorry Edward, but this is for your own good.”

I remember thinking that I was a complete idiot, but then everything went black.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

 

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – The Path of Virtue

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

If someone were to ask me right now what I miss the most, I would say it is walking. Winter sucks to walk in without the proper gear.  I miss the iron of the weights at the gym too, but I miss the simple act of taking an hour our of the day to take a walk. As soon as the snow is gone and the temperature up to a point where I can put on a jacket and take a walk, I will be out there.

Walking for me is very honest metaphor.  I am the Grey Wayfarer and a Wayfarer is one who travels on foot.  I enjoy this simple action more than most people know because living is walking with the occasional stops for enjoying the view or life in general.

My path is in life though is virtue. Finding the right path has not always been easy. I have walked a lot of them.  Christianity was a major one.  Right Now, I would say the Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) are a better one.  Why? Because Virtue transcends religion, politics and philosophy, and it is something I have come to discover as I have walked the path.  You can be an honorable person regardless of whether you area Christian or not, whether you are conservative or liberal, or whether or not you believe in eastern or western philosophy.  Virtue is simply working to strengthen that which is best in us as human beings, and that path is something I can gladly walk.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

I have a sense of honor.  I have really come to understand that this comes from within and not what other people think of me.  That is very important to understand. People do not dictate my sense of personal honor; I develop it within myself.  It makes honor both stronger and in a sense more vulnerable.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

No problems here,  I would say my recent travelling through The Grey Storm may have built this a little stronger.  I just need to really use this to put myself out there even more for a job search.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

I don’t find this as difficult anymore.  I find myself stay silent a lot but it seems other people have more problems when I speak the truth than I do.  I have discovered that it is so true that people would rather have comforting lies than the truth, that it makes me chuckle at times.  That said, I follow truth because it gives me an advantage.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Love of life. This last couple weeks have really challenged that. I guess I can say I owe a few people who I love some credit at times for helping me find my way back to love of life. My wife, children and grand kids all have contributed.  It makes this path easier to walk at times.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals and Bucket List
  3. Meditation
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  6. Get Dressed for the Day

Really working on a full week this week with this complete every single day. I have come close several times, but this week I want the morning Routine to be flawless.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.

I am going to work on two things,  1) Finding the way to get the money for my first tattoo and 2) writing my novel.  I have until the end of June to get one or the other of these done.

Weightlifting:

I think the best plan right now is to get some dumbbells and come up with routines with those i can do at home.  It might be a high rep, three set thing for some exercises but I need to do something to make sure my muscles stay toned at least.  Once I get a better paying job, gym membership and other things get back on the table.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 6 – Replacing Memories with Memories

/ Ed Raby Sr / 1 Comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

If you have been reading this last week an a half, you are very well aware that I am in the midst of what I what I would call a Grey Storm.  That is depression is overshadowing my life with dark clouds and a little rain. Mostly I just have been having a lot of problems feeling anything at all as I go through my day.

I mentioned that I felt this was triggered in my journal posts by some memories which were triggered in part by the time of year and by a dream.  The time of year is significant because last year at this time my organist at the church died.  He was a good friend and the last of my musicians with any real talent that I started with nine and half years previously.  Everyone I had started with in that regard was gone and I dubbed this time as the day the music died.  End of an era really for the church which really was completely true once I left.

I was really hurting and the only one who was listening to me at the time was a young woman who I ended up having an affair with.  I am not proud of this; and there are no good excuses for it, but there were reasons.  The starting point though was my organists death and reaching out at the time in friendship to her and her to me at this time last year.

The other trigger was a dream I had last Tuesday (Feb. 5th).  It was very vivid and real in its feeling.  I was walking down a downtown street. I had to find a bathroom and ducked into a restaurant.  I found the bathroom and went in a started to do my business.  While there heard someone enter the room.  They stopped behind me.  They stood there and I could feel their presence but they didn’t move. It was actually unnerving.  I finished and then turned around only to find it was the man from the church who I had considered a friend for well over nine years standing there. Now, I know he was no friend at all, and I would consider him a backstabbing liar and thief. He was smiling at me but it was a wicked smile.  He shook his head at me like a person who has judged you and has nothing but contempt.  I snorted and walked out. My general approach to any memory of this man is to basically say “Fuck you asshole” and try to push it from my mind.

As I was trying to leave the restaurant, there she was – the young lady in question sitting at the table by the door facing me.  She too was smiling.  Not in a judgmental way, just that same smile she always had when she saw me.  I couldn’t get out without going right next to her, and I couldn’t go back with the man behind me, so I went forward and sat down at the table to her left. Yes, the dream was so vivid I can remember details like this. She looked at me and the smile faded from her face as I sat down.  I tried to speak but discovered I couldn’t.  She smiled again and then sang a song.  The weird thing is, I can’t remember what it was.  I can remember everything else in great detail but the song and then she laughed.  I got up and ran out. I could feel both of them following me and then my alarm for work went off.  I was extremely thankful to be getting out of bed that morning, but the dream shook me.

Since then, I have been walking a Grey Storm. Normally dreams fade from my mind until in a week I can’t remember them, but not this one. It was so vivid and real, I just can’t shake it.  I find that the only thing that helps is thinking about other memories that are more pleasant.  Replacing memories with memories.

Today is February 15th.  That probably has the significance to many of you as the day after Valentine’s Day.  To me it has a little more meaning as 30 years ago this is the day  I proposed to my wife. I had chickened out the night before.  But then I knew that I wanted her in my life forever and I took a brave pill.  I asked her the next day in the front seat of my old 1979 LTD.  The rest is history.  It was a great day for me.  One right now that I hold close to my mind, so I can’t see or feel the others that are not so good.

Only time will tell if this technique of using good memories of the long past will help with the memories of the recent past. I am also hoping new memories of the future will help as well.  I need some wins and some success.  I just hate times like this where everything is in autopilot and I am just walking without feeling. My heart and soul going into shutdown mode and staying numb, so I don’t feel pain. At least for now, the good memories of the past pull me out of the numb for a bit.

I suspect there will be more The Grey and The Wayfarer posts.  They will probably increase in frequency from now until the end of summer.  Mostly, I hope to remember some good things to keep out the bad, but I know me.  This is going to be a love/hate year when it comes to memories. and so The Grey will be ever present, like it or not.

Walking the Grey,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

 

The Book of Rabyd 1:1 -“If There is a Divine Center to the Universe, It is NOT You.”

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sun’s Day

Text: 

“If There is a Divine Center to the Universe, It is NOT You.” – The Book of Rabyd 1:1

Thoughts and Exposition:

I of course ran into my first problem with The Book of Rabyd rewrite right out the gate with verses one and two of the old version: Rabyd 1:1 – ‘There is a God’ and Rabyd 1:2 – ‘You are Not God’.  The first verse I would consider a little dogmatic now. The second really is a result of understanding one simple truth; that you are not the center of the universe.  After much debate with myself I came up with: “If There is a Divine Center to the Universe, It is NOT You.”to replace them both.

The first part of verse one is a propositional phrase.  The idea is possibility without being sure of it to the point of arrogance. I think there are two dangers I am confronting with this phrase. 1) That given the vastness of the universe it is highly likely that any notion of the divine that any religion creates; if the divine exists, is probably wrong in some way and 2) To dismiss the notion of the divine altogether is also equally arrogant given the vastness of the universe and how little we know about it.

The second phrase is one of humility.  The real kind, not the fake kind of humility that religion produces, which I find to be attention seeking. “Look how humble I am and how much faith I have.”  Or the kind that life knocking you down achieves, which is actually a low sense of personal honor.  No, real humility is the basis for all the virtues of life. Humility leads to love, justice and wisdom because one can acknowledge that you are but one being in a vast universe. But also there are other beings trying to do the best they can in this same universe with you.  Real humility leads to respect of self and others which is the foundation of all the rest.

All the virtues, no matter what you name them, should flow from this humble understanding of self and respect for both yourself and others. For me the Nine Noble Virtues are my way of expression of this, but each person could choose their own. It is where; despite the fact that I am not the center of the universe, I will act with my better and stronger self.

This change of course leads to questions about what legacy I want to pass on here. One simple one really – You don’t have to be the center of the universe to have a great life and great relationships.  Just genuine humility about yourself and respect for others.  This should lead to a Honor, Liberty and Solid Relationships.  Real humility has those results.

Given the vastness of our universe and our humility as we stand before it, we really have one choice before us – to make our own way as best we can and respect that others are doing the same.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – Skill in Battle

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

When it comes to being ready for the battles of life and developing the skills I need as warrior of life, it is the Self Virtues that do this most. Discipline has obvious implications but there is also the perseverance and fidelity virtues that teach me that continuing to  strengthen my resolve and relationships leads to being a stronger and more skillful warrior of life as well.

These also are the ones that help with The Grey the most.  This had been a bad week as far as how I personally feel, probably triggered by some bad memories and a bad dream I had Tuesday night.  No, I don’t feel sad.  That’s not what depression does for me.  It just makes me feel numb.  I found this on the internet this week that describes it perfectly.

Image may contain: text that says 'People think depression is sadness. People think depression is crying. People think depression is dressing in black. But people are wrong. Depression is the constant feeling of being numb. Being numb to emotions, being numb to life. You wake up in the morning just to g0 back to bed again. HealthyPlace.com'

It is this feeling that is The Grey. But I am the Grey Wayfarer – I keep up the Discipline of walking through it. I Persevere and I close ranks with my Circle in Fidelity.  It is the only ways I have found to combat The Grey and numbness that goes with it.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

I do struggle with the discipline of life when I get like this.  The temptation is to just stop and exist.  But I keep getting up and doing my routines and sticking to my plan because eventually it is the thing that gets me out of it. It is the thing that develop’s the skills I need to fight it.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Keep walking.  I guess I can say about this week when it comes to Perseverance. I keep walking.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Close ranks, stay loyal to family and philosophy and keep moving.  These are the strengths of fidelity in The Grey.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom: 

Keeping Balance in times like these is difficult.  Love is hard because you feel nothing and Justice is hard because you are self-absorbed in times like this.  Wisdom however at items has fertile ground in these times of depression for me. You have to be careful and keep it in context becasue as I have said before The Grey makes it hard to see clearly at times, but it is the coming out of the grey clouds of depression, that usually I have a moment of insight.  A minor epiphany does happen and things get better. Balance returns and wisdom grows.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week
  4. Writing – 4 times a week
  5. Cheat Meal Count – Currently 1

The dropping of the cheat meal to one has really been a challenge here. I do however think I have a plan for weightlifting as I may simply purchase a few dumbbells to at least keep my muscles toned at home, until some final decisions regarding a gym can be made. This might also be helpful in times when life gets busy.

Evening Routine:

  1. Take supplements and medications.
  2. Brush and Floss Teeth
  3. Out the Door Preparation
  4. Reading – 15 min.
  5. Go to Bed

Still a challenge, I need to simply get in my head that supper time is the trigger to working through it and I will be OK I think.

Nutrition:

This time of special nutrition has been in many ways a really good thing.  I haven’t been able to lift or walk and so it is keeping me from blowing up like a balloon.  Of course there is the thing of the stress level in my life being lower because I no longer carry the burdens of a lot of other people now that I am out of the ministry. That has had a good effect on my health as well.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – The Foundational Virtues have been good this week.  Courage is more than a warriors virtue, it is a life virtue and having the courage this week to just get up and function has been the difference maker.

Business – I focus on what needs to be done here.  I need an overall career plan at this point and then I need to start executing it.

Self – I can’t tell you how many times the Discipline of the Routines and just my dogged determinism to not quit kept me going this week. I am glad I established these things because it is they that help me the most when depression hits.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!